


Valley of Sorrow

by WritingCoffeeAddiction



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Addictive Behaviors, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Body Dysphoria, Canon Lesbian Character, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dark Past, Dialogue Heavy, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/F, Falling In Love, Female-Centric, Fluffy Smut, Gradual Dissociative Identity Disorder, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lorna-centric, Mental Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nicky is a therapist, Non-Canon Relationship, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Drug Addiction, Physical Abuse, Platonic Female/Female Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Psychological Trauma, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Strong Female Characters, Strong Friendships, Suicidal Tendencies, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapist/Patient relationship, Therapy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Verbal Abuse, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-15 09:14:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 181,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13610220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingCoffeeAddiction/pseuds/WritingCoffeeAddiction
Summary: Nicky Nichols, a recovering heroin addict, never thought she'd find a woman to settle down with. Yet, that all seems to change when she finds herself as a therapist helping her roommate's best friend recover from her own inner demons. Lorna/Nicky.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the show or characters. All I own is the writing and story.
> 
> Author's note: So, this plot is probably an odd one compared to the majority of Lorna/Nicky stories. But it's been sitting in the back of my mind for the past month now and I just had to get it written down. I understand it's unusual and therefore understand if no one cares to read this. But if anyone does choose to give this a try, thank you. Feel free to let me know your thoughts. (Side note: Lorna and Alex have a deep friendship as they've been friends since childhood. Yes, I know it's odd, but I didn't choose the plot/idea...it chose me, I'm only the messenger. Another side note, Alex and Poussey are girlfriends in this story...I know another oddity to add to this already odd story but I write only what my mind tells me.)
> 
> Warning: This story is thick with mature/adult themes. Includes eating disorders, physical/verbal abuse, mental illness, drug addictions, and more. Read at your own risk.

_Valley of Sorrow_

Nicky Nichols opens the door to her shared apartment and tosses her bags onto the small table that sits in the kitchen. She grabs herself an ice-cold beer from the fridge before making her way into the living room where she plops herself down on the couch. Where her life has taken her these past few months is something that she'd have never imagined this time last year. A recovering—heavy—heroin addict, it's hard to imagine that kind of person to be a therapist. But that's exactly what she is these days. A junkie—sure, she hasn't touched a single ounce of it in years but that doesn't mean she doesn't still lust over it—therapist who sits in an office for eight hours a day listening to the problems of her several patients. Definitely a life she never thought for herself but doesn't plan on changing anything back.

"Ah, just the therapist I've been looking for," the oldest—and tallest—of the three housemates calls out, staring up from the television screen.

Nicky shakes her head while taking a large swig of her beverage. "Therapy time is over; it's time for  _my_  therapy of alcohol and shitty TV shows. I've had enough today," she mutters, gluing her eyes on the screen that sits on an uneven stand in the corner of the living room.

Chuckling, the dark-haired woman arches her eyebrows as she gazes across the room at her. "Hmm, isn't that ironic? A therapist who tells her patients not to run to alcohol but does exactly that when she gets home? Sometimes it amazes me that that's the career ya've ended up with," she shakes her head with a light smirk.

"You and me both, Vause," the redhead snickers, guzzling another sip of beer. A deep breath of air exits her body as she glances away from the television to stare at her housemate. "Believe me if ya had to hear the shit I've been listening to, you'd wanna drink afterwards yourself. My childhood is a dream compared to the fuckin' shit some a my patients had. And there's not enough alcohol in the world to get ridda those stories."

The other sighs; her smirk quickly vanishing. A waver of guilt builds, especially with the favor she's been wanting to ask. "I'm sorry…I know your job isn't always pleasant," another sigh escapes, she twirls her hands around the material that makes up the chair she sits in. Her eyes slowly avert back over to her friend's, a slight desperateness gleaming through. "Would ya, would ya be able to squeeze in a friend of mine anytime soon?"

"And who exactly would that be, huh? I'm pretty sure there ain't any reason for Poussey to need therapy," Nicky quirks an eyebrow, her eyes peaked with interest.

As if on que, the dark-skinned brunette pops her head in the room at that exact moment, "What about me? I got the laundry put away, don't needa get all worked up over it."

Nicky shakes her head. "Your girlfriend over here thinks you need a therapist," a chuckle comes out.

"The  _fuck_? Over taking too long on the laundry? What kinda bullshit assumption is that?"

The tallest woman rolls her eyes and lets out an irritated grunt. " _I_ didn't say anything about you—don't know where Nicky got that idea! I said a  _friend_ of mine, not my fucking girlfriend. Jesus Christ."

"Ya got a friend we ain't knowin' about?" Poussey questions with an arched eyebrow; she sits down on the couch beside the redhead and crosses her arms over her chest, intrigued to learn who the mysterious friend could be.

"Oh, please as if we don't all have our own set of friends outside of this apartment," the dark-haired woman responds with the shake of her head. But her demeanor quickly grows serious. Her eyes turn back towards Nicky, a darkness clouding them. "This is a real close friend of mine from elementary school—but she's so timid around new people that's why she's never come here to visit. Anyway, I'm kinda worried about her…she hasn't been answering my calls or showing up for work. This is a girl who never calls off—shit, there were days she came in with a 100-degree fever. Something's up with her and I think it's best she make an appoint with you, Nicky."

The redhead gulps the rest of her beer and nods. She looks directly at Alex, "Well, have ya maybe thought to go to her house? Do ya not have common sense, Vause?"

Alex glares in return. " _No shit_ , sherlock. Course' I have."

"And? What's the problem?"

Massaging her temples, the older woman lets out a breath of air. "She's barely surviving  _that's_  the damn problem. Her house is cluttered with shit she bought off some online store, there's broken glass everywhere, and I swear she's not eating anything—something's not right with her. I tried to question her about it, but she won't even speak to me. She just sits and stares; it's like her soul left her or something."

"What's the kid's name?" Nicky asks, her eyes growing with a tenderness—something that doesn't happen often.

"And what about her family? Aren't they doing shit to help her?" Poussey chimes in her questions, arms still crossed over her chest.

"Her name's Lorna," the other answers with a sigh. She gazes down at the ground, a guilty pang in her chest. This, she knows, is information she shouldn't be sharing without her friend's consent, but the girl needs serious help, she realizes, and if she doesn't get it for her then who will? "Her family hasn't been too good to her these last few years. Not since she lost her brother. In fact, she hasn't been the same since then. She's always had some trouble with her mental health and her brother—he tried to help her, the two were pretty close, and I'm sure his death is a major reason she's declined so drastically. That's why I really would appreciate if you could schedule an appointment for her…please Nicky, I'll pay your rent for an entire month if ya can help my friend out."

Placing the empty bottle on the coffee table, Nicky nods. Her features much softer than usual. "I had a cancellation tomorrow morning, think she can come then? And, please, I don't need to be bribed to help her. However, if ya feel obligated to pay my rent, I ain't gonna argue over it."

Alex smiles gratefully, "Thanks. I'll drive her there myself if I have to. She  _needs_  this."

* * *

Lorna Morello awakens to the sound of her alarm clock ringing in her ears. She grunts out in irritation and slams her hand over the snooze button. The snooze button has become nearly her only form of exercise recently. Living is almost nonexistent to her—the days ware on and yet, she's accomplished nothing more than yesterday. Such realization only brings her down even more. She has no drive to continue on any longer.

The next time her alarm goes off, just five minutes later, she pushes herself out of bed. She walks over to her dresser to find an outfit—something long and baggy to hide her thinning frame. The mirror, that sits on the wall on her way towards her bathroom, shows a body that makes her physically ill to stare at. She frisks past it as quickly as she can.

Once she's showered and clothed, she walks into her small kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She mixes a spoonful of cream and sugar into it, her eyes dazedly looking down in the mug as she does so. Her body stiffens shortly after when a pair of rough arms snake around her from behind. She nearly spills the hot beverage with her jump.

"Just finished my work-out thought I'd see what my beloved is up to," the voice of her boyfriend, Vinny, huskily mutters against her ear. He runs his hands slowly along her arms, a smirk forming on his face. "I hope ya haven't eaten anything…you really need to keep your figure, ya know? You look a little … thick? Ya been eatin' that nasty processed pop-tart shit again?"

Lorna sighs, trying to worm her way out of his touch. She shakes her head and walks over to the small table near the window to sit down with her mug of coffee. "I just woke up, Vinny. All I want right now is this coffee and some quiet. Please if ya could just leave me alone for twenty-minutes, that'd be real nice. I'm sorry," she mumbles into her beverage, shutting her eyes in exasperation.

Sitting right beside her, the Italian man scowls at her while reaching over to place his hand somewhat harshly on her upper thigh. A darkness lurks in his brown orbs. "Fucking kidding me, Lorna? You can't be a damn girlfriend for even two minutes? You're lucky I haven't left ya yet…ain't no one else gonna want you. A fat slobby whore who fucking wastes her time online shopping! I'm sicka this shit," he growls, pinching his hand roughly around the skin of her thigh.

She bites her lip, trying to hold in the tears that threaten to spill. The sound of knocking comes as a relief to her. Yet, before she even has the chance to get up, Vinny beats her to it and stomps his way to the door. She intently watches him open it and when she sees that it's her best friend, she feels her body instantly tense.

"Lorna ain't here," her boyfriend curtly lies, a gruff expression sitting on his face.

Alex glares darkly at him; she points her finger inside at the brunette and says, "She's sitting right there, idiot. Ya think I don't got eyes? Let me in."

Bringing the door closer to its frame, Vinny shakes his head. "No. There's no reason for you to come in. Lorna doesn't have time for visitors today.  _Goodbye_ ," he bites back, nearly shutting it completely when her hand stops it.

"And since when do you have the right to decide shit for her?  _Let_ me the fuck in or I'll  _make_ you," she growls, forcing the door open and pushing past him.

Lorna slouches in her chair as if to hide herself from the two of them. Her hands shake as they hold onto the coffee mug. She tries to keep her eyes focused on what sits inside of it but when she feels a gentle hand placed on her shoulder, she lets them wander over to who owns it.

"I've made you an appointment with a therapist, Lorna, and I'm driving ya to it. I know I shoulda asked ya first, but you haven't exactly been answering my calls. I'm worried about ya, kid…what's going on?"

Vinny rolls his eyes, walking up behind his girlfriend and holds tightly onto her arm. "Ain't nothing wrong with her. Ya ain't taken her to see a dumb therapist—what a waste of money! Get outta here," he hisses, pulling Lorna away from the other woman.

The obvious pain shining through Lorna's brown orbs makes Alex's blood boil. She gets up as well and walks nearer the man, a sudden rage boiling in her light eyes. "Let go of her right now. Get your fucking hands off my best friend—you're  _hurting_  her!" Her voice deep with venom. When he doesn't seem to budge, she forces him away from Lorna and replaces his arms with her protective ones.

With the timid brunette wrapped securely in her arms, the older woman gives one last demeaning stare towards Vinny and then heads out the door with her. She gently leads her outside to her car. After Lorna's settled in the passenger's seat, Alex sits herself on the other side and starts driving out of her rickety neighborhood.

Her blue eyes wander over to gaze intently at the other. She takes note of the baggy clothes that her petite frame seems to swim in and exhales sadly. "What's going on, kid? Huh?"

Lorna shrugs, leaning her head tiredly against the rim of the window. "Everything hurts and I'm tired," she mumbles softly, letting her eyes gaze out at the passing surroundings.

An ache sits in her chest. Alex uses her free hand to gently reach over and place on her friend's. She lets her fingertips caress soothingly over her knuckles. "I'm getting you help; this will be good for you. My roommate Nicky's a great person to talk to, Lorna. She'll help ya. You can't go on like this anymore…it's not good, kid. You  _need_  help and you're  _getting_ it."

* * *

The sound of the door opening has Nicky immediately look up from her work. Her eyes wander over to the petite woman standing beside her housemate. She takes in the sight of her and realizes just how thin she is—Alex's description couldn't be truer, she internalizes. Clearing her throat, she quickly places a warm smile on her face.

Lorna grudgingly sits herself in the chair opposite the desk and watches blankly as her best friend leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. She gulps and bows her head so the therapist isn't able to see her face.

"What's your name, kid?" The redhead warmly inquiries, her voice husky and almost soothing to Lorna. It still isn't enough to make her look up and that brings concern to Nicky. She takes in her mannerisms; ones that alarm her she's harboring dark secrets. "Hey, come on, don't be shy. It's okay; I'm not here to judge ya. I'm here to listen and help."

Shaking her head, the younger woman keeps her head down and immerses herself with the pattern of the arm-rests. She twirls a finger around the swirls and mutters, "Lorna."

Nicky smiles. "A pretty name ya have, Lorna," she states, trying to loosen the conversation into an informal and inviting one. "How old are ya? Early twenties? Ya must have some good aging genes in your family—don't look a day over sixteen."

"Twenty-five," Lorna grunts out, her eyes filled with a lurking exasperation. "How long do I gotta sit here?"

Her smile quickly fades into a frown. Nicky gazes firmly across into the younger woman's orbs and sighs. "This isn't just a casual meeting, Lorna. You're here for a reason and refusing to talk isn't gonna help. I need you to open up a little bit before I can end this session. You don't have to talk about anything heavy today, kid, but I want ya to tell me what's going on. What's making you shut people out, huh?"

The brunette shakes her head. "I didn't choose to be here. Alex made me and she didn't even ask."

"She's worried about you, that's why she made you come here. And she did the right thing. You can't bottle up your emotions and expect to be okay, Lorna. That's not healthy. You didn't choose to feel like shit either, did you?"

Lorna folds her arms defiantly over her chest and gives a glare to the redhead. "You get paid to judge people. I don't want this. I don't need help—I'm fine…I got a place to live, a boyfriend, what else do I need? Not this shit—I can't even afford to pay for this so ya might as well just send me away now."

That last sentence speaks volumes to Nicky. She shakes her head fiercely and gently peers into her eyes. "I'm not judging you, I wouldn't do that. Is that what you fear, kid? Ya fear being judged? Lorna, I'm sorry to tell ya, but this world is full of judgmental asshats. It sucks and is unfortunate but the truth. Don't worry about the money; it's all free. I'm here to help you, something you clearly need. I don't say that to hurt you, believe me, I say it because you do need help. It's okay to need help, kid; it really is," she responds warmly, trying to coax her into opening up.

"Vinny doesn't approve of this."

Nicky quirks an eyebrow, "Who's Vinny?"

"My boyfriend," she mutters, her eyes focusing back on the floor. Her stomach churns just thinking about what'll happen when she returns home later. She knows it won't be anything good.

The other slowly nods, writing things down on a fresh sheet of notebook paper. "Why doesn't he want you to do this? Does he know you're having trouble with anything or are ya hiding stuff from him? It's okay, Lorna, you can be honest with me. I will not think any less of you no matter what your answer."

Lorna shakes her head. "He is the problem," she whispers, fighting back tears.

"What was that, kid?" Nicky's eyes soft with compassion.

"Nothing," she quickly answers, pulling her knees up to her chest and burying her face in them. This is somewhere she never imagined herself to be—sitting in an office with some therapist who claims to 'want' to help her. She rolls her eyes at the thought; that's not true, she knows, no one would willingly want to help.

Nicky sighs and shakes her head. "That wasn't nothing. Tell me what ya said. You  _can't_  heal if ya  _don't_  open up."

Frustrated and exhausted, the brunette pushes herself up from the chair and makes a v-line to the exit. There's no way she can handle talking to anyone about her issues—especially not some therapist who doesn't even know her. Tears blur her vision as she runs through the waiting room—ignoring Alex's concerned stares—and down the hall to the elevators. She doesn't wait for her friend, needing this time to be alone and recollect herself.

* * *

Alex walks into her roommate's office and stares at her with worry. "What happened? Did she mention something about her brother? I don't understand what made her run outta here like that," she sighs, her eyes wandering aimlessly around the room.

Shaking her head, the shorter woman reaches for her cup of coffee and takes a large sip. "I think talking about her boyfriend upset her. She said somethin' about him not wanting her to come here and then whispered something else…when I asked what it was, she said nothing and ran out. You're lucky you and she are friends or I wouldn't tell ya this—technically I still shouldn't but I know ya only wanna know so ya can help her."

"Yeah, her boyfriend's a fucking asshole. He's part of the reason I want her to come here. She needs to realize that he ain't doing shit for her. He makes her feel worthless and shitty—I want to smash his face with my fist. God, I just—did she open up about anything?"

Nicky's teeth grit to hear that. She's always loathed men who chose to treat their girlfriend's like dirt—it makes her skin crawl. Her hands shake angrily while holding onto her mug. "Hell, I wanna beat him and I just met the girl. And, no, she didn't share much with me aside from that. Poor kid…she just needs time, obviously whatever she's going through seems to make opening up a fear for her. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna try harder next time, but I know to ease her in gently. Have her come back tomorrow. Or even bring her by the apartment…maybe if she gets to know me as a person, she won't be so tense."

"I'll try to get her to come over but it ain't gonna be easy. She's a stubborn one, always has been."

* * *

Back in the car, after spending a good half-hour trying to find her friend, Alex sighs and stares concerningly over at the brunette. She softly covers her hand with her own, stroking her thumb tenderly against her delicate skin. Ever since middle-school, she worried for Lorna—the girl who has not a clue how to properly work through her feelings.

"Why did ya run away? Nicky's my friend; I wouldn't a brought you to see her if I thought she'd hurt ya in any way. You think I'd make ya do something just to watch ya suffer? Is that what ya think?"

Lorna buries herself in her oversized jacket and shrugs. "What's the point, Alex?"

Her heart momentarily stops. Eyes widen as they turn to peer sternly at her best friend. "The point of what?" She squeezes her hand tighter in her own, caressing it soothingly.

The smaller girl shakes her head. She pulls the hood of the jacket to cover her face and releases a few stray tears. " _Anything_ ," is her muffled response.

All blood drains from her face; she has to pull the car over or else she fears she'll lose control from how emotional that one word makes her. She sits, gripping her hands tightly onto the steering wheel while blankly staring out the window for several silent moments. Shortly after, she turns to stare at Lorna—eyes wet with tears.

"What the fuck does that mean? Lorna,  _what_  the fuck?"

The brunette sniffles silently, resting her head against her own knees and turning away from her friend.

Alex grabs hold of her head, looking her directly in the eyes. She intently searches the other's orbs; the pain easily noted and bringing a strong pang to her chest. Tears continue to pour out from her own. Her hands hold snugly against the other's cheeks. " _Talk to me_. Open your mouth and tell me what the hell you're feeling,  _Lorna_."

"I'm empty. I have no feelings…they left a long time ago."

Biting her lip, Alex exhales a strong a breath of air. She pulls Lorna's head closer to her and hugs it protectively to her chest, running her hand softly through her hair as sniffles slowly escape her. "That's not true, Lorna. You  _have_ feelings—you just…you  _don't let_  yourself feel, baby. You let all your emotions bottle up until ya can't take it anymore; it's unhealthy. You can't keep doing this to yourself. I can't let you. You're my best friend and-and if I ever lose you…God, I can't even think about that!" She brushes her fingers tenderly through the other's soft hair and sighs, still not letting up on her firm hold.

"Just please, kid, promise me you'll give Nicky a chance? She's good. She's got a big heart like you and wants to help.  _Let_  her help you. She might even end up your friend…which I think would do ya even more good."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mature themes. Mentions of verbal/physical abuse, eating disorders, implied self-esteem issues, mild drug use, etc.  
> Author's Note: Not sure what people think of this...hope it's okay. If not, let me know.

_Chapter Two_

Engulfed in her task of placing fresh-baked pastries into the lighted-counters of her bakery, the sound of the bell ringing above the door forces an instinctive jolt out of Red. Her eyes rapidly avert to the entrance and a smile spreads when she sees Nicky walking through. The young—bushel of red hair—woman has grown to become her daughter over the past several years. The day is always brighter when the redhead drops by her shop.

"Nicky, glad you're here—mind giving me a hand with some dishes? Those new girls I hired left me a huge mess this morning," the middle-aged woman mutters in irritancy.

With a chuckle, Nicky nods and follows her to the back room where the sink is. "Told ya not to hire some high school kids, ma. They don't care about responsibilities," she says, starting in on the large pile of dirty dishware. Her eyes widen at the sight; she shakes her head coldly. "Fucking idiots—bet they spent their whole shift texting."

Red fills the sink with warm water—mixing in a heap of soap—and starts grabbing plates off the pile. She rolls her eyes. Hiring those girls was not one of her finest decisions, she thinks. "This new generation is the problem, Nicky. They think those phones can do everything for them.  _Not_  in my bakery," she grumbles, scrubbing a sponge over the stained-plate.

"Shoulda saved these for them, ma. You don't need to put up with this kinda shit," Nicky seethes.

The older woman sighs and nods. "I know, I know. And I  _won't_ ; I'll confiscate their phones today. I just—the one girl was so desperate to get this job…I  _can't_  fire her. But she will know there's no messing around here. Anyway, enough about this, how are you? How's it coming along with having your own therapy practice?"

Drying the dishes that the mother-like figure hands her, Nicky half-shrugs. The job is a tough one; having to listen to patients discuss their painful pasts is rough and certainly takes a huge toll on her behalf but it's also quite rewarding. She feels needed, something she's always craved. "I got a good number of patients, so it's definitely going well. I recently just added a new one…my roommate's best friend," she answers, placing the dry dishware in their proper places.

Red arches an eyebrow. "You sure that's a good idea? Accepting a friend's friend as  _your_  patient?"

"Alex was desperate—she needed someone to help her friend and I was the only person she could trust enough. What was I gonna say? No, I don't give a fuck how unhealthy your friend is? I'd be an absolute asshole to turn her away, ma. Besides, I wanna do it."

With a thick breath of air, the Russian woman walks over to a coffee pot that sits on the other side of the kitchen and brings it back beside the sink. She takes out two mugs from the cabinet above and then pours the dark liquid into each of them. "I just advise you to be careful. If things don't go well with your being her friend's therapist, it might jeopardize your friendship," she informs her while handing her one of the coffee-filled mugs.

"Thanks, ma," Nicky smiles, gratefully bringing the mug to her lips for a much-desired sip. The sweet victorious taste of caffeine feeds her longing thirst. She follows her back out to the main part of the bakery and sits with her at one of the tables while no customers are there. "I doubt anything will go wrong but I appreciate your concern."

* * *

It's mid-afternoon when Lorna drags herself out of bed to catch a shower. Once she's clean—and dressed in sweats—she sluggishly makes her way into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Her stomach faintly rumbles alerting her that food is needed but she does her best to ignore it. She quickly makes her coffee, carrying it into the living room and situating herself on the sofa. Slowly, she brings the mug to her lips for a sip and savors its sweet taste. The only thing that's nourishing her body anymore, she knows.

The slamming of the door makes her body impulsively flinch. Her eyes squeeze shut. Living with her boyfriend has grown into a nightmare—she fears nearly every second of each day.

Vinny's footsteps grow louder as he enters where she resides. He claims the spot next to her, forcefully grabbing onto her head so that she's facing him. His eyes pierce heavily into her own. "You need to stop talking to that little friend a yours. There's no way in hell that I'll let that bitch take you to those stupid therapy sessions. It's a waste of money and time," he growls, squeezing her pale cheeks harshly in his gruff hands.

"She's been my friend since we were kids…I'm not gonna stop talking to her," the brunette sniffles, eyes full of despair and freight as they gaze into her boyfriend's. She tries to push him away but that does nothing.

Pinning her down to the cushion, Vinny towers over her with a dark glare. "Yeah, well, I'm the one who lives with you and who loves you. If she was really your friend, she'd keep her nose outta your business. What kind of friend tells you to go see a therapist, huh Lorna? You fucking naïve dumbass," he hisses, smacking his hand coldly against one of her cheeks.

"Get off me!  _Please_ ," Lorna cries, holding her hand on her stinging cheek.

His eyes only darken. "Not until you swear to me that you'll stop communication with that bitch friend a yours."

"And what reason am I gonna give her? She'll come over here to try to figure out why—"

Another smack. Vinny grips her tighter around the shoulders and looks her directly in the eyes, a menacing gleam lurking in his own. "You tell her to fuck off or else. I'm not joking around, Lorna. You're my girlfriend, ya do what I say. That's the end of it."

* * *

When Nicky arrives back at the apartment, early evening, she's greeted by an overwhelming smell of booze and cigarettes. She kicks off her shoes, rubs her temples, and forces her way into the living room. Just what she needed to walk into tonight, her housemate's group of friends' lounging in their entertainment room smoking themselves higher and higher by the minute.

"Oh, hey, Nicky," Poussey calls out from the couch. She holds up a cigarette and waves it in the air, "Ya want one?"

The redhead shakes her head reluctantly, slowly retreating towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. "I wasn't expecting to come home to this little party. Next time warn me, yeah?"

Lighting the spare one in her hand, the other woman shrugs her shoulders and gives a half-smile. "Sorry, it was kinda spur a the moment thing. Had a long day at work, thought it'd be nice if we all just came back here to chill for a while. Sure ya don't wanna join us? Looks like a smoke might do ya a little good."

Nicky gives another head shake, "Nah, I got something I needa do. You enjoy your little party, though." She continues her journey out of there and down the hall to her bedroom.

Once she's in her room, she shuts the door and heads over to her computer that sits on a desk near the side window. A sigh escapes her. The strong odor of smoke seeps through the crack. The temptation to go back out and take one is strong; those things, along with her beloved heroin, used to be her most favored stress reliever. She longs to smoke one right now. To feel it's gritty texture against her tongue—taste its bitter flavor.

She's almost thankful when her laptop's loud start-up brings her away from such thoughts. With a deep breath in, Nicky collects herself enough to focus on what needs to be done. Her eyes linger on the screen, searching through thousands upon thousands of notes written up during her most recent therapy appointments. She can't believe all the treacherous stories she's heard in the past few days. It makes her heart feel heavy. But what's worse is that she almost feels more intrigued to work with the newest patient she's signed her care to. The young brunette who obviously hasn't taken proper care of herself in months, if not,  _years_. Another long exhale. That patient, she's quickly come to realize, is not going to be an easy one to work with and that only yearns her closer to wanting to go back out and grab one of those cigarettes.

Hearing her door opening, she immediately feels relief, and averts her attention to see who's there. When her eyes meet with Alex's, she instantly notices something's wrong and grows concerned. She waves her hand, motioning for her to come in.

"Why ya look so down?"

Alex sighs, moving further in her friend's room and sitting herself on the edge of her bed—the only other place to sit aside from the desk chair. "Lorna's worse off than I thought," she slowly whispers, running her fingers through the fabric of the comforter.

Nicky's concern only deepens; her eyes soften as they gaze over at her black-haired roommate. She quirks an eyebrow, "How so? Did she do something suspicious?"

"It's  _not_  something she  _did_ …it's  _what_  she  _said_. It doesn't sit well with me,  _at all_."

Folding her arms over her chest, Nicky stares intently at the older woman. Concern and curiosity rise within her. "And what is it she said, huh?"

Alex reaches her hands up to massage her temples. She inhales a sharp breath before looking back at Nicky, a stern gleam shining through her blue orbs. "Ya better keep this just between us, understood?" When the other nods quickly, she deems it safe to continue on. "On our way back, it seemed like when we were talking—she seemed to imply that she doesn't think there's a point anymore. You know what the fuck that means, Nicky?!"

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down, yeah? Let's not jump to conclusions here. What else did she say?"

"Jump to conclusions? I'm not jumping to conclusions—she fucking, she thinks there's no point to care about herself! What the fuck else does that imply, huh? She's suicidal, Nicky…my best friend is fucking  _suicidal_!" The taller woman angrily cries out, digging her nails deep into the mattress she sits on.

Nicky sighs, getting up from her chair and walking over to sit beside her distraught roommate. She wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder and peers up at her with compassionate eyes. "It's gonna be okay. Just take a deep breath and we'll figure this out. Why don't you call her—ask her to come over, yeah?" She strokes the tips of her fingers comfortingly around her back.

"You don't know her, Nicky. She gets really uncomfortable around people she doesn't know well…there's no way she'll agree. Especially with that asshole of a boyfriend around. I swear he fucking tries to control her whole life. And she  _lets_  him."

The shorter woman, gives her a look. " _Call_ her, Alex. Just call and try to convince her. She needs to know that you care. That's the only thing that'll make her want to get out of that shitty situation. If worse comes to worse, we can always go to her, yeah?"

Slowly reaching into her jean's pocket, the dark-haired woman grabs her phone and holds it tightly in her hands. She lets out a breath of air. Her fingertips cautiously dial her friend's number. She prays to God that this works. There's no way she can keep letting the young girl go on like this, she knows.

Several heartrending rings go by before Alex hears the familiar voice on the other end—this time slightly shaky and discreetly quiet. Her heart tightens in her chest. "How ya doing, kid? Everything alright?"

Slow, rapid, breathing is heard through receiver. Something that alarms the older woman that there's a problem. A knot forms in her stomach as she waits for some sort of response.

"I, uh, I can't— _we_  can't be friends-friends anymore," Lorna sniffles against the rim of her phone.

Alex grips tighter onto her phone. A rush of anger slowly begins to simmer. "Lorna, what the hell do ya mean we can't be friends? What's going on? Is Vinny making you say this shit or something?"

"N-n-no…course, course not. I just—I need…uh I—"

"Fuck this. I'm coming over there, Lorna. This shit needs to end. You need to get the fuck outta that hellhole! And don't ya dare try to argue with me on this because it ain't gonna work."

Silent cries escape the younger woman on the other side of the phone. She rhythmically begins to rock back and forth while keeping a tight grip on the device held to her ear. "Please, please don't-don't hang up," she very faintly whispers, not wanting Vinny to hear who's only a few feet away in the kitchen.

The other nods profusely, feeling tears well up in her eyes. She swallows a painful lump. "I won't. I'll stay on the phone until we get there, I promise kid. Everything's gonna get better, Lorna, ya hear me? You're gonna get help and you won't have to live in this constant pain anymore."

* * *

It's an agonizing drive Alex realizes—especially when she's not the one in control of the wheel. She keeps hold of the phone, tight against her ear, and focuses her eyes out the window. A deep breath of air expels from her body as she hears Lorna's strained cries on the other end. She shakes her head sadly; there's no way she'll let her friend do this to herself anymore. It must end.

Five minutes pass. Nicky pulls into a spot on the side of the road in front of the apartment complex. Both she and Alex exit the vehicle, quickly walking across the street to enter the building. They jog up a few flights of stairs until they reach the floor that houses Lorna's place; the taller of the two women leads the way to her door and knocks quite stridently.

Footsteps can be heard through the slither of a crack on the very bottom of the door's base. An irritated grunt expels as the door slowly swivels open. "What the fuck do ya want now? If you think you're here to take drag  _my_  girlfriend to see that stupid therapist again, then ya have another thing coming! So ya better just get the hell outta here," Vinny spits, holding the door only far enough open so that she can't see anything past where he stands.

"I think  _you_  might qualify as stupid over the therapist," Nicky grumbles, her arms crossed defensively over her chest as her brown orbs pierce strongly into his.

The Italian man turns his head to glare at her. "And who the fuck are you? You don't know me or Lorna so what the hell business do ya have being here?!"

Alex rolls her eyes, staring angrily across at the man. The man she longs to strangle the life out of. "Shut up, Vince. Just let us in so we can get Lorna the hell away from you.  _Move_ ," she growls, trying to push him out of the way.

"Lorna  _doesn't want_  your fucking pathetic ass help. She hates you, told me  _herself_. Who'd blame her? You lie to her and make her think she needs some bullshit therapy! Fuck off. She don't want nothing to do with you so just leave her alone."

Shaking her head irritatingly, the black-haired woman grabs him harshly by the shoulders, "That's bullshit and you fucking  _know_  it! Lorna just called me and told me she wanted me to come here— _you're_  forcing her to stop being my friend because you want to have complete control over her…well guess what, buddy? This shit ends right now. Now let us the fuck in before I punch your damn eyes out!"

Nicky watches with wide eyes. She's never seen her roommate this outraged before, but it kind of amuses her.

He doesn't budge, hardly even blinks. "If ya don't leave, I'll call the cops. Lorna doesn't want you here and neither do I so  _fucking leave_!"

"Good,  _call_ them! I'll just let them know you're verbally and physically abusing your girlfriend. You think you're gonna outsmart me?"

The sound of an object's falling and glass shattering against the floor brings the conversation to a troubling halt. The two young women—strongly concerned—force Vinny out of the way and finally manage to walk inside the apartment. They follow the trail of glass shards to the back closet in the corner of living room. A guilty lump sits in Alex's throat to find her best friend huddled up in the closet, slowly rocking in a rhythmic pattern.

"Oh Lorna," her husky voice murmurs tearfully; she crouches down beside her, slowly enveloping her arms tight around her. The ache in her chest grows stronger. She strokes a hand comfortingly through her straggly hair. "This  _isn't_  healthy, kid—you can't keep living like this! What kinda life is it that you get so scared of your own boyfriend you feel the need to hide, huh?"

Nicky watches the two with compassionate eyes. This poor woman is going to need  _a lot_  of therapy to overcome this monstrosity, she internalizes and that breaks her heart.

The timid brunette bows her head. "I-I broke Vinny's football trophy," she mumbles softly, her hands very faintly tremoring. "It was an accident…I got real dizzy and bumped into the shelf—it shook and his tr-trophy fell right off."

Alex only embraces her tighter. She cautiously lifts her face so that their eyes meet; the complete exhaustion that sits on her friend's face only worsens the guilt she feels. "That's cause ya ain't eating, are ya? What'd ya have today?  _Anything_ , Lorna?"

"I'm  _fat_ ," she mutters.

"Kid, that's a load of shit," Nicky finally voices her concern, sitting herself beside the other two. Her eyes stare softly at them; she places a hand gently on each of theirs. "When was the last time food entered your body?  _The truth_. Because it looks like you've been starving yourself for weeks and if that's the damn case, we're taking you to the hospital."

The brunette tries to get out of her friend's strong hold but has hardly the energy to move herself. A loud sob courses through her. "Vinny's my boyfriend—he loves me. Don't make me go, p-please…I need, I need him," she cries.

"Yes, Lorna, we know that he's your boyfriend.  _But he's not good for you!_  Look what the hell he's done to ya—you can't even stand up without falling," Alex shouts, a rage boiling underneath her skin. Angry tears fall from her eyes as she pulls her friend closer in her arms, not in the slightest about to let her go anywhere near that vile man. "Nicky and I are getting you outta this shithole. You need to be checked at a hospital and then you're going to come stay at our place. Don't even think of trying to fight me on this."

She carefully stands up, Lorna gently in her arms, and feels another wave of tears when she realizes just how light the girl is. Her head shakes madly as she follows behind Nicky. "You're way too thin, baby— _dangerously thin_ ," she solemnly mutters, brushing a hand soothingly through her brown hair.

* * *

Lorna lies emotionless in the hospital bed, a half-hour later, her eyes dazed as they stare straight ahead into nothing. This is the last thing she wanted. To be a burden to not only her best friend but also the woman's roommates. No one deserves to be bothered with her, she knows. Even her own family can't stand to be in her presence. The thought, alone, brings a few sparse tears down her cheeks.

The door's opening slightly averts her attention. She blankly watches the two older women enter her room, each staring at her with deep uneasiness seeping through their eyes. The chairs on either side of her bed become occupied with one of them. The sensation of her hands being pulled into another hardly makes her flinch.

"Lorna…" Alex finally clears the silence. She lets her thumb caress tenderly across the petite Italian's forehead and sighs. "The doctor is heavily concerned with your weight and quite frankly so are me and Nicky. You need to open up and be honest about what's going on with you.  _Please_ , kid—you've been my friend for decades, why won't you let me help you?"

"How fat am I?"

If this wasn't so heartrending, Nicky would have to chuckle at such a question. But she doesn't. She only squeezes the young girl's hand tighter; looking at her with the outmost warmth and compassion. "You're not even remotely fat, Lorna. In fact, the doctor says you're extremely underweight—estimates ya haven't eaten in over a month, at least not a substantial amount," her voice tender.

"I-I can't eat," is her muffled response; she turns her head away.

"You need to, kid. You're in too bad shape to keep starving yourself like this! What's making you do this, huh?"

Lorna sniffles, glancing momentarily up at Alex before staring back at the white sheets that cover her body. She shrugs. "I don't wanna talk about it…I'm sorry," she whispers tiredly, guilty that she's hurting her friend without even knowing it.

"No, Lorna, don't apologize. You didn't do a damn thing wrong," the black-haired woman sternly informs her, scooting her chair closer to the bed so that she can bend down to kiss her forehead. She lingers for a minute, gazing intently into her friend's melancholic eyes. It pains her deeply to see her in this terrible state. "Just maybe get some sleep? You look like ya haven't had a good night's rest in a long while."

Sitting on the other side of the bed, Nicky nods her agreement. "Your friend makes a good point, kid. I think that's the best thing for ya right now. But tomorrow, I think it's best we schedule another appointment to talk. You need to talk about your problems; you need to heal and bottling them up like you are—it's not helping. I know it's painful and hard but opening up is your best option. Don't be afraid of your emotions, yeah? I'm not gonna make ya face them alone, I promise," she firmly assures her, brushing her thumb comfortingly over her knuckles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains physical/mental abuse, implied self-loathing, and more.
> 
> Author's Note: Hope it's as decent as the other two. Enjoy, I hope.

_Chapter Three_

The very next morning, once a doctor has finally cleared Lorna for discharge, she finds herself being forced into her friend's car. Her head leans emotionlessly against the window as the car rumbles to life. Staying a night in the hospital left a lurking pain in her chest. It's not something she'd like to experience again. Not after the poignant memories it carries with it, she knows.

"Lorna? You okay? Haven't heard a word from ya since last night," Alex softly questions, glancing over briefly with a concern heavily taking up the expression on her face. Her free hand she reaches over to gently cover her friend's with. "I'm taking you back to see Nicky…ya really need to talk to her and let yourself feel again, ya know?"

Shrugging, the shorter woman only hides further between the window and her knees. The emptiness seems to be further setting in. Her drive to keep going is rearing close to nothing at this point. She feels like someone came and sucked the life right out of her. All that's left is a shell—a very frail shell that barely keeps her surviving.

The two sit in silence for the duration of the drive. Alex only gives occasional—uneasy—glances when hitting a red-light. Once they pull into the parking lot and the car stops in one of the spots, Lorna submissively drags herself out and follows behind her taller friend into the familiar building. She solemnly sits in one of the waiting room chairs, her eyes focused on the floor beneath her.

She doesn't even notice her name's being called until a gentle hand taps her on the shoulder. Her body quickly stiffens at the touch; she jumps up from where she's sitting and realizes it's the redhead therapist who's standing in front of her.

"Sorry—didn't mean to scare ya," Nicky says, looking her over with worry. She quietly leads her back to her office, watching carefully as the petite woman sinks herself into one of the chairs across from her desk. As she sits in her own chair, she grabs her half-filled mug and takes a sip. "Would ya like some coffee or anything? Gotta a Keurig right over there," her voice warmly offers, pointing to a table that sits on the other side of the room.

"Uh, um, what kind ya got?"

A kind smile warms the redhead's face. She peers across into Lorna's brown eyes, a warmth radiating from her own. "There's a couple a those Maxwell House k-cups sitting in the drawer—I'm a cheap and easy kinda coffee drinker," she chuckles.

Lorna gives a very faint smile in return, "That's actually the kind me and Vinny always buy. It's gotta real nice taste."

That smile, no matter how small, takes Nicky's breath away for a whole sixty seconds. Quickly, she forces herself back into her professional role as the therapist and points over at the machine. "It does, yeah? Feel free to make yourself a cup, you're allowed. Honestly, I think it's less stressful chatting over coffee than to sit here in silence."

The brunette nods slowly and timidly stands up from her chair—walking cautiously over to make herself a cup or her most-favored beverage. Once it's brewed into the small plastic cup – one that resembles a cup from a coffee shop or fast food joint – she makes her way back to sit down. She carefully brings it to her lips for a sip, the sweet taste almost enough to make her smile again.

"I didn't know they had coffee-makers like that," she quietly mutters, her eyes wide with curiosity.

Nicky arches an eyebrow suspiciously, "Keurig's? Those been around for  _years_ now, kid. How have ya not seen one before?"

Lorna takes another sip of the coffee and shrugs. Money has always been an issue with her family and has proved to be a strong one between she and her boyfriend. The fact that he won't let her have a job is a big contributor, she knows, and hates that she can't change it. "I don't go to the store much, I guess. We got the old-fashioned coffee pot and ya know, it does its job. I don't mind."

The redhead nods and looks her over with a more serious expression. She sets her cup on her desk and rummages through one of the drawers, taking out a notebook and pen. Her eyes avert back over to Lorna, concern taking up her entire face. "We need to talk about your living arrangement, Lorna. It's not healthy in the least," she firmly starts off.

"No. There's  _nothing_  to discuss," the brunette defensively responds, folding her arms irritatingly over her chest. She knew coming back here was a bad idea and loathes that she let Alex talk her into agreeing once again.

"That's a lie and you know it. Alex and I were there—we saw the way he talks about you…like you're his object that he can do whatever he pleases with. And look where that's got ya, kid—you're barely the weight of a healthy human being and can hardly—"

Lorna slams her foot against the ground, standing up fiercely. Her brown eyes glare across into the therapist's. " _Don't_ try to pretend that ya know shit about my life! And stop acting like ya care—ya only listen because you're being paid to and don't try to say that's wrong. It's true, you get paid to listen to sob stories and get to go about your day like nothing happened! Well, I'm not saying anything else to you. I don't need your help—it's pointless," she yells, her hands balling at her sides.

The older woman calmly watches the outburst with shock and bemusement. She's not sure whether to consider this progress or a breaking-point. Her eyes are compassionate as ever as they gaze up at her raving patient. "I'm glad you're sharing how ya  _feel_  about this with me, kid. That's a step in the right direction. Now, please, come back and sit down. I'm not letting you leave until ya talk to me."

"Did ya not hear a thing I said? I'm done—this is a big scam and I don't want any damn part of it," she seethes, walking nearer the exit.

Nicky takes this time to get up from her own seat and frisk her way over, half-blocking the door. "I heard everything ya said, Lorna, and that couldn't be further from the truth. What would ever make ya think that shit? I care so deeply about all of my patients and every damn thing they've gone through—only an asshole would do this job solely for the money! I'd still do this even if I made nothing; I want to help these people. Don't just assume things without the facts," she fiercely responds.

"Isn't that what  _you're_  doing?  _You assume_  my boyfriend's a bad person when ya don't know shit about him or our relationship," Lorna bites back, glancing anywhere but at the redhead.

Massaging her temples, Nicky sighs and softens her features. "What am I supposed to assume when he clearly tried to force ya to break off your friendship with Alex, huh? What kind of boyfriend would do that?"

"That's not true," the shorter woman exasperates.

Nicky crosses her arms over her chest, giving a hardened stare towards her patient. "Lorna, we  _heard_  him say that. Stop covering up for him. That's not gonna help ya," she firmly assures, looking her over with a creasing forehead. This is certainly not going to be an easy person to work with, she sees.

The other rolls her eyes, "I don't want help. I don't  _need_  it. Let me leave."

"Kid, if ya really didn't want the help you wouldn't come. You do want it—you're just afraid to admit that. Saying that you don't need it isn't going to make that true. You can think that all ya want but I promise you that's only going to hurt ya more. Look, I get that it's difficult to talk about whatever's happened but bottling it all up is  _not_ the solution. You need try harder to open up, honestly. In fact, that's your homework for the week. If talking to me right now is too painful then at least try to talk to Alex about what's going on. Can ya promise you'll give that a try?"

Twirling her finger slowly around a strand of air, the younger woman lets out a defeated breath of air and gives a small nod.

Nicky sighs, reaching over to gently pat the other's hand. She stares at her with big empathetic eyes, hoping to convince the young girl – somehow – that she sincerely cares and wants to help her. " _Good_. I'll see ya in a few days then. Take care kid, I mean it. Ya got a sweet soul, ya shouldn't have to put up with anything that terrifies you."

* * *

Sitting in the living room, having a cigarette, Poussey jumps at the sound of the door shutting close. She turns her head towards the archway into the kitchen, noticing the murkiness that resides within her girlfriend's tall stance. Concern quickly creeps to the surface. She walks briskly to where the other woman stands and stares up at her with growing worry.

"Why ya look so sad, huh?"

The black-haired woman sighs and shakes her head. It irks her beyond belief that her best friend still refuses to move out of that place—that she willingly crawls back to a man who wouldn't know what love is if it hit him in the face. She covers her face in her hands for a brief moment and then gazes back at her girlfriend. "I don't know how the fuck to help my friend," she mutters, punching a fist against one of the countertops.

Poussey places a comforting hand over Alex's and takes out a cigarette from her jean pocket with her other hand. "Take this—it's better than breaking your knuckles," she suggests, passing it over to the other. She lets out a sigh, slightly shrugging her shoulders. "I thought ya got her to go to Nicky for therapy? What else is there to do?"

"Thanks," the taller woman half-smiles, gratefully taking the smoke and lighting it with one of the many lighters that make up their kitchen. "It's not that simple. I'm pretty sure she's finally hit rock-bottom—Nicky and I had to take her to a hospital last night because of how skinny she's gotten…she can barely stand up from how malnourished she is, and she thinks she's fucking fat! Her boyfriend's a fucking scumbag who isn't doing shit to help her—it's fucking nauseating."

"Well,  _shit_ —that's a truckload to deal with. That's why I never dated men; the majority of them are assholes. Why doesn't she just leave him?"

Taking a drag of her cigarette, Alex's eyes darken with fury. Her teeth grit angrily. "Probably because that piece of shit Vinny is putting shit in her head. He's the scum of the earth, I know that much."

"Or maybe you're just analyzing this all wrong? I don't know. I don't know what I can say to help ya," the darker-toned woman responds, bringing her cig to her lips and inhaling a large breath of air.

Alex immediately shakes her head. "Oh, no, I'm right. He's  _controlling_  her—every part of her life. He tried to convince her to stop being my friend, and she almost went through with it. She's submissive and too gentle…and that fucker takes advantage of her for it."

Pulling the other closer, Poussey wraps her arms tight around her waist in a comforting hug. Her lips stroke affectionately over the slightly taller woman's. She uses one of her hands to brush sparse strands of hair from her eyes and gazes compassionately into them, "I'm sorry; I'm sure it's hard to watch a best friend go through so much pain but I bet Nicky will be able to get through to her. Nicky's great at what she does, yeah? Now, I say we go rest a little—it looks like ya been up all night worrying for her." Her voice tender and warm as she gives another soft kiss to the other's lips before lovingly leading her to their bedroom.

* * *

The second Lorna enters her apartment, she regrets her decision. She hates herself for not listening to her best friend. But then the thought of burdening her comes through and instantly washes away any regret. It's better this way, she thinks. At least she doesn't have to worry about inconveniencing anyone. She sighs, walking into the kitchen and making her way through the hallway to her bedroom.

Aggressive arms grab onto her from behind, pulling her back towards the living room. She feels herself being thrown down to the floor and cries out in pain. Her eyes gaze tearfully up at the man she once dreamt of a life with—now glazed in fear and terror to be around him. "Wha-what was that for?" She shakily questions, towering away from him.

"What do ya think? For fucking letting your stupid friend talk to me the way she did and then letting her drag ya off—what the hell, Lorna? I thought I told ya that  _I'm_  the only one who loves you," Vinny growls, pulling her back towards him and pinning her against the hardwood floor. He glares darkly down at her, scraping his nails roughly along her pale cheeks.

"Please just-just leave me alone," the small woman mumbles, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to crawl in her bed and sleep away the pain. She tries to move away from him but that only fuels his anger.

Shaking his head, Vinny smacks her hard across the face and holds her down with a strong amount of force. His teeth grit together in fury while his brown orbs pierce heavily down into hers. "I'm your boyfriend, Lorna, and I'll do whatever the hell I please. After what ya did yesterday, it's only fair. Ya think that little friend a yours is gonna do shit to help you? Think she really gives a damn about ya? The answer is no. No one cares about you except for me. So, I think it's about time you forget about the rest of the world and start doing what I fucking tell ya," he growls, saliva running down his face and landing on the brunette.

"But-but-but—"

" _But nothing_! She doesn't want nothing to do with you, Lorna. Told me herself," he smirks, digging his nails gruffly into her shoulders. He stands up, picking her up off the floor, and drags her into the spare room where their exercise equipment is stored. A chuckle escapes as he forces her onto the treadmill and turns it on full-blast. "Get running,  _fatty_. Looks like ya snuck some food while you were gone, and we can't have that!"

Lorna holds on tight to the side-rails of the machine, already panting from the intensity of the run. Tears leak from her eyes; she turns her head to look at him, a pleading gleam shining through. "I—I can-can't…please – turn – it – down," her voice breathlessly begs.

The Italian man shakes his head, walking over to a cabinet that sits at the back of the room. He quickly digs through it until he comes across what he needs, snatching it briskly, and goes back to his girlfriend. Roughly, he rips two large pieces of the duck-tape from the roll and places them over each of her hands to ensure that she can't escape.

" _No can do_. This will teach you not to disobey me again—I'll come check on you in an hour. Try and lose some weight," he smirks, slapping her on the behind before exiting the room and locking the door shut.

* * *

It's nearing eight in the evening when Nicky and her two housemates find themselves sitting in a bar, surrounded by a mountain of empty beer bottles. She can't help but feel the weight of her day wither away from all the alcohol she drowned herself in. Sure, it's not the healthiest decision but it's better than shooting herself up with heroin. And it's not like she's the only one to do that. She watched Alex down at least five or six beers of her own—understandable, she notes, due to all the stress of watching her best friend deteriorate and not have the power to stop it.

"Just what the doctor ordered," she chuckles when another round is brought to their table. Her hands immediately reach for a fresh bottle, bringing it to her lips for a large swig.

Poussey, sitting between the two women, shakes her head. She looks at them with concern—it's not that she doesn't approve of their choices, it's that she doesn't like the idea of the two people she cares about drowning their problems with alcohol the way they did. One or two, even three beers, she can understand but a whole case each? That's just overkill, she knows.

"I'm starting to think  _you two_  may need therapy—y'all damn well probably wiped this bar outta beers," her tone joking, but on the inside she's serious.

The other women share a laugh and mindlessly pick at the basket of chips in the middle of the table. Alex places her free hand gently on her girlfriend's thigh under the table while staring over at her with a not-so-convincing smile. "Just something that was needed tonight is all—don't worry about it. I mean come on, Poussey, you smoke what—a pack of cigarettes a day, how is that any different than drinking a pack of beer?"

"And besides it's not like we're alcoholics or nothin'. Sometimes a night out drinking is the best solution—not like we drink this many beers every day," Nicky adds, slurping down the rest of her drink.

Shrugging her shoulders, the dark-skinned woman lets out a sigh. She sips on her soda and gives them both a stern stare. "I just hope ya know I ain't gonna be the one cleaning up your vomit tonight when all these beers finally catch up to ya. Y'all are on your own with that," she smirks, taking a chip for herself.

"Aw come on—what about Alex? Ya ain't gonna take care a your girlfriend?" Nicky slurs out her question, a playful edge to her voice.

The tallest woman of the three nods and turns to stare at her girlfriend, batting her eyes innocently up at her. "At least hold my hair back for me, would ya? Ya know I'd do the same for you, P."

Rolling her eyes jokingly, Poussey snakes an arm around her shoulder and kisses her tenderly on the head. "You're lucky ya got such pretty eyes or you'd be shit outta luck!"

* * *

By the time Friday rolls around, worry starts to set back in for Alex when she hasn't heard from her friend in over two days. Once her work-shift ends, she decides to rush down to her housemate's therapy practice. She rapidly enters the building, jumping on the nearest elevator, and jogging down the hall towards Nicky's office. Hurriedly, she opens the door and finds the redhead in the midst of writing up some report or another.

"Alex? What're ya doing here?" The shorter woman inquiries, glancing up from her paperwork with concern written all over her face.

Sighing, the black-haired woman slightly shrugs. She honestly has no clue what coming here would do for her—it's not like she could trust Lorna to come here by herself, she knows. "I—I'm just worried about Lorna…we haven't talked since the other day. Did she come by here at all? I know she was supposed to come for an appointment this morning?"

Nicky smacks her hands over her mouth, gasping out a breath of air. She quickly grabs her calendar from underneath the paperwork and looks for the patients scheduled for today. Her eyes glance back up at her friend, empathy seeping through as she shakes her head sadly. "She was supposed to come at nine…never showed—I'm sorry, kid. I don't think she's purposefully doing this…something's not right, I know that much," she softly responds, motioning for the other to come have a seat.

"I know she's not doing this on purpose—it's her asshole boyfriend, he's fucking controlling! What did she say to ya the last time she was here? Anything that could help us figure out what's going on?"

Reaching over the table, Nicky softly grabs the other's hands and holds them comfortingly in her own. "Anger isn't going to change the situation, Alex," she gently informs, caressing her thumbs tenderly over her knuckles. A sigh escapes her. "She still didn't open much—though we did have a nice little chat about coffee for the first few minutes. So sweet the poor girl is…it's a shame she's so afraid of letting herself get the help she needs."

Alex exhales a deep breath and shakes her head furiously. "Her sweetness is what got her into this mess—fucking Vinny takes advantage of it every chance he gets."

The redhead continues the soothing motion, staring compassionately across at her. "Ya know, maybe we should call the cops or something? I mean technically I'm required to if there's abuse going on. I know that's gonna make things more complicated for her but  _fuck_ —she shouldn't be living in that kinda situation anyway!"

"No, that's actually a brilliant idea. Then Lorna will have no choice but to realize she needs to let us help her. Do it—call them now, I wanna be here for it," the dark-haired woman states with a smirk, watching closely as the other reaches to grab her phone.

* * *

Lorna's eyes groggily open. A dazed sensation courses through her body; her surroundings are blurry as she tries to make out where exactly she is. There's a slight pinch in her hand, she notices, and a faint beeping sound that seems to be coming from behind her. A deep pain sits in her abdomen, she has to bite her tongue to stop herself from screaming. Her vision slowly clears up and when she realizes where she's at, horrification rips through her.

A door slowly creaks open, revealing a nurse who cautiously enters with a cart full of equipment to test vitals with. "Good afternoon, Lorna, it's nice to see you're finally awake," the woman soothingly says, a slight Spanish accent to her voice. She gently wheels the cart to the side of the young girl's bed and takes out a blood-pressure cuff that she gently places over her arm.

"Wha-what's going on? Why, why am I here and why does my stomach hurt so much?"

The nurse stares down at her with empathy in her brown eyes. Once the blood pressure is taken, she records it on the computer and removes it from Lorna's arm. She sighs, giving a comforting pat to her forehead. "You've had a major operation, Lorna. You've been in here for a few days now, do ya not remember any of it?"

Lorna's eyes widen in fear. She arches her eyebrows in confusion and worry. "What-what kinda operation? The last thing I remember is running on the treadmill. Where's Vinny?"

"I'm not sure of everything as today is my first day assigned to your care. But what I've been told is that you passed out and Vinny, I assume, rushed you here. They performed x-rays, CT scans, and MRIs, which all showed that your stomach was completely destroyed…you were rushed into emergency surgery right then and there. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know it's scary, especially since you don't remember any of it," the woman gently says, her eyes staring sympathetically down at her patient. She reaches down to brush a sparse hair from her eyes and sighs, "Vinny's currently in jail, from what I heard. There was a call to the police that he's been abusing you and so they came here and took him away."

The brunette shakes her head in disbelief. Tears pool in her eyes. She starts gasping for air at all the information she's just been given. It's too much, she thinks; she can't handle all this. "Who…who are you?"

Seeing her so distraught and fearful, the older woman grabs a chair and perches herself right beside her patient. She takes one of her hands in her own, stroking it comfortingly. "Nurse Mendoza, but you can just call me Gloria," she softly answers, watching her with graveness. Abused patients are always the hardest for her—she knows all too well what that's like to go through.

"I-I need Vinny," she cries out, her body trembling against the mattress. How can this be happening? How can everything just come barreling down on her all at once?

Shaking her head fiercely, Gloria cups her hands tenderly around the young woman's face and gives her a firm stare. "You don't deserve a man who thinks it's okay to put his hands on you! You don't need someone like that, sweetheart," her voice soothing as she brushes a hand comfortingly through her hair.

Lorna nods her head, sobs coursing heavily out of her. "He-he's all I have…the only person who loves me," she mumbles shakily.

"Oh, no, that's not true at all, Lorna. You have two friends sitting in the waiting room who are worried to death about you. They love and care about you. This Vinny guy doesn't know what love is—he's the reason you're lying here in a hospital bed with unimaginable amount of pain. Now you just lie here and calm down, got that? You don't need to stress over some dumb guy who doesn't know a good thing if it hit him in the head. I'm going to get your friends—they'll be happy to see you, sweetie."

* * *

The minute Alex and Nicky enter the room, their hearts ache deeply for the young brunette lying miserably in the hospital bed. They rush over to her, sitting on either side of the bed and grabbing hold of one of her hands. "No more Vinny, he's not allowed anywhere near ya again. You're too precious for an asshole like him, ya hear me kid? You deserve so much better than that," the oldest woman hisses, enraged with what that man's caused to her best friend. She bends down to place a soothing kiss atop the other's head.

Lorna squeezes her eyes shut as tears don't hesitate to fall from them. This is not how she planned for her life to go. Far from it, she thinks. Everything's happening so fast and it's too much for her. She can't handle all this pain—emotions, any of it. "Make it stop," her voice tearfully murmurs.

"Make what stop? What's the matter? Are ya in pain, Lorna?" Alex throws out her questions in a panic. Her arms wrap protectively around Lorna, gently scooping her onto her lap. She lays her up against her chest, hoping to soothe whatever pain she's experiencing.

The brunette shakes her head, sobs continuing to escape. She tries to free herself from the other's arms but that only causes a sharp pain to tear through her abdomen. She instinctively grabs onto it and cries out in pain. "I- _I can't do this_ —end it, please  _end it_ ," she desperately pleads.

"Shh, shh, shh," Alex hushes softly, slowly rocking her best friend in her arms. She holds her head tight against her heart, rubbing comforting circles tenderly around her back. "It's all gonna be okay; you'll be okay, Lorna. I promise. You have Nicky and I to help ya through this, baby, and I swear we won't leave you. Just close your eyes and try to sleep. The two of us are right here—we're not going anywhere."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Very, very dark chapter coming your way. Contains suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt (near the end), self-esteem issues, self-worth issues, aftermath of domestic abuse, and more.
> 
> Author's Note: I hope this chapter is up to par. Though, as it is quite heavy and mentions suicide, I'll understand if it's not read. I'm sorry for that in advance. I hope it's still somewhat enjoyable, however. :)

_Chapter Four_

A week after the operation, Lorna finds herself reluctantly moving in with her best friend and roommates. The pain that sits in her abdomen makes walking quite the chore, but she does her best to ignore it and push herself to do things. There's no way she'll have anyone cater to her like some helpless newborn. Her best friend, and especially the other two women—who she barely knows—shouldn't have to be bothered with her.

Once she's finally settled in, fatigue slowly overwhelms her body. She chooses to take this time to retreat to the spare bedroom—that can now be claimed as her own—and allows her body to fall back against the mattress. Pulling the sheets and comforter up to cover herself, she can't help but feel the uneasiness begin to fade. This is the most comfortable bed she's ever slept in, she internalizes. So comfortable that it rapidly lures sleep to overtake her.

* * *

The sound of screaming and sobbing disturbs Nicky from her work. She closes the lid to her laptop, quickly pushes the chair back into her desk, and exists her room to follow where it seems to be coming from. When she finds herself walking into Lorna's room, she's not too surprised. After what's happened the past couple of weeks, she can understand the distress the young girl is dealing with. Yet, that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking to see her sobbing and thrashing about in her sleep.

Cautiously walking closer to the other, Nicky cups her hands delicately around her face and uses her thumb to caress against the soft skin. "Lorna, wake up—everything's okay. You're just having a bad dream. Come on, open your eyes," she soothes, continuing the soothing motion around her face.

Fearfully, brown eyes pop out of the Italian woman's sockets. Her body visibly shutters away from the touch; she sits herself up and buries her face in her knees. "Don't touch me," her voice small and shaky.

"I'm sorry," the older woman warmly apologizes, quickly moving her hands away from her. She very cautiously sits on the edge of the bed—close enough that Lorna knows she's not leaving but far enough that there's not a chance for any part of their bodies to brush together. "Ya wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I-I'm sorry for being so—"

" _Stop it_. There's  _nothing_   _you_  need to apologize for, Lorna. You didn't do a damn thing wrong. It's not like ya can control your dreams or shit, yeah?" Nicky gives a firm stare down towards the brunette, wanting nothing more than to make her understand none of what's happened is her doing. She lets out a small sigh and softens her features somewhat, "How are you feeling? How strong is the stomach pain?"

The shorter woman shakes her head, keeping herself hidden between the blanket and her lap. "I'm fine."

Nicky shakes her head with frustration. She wouldn't buy such a life even if she was the least intelligent person on the planet. "That's a load of shit and you know it. Now, how bad is the pain? Do you need a couple Advil or something?"

"More like a whole bottle," is her inaudible response.

Eyes wide with worry, the redhead gives her an intent stare. "What was that, kid?"

Lorna sighs, her bottom lip curving into a frown. She turns her head sideway to gaze right back. "Uh, I said yes…please."

"I'll go get em'. Why don't ya lie back down for a little? You look pale," Nicky softly suggests, instinctively placing her hands on the other's shoulders and helping to lay her back against the pillows. For a brief second, guilt tears through her when she realizes she touched her against her wishes until she sees that the other doesn't seemed bothered by it in the least. She delicately pulls the comforter back over her body and moves a strand of hair gently from her eyes. "I promise you're safe here, kid. You don't needa worry or fear anything, I mean it."

Nicky quickly leaves the room to retrieve a cup of water and two pain pills. Not even a minute later, she returns and carefully hands it all to the brunette. Her eyes watch closely as Lorna sluggishly downs both pills. She carefully sits beside her on the bed, peering at her with apprehension. "Can I hug ya? You like ya need one," she softly inquiries.

The other gives a small nod but refuses to look up at her—afraid she might be trying to fool her.

Noticing that she won't look at her makes Nicky's concern for her only stronger. Her arms open wide and cautiously envelop around Lorna's small frame, pulling her to rest delicately up against her own body. She strokes a hand tenderly through her hair, staring down at her with empathetic eyes. "See, kid—I'm not gonna do anything to hurt you. I promise not everyone is out to harm ya like that V—"

"Vinny  _loves_  me. He's my  _boyfriend_."

Sighing, the older woman shakes her head. Her eyes gaze compassionately, yet sternly, down into her roommate's best friend's. She holds the girl's face gently in her hands, " _Love_  doesn't give anyone the right to control and abuse you, Lorna."

"Stop, please stop talking! Those are all lies—Vinny loves me and would never a do damn thing to hurt me so just  _fucking stop it_!"

Hugging her tighter, Nicky brushes her fingers softly through her hair. "No, kid,  _you_ need to stop denying the truth. How do ya expect to heal if ya just continue to deny everything?"

Anger slowly rises. Lorna glares up at her in irritation. "Why are ya trying to be a therapist right now? I really don't wanna fucking talk about anything. My stomach is killing me, and your questions are making me wanna take a big bottle a aspirin!"

"Okay, this is not going in the right direction. Don't even joke about that, Lorna.  _That's not funny_!" The redhead stares darkly down at her, not loosening her grip even a tad.

"I never said I was joking."

Nicky pulls her closer, holding her face firmly in her hands. She peers sternly into her brown orbs. "That's  _not_  okay, Lorna. This is exactly why you need to fucking open up and let your emotions out! If you think killing yourself is gonna cure you, you're wrong—know why?  _Cause you'd be fucking dead_. Is that what ya want, kid? Your answer  _better_  be  _no_  because you have a best friend who couldn't handle it if she lost you!"

The brunette bows her head in disgust of herself. The anger sizzles away into teary eyes. "I-I just want it to stop," she quietly sniffles.

Those words quickly soften Nicky's demeanor. Her eyes are thick with warmth and empathy. She takes her head in her hands and cradles it soothingly against her chest while running a hand up and down her back. "What, what do ya want to stop? What's hurting, huh?"

" _Everything_ ," her voice not much louder than a whisper.

Nicky sighs, keeping a secure hold on the younger woman. "How about I bring ya with me to my ma's bakery? It'll be good for you to get outta here for a little. Plus, she has some real good Russian pastries you can try…with  _coffee_ ," she tries to entice her with the one thing she's learnt she favors.

The brunette gives a small nod and her brown eyes gaze up at her with peaking curiosity. "You're Russian? I'da never guessed."

Chuckling, Nicky gives a gentle pat to her head before helping her up out of the bed. She guides her out towards the entrance door and out through the hallway towards the elevators—she knows the girl is fully capable of walking herself, but with the pain that being cut into is causing her she rather help her than watch her suffer in silence.

"No,  _I'm_ not Russian. Ma is. She's not my mother by blood or anything."

Lorna quirks an eyebrow. "Oh, so she adopted ya?"

The redhead shakes her head with a light laugh. She grabs the other's hand, once they've arrived in the parking lot, and pulls her gently along to her car. "Not officially. I think there comes a point when adoption isn't necessary anymore," she answers, helping her into the passenger seat and then getting in on the other side.

* * *

The bell above the shop's door chimes when it's swung open to allow Nicky and Lorna to enter. They walk over to the counter where Red stands on the other side, putting out fresh baked-goods. Their footsteps have the middle-aged woman stop what she's doing to stare up at who's entered inside of her bakery shop. A smile forms to see her daughter's presence but her eyebrows arch with wonder when they notice the unfamiliar woman standing beside her.

"Got anything good for Lorna to try, ma? She's our new roommate—Alex's best friend from grade-school," Nicky blurts out, staring across the counter at the Russian woman.

The red-haired bakery owner gives a warm smile to her and takes out two steaming-fresh donut-shaped rolls, handing one to each girl. "These just came out of the oven—a recipe passed down from my great-great babushka. Used to bake those with her granddaughter—my own grandmother—all the time."

Lorna very slowly bites off a sliver of it and can barely believe her taste-buds. She's never put something so delectable into her mouth before. It's better than even her most-favored brand of coffee. "Wow, it's real delicious. Kinda looks like a donut—what is this called? Ain't never had something quite like this before," she wonders, her eyes wide with inquisitiveness.

"Sushki—a long-standing family recipe," Red happily answers, a kind smile sitting on her face. She grabs two plastic cups and pours freshly brewed coffee into each. The cups, now filled with the dark hot liquid, are carefully handed over to both young women, "Coffee is recommended to sip on with these. Makes it that much more enjoyable."

Nicky gives a grateful smile in return. "Thanks, ma," she says before she and Lorna walk to one of the empty tables to sit down—after grabbing a few napkins. Her eyes gaze intently across towards the smaller woman, watching closely to make sure she  _actually_  eats the pastry. "Good, yeah? Ma's one hell of a baker!"

"Tastes like childhood," the brunette murmurs, picking at the treat meticulously. "It's so sugary and sweet—I'm sure  _just staring at_  it will put on weight."

"You just enjoy that, kid. You deserve a small treat, ya know? Can't deprive yourself of everything—that's not healthy," Nicky sternly states, her eyes peering heavily across into the other's. She grabs her coffee, bringing it to her lips for a long sip. The words that spill out of the Italian's mouth only make her realize how intensively she'll need therapy. Obviously, there's layers and layers of emotions she needs to work through.

The two sit in silence while finishing the rest of their Sushkis. Enthralled with such activity, the two nearly jump out of their seats at the sound of another person addressing them. Turning to face such person, they take notice of the middle-aged Hispanic woman—Nicky smiles and gives a wave, knowing she's one of Red's friend as well as most popular customer.

"Oh, hey, Gloria—ya haven't come by in almost a week! Busy shifts at the hospital?"

Placing a friendly smile on her face, the short-haired brunette looks between the two attentively. "It's never  _not_ busy," she lightly laughs, her accent very loosely visible. Her eyes dart over to Lorna, surprised to see her out and about so soon after the incident. "You look quite a bit better, Lorna—how are ya feeling?"

The youngest woman stiffens slightly. She instinctively picks up her cup and sips nervously on it. "Fine," she mumbles into the coffee.

"Well, I hope you're taking it easy. Shouldn't do anything too strenuous for a while," the Hispanic woman firmly points out.

Nicky chuckles, glancing over at the woman who stands beside their table. She nods her head in agreeance with her words. "Don't ya worry, nurse, Lorna will be well-looked after by her three new housemates."

Eyebrows arched, a small wave of amnesty washes over Gloria. A kind smile sits on her face as she pats a hand comfortingly over the redhead's shoulder. After talking to Lorna in the hospital, and learning of her situation, she worried the girl might be reluctant of any help but is beyond relieved to hear that she has such good people in her life now that are willing to get her through such an ordeal. "That's good to hear. I'll leave you two to yourselves—I just had to come see how Lorna was real quick," she says with a wave before walking away.

* * *

It's barely past six in the evening when the kitchen door opens and awakens Lorna from her slumber on the couch. Momentarily forgetting her surroundings, she pulls the blanket up to hide her face. She can feel her heart begin to race within her chest—she prays it's not Vinny, she knows she can't handle him right now. It doesn't even dawn on her that he's currently sitting in a prison cell, hours away from here. The fear continues to lurk.

"Lorna? Why are ya hiding your face?"

Her best friend's voice instantly wipes away any and all fear. She slowly removes the blanket from her face, timidly turning her head to see both Alex and another woman—the third roommate, she presumes—standing in the archway. "I, uh, was just sleeping is all." A white lie, she knows, but doesn't feel the need to mention otherwise.

Alex gives her an apprehensive stare but doesn't address her concerns. Instead, she and Poussey sit down on the other couch. "Sorry, kid, didn't mean to wake ya. Feelin' okay?" Seeing the other nod her response, a warm smile spreads. She points to the woman who sits beside her, "I don't think you two have met yet—this is Poussey, she's my girlfriend."

The brunette glances over at them and forces a small smile to her face. "Nice to meet ya, Poussey. I'm Lorna…your new housemate, it seems. So, uh, how long ya've been dating?"

"Finally, I've heard much about ya from this one—it's so good to have a face to your name!"

Shaking her head slightly, Alex gives a small glare to her girlfriend—the last thing she needs is for Lorna to think that she goes around talking about her to people she's not acquainted with. A sigh escapes, though, when the brunette doesn't seem bothered by the statement. "Lorna, she knows you're my best friend…ya don't have to hide that," she gently assures her.

Her hand reaches for Poussey's; she squeezes it lovingly in her own as a smiles takes up her face at her friend's curious question. "We've been dating since a few months after the three of us all moved in here. So that's what—verging on six months now. Best six months of my life, that's for damn sure."

"That's cute—I'm real happy for ya, Alex. I always knew you'd find your soulmate someday," the last part is spoken in a much softer voice. A very faint smile is displayed as she looks intently at the two—she can see the love shining through and it warms her heart to know that her best friend found her someone. Her eyes harden just a smidge while peering at Poussey—not out of spite or anything, but because she wants to make sure she knows to never cause her lifelong friend any harm or heartache. "You got yourself one of the sweetest and kindest people right there—don't do anything to ruin that, ya understand? She's got a gold heart. Don't break it."

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'm lucky to have someone like your best friend as the love of my life," Poussey warmly admits, her eyes affectionately gazing up into her girlfriend's.

Lorna nods with a smile, settling back against her cocoon of pillows and blankets. She slowly lets her eyes close. "I'm happy for the two of ya,  _really_. Love is the most beautiful thing."

Her heart melting in her chest for both of the woman she cares for, Alex gets up from her spot and makes her way over to the youngest one. She gazes down at her in warmth, bending down to press a maternal kiss onto her forehead. "You're so sweet, Lorn," she hums, soothingly brushing the hair out of her eyes. "It's okay—go back to sleep if you're tired, kid. Rest is good for ya."

* * *

Two more works pass on. Lorna's body slowly heals from the surgery she's been put through yet the mental anguish only worsens. Her weight still sits beneath normality—in fact, the aftermath of her abuse doesn't make anything easier. She still pushes emotions away—starving herself of food and anything nourishing to help her cope. It's the one thing she feels in control of. The one thing that she knows no one else can take away from her.

The only positive side of her situation is that she can apply for jobs and not have to worry that Vinny will yell at her for it. Though, with two very concerned and protective roommates watching out for her, the only job they'll agree to let her have is working at the bakery with Red. She's not opposed to it or anything—any job is better than nothing—but it does make her feel like a helpless child for their extreme protectiveness. It makes her wonder, sometimes, why she agreed to move in with her best friend.

* * *

With her physical health very gradually improving, Nicky finds this the perfect time for Lorna to start coming back to her office for therapy sessions. She sits at her desk, just past nine in the morning, and eagerly waits for the petite brunette to walk in. The sound of the door swiveling open—seconds later—brings a smile to her face. She turns to gaze at the other, but once she has a good look, her smile falters.

"Come here, come sit," her voice warm with concern. She intently watches as the young woman timidly takes the few steps over to the chair. A slight lump sits in her throat to see how fearful she seems to be today.

Lorna lets her body sink into the chair. Her hands hold tightly onto the armrests while she focuses her eyes on the floor, not in the mood to face any tough questions today.

Cautiously, Nicky reaches a hand over the table to place on her patient's. "Hey, kid…why are ya so down this morning? What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna do this right now. It makes me sick," she grumbles, retracting her hand away and placing it on her leg—letting the nails dig roughly into her skin. Tears slowly quiver from her brown orbs. She pulls her knees up on the chair and hides her face in them, an instinctive sob pouring out from her throat—muffled by the material of her sweats.

The redhead watches with sad eyes. She wants nothing more than to pull this poor woman into her arms and hug away all of her pain. A sigh escapes her. The sensation of wanting to touch her somehow is strong but she also doesn't want to make things any worse for her so she refrains herself. "Please talk to me. I know you're hurting, Lorna, but you need to  _let it out_ —you need to feel. You're only getting worse from keeping it all inside. Let me help you, kid.  _Please_ ," her voice desperately pleads.

" _Nothing_ will help—nothing you or anyone says will take it all away!" Lorna cries out, feeling a rush of anger come barreling to the surface. She beats her forehead roughly against her knees, wanting nothing more than to knock herself out. The pain, the emotions, the thoughts—it's all just too much. It's too consuming for her and she doesn't want to deal with it anymore. She needs it to end.  _Immediately_.

"Don't say that, that's not true," the other firmly states. She's never felt this emotionally attached to a patient before, granted she's also never accepted any patients of friend's before now either. Her eyes gaze strongly over at Lorna, compassion pouring out of them. "Stop hurting yourself—you don't need anymore fucking pain to deal with, Lorna.  _Stop_  it. You're gonna give yourself a headache!"

The brunette only shakes her head furiously and continues on. But it's not enough, she internalizes, and decides more drastic measures need to be taken to ensure that this anguish ends once and for all. She forces herself out of the chair, running out of the office, and down the hall to locate a staircase. Her legs jog up the flight of them to its highest point—stopping once she comes to a door, one that leads to the roof. She takes a minute to breathe, contemplating silently, before she finally pushes the door open and walks onto the top of the building.

Not far behind, Nicky feels a queasy sensation sit in the pit of her stomach as she frisks her way up the stairs after her. It's one thing for a patient to talk about suicide, but another for them to actually go through with it or attempt to. She's not letting this happen. She can't let this young woman jump to her death not when it'll hurt the people who care for her.

She finally reaches the door to the roof, her heart speeding in her chest, and pushes her way outside. The sight before her brings tears to her eyes. Her legs take her over to where Lorna stands—on the very edge of the roof, almost on the ledge—and she stares at her with nothing but deep compassion. "Don't do this, kid. It's not worth it! Trust me, it's not. Come here, come sit with me," she pleads, her voice soft and gentle trying to lure her away from the ledge.

"It's the only thing that'll take all my pain away, Nicky. Please just let me jump—it's for the best. Not like I got my family to miss me. I mean I know Alex will be sad for a little but she's got you and her girlfriend to help her. She'll thank me for doing this."

The redhead feels a tear leak down her cheek. She shakes her head, cautiously walking a little closer to her. "No, sweetie, this isn't the only thing that will take your pain away—please come here. Let me help you. Come sit with me and tell me why you think any of that," her voice all but begs. She tries to grab her but that only makes Lorna move closer to the edge.

Tears pour heavily from her own eyes as she stares down at the cars that line the road, driving along the busy city. She'll be dead in less than a second and all the pain will be replaced with the peace of Heaven. Her brother will greet her and it'll all be okay.  _She'll be okay_. "No, Nicky, this is what I need to do. I need my life to end. It's the only sure way to stop the pain. Please tell Alex I'm sorry and I'm not doing this to hurt her…I just, I can't handle any of this. I'm weak and selfish. She shouldn't have to put up with a friend like me. I'm not worth it."

"Lorna,  _stop—please stop_ ," Nicky softly yells, finally grabbing onto her and pulling her in for a fierce embrace. She carries her away from the edge and sits down with her in an area she deems safe. Her arms only tighten around Lorna's tiny frame, she cups a hand soothingly around her cheek and gazes into her eyes with a tenderness. "Alex is very fond of you, kid. She needs you in her life; I'm not gonna let ya do this and have to tell her that I watched her best friend jump to her death."

She inhales a sharp breath, leaning her forehead gently against the brunette's. Soft eyes peer into teary, pained eyes. "You're worthy of living, of having people in your life who wanna help and take care of you. You're not weak or selfish, Lorna— _you're hurting_ , you're allowed to hurt. You've been through a lot. A lot of things that you didn't deserve to deal with," she sternly assures her, breath trickling against Lorna's quivering lips.

Nicky uses her thumb to delicately move a sparse strip of hair out of her face. "Your pretty eyes don't deserve to have all that pain. And neither does your poor brain—ya gotta let it come out. This reason right here is exactly why Alex wants you to come to therapy. You continuously push your emotions to the side and this is what happens when ya deprive yourself of feeling. You can't do that anymore, sweet one, it's toxic."

"Why do you care if I die or not? Ya don't hardly know me. And why would ya want to, anyway? I'm the toxic thing—I hurt people without even knowing," the brunette mumbles, bowing her head down in shame.

Without even thinking, Nicky locks her lips warmly with the brunette's. It takes her slightly by surprise—she quickly pulls away when she realizes what she's done but continues to keep her arms held around Lorna's waist. She takes a deep breath, looking down at her with apprehension. "I didn't mean to do that…I'm sorry, Lorna. I just—hearing how much ya berate yourself…it makes me wanna love you for yourself. You need love, kid. Love is what will help you heal from this. Love and letting yourself feel. I care about you—not just as a patient but as a friend. I want you to live to your fullest potential and killing yourself…that's not the answer, doll. You need to accept help from both Alex and myself. I know it's hard and something you're not used to but I want you to try. Ya owe that to yourself. You are worthy of being alive, ya hear me? I will continue to tell you that until you believe it. This incident will not have any repeats."

Lorna's body instinctively worms closer to the affection that Nicky's gives off. She clings to her, almost in desperation. Her words bring a well of tears to her eyes. She buries her face in the taller woman's shoulder, ashamed for anyone to see her cry. "Please, please don't leave me," she whispers shakily.

"Shh, shh. Of course, I won't leave ya. Never. It's okay, Lorna, it's all gonna be okay," Nicky softly soothes, pulling her head to lay over her chest; she presses a soft kiss atop it and slowly rocks her. Tears fall heavily from her eyes, at this point, as well. She's never felt this close to a patient before—never wanted to protect someone as much as the young woman in her arms. "You're safe now. You'll get through this pain, baby, I'll help you. I promise. We're a team now—no more holding in emotions."


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five_

Opening the door to her shared apartment, Nicky leads Lorna through the kitchen and into the living room—sitting her on the couch. She sits beside her, her eyes never once glancing away from her. "Ya gotta tell Alex, ya know that?" Her voice softly informs the other. She intently watches the other's reaction and inwardly sighs. It's not something easy to share with a close friend, she knows, but she also understands that it's crucial for Lorna to tell her what happened. That's the only way she can even begin to heal.

"Tell me what?"

Lorna feels her body immediately tense when she sees the black-haired woman standing in the archway from the hall. Figures, she'd walk in instantly after Nicky tells her that. A slow breath of air dispels from her body. Her body is completely drained; the last thing she wants, right now, is to tell her best friend what she almost did. Something she knows will only hurt her.

Seeing that the brunette isn't going to make an effort, Nicky sighs and gives her a slight nudge on the shoulder. Her big eyes peer firmly into resistant ones. "Lorna, don't ya think your best friend should know what happened?"

The brunette buries her face in her legs and shakes her head.

Concern growing by the second, Alex makes her way in the living room and sits right beside her friend. She wraps an arm gently around her shoulder, pulling her in for a soothing embrace. "Come on, kid, tell me what happened. Please," her voice softly pleads as she strokes the tips of her fingers comfortingly down along her cheeks.

Lorna's eyes momentarily peer over into the redhead's as if waiting for approval.

Sensing her stare, Nicky grabs one of her hands and squeezes it softly in her own. "It's okay. Just talk to her. She's not gonna be upset with you, Lorna. But you have to be honest. Your feelings are important;  _you're_  important," she softly whispers, bringing her hand to sit on her lap and stroking her thumb tenderly over her knuckles.

Arching an eyebrow, Alex gazes down at the girl with worry seeping through. A knot forms in her stomach. Her arms tighten around the brunette, keeping her close to her body. "You're like the sister I never got, Lorn, you and your feelings are very important to me. Don't be afraid to talk to me…I would never get upset with you, I promise."

"I did…well  _almost_  did something that mighta made ya mad. I—I'm sorry," the brunette answers, slightly pulling away and burrowing into herself.

Scooping her back in her arms, the older woman shakes her head and gives a soothing kiss atop her head. "Lorna, I'll never be mad at you. Please just tell me what ya did, yeah? It's okay. I'm not gonna get upset with you."

"Stood on a roof," is her muffled reply.

Immediately, Alex tightens her hold on her best friend's waist. She pulls her as close as she can, letting her eyes stare heavily down into the other's. An eyebrow quirks worriedly. "What-what roof? Why, why were ya standing on a roof, kid?"

Lorna shakes her head, tears slowly beginning to run along the sides of her face. She slightly turns her head and meets eyes with Nicky, who only gives her an empathetic glance. She feels a bout of anger start to brew. This is all too much. She can't deal with this; it irritates her that the redhead stopped her from ending all the misery.

Placing a hand softly on the brunette's cheek, Nicky gazes warmly into her eyes—wanting nothing more than to encourage her. "Go ahead, baby, it's okay. Tell her what ya planned to do. She won't judge you; you're her best friend and all she wants is to help you," she warmly assures, brushing the tips of her fingers lightly against her skin.

"I-I was gonna jump off the roof."

"You were gonna do  _what?_  Lorna,  _why_? Why would ya do that? You have so much to live for and people who care about ya—why would ya wanna kill yourself?!"

Tilting her head down, Lorna sighs. "Not really. My boyfriend's in jail and you're my only friend, Alex. I have no one else…you'd a got over it eventually and Vinny would be happy. Ain't like my dad or sister even care anymore—haven't talked to them in years," she whispers, sniffling softly into her arms.

Cradling the brunette's head in her hands, the black-haired woman lets her light eyes peer compassionately into her friend's. Her words couldn't be any further from the truth. "Ya actually think I'd get over losing my best friend? Are ya kidding me? Lorna, that's fucking bullshit—we've been best friends for nearly two decades and if ya ever died… _I can't even think_  about that," her voice trails off slightly as her arms tighten and pull the smaller woman closer.

"Vinny's a piece of shit and you're done with him. He can rot in that cell for the resta his life. He's the damn reason you feel so bad that you'd resort to suicide, yeah?"

Lorna bites her lip and closes her eyes.

"It's true, isn't it?" Alex shakes her head. Her friend's resistance irritates her to no end, sometimes. She sighs and traces her thumb softly around the other's forehead. "You're very important to me, Lorn, and I don't ever wanna lose ya. So, don't do something like that again, ya hear?"

The other gives a timid nod, her bottom lip curving into a faint frown. "Sorry," she mumbles, keeping her head tilted to the ground in disgrace of herself.

Shaking her head, Alex places a comforting kiss atop her head before laying it to rest against her heart-beating chest. Her arms encircle protectively around the other's petite frame—a sigh of relief escapes. She's beyond thankful that Nicky was there to talk her friend out of ending her life. She knows for a fact that she couldn't handle losing another loved one. "You have no reason to be sorry. Just close your eyes and rest—you've obviously been pushing yourself too hard."

* * *

_The end of summer brought with it a dreariness for Lorna. At ten-years-old, and starting middle school, her anxiety was at an all time high. Elementary school certainly wasn't a walk in the park and she knew this year would only get worse. Franny, her older sister in high school, made that pretty clear. "Middle school's the worst, Lorn—all your friends are fake and everyone's hormonal," she remembered her sister's words from the night before. A sigh escaped. She already only had a couple of friends, who barely acknowledged her existence when in public—she couldn't imagine what'll happen with them now._

_"Lorna, my little wallflower," Stansie Morello's voice called through the hall as she slowly made her way into her youngest daughter's bedroom. She went over to the window, pulling the curtains to let the sunlight pour through the room. "Gotta wake up—ya have school in an hour. Rise and shine!"_

_Lorna pulled the comforter over her face to hide away from the brightness her room was now glistening in. "I can't go to school. I'm feeling, uh, sick," she mumbled into the pillow underneath her head. Lying was never something she liked to do but she couldn't face her fate of attending the first day of school. Not after the horrors that her older sister informed her of._

_Pulling the blanket completely off of her child, Mrs. Morello gave her a stern stare. She folded her arms firmly over her chest. "You're going to school, Lorna. Ya ain't sick. What's the problem? Where's my sunny little wallflower?"_

_"She's scared of middle school and wants to stay home with mom. Please? Don't make me go," the curly-brunette pleaded, situating herself so she was sitting in her mother's lap—eyes innocently gazing up into hazel ones._

_The woman sighed and held her child close. She brushed a hand tenderly through her thick brown curls, kissing the top of her head in a comforting manner. "What'd your sistah tell ya? She's just tryna scare ya, Lorn. Middle school isn't that bad. You're a sweet little girl—everyone will be happy to have ya as a friend. You just put that pretty smile on your face and everything will be fine," she softly assured, staring down at her with a warm smile._

_Lorna gave a small nod in return and snaked her arms around her mother's neck. "I hope you're right, mom. Cause Fran said middle school is the worst and I won't have any friends."_

_Rolling her eyes, Stansie gave one last squeeze and peck on the head before releasing the small girl. "Don't listen to her. You'll have a great time and meet so many new people. You're a sweet, smart, and cheerful little girl. You'll make friends real easy, wallflower. Now, get dressed and I'll get breakfast fixed for ya."_

* * *

_Her medium-length brown curls neatly fastened into two pigtails and her newly-bought—as well as favored—pink dress covering her body, Lorna skipped her way off the bus and into the building of her new school. The bus ride was nice; she hadn't got to go to school with her brother in over two years and enjoyed being able to sit with him on her way there—it certainly helped to settle her nerves. Though now, after he waved goodbye and left to find his own friends, she felt alone and timid._

_"Nice dress," a voice called out, stopping Lorna in her tracks._

_She turned to where it came from, a smile on her face, and met eyes with a slightly taller blonde girl. "Thank you," her voice cheerful and enthusiastic in response._

_The blonde girl rolled her eyes with a chuckle. A couple of other girls stood behind her, snickering as well. "It's_ not _a compliment. That's the same dress my mom took to the goodwill last month—it's so out of style," she crudely retorted._

" _And your hair—it makes ya look like a preschooler. Are ya sure you're in the right school?" One of the other girls pointed out with a laugh._

_A few tears gathered in Lorna's eyes. She knew her sister was right. Middle school wasn't going to be fun at all—no one cared about personality or niceness; it was all about popularity and the latest clothing trends. Surely, she'd never fit in and might as well consider herself the school-reject from that point on. That's until it seems someone came to her defense._

" _Leave her alone—who cares if she's wearing a dress from a thrift store or likes to have her hair in pigtails? I think she looks adorable," a raspy-voice yelled out._

_Lorna lifted her head to see a tall black-haired girl come walking over to—seemingly—diffuse the situation. Relief washed over her; she stared over at the mysterious girl with admiration. She would never have the guts to stand up for herself, let alone a complete stranger. The gesture brought a rush of warmth over her._

" _Thank, thank you," her voice shakily whispered once the mockery crew left and only the two of them were left._

_The other gave a friendly smile in return. "I know what it's like to be picked on just from appearance. Those girls are as fake as they come. I promise they're not all like that—well, maybe the majority of them are since I still haven't made any friends and I've been going here for two years," she muttered the last part, a slight sadness to her tone._

" _I'm sorry. You, you've been here for two years and made no friends? Wow…my sister was right—this_ is _gonna be the worst school ever. I guess I'll be in the same boat—I don't got no friends either."_

_Placing a hand kindly onto the younger child's shoulder, the darker haired girl shook her head with a growing smile. "We can change that by being each other's friends—what'd'ya say?"_

_Lorna slightly shrugged. "I guess so. But, uh, what's your name? I'm Lorna."_

" _Alex—nice to meet ya," the other answered, giving a gentle squeeze to her shoulder._

* * *

_Lunch time soon came, finally ending the painful morning of dealing with the cruel remarks and whispers of her peers. Lorna quickly walked out to her locker and grabbed her lunchbox, holding it to her chest as she instinctively skipped her way down the hall to the cafeteria that housed a crowd of squabbling children. Anxiety hit full force as her eyes scanned the entire length of the room, trying to scope out an empty table. When she found one—in the furthest corner, almost hidden from view—she made a v-line to it._

_She plopped herself down in a chair and started to unpack her lunch. Her eyes focused on finding spots for each of the items—napkin on the right, sandwich centered in front of her, chips on the left, and the juice box in the left corner. That was how she placed them every lunch period ever since kindergarten. It's one of the few things she had control over in her life and she refused to jeopardize that._

" _Hey, ya want some company?"_

_Lorna looked up from her laid-out lunch to see the black-haired girl from earlier addressing her and couldn't help but smile. "Sure. Better than eating alone," she answered, watching as Alex slid in the chair beside hers. Her eyes wandered over at her, realizing there was no food being placed in front of her. Immediately, her eyebrows quirked in curiosity. "Where's your lunch?"_

_The older girl put her notebook on the table before turning to look at the other. A sad smile made its way to her face. "Don't have one today—my mom's been struggling to keep food in the house lately, it's no big deal though. She always figures it out."_

_A lump formed in Lorna's throat. Sure, her family's not the richest but she'd never had to go without a meal. She picked up her sandwich, ripping it in half, and gave one of the halves to her new friend. "Take this—it's not good to go without meals…that's what my mom always says. How often do ya come without food? I can tell my mom to pack me two sandwiches," she questioned, staring at the other with concern._

" _Oh, you're too sweet; thanks, kid, but really, it's okay. You eat it. Ya shouldn't give your food away—"_

" _And let my new friend sit here with nothing? Oh, no, you keep it and enjoy it. And I'm tellin' my mom to pack me two from now on. It's not okay for you to go without meals," Lorna stubbornly informed._

_A heartfelt smile sitting on Alex's face, she grabbed the brunette's hand and squeezed it gently in her own. "Thank you, Lorna. You're a good person—never met someone as nice as you."_

* * *

It's nearing midnight when Alex finds herself peaking into her best friend's bedroom. After hearing that she almost went through with ending her own life, she can't help but worry for her even more. There's no way she can ever risk losing Lorna—the one person in her life that's like family to her, and without her mother, she knows she has no one else. Her girlfriend, whom she loves with her entire being, certainly is a positive in her life and she wouldn't change that for a thing—but no one can take the place of her best friend – rather her sister. That's why she finds herself tip-toeing into her room and perching herself on the edge of her bed right near her head. She strokes the side of her face with tender fingers.

Lorna's eyes flutter open at the touch. They widen in fear, being touched in her sleep brings forth painful memories. She instinctively jerks away, not yet realizing it's only her friend.

"Shit, Lorna, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare ya, kid. I just—I needed to check on you. Are you okay?"

The brunette slowly nods, letting out a yawn as she stretches her arms over her head. Her eyes gaze up at Alex's; she notices the faint pain and knows that's her own doing. Guilt rises. She gently reaches up to wrap her arms around the older woman's neck, embracing her softly. "I-I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry for hurting you—I just…I wanted everything to stop," she mutters, burying her face in her friend's shoulder.

Enveloping the petite Italian into her protective arms, Alex presses a motherly kiss atop her head while running her hands gently through her brown waves of hair. She slightly shakes her head with a sad smile. "Don't apologize, Lorn. You can't help how ya feel; it's okay. How ya feel is  _how ya feel_  but what you can't do is bottle it all up because then something like this happens. What hurts is knowing that my sweet best friend thinks I wouldn't care that she'd die…That's not even close to the truth. Losing you would be like having my eyes dipped in Clorox and then placed back in my head—I couldn't handle it, baby. You're too important to me to lose! Please, Lorna, please don't ever pull a stunt like this again—promise me ya won't?"

"I—I'll try. I don't wanna do something to hurt ya but I just—I can't promise anything right now. I'm sorry," Lorna mumbles, staring down at the fabric of her comforter.

"Lorna, what do ya mean ya can't promise anything? You seriously plan to try to kill yourself again? No, absolutely not. What ya need to do is fucking open up and talk about your problems. That's the only thing that's going to help you. Suicide is not the fucking answer and if you think you'll ever have the chance to do something like that you're  _wrong_! Every sharp object in this apartment will be locked up and hidden. All the windows will be child-locked—I'll do whatever I need to do to keep you from attempting another suicide. Ya hear me, kid? This thinking needs to quit. It's not healthy and you can't afford to go on like this anymore."

The brunette bows her head in shame. Tears slowly fall from her eyes, landing on the mattress. She timidly nods.

Sighing, Alex gently takes her friend back into her arms and rocks her soothingly for several silent moments before giving a comforting kiss to her forehead and laying her gently back against the pillows. She pulls the blankets and sheets to wrap softly around Lorna's tiny frame. "I'm not upset with you, Lorna. I just—I hate that ya feel this fucking bad. Seeing you hurt  _hurts_  me. You're my best friend and I want to take all of your pain away but I can't. The only thing that's gonna help is for you to talk to Nicky. I promise she's a good person—she will do whatever she can to help you. But you need to let her."

Settling in her bed, the Italian sniffles out a breath. She nods, turning on her side to stare up at her friend. A faint half-smile spreads on her face, "I like Nicky. She—she really did help today. Besides you, no one's ever wanted to help me before—but she really does seem sincere."

"Oh, Lorna, I'm so glad to hear that. Believe me, Nicky is the sincerest person you'll meet. She's good for ya, kid. I wouldn't steer ya wrong," Alex informs softly, brushing strands of hair soothingly away from the brunette's eyes. Her head bends down to give one last small kiss to Lorna's forehead. A small smile of her own forms. "Go back to sleep, kid. You need it—ya had a long day. Everything's gonna get better…I promise, baby. Just give it time."

* * *

Nearly nine-thirty the next morning, Nicky stands in the kitchen fixing a pot of coffee and scrambling an egg on the stove when she hears footsteps coming from the living room. She turns her head to see who they belong to, smiling warmly as her eyes meet with Lorna's. "Mornin', kid. How'd ya sleep?" Her questions are tenderly asked while she rummages through the cabinets for two mugs.

The brunette timidly makes her way into the kitchen. She tries to force a smile to her face but finds that quite the chore. Her friend's words sank in over night and she does want to make the effort to work through her emotions but she knows how difficult that will be and isn't too keen on that. "Thank you, Nicky, for—uh—for helping me," she mutters softly.

"Oh, kid, no. You don't gotta thank me. There's no way I'd not help ya," Nicky softly responds, pouring out two cups of the freshly-brewed coffee. She hands one to Lorna, looking her over intently. She sighs sadly, realizing she's still as thin as ever. "What do ya want to eat, kid? Ya like eggs? Or oatmeal?"

Those words haunt Lorna. She inwardly questions their sincerity—is she helping her because she wants to or because she's just her roommate's friend. A sad sigh escapes. This isn't going to be easy. She can't open up to someone she's not sure actually genuinely cares for her well-being. Her hands grip tightly onto the mug; she brings it towards her lips for a much-needed sip.

"I'm fine with the coffee, thanks."

Shaking her head in irritation, Nicky folds a hand over one of her hips and allows her eyes to peer heavily across into the brunette's. "What do you want to eat? Coffee is  _not_  food, Lorna. You  _need_  food."

Lorna rubs a hand over her temple, sighing. There's no way she's letting anyone take control over her food-intake. She can't eat and won't be forced to do something that hurts. " _Coffee is fine_ , Nicky. Thank you. I've been surviving on it quite fine for a while now so please don't push me," she bites back.

"No, kid, it's  _not_  fine. You are deliberately starving yourself and it needs to stop. It's not healthy—just like bottling up your emotions and feelings. You need to stop doing this shit to yourself. You have to open up and let me help you. You can't deal with this pain on your own, Lorna. Now, please, let me make you something to eat. You're so skinny—I can't let ya starve."

Anger slowly bubbles under Lorna's surface. Her hands faintly shake from how tensed up she feels. "Why are ya always being a therapist around me? Is that all I am? A helpless patient? I'm not fucking doing this right now. Just let me drink my coffee in peace.  _Please_."

Nicky sighs, shutting off the stove and placing the eggs on a paper plate. She slowly walks over to the younger woman and opens her arms for an embrace, "Come here, kid. I'm sorry—I'm not trying to upset ya, I swear…I just—I don't like to see anyone self-destruct like this. Please come here; you need a hug, Lorna." She feels her heart flutter a smidge when the brunette actually does just that. A smile forms on her face; she encircles the other tightly in her strong arms.

"See—doesn't that feel better?" Nicky's voice warm above the smaller woman's ear as she stands embracing her tight against her own body.

Trying to resist the calming effect the hug washes her with, Lorna shakes her head. "Not really," she grumbles.

With a chuckle, the redhead can't help but adore the way the other seems to be trying too hard to hide her pleasure. Even more so when she notices the very faint smile that seems to creep up from the corners of her mouth. "Yeah, is that why you're smiling?" Nicky smirks playfully but pulls Lorna closer—letting her head nestle right between her neck and chest. She brushes a hand tenderly through her hair, "It's okay, kid. You're allowed to enjoy being held. Ya know, hugs are one of the best healers. I regularly prescribe that for most of my patients and you—sweet one—you need all the hugs ya can get."

Lorna sighs and rolls her eyes. "And where'd ya hear that? Therapy training school?" She looks down, guilty for being so edgy towards the other. She knows Nicky's only trying to help but she's not sure she's ready for it. Another sigh escapes her. " _I'm sorry_ …I shouldn't be so bitchy to ya—not after ya saved my life."

"Actually, that's exactly where I learned that," Nicky chuckles, kissing her softly on the cheek. She continues to run her hands soothingly through the thick waves of brown hair. "Don't be sorry. You're letting out your emotions; that's a good thing, kid. You're not being bitchy—if ya think this is bitchy, then damn kid, ya really are such a sweet girl. I've dealt with  _real_  bitchy people—this ain't even close."

The brunette stares down at the floor not quite sure what else to say. She reaches for her coffee and takes a sip. "Do ya use Maxwell coffee here too?"

Giving a gentle pat to her head, Nicky nods with a soft smile. "I do, indeed. Ya know what goes great with a cup of coffee? A cinnamon pop-tart—I'll split one with you, how's that?"

"I-I can't. Vinny doesn't like when I eat them…"

Rage boils. Nicky grits her teeth and stares deeply into the brunette's eyes. "Vinny's in prison. He has no say anymore. You like pop-tarts? I'll give ya one, baby."

Shaking her head violently, Lorna feels her knees slowly buckle up underneath her. The last thing she needs is to eat one and then have Vinny find out. He'll force her to run on the treadmill for hours on end. "Vinny says they make me fat and I-I don't wanna be fat, Nicky."

Framing the Italian's face in her hands, Nicky gazes compassionately into her eyes. She lets the tips of her fingers brush delicately up against her skin. Her lips press onto Lorna's forehead. "Vinny's not here, Lorna. He's not here to hurt and taunt ya anymore. You're beautiful and far from fat—you're  _tiny_. You need some meat on your bones. Do you want a pop-tart? You seem to like them…and that Vinny refused to let ya, huh? Well, you're free of him, now, and you can eat whatever your precious heart desires. I'll get you a pop-tart if ya want one—I promise, baby, you're not gonna get fat from eating one. You're so sweet, Lorna, you don't deserve to feel this way about yourself. How can ya wanna hurt yourself? A precious, beautiful, sweet, loving woman…You deserve love— _lots_ of it."


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter Six_

_Middle school was a long, tedious, four years for Lorna but she finally made it through in one piece. As opposed to what her older sister warned her of, she made a lifelong best friend the first day she began the treacherous journey through a school full of hormonal and cliquey tweens. Now, her hair in her mother's curlers and her face lightly covered in make-up, she readied herself for the first day of high school. Nerves sat in her stomach—going to a new school was always something she hassled over. Yet, she knew she'd finally be reunited with Alex—who'd already attended for the past two years._

_Quickly, she undid the rods from her hair and smiled at her reflection in the mirror that sat on her vanity. Appearance was a significant part of her. She liked to fix her hair and cover her pale cheeks with powder and blush—it made her feel feminine and pretty. Half-way through middle school, she started to wear make-up, wanting to fit in with the other girls in her class and try to gain the attention of her developing crush. Without her best friend to chat with, she took to focusing on her looks and dreaming out a future with the eighth-grade—champion of all varsity sports—boy, Vincent. The moment her eyes landed on his—as her pencil suddenly dropped off the tip of her desk—she knew he was the love of her life. And she vowed to work up the courage to talk to him by the end of her freshman year._

_She made her way out of her bedroom and down the stairway to the kitchen. The time on the stove informed her that she had an hour yet before school began. A smile formed; that gave her just enough to time fix a cup of coffee and bowl of her favorite Italian breakfast—farina with a handful of fresh strawberries._

" _Lorna, what the hell are ya wearing? That skirt is too short! Where do ya think you're going—the bar? Ya better march your ass right back up them stairs and put on something that damn well covers your legs! Your nonna's turnin' in her grave…if she were here, she'd whoop ya with that wooden spoon," her father yelled, looking up from his newspaper in disgust. He certainly didn't need another daughter coming home pregnant._

_The brunette gathered her coffee and farina, turning to glare over at Mr. Morello with an irritancy shining through her brown orbs. "I can wear what I want, leave me alone," she muttered, before ascending back up the stairs to her room._

" _Not in_ my _house ya can't! You better put on something appropriate or I'll throw out every last piece of your provocative clothing. There will be no more premarital babies coming into my house," he yelled back after sipping on his coffee._

* * *

" _Are ya nervous about high school?" Lorna's older brother questioned, staring across at her while they were stopped at a red-light._

_Tapping her nails anxiously against the window, the brunette gave a slight shrug. It couldn't be any worse than middle school, she assumed. At least that's what she hoped. She'd see her best friend again and maybe gain the attention of that handsome Vincent that her eyes had been lusting after for so long. "I just wanna fit in is all. And, ya know, maybe get a boyfriend."_

_Mikey shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're too young for a boyfriend, Lorn. Freshman boys are too immature and not good enough for ya, anyway. Believe me, I was one a couple years ago and was exactly that. Ya gotta wait til' they're at least sophomores," he rambled while making a turn up a large hill that led to the school._

" _No, Mikey, ya don't understand. I think I found the one," Lorna interrupted, a wistful smile spattered on her face._

_Her brother shot his eyes over to stare skeptically at her. What on Earth was she thinking? He wondered. She was barely fourteen and thought she found true love? Yeah, sure, he silently told himself. "What the hell are ya talkin' bout? You haven't even stepped inside the damn school, how can ya have found 'the one', huh?"_

_Lorna leaned her head against the window, smiling brightly. She knew her brother wouldn't understand but it didn't matter. Soon enough, the boy of her dreams would become her boyfriend and prove Mikey wrong. "He's in my grade, Mikey, I've known him since kindergarten and just know he's the one. He's Italian and so, so handsome. He's my soulmate and I know by the end of the year, we'll be together."_

* * *

_The building was much larger than what Lorna imagined. Students flooded the hallway, standing and gossiping amongst themselves while leaning on lockers. She kept her eyes on the ground, a lot less enthusiastic than when she first walked in. Her locker seemed to sit in its own corner, worn out and faded. A sigh dispelled. Of course, she'd get stuck with the worst. Just her luck._

_Too busy organizing her things, the sensation of a gentle pat to her shoulder caused her body to jolt instinctively. She quickly turned around to come face to face with her best friend, whom she hadn't seen in merely a month. "Wow, ya look even taller, Al," Lorna smiled, throwing her arms ecstatically around the other's neck for a long-awaited embrace._

" _Gee; thanks, kid," the older girl muttered with a slight chuckle. She gave a tight hug back, though, happy to be reunited with one of the only friends she had. Finally, her days of sitting alone at lunch would be no more. The two released their holds and Alex took a minute to take in her friend's appearance. "Who are ya trying to impress, huh? Ya on the hunt for a guy already?"_

" _It's not just any guy…it's_ the _guy," the brunette corrected._

 _Quirking an eyebrow with peaking interest, Alex gave an attentive stare. "What do ya mean_ the _guy? Do you have a boyfriend ya forgot to mention about to your best friend?"_

_A smile slowly creeped onto her face. Lorna hugged her notebooks to her chest just thinking about him. "Not yet but I told myself that I'm gonna push myself to talk to this guy—one I've been in love with since kindergarten. He's everything I've always wanted, Al. And he has the most gorgeous eyes," her voice murmured softly._

" _How can ya be in love with someone ya never even talked to? Lorna, ya better take a couple steps back before ya end up with a crushed spirit."_

_Her bottom lip slightly curving into a frown, Lorna folded her arms over her chest and sent a heavy stare to the other. "The priest always talks about how everyone has a soulmate and ya just know when ya find him. Well, that's exactly what's happened with me. I know I'll fall in love with him real quick once we start talking."_

_Those words inwardly made the older teen roll her eyes. Religion was something she steered away from but with her best friend—a devoted catholic in her Italian family—it was something that sometimes peaked its way into conversation. "Just be careful, yeah? I don't want ya to get your heart broken if he doesn't feel the same way," she softly voiced her concern._

" _Oh, believe me, he's gonna feel the same way. We're soulmates. I feel it."_

* * *

_The minute she walked into her first period class, she caught sight of the very culprit of her dreams. Sat in a desk right in the back of the room, Vincent's burly figure made her eyes melt. She plastered a smile on her face while cheerfully making her way down the row of desks to claim the one right beside his as her own. Once she's situated, she let her eyes wander over to him—taking in everything they see._

_Sensing that he's being stared at, he looked up from his desk to stare back at her. His brown eyes radiantly glowing. "Ya need something?"_

_Lorna peered intently into his eyes. They were mesmerizing to her—dark brown orbs of beauty, she deemed them. Her smile only grew when he spoke to her. That voice—so warm and strong—it melted her heart to listen to it. "I'm Lorna," was all that would come out of her mouth. She'd never had the nerve to talk to a boy before; therefore, had not a clue how to start up a conversation with one._

" _Uh, yeah, I know—we've been in classes before. What's your point?" The edge in his voice went unnoticed (or ignored) by the other, who only continued to offer an innocent smile._

" _I just, uh, thought it might be nice to get to know ya," she shyly responded, organizing her notebooks in a neat pile on her desktop. Her brown orbs gazed down at her hands, suddenly the confidence was waring off and she berated herself for trying to get the attention of whom she thought to be her true love._

_Vincent shook his head, rubbing his temples in annoyance. "And why would ya wanna do that? Ya think some fat girl like you has a chance to be with someone as attractive as myself? Dream on. I wouldn't be interested in you if you were the last girl on Earth."_

_Staring down at her figure self-consciously, Lorna searched for the fat that he saw. Sure, she wasn't a skinny-mini, but she didn't think she was particularly fat either. No one ever told her to diet or exercise more—wouldn't they have said something if she was getting bigger? Wouldn't_ she _know if she was? A lonesome tear made its way along her cheek. She couldn't get fat. There's no way she could allow that to happen. She inhaled a deep breath and vowed to reverse this. She'd show Vincent. And when she did, he'd drool over her._

* * *

_When lunch arrived, Lorna deliberately forgot her packed-lunch in her locker. If she was going to stop herself from gaining anymore, she might as well as start right then. Slowly, she trailed her way down the hall to the cafeteria—one much larger than what she could imagine. Her eyes scanned the room until they came across a familiar figure. She smiled, walking over to join her best friend._

" _How's high school treating ya so far?" Alex threw out her question once the shorter girl was sat next to her. She slowly sipped on her carton of milk while waiting for an answer._

_Lorna plastered a smile on her face. She had to pretend, she internalized. Something she learnt from a young age—it was better to make others believe everything's fine even when it wasn't. Don't drag people into her problems. "It's better than I thought. I talked to my crush and I think he might like me back," she beamed, her eyes dreamily gazing ahead at nothing in particular._

_The dark-haired girl playfully rolled her eyes but placed a kind smile on her face. She knew how much her best friend's been wanting a boyfriend and if things worked out for her, she'd be there to congratulate her. Out of the blue, though, while slowly munching away on her food, she realized Lorna had nothing in front of her. Concern crept up at that._

_"Where's your lunch, Lorn? Don't ya remember what ya said to me about skipping meals? It's not good for ya."_

_The other slightly frowned. Of course, her friend would use her own words against her, she thought with a sigh. "I'm watching what I eat…needa lose some weight so I figured forgetting one meal wouldn't hurt."_

_Alex stared worriedly at her, arching her eyebrows uneasily. "Why do ya need to lose weight? You're already thin, kid. Did someone tell ya otherwise?" Her hand gently reached over to cup around the brunette's cheek. She peered intensely into her orbs, searching for some sort of clue._

_"I just wanna make sure I look good is all. I mean if things work out with me and Vincent—I want him to be happy with my appearance, ya know?"_

_The older girl felt a slow fire light inside of her. She didn't like where this conversation seemed to be headed. Her hand tightened around Lorna's; she shook her head in frustration while trying not to run to conclusions just yet. "Lorna, you're perfectly fine the way ya are. If he can't be happy with that then he's obviously not worthy of you. Don't hurt yourself just to please some idiotic guy ya barely even know."_

_Lorna only continued to smile at her friend. "I'm doing this because I wanna look better. For me. I swear, Al, I'm not gonna do anything crazy…just lose a few pounds is all. It'll be fine."_

* * *

Standing at the register, as a new employee of Red's bakery, Lorna's eyes gaze dazedly out the large windows of the building. A familiar figure catches her eye—she nearly flinches when she realizes who he is. Her skin pales at the vision. What on Earth is he doing walking the streets? She thought he was going to spend at least a year or two in prison. Her heart begins to race alarmingly fast inside of her chest. She inwardly prays that he doesn't walk inside and see her.

"Lorna? Hey, are ya there?" A comforting Hispanic accent questions, luring her attention back to the job at hand.

The brunette plasters a warm smile on her face as she meets eyes with Gloria. She nods her head, trying to distract herself from what might happen if the man—she once deemed her soul-mate—notices her. "Sorry, Mrs. Mendoza, what can I get for ya? The usual?"

Gloria smiles in return, letting out a warm laugh. She shakes her head, "It's  _Miss_ , haven't been married in years, and please you know to call me Gloria. It makes me feel young, anyway." The faint fear that the other seems to be hiding doesn't go unnoticed. She observes her with close eyes but refrains from saying anything, not wanting to provoke her. "I'll just have a coffee and maybe one a Red's delightful Sushkis. Can't get enough of those."

At hearing her name, the Russian baker comes up behind Lorna to see what the fuss is about. "What's this trouble maker customer of mine doing here? Makin' a hassle for Lorna again, are we?"

Shaking her head with a chuckle, Gloria moves her eyes towards the older woman. She can't help but smile when she sees her. Their friendship had a bit of a rocky beginning, she remembers, but she couldn't imagine her life without the mad Russian. "How could I give trouble to this incredible hard-worker of yours, huh? This girl deserves a raise, Red. Every day I come in she has this eager to please smile on her face," she replies, albeit the playful nature of the conversation, her words are honest.

"One of my only good employees she is indeed. A raise may possibly be in your future," Red smiles, glancing down at the brunette who stands uneasily at the counter.

Lorna shakes her head rapidly while keying in the order. "Oh, no, no, it's fine. I don't need a raise, ma'am. I'm just happy to have a job and contribute to the rent of the apartment."

The two older women share a puzzling glance before Red's attention averts back to her favored employee. She places a soothing hand on her shoulder, firmly turning her so that they're staring right at one another. "Ma'am? What's with that? And whether you want it or not, you're getting a raise. You've earned it with all your hard work. Out of all the employees I have, you're the only one who does what's supposed to be done and you deserve to be acknowledged for such," she sternly confirms.

The brunette only musters up a smile in return before going to gather Gloria's order.

"How's she doing?" The Hispanic woman softly whispers her question, her tone much more serious now. Concern is something she very much still holds for Lorna. What's happened with her continues to haunt her—bringing back memories of her own abusive past. And that only hyphens her worry for the young woman. She knows how years of abuse can screw with one's head and fears that's what might be going on with her.

"She seems to be slowly improving. My Nicky's been such a strong help for her and that makes me a really proud ma. I just worry sometimes that Lorna's not always present, mentally. And I know that's not her fault but that doesn't make it healthy," Red answers quietly, her eyes watching gently as the brunette pours coffee into a ceramic mug.

A stab in her heart is felt at hearing that. Gloria shakes her head with a sad sigh. She knows all too well from experience what that's like and loathes that a young girl like Lorna has to go through the same thing. "I'm glad she has someone like your daughter. Nicky's real good for her," she honestly says.

Before anything else can be brought up, Lorna carefully comes back over with a very full mug of coffee and freshly baked pastry that she hands over to the Spanish woman across from her. "Enjoy; I watched Red just take em' outta the oven right before ya came so I know it's probably going to be heavenly," she smiles, giving her the receipt.

Gloria takes it and reads it over carefully. She gazes back up at the brunette, tilting her head with confusion. "It says I owe zero dollars—why's that, Lorna?"

Her smile only widens. "Because it's already paid for. Now go on and enjoy your treat."

"Already been paid for? I didn't give ya any money yet. Lorna, what are ya trying to say here?"

Lorna nods knowingly. "I covered it for ya, figured ya deserve a free pastry and coffee with all the hard work ya do as a nurse. It's just a little appreciation for the help ya gave me in the hospital. Nothin' to worry about."

To hear that causes the older woman's heart to swell. She shakes her head in disbelief. This young brunette is just too much, she thinks. After how much hardship she's endured, the woman still has it in her to be such a generous being. "Aw, sweetie, you didn't have to do that—you're just too sweet and precious. Come here, let me hug ya. You've earned it," her voice gratefully says while she opens her arms.

The brunette obediently does what's asked of her. Her shoulders slightly shrug. "It's the least I coulda done."

Gloria envelopes her arms gently around the shorter woman, pulling her in for a comforting embrace. She ruffles a hand maternally through her hair. "You're a sweetheart. Thank you, Lorna. Now ya deserve that raise even more," she softly says, glancing over head towards the bakery's owner who seems just as in shock with the brunette's actions as herself.

"You sure are getting a definite raise and don't even try to argue with me on that. A selfless hard-worker like yourself is hard to come by these days, honey. I'm not risking any chance that you leave," the Russian chimes her agreement.

Not able to form any words, Lorna just smiles and nods. "Thank you, Red. I'll work twice as hard to make sure ya don't regret anything."

Shaking her head, Red gives her a firm stare. This employee is the most stubborn she's ever met. Her work ethic is admirable, yet, there's something about it that feels unhealthy. Something she can't put a word to at the moment. "I know I won't regret it. You continuously prove to me how much you deserve my acknowledgment. You oughta thank yourself—you're the one earning it."

Lorna only shrugs, once she's been released from the embrace, and goes to grab the broom. Starting at the front, she slowly sweeps the miniscule crumbs into the broom-pan. The chiming of the bells above the door goes overlooked with how enthralled she is in her task. She doesn't become aware of the new customer until she feels a hand grab onto her shoulder. Instantly the broom falls to the floor as her body jolts in terror.

Quickly gathering herself, she pushes her way out of the grasp and turns to see who's touched her. Rapidly the color drains from her face when her eyes land on Vinny. She backs further away, gazing up at him with frightful orbs. "Why-why are ya not in jail?"

"Really? That's all ya gotta say, huh? Your boyfriend's finally back and all ya care about is why I'm not in jail? Nice to know my girlfriend still doesn't know how to be one," he growls, venom seeping through his rough voice. His hands dig tighter into her shoulders as he stares intently into her eyes. A smirk forms.

The brunette feels her knees start to buckle. She tries to worm her way out of his touch but realizes how weak she is compared to him and lets out a tired sigh. "I-I don't wanna be your—"

His hand smacks rough against her cheek before she's able to finish the sentence. "Shut up. You're mine and ain't nobody can't change that. I've already claimed you a long time ago, Lorna; no one will want you anymore. Now, let's get the fuck outta here. You're supposed to be at home where I can see you. And it looks like you've gained weight…that's not good, we'll have to change that."

Tears form in the brunette's eyes. She shakes her head angrily. This can't happen. No way can she go back to living with Vinny. She can't take the abuse and pain anymore. It's too much. She wants to finally heal and move on with her life—not go back to being her boyfriend's punching bag. "I-I don't want to, Vinny. I can't take it anymore," her voice cries out; she stares up at him with pained and exhausted eyes.

To both their surprises, before Vinny has the chance to do anything more, Gloria frisks her way over and takes Lorna out of his grasp. Her arms hold protectively around the petite brunette while her eyes glare darkly across into Vinny's. Anger seethes beneath her skin. She can't fathom how a person could be so cruel to another. "Why are ya hurting this young woman, huh? Think you're tough, do ya?"

Vinny's eyes darken as they stare piercingly down at the Hispanic woman. He walks closer, ready to yank Lorna back. " _Fuck off_. Stay outta our business, bitch. Let go of  _my_  girlfriend. She wants to go home with me," he growls.

"I won't stay outta your business when I clearly see ya putting your hands on this sweet young woman. And she will  _not_ be going anywhere with you. She doesn't want to be with someone who terrifies her like you do. Get your dumbass outta here!"

Crossly rolling his eyes, Vinny reaches to place his hands harshly around Lorna's neck. "If you don't fucking hand her over, I'll choke her."

Eyes wide in horror, the brunette feels a wrack of sobs escape her. She squirms herself in an effort to escape but to no avail.

Rage and anger are the only emotions Gloria feels. Her light brown eyes fill with venom as they pour fiercely into the young man's. If looks could kill, he'd be dead in less than a second. "You're threatening to choke her and ya want me to hand her to you? Oh, hell no, little boy. You get your evil hands off her neck and run your ass far away from here. Otherwise you'll find your neck between my hands and it ain't gonna be pretty," she yells, her orbs dark with hatred towards him.

The sound of the door chiming, yet again, causes everyone's eyes to momentarily wander over. Nicky's heart drops to see what she's just entered into. Quickly, though, she bucks up and jogs over to help—grabbing onto the man and harshly pulling him away from her roommate. She pushes him to the door, opening it, and glares menacingly into his orbs, "You vile animal—get the fuck out and don't ya dare come anywhere near Lorna again. I swear to God if you ever touch her again, I'll make your life hell."

With him finally gone, Gloria cradles the trembling brunette tightly in her arms and carries her to a table. Very carefully, she sits down with her and spends a few silent moments just rocking back and forth with her. A hand is run delicately through her brown waves of hair. "Shh, you're okay now. He's gone. You're safe. Take a deep breath, Lorna."

Nicky rushes over to help, pulling up a chair to sit right beside them. Her eyes fill with a strong compassion as they gaze down into Lorna's terrorized brown orbs. She soothingly reaches for one of her hands and brings it up to her lips for a delicate kiss. "No more Vinny. He's all gone, kid. Don't be scared; you're safe with us. We love you, baby; we're here to take care of ya. Open your eyes. Come on, it's okay," she tenderly pleads, stroking her thumb softly over the other's knuckles.

"Wha-what did I do?"

Shaking her head madly, the Hispanic woman pulls her so that she's laid against her chest. She places a motherly kiss on the top of her head and stares sternly down at her, "You did nothing, sweetheart, absolutely nothing to deserve any of what that asshole's done to you. Don't ya even think that for a second. It's all about power, Lorna, it's not something you've done. It's not you. It's all him—he's the one at fault. He's the one who should be suffering. God, I just…after how sweet you were today—this is the fucking thanks ya get? I wanna kill that man myself."

The brunette tearfully gazes down at the floor, shameful of herself. Mad that she let other people get dragged down in her pitiful problems. Her eyes quickly stare up at Nicky, apologetic that she had to walk into this.

Nicky immediately stares back with a softness overpowering her stance. She brushes her lips over each of Lorna's knuckles, hoping to soothe her in any possible way. "Lorna…don't look at me like that—please don't feel like ya have to apologize for any a this shit. You don't. Gloria's 100% right, you are not at fault for a damn thing. It's all on that shithead Vinny. I can't stand that dick," she growls.

A sigh escapes her. She looks down at her ma's friend with appreciation. "I'm gonna take her home, but I'm so thankful you were here to help her. Saved her life no doubt, Gloria. Her best friend will be grateful for that as am I."

* * *

The minute they enter their apartment, Nicky takes Lorna's hand and gently brings her into her own bedroom. She cautiously lays her in the bed, sitting right beside her. Her eyes gaze tenderly down into the smaller woman's. It pains her to know how much she's going through and that the therapy will only continue to make her relive it. Yet, without it, she knows Lorna would never truly heal.

Staring down at Lorna, she notices the pain and desperation that emanate from them. A lump sits in her throat; she carefully situates herself so that she's lying right beside her. "Ya wanna talk about anything? Or would ya rather have a nap? Which one would make ya feel better, sweet girl?" She moves onto her side, gazing softly across into the other's eyes.

"Sleep," is the brunette's whispered response. Her orbs pierce numbly into Nicky's. She feels her body slowly and instinctively edging closer to the other, almost begging for the closeness.

Nicky senses her need and holds out her arms for her. "Come here, doll, I'll keep ya safe. It's okay. No more pain for you," her voice warmly assures as she slowly wraps her arms snuggly around the shorter woman's tiny frame. Her chin rests on the tip of Lorna's head, that's nestled desperately in her chest.

The brunette only moves closer to her warmth, not wanting to ever go through another round of abuse for as long as she lives. Her eyes slowly shut; she snakes her arms desperately tight around Nicky's neck. "Please, please don't let go…I-I don't want him to get me."

Her heart aching with love for the young woman, the redhead only tightens her hold and lets a kiss drop on Lorna's head. "I'm not; I'll hold ya all night, Lorna. I promise. I'm gonna keep ya safe," she whispers tenderly, caressing her knuckles up and down the younger woman's teary cheek. She uses her free hand to grab onto the sheet and brings it up to wrap around them. "It's okay; you're okay. Close your eyes and sleep. I won't let him anywhere near you. You're with me now, kid. Where there's nothing but love and cuddles for you. I'm here for you. I love you, sweetie, and I'm gonna get ya through this. I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter Seven_

The vibrations of thrashing and sobbing quickly wakens Nicky from her slumber. As soon as her brown eyes look out from their sockets, her heart shatters inside of her at what sight they see. Her arms immediately snake tenderly around Lorna's tremoring body, pulling her to lay right against her own—hoping the soothing touch will somehow lure her out of such a distressful state. The tips of her fingers brush tenderly through her untamed brown waves.

"Lorna, you're okay—you're just having some kinda nightmare," her voice not much louder than a whisper right above the other's ear. Slowly, the thrashing fades and a sense of relief comes over Nicky. She rubs a hand soothingly up and down the brunette's back, trying to keep from frightening her. "It's okay, kid; you're safe. Take a deep breath."

Eyes very timidly opening, Lorna bewilderedly stares up at who holds her. The fact that the person who's caused her such indescribable pain is back in society makes her nauseated and horrified. She knows it won't be long before he convinces her to come crawling back. And that alone sends a shiver down her spine—she hates how naïve she is and wishes she wouldn't give in so easily.

Nicky peers softly down at her, cupping one of her hands around a teary cheek. "You okay, kid? Ya wanna talk about what happened? I think it might help you. I know it's not your favorite thing to discuss the pain but you need to start learning how to," she gently informs, caressing her cheek with a comforting thumb.

"I'm sorry," she mutters once she calms down enough to form coherent sentences.

Shaking her head insistently, Nicky pulls her in for a tight embrace. "Don't apologize for what you can't control, Lorna. You don't choose what you dream about," the words sternly spill out of the older woman's mouth. Her eyes, warm with compassion, gaze softly down at the brunette—the distress they see makes her heart ache. She wishes there was a way to quickly rid the pain but knows how completely unrealistic that is.

"I woke you," Lorna mumbles, looking blankly across the room. The darkness that emanates makes her realize she's been asleep long enough for night to settle in. She turns her head back and allows her eyes to glance up at the other woman. "What, what time is it?"

Stroking a hand soothingly through her hair, the redhead only gives a sad smile. "It's no big deal, kid. I rather be awake with you than for you to suffer silently," she softly assures while placing a tender kiss atop her head. Slowly her eyes avert towards the alarm clock on the night-stand, peaking at the small sliver of light it gives off. "It's ten minutes after eleven."

"Oh."

"Do ya wanna go back to sleep?"

The brunette rapidly shakes her head. "Is it too late to make coffee? I rather not risk another nightmare tonight."

Nicky can't help but smile softly down at her. She strokes a hand comfortingly through her hair before sitting up with her and helping her to stand. "Coffee sounds perfect, actually. I'll have one with ya," she agrees, leading her out of the room and out to the kitchen.

The sound of their footsteps awakens both Poussey and Alex—whom both lay soundly on the living room couch. Their heads pop up and eyes stare over—merely squinting from the brightness the lights give off—to find the people who own such sounds. "Damn, is it morning already?" The dark-skinned woman yawns through her question.

"Not quite," Nicky answers, her eyebrows arched curiously as she gives an attentive stare towards her roommates. "What were ya two lovebirds up to, huh? Fall asleep from a sex marathon or somethin', yeah?"

Playfully rolling her eyes, Alex pushes herself into a sitting position and turns to stare at the redhead. "That's not our entire relationship, Nicky. And, no, that's not what we did—we fell asleep watching some boring ass movie Poussey picked up on her way home from work," she takes her girlfriend's hand, a smirk on her face.

"That's not my fault—the cover was misleading! I'll have to sue whoever made that shit movie," the other woman lets out a sigh.

Taking her face into her hands, the taller woman strokes her lips affectionately over her lips while letting the tips of her fingers brush delicately along her cheeks. "Oh, come on, P, ya know I'm just messing with ya.  _It was_  pretty bland though," her voice hot and breathy against her girlfriend's lips.

"All right, you two kids either tone it down or get a room—Lorna and I are just about to have some coffee. Don't need any entertainment to accompany," Nicky waves a hand at the two women, who seem too engrossed with themselves. With a chuckle, she shakes her head and pulls the brunette along into the kitchen.

The brunette stands anxiously against the counter, not exactly sure what she should do. It's not like she knows where anything is. She's used to doing everything herself. But here, in an apartment she still isn't accustomed to, she feels less confident—less independent. Her brown eyes observe closely where Nicky takes a bag of coffee from, placing it on the counter beside the pot and taking out several table-spoons of the ground-up beans.

After clicking the nob up so the coffee can begin to brew, Nicky turns to Lorna with a concerning gaze. "Why ya so quiet? You okay, kid?" She wonders, rummaging through a cabinet above where she stands for a package of coffee sweetener.

"Just thinking is all."

"About what? Ya look a bit withdrawn…what's on your mind?" Nicky cautiously walks over to the shorter woman, staring intently down into her eyes—trying desperately to find what's bothering her. She notices the faint bags that sit underneath her eyes and slightly yellow tint that sits within the corner of her pupils. "Go sit down, kid. I'll get your coffee for ya. Like cream and sugar, yeah?"

Lorna timidly nods, submissively doing what's asked of her.

With the coffee dripping the last drop into the pot, Nicky gathers two mugs from the cupboard and carries them over. She pours the dark liquid into both cups, mixing in the cream and sugar, and then very carefully brings them over to the table where Lorna sits. Placing one in front of the brunette, she lets her eyes linger on her for a few moments.

"What's going on, Lorna? You don't look too good. Are ya feelin' okay?"

Framing her hands possessively around her steaming mug, the brunette nods curtly. She sips furiously on her coffee.

Nicky's worry only continues to grow stronger. She places a soothing hand over Lorna's, trying to coax her to look back at her. "Something's not right. You're acting strange, Lorna. What's the problem? Is it the nightmare ya had? Do ya wanna talk about it?"

"Coffee's good, thanks."

Sighing, the older woman holds her gaze. "You're not gonna get any better by ignoring the problem. Why won't ya even try to address it?"

Lorna tilts her head down, gazing blankly into her cup of coffee. The words are honest and right, she knows, but no matter how bad she wants to get past this she can't seem to let herself. "It-it hurts to talk about," she says not much louder than a whisper.

"I know, kid, and I'm sorry it does," Nicky softly starts off, squeezing the hand she holds comfortingly. "But I promise the sooner you start sharing what's happened the sooner you'll start to feel better."

* * *

_Two months into her freshman year, Lorna found herself on the verge of having her first boyfriend. She took his words to heart and immediately began cutting down her intake of food. Breakfast was easily skipped in the morning and if anyone asked, she'd just say she slept too long. Lunch was a bit more difficult as her best friend slowly became much more concerned. She couldn't fool her. To counteract such issue, she made the decision to start working out a few days a week._

_Her drastic measures slowly began to show, she realized. The majority of her outfits hung off her body. And, most importantly, Vincent gradually started to take notice of her. Every time she walked down the aisle to her desk, she felt his brown eyes lingering on her—which only made her continue her new regimen. It wouldn't be long before he asked her out, she just knew it._

* * *

_Just past five on a Monday morning, Lorna rapidly awoke at the brutal ring of the alarm clock that sat on her bedside table. Quickly, she sprung up from her bed and rummaged through her drawers for a pair of exercise apparel. It took a few minutes until she finally stumbled across what she deemed as "work-out approved". Once dressed, she placed an exercise tape into her VCR and began her new routine._

_The sound of her door opening went unnoticed as she followed along with the instructor on her bulky television screen. She didn't notice another presence until a voice spoke up and caused a small jump out of her._

_"What the hell are ya doin' at this ungodly hour?"_

_Lorna turned her head instantly to catch sight of her older brother. A sheepish smile spread across her cheeks. "I'm getting my exercise; what's it look like?"_

_Rolling his eyes, Mikey made his way further into the younger person's room. Plopping himself down on the edge of her bed, he watched intently as she continued with the movements being demonstrated. He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why do ya have do it so damn early? And why are ya even doing this? You're already the thinnest person in the house—what more do ya want?"_

_"I ain't got time after school," she breathlessly answered, nearly winded from the ever-increasing intensity of her work-out. "Vincent likes fit girls and I like him. Soon he'll ask me out, I sense it."_

_Another eye roll Mikey let out. The dream-like smile on his sister's face brought a worrying sensation over him. "You're doing all this shit to impress some dumbass freshman? Lorna, stop this nonsense. Why the hell ya wanna date some guy who doesn't like ya the way ya are, huh? I'm warning ya right now—I'll kill the guy if he does anything to hurt ya. That's a promise."_

* * *

_The minute they pulled and parked outside the school building, Lorna hurriedly scurried off into it. Her brown curls—that usually spilled down along her shoulders—bounced in its side-ponytail, a new trend she wouldn't dare to shy away from. She frisked down the hall to her locker to gather what she'd need for her morning classes when she felt a light tap on her shoulder._

_Instantly, her head tilted to see who the culprit was and all but smiled when her eyes landed on Vincent. "Oh, uh, hello. Somethin' I can help ya with?" She innocently inquired, her eyes fluttering up at him with a longing lust faintly showing through._

_"What do ya say to going out with me on Friday?"_

_Lorna tried her best to hold in the utter excitement such question ignited within her. The smile on her face grew as she enthusiastically nodded her head. "Are ya being serious?" As much as she longed to go on a date with the man of dreams, she also had to be clear that he wasn't just trying to play some cruel joke on her._

_The brunette teenager gave a slow nod, letting his brown orbs look hungrily over her body. He liked that she chose to take his criticism and change herself for the better. She was certainly his type of girl. A smile crept on his face as he let one of his hands touch feathery along her back, "Someone as hot as you deserves a nice night out with me. Do ya want to or not?"_

_"Yes, yes I would love tah!" Lorna squealed ecstatically, her eyes big with astonishment._

_Giving a small wink, Vincent brushed his fingers lightly down her arm and nodded his head in a lustful manner. "Good. I'll meet ya down at the coffee shop in the city—how about round' seven?"_

_The sheer thrill those words gave Lorna couldn't break her from grinning. Her hair bounced as she bobbed up her head enthusiastically, gazing up at him with dreamy orbs. "Sounds real nice—can't wait," she murmured softly, continuing to hold the stare. His eyes made her insides melt. She knew he would fall for her once she slimmed down some._

_"Make sure to keep your figure…wouldn't wanna lose that attractive body, right?" Her nod made a smirk form. He quickly released his hand from the brunette's arm and turned the other way._

* * *

_Friday sluggishly arrived and Lorna couldn't be happier. She sat in her room, at the vanity as she perfected her make-up, while her best friend watched silently from the bed. Her eyes lingered on her reflection, once she finished, and tried to find any flaws that may have needed fixing. It made her smile to see that she couldn't find anything wrong; she turned to face the black-haired teen who seemed to be preoccupied with one of her many wedding magazines. Such sight only added to her euphoria._

_"The dresses are so pretty, aren't they?" The fourteen-year-old chirped quizzically._

_Alex rather quickly shut the magazine, tossing it aside, and focused her light eyes on her best friend. She mustered up a smile, nodding her head—even though she knew that wasn't the_ real _reason she was engrossed in it. "Yeah, very," her husky voice agreed while she took in her friend's appearance. "Ya look great, Lorn. How nervous are ya for your first date?"_

_With a smile, the brunette only shrugged a slight bit. This date was something she'd been wanting since last year and, yes, it ate her nerves thinking about it but it also filled her with an ignition of exhilaration. Finally, the boy of her dreams was becoming a reality. Lorna was beyond ready for this. "I just want it to be perfect. Vincent is everything I've always wanted, Al; and I hope he feels the same way. He has to, right? We're soulmates, after all!"_

_"Lorna, ya gotta get to know him before you can tell if he's really the one. Please don't rush into things with him…or mention soulmate stuff to him; he might not be as enthusiastic as you. Guys can be real assholes, kid, and the last thing I want is for my best friend to get hurt," Alex gently worded her concern, taking the smaller teen into her arms for a soothing embrace._

_Her bottom lip folded into a small frown, Lorna stared up at her with dark eyes. "You don't think he likes me, do ya? You think he's too good for someone like me, huh?"_

_Quirking her eyebrows puzzlingly, the black-haired teen instantly shook her head and pulled her friend back into her arms. Her eyes peered heavily down into the other's. "No, no, that's not what I'm sayin' at all! If anything, you're the one who's too good for him, kid. I just—I want ya to be careful and take things slow. Ya needa be sure he's someone ya actually like, okay?" Her lips softly brush atop Lorna's head of brown hair._

_"Don't worry, Al—I'm positive that he's the guy I'm destined to be with. But I'll keep my mouth shut for now if it makes ya feel better."_

* * *

_A year passed since her date with Vincent and now the two were in a serious relationship—or as serious one can be for two sophomores in high school. The first few months were a dream for Lorna; he seemed to shower her with compliments and affection, she almost couldn't believe it to be true. However, the more time that past, the shorter-lived such warmth. His affection towards her gradually turned into a relentless control. She wasn't allowed to hang out with her friend as much, wasn't able to eat the foods she liked—"that shit will make ya fat, Lorna"—and had to revolve her schedule around what he wanted._

_Walking past her bedroom mirror was a dreaded event. The figure it showed revolted her. Every word Vincent told her was true—she had to stop eating so much, it only added to her weight and she loathed the idea of being fat (or what her boyfriend considered fat, which was anything over a merely bone-thin figure). Such realization only aided in her journey to skipping almost every meal and forcing herself to work-out as much as she possibly could. There's no way she would lose his love._

* * *

_It was a late Saturday afternoon when Lorna was interrupted from her exercise session by the sound of the doorbell's ringing. A small sigh escaped as she shut off the tape and slowly made the way down the long case of stairs. Secretly, she prayed it wouldn't be Vincent—she just needed a day to herself for once. Unfortunately, when she opened the door, her prayer went without answer. Her eyes immediately were met with his. Rapidly, a lump began to form in her stomach._

_"Hey, Vinny," she greeted, trying to sound cheerful and optimistic. A smile plastered on her face, one that didn't make it to her eyes but—fortunately—he hadn't seemed to notice (or care). "I didn't know ya were coming over today…thought ya had some family thing?"_

_The Italian teen gruffly allowed himself in, shutting the door harshly behind him. His eyes gazed into her eyes with a slight annoyance. "You've ignored my calls all morning—why? What the hell's more important than me, huh?" The questions spilled bitterly out his mouth as he pinned her down to her living room couch._

_Terror consumed Lorna's brown orbs. She tried to squirm her way out from underneath him but vastly realized how strong he was compared to her. "I was doing my work-out and homework for school. Please get off me—it's startin' to hurt!"_

_Rolling his eyes, he dug his nails harshly into her shoulders before finally releasing the hold. "Ya better be tellin' the truth and not whoring around with other guys!" He shook his head irritatingly, looking her body over disapprovingly. "Like any other guy would want ya anyway—looks like you're getting thick, better work out harder, Lorna. Your clothes are too tight and it's disgusting."_

_"Please just fucking leave, Vinny. I'm really not in the mood to be insulted today," Lorna tiredly yelled back, pushing him away from her. Her actions were instantly regretted when she noticed the rage bubbling in his orbs._

_No one pushed him, he bitterly thought. He glared darkly into his girlfriend's eyes, yanking her harshly by the neck and pulling her a mere inches away from his face. "Fucking talk like that to me again, bitch, and see what happens. I'm the one in charge, not you. I'm the man in this relationship,_ aren't _I?" The fear that emanated from her made him unimaginably satisfied._

_She felt a batch of tears start to come to her eyes. How could the man she lusted after turn into this? How did it happen? It made no sense to her. He was a dream the first few months, the most romantic guy she could ever meet. And now, all she felt when she saw or heard him was complete and utter horror._

_The sound of footsteps running down the stairs immediately brought hope to Lorna. She weakly averted her eyes in their direction and was instantly washed over in relief to see her older brother come barreling towards them._

_Mikey roughly grabbed the teen off of his sister and decked him right in the face. Fury tore through him to stare at such a person—someone who would cause harm to his little sister, the most generous girl anyone could ever come across. "The fuck do ya think you're doing with your hands around her neck, huh? What the hell's your problem, Vinny? You're the reason my baby sister's been starving herself these last years?"_

_"My problem? I'm just tryna help ya sister lose some weight…what's wrong with wantin' her to be healthy? Look at her, she's fucking fat as hell."_

_Shaking his head in anger, Mikey swung another fist into his face and gestured his hand in direction of the door. "Get your ass outta here—you're a piece of shit! Lorna deserves someone better than you. You're fucking killing her! You look at her and tell me where this "fat" is because all I see are the outlines of my sister's damn bones! You're done with her; you ever come near her again, I'll do more than punch your face. That's a promise," he growled, pushing him out of the house and slamming the door in his face._

* * *

Lorna stands in the bathroom, tears streaming along her cheeks, while she gaze angrily at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. Talking to Nicky about all the raw events in her life isn't something she liked—it brought back the pain and constant self-loathing that she tried so hard to keep hidden away. She doesn't like that someone is trying to bring it all to the surface. It's not something she's ready for, she thinks.

Knocking gently on the door, Nicky waits uneasily with deep concern and worry. They are this close to getting to the point of discussing her past but yet, every time, Lorna seems to go into panic mode and shuts down. It tears at her heart to watch her go through this same cycle each time; she wishes there was an easier way to help her but knows all she can do is coax her to open up.

"Kid, please open the door," she softly pleads when she notices it's locked.

The shorter woman timidly creaks the door open a sliver, just enough to glimpse out at her roommate with puffy eyes. "I can't-can't do this. It hurts too much, Nicky. You, you don't understand!"

Nicky pries the door completely open and sighs at the distress that sits on the younger woman's face. She wants nothing more than to take her into her arms and love away all of the pain she feels. "Help me understand, talk to me about what's making ya hurt so bad. Please, Lorna, I want to help ya through this. Talk to me. I'm your therapist, kid, it's my job to listen to you."

"Oh…so that's why ya wanna know? Because it's just your job—I get it. Ya only wanna help because ya have to, right? I mean if ya weren't getting paid, you wouldn't even give me a second glance. Don't try to fool me _. I know_. I'm just a worthless patient ya probably secretly want dead, mhmm?" The brunette frantically yells out her questions, tears spilling out of her eyes. She rummages through the drawers and cabinets for something sharp.

Startled by her sudden outburst, Nicky stares down at her with wide eyes. It takes a moment to notice what's happening but when she does, she quickly yanks the scissors from Lorna's hands and envelops her in a tight hug. She crouches down on the floor, laying the hysterical brunette against her as she runs a hand softly through her dark hair.

"No, Lorna, stop it—stop this nonsense," Nicky desperately pleads, cupping the brunette's face tenderly in her hands. She leans their foreheads lightly together, gazing compassionately into her brown orbs. " _You are not_  worthless, and  _I would never_  say that about ya. Secretly want ya dead? Lorna, are ya fucking serious? Why the hell would ya even think that? I swear on God's green earth that I care about you—I want to help you because you're important. Fuck my job—I'd help ya no matter if I was a therapist or not. Why don't ya fucking believe me? What's the problem, kid?"

Lorna shakes her head with a distressing rage. She stares heavily into the other's eyes. "The problem? The fucking problem is me! Isn't it obvious?! It's always fucking me—I'm never good enough for no one and I'm so, so fucking tired of it, Nicky. I don't belong here," she screams out in agony, trying to break free from the redhead's firm grasp.

The other's attempts to move away only cause Nicky to pull her closer, tucking Lorna's head in the crook of her neck. She presses a warm kiss atop her head and softly rocks her. "Where don't ya belong, baby? Where's  _here_? You're good enough for Alex—you'll always be her best friend. You're good enough for me. Who put all this bullshit in your head? Was it Vinny? Did he make ya think this?" Compassion seeps through both her voice and eyes.

"Here in this apartment…I've intruded on all your lives and it's not fair. Why should any of ya have to put up with someone like me?"

Stroking a hand through her waves of hair, the redhead shakes her head while peering warmly down at her. "We wanted you to come live with us, Lorna. We want you to have a safe place to live that's full of people who care about ya. Put up with you? You're not even a problem, sweet girl. You're an absolute pleasure to live with. Ya wanna know what's not fair? The way you've been treated for god-only-knows how long.  _That's_  not fair, kid."

Lorna stares down at the tile floor. "Don't lie, Nicky. I know I'm not easy to live with. I'm fucked up and no one can fix that. It's just the truth. The only reason you and Alex's girlfriend aren't bothered with me because is cause ya pity me or somethin'. Or you're faking that ya care. I sense it."

"Yeah? Well, your senses are  _wrong_. My caring is never fake. Why do ya constantly think that? Please, kid, please tell me what happened to you. What happened to make ya so skeptical and fearful of people? It has to be more than what's recently happened, yeah?"

Shaking her head, Lorna refuses to look the other in the eyes. She knows she promised to open up but the minute the memories hit her brain, she can't bring herself to discuss any of them. It's still too soon. The pain's too raw.

Delicately running a thumb along the other's forehead, Nicky's eyes pour softly into hers. "Ya think I'm gonna hurt ya, don't ya? Be honest with me. You can't control your feelings. It's okay to feel whatever way ya feel. But it's not okay to keep them inside. Refusing to let out your emotions is only gonna escalate the issue and you're gonna keep feeling like suicide is the only answer…You need to stop this cycle; it's so unhealthy. You have to start opening up to me. I can't keep letting ya do this to yourself."

"How do I  _know_  you're not?"

"How do ya know I'm not gonna what?" Nicky inquiries, brushing a hand lovingly through her hair.

Lorna tilts her head quizzically. "That-that you're not gonna hurt me?"

Such question brings a flush of empathy over the redhead. A pang sits in her heart to realize that Lorna thinks this is all just some cruel joke—something that couldn't be further from reality. "Because," her voice tender against the brunette's lips, "I have a soft spot for sweet people like you. I also know your dear best friend would break my neck if I were to ever do something so cruel to ya. Which, of course, I would never even dream to do, kid. I swear to you.  _Any_  asshole who would inflict pain on a sweet thing like you deserves to have their neck broken."

The brunette only sighs, not entirely sure if she can believe the other's words. She wants to—they seem sincere but she also knows that Vinny use to say nice things to her only to turn around and drain the life right out of her. The last thing she wants is a repeat. "How, how can I be sure? Vinny—he, he used to tell me how much he loves me and then he'd tell me how fat I am and need to stop eating."

Nicky pulls her closer and tightens her arms. She places a very light—almost feathery—kiss onto Lorna's lips, resting her forehead softly over hers. The tips of her fingers brush delicately up and down her cheeks. " _I'm Nicky_ ,  _not_ Vinny. I don't hurt the people I love and care about," she warmly starts, her breath soft against the brunette's mouth. "You're a beautiful, sweet, and precious girl. I wanna slice Vinny's head off for the hurt he's caused ya. What reason does he have to bully you like that? I swear to God he better not come anywhere near ya. That dick comes within five miles of you I'll ruin him for good. You shouldn't be feeling this way, Lorna. Ya shouldn't feel unworthy of affection or love and that's all  _his_  fault. He did this to you! He controlled you and brainwashed ya into believing you're worthless and unlovable, yeah?" The sensation of Lorna's head violently bobbing up and down against her chest both breaks her heart and fuels a rage. She knows if she ever sees Vinny's face again she might just kill him. With a sigh, she pulls herself together and gazes back into Lorna's tear-filled orbs. Her lips stroke once more over the other's, " _You're not_. You're not worthless or unlovable. Far from both, Lorna. You're a delicate young woman with a beauty so bright it could blind the universe. Anyone who ever tries to make ya feel unworthy, ya bring em' to me, ya hear? I'm not gonna let ya believe that anymore. You're a beautiful human being who deserves every good thing this planet has to offer. I'm deeming myself your protector from now on; ya need someone to take care of you, baby, and I want to be that person. I love you; I sincerely do."


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter Eight_

_I love you._ Those three words continue to haunt Lorna during her work shift the next day. Coming from Nicky—who, she knows, should only think of her as a patient—those words seemed almost honest. Almost made her believe them to be true. Yet, the fact they've only been acquainted for the last month, it makes her skeptical about how the redhead can already claim to  _love_  her…or even exactly what she means by saying such.

The sound of the oven's buzzer going off rapidly brings the brunette out of her thoughts and back to her current surroundings. She frisks her way to the back to gather the finished pastries but sees the owner has already beat her to it. With a winded breath of air, she's about to turn back to leave when a throat is stridently cleared.

"Lorna, do you mind helping me out back here?" The Russian woman questions, fixing her gaze on her employee. Something is going on with the young girl, she can easily sense, and she deems she'll figure it out.

Giving an enthusiastic nod, Lorna turns and walks back towards her boss. She stands anxiously, waiting to be told what her task will be. "What do ya need, ma'am?"

Red's eyes grow stern at such name. After placing the hot tray onto the counter, she turns to face the younger woman. Her hands fold over each of her hips. "How many times must you be told to call me Red? I don't get why you insist on referring to me as ma'am—is there a reason for this?" She looks her over in wonder, trying to somehow decipher the backstory.

"Sorry," the petite Italian timidly responds, tilting her head to the ground in shame and slight fear. "Won't happen again, Red."

Such behavior immediately strikes Red oddly. Her stamina quickly softens. "I'm not angry at you, Lorna, I just want you to feel comfortable here is all. And, obviously, something's bothering you today. What is it?" She cuts to the chase prudently, eyes staring across at the Italian employee with an expectancy shining through.

Lorna quickly lifts her head with an excessively bright smile on her face. There's no way she's going to discuss her personal life with her boss; she needs at least one aspect of her life to be relatively normal. Something she can do without thinking. "I'm fine, just get mesmerized by the sunlight sometimes. I'll try not to let that happen again, though. What is it ya wanted me to help with?"

"Don't lie to me, I can see right through it. Something's on your mind, Lorna. What I want is for you to answer my question truthfully."

The shorter woman sighs. "A lot is on my mind, really. But now's not the time or place for it. I gotta do my job. It's no big deal," she offers a smile, one that doesn't make it to her orbs.

Shaking her head slightly, Red motions for the other to come over to where she stands. She hands her a pair of gloves and bag of red cream, "You can help me and talk to me about what you're thinking about at the same time, young lady. It is certainly a big deal if you're brooding over it. Now out with it!"

"It's kinda stupid, honestly."

Red crosses her arms over her chest, giving her an intense stare. "I'll be the judge of that. Go on and tell me," she firmly commands.

With a defeated sigh, Lorna slouches her shoulders and gazes down at the tile floor. "I'm not sure how to take Nicky's words. I don't know what to think," she mumbles so quietly the older woman needs to strain her ears to hear.

"What has my daughter done? I swear that girl can really talk without letting the words process in her mind. You'd think for a therapist she'd be able to do that, hmm?"

"It's nothing she's done…in fact, she's been quite a help. I just—she said something and I-I don't know how to take it or if I can believe it," she gently answers, her eyes still focused on the ground.

Red's interest intensifies at that. She arches an eyebrow, "What did she tell you? And what would make you not believe it? Nicky's the most honest person I've ever come across; I can assure you her words are true."

The brunette rolls her head slightly around her shoulders. She wishes she had the capacity to believe that but after all that she's dealt with the past several years of her life she knows how unlikely that is. A rather large breath of air expels from her body. She lifts her head to stare over at Red with an ever-growing anxiety. "She said  _"I love you"_  to me and I don't understand…I mean isn't it against the rules for a therapist to like her patient? Maybe it's best I move outta there and look for a new therapist. The last thing I want is to cause any problems," she mutters unsure of the situation.

"There's  _no rules_  about that. Where'd you get that idea?" Red stops the task at hand and fully focuses her attention on the young brunette standing to the left of her. There's a small pang in her chest at seeing the fear in her eyes. "My Nicky only says she loves you to people she truly loves and you seem to be one of them. She wouldn't lie about that, especially to you—someone she knows has gone through a lotta shit. She wouldn't play with you like that, I promise. And you're not moving out of that apartment; you need to be surrounded by people who care for you. It doesn't matter if she's your therapist; that has nothing to do with where you live."

Lorna sighs and whispers, "I wish I could believe ya. I mean you and Nicky both sound sincere when ya say that but-but there's something that won't let me think it's true. I don't know. I'm sorry, Red, I shouldn'ta even said nothing."

The older woman shakes her head in exasperation. This girl is almost more stubborn than her own daughter, she realizes. Her hands cover gently over each of the brunette's shoulders as her eyes peer sternly into brown ones. " _Don't_  apologize. I asked you to tell me and I'm glad you did because it's not good to hide your feelings as I'm sure Nicky's told you. Why don't you believe that she loves you?"

"How can she? We, we just met and-and I don't know. I don't get it."

"Nicky's good at reading people. She sees in you something that makes her heart yearn for. Besides, sometimes time isn't important when you know you've found that someone. What don't you get?" Red's eyes continue to watch over her employee.

Sucking her lip out of habit, the petite Italian slightly shrugs her shoulders. "How she  _or anyone_  can love me…I guess," is her timid answer.

"Now that's not a good thing to think—you think you're not able to be loved? What would make you think such a lie?"

Lorna immediately feels her mind shut off and shakes her head curtly. "Can I just do whatever ya wanted me to come help ya with?" She throws out her question, irritated and drained at being forced out of her comfort zone.

"Lorna what you're doing isn't healthy," Red firmly points out but lets out a sigh when she sees how upset the brunette seems to be getting. She places a gentle hand on her shoulder, stroking it comfortingly. "Go on and arrange these pastries out in the counters. Thanks, honey. And if you start feeling bothered please come let me know."

* * *

It's nearing noon when the bakery's door chimes open to reveal a disheveled redhead therapist. A noticeable exhaustion sits within her brown orbs as she makes her way over to the front counter where her favorite new clerk stands. Slowly, a smirk forms on her face while she allows her eyes to gaze almost lustfully over the petite brunette.

"Hey there, kid, ya look cute in your little work uniform," Nicky's smirk grows; she leans on the counter, watching the petite brunette closely. "Ma workin' ya to the breaking point, huh?"

The brunette feels her cheeks flush a faint pink-tint. She covers up with a bright smile, lifting her head slowly to meet eyes with her roommate. "No, no, of course not. Red's a real good boss. What can I get for ya?" The nervousness in her voice takes her by surprise; inwardly, she rolls her eyes and bites the side of her mouth.

Letting out a small chuckle, Nicky nods and places a gentle hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "I know, kid, I'm just joking. Ma'd have my head in for that kinda talk," she notes, the smirk melting into a soft smile. "I could go for a cup a coffee—got any of the dark roast brewed? Ma's a weak coffee drinker so I'm sure she didn't put any out."

"What's that Nicky? What're you saying about me, hmm?" Red's Russian accent rings through the mostly empty bakery as she enters through the door that leads to the back kitchen. She walks over, with a pan of freshly-baked pastries, to the counter beside Lorna and carefully begins loading the empty trays underneath the lighted counters with the treats that sit on the pan in her hands while her blue eyes peer over towards her daughter.

Nicky playfully rolls her eyes, turning to face her self-proclaimed mother. "Just tellin' Lorna how lovely ya are, is all," she bats her eyes innocently up at the Russian baker.

"Why don't I believe that?" Red lightly laughs, looking over at her employee with a slight firmness in her orbs. "Is that what she's really told you? Or is she running her mouth about nonsense?"

"She insists that you're a weak coffee drinker," the brunette decides to play along in the light-hearted banter.

Surprised at Lorna's answer, Nicky's eyes widen. "Damn ya, kid, blowing my cover like that. I thought we were friends?" She warmly snickers, making sure the other knows her words only a joke. She doesn't want to accidently push the brunette any further away than she already seems to be with her.

"I can't stand bitter coffee; I like my tea better. What can I say? Nicky, you keep this up and I'll put you to work," the oldest woman gives a smirk towards her daughter before turning to retreat back to the kitchen. Yet, before completely letting her presence slip away, she lets one last peak over at the two, "If she gives you trouble, Lorna, you just have her sweep the floors—understood?"

The two nod intuitively, watching as the red-haired matron exits out of the room and shuts the door behind her. Lorna focuses her gaze back in front of her on Nicky. Her eyes slowly become mesmerized in the taller woman's figure—she inwardly shutters at the sensation of wanting nothing more than to get lost in this woman's stare. She silently wonders if their living under the same roof is a good idea albeit their patient/therapist relationship.

"Ya wanna make me a coffee, kid? I'll take whatever even if it's the weak shit ma brews."

Lorna's almost relieved that the silence has been broken and she can busy herself with pouring hot liquid into a plastic traveler's cup. She nods rapidly, plastering a cheerful smile on her face. "Course. Ya like it black or with sugar and cream?"

The taller woman gives a warm smile in return; butterflies seem to float about in her stomach as her big orbs take in the beauty of the short Italian on the other side of the counter. She knows it's not the best decision to fall for a patient, but she also understands that she can't help who she falls for. Her heart wants what it wants and there's nothing she can do to change that.

"I like bold and natural, kid. None a that milk and sugar shit. I owe ya a dollar, yeah?" Nicky questions, placing her satchel on the countertop while digging through it for her wallet.

The brunette shakes her head, waving her head at the other. She walks over to the coffee pot and grabs a cup from the stack that sits right beside it; quickly, she pours the liquid into the cup before carrying it back to Nicky. "Don't worry about it. I'll cover it—it's just a dollar," she smiles warmly, handing the steaming beverage to the redhead.

"Damn you, Lorna, you're too sweet. Come sit with me for a few minutes—the bakery's pretty dead right now, anyway. You've earned yourself a little break cause' I'm sure you've been working your ass off."

Lorna tilts her head apprehensively not too sure if that's the best idea. "I don't wanna do anything Red disapproves of."

Gazing softly down into her brown eyes, Nicky reaches over to touch a feather finger along the other's cheek. A smile sits tenderly on her face. "Ma won't be bothered by it; believe me, kid, you're the hardest work she's had in a long time. She wouldn't want ya to burn yourself out, so come sit with me—make yourself a cup of coffee,  _it's fine_. I can always run to the market and get more if we use it up, not a problem."

Still with a slight uneasiness, the Italian does what's asked and timidly carries a mug of coffee over to the table that Nicky's chosen. She slides herself in the chair opposite her friend, cupping her hands instinctively around her beverage. "How long have you and Red known each other? Is there a story of how the two a ya became so close?"

"Aren't you just a curious Carry?" The two share a laugh at Nicky's off-the-tongue nickname. Her facial expression slowly turns serious, though, at the question. She nods her head, sipping savory on her bold coffee. "Isn't there a story for everything in this world, yeah kid? I met ma a good five years ago, now—back when I was a heroin junkie who didn't give a shit for anyone but herself."

* * *

_The cold, wintry, weather brought a smile to Red's face as she walked down the sidewalk to her Russian bakery shop. It was still early, only a quarter after five in the morning, and snow steadily came down from the dark sky. She adored this time of year; not only did it mean her sons would be coming in but it meant more business for the bakery and she knew how needed that was._

_Coming closer to the building, she could hear a faint rustling sound coming from behind and felt an uneasiness swarm over her. She held in her breath, reaching forward to place the key in the door's lock. The sound only loudened; she prayed that it was just the sound of an animal going through the dumpsters but when broken glass shattered against pavement, she couldn't contain her terror any longer._

_Cautiously, Red tipped-toed her way to the back of the building and nearly gasped at the sight. Her features hardened when her light blue eyes met with a young woman's, who clearly seemed to be high on some sort of drug. "What the hell are you doing behind my bakery? Waiting for the perfect time to break in and rob me, are you?"_

_The other woman jumped at the sound of her voice. Quickly, she brushed herself off and forced herself into a standing position—the extreme nausea and throbbing headache only worsening at such movement. "Fuck off—I ain't here to rob your stupid little bakery…that's the last fucking thing on my mind. Could ya just leave me the fuck alone and pretend I don't exist?!" Her voice unnaturally rough and dark from the overuse of smoking and taking her desired drugs._

_"Watch your language, little girl. I'm not just some poor old lady who bakes treats for her grandkids. You talk to me like that and see what happens. Why are you hiding out behind my bakery if you're not here to rob me, huh? Trying to keep the police from seeing you? Well, if you'd clean yourself up and stop using some shitty ass drugs maybe you wouldn't have to hide yourself."_

_Those words boiled in rage in the disheveled woman's body. She shook her head furiously, glaring darkly up into the other's blue orbs. "Don't talk to me like ya know my damn situation—you know nothin' bout me so keep your mouth shut."_

_Red crossed her arms angrily over her chest, glaring right back with her own darkness. "You better watch how you talk to me, child. I'm not gonna put up with your shitty attitude. And if you don't give me a true reason for hiding out in my property, I'll easily call the cops."_

_"Ya ain't gonna believe me, anyway," the wild-haired redhead curtly responded._

_Tapping her boot impatiently against the snow ground, Red peered darkly over at the other. "Try me."_

_Inhaling in a large breath of air, the younger woman's face slowly went from holding a strong anger to almost hiding some sort of terrifying sensation—one that Red couldn't quite read entirely. "There's this crazy lady who's looking to kill me—I didn't have enough money to pay her for my last stash of heroin and now she wants me dead."_

_Massaging her temples vigorously, the Russian bakery owner couldn't hardly believe what she heard. A sigh escaped. Out of all the time in a day, she wondered why this had to happen then—or better yet why she had to be the person to deal with it. "Come with me; we're going inside and calling the police. I will not have some drug addict murderer coming anywhere near my shop!" She placed her hand on the shorter woman's arm, yanking her up, and hurriedly led her into the bakery._

_Once they're safely seated inside Red's shop; her eyes heavily gaze into the person's sitting across from her. "Why would you hide out in the back of a building this time at night, hmm? Especially when you claim someone's out to kill you? Are you stupid?"_

_"If I was smart, ya think I'da gotten myself into this mess?" A deadpanned chuckle escaped through the younger woman's vocal chords. She folded her arms over her chest and stared straight ahead with apprehension. "Why are ya tryna help me anyway? Shouldn't ya be happy to let me get killed? One less drug addict in the world."_

_"There's a difference between wanting you out of my property and wanting you dead. I wouldn't wish death on anyone nor would it make me happy—everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe this is your wake-up call to get out of that shit, don't you think?"_

_The redhead pulled a cigarette out of her pocket, shaking her head, and reached in her other one for a lighter. "This shit's all I know—I_ need _it," she mumbled bitterly, her eyes lustful of the lung-killer sitting motionless in between her fingers._

_Hearing that almost made Red's features soften. But the sight of her about to light one of those dreaded things kept her core hard—she harshly reached over and yanked it right out of her grasp. "I don't allow smoking in my bakery! The stuffs killing you, anyway, can't you see what the fuck you're doing to your body? You don't need this shit; why do you think it's illegal? Cause it's garbage!"_

_"Cigarettes are openly sold at gas stations—the fuck ya talking bout?"_

_Red shook her head in frustration. "I'm talking about the other shit you're using—what is it, heroin? You think that's not rotting your body?"_

_Rolling her eyes, the other woman folded her arms on the table and let her head rest over them. She gave a slight shrug, "Heroin doesn't neglect me like fucking humans do. So, fuck off with your damn no drugs spiel. It ain't gonna do shit."_

_To hear that brought a mixture of emotions to the Russian woman's head. On one hand, her heart went out to the young girl—she couldn't understand what it's like to feel neglected—but on the other, it made her irate to hear that she wasn't even willing to try to give up drugs. "What's your name?"_

_"What's it to ya?"_

_"I'd like to know who I've let into my bakery and so I have something to address you by. Why are you so difficult about everything?"_

_"Nicole…but just call me Nicky," was her muttered answer. She let out an irritated groan, wishing she were anywhere but there. The last thing she needed was to be scolded about her addiction; she got enough of that from her mother, who she could barely stand._

_Red sighed, her anger slowly dissipating into compassion and a longing to help this young woman. "You live around here, Nicky?"_

_The redhead slightly nodded her head but continued to hold the sour expression on her face. She didn't take to trusting people lightly, not after all the times her mother openly let her down. "You could say that," she grumbled._

_"What's that supposed to mean? You either do or you don't."_

_Nicky traced her nails along the outline of the table, her eyes filled with a darkness that she tried to keep from showing. "I live wherever I can find."_

_Yet again, Red found her heartstrings being tugged on. She let her features finally soften, very cautiously reaching her hand across the table to place tenderly over the redhead's arm. Her blue eyes poured compassionately down into brown ones. "You're living on those dangerous streets? Why is that?" The questions spilled out of her easily; she couldn't help the motherly instinct she had._

_"Why? Because my mother's too good to have a heroin-addicted daughter. God forbid! I ain't nothing but a disappointment in her fucking eyes," the anger slowly started to come to the surface. Her mother never wanted her; that was clear from a young age when the only nurturing she got was from the million different nannies that were hired to raise her._

_Red's heart only continued feel heavier. She couldn't find it in her to keep the rage towards this young woman—not when the real reason she seemed to be such a mess was from not having the love she needed as a child. She shook her head sadly, stroking her fingertips softly along Nicky's pale arms. "What kind of mother just allows her child to become homeless? You've chosen a bad path, yes, but that doesn't make you a disappointment. All you need is a little love and compassion, someone to help you. But I guess your mom won't be the one to do that for you, no?"_

_"Marka doesn't even know the meaning of the word mom. No way in hell she could even try to be one—hired nanny after nanny to look after me when I was young…then wonders why I chose drugs over her! Fuck."_

_The Russian matron couldn't fight the urges any longer; she quickly got out of her chair and walked over to the where Nicky sat—pulling her up into her arms for a comforting embrace. Her mothering instincts only hyphened, she couldn't understand how any mother could refuse to love and nurture her own child. That's all she ever wanted in her life—to nurture tiny humans into full-fledged adults. "I never left my children alone when they were little—couldn't trust anyone to raise them the way I did. Your mother sounds like a narcissistic bitch. She should have put you up for adoption if she didn't want you, at least then you would have had the chance to grow up in a family that chose you. But instead it seems like she was selfish and chose whatever suited her own damn needs—she's not a mother, you're right; a real mother puts their child first no matter what."_

_Taking a deep breath, Red tightened her arms around the shorter woman and continued speaking, "How about we make a deal? If you promise to try to get clean, I'll give you a place to stay and you can work here at the bakery with me. You shouldn't be living on those filthy streets. I'll help you, if you'll let me."_

* * *

Lorna can hardly believe her ears. She feels her eyes widen as she stares across at the redhead with sympathy for her. Out of instinct, she reaches across the table to softly place her hand over her friend's. It all makes sense, though, now that she thinks about it. She understands why Nicky's so insistent on wanting to help her as well as others through her profession—she has the yearning need to give back after receiving her own amount of help.

"I'm sorry ya had such a shitty childhood and everything," she gently murmurs, her brown eyes gazing softly up at the other. Her thumb caresses lightly over pale knuckles. "Glad ya have Red now, though. Ya deserve a real mother in your life. God, I-I wouldn't know what to do without my own."

Warmly smiling, Nicky shakes her head slightly and takes the brunette's hand tenderly in her own, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Don't be, kid. My life is a million times better now. I'm beyond lucky—and thankful—to have Red in my life, she's amazing. She's the only reason I'm alive today. I'd of easily gone down the same path if she didn't take me in. And that's hard to digest, especially now, because I woulda never met you."

The brunette feels a warmth rush through her body at such words. The things this woman says to her makes her heart swell and that confuses her immensely. She can't decipher what's meant by them or how they make  _her_  feel. Sometimes the sensation is almost similar to the one she used to get around Vinny—when he was the loving man she lusted after, the one who showered her in compliments and lovingly embraced her.

"That's real good that she found ya. You deserve her motherly love—really."

Tilting her head slightly, Nicky notices the apprehensive behavior that the Italian is subtly displaying and immediately concern sets in. She brings Lorna's hand up to her lips, stroking them delicately over each of her knuckles. "You're so sweet, kid. How are ya feelin' today? Anything ya wanna talk about? Did you eat food at all?"

Lorna bites the insider of her lip. She plasters a smile on her face and nods her head. "Feeling perfectly fine today. I don't have much time left to talk—ya know, gotta get back to work soon. Maybe we can talk l-later? I mean unless you're busy, then that's fine. It's no big deal," she slowly begins to ramble, her eyes becoming slightly dazed as they stare ahead into the abyss.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down; would ya, Lorna?" A small chuckle escapes. Nicky presses another soothing kiss to the brunette's hand before reluctantly releasing it. Her big brown orbs gaze over her with compassion. "We can talk when ya get off, of course. Something's on your mind, yeah? I'll have coffee waiting for when ya get home. It's important for you to open up to me, there's no way I'd have anything to do knowing that. I'm here for you; I mean it. Please promise me you're not gonna put this feeling you're having in the back a your mind between now and later, okay? I really wanna help ya with it."

* * *

It's nearing five-thirty when Nicky's finished brewing a fresh pot of coffee. The door quickly swings open, seconds later, causing a warm smile to spread across her face. Perfect timing, she thinks. She quickly gets a cup of the hot beverage prepared for the brunette while she's busy setting her stuff down. With two steaming mugs in her hands, the redhead carefully carries them over to the small wooden table off the kitchen and places them on its surface.

She sits down and sips her coffee slowly, her eyes watching intently over Lorna. The smile only grows when the short brunette plops into the chair beside her own. "Have a good resta the day? Ya look a little drained—did it get busy?"

Lorna holds out a finger and quickly grabs her cup, gulping it all in one go. A visible paleness sits on her skin, she realizes, and loathes how anytime anxiety takes over it causes such perceptible symptoms. She sighs, nodding her head rapidly, even though she knows that's not the honest reason she feels so worn down and terrified. Yet, the last thing she wants is to mention anything about it.

"It was like people thought the bakery was closing forever or something. They were vultures," she mutters, setting the empty mug back on the table.

An uneasiness sets in with Nicky. Her actions make her silently wonder how truthful she's being. "I can believe it—I've seen that first-hand. Ya sure you're okay, though? You downed that coffee pretty damn fast, kid. What's bothering you, huh? Is it what ya wanted to talk about?"

The brunette slowly nods, almost thankful to herself for having mentioned such earlier. At least for now, she can keep what's happened to herself and not have to worry over it for the night. She twirls her finger instinctively around a strand of her brown hair.

"What's on your mind? It's okay, doll, you can tell me.  _I care_ ," Nicky softly assures, cupping her hands delicately around the brunette's porcelain cheeks.

"It's probably stupid, honestly."

Shaking her head, Nicky's eyes soften as they peer straight ahead into Lorna's. Her fingertips lightly caress along the sides of her face. " _Nothing_  you think is stupid. Don't say that about yourself," her voice warmly murmurs a mere inches from the younger woman's red lips.

Lorna sighs, focusing her gaze downwards. "I-I just I'm kinda confused, Nicky. I don't know what to think."

"What about? What's giving ya such trouble?"

"You," the brunette murmurs so softly, she's not sure if she actually spoke it or thought it. Still, she keeps her gaze anywhere but at the taller woman; not in the mood to see the rejection or laughs.

Gently lifting Lorna's head, Nicky lays her forehead tenderly over hers and stares warmly into her orbs. "What did I do, kid? Is there something I said to upset ya? You're gonna have to be a bit more specific," her breath hot against the other's mouth. She continues the soothing motion around her cheeks, waiting patiently for her to go on.

With a gulp, the brunette briefly shuts her eyes as she gathers the courage to continue. "Well, you-you said you love me last night and-and I don't know what ya meant."

"I know I did, Lorna, and what I meant is that I love you. I wanna help you and take care of you. You're special, kid; there's just something about ya that I can't seem to put a word to. Open your eyes, sweetie, it's okay. I'm right here; I'm not leaving ya," she tenderly confirms, letting her lips brush lightly over the other's.

Lorna timidly shakes her head, squeezing them tighter. "I-I don't understand, though. What kinda love is it? The friendship kind? The relationship kind—I don't know! Please clear it up, Nicky. It hurts my brain not knowing which one it is. Because if, if it's just the friendship love…then, then I think my heart would hurt," she whispers the last part, a few sparse tears leak out along her cheeks.

Those words instantly bring a rush of butterflies through the older woman's stomach. Her arms envelop tightly around Lorna's very slightly trembling body, pulling it softly onto her lap. She strokes her lips softly over the brunette's and gazes lovingly down at her. "Shh, shh, calm down. Everything's okay, Lorna. I love you. It's a deep, passionate, love that I have for you—way deeper than just friendship. And I mean it, I love you with everything in me. Please believe my words. I'd never lie to you. God, you're so damn sweet…I could never hurt ya like that, baby. I know it's hard to take my words seriously after all that's happened with you, but I promise you they're true. I'll do whatever I need to do to make ya believe them."

"I think I love you too," Lorna timidly says, wrapping her arms snug around the other's neck and burrowing her face against it. "I talked to Red this morning and she kinda helped me to understand how loyal ya are. I'm trying to believe you. I really am, it's just hard. Besides Alex, I've never had anyone loyal in my life. I hope ya understand where I'm coming from. I mean I-I'm willing to give this a chance, I just…don't wanna end up alone when ya realize there's nothing left."

Nicky pulls her closer, brushing a hand softly through her medium-length waves. She lets her chin rest lightly on top of Lorna's head, keeping her tucked into her neck as she slowly rocks her. "You don't need to rush into this, kid. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Understand?  _Baby_ , of course I understand…you've endured a hell of a lot for one girl, it makes sense why you're so hesitant and I'm not gonna push ya into anything you're not comfortable with. I love you so much and I'll wait for as long as ya need. However, if you're positive ya wanna start a relationship, I won't say no to that. You're such a sweet woman," she softly soothes into her ear, stroking her hands tenderly along her cheek. A small pang sits in her chest to hear that the other would ever think she'd abandon her in such a cruel way. She tightens her hold, "You're not gonna end up alone, not when you're with me. You're a beautiful human being, Lorna, there's a lot more to you than ya think. Please don't think this way of yourself…you're special, so special. I wish I could make ya see that. I hate hearing you berate yourself; it makes me wanna love ya even more. I promise, though, you're gonna be loved in this relationship. I wanna just hold you and shower ya in kisses and cuddles all day, baby. You're the absolute sweetest person I've ever met and ya fucking deserve so much love."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thanks personspeople for leaving such a kind comment; I'm utterly pleased to hear that you're enjoying this. This chapter, I'm not quite sure what I think, so any feedback is welcome.

_Chapter Nine_

Shortly after eight that evening, Alex opens the door to her shared apartment and walks past the kitchen into the living room. Before making her way through the hall to her bedroom, her eyes scan over two bodies seemingly laying together on the couch and halts her journey. Slowly, she turns to walk over to where the two reside, staring down at them with peaking interest. "Something you two would like to share?"

The voice of her best friend instantly makes Lorna's body jolt up into a sitting position. Her big brown eyes widen as they peer up into the taller woman's. She isn't aware how long she and Nicky spent snuggling on the couch together—instead was too busy being mesmerized by her warming presence. "Uh, hey, Al—didn't hear ya come in," her voice very lightly shakes in response.

Nicky easily senses the tension building within the petite Italian's body, causing her to quickly pull her back into her arms. She brushes a hand tenderly through her hair, letting her eyes gaze over at who's interrupted their alone time. "We've discovered we both love each other; and before ya give me the third degree, I swear to both you and Lorna that I'll never do anything to hurt her. Like hell I'd do something so cruel—Lorna's the sweetest woman alive," she murmurs, continuing to allow her hands to play about in the brunette's hair.

"The two a ya love each other, yeah? That's awfully quick for the two of ya to discover," the black-haired woman carefully voices her opinion. She watches the pair with a slight skepticism seeping through her lightly-colored orbs. "I mean I'm not tryna be negative or anything, it's just—don't ya think it's a bit soon to say you're in love?"

"I—I'm gonna go take a shower…I need time to think," Lorna interjects, reluctantly forcing herself out of the loving arms that hold her and timidly walking past her best friend with faintly hurt eyes.

The older two stare at her in worry; Nicky quickly gets up after her, grabbing her softly by the hands and pulling her in for a protective embrace. Her lips brush lovingly over her forehead. "No one's mad at you, baby, please don't think anything like that. Alex is your best friend, of course she's gonna be protective of ya; and that's perfectly okay, kid, because you've endured a lotta shit. Just go relax in the shower and don't stress over a thing, got that?" She hugs her warmly against her chest, kissing her head, before releasing her and watching her exit the room.

Letting out a small breath of air, Nicky plops back down on the couch and motions for Alex to do the same. She turns her head slightly so that her eyes are peering directly into the taller woman's. "What's bothering ya? Ya think I'd ever do anything to hurt her? Be honest," she carefully inquiries.

"Course' not. You're exactly what Lorna needs. I just—I worry she's moving too quick. This is what she did with Vinny. Claimed he was her true love before ever even talking to him and look where that shit got her!"

The redhead nods her head sadly, placing her hand tenderly over the other's in an effort to calm the boiling rage. "I am not Vinny. I will protect and love her, Alex, I swear. Besides, I'm the one who told her that I love her. If anything, maybe it's me who's moving to quick. But I can't help it, there's something about that sweet girl that just lures me in. Something that makes me wanna just wrap her in my arms and never let go."

Squeezing her eyes shut momentarily, the darker haired woman takes in a deep breath to keep herself together. She reopens them and nods slowly. "I know you're not—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything like that. You're  _nothing_  like that monster. I know you'll take good care a my best friend. I just…the poor girl's been through so much and I worry for her. Ya think you'll ever be able to get her to see the good in herself again?"

"I'll do my best, kid. But it ain't gonna be easy. She's got years and years' worth of self-hate to work through, it's gonna be a painful process. But I'll never give up on her and push as much as I can without hurting her."

* * *

The next evening, Lorna finds herself in the bathroom dressing herself up for a date with her newfound lover. Their first date, she inwardly gushes. She hasn't been on a real date since high school—and even that, she realizes, she can't quite count as a proper one. With a wistful smile on her face, the brunette ecstatically powders and blushes her face in make-up; something she hasn't had the motivation to do in months.

Long minutes ware on while she tends to her face. She uses her finger to meticulously spread the concealer around her pale cheeks, giving a smile to her reflection as she does so. Enthralled quite heavily with the task, she all but jumps when the sound of her phone's going off hits her ears. She quickly grabs it out of her pocket, takes a peak at the caller, and skeptically answers the blocked number.

"Uh, hello?" Lorna almost timidly questions into the receiver, holding it to her ear with her shoulders while using her hands to style her hair.

Heavy breathing comes through the other end. "Lorna, it's Vinny—ya know your boyfriend? Why the fuck have ya not come back? I warned ya that I'll come find you if you don't and I mean that. I know where ya work, bitch, don't think I won't come and follow ya home," his voice growls fervently.

The voice instantly wipes all color from her face. She fumbles to end the call, throwing it harshly onto the counter—which, unfortunately, causes a loud thud—and stands in a statue-like stance. Her eyes emotionlessly gaze straight ahead into the mirror; shortly after, the bathroom door swings open but doesn't faze her at all. She can't seem to find the ability to move her body.

"What was that noise? You okay, Lorn?"

Instantly, Lorna pulls herself together and plasters a forged smile on her face. She slightly turns to stare at her best friend with radiant eyes. "Oh, nothing, just my phone fell is all. I'm more than okay, maybe a bit nervous to go out with Nicky but that's about it. I just—she's the nicest person I've ever met, besides ya of course, and I don't—never mind, just uh I'll be out in a sec," the younger woman waves her hand in a gesture for her friend to leave the room.

Alex shakes her head in disbelief. "You're lying. Ya suck at it, kid. What's the problem? Are you worried Nicky's not truly in love with you? Come on, talk to me…I'm your best friend—you used to trust me with  _everything_  and vice versa. I hate how timid ya are around me or anyone for that matter. It makes me just a step closer to wanting to murder Vinny!"

"I'm fine, so drop it. There's nothing to talk about, Al. Please stop worrying about me—I ain't some helpless kitten!"

"Who the hell said ya were? I'm not trying to make ya feel that way, Lorn, but I'm not just gonna stop worrying. You're my family and the last thing I want is for you to try to fucking kill yourself again! And this—lying and pretending everything's fine when that's bullshit—is what's gonna lead to that. You need to stop this damn cycle," the older woman sternly informs her, shaking her head in dismay.

Lorna slams her hands on the counter, legs shaking angrily underneath her skirt. "I  _don't_ fucking  _know_  how, Alex. I try so hard to push the pain away but it keeps coming back even worse and-and I try to talk about it but nothing will come out—it hurts too fucking much."

The brokenness in her friend's voice quite rapidly causes Alex's heart to soar. Her arms open and gently encircle protectively around the petite Italian. "That's because ya need  _to let it out_. You need to let Nicky and myself help you. You cannot do this on your own, baby. Believe me, we understand how hard and painful it is for ya but keeping it inside—Lorna, that's only gonna make it hurt worse," she soothes, brushing her hands comfortingly through her hair.

"Look, can we not do this right now? I just wanna have a fun time with Nicky and not think about anything," her tone tired and drained. Lorna sighs, wrapping her arms tight around the taller woman's shoulders and stares up at her with a slight sorrow. "I'm sorry for being so snippy—I'm not mad at ya or nothing. Just don't wanna deal with that shit tonight, okay?"

Kissing the top of her head in a maternal manner, the black-haired woman lets out a deep breath of air. She gives a small nod, though, while pulling her closer. "Okay, okay, we can wait until tomorrow to worry about it. But that's it, Lorna, tomorrow you're facing the problem head-on. Tonight, you can enjoy the time with Nicky. Ya don't gotta apologize to me; it's okay, kid, you're expressing your feelings and that's great!"

* * *

An hour later brings the four housemates to an exquisite evening of dining at a local family-run restaurant. Lorna sits beside the redhead, butterflies floating around in her stomach. She cautiously reaches her hand over to cover the other's with. A smile gradually forms on her face; she can't remember the last time she went out somewhere so lovely.

The sensation of a soft hand touching her own has an immediate warmth rush through Nicky's body. Her face turns slightly so that her eyes meet with Lorna's; a smile forms. "What're ya gonna get, kid? Anything look good?" She reaches her other free hand over to gently place on the brunette's cheek, brushing fingers lightly along it.

"The cappuccino sounds good," Lorna softly murmurs, her eyes twinkling as they peer up into the older woman's. "What's caught your eye?"

Nicky narrows her eyes at that. She grips her friend's hand tighter, "You better order some actual food, Lorna. Ya need to eat. I don't care if ya get the cappuccino, but you need  _real food_  too!"

With a sigh, Lorna gives a slow nod in return. She gently squeezes the hand that holds hers. "What are you getting, Nicky? Maybe I'll just get the same."

"Oh yeah? Hmm, in that case I think I'll order a cheeseburger and fries—that work for you, kid?" The redhead inquiries with a quirked eyebrow. She faintly smirks, pulling Lorna's face into her hands and gazing intently into her dark orbs.

The brunette inwardly gulps at the thought but instinctively nods her head with a bright smile. Soon after, their orders are taken and the four women are left to converse amongst themselves. Lorna beams while looking at the three others—who she can now consider her family—and can't help but feel a sensation of belonging. Something she hasn't experienced in decades.

"How did the three of ya become roommates?"

Sipping on her cola, Poussey peers across at the curious brunette with a kind smile. "Well, we all met through some crazy ass party one of my friends was throwin' and I was desperately in need of roommates, so I started talking to them—cause' they seemed the most livable with kinda people, ya know?"

Nicky snorts out a laugh. She snakes her arm gently around Lorna's shoulder while staring straight across at the other two women. A playful smirk sits amongst her face. "Livable kinda people? Ain't heard of that one before, Poussey. So, ya only asked us to move out of desperation, huh? Never told me that," she jokes, bringing her glass up for a sip.

"I mean the apartment isn't cheap for one person," the dark-skinned woman answers with a smirk. She shakes her head and her expression changes to a tad more serious one. "Course' that wasn't the only reason—you and Alex are good people to live with, obviously. The only ones at the party who weren't opaquely outrageous like I know my friends to be."

* * *

Conversation continues to piece lightly through the meal. Lorna continuously beams; she hasn't experienced this much pleasure or thrill in a very long time, she notes. She casually picks at her hamburger as she listens to her friends' discussion. Her cheeks lightly blush a faint tint of pink when a tender hands is laid against her lap underneath the table. Quickly, her eyes avert up towards the owner of said hand and flashes her a cheeky grin.

The smile tears through Nicky's body like a knife slicing a beautifully golden filet of steak. Instinctively, she gives a smile back and gently brings her hand up to her lips—stroking them delicately over each of her knuckles. "How's your food? I'm prouda ya for actually eating some of it. That's a positive sign, kid."

Lorna rips a tiny piece, chucking it in her mouth, and glances back with twinkling brown orbs. "Real good," she murmurs, nibbling slowly on the sliver of a piece. She uses her other free hand to gently reach over for Nicky's. Quite engrossed with her girlfriend, the sensation of her phone going off instantly brings a jolt out of her.

Reaching into her pocket, she rapidly yanks the phone out and instantly all color drains from her face when she sees who it is. She excuses herself from the table, phone held to her ear, and frisks her way to the bathroom. Once she's in there, she runs into the farthest stall and locks herself in it.

"Hello?" She timidly shakes into the phone. The sound of hard breathing captures her attention and instantly stiffens her body. A pang forms in her chest; she holds in her breath, loathing the voice she's about to hear on the other end.

"Ya better come home tonight, Lorna!" Vinny's voice growls vehemently into her ear. He holds his phone tightly to his ear, impatiently waiting for a response. There's no way he'll allow her to stay away any longer. Control over her life will be brought back to him; he vows that to himself.

Lorna immediately feels a powerful wave of terror course amongst her body. She crouches herself down into a bawl beside the toilet, wishing the position could shield her from his ever-unrelenting control. "I don't live there anymore. Please stop calling me," her voice so quiet, she's not sure whether she actually said it or not.

Those words bring a bubbling anger within the Italian man on the other end. He grips the phone tightly, longing for it to be his ex-girlfriend's neck. "Listen here, Lorna, and listen good—You are mine; I own you, ya hear? You will come back to the apartment or I will come after you and bring ya here myself. Is that clear?"

"I-I broke up with you, Vinny. Please,  _please_ leave me alone. I don't want to go back with ya," the brunette cries out, slowly rocking her body back and forth.

" _Oh_ , ya did, hmm? You think  _you_  get to make the decisions? You wait, Lorna,  _you just wait_  and see what I have in store for you!"

Before Lorna can respond the line goes dead. Throwing her phone on the ground, she buries her face in her knees and allows her emotions to freely come to the surface. She squeezes her eyes shut in an effort to keep herself from completely falling apart. His words taunt her. There's no way she can handle being anywhere near him. She knows she can't endure anymore abuse. Her body's already damaged enough, she realizes.

The sobs only grow louder the more she ponders over what he's said. She's so enthralled with letting out her emotions that she doesn't hear the door open. All she can focus on is allowing herself to grip onto her knees and rock rhythmically back and forth. Footsteps are clearly noted subconsciously as they appear to be coming towards the stall she's hiding away in.

"Hey, are you okay in there?" A familiar Spanish-accent calls out as the person gently taps their hand against the stall-door.

Lorna quickly gains her composure and forces herself to stand up. Gathering her cell phone, she timidly opens the door to come face-to-face with none other than Gloria. "I'm okay. Just, uh, having some stomach trouble is all. What brings ya here?" She furiously wipes at her tears, trying her hardest to erase any signs of distress.

The Hispanic woman takes in her stance and immediately can see that something's not exactly right with her. She folds her hands on either hip, staring at her sternly. "Ya sure that's all? You're a bit shaky and pale. Why don't you tell me what's going on? Are you sick?"

"I'm fine—I swear," she mutters, focusing her eyes anywhere but on the concerned Hispanic.

Shaking her head doubtfully, Gloria places a tender hand on the young woman's shoulder; her eyes peer intently into Lorna's. "You need to stop pretending. Look, Lorna, I've been in your shoes— _I've_ been in the same situation;  _I know_  exactly what it's like to be abused. It's the worst thing in the world and it messes with your head. Keeping it all inside, sweetie,  _that's not_  gonna help. You need to let it out and let the people who care about you help you."

The brunette expels a breath of air. Deep down, she knows the words are true; she realizes it's only in her best interest that she opens up to those who care for her. Yet, the feeling of burdening others reigns over it all. She can't bring herself to do that. "You, you've been in an abusive relationship too? For-for how long?"

"Unfortunately, I have. With this one man—who like you—I thought was the be all-end all. He was a dream the first few months, treated both myself and my sons like we were his life. But gradually that started to dissipate into a slow-burning hell. I'd come home from work and he'd get mad. Accuse me of cheating and I'd end up with a bloody nose. Eventually, a bloody nose became bruised ribs. It progressed for years. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."

Lorna's eyes widen at that. "I-I'm so sorry," she whispers.

Maternal instincts kicking in full-force, Gloria wraps her arms around the shorter woman's body and pulls her in for a soothing embrace. She rubs her hands around her back in tender circles. "Don't, Lorna,  _don't_ apologize for what's happened to me. It was his fault for hurting me—he's the asshole who put his hands on me. And the same goes for your situation.  _You better not even think_  that you deserved what that monster did to ya. You hear me?  _Vinny hurt you_.  _He_  abused you and that's completely  _his_ fault.  _You didn't_  do a damn  _thing_  to deserve any of what he caused ya."

"What, what was the name of the man who hurt you?"

Momentarily, Gloria's eyes grow dark at the question. She shakes her head just thinking about the man. "Arturo was his name. A sick, sadistic individual he was just like that fucking piece of shit—good for nothing—Vinny. Two assholes. Neither one of us deserved what they put us through. You need to understand that, Lorna. You did not do a single thing to warrant his monstrous behavior towards you. No man should ever,  _ever_ , lay a finger on a woman they chose to love.  _No matter what_."

Staring down over the other's shoulder, Lorna feels a lonesome tear make its way down her cheek. Her arms wrap gently around Gloria's neck; being in her arms reminds of her when she was younger and would run to her mother in the middle of the night after a bad dream. It's a pleasant sensation. "Did Arturo tell ya that no one would ever-ever love you?"

"Plenty of times. That's what Vinny's told ya, yes?"

Lorna timidly nods, biting the inside of her mouth. "He-he…never mind—"

Shaking her head, the Hispanic woman lifts Lorna's chin and peers compassionately into her brown orbs. "Not never mind. You obviously want to talk about it so please go on. It's okay, sweetheart; I'm here,  _I'll listen_."

"I—I don't wanna hold ya up from whatever you're here doing. Besides, it's really nothing."

"It's not nothing, not when you're willing to bring it up," Gloria's voice firm as she holds her gaze. She sighs, taking note of the deep pain that sits within the brunette's eyes—the same pain she's all too familiar with. "Don't worry about that, Lorna. Red will understand. You're her daughter's friend, after all, she would want me to help ya. What you say is important. If you're willing to open up to me, I'll take the damn time to listen. Someone needs to get through to ya."

Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Lorna sighs in exasperation. She shakes her head. That information is still too raw to share with anyone. Having it out in the open will only tear her apart even more and that's not something she's okay with, she knows. "He, he just—he made me feel unlovable and-and unworthy, I-I guess. I still feel that way. I wish I didn't. I wish I could just forget all of this and be a good person."

Cradling the smaller woman's face in her hands, the Spanish woman peers into her with a deep empathy for her. She knows exactly what she's feeling and that boils a small rage inside. Someone as young as the person before her shouldn't have to go through this. Exhaling a deep breath, Gloria runs a thumb tenderly across her face. " _You're worthy_  of being loved, sweet little thing. Believe me, it's gonna take time and therapy to get past this feeling. It'll get worse before it gets better. But you got the best therapist in town—Nicky's a very loving woman, she'll do everything she can to get ya through this and with as much as ease possible. You just need to let her in…open up to her. She wants to help."

"But, but I-I don't want to burden her or nothin'. Especially now…we're kinda starting a relationship and-and I don't wanna bother her with my stupid problems."

"Lorna, you are worthy of Nicky's time. Stop being cruel to yourself. Nicky cares about ya and she wants to help you through this. She wouldn't like hearing ya talk this way—it's not true. You are far from a burden and your problems are not fucking stupid. They need to be dealt with, sweetie. You need to get this help; it's the only way to help ya heal and work through this self-loathing. Believe me, I've gone through this cycle. I know everything you're feeling…I've felt it myself, but I went through therapy and it helped immensely. I promise you, Lorna, it will help you too."

The sound of the door's opening halts the conversation and averts their attention in said direction. Their eyes fall along Nicky's worried face. She cautiously comes over to them, giving Lorna a concerned look over. "We were starting to wonder if ya fell in the toilet or something—what's the matter, Lorna? Gloria, is she okay?"

Taking in a deep breath, the Hispanic looks down at Lorna—who only focuses her eyes straight ahead—and turns to gaze at the concerned redhead. She slightly shrugs, giving one last squeeze to the brunette before releasing her. "She just needed a good cry. Came in here to use the bathroom and heard her sobbing in one of the stalls. She'll be okay, though. Sweet thing's a tough cookie," she sadly smiles, patting Lorna's head tenderly. Slowly heading nearer the exits, she gives them both one last stare. "You girls take care. I'll tell Red ya said hi. And Lorna, sweetheart, if ya ever wanna talk feel free to call me. I'm always willing to help you."

Once the two are left alone in the restroom, Nicky gently grabs Lorna's hand and takes her into the biggest stall. She locks the door and then focuses her attention on the tiny Italian. "What's wrong? Why'd ya come in here to cry, huh? It's okay, doll, you can tell me. I'm here for you, always. Don't be afraid to open up. Please. I wanna help you; I fucking love you, kid."

Lorna feels her heart-rate start to climb. She shakes her head furiously. "I-I ruined our date, Nicky…I'm sorry! This was supposed to be a fun night for the four a us and I ruined it. I'm—"

"Stop it. Fuck the date; what's important is how you're feeling, kid. Something's obviously upsetting you and I want to know about it. What's the matter? What happened? What's going on in that head a yours?"

The brunette shakes her head, trying to rid herself of the tears. She instinctively crouches down on the ground and pulls her knees up to her chest. Her head lays over them, tilting to the side so that the taller woman can't see her face. "Don't nag me on it,  _please._  I don't have the energy."

Such a sight has Nicky's heart burst with pain. Kneeling down beside her, she envelops her arms protectively around the brunette's body. "I'm not trying to hurt ya…I just wanna help you. I can't help ya if I don't know what's wrong, right?"

"It's nothing. Just something I ate. Please drop it."

"Something ya ate? Baby, you barely ate anything! Drop it? I'm not gonna drop it, not when I love you and want to work through this with ya. Why are you so resistive? What is it? Talk to me.  _Use your words_  and explain what you're feeling," Nicky desperately pleads, leaning her forehead gently over Lorna's. Her fingers brush feathery along her cheeks.

Before Lorna can open up her mouth to respond, she feels the vibrations of her phone through her jean's pocket and grows weak. Not again, she thinks. This can't keep happening. She can't deal with him anymore. A lump forms in her throat as she reaches her hand in to grab the vibrating cellular device. Her eyes gaze down at the caller; she can visibly feel her skin crawl at his name once more.

Nicky very easily takes notice of her girlfriend's apprehension and stares at her with an overpowering worry. "Who's calling you? Is that what's got ya all upset? Let me see, kid, come on.  _I'm here_ ; I'll protect ya."

"Vin-Vinny…he-he wants me to go back," is her shaky answer.

Quickly, Nicky grabs the phone out of her hands and clicks ignore, throwing it in her own pocket afterwards. She pulls Lorna back into her arms, cradling her softly against her chest. Her hands brush lovingly through her hair as she gazes warmly into her brown orbs. "Well, he can go fuck himself because there ain't no damn way he'll ever have the chance to be near you again. You're not going back to a place where all ya are is a damn punching bag. You deserve to be loved and cherished, Lorna. You are a sweet and delicate soul. Vinny doesn't deserve any part of you. And I'm gonna make sure it stays that way. This phone stays with me until he leaves ya the fuck alone, ya hear? I don't want you getting worried and stressed out every time your phone rings."

"But he-he said if I don't go back he'll come find me and—"

"You're gonna be with me, kid, I'm not letting ya outta my sight. There's no way in hell that I'd ever allow ya to go back with that vile creature. You are way too good for someone like him. You don't deserve to be hurt. You need love. And I have plenty of love for ya. I will never, ever, do a thing to cause ya pain. You're the sweetest person in the world; all I have for you is love, baby. And that's exactly what ya deserve is to be loved and cared for. I swear to ya that I won't ever let Vinny near ya again. I'll do whatever the fuck I needa do to keep that promise," Nicky murmurs softly, her breath trickling softly over Lorna's faintly quivering mouth. She holds her tight against her rhythmically-beating chest, brushing her lips delicately across the other's forehead. She makes a vow to both Lorna and herself to do whatever she needs to keep her out of harms way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thank you again, personpeople, for your lovely comment. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. That's very encouraging to see/know. :) Hope this chapter is just as satisfying as the rest.

_Chapter Ten_

_It was a late Friday night when Lorna lie restlessly in her bed. Fear sat in the pit of her stomach. Her relationship with Vinny slowly began to turn into a living nightmare. She couldn't do anything without his two sense. If she wore something too tight, showing off her body, he was sure to force her to change it and—if he so desired—would smack her with a belt, he almost always had at hand. Had she eaten any type of carb, he yelled at her to run a lap up and down her street. Hanging out with her best friend would bring out an unrelenting rage in him. She quickly realized that it was best to just do whatever he asked of her. To save her from unfathomable pain._

_She wrapped herself tightly in the blankets, hoping it would somehow lull her to sleep. The faint sound of something tapping on her bedroom window hit her ears and quickly deterred sleep even further from her grasp. She sighed, throwing the blankets back off and forcing herself out of bed. Her legs carefully led towards the window. What she found brought a quivering terror through her body, and before she could run, the window was thrown open and in came the intruder._

_Her body rapidly became tucked into a rough arm as the person climbed back out the window with her. Fear grew stronger. What the hell was happening? Was she seriously being kidnapped? The person who kept a tight grip on her covered her mouth with a firm hand making sure she had no way to scream for help. She felt herself being thrown into a vehicle but couldn't make out anything with how dark it seemed to be._

_The door slammed loudly behind her, immediately causing a jolt out of her. Terror tore through her. She prayed mercifully that she wasn't about to be murdered. The last thing she wanted was for her life to end before she even had the chance to live it. A hand slowly came close to her mouth—bringing with it a horrifying sensation—and she could feel it shoving some sort of liquid down her throat. Seconds after the fact, a strong haziness overtook her and she found herself finally being reacquainted with sleep._

* * *

_When her eyes finally opened, Lorna found herself lying on a table in what appeared to be a heavily sterile environment. Her eyes took a few minutes to properly focus and when they finally did, she noticed the hovering of a clump of blurred faces over her. She tried to speak but quickly realized the mask covering her mouth and grew uneasy. Her body felt weak and paralyzed in her current predicament. No matter how much she tried to move, her body didn't budge an inch._

" _Ya finally awake?" Vinny's voice empowered the room as he came quickly to her side, staring down at her with an unreadable expression seeping through his brown eyes. He placed a hand on her arm, his fingers cold and rough against her fragile skin. "Good news, Lorna—you'll never have to eat again or gain any weight!"_

_Lorna peered back up at her boyfriend with both fear and confusion. Was he the one who kidnapped her? This whole ordeal was puzzling to comprehend. It made no sense to her. What was going on? She silently wondered. A sharp pain tore through her abdomen causing a loud yelp to escape from her. "What-what are ya talking about? Where, where the hell am I?" She inquired, her voice muffled by the mask._

_The Italian boy smirked, pressing his nails gruffly into her arm. A chuckle escaped. "I'm glad ya asked," he started off, staring down at her with menacing orbs. "Ya see, I had Gino come sneak ya outta your house for this particular procedure to happen. I can't have ya eating any a that shit food ya like and getting fat on me, can I? Well, now, we ain't gotta worry about that because your stomach's been stapled. Ya ever try to eat that nasty crap again, you'll vomit."_

_Eyes widened in horror, Lorna shook her head in disbelief. How could he do something so vile? And no one questioned his antics? To say she was horrified at such a thought would be an understatement. It sickened her that no one stopped him from having this done to her, something she knew she'd never consent to. Yes, she wanted to keep her figure, but she wouldn't allow her body to be cut into just for that._

" _Don't look so sad," he growled, letting a hand run distastefully through her untamed curls. "Now you'll never have to worry about your weight again. It's a good thing, ya ungrateful whore."_

* * *

Breathing heavily, Lorna shoots up in bed and stares bewilderedly up ahead at the wall. The nightmare makes her stomach churn; she loathes how she can't seem to get past it. The memories haunt her tremendously. It only hyphens her fear of being slowly lured back to the man that's only ever shown her abuse and pain. Tears quickly pool in her eyes. The pain seems to never cease; there's always something that winds its way back.

The door to her room slowly creaks open making her eyes avert towards it. Both Nicky and Alex enter with caution; their eyes filled with a deep concern as they come to sit on either side of her. "Ya gotta tell us about this nightmare. You've been having it almost every night for the past two months— _enough is enough_ , kid, you have to open up about it. Ya wanna stop this from happening, yeah?" The redhead softly inquiries, taking Lorna's hand tenderly in her own and peering down at her in compassion.

"Vinny," is her muttered response, her eyes gazing down at her comforter.

The two share a quick glance before focusing their attention back on the Italian. Alex runs a hand soothingly through her brown waves, trying to make her feel comfortable. It hurts to know that her best friend doesn't feel safe enough to talk with them about what she's dealing with. "What about him? What that fucker do to ya now? Come on, Lorn, talk to us. We wanna help ya. Why are ya so scared?"

"I'm sorry," Lorna responds, her hands messing about in the fabric beneath her. The memories are right at the tip of her tongue, yet—no matter how hard she pushes—they refuse to spill out.

" _Sorry_ , sorry for what?  _What the fuck_  do ya have to be sorry about? Lorna, why do ya always do this? Why do ya always think you need to apologize for what ya can't control? What is it; what's making ya do this? Do you think you're not worthy of our love? Is that what it is?" The black-haired woman inquisitively questions, lifting her friend's chin so that she's staring at her.

Biting the inside of her mouth, Lorna slightly shrugs. She tries to tilt her head away but Alex won't release her hold. A sigh makes its way out of her mouth. "I don't…I don't wanna be a nuisance or nothin'. Besides, it ain't no big deal. Just a stupid nightmare," she tries to brush it off.

This time it's Nicky who speaks up, her hands cupping softly around one of the brunette's. " _Baby_ , you are far from a nuisance. What the— _how_  can ya even think that? And it is a big deal—you've been waking up in a sweat nearly every night since ya moved in. You need to talk about it with us. This isn't going to go away just because ya want it to. I wish it was that easy, Lorna, because you don't deserve to deal with it but that's not how shit works unfortunately. The only thing that's gonna help is for you to open up and tell us what's happening. What's making you have these nightmares? You don't need to be afraid—we're both here for ya, kid. For fuck's sake Alex is your best friend, has been for decades, you should know how much she cares for ya. And I already made it pretty clear how much I love you. So, what's the problem? Why do ya constantly think otherwise?"

Her mind races a mile minute. Lorna pushes away from their touch, instinctively presuming her most common position of hiding her face in her knees while rocking rhythmically back and forth. It's too much. The words, the pain, the feelings—she can't handle it. "I shoulda never moved here," she whispers shakily, her words muffled by her pajama pants.

"Stop this, Lorna,  _please_!" Alex merely pleads, her eyes desperately staring her over. She reaches her arms out for her distressed best friend, wanting terribly to hug away all of the hurt. "Come here. Let me comfort you.  _Please_ ; you need comfort."

"I can't handle this, I need it to stop."

Watching her sadly, Alex pats her lap and opens her arms for the hysterical brunette. "Then come here. Let me hold you, kid—I promise it'll calm ya down," she pleads. A bout of relief washes over her when she feels the weight of her best friend finally hit her legs, though she quickly realizes how light the girl is and sighs. Her arms encircle protectively around her waist. "It's all gonna be okay, Lorn. You're safe with us, I promise. Ya just need to let us help you, yeah? If you talk to us about the nightmare, it'll start to go away."

"His brother," the brunette timidly whispers, her orbs gazing blankly ahead at the colorless wall. "He, he took me."

Running a hand soothingly through her hair, Alex stares down at her with concern. She arches an eyebrow, "Vinny's brother took ya? What do ya mean, Lorn?"

Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, the shorter woman clings closer to her friend. The memories are still raw—still fresh, yet, she knows she can't keep them in too much longer. If she ever wants to get past this, she knows her only option is to talk about it. "I was trying to fall asleep when, when I heard something out the window…so I went over and there was a person out there. Before I could get my dad, the person t-took me," she quietly answers, still not allowing her eyes to open.

Not quite sure what to say, Nicky only rubs a soothing hand up and down her back—waiting for her to go on.

"When did this happen? Was this before Mikey died?" The black-haired tenderly inquiries, rocking Lorna softly in her arms while trying to piece together her friend's story somehow.

Lorna slowly nods her head, feeling a rush of tears come to her eyes. She bites the inside of her mouth subconsciously in effort to keep herself from falling apart. "My senior year a high school—the person put me in the back of a car and forced some kinda medicine down my throat…it-it made me fall asleep. Don't know what it was because it was so dark in there and-and—I can't, just never, never mind."

"You can tell us, sweetie, we're here to help you," Nicky soothingly assures, grabbing one of her hands and bringing it to her lips for a soft kiss. Her eyes gaze empathetically into the brunette's. "You're doing a good job, kid. Don't shut off now. This is exactly what ya needa do. You're allowed to let your emotions out."

"I woke up and saw Vinny," Lorna whispers, her body lightly tremoring at the thought. The pain easily builds with each word she speaks. This is something she never planned to share with anyone. Something she didn't think needed to be shared. "He told me it-it was his brother who kidnapped me…so-so he could, so he could—" A loud sob overpowers her, forcefully halting her from continuing. Her hands grip instinctively onto her stomach as if to stop the pain that her mind's making her think is there.

Shaking her head in anger, Alex pulls her friend closer. It infuriates her to know that something horrible happened to her and yet she had not a single clue about it. Such knowledge only fuels the rage she has for Vinny even more. "So, he could what? What did that asshole do to my best friend, huh? It's okay, Lorn, you're safe. You don't have to be scared to tell us. We're here to help ya through this, yeah?"

"He had his brother kidnap me and take me to a hospital because Vinny—he wanted, he wanted me to never be able to eat bad food again. He made me get my-my stomach st-stapled."

The older two women are taken aback at such a statement. They both glance at each other, not quite sure how to feel about hearing that. The rage and anger only worsen for Alex. She must grit her teeth in effort to keep it from showing. The last thing she wants is to mistakenly have her best friend think that the anger is towards her when that couldn't be further from the truth. "He did what to you? Vinny had ya kidnapped, drugged, and forced to undergo some dangerous procedure without ya even knowing? That fucking scumbag! Just when I think he can't get any worse, he does—Lorna, why didn't ya ever mention this to me? Why wouldn't ya tell me he did this to you? I don't even understand how he got away with such a cruel thing… _what the fuck_?"

"Is this why ya won't eat? Does it hurt you?" Nicky throws in her questions, brushing her hands through Lorna's messy brown waves. As a therapist, she thought she'd seen everything but this—this is something she's never encountered before. She has no clue how to process such information.

Giving a small nod, a rush of tears come barreling down Lorna's porcelain cheeks. "Vinny's uncle was a doctor and he made him believe that I wanted this. No one in my family knew…except Mikey," sniffles course through at the mention of her late older brother. Aside from her mother, he was the only one at home who seemed to care for her—especially when it came to her relationship with Vinny. He did everything he could to stop the man from controlling and abusing her.

" _Oh Lorna_ ," Alex soothes, cradling her closer as her eyes peer sadly down into the other's. She gives a comforting kiss atop her head, wishing longingly that it would take all this pain from her. "Why didn't ya tell me? Were ya scared? I don't get it…help me understand what ya were thinking, please. I wanna help you but I don't know how."

"I couldn't—it hurt too much too think about! It still does. Why are ya forcing me to talk about it?  _Stop!_ " The brunette cries out, frustration gradually building inside of her.

Nicky inhales a deep breath and releases it slowly. She gives a look towards the black-haired woman, silently asking her to allow her to try to calm Lorna. Her eyes watch as the other answers with a slight nod while very carefully placing the distraught brunette in her patiently waiting arms. She lays her girlfriend's head gently on her chest, stroking her hands lightly through her hair.

"No one is forcing ya to do anything, kid. If you wanna stop, go ahead. You shared a lot with us tonight and we're both very proud a ya. I know it hurts thinking about what that monster did to you but I promise the more you talk through it, the easier it will get. You're a strong, strong girl—you'll get through this, doll. Just let us help ya, yeah? You can't keep all this to yourself. That's too much for one person!"

Dropping a soft kiss to her head, Nicky carefully lays back against the mattress with Lorna wrapped protectively in her arms. She gazes tenderly in her eyes. "Let's get ya back to sleep, hmm? You look drained. It's okay; I'm gonna stay with ya. No more nightmares, baby."

The petite Italian instinctively nestles closer against her warmth and feels her eyes slowly droop shut. Her head nods slightly against the other's chest. Very rapidly she feels herself being whisked away into a much more peaceful slumber.

Alex gazes in astonishment; she quirks an eyebrow at Nicky. "You really love her, huh? It's obvious she loves ya right back—I've never seen her so comfortable with someone other than her brother and myself."

Gently lifting the comforter to wrap around the two of them, Nicky nods with a compassionate smile on her face. Her brown orbs stare intently up at her housemate with an overpowering amount of sincerity. "I love her with my whole heart. Ain't ever felt this way for someone in my entire life. All I want is to protect her and show her what true love is. Your best friend will never experience abuse again, Alex; the only thing I have for her is love and compassion."

* * *

_Red sat in her kitchen with her morning tea, looking over the newspaper when the creaking of footsteps caught her ear. She lifted her face slightly over the paper to find her new housemate's presence. The sight of how pale and sickly she looked brought a maternal worry over her. "You don't look well, Nicky. What's the matter?"_

" _This is what happens when I don't do heroin," Nicky groaned out, trying to walk slow to ease the overwhelming amount of nausea her body seemed to be cursed with. The last time she felt this bad she had only herself to get her through it. Her mother refused to allow her daughter back in the home—not when it would ruin her reputation among her group of snooty rich friends._

 _Getting up from the table, Red made her way over to the young twenty-four-year-old and stared her over suspiciously. "_ No _, this is what happens when you put poison in your damn body. You make your body depend on the shit and then as soon as you run out, you get sick. Don't you think that's a sign?"_

_The disheveled redhead only gave a slight shrug. Hell if she knew what her body did and didn't like. All she knew was that heroin helped her through life; it helped to forget her bigoted mother. "The shit's all I got. The fuck ya expect? My mother didn't give a rat's ass about my choices. Why is it such a bother for you? Ya barely know me," the words came out of her mouth out of impulse._

_Heart strings were heavily pulled on at hearing the other's words. Red let out a breath of air; she longed for nothing more than to somehow help this woman. Whether she agreed or not, Red knew that Nicky desperately needed a mother figure in her life. If she ever wanted to turn her life around, that was, and deep down, the Russian matron prayed for that to be the case. She couldn't live with herself to see someone so young continue to spiral down such a dangerous path._

" _You have me now; I'm here to help you. I took you in because you're too young to let yourself continue such a risky lifestyle. How sick do you feel?"_

_Such words were like a dream. Nicky longed to believe them but she couldn't. She barely knew this woman; how could she tell if she honestly wanted to help her? "Just nauseous is all," she apprehensively answered, arching her eyebrows while giving an unreadable stare towards the taller woman. Her eyes searched for any sign of deceit in the other's._

_Red instinctively grabbed the redhead's hand and led her to a chair at her kitchen table. "I'll make you a cup of peppermint tea. Something my babushka used to make me when I was pregnant. Had the worst morning sickness one could ever imagine. You like sugar or cream in your tea?" She asked, walking over to the counter to grab a mug from above._

" _Babushka? What is that—Russian or somethin'? Isn't that some kinda scarf? Your scarf made ya tea? The hell?" Nicky quirked an eyebrow in wonder, resting her head against the top of the table. Her face turned so that her eyes could peer over at the middle-aged Russian._

_With a small chuckle, Red filled the mug with water and placed it in the microwave for a minute. She turned to glance over at her new housemate. "Are you accent-deaf or something? You don't hear my thick Russian accent when I speak? Yes, babushka is a Russian term—it means grandma. My grandmother is the one who made me tea. We come from Russia, except for my boys—they're pure citizens of the states," she answered, searching the drawers for her box of tea assortments. Grabbing hold of it once found, she brought it over to right below the microwave and took out a peppermint tea bag._

" _Guess I didn't pay attention. How long ago did ya move here? What made ya wanna move to a whole new country?" The questions easily slipped out of Nicky's mouth, subtly easing away the ill sensation._

_Steeping the tea gradually in the hot cup of water, a smile slowly made its way to the Russian's face. "It was a dream of my husband and I to open up a bakery but there was no way we could do that in Russia. Plus, my parents and grandparents already had plans to move out here so there was no way I wouldn't move as well. Oh, God, that was thirty years ago—Jesus, I feel old now," Red muttered, carrying the freshly-steeped cup of tea over to Nicky and placed it front of her._

_Nicky gratefully grabbed hold of the mug, bringing it to her lips for a much-desired sip. The herbal taste slightly reminded her of the first time she put a cigarette in her mouth, only a little less satisfying. "Thanks," she mumbled into the cup before placing it back on the table in front of her. "How many kids ya got? And how come your house seems so lonely? Don't they live here?"_

" _Full of questions, aren't you?" The red-haired matron smirked, resuming her seat on the other side of the table. "I have three boys but they're all living on their own. The oldest is twenty-eight, twenty-six, and my baby is twenty-three. I lost my husband a couple of years ago due to a heart attack. He enjoyed my pirozhki's a little too much; I warned him that it wasn't good to eat five a day but God-forbid he listen to his wife!"_

" _I, uh, I'm sorry to hear that about your husband," Nicky uncomfortably shifted in her seat. Empathy was something that hadn't come easy to her. Something no one ever showed to her. She focused on her beverage, taking another long sip._

_Red gave a small shrug, finishing off the rest of her own tea—that now seemed cold to her teeth and made her shiver a sliver. "Eh, I've come to terms with it. Besides, we knew for a while that his heart wasn't in good shape; death was bound to happen. Now, I just focus all my time on keeping up with the bakery. Exactly what he'd of wanted."_

_The redhead only offered a small smile before glancing into her half-full mug. Conversing with people was never easy but she'd be lying if she didn't believe this to be one of the best conversations she had in a while. She could listen to Red's stories all day; it almost brought a warm, fuzzy, sensation over her. She felt as though she was visiting a grandmother. The feeling was pleasant and she prayed this wasn't just a temporary thing—she wanted to build a relationship with this woman. Maybe even someday consider her a mother-figure._

* * *

Nicky sits in her office, a cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. She hasn't had such a slow day in months. It makes her anxious to sit around waiting for her next patient. A sigh escapes her as she flips the page; she couldn't sit like this forever. She had to somehow busy herself to make the time pass quicker. Rummaging through her junk drawer, she yanks out her old iPod and placed the ear-buds into the proper ears. With the loud music blaring through her ears, she smiles and kicks her feet up on the desk.

Jamming along to the music her iPod plays, she doesn't notice the door to her office opening or another person's presence entering inside the room. Not until the sound of screaming and yelling occurs does Nicky take observation of her surroundings. Rapidly, she shuts off the device—throwing it back in its drawer—and stridently makes her way over to intervene.

When the brunette woman turns around and Nicky realizes it's Lorna, a rush of concern brushes over her. She pulls the petite woman into her arms, worry creased on her forehead. "What's going on? What's the yelling about? Are ya hurt, kid?"

Keeping her head down, the young Italian fiercely shakes her head. She snakes her arms tight around Nicky's neck, hiding her face in the crook of it. "He, he found me. I can't escape him. I-I don't know what to do, Nicky," her voice timidly whispers as she tightens her grasp. She thought Vinny would finally be out of her life once her best friend found out but sees, now, that that's only worsened things. She should have never said a thing to anyone.

"Shh, shh," the taller woman tenderly soothes, wrapping her arms protectively around her waist. She gently carries her over to the chair behind her desk and sits down cradling her tight against her chest. "You're safe here. I've got ya, kid. I'll protect you; I promise. Where is he? Is he outside my office? Is that who I heard yelling?"

"He saw me at the bakery and-and I got scared so I came here because I thought maybe I was just hallucinating but he f-followed me and said if I don't go back with him, he'll-he'll  _kill_  me."

Rage slowly making its way to Nicky's surface, she tightens her hold on the quivering brunette. "He's not laying a damn finger on your precious head; I won't let him. I'll call the damn cops if he doesn't leave. He ain't welcome in my office. Not when he fucking forced a sweet angel like you to have your precious skin cut into—my god, he needs to rot in prison! What the fuck is wrong with him? How,  _how the hell_  can he do something like that to  _you?_  You're just the sweetest woman ever…no one has the damn right to hurt you," she hollers, the anger starting to get the best of her. Closing her eyes for a moment, she lets out a sigh and pulls herself together. The last thing she wants is to let the fury control her; what's important, she knows, is making sure she keeps Lorna safe.

Shrugging, the brunette only clings tighter to Nicky. "Don't call the cops—it's obvious th-they don't care. And it'll just make him have even more reason to wanna kill me. I don't understand, Nicky—why, why won't he just leave-leave me alone? I told him I don't wanna be with him anymore but, but he-he still wants me to come back."

Kissing the top of her head softly, the redhead feels a slight pang in her chest. She pulls her girlfriend closer, resting her chin gently over the top of Lorna's head. Her hands brush delicately through her brown waves. "I have to call them,  _baby_ ; it's part a my job.  _He's not gonna kill you_! I'm here, I'm gonna keep ya safe. You'll just have to stay with me for the resta the day, that's all," she soothes, nuzzling her chin against the other's soft hair. Anger slowly begins to bubble at hearing such. "Vinny's a narcissistic asshole, that's why. All he wants is for you to crawl back to him so he can keep ya under his control. He's fucking evil. And there's no way in hell I'll let him take you away. You need to be loved; real fucking love, sweet girl. What the fuck he did to you,  _that's not_  fucking love."

Lorna closes her eyes, letting out a sigh. "He'll never stop, will he?"

"Oh yes he will, kid. I'm calling the police right now and telling them he's got a gun inside my private office building. They'll have to come arrest him. And even if he's only in prison for a few days, I swear to you that I won't fucking let him anywhere near you ever again. In fact, neither will Alex. You know we'll keep ya safe," she firmly assures, kissing her head soothingly before taking out her phone and dialing the police.

Once she hangs up with them, only a couple minutes later, she focuses her attention back on the terrified brunette in her arms and caresses a tender hand along her face. Immediately, she becomes highly alarmed at the sensation of a substance coming into contact with her hand. She brings the hand up towards her eyes to more closely examine and becomes increasingly worried to find that it's blood. Strongly concerned, Nicky lifts Lorna's chin and gasps at the large (bloody) gash across her cheek. A lump forms in her throat at such a sight. Her eyes pour compassionately down into the other's.

"Did Vinny do this to ya? What he do, huh? What that asshole do to ya, baby?" Nicky shakes her head angrily, her arms only tightening around her girlfriend's quivering waist. She grabs multiple tissues off her desk and gently places them over the cut. "I'm so sorry, kid—how bad does it hurt?"

Lorna gazes down at the floor. A faint tear makes its away along her bruised cheek. "He, he um had a knife and-and dr-dragged it down my face. Warning me how-how he'll do worse if-if I don't g-go with him."

The redhead gulps at hearing that. She feels physically ill to know what's been done to such an angelic young woman. It makes her blood boil. She takes Lorna's head and very gently lays it on her chest while continuing to hold the tissues against her bleeding cheek. "My poor baby," she murmurs, eyes soft with empathy for the woman she loves. Her arms wrap even snugger around the other's petite body. "You're safe, Lorna, you're staying right here with me. I won't let him near ya. Over my dead body.  _You are not_  that man's property; he doesn't fucking deserve a damn ounce of your sweet precious love."

The other's intense shaking only makes Nicky hold her closer. She lays her head softly atop Lorna's, hoping to somehow soothe away her pain and fear. "It's okay, baby; you're gonna be okay. I'm not letting him touch another hair on your head, I fucking mean it. I love you; there's no way in hell I'm letting anyone take ya away."

The sound of a gunshot going off has both women jolt in fear. Nicky pulls Lorna closer, trying to hide her from whatever's lurking outside her office door. She hopes and prays he doesn't come in.


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter Eleven_

_A cold night in the winter of Lorna's senior year found her running horrifically down the city streets. Her knees buckled underneath her as she tried her hardest to pick up the pace. Tears covered her face. She couldn't believe what just occurred—the sight of her brother's brutal attack and being thrown out of her house for her father's accusations of she somehow having a part in that, it all brought a sick sensation over her. The thought alone that her own dad would think she'd hurt her older brother made a shiver run down her spine. Mikey was the closest person to her—she'd give her life for him, not try to take his._

_She continued to run until she came to a familiar apartment complex that she knew belonged to her best friend. Her legs jogged into its entrance and down the hall to the staircase. It took a matter of seconds before she stood in front of the door to Alex's apartment; briskly, she let her fist knock stridently on the piece of wood._

_Shifting her feet unnervingly while waiting, Lorna focused her teary eyes on the floor. The memories flood through her mind; a lump sat in her stomach at the thought of her brother's possibly passing and she's not allowed within spitting distance of him. Only thinking about such worsened the ill feeling that slowly seemed to be bubbling up._

_"Lorna? What brings ya here so late?"_

_The voice, belonging to her best friend's mother, instantly brought Lorna back to reality. She timidly lifted her head to stare up at the woman in front of her, whom stood with the door to the apartment wide-open staring back with concerned orbs. "Oh, uh, hi Miss Vause…is-is Alex around?"_

_Shaking her head slightly, the black-haired woman motioned for her daughter's young friend to enter inside the home. Once the girl came inside, she shut the door and brought her into the living room. "She's workin' a late shift tonight. Everything okay? Ya look a bit shaken up—your parents know you're here?"_

_"My dad—uh, he-he kinda kicked me out. I-I'm sorry for bothering ya. I can come back tomorrow when Alex is home," she quickly mumbled, her eyes looking uneasily around the room._

_Sitting down right beside the petite Italian teen, Miss Vause felt a small pang in her chest to hear that. What kind of parents would just throw their underage child out of the house—especially late in the night? Empathy filled within; her arms wrapped gently around her in a maternal embrace. "What happened? Why's he chosen to kick ya out? Oh no, sweetie, you're staying_ here _—ain't no way I'll let ya go wandering the streets when it's this late! In fact, maybe I oughta give your dad a call and see what the hell he's thinking," she firmly inquired, staring down at the other with a strong midst of concern._

_Lorna violently shook her head. "No, no, ya can't call him. He won't listen to you or no one."_

_Stroking a hand soothingly through her brown waves, Diane let out a small sigh and cupped her face in her hands. "Ya gonna tell me what happened? Ya know ya can tell me anything, right? I mean ya are kinda like a second daughter to me—if something's wrong, I'd like to help ya out. I mean that, Lorna."_

_"Mikey—me and him were out in the city, just ya know hanging out and then some-some guys…they came and started fighting with him. He got hurt real bad and I called 911 and then my dad. He met us at the hospital—he was really mad, blamed me for what happened and told me to get the hell outta there before he called the police on me. He said not to go back to the house either or he'll call them. I-I didn't—I don't understand why he thinks it's my fault! Mikey's the only one in the family I'm close with…the last thing I want is-is to-to lose him!" The brunette cried out, tears quickly coming once again to the surface at the thought of all the possibilities that could happen with her older brother. She wasn't prepared to see him die. No way she could handle such a thing._

_Disbelief was the only sensation the older woman could attest to how she felt after hearing her daughter's friend's hysterical confession. Instinctively, her arms tightened around her small frame, pulling her slightly closer. "It's not your fault, Lorna; your dad is probably just angry with the situation and is lashing out at you. That doesn't make it right, believe me, but that's probably all it is. Don't ya worry, sweetie; you're not the reason anything happened to your brother. Don't take your dad's words to heart. You'll stay here for the night and we'll call your dad in the morning to see how Mikey is, okay? I'll talk to him if that will help," she softly assured, placing a motherly kiss atop her head._

_"I just—I can't lose my brother. He's all I got."_

_Brushing a hand comfortingly through her hair, Diane shook her head sadly. She let her blue eyes peer empathetically down into Lorna's brown ones. "He's a strong young man, he'll pull through. But I promise you, he's not all ya have. Ya got Alex and myself; we'll always be here when ya need us, sweetheart. I know things are rough at home for ya but I promise you're always welcome to stay here with us."_

_Lorna used her arm to wipe at the tears. A sniffle escaped. She tilted her head a tad so that her face was in the other's line of view and allowed her orbs to gaze gratefully up into lighter ones. "Thanks, Miss Vause. You're always so nice. Ya remind of my mom…well before the mental illness took control of her. I miss her a lot so it's real nice to be able to come here and talk to you sometimes," she gently admitted._

_"Sure thing, Lorna. And please, just call me Diane. For crying out loud, ya've been friends with Al for only what—eight years now? You know your family to us now," the black-haired mother kindly replied, giving a tender squeeze to who she considered a second daughter._

_Her hands messed about in Lorna's dark waves while her eyes gazed warmly down at her. "I know it's hard for ya without your mom being around. That damn mental illness progressed fast for her, didn't it? That's such a shame. Stansie was a very sweet woman; sad to know that she's been put in an institution where she's not given the proper treatment. That aside, I'll always be here for ya. You've been such a great friend to Alex. Helped her even when I couldn't. You're a precious person, Lorna. We'll both be here to help ya through this, whatever happens. Now, how about ya go lay in Al's room? Ya look pretty drained, sweetie. Besides, staying up worrying all night isn't gonna do ya any good. Alex will be home soon and I'll let her know you're here."_

* * *

_Almost two hours passed when the sound of her friend's bedroom door slowly willed Lorna from her slumber. Her brown eyes tiredly peeped out of their lids, following to where the rattling came from and met sight with her best friend's desperately trying to quietly enter the room—attempts that obviously didn't go as in intended. She immediately sat herself up and stared straight ahead into the young adult's heavily concerned eyes. "I didn't know ya worked tonight—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come here and waste your mom's night or yours…I'm sure the last thing ya wanted after a long day—"_

_"Shh, stop it. Lay back down, kid. I'm gonna go shower and change real quick. You just get some rest until I come back, yeah? I'll be like ten minutes and then I'll come lay with ya," Alex gently hushed, walking over to her dresser to grab a pair of pajamas. With them tucked neatly under one arm, she made her way to where the teen sat and brushed a hand soothingly through her hair. "Ya didn't do anything to be sorry for; mom and I will always be here for ya. Close your eyes, I'll be back in a bit," she assured, placing a comforting kiss against her forehead._

_Lorna timidly nodded, allowing her body to slowly sink back against the mattress. Her eyes followed her best friend's figure that gradually disappeared through the door that led to the bathroom. She pulled the blankets up to cover tightly around her body and let the faint sound of water running from the shower lull her back into a somewhat restless sleep._

_Ten minutes rapidly passed by. The sensation of someone's lying in the bed beside her immediately pulled Lorna back out of her sleep. She shot her eyes open, turning her face to stare directly across into Alex's. "That was fast," her voice tiredly mumbled, a yawn slowly being released._

_Slowly sliding her arms around her friend's petite waist, the older girl pulled her close and gave a sympathetic gaze. "My mom told me what happened. I'm so sorry, kid. So sorry that ya had to watch your older brother get hurt—I know how close the two a you are, can't imagine how you're feelin', Lorn," her voice whispered softly into the shorter girl's ear._

_"If-if Mikey dies—I don't, I don't know what I'll do. He-he's always taken care of me and helped me…I can't lose him, Al!"_

_Laying the younger girl's head tenderly against her chest, Alex stroked a hand soothingly through her brown waves. She used her other free hand to carefully pull the blanket up to wrap around the two of them and let out a sigh. "I know it'll be very painful for ya to have to lose your brother…I'm so sorry, kid. But my mom and I will be here for ya," she huskily assured, wrapping her arms snugger around her petite body._

_Hearing that caused Lorna to scrunch her face up puzzlingly. "You, you don't think Mikey will live?" Just saying such aloud brought a heavy bout of queasiness over her. She silently prayed that her older brother would make it through. There was no way she could go on without him._

_"Well, I guess it'd be best I just tell ya now rather than make ya wait until morning," Alex slowly started off, a faint sorrow hidden in her tone. She pulled her best friend closer, giving a comforting kiss to the back of her head, and inhaled a sharp breath. "When I got home, my mom just got off the phone with your dad—erm, and, uh, Mikey passed away an hour after getting to the hospital…I'm so sorry, Lorna! She was gonna come talk to ya but I figured it'd be better hearing it from me. I mean obviously it's not what ya wanted to hear, I know, but I wanted to make sure I was here with you when ya found out…I'm sorry!"_

_Tears and sobs plagued Lorna's body. She desperately clung to the older girl; her arms tight around her neck as she buried her face in it. That couldn't be true—her brother wasn't dead, he was too young and strong to let go. "No, no-no fucking way! Mikey can't be dead—I need to go see him! I need to see him for myself, Al—I didn't even, I didn't get to say goodbye!"_

_Alex only held her tighter, staring down at her with a deep sympathy. She couldn't imagine the grief and pain her best friend must have felt. Her lips pressed soothingly against Lorna's forehead, trying to bring her any amount of comfort she could. "I'm so sorry; I really am, kid. I wish this wasn't true, but it is. Your dad said the injuries were too much for him to handle! We'll take ya in the morning to see him, okay? It's too late right now, ya need to sleep. I'm sorry," her voice whispered tenderly into the other's ear._

_"No, no, I need to see him now. I can't sleep until I see him! What if my dad's lying?! I don't believe this!"_

_Pulling Lorna back down in her arms, the black-haired young adult ran a hand tenderly through her hair. "Baby, we can't go right now. You need to get some rest. Why would your dad lie about this, huh? I mean, yeah he can be an asshole sometimes—sorry, kid, just being honest—but I seriously doubt he'd lie about a death! That's low even for him."_

_"Because he-he blames me for what happened with Mikey and wouldn't let me stay—he's probably saying this so that I'll never get to see him again! Come on, Al, please let's go to the hospital—I'll prove it to ya," Lorna frantically cried out, desperately hoping her words were true. They have to be. She knew her brother wouldn't give up without a fight. Her father just wanted to keep her away from them. Of course, she should have figured._

_Shaking her head sadly, Alex only pulled her friend closer. She softly brushed her fingers over and over through Lorna's brown waves of hair, hoping to lull her into sleep. Lips stroked comfortingly atop her head. "No, kid, you're not to blame for what happened to him. Why the hell would your dad say that? Lorna, what happened? It's okay, you can tell me."_

_Tears rushed back to her surface; Lorna abruptly shook her head—she wasn't about to discuss the incident again, not when all it brought was pain and horror. A wrack of heavily sobs tore through her._

_"Shh, it's okay—ya don't need to talk about it right now," the older girl softly soothed, eyes gazing compassionately down into her friend's. She made sure to lay the brunette's head against her chest before proceeding to wrap them in her comforter. "Just close your eyes and sleep. We'll deal with this in the morning. Everything will be okay. You have my mom and I to help ya through this; I promise, baby. We'll take care of ya," Alex tenderly assured, giving a comforting kiss onto her forehead._

* * *

Lorna's eyes fearfully stare at the door. The sound of a gun's going off immediately brought her back to the incident with her brother. The fear she felt then only intensified now. This isn't happening to her brother; this is happening to  _herself_. She sucks in a shaky breath, only clinging closer to the redhead therapist. She prays that Vinny doesn't come in and kill them. That's the last thing she wants today—to die at the hands of her abuser.

The sensation of the brunette's body trembling against her own has Nicky's arms tighten around her small frame. She leans her head softly over top of Lorna's, keeping her eyes on her office door. "It's okay, kid; you're safe with me," she softly whispers, stroking a hand tenderly through her dark waves. Deep down, she hopes her words are honest. She knows she can't control the actions of the person on the other side of the door.

Another gunshot goes off and this time the door to Nicky's office slowly shatters to the floor. Lorna briskly jumps up and buries herself underneath the desk, laying her face on the floor and covering her hands over top of it. There's no way she'll be able to look Vinny in the eye—not anymore. She's not letting him kill her.

Rage bubbles inside of Nicky when her eyes meet with Vinny's. " _What the fuck_  are you doing here in  _my_  private office with a damn gun? I hope ya know the police are on their way. You're not going to get off easy this time, asshole."

"Where the fuck is Lorna? I know she's here—fuckin' bitch, ya think you're gonna keep her from me? I own her, ain't no one else gonna want some little fatty like her," the Italian man bitterly shouts, forcing his way in the room while searching closely for the petite brunette. His hands grip tighter on the gun, making for easy access if needed.

Nicky leans over her desk, eyes dark as they glare daggers straight ahead into Vinny's. The words that spit out of his mouth makes her want to beat the life out of him, but she does her best to refrain from any physical violence, knowing that will only worsen the situation. "Excuse me? What the fuck ya mean  _you own her_? Since when is Lorna an object, huh?! Oh,  _wait_ , that's right— _she's not_! Lorna is a human being…a sweet, precious human being at that and you have done nothing but make her life hell! You will not come anywhere near her. She's done with you, Vinny; she's tired of being your little punching bag and she has every damn right to be—she doesn't fucking deserve any of the goddamn abuse ya put her through! Lorna isn't even remotely fat—ya fucking asshole, you put that shit in her head; you're the fucker who makes her feel so bad about herself that she resorts to starving herself and almost jumping off a roof! You deserve to rot in prison for the resta your miserable life," Nicky growls, her teeth gritting together in an unwavering fury.

Her eyes widen when she sees that he has the gun pointed at her and his hands seeming to be on the trigger. With almost cat-like-reflexes, Nicky rapidly crouches down on the floor right as he pulls the trigger. Following is the sound of another gun going off but she doesn't have the chance to get up to see where it comes from with a shaky Lorna timidly crawling over to settle against her lap.

"Aw, kid, it's okay," she soothes, throwing her arms protectively around her waist. She nuzzles her chin lovingly atop Lorna's head, brushing a hand comfortingly through her hair. "It's okay;  _we're okay_. I promised ya I'd keep us safe, yeah? I never break my promises."

With Lorna securely in her arms, Nicky cautiously stands up with her to get a good look around her office and feels a sudden rush of relief wash over her when Vinny's being tackled to the ground by a couple of officers. She walks over to them, tightening her hold on Lorna, and almost smirks at the sight of Vinny's bleeding shoulder.  _Serves ya right_ , she silently thinks.

The heavier of the two officers walks over to greet them. "Sorry about the door and your wall—I'm pretty sure insurance will cover that. Assuming you have insurance. Anyway, that aside, we'll need a statement from," he looks down at his notepad momentarily before averting his attention back up towards to the two young women, "Lorna Morello?"

Nicky sighs at hearing that. She gazes down into her girlfriend's eyes, noticing the pain and terror that reside in them and frowns sadly. She looks back over at the officer with a slight desperation seeping through her big orbs. "Right now? She's kinda shaken up—can we come down to the station or somethin' later? I need to take her to the ER so she can get her cut stitched up."

"That's actually a good idea—it'll probably take up some time anyway, so it's better she collects herself. I'm sorry the both of you had to deal with this mess today. I'm sure that's not how ya expect your day to go, huh?"

Rubbing a hand tenderly through Lorna's brown waves, Nicky almost lets out a small chuckle. She nods her head. The last thing she thought was that some maniac girlfriend-abuser would come gunning down her therapy practice. "I'd say," she mutters, walking nearer the door—or what's left of it. Before leaving, she turns and gives a half-smile towards the officer. "Thanks for being so understanding towards Lorna. We'll stop by the station later this evening so she can give her statement."

* * *

"Whoa, whoa, Alex, slow down, would ya?" Poussey quirks an eyebrow as her girlfriend merely runs a red-light. She gives a concerning glance across to her, placing a hand comfortingly over top of the other's. "Ya wanna tell me what's the matter? And maybe where we might be speeding off to?"

With a sigh, the black-haired woman slowly nods. She turns to gaze at her girlfriend, a clear paleness taking over her face. Just when she thinks life seems to be going in the right direction for her friend, something out of the ordinary has to happen. Her hands tap anxiously against the steering wheel as she waits exasperatingly through the light. "Nicky called and apparently Vinny followed Lorna to her office with a fucking gun. He shot the door to her office and the wall, luckily the two of them were able to doge it—except that fucking asshole still managed to hurt her," her voice all but growls with the anger that doesn't seem to relent.

"He was arrested, yeah? Fucking dick," the darker-skinned woman inquiries, holding her girlfriend's hand lovingly in her own. She shakes her head; it baffles her how a person could willingly choose to harm another. "How hurt is she? What he do to her?"

Alex grits her teeth; she longs to one day take all of this rage out on the very man who put her best friend through so much abuse for nearly an entire decade. "Fortunately, it's not bad; she just needs stiches on her cheek, poor kid. I'm not sure, Nicky wouldn't tell me. But the two a them are in the ER so I figured I might as well go see for myself—hope ya don't mind being dragged along, P? I'm sorry, I know I've been kinda focused on Lorna for the past couple a months…it's just she's like a little sister to me and I just, I can't lose her, ya know?"

Bringing the other's hand up to her lips, Poussey presses a delicate kiss over each of her knuckles and gives her a loving smile in return. She shakes her head, "Don't apologize, Alex; believe me, I totally understand. If Taystee was goin' through some shit like this, I'd be the same way you are. Besides, any time spent with you is time well spent. Even if it's sitting in an ER room watching ya comfort your best friend."

"How'd I get so lucky to have a sweet girlfriend like you, hmm?" Alex inquires with a loving smirk on her face. She squeezes the other's hand tight in her own, gazing over at her with a deep affection pouring out of her eyes. "I love you, P."

Those three words bring a glowing smile to Poussey's face; her cheeks blush a faint pink tint. "I love ya too. And believe me, I'd say we're both pretty lucky."

* * *

Sitting in a chair right beside Lorna's gurney, Nicky gazes down at her with warm eyes. She tenderly strokes the tips of her fingers along the stitched up cut that runs the length of her cheek. "How's it feel, doll? Ya want any pain meds before they shoo us outta here?"

"It stings a bit but I don't need anything for it. Your fingers kinda ease it a tad—that was a stupid of me to say," Lorna quickly hides her face, her cheeks flushing a bright red at her own words.

Nicky can't help but smile at the brunette's innocent actions. She continues the delicate caressing of cheek and uses her other hand to very carefully move Lorna's face back towards her own. "Aw, doll, don't be embarrassed! I love ya—I like making you feel better and if you enjoy the way I stroke your face, I'll be glad to keep at it. Don't be ashamed of how ya feel, Lorna."

Before the brunette can let out another word, the door to her room opens and causes both hers and Nicky's eyes to avert over towards the two women who enter. Lorna musters up a small smile to see her best friend. "Al, what're ya doin' here? How'd ya even know I was here?" She inquiries with a quirked eyebrow.

Walking over to her, Alex smiles and feels a rush of relief to see that the only injury Lorna has is a minor one. She bends down to press a maternal kiss atop her forehead while wrapping her in a gentle embrace. "Ya think I'd just ignore the fact that my best friend's been through a traumatic ordeal, do ya? Nicky called and told me what happened—course' I had to come see for myself. Thank God he didn't hurt either of you too seriously," she murmurs, brushing a hand soothingly through her friend's brown waves. She gives her one last squeeze before reluctantly releasing her hold.

"What he do to your face, huh kid? That's the one thing your girlfriend wouldn't tell me," she says, giving a heated stare towards the redhead.

Nicky sheepishly smiles, shrugging her shoulders. "I didn't wanna get ya all worked up when everything's been taken care of. Besides, Lorna's okay now. She's a tough woman…whether she believes that or not," her words are firm as her eyes avert down to the brunette's with a longing compassion hidden within.

With a playful scoff, Poussey shakes her head at the both of them. "She almost ran a red-light—she doesn't need you to get her worked up, she does it to herself," she chimes into the conversation with a light chuckle.

Lorna gulps, taking in her surroundings and trying to keep herself together. She forces herself into a sitting position, staring up at not just her best friend but all three of the other women. Her heart-rate slowly rises. "Uh, he-he just warned me that if I didn't go back with him that he'd do more than cut my face…no, no big deal. I mean he's in prison now, okay?! Geez," she grumbles.

"Cut your face—Vinny fucking sliced a knife through your fucking skin? And you, you fucking think that's no big deal? Lorna, you're lucky he's in prison where I can't fucking abuse him the way he's hurt you! You're so precious, too precious to be abused by anyone. It makes me beyond sick to know everything that piece of shit's done to ya," Alex yells, gritting her teeth in fury at the horrifying thoughts.

The brunette sighs, looking back over at her friend with a small frown. "Sorry—I don't mean to get bitchy, Al. I just—I just…there's so much anger inside and I don't know what the fuck to do with it— _I'm sorry_!" She throws the sheets off of her body and lets out a frustrated scream. Her hands ball into tight fists; she shakes her head, trying her hardest to fight the urge. She's never felt an anger quite like this before and that frightens her.

Concern takes up Alex's entire face to see her friend act out in such an unfamiliar way. Out of all the years they've known each other, she's never once witnessed Lorna's anger—never thought she had any. "Don't, baby, don't be sorry. You're allowed to be angry—in fact ya have every single right to be! But why don't ya just lay down for now and close your eyes, yeah? Ya don't wanna get all worked up and make that cut hurt any worse, do you?"

" _Don't tell me what the fuck to do_ —I make my own damn decisions," Lorna screams, jumping up from the gurney and running towards the door.

Nicky comes up behind, enveloping her arms delicately around her waist. She carefully pulls her close, staring at the other women with apologetic eyes. "Why don't the two a ya head home, yeah? I'll stay here with her and calm her down. Lorna's gotta go down to the police station after anyway, so we'll see ya guys later," she informs them, her eyes gazing softly at Alex—silently assuring her that her friend is in good hands.

After the two leave, just five minutes later, Nicky gazes worriedly down at her girlfriend. "Please get back in the bed, sweet girl. You need to calm down. I know you're angry—and you're allowed to be, but you're also hurt and need to be easy on yourself. Alex and I would never make you do anything that would hurt you—we love you so much, Lorna."

"No,  _let go of me_ ," the younger woman growls, her eyes bewilderingly staring up at Nicky. "I don't need to be fucking taken care of. I'm not a child. Stop treating me like some pitiful little girl who can't do shit for herself!"

"Lorna, right now ya do need taken care of. You just fucking had your cheek cut into by your abusive ex-boyfriend—and on top of that had to watch him come in my office with a gun. You're vulnerable right now, kid, you need to let me help ya. Now please, sweetie, lay down and rest. You can't go to the police station like this. You're too hysterical. Come on, come here," Nicky softly pleads, opening her arms for the distressed Italian.

Shaking her head violently, Lorna's eyes darken as they continue to glare at the older woman. She backs up against the wall. "First of all, stop calling me Lorna—and second, I'm not doing what ya want. Leave me alone! I'm not your pet," she cries out, sinking down to the floor.

Beyond concerned at this point, Nicky instinctively makes her way over to her hysterical girlfriend and sits down beside her. "Stop calling ya Lorna? That's your name, kid. What's the matter? Why are you acting so strange? Are you tired, kid? Come here," she murmurs warmly against her ear, letting her arms envelop protectively around the smaller girl's waist. She carefully stands up and brings her back to the bed, laying down with her in it. "Shh, shh. No more arguing; it's time for a nap, baby. Close your eyes. It's gonna be okay."

The shorter woman shakes her head with even more rage. Her eyes stare heatedly up into Nicky's, " _I am not_  fucking Lorna. Lorna's a wimp who can't do shit for herself. She's nothin' but an unlovable fat girl."

Nicky takes her head and tucks it softly into the crook of her neck, resting her chin lovingly on top of it. She runs a hand soothingly up and down her back, trying to make sense of what's going on. "No, Lorna, you're not a wimp—you're strong and beautiful; I love you so, so fucking much. You beautiful, sweet, loving woman. You're obviously delirious right now so please shut your precious eyes and get some sleep. I don't want my sweet girlfriend insulting herself anymore. None of that's true, baby."


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter Twelve_

Hours later has Lorna sitting in a small room at the local police station, waiting uneasily for an officer to come in. Her eyes dart around the room taking in their surroundings. Quite suddenly, an intense headache comes over her and the only thing she can do is squeeze her eyes tightly shut for several agonizing moments. Finally, the pain subsides, and she reopens her eyes—yet before she can figure out exactly where she's at, the door opens to reveal an African American heavy-set officer. Concern gradually seeps in when his presence makes her realize that she must be in some sort of prison.

"Ah, Lorna Morello. Glad to see that you've got that cut taken care of; I just have a few questions for you about this morning's incident," the officer kindly greets her, situating himself in the chair opposite hers. He grabs a notepad from his shirt's pocket and places it on the table that separates the two of them.

Scrunching her face up, Lorna stares quizzically across at the officer. "Please call me Lorraine. Incident from this morning? What are ya talking about? I don't remember seeing you before."

Giving a slow—yet confusing—nod to her request, the officer clears his throat and stares at her with a quirked eyebrow. He's not sure what to make of this. How can she suddenly not remember such an event? It puzzles him. "Okay, Lorraine it is. You don't remember what happened? You and your therapist were almost shot in her office by Vincent Muccio—who claims to be your boyfriend? Is any of this ringing a bell?"

"Vincent Muccio," the young woman slowly annunciates as if to help her understand what she's hearing. "I, uh, musta blocked it out or something, I guess. Yes, Vincent's my ex-boyfriend. What do ya need? I'm confused."

The man takes a sip from his traveler mug and lets out a silent breath. He's seen some odd situations in his decades of being a cop but this, this is something all together on a different—stranger—level. "Can you tell me everything that happened? Did he follow you to your appointment? If you're not together, what's the reason for his being there?"

A tense headache slowly starts to take control over Lorna's body; she can sense someone's intense presence trying to push through her. It feels as though someone is literally pushing on her brain. Just as quickly as the pain came, it dissipates shortly after. Her eyes reemerge and stare over towards the man with a strong fear emanate glowing forth.

"Vinny— _please arrest him_ , he-he's done a lotta bad things to me. He was in prison for a month for abusing me, but I guess they let him out and then-then he kept begging me to come back. I-I don't wanna be with him anymore,  _I_  told him that, but he-he just won't leave me alone. He followed me from-from my job all the way to where I go for therapy and he cut my cheek with a knife—he threatened that, that he'd do-do worse if I didn't agree to go back to the apartment with him…"

Writing each word fiercely down on the sheet of paper, the officer nods his head intuitively to assure that he's fully listening to her every word. He looks up moments later, eyeing her somewhat suspiciously. One minute she's questioning what incident he's talking about and now, suddenly, she remembers not only today's but past incidents? Something seemed off about this. Either the injury she has is causing a significant problem to her brain or she's not being completely honest. He can't put his finger on which one it is.

"Oh, believe me, he's already been locked up. He'll be going to trial for this in a couple of weeks. Which means both you and your therapist will have to testify in court when the time comes. I also recommend that you maybe get your head thoroughly checked out—since you couldn't remember right away—you might have a concussion or something from the injury he caused you. Otherwise, you're good to go and I'll give you a call in a week with information regarding Vincent's hearing. Thank you for your time, Lorraine."

Lorna arches an eyebrow at the name, " _Lorraine?_  My name's  _Lorna_."

"Yes, but you asked that I address you as Lorraine earlier…I'm sorry, maybe I misunderstood. Anyway, thanks for coming down here and sharing the information needed. I hope you heal up quickly, Miss Morello."

* * *

Nicky eyes her girlfriend worriedly once they're back in the car and driving through town. She places her free hand over top of Lorna's, stroking it tenderly while watching her with a deep concern. "You okay, kid? Look a bit drained…how'd it go with the officer? Vinny's going to prison, yeah?" Her questions are softly asked as she brushes a thumb gently over pale knuckles.

"Yeah they locked him up but there's gonna be some stupid trial in two weeks and he said we both gotta testify. I think I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and maybe you should too, Nicky. I can't do this anymore," the brunette tiredly responds, leaning her head against the brim of the window. Her orbs become mesmerized with their passing surroundings. A sigh escapes her. She longs to never have to see or hear from Vinny again; she knows there's not much more of him she can handle.

Tightening her hold on the younger woman's hand, Nicky immediately shakes her head while staring across at her with firm eyes. "No,  _we are not_  going to just sit back and let this asshole get away with what the hell he's done to ya! Are you fucking kidding me? Why would ya wanna let him go free after what he caused you? What the fuck? Have you no respect for yourself?"

Lorna bites her tongue, trying to keep herself together. She focuses her eyes out the window. "It's not worth the trouble—going through a shitty trial…and dragging you down into the mess –  _the mess I created_ , it's not fucking worth it," her voice slowly fading into an emotionless whisper.

"Dragging me into the mess? That's what you're fucking worried about? Baby, you're not dragging me into anything—I witnessed what the asshole was planning to do to ya and I damn well plan to make sure he's carted off to prison for that! I don't want him to ever have the chance to abuse you again, Lorna. You are not responsible for anything that monster did to ya, you hear me? You didn't fucking cause this mess, Vinny did and needs to pay for that. He needs to pay for hurting you and making  _you_  wanna fucking hurt yourself!"

A rush of frustration start pull heavily on the brunette. Her hands grip tightly onto the armrests, so tight her knuckles begin to whiten. She tries desperately to keep it all inside; the last thing she wants is to have an outburst in the car.

Nicky quickly notices the anger and softens her demeanor. "Let's stop by the bakery and have some coffee, how's that sound? Ya look you need a good cup and something to eat too. We'll split one a ma's sushkis—I know ya like them," she gently suggests, bring the hand she holds up to her lips for a comforting kiss.

"No food for me," is Lorna's meek reply.

" _Yes_ , food for you. You're starving, doll, you need to eat,  _and you are_. I know it hurts to eat a lot, so we'll take it easy, yeah? But this starving shit needs to end. You don't deserve that kinda treatment—ya really fucking don't, sweetie," the redhead firmly informs her, keeping a tight grip on her hand as she drives in the direction of her mother's bakery.

* * *

Just fifteen minutes later, the two young women walk down the street to the shop. Nicky opens the door, holding it for her girlfriend, and walks in after her. The fact that the premise is empty aside from the two of them comes as a surprise to the redhead; she leads Lorna towards the counter when she catches a glimpse of her mother's red-hair poking into her peripheral vision. Piqued in interest, she turns so that she can get a better look at what the matron's doing and when she does, her eyes widen in surprise.

"Ma?  _Gloria?_  Since when are the two a ya a  _thing_? And what made ya decide making out in the corner of the bakery is the best idea?"

Hearing her daughter's voice immediately cautions the two middle-aged women to pull away from each other and walk over to the customers as if being scolded like school girls. Red goes back behind the counter to take their orders, her cheeks flushed pink in embarrassment; she stares across at the redhead with a sheepish smile. "Since a couple weeks ago. Sorry, girls, we didn't even hear the bell go off. What can I get the two a ya?"

"A couple weeks? Ma, why the hell didn't ya ever mention that to me? I'm happy to hear ya finally found someone to be with, especially someone like Gloria, but it woulda been nice to know earlier, yeah?" Nicky gives a slightly insulted gaze in her mother's direction, her head tilted somewhat.

The Russian matron nervously taps her nails against the register. "I'm sorry, my sweet Nicky, I wasn't planning to keep this from you. Gloria and I just needed to make sure what we felt for each other was something  _real_  before sharing it with our families. Now, tell me what I can get for you and Lorna," she stares back with a warm smile.

Nodding her head slowly, Nicky sighs and lightens her demeanor a smidge. "Guess that makes sense. Well, I'm happy for the two a ya—really. Kinda had my suspicions about the two a ya hookin' up for a while now. So, it ain't much of a surprise anyway," she gives a playful smirk towards her mother and then one over to the Hispanic woman. Her eyes focus back on the bakery's owner. "Two coffees and sushkis, please. Thanks ma."

Red gently hits her on the back of the head for her comment before going to retrieve the young women's order.

While they're waiting, Gloria takes the time to give the petite Italian a concern look over. She places a gentle hand over her shoulder, gazing her directly in the orbs and leads her to a table. "How're ya doing? I know the last time we saw each other, you weren't doing too well. Are ya lettin' Nicky help you through the emotions?"

"I'm fine, thanks. Yeah, Nicky's a great help. I just—something kinda happened today and now she's been dragged into my problems…the last thing I want is for her to be burdened with it. It's not fair to her," Lorna mumbles, plopping herself down in one of the chairs as she eyes her girlfriend—who's waiting patiently for their coffees.

Eyes heavily filled with compassion and empathy, the Hispanic woman grabs a hold of one the other's hands and strokes it soothingly with her thumb. She gazes across the table into her eyes. "What happened? And you gotta stop that kinda talk, Lorna. You are  _not_ a burden to anyone—you didn't choose to be abused. You can't be livin' in that mindset; it'll only keep you from healing. If Nicky didn't want to help you, she wouldn't.  _But she does_  because  _she cares_  about you. You need to believe that."

"Vinny followed me to her office with-with a gun. Now both of us have to go to his trial to testify—that's not fair to her! Why should she have to be inconvenienced because of my abusive ex-boyfriend? She shouldn't."

Gloria's eyes darken; his actions remind her so much of what her ex used to do and that doesn't sit well with her. She tightens her grip on the petite woman's hand, caressing it delicately with her fingertips. "Is that where the cut on your cheek came from? What the asshole do, huh? Fucking little shit needs to rot his ass in prison until his death. I swear if my sons ever turned out to be like that; oh god, I'd be sick. Again, Lorna, ya gotta stop this. You are not the one inconveniencing her; Vinny's the little asshole who decided to follow you with a gun of his own free will. He's the reason you both have to go to his trial. But that's a good thing because now you can finally have him put away for good. Don't you want that? Don't you think you  _deserve_  to have the piece of mind knowing he's locked away and can't hurt you anymore?"

The brunette gives a slight shrug, resting her arms on the table and her head over top of them. She doesn't get the chance to continue the conversation when she realizes her girlfriend's arms reaching in front of her to place her coffee and pastry. Her eyes narrow slightly at the sight of how big her sushki seems to be. "Thanks, Nicky, but uh—I thought we were just gonna split one? This is real big…I can't eat it all," she uneasily inquiries.

"Eat what ya can, baby. We can take what's left home and you can eat it later, yeah?" Nicky sits down beside her, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder and giving a warm kiss atop her head.

Lorna faintly pouts, eyes meticulously searching the Russian pastry that sits neatly in front of her. Instead, she chooses to reach for the coffee and guzzles down a significant amount of it.

Watching her actions brings a slight pain over Nicky; she brushes a stray hair from her face and peers lovingly down into her orbs. "Come on, take a bite.  _Please._  You need food, sweetie. Ya gotta eat. It's not gonna kill ya to eat," she pleads, eyes gazing desperately into the younger woman's.

Sitting across from the pair of them, Gloria observes their situation intensely. She inwardly sighs at the brunette's behavior—as if she needs anything else added to her plate, she thinks. "Those taste pretty good if ya dip it in your coffee—why don't ya give that a try, Lorna? Tell me if I'm right or not. Plus, Red said she added some new ingredient…maybe you can test it and see what ya think it is," she suggests with a kind smile, hoping to help encourage her.

Letting her fingers delicately touch the donut-shaped treat, the brunette eyes it fearfully. Its texture makes her fingers flinch a tiny amount; she can easily sense a difference from the last time she had one. Little specs of a white-powder rub off onto her hand; she realizes the new ingredient right away. "Powdered sugar? Looks like the donuts Alex's mom used to get for us when we had sleepovers in middle school…we'd have them for breakfast, or brunch I guess since we stayed up all night gossiping. Sometimes I wish I could kinda go back to those days—when life was simpler," her voice slowly trails off.

She timidly rips a tiny piece off and shakily brings it to her mouth for a bite. The sweet, sugary, sensation makes her taste-buds sing. It's even better than the last time she ate one. She grabs her coffee and sips it while she still has some of the pastry left in her mouth, realizing the Hispanic's suggestion is correct. "Wow, it's real good either way. But the coffee seems to really pop out the flavor even more."

Nicky squeezes her shoulder lovingly while staring across at Gloria with a grateful smile on her face. She rubs her fingers lightly along her girlfriend's arm, "I'm prouda ya for giving it a try, kid. I know life isn't going well for ya right now, but I promise I'm gonna help ya get through this. Just needa take your time and be patient. It's not gonna be easy but the more you try to eat and share your feelings, the sooner you'll start to heal."

"True words of wisdom; Nicky's not steering ya wrong, Lorna. The two of ya enjoy your day—hope it goes better than this morning and if ya need anything, just give me a call. I'll see you girls later," Gloria smiles at them, getting up from her chair and heading out through the entrance.

Quirking an eyebrow curiously, the redhead stares down at her girlfriend with peaking interest. "How'd she know about our shitty incident? Ya talk to her about it, yeah kid?"

Lorna keeps her focus on the pastry, slowly nodding her head. "I kinda did—s-sorry, I didn't mean to."

" _Sorry?_  Why the hell ya apologizing? Lorna, I'm happy that you felt comfortable enough to talk to someone else about that. It shows that ya do wanna get better and I couldn't be prouder to see that. You trust Gloria, don't ya? That's great, kid."

The brunette breaks off another sliver of a piece, placing it in her mouth and meekly chewing on it. "I-I can relate to her and that makes it easier I guess. She told me she had an abusive boyfriend too, so I know she's being honest when she talks to me."

* * *

Nicky sits out in the living room, late in the evening, with a fresh-cold beer watching some crime documentary when she feels the spot next to her sink in with the weight of another human's body. Curious to see who's chosen to give her company, she slightly turns her head to find herself staring into Alex's unreadable orbs. Quickly, a bout of concern comes forth.

"Everything okay?"

The black-haired woman slouches further into the couch and shrugs slightly. "P and I have been talking—we're thinking about getting a place of our own but I just…I don't wanna abandon my best friend. I mean I'm the one who begged her to move in and now I won't even live here. I don't know, Nicky, am I awful for worrying so much for her?"

Sipping on her beer, the redhead grabs the remote to pause her show before turning to focus on her taller roommate. She places a comforting hand over top of the other's while gazing into her eyes with a friendly compassion. "No, you're  _not_ awful for giving a shit about your best friend—in fact you're quite the opposite. You and Lorna have known each other a damn long time; and she's been through a lot, you're allowed to worry about her. But by moving in with your girlfriend—that doesn't fucking mean you're abandoning her. I'll still be here. I'm not gonna let Lorna spiral backwards, I fucking swear that to ya. She is, after all, both my girlfriend and patient. I think this move will do the both a ya some good."

"I know but I still wanna be here for her—I don't want her to think I don't care anymore. She has a lotta shit to work through and by me moving out, she'll think I don't wanna deal with it," Alex wearily points out.

Nicky sighs, stroking her hand delicately. She shakes her head with stern eyes staring intently up at her friend. "You can still be there for her whether ya live with her or not, kid. For fuck's sake, I'm sure you and Poussey can find an apartment in this same damn building. Yeah, Lorna might think that, but I'll make her realize how far from the truth that is. She's wired to think that way because of what Vinny did. He's the scum of the Earth and he's going to rot in prison for the resta his life."

"Now ya stop this and try to understand that I will take care of her for ya, I mean it. I love Lorna so much, and all I want is to help her heal and realize that she deserves to be loved. She'll be okay," Nicky concludes with a warm smile.

Before the other has the chance to respond, the sound of someone's retching immediately gains their attention. Inwardly, Nicky mentally slaps herself—figures something would happen right as she was trying to convince her friend that Lorna would be fine. She shakes her head at Alex, "Stay here; I will take care of whatever it is. You have to learn to trust me with her, yeah? Especially if you're moving out. If it's something serious, I'll get ya but for now just stay put."

Nicky gives a reassuring smile to the taller woman before heading down the hall and into the bathroom. She locks the door behind her then turns to check what damage has been done. Her eyes fill with a firmness when they discover what her girlfriend's been up to. A sad sigh escapes; she folds her arms over her chest while gazing down at the brunette. "What's going on? What are ya doin' in here—hovering over the toilet? Please don't fucking tell me ya forced yourself to throw up…"

"Ya don't understand, Nicky—I can't eat food and-and this is why," the brunette mumbles, her tone worn-out and drained. She meekly forces herself to stand, after flushing and cleaning the toilet, then goes to the sink to clean herself up.

Fiercely wrapping her arms around Lorna's waist, Nicky holds her tight against her chest as she washes herself at the bathroom sink. She rests her chin tenderly atop her head, shaking her own solemnly at hearing the words that drip from her girlfriend's mouth. "You gotta stop doing this to yourself; it's not good for ya, baby. I know it's hard but ya gotta try. Please, Lorna, please talk to me instead of coming in here to vomit—that's not gonna help with anything but damage your throat or worse," she all but pleads, staring compassionately at the other's reflection.

Lorna splashes the cold water on her face and lets out a distasteful grunt. A frown sits on her face as she takes note of her face in the mirror. The sight is revolting to her. "Talking to you or anyone isn't going to help me stay thin. Food makes me sick. Physically and mentally and I'm so tired of it. You don't understand."

Pressing a tender kiss atop her head, the redhead exhales a rather large breath of air. It pains her to know how deeply Lorna is scarred and that there's not enough therapy in the world to undo what's been caused to her. She cups a hand around each of her cheeks, pointing towards the mirror. "Ya look there and tell me what part of your beautiful face has any speckle of fat because I don't see a damn ounce."

"What do you see? Maybe your eyes are going bad, Nicky—my whole body is covered in fat. Why ya think I had my stomach stapled? I can't keep getting fat," the Italian says, glaring at what she sees looking back at her through the reflection.

"No, Lorna,  _you tell me_  what you see first. I need to know how far you've let your self-loathing get."

Anger bubbles up inside the shorter woman. She sticks up her middle finger at her reflection and uses her other hand to claw furiously against the glass. "A fat disgusting piece a shit is what she is," Lorna snarls, balling her hand into a fist—ready to punch what she considers her hideous reflection. "She needs to die, Nicky. She's worthy of  _nothing_."

Nicky's heart breaks to hear such avid words come out of her girlfriend's mouth. She despises how years and years of living with a man like Vinny is the reason for this deep amount of hatred Lorna seems to have for herself. It makes the urge she has to beat him even stronger; she's just thankful he's finally been thrown in prison—this time for good, she inwardly hopes. For she knows how unhealthy it would be for Lorna to ever have to be pulled back into that man's sickly trap.

"Oh, Lorna," her voice softly murmurs against the brunette's ear; she rubs her fingertips lightly along the sides of her face. "The hatred ya have—it makes me wanna just scoop ya up and never let you go. You don't fucking deserve to feel this way—my blood boils to hear ya call yourself such vile names. Why,  _why_ do ya feel this way, baby? Please be honest with me. I love you; I wanna know how I can help ya."

The brunette shakes her head violently. "Ya wanna help me? Simple solution— _kill me_. I don't care how ya do it just fucking  _do it._  Dying is the only way outta this hellhole life I have. Besides, you and Alex—you don't need to be stuck with someone like Lorna. Why ya want some fuck-up like her huh? What good is she?"

" _Fuck no_ ; I'm not killing you or letting you kill yourself. Dying ain't gonna solve shit, kid. Why are ya talking like this?  _You are Lorna_ —why are ya fucking talking like she's someone else? What's going on, huh?"

Turning around, with her arms folded over her chest, Lorna stares quizzically up at the other. " _I_  never said I was Lorna. You just assume that because I look like her and talk like her, hmm? Ya really think Lorna's got the guts to force her food back up her throat? Bitch won't even put it down there to eat it. Like hell she'd make herself puke," she answers, rolling her eyes in irritation.

Worry creased on her forehead, Nicky instinctively pulls the smaller woman closer and gazes intently into her brown orbs. She brushes a soft hand across her face, trying to search for any helpful clues. "You're not making any sense, baby. How can ya not be Lorna? What the hell? Who are ya if you're not her?"

"How can I not be Lorna? Are ya an idiot or what? Thought ya were her  _therapist_? Don't ya know about mental illnesses,  _Nicky_?"

Taken aback by her seemingly odd interrogation, the redhead gives an uneasy nod. She frames her hands tenderly around the other woman's cheeks, staring her dead in the eyes. "I am Lorna's therapist  _and_  her girlfriend who happens to care very deeply about her. So please explain to me what the hell's going on and who  _you_  are."

The shorter woman smirks while forcing her way out from the other's hold on her. She leans her body against the sink's counter and inhales a sharp breath of air. "You must be a petty therapist if ya can't tell how totally fucked up your little girlfriend is, huh? I mean you've been seeing her for what—two, three months? And ya never once realized she's fucking a nuthouse? Either you're hopelessly in love with her or you're an idiot, which is it?"

"Lorna is far from a fucking nuthouse. Don't bash her; she does enough of that shit on her own and it's all bunch a bullshit. Lorna's the sweetest woman on the planet, she doesn't need this self-loathing shit. Tell me who the fuck you are and what reason you have to hate on the beautiful woman who's body your seemingly trapped in?"

"It's not me who's bashing her, it's herself. I can hear her whispering in her head about how much she wants to die—how much she hates herself and everything else. Can't say I don't blame her. She has nothing; it's pathetic. Oh, you wanna know who I am? Hmm, call me Lorraine. An actual proper name unlike nuthouse in here," the petite brunette smirks, tapping the side of her head.

Nicky massages her temples exhaustively. She shakes her head out of frustration. How did she not see the signs of this? There was nothing leading up to discovering such an atrocious illness she realizes. Her eyes gaze hotly into the other's, "Lorraine? Why—what the fuck? This is the last fucking thing Lorna needs in her life…doesn't she have enough goddamn shit to work through?! Why the fuck are ya here?"

A manic laugh escapes the younger woman as her eyes glare right back with even more anger. She sticks her middle finger up at her. "What a ray of sunshine you are," a chuckle comes out. She rolls her eyes and slams her fists roughly against the countertop that her body leans against. "Fuck—want your whiny little wimp of a girlfriend back? Lemme go see if she wants to come out from her hiding place. I don't got time for this ridiculous conversation anymore."

Orbs observing intently, Nicky's heart drops when the other's body slowly falls to the floor. Instantly, she pulls her up and into her loving arms. She takes Lorna's head in her hands and softly lays it onto her chest, hoping for the soothing motion to bring her back to reality. Her lips stroke delicately atop her head. "Come out, Lorna, come on. You're safe; I've got ya. It's okay, baby, you don't have to hide from me. I love you so much…the last thing I'd want is to ever hurt you, sweet girl."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Sorry it's been a little while since the last update, I just needed to work on one of my other stories first. I'll try to get at least one more chapter up before May, two if possible. Thanks, again, personpeople for taking the time to comment. I'm so glad you like this story so much.

_Chapter Thirteen_

A throbbing headache overpowers Lorna as she slowly opens her eyes. It takes several seconds of rapid blinking for her vision to fully focus. Confusion is expressed on her face when she realizes that she's in the bathroom, huddled on the ground beside the sink with a very concerned Nicky not far from reach. She doesn't remember coming in there—in fact the past few hours have been quite the blur to her. Massaging her temples to relieve the pain, she pushes herself to stand up.

"What's, what's going on, Nicky? Why are we in here?"

Cautiously walking nearer the petite woman, Nicky intently gazes into her brown orbs. It's easy to see that it's truly Lorna who's present right now, a relieving realization. She frames her hands tenderly around her cheeks and takes in the puzzling mien of her face. "Well,  _I_ came in here to check on  _you_. Alex and I heard ya in here vomiting. What's going on, kid? You don't remember coming in here?" She runs the tips of her fingers soothingly around the other's porcelain cheeks.

Scrunching her face in disgust and confusion, the brunette shakes her head furiously. "Why, why would I come in here to puke? I-I think I'd know if I did that. I don't know what the hell's going on…last thing I remember is falling asleep in my room," she desperately replies, gazing up at Nicky with wide orbs. It makes her fearful to realize she's done things without knowing.

"Shit," Nicky mutters, rubbing her temples. Letting out a sigh, she grabs hold of the petite woman's hand and gently leads her out of the bathroom and down the hall into her bedroom. She sits her on the bed and claims the spot next to her as her own. With tender hands, the redhead softly takes her girlfriend's face into them and stares warmly into her eyes. "I think ya might have this condition that I remember learning about in my psychology courses…I ain't ever had a patient with it but I really believe it's a strong possibility ya have it."

"Have what? You, you think I got some kinda mental sickness, do ya?!" Eyes only widening more, Lorna gazes back bewilderedly. A sick sensation sits in the pit of her stomach at the thought of possibly having a mental illness. She doesn't want to end up like her mother—alone and trapped away in some psychiatric hospital.

Rubbing her fingers softly across the frantic woman's forehead, Nicky exhales a deep breath. As much as she wishes she didn't have to tell her, she knows honesty is the only way to help Lorna heal from this. "When I found ya in the bathroom earlier…something was off with ya. I called you Lorna and you said that's not your name—said to call ya Lorraine—"

" _Lorraine?_  What the hell? Ya know when I was talking to the one officer yesterday about Vinny—he, uh, called me Lorraine too and said that I told him to call me that. I don't remember either of those incidences happening, Nicky. Maybe something really is wrong with me!"

"This happened yesterday? Why didn't ya tell me, baby?" The redhead inquiries unnervingly. She wraps her arms tight around the other's waist, pulling her closer against her own body and runs a hand lovingly through her hair. Another sigh escapes. This confirms her suspicions even further. "I know ya don't remember. Lorraine is a different identity than you, kid."

Shaking her head, Lorna can hardly believe her ears. She can't even begin to make sense of all this. "What exactly does that mean? Am I going nuts or something?"

"Calm down, yeah? You're not going nuts. You just have a complicated mental condition is all, kid. It's called dissociative identity disorder—which means your mind fragmented into separate parts when dealing with traumatic experiences. Hence this Lorraine persona," Nicky softly informs her, dropping a soothing kiss atop her head.

"But-but I ain't gone through nothin' traumatic, Nicky. This don't make no damn sense."

Cradling the younger woman's face in her hands, Nicky peers sternly into her orbs. "For years you've been horrifically abused by your boyfriend…how the fuck does that not count as traumatic? He fucking had ya kidnapped and put through some unsafe procedure, Lorna, and you think that's perfectly fucking fine?!"

Tears line Lorna's cheeks, she throws her hands up. "This, this  _doesn't make sense_! I don't fucking understand," she bites, squirming her way from the other's hold and pacing furiously around the bedroom.

Forcing herself up as well, Nicky watches the brunette with an overpowering compassion seeping through her big brown orbs. "I know it's confusing. Please come back and sit down; let me help you understand what ya have. Come on, baby, walking around and getting angry isn't gonna do ya any good," she nearly pleads, opening her arms for her.

" _I don't want this_ , Nicky. I don't wanna have some fucked up mental illness like this," the Italian cries out, hiding her face in her hands as she lets her body slide to the floor. She pulls her knees up to her chest and buries her teary face into them. The last thing she wants is to end up in a psychiatric facility far away from here.

Crouching down to sit beside her, Nicky pulls the distraught brunette over on her lap and gives a delicate kiss on the top of her head. A pain lurks in her chest for the young woman sitting against her; as if she needed anything else added to the mix, she frustratingly thinks to herself. "I know, baby, I know ya don't want this and I wish ya didn't have it. But I'm 99% positive this is what you're suffering with and that's all thanks to that fucking asshole Vinny! He deserves to rot in that prison cell a his for the resta his miserable life. What the fuck reason does  _any_ person have to wanna cause someone so sweet like you any amount of pain, huh? He's a weak son of bitch, that's for damn sure," she all but growls, tightening her hold on her girlfriend.

"It's gonna be okay, kid; I swear I'll do whatever I can to help ya with this. We'll figure out what's causing ya to suffer with this illness and when we do, we can work on getting ya better. But right now, I think it's best if we just call it a day and get some sleep, what do ya say?"

Lorna only clings tighter, her arms wrapped snug around the other's neck. Her eyes gaze widely up into soft ones. "Will ya, will ya stay with me please? I-I don't want this Lorraine person to come back again," she says no louder than a whisper.

Scooping the short brunette up into her arms, Nicky nods and carries her gently over to the bed—laying her carefully against the mattress before getting in beside her. She snakes her arms protectively around Lorna's waist, pulling her closer so that her head is resting over her chest. Hands brush soothingly through brown waves of hair. "Course I will…ya never have to be scared to ask me that, sweetie. I love you so much; I'll do anything to bring you comfort. I mean that. Now, ya close those pretty eyes and rest. We'll deal with everything else in the morning, kid."

* * *

_An early dismissal from school had Lorna joyfully walk up the porch stairs that led to her house. A smile spread across her cheeks as she entered the house in the hope of finding her mother's hovering in the kitchen like she usually did when she arrived home. But what she walked in to was anything other than tranquil. Loud arguing and banging could be heard coming from the upstairs. She sighed, walking into the kitchen and finding a mess of broken dishes as well as silverware lying upon both the counters and floor. That wasn't a good sign, she noted before retreating up the stairwell._

_Making her way down the cluttered hallway, she saw the door to her parents' bedroom slightly ajar and made the decision to sneak her way over to get a small glimpse through the crack. Before she could properly take in the sight, an arm from behind rapidly yanked her away and into another bedroom. The sound of the door clicking shut finally relinquished the person's hold on her and Lorna turned to see who'd forced her away._

_"Mikey? Why'd ya do that? I just wanted to see what the hell was going on with mom and dad!" Lorna threw out her question while frustratingly crossing her arms over chest and giving a hardened stare up towards her brother._

_Sitting down beside her, he placed a comforting hand over her shoulder and let out a long breath. It wasn't an easy thing to have to explain this to his younger sister—not when even he couldn't fully come to terms with it, but he knew it'd be better for Lorna to find out from him rather than their father or Franny._ He _was much closer to her than either of those two._

_"Dad's fixing to take mom to one of those mental hospitals…up north. She's been getting worse, ya know? And he thinks it's best for her to be under constant care of a doctor. That's what all the screaming and yelling is from—she's not too happy with the idea," the brunette teen responded, dismay showing on his face as he wrapped a comforting arm around his sister's shoulder._

_Lorna shook her head infuriatingly. What was this talk about mental hospitals and her mom's getting worse? She hadn't noticed anything wrong with her. Her mother seemed just the same as she always had. "Why, why would he wanna do that? There ain't nothing wrong with mom! What are ya talkin' about, Mikey?"_

_"Lorna, mom's not well. She got some kinda sickness with her mind; she's had it for years now. I guess ya just been so busy with that idiot boyfriend of yours that ya haven't paid much attention to mom, huh?"_

_The younger sibling stared at him in disbelief. She yanked herself away from his touch and glared darkly up into his hazel-colored orbs. "Don't call my boyfriend an idiot and stop making shit up about mom! I would know if something wasn't right with her! Mom is fine and she ain't going nowhere. I'll kill dad if I have to," she yelled, slamming her hands roughly against the bedframe._

_Rolling his eyes, Mikey massaged his temples to ease the utter frustration that seemed to be lurking. He should have known how naïve his sister would be about the situation. She could hardly realize her own toxic relationship yet alone see the illness slowly taking control of their mother's life. "I love mom, why the fuck would I wanna pretend she's sick when she ain't? It's true, Lorna. And there's nothing we can do to stop dad from sending her away. You haven't noticed because you just wanna make believe that our family's this perfect little thing when that's not even close to reality! And ya fucking let that dumbass Vinny do whatever the hell pleases with ya—he controls you and keeps ya from spending any time with the resta us. No wonder ya ain't realized just how sick mom is," he angrily pointed out, shaking his head in dismay. It pained him to be harsh on his younger sister, yet—at the same time—knew that was the only way to get through to her. He needed to break down whatever bubble she happened to be in._

_"What the hell is putting her in some stupid hospital gonna do? We'll never get to see her again, Mikey. It ain't right! Dad can't do this—he made vows to always take care of her, ya know?"_

_With a sigh, Mikey softened his stance a bit and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't think sending their mother away would be of any benefit for she or the rest of them. But what was he to do about it? When Mr. Morello made a decision, no one had the authority to change his mind. He gently pulled his distressed sister in for a hug, stroking a hand softly around her back. "I think it's a shitty decision too, Lorn, but dad already made the arrangements…he won't listen to any of us. He thinks he knows best. But I promise we'll still get to see mom; I can drive us up there on weekends and whenever in the summer."_

* * *

The sound of flamboyant voices slowly lures Lorna from her slumber. Yet, when her eyes peak out from their lids, what she sees isn't her bedroom. A puzzling sensation etched on her face, she pushes herself to stand up and realizes that she is in Nicky's therapy office. With no Nicky in sight. The confusion she feels hyphens. She wonders why she was sleeping in her office or how she even got herself here to begin with. The voices grow louder; she turns to where she hears them but doesn't see anyone.

More baffled at this point, she walks over to the door and twists the knob around to open it. " _Hello?_  Is anyone out there?" Lorna calls her questions out. She very cautiously takes a step out of the room, walking down the hall to search for the owners of those voices. As she comes into the waiting area, she gets a glimpse of a familiar figure sitting in one of the chairs—a phone clutched to her ear.

The closer she gets, the more she realizes that figure is her mother. A small smile makes its way to her face albeit how confusing such situation is to her. Lorna fastens her pace, plopping down in the seat next to the curly-haired Italian woman once she's made it over to her. " _Mom?_  What are ya doing here? Thought dad put ya in the mental hospital or something? I haven't seen ya in years!" She desperately grabs onto her mother's arm, gazing up into her eyes with disbelief.

"Yeah, I'll have to call ya back—I got a visitor," Stansie Morello utters into the receiver of the phone, rolling her eyes when the person seems to take his good-ole-time to say goodbye. Once the call is finished, she throws it in her pocket and shakes her head. "Some people just don't know when the hell to shut up, ya know?"

A small laugh stifles its way out of Lorna. It's the best thing in the world to hear her mother's voice again. She only tightens her grasp on the older woman's arm, "It's so good to see ya, mom. How're ya doing?"

With a sad smile of her own, Stansie places a hand gently over Lorna's and slowly strokes it with her thumb. Hazel orbs peer uneasily down into brown ones. She gives a small shake of her head with a sigh. "Lorna, I'm not your mom. I'm  _you_ —this is all in your head. You got a mental illness…it's complicated but you know all that abuse Vinny put ya through? Well, ya didn't handle it well— _who would_?—and your mind fragmented that's kinda why I'm here and Lorraine. Who I don't think you've met yet," she carefully explains to her.

"Who, who are ya? You look just like my mom— _how can you be me_?!"

"Calm down," the other soothes, lifting Lorna's face into her hands and gazing intently into her eyes. "I mean in a way  _I am_  Stansie but I'm not the one who's locked in the psychiatric hospital up in Albany. I'm the Stansie that  _you_  created to help you through the abuse. I'm one of your other identities—rather an alter."

Her eyebrows puzzlingly arched, Lorna rubs her hands over her eyes and shakes her head irritatingly. "What does that mean? I don't get it—an alter? Those are the things at church…what do ya mean by that?"

Pulling the frazzled girl into her arms, the older woman can't help the small chuckle at her words—so Lorna-like, she thinks. She combs a hand soothingly through her hair and lets out a sigh. "Alter is just another way of saying alternate personality is all. I'm not an altar at the church, silly girl; that wouldn't make no sense, now would it? What this means is that you have D.I.D—dissociative identity disorder—hence why you're here. Vinny's abuse made your mind fragment into different identities – myself and Lorraine – to help ya cope with it. It's confusing, I know. But ya got that therapist of yours—Nicky—who will help ya work through this. Don't be afraid, Lorna, ya needa let her help with this. It's too much for one person to deal with on their own."

* * *

The sensation of a hand gently holding a cold press to her forehead is the first thing Lorna notices when her eyes open. Squinting momentarily from the bright light, she glances around the room and notices she's lying on the floor in the back of Red's bakery shop. It suddenly dawns on her that she must have passed out and dreamt that entire—strange—encounter. Or rather, that Lorraine identity had control over her since she doesn't even remember waking up and coming to work.

"Welcome back, Lorna," a familiar, comforting, Hispanic accent recites. Once the brunette's vision is better focused, she notices Gloria's the one hovering over her with a cold washcloth. A warm smile sits on her face as she very gently helps the young girl to gradually sit up. "Red called me a half-hour ago to come help ya—she said you had some major headache which led to ya fainting. Do you remember any of that?" She softly inquiries, taking the Italian's head into her hands and feeling around to make sure there's no knots or bumps lurking.

"No, I really don't. Last thing I remember is falling asleep last night," Lorna timidly mutters, staring down at the ground. What puzzles her most about this sudden mental illness is the fact that if she's had it since the abuse started—why's it only showing itself now? How did she not see the signs?

Finishing her examination of the back of her head, Gloria lets out a sigh at that. "Hmm, well ya don't seem to have any knots on your head so that's a good thing. I don't think ya have a concussion. But that's not a good sign to hear that ya can't remember coming to work…I think we oughta get ya to the hospital and have a scan down on your brain. To make sure there's nothin' serious going on. You just sit here, sweetie, while I go let Red know what's going on," she says, brushing a soothing hand through her hair before getting up to find the Russian matron.

Lorna immediately shakes her head and stands up as well. Yet, the sudden motion causes a strong dizzy spell to overwhelm her. She grips tightly onto the wall while squeezing her eyes shut to somehow ease the sensation. "No, no, I don't need no medical attention. I-I got some kinda mental illness is all. Please don't make me go to a hospital for unnecessary tests," her voice shakily pleads.

Instantly, the Hispanic woman rushes back to the unstable brunette and grabs her hand to lead her back out into the main area of the bakery. She brings her to a vacant table, helping her to sit down. "Just sit here and  _don't move_ , sweetie. I'm gonna get ya some water and then I want you to explain to me what's going on, all right?" Receiving a small nod in response, Gloria deems it safe to walk over to the counter to retrieve exactly that.

"Oh, thank God," Red cries out when the Spanish woman comes over. Concern sits on her face as she stares out towards the shaky brunette who sits at a table near the window. "Is Lorna okay? I'm so glad you were able to get her to wake up—no matter what I tried, she wouldn't budge. Should she be brought to the hospital or anything, Gloria?"

"I checked her head thoroughly, she seems okay. I told her it'd be best to take her to there just to be 100% sure there's nothing wrong but the girl refuses. She says she's got some kinda mental illness that's the reason for this. Not sure what to think but I'm gonna bring her a cup of water and see what she can tell me."

Nodding her head, the Russian woman quickly grabs a plastic cup to fill with ice-cold water. She brings it back over to her partner and carefully hands it over to her. "I'll call my Nicky and see if she can come down here once she's off work—maybe she can be of help with this."

Gloria gives a quick stroke to the other's spiked-red-hair, "Good call. She probably will be more of a help for Lorna as well." She holds the cup with both hands and hurriedly makes her way back to the table she has Lorna sitting at. Claiming the chair across from her as her own, Gloria hands the water over to the short Italian and takes in her composure.

"Take slow sips, sweetheart—don't wanna make yourself sick or nothing," she tenderly suggests, reaching her hand across to place comfortingly over one of the other's. Her eyes filled with compassion while peering intently over Lorna; it breaks her heart how much the girl's been through just since she's met her—yet alone however long she's been dealing with her ex's abuse. "Ya wanna talk about this mental condition you have?"

Bringing the cup to her lips, the brunette tries to hide her face in it as she sips the cold water. That's the last thing she wants to do, honestly, but she also rather not be dragged off to the hospital—a place she deems more horrific than the illness she suffers with. "I, I have alters," is her timid response.

"What was that, Lorna? It's okay, don't be scared to talk to me. I've been through similar things, I might be able to help ya," Gloria tenderly reminds, stroking a thumb comfortingly over her knuckles.

"I have alters."

Arching an eyebrow, the older woman tries to make sense of her statement. She looks compassionately into her eyes and responds with, "What does that mean, sweetheart? I'm sorry; I've just never heard of that."

Lorna shifts her legs uncomfortably under the table and sighs. "Nicky says that I got this illness that makes me have different identities or something. I'm not real sure but I know it makes me forget things a lot. It makes me even more fucked up than I already was and it's not fair to anyone…specially not Nicky. It's not fair for me to bother her with this or anything," she looks down at her water and feels a lonesome tear make its way down her cheek. She shakes her head solemnly, disgusted at herself for being so weak that she had to make up these other identities for herself—it makes her physically ill to think about.

Getting up from her chair, Gloria walks over to the other side where Lorna is and pulls her up for a soothing embrace. She runs a hand softly through her brown hair and feels her heart burst with an overwhelming empathy for her. "Stop that kinda talk; you're not fucked up at all. It's not your fault ya have this illness, sweetie. It's  _Vinny's_  fault for putting you through such horrible abuse that you had to resort to such a coping mechanism. Nicky, I'm sure, would never consider ya a problem—she loves you, Lorna, anyone can easily see that. She wants to help ya through this and you damn well deserve her help! You fucking deserve every ounce of the love she has for you," her voice firmly assures as she squeezes her comfortingly in her arms.

* * *

An hour later, after Nicky's shown up to collect her girlfriend from the bakery, the two women arrive back at their apartment. Nicky's relieved to see that no one else is there besides them—she knows now is not the best time to share with Lorna's best friend her mental condition. Not when both she and the brunette are still trying to comprehend it. With the Italian sitting silently at the dining room table, Nicky decides to brew a fresh pot of coffee.

Once she has it prepared and placed in the filter, she goes to join her girlfriend at the table. Her arms wrap lovingly around her head from behind and holds it to her chest for several minutes. "Wanna talk about what happened? What made ya faint?" She questions softly into the other's ear, nuzzling her chin against the top of her head.

Shaking her head with a shrug, Lorna stares blankly ahead at the wall. "I don't even remember waking up this morning, Nicky. The only thing I remember is falling asleep with you last night. I don't like this," she cries out, balling her hands into tight fists on the surface of the table. An overwhelming rage begins to boil within her. She wants nothing more than to beat the life out of someone. All the pent-up pain and anger is beginning to be too much for her.

"Hey, it's okay. Calm down, kid," the redhead softly whispers, pressing her lips lovingly to the head that she holds snugly against her chest. She rubs a soothing hand in a circular pattern around the other's head and sighs. It's hard to see her like this and not know what she can do to help her. She's never seen any patients with this condition before, which makes it that much more difficult. "It's a scary illness, I know and I'm so sorry ya have to deal with it. But I'm here to help ya. You can trust me, Lorna; opening up about what Vinny's done is the one thing that can help ya heal from this. It's not gonna be easy but I promise it will help."

"I can't calm down! There's so much fucking anger—I don't know what to do with it," Lorna yells in frustration, pushing herself up from the table. She covers her hands over her face, rubbing it violently. "I don't like this anger, Nicky; it-it don't feel right! I wanna fucking kill someone and I don't know what to do."

An empathetic pang sits in Nicky's chest. She wants nothing more than to hug away all of Lorna's pain and rage yet knows that's not the answer. Instead, she gently grabs hold of the other's hand and leads her into the living room. She sits her on the couch and grabs a throw pillow from the recliner, handing it carefully to her enraged girlfriend.

"Lorna, sweetie,  _you're allowed_  to feel angry. You've had to endure a lotta shit in your lifetime and spent so much of your time holding in all these emotions. What I want ya to do is beat the hell outta that pillow I gave ya. Pretend it's Vinny and  _let him have it_ ," she softly, yet sternly, commands her.

Staring down at the plump piece of fabric apprehensively, Lorna timidly shakes her head. "No, I can't. If I do, he'll fucking come after me. Vinny always fucking wins, Nicky! No matter how much I tell him no, he always finds a way to beat me. It's not fair," she screams, digging her nails roughly into the pillow.

"It's a pillow; he's not here. You don't need to be afraid to beat the damn pillow! Besides, I'm right here—I ain't gonna let ya get hurt. I promise, baby. Just let yourself feel the anger and take it out on that pillow. It's okay."

Rage growing stronger, Lorna decides that her girlfriend's right and gives into the emotion. She grabs the pillow, holding it out in front of her, and slams her fist into it as hard as she can. Eyes glare darkly into it, " _Fuck you_ , Vinny! I don't want anything to do with ya no more. I hope you die in prison and get a sharp knife slashed over and over and over and over through your fucking abdomen and you're awake to  _feel_ it." She throws the pillow onto the floor and gets up from the couch to harshly crouch down over it. Her hands reach for the remote that lies on the coffee table and she uses it to continuously stab onto the pillow—harder and harder with each one. " _Die, die, die, you fucking asshole! I want ya dead_!"

Nicky immediately grabs Lorna and pulls her onto her chest for a soothing embrace, realizing she's let her get carried away. She sits on the couch with her held tight in her arms, slowly rocking her back and forth. "All done now, kid. Shh, shh," her voice warmly soothes into the other's ear, hoping to calm her anger away. She brushes a hand lovingly through her hair. "You're okay; you're safe. Please calm down, Lorna. Believe me, after what that asshole put ya through, he deserves to have it done to him and then murdered but ya got yourself way too worked up over this. He's not worth any of your time. Let's have a cup of coffee and relax, yeah?"

"No, I'm not fucking done with Vinny! Lemme kill him, please Nicky…he needs to die. I need to kill him; I-it's the only way to get rid of this anger—either I kill him or myself, pick one."

With the severity of Lorna's angry thrashing and tremors, Nicky very gently holds her down against the cushion of the couch and shakes her head sadly. She peers fiercely into her eyes, the pain that she sees makes her own fill with tears. "Snap out of this, Lorna. I won't let ya do either one of those. Fuck no. Murder nor suicide  _are not_  the answer. Come on, baby, don't talk like this. You know damn well that this kinda talk isn't good for ya. You're allowed to be angry and let it out, but you are not allowed to go around talking about killing someone—no matter how much he deserves it. Please, Lorna,  _stop_."

The brunette looks up into the other's teary eyes and immediately feels the anger morph into hysterical shaking. She closes her eyes tight and grips onto Nicky's shoulders desperately. "I'm, I'm sorry," she sniffles, curling herself into a ball. "I don't wanna get angry anymore; I-I can't handle it. I won't do it again."

Lying down beside her, Nicky takes her distressed girlfriend into her arms and strokes her lips lovingly over hers. "Don't be sorry, doll. I'm glad ya let out some of the anger. It's good to let out your emotions…but I let ya get carried away with it. You need to let yourself be angry when ya feel it coming on—that's the only way you can learn how to handle it. I promise it'll be okay. I'm here with you; I will help ya with all of this," her breath soft against the brunette's mouth. She pecks another soft kiss over it and pulls her body closer.

"I love you, Nicky. Thank, thank you for being here," Lorna timidly murmurs, burying her face in the taller woman's chest while snaking her arms delicately around her neck.

A soft smile forms at those three tender words. Nicky nuzzles her head over Lorna's and wraps her arms protectively around her petite waist. "I love you too, baby, so much. You don't have to thank me—I'll always be here for ya. I mean that. I'm not leaving you; you're the most important person to me, Lorna—well, aside from my ma of course—and therefore I will do whatever the hell I can to take care of you. Now, you just rest on me for a little, sweet girl, and then the coffee will be ready," she whispers lovingly into her ear, brushing the tips of her fingers softly up and down her neck.


	14. Chapter 14

  _Chapter Fourteen_

Brushing a hand over and over through dark waves of hair, Nicky adoringly stares down at the sleeping face of her girlfriend. Albeit the several problems she's facing, the redhead only continues to have a yearning desire to be closer with her. There's something about the young woman that makes her heart strum quicker. Something that makes her want to spend every waking—breathing—moment with this angelic being in her arms.

A smile sits on her face as she continues the tender motion of running her fingers feathery across porcelain cheeks. Her mood only grows when brown eyes slowly open and gaze up at her. "Hey there, doll-face," Nicky's husky voice breathes softly against the brunette's ear, fingers brushing lightly along her pale flesh. "Feelin' calmer now, yeah?"

"Mhmm," is the petite girl's murmured response. She nuzzles her head closer into Nicky's neck, letting her eyes stare peacefully up at her. "Ya think that coffee's ready? I could really go for a cup right now."

With a light chuckle, Nicky nods her head and drops a soft kiss atop the other's. "We'll probably have to microwave it—ya been sleeping for a good hour, kid. But it'll still be good," she smiles, giving her one last tight squeeze before helping her up. Her eyes watch intently as the brunette takes the time to slowly stretch her body preceding the journey to the kitchen. She deems such actions too innocent—reeling her even further in love with this woman.

There's a noticeable perk to Lorna's step, the redhead easily notes as she follows behind her. It only makes the smile on her face grow wider. She opens one of the cabinets to grab two ceramic coffee mugs and carries them over to be placed on the counter beside the pot of coffee. The dark liquid is quickly poured into both cups—which are then put into the microwave. Once they're both steaming hot, Nicky carefully walks over to the table and hands one to her girlfriend.

"Thanks," Lorna lightly smiles, taking the mug gratefully and bringing it up for a much-desired sip. "Mm, tastes like Heaven."

"Well, aren't you in a chipper mood? I'm glad to see that; you look much better with a smile on your face, kid. I mean not that ya don't look good all the time…just ya know what I mean, yeah?"

Setting her coffee aside, the brunette lets out a small laugh and reaches over to place a soft hand over Nicky's. "I get it, hon. I do feel a hundred times better and it's nice to be able to say that. I should be thanking you—ya really have been a lotta help, ya know?" Her eyes glow as they gaze lovingly across into the other's big brown ones. She caresses the tips of her fingers lightly along her girlfriend's knuckles, a small smile spread across her cheeks.

Covering her hand over Lorna's, Nicky brings it gently up to her lips for a delicate peck. Her heart sores with affection for the young woman; she feels herself becoming mesmerized by her innocent brown orbs. "That's wonderful to hear, kid. I like seeing you smile; ya got a pretty one. Get used to it because I'm always going to be here to help ya," she smirks, standing up from the chair and walking over to the brunette. She takes her face in her hands and smashes their lips together in a warm kiss.

"You're such a sweetheart, Nicky," the Italian murmurs against her mouth, cupping her own hands around the other's cheeks. She lets her lips stroke once more over Nicky's while peering up at her with intensity. "We should go for a walk—the sun's shining so brightly this evening, it's too pretty to stay in. Don't ya agree, hon?"

Pulling the brunette up into her arms, Nicky hugs her tight against her chest and places an affectionate kiss onto her head. She smiles and nods her head slightly. "Sounds like a date, doll. But let's finish the coffee first, yeah?"

Letting her head burrow softly against her girlfriend's warmth, Lorna nods her agreement. "Good idea."

* * *

Once the coffee is finished and mugs are rinsed, the two young women start on their journey through the evening heat. Lorna inwardly beams at the tranquility that being surrounded by nature washes her with. The small gesture of a protective arm wrapping around her thin frame only widens her smile. She hasn't felt this optimistic about her life in years, she realizes. It's a positive feeling and she only hopes it lasts.

Instinctively, her head slowly leans against Nicky's shoulder. Eyes gaze curiously up into the other woman's. "How long ya been a therapist? What made ya choose to be one?"

A bit taken aback by such questions, the taller woman slows her pace somewhat. She brushes a hand nonchalantly through short brown waves of hair and arches her eyebrows as she thinks of an appropriate response. "Full of questions tonight, I see. Hmm, I started my practice up just a year ago with the help of Red. I mean, honestly, I guess I just like to feel needed and being a therapist—I'm always needed so I guess there's your answer," she mutters, her eyes wandering about the streets to come on their walk.

"Ya got a lotta patients?"

"I have a decent amount, six including you. I prefer it this way because I can focus on each person individually," she responds, pressing a warm kiss against the brunette's cheek.

Lorna nods intuitively, her eyes staring ahead at the sun's setting sky. The scatter of colors makes a peacefulness ignite within her. She remembers spending summer evenings outside playing with her brother during her early childhood years. Reminiscing such thought makes a smile form. "No wonder you're such a good therapist," she mumbles, taking Nicky's hand and squeezing it tight in her own.

"Are there any interesting ones that ya talk to? I mean if it's okay for me to ask…"

Such pure behavior has Nicky's heart swelling immensely with compassion. She nuzzles her chin lightly over top of dark brown hair and gladly takes in the scent of her perfume. "Well, there's this one—she's a sweet little Italian woman with an unrelenting love for coffee. Her name's Lorna or somethin', she doesn't even realize how outright beautiful and angelic she is…it's sad to say the least," her voice warmly murmurs into the shorter woman's ear while a playful smirk sits on her face.

The brunette must hide her face to keep the other from seeing her brightly blushing cheeks. "Oh, yeah? Ya got another patient named Lorna? Isn't that something?" She lets a smirk form on her own face at that.

"I'm talking about you, doll-face," Nicky chuckles, giving a tender kiss atop her head.

Lorna sheepishly grins while shaking her head. "That's sweet of ya to think that, Nicky. But I was being serious…is there any interesting patients  _besides_  me?"

Staring down at her with piquing interest, the redhead gives a slight shrug. Such question makes her wonder what this young woman is trying to get at. "Why—think I'll fall for someone else?" She inquiries in a playful tone yet quickly regrets it when she sees the faint horror in the brunette's orbs.

"No, no, course' not…I just was curious. I mean ya probably shouldn't even be in a relationship with me since I'm your patient too, ya know? Isn't that against the rules?"

" _Stop_ ," Nicky tenderly interrupts, pressing her lips softly over Lorna's. She pulls her in for a warm embrace and shakes her head. "I love you, Lorna; I can't help that, and neither can you. There's no damn rule book for being a therapist…well at least not one that says anything about who I can and can't be in a relationship with. We can be in a relationship while also working together as patient and therapist. I'm not letting you go to anyone else; you need compassion to help ya…not some formal woman who's probably twice your age telling you how it's all in your head or some shit like that."

Slowly nodding, Lorna allows herself to relax in the other's welcoming arms. It's a warm sensation to know that a person like Nicky truly cares for her. Aside from her best friend and brother, she's never had anyone who's said they loved her in such a way and honestly mean it. "I wouldn't wanna go to anyone else, honestly. You really—there's just something different about you, Nicky, a  _good_ different. You make me feel comfortable, I guess. I mean I know I don't always open up to ya, but the want is there…it's just forcing it out that's the problem," she truthfully tells her.

"That's a step in the right direction, kid. I know it's not easy, but you'll get to that point. Yeah, right now it seems like you never will, but I promise it'll happen. Patience goes a long way, baby."

* * *

Thirty-minutes of walking through the city has the couple entering one of Nicky's most-favored eateries. A mixture of fresh air and exercise brought famine over the pair of them, deeming it the perfect time to stop and eat somewhere. Once the hostess seats them at a table, Nicky takes in Lorna's entire being. She can't control the amount of love she has for the girl. It makes her thankful that she agreed to take her on as a patient—someone this pure deserves to be treated with only the utmost love and compassion.

Sitting on the other side of the table, Lorna stares back at her girlfriend with just as much intensity. She realizes now how much her best friend was right—Nicky's only the sincerest person she's ever met. There's  _nothing_  about her that comes off as fake. Being in her presence is something that feels comforting to the brunette; she almost longs to be near her.

However, before a conversation can be started amongst them, a familiar pair of women catch their attention as they stand in front of their table. "Funny running into you two," Alex's voice states, a light smirk on her face as she stares between her two friends. "What're ya guys up to?"

"I'm treating my beautiful girlfriend here to a nice dinner," Nicky smiles, winking lovingly over at the Italian. She reaches over to cup a hand around her cheek and caresses it softly. Her attention is then focused back on the couple who's interrupted their date with a smirk of her own, "Where have you two been all day? Haven't seen either a ya since last night."

Poussey grabs hold of Alex's hand, brushing her thumb over her knuckles, and beams a warm smile over at her housemates. "How sweet that is; the two a ya make a cute little couple," she genuinely points out, watching their actions closely. It reminds her of the early stages in the relationship she and Alex started. A fuzzy sensation that fills her with. "We kinda had ourselves a little date day of our own, went apartment shopping and stopped here for dinner."

Lorna's interest is instantly hyphened at hearing that. She quirks her eyebrows up while turning to gaze at her best friend. "You're moving out, Al? How's come?" Wonder seeps through her orbs and then the realization gradually sets in. She knew moving in with them was a terrible idea; guilt rapidly takes up her entire expression.

With a sigh, and an irritated nudge to her girlfriend's arm, Alex looks over at the brunette with a strong pang of remorse building in her chest. She should have sat her down and talked to her about this rather than having her find out through Poussey's overtalkative mouth. "Well, P and I have been talking about getting a place of our own for a while now, kid. It's nothing to do with you, so please don't even think that. Don't you dare think that I'm moving out to get away from you because that's not even damn close to the truth, ya hear me?"

"Hey, no, I'm real happy for ya, Al. I want ya to be happy and if getting a place with your girlfriend makes ya happy then that's all that matters. I think it's great, honestly," the younger woman replies, a sheepish smile on her face.

Alex watches her skeptically, not entirely sure if Lorna's being completely honest about her feelings. She sighs, though, and decides to not question it. Instead, she walks over to give a maternal kiss to her head and quick embrace. "What a sweet best friend ya are, kid. Thanks," she smiles, patting her gently on the hair before releasing her.

"All right, we better go so the two of ya can get back to your little date," Poussey smirks, pulling her girlfriend slowly away. "Don't stay out too late, girls, it's a week day don't forget!" The four share a laugh before she and Alex leave the restaurant.

Now only the two of them, Nicky studies Lorna's features immensely and easily takes note of her somewhat diminished demeanor. She reaches across the table to cradle her hands lovingly around the other's porcelain face. "What's got my beautiful doll all down in the dumps, huh? Could it perhaps be the fact that your best friend's moving out?" She keeps her voice soft so that only her girlfriend can hear her words.

Grabbing her glass of soda, Lorna stares down at it with a small shrug. It's not that she isn't happy for Alex's to be taking the next step with the woman she loves—because she's thrilled for her—it's just she has a yearning feeling that she's pushed them to do so by invading in their apartment they had here with Nicky. She should be the one moving out, not those two she knows.

"Talk to me, sweetie. What's going on in your head?"

"It's nothin' really, hon. Just a lot of thoughts swirling around is all," is Lorna's sheepish response. A smile plasters across her face; one that the other notices doesn't reach her eyes.

Nicky caresses the tips of her fingers along the Italian's forehead and stares sternly into her eyes. "It's not nothin', kid. If something's got ya all down like this, that means it's important and you need to share it with me. This isn't your therapist asking, this is  _your girlfriend_ —who loves you and wants to work through the problem with ya. Share your thoughts with me."

With a sigh, Lorna caves. "I'm happy for Al and her girlfriend…it's just I feel guilty about it."

" _Guilty?_  Why? What makes you feel guilty about that? Exactly what are you guilty about—that they're looking for their own place?"

The brunette bows her head. She takes the straw from her glass and casually moves it up and down in the fizzy soda, eyes blank as a slate. "That I've come into their—well, all of yours—apartment and they're the ones moving out…it's not fair. This is their home, not mine. I should be the one to move out," she mumbles.

"Lorna, come on, that's ridiculous. Don't fucking feel bad for their willingly choosing to find a different apartment to live in. It's not your fault and you are not the reason they've chosen to leave. Look at the positive side, kid, we get the whole place to ourselves now—isn't that great?" Nicky smiles, stroking the palm of her hand delicately along the other's arm.

Lorna nods, still focusing on her beverage. "I guess you're right."

Smile instantly fading, Nicky sighs and gently lifts the brunette's chin so that she's forced to stare at her. Her brown orbs peer worriedly into her girlfriend's. "You  _guess_? Lorna, what's up with ya? Talk to me, please. What's running through your head?"

The younger woman exhales a deep breath and shakes her head, forcing a smile. "Nothing's up, hon. Let's just get back to being happy, huh?"

"Baby, we can't be happy if we're not  _really_  happy. There's something more bothering you, I can sense it. Don't be afraid to open up; I'm here for you, I wanna help you work through this."

Rubbing her hands exasperatingly over her temples, Lorna inwardly groans. How can Nicky so easily see right through her façades? At a subconscious level, she finds that endearing—but now, when she wants to push everything to the back-burner, it's the most irritating trait she's ever encountered. "I'm not afraid to open up, Nicky."

"Then what are you afraid of? It's okay, you can tell me," Nicky lovingly assures, running her fingers softly through short waves of brown hair.

Lorna lets out a gulp, not sure how the other will respond to her answer. "Living alone…with you."

Those four words wash Nicky over with the utmost pain and heartache. It's understandable, for sure, after all that the young woman's endured. She's not entirely ready for that step and Nicky's not one to push. Her hand reaches under the table for one of the brunette's, bringing it over to hold against her chest. She lets her thumb caress lightly over pale knuckles. "It's okay, sweet girl; you're allowed to be scared. I know you've been through a lotta shit and it's scary living with someone ya only known a few months, yeah?"

The other timidly nods, staring down at the table. Sure, she knows Nicky's not even remotely similar to Vinny—she'd never abuse her and continuously insult her the way he did—but something inside of her tells her to worry. Something makes her fearful of being in that apartment alone with a person she's in a relationship with and that sickens her. It's not normal to feel such a way, she realizes.

"What about living alone together scares ya the most? You can be honest with me; I love you and want to help you through this fear."

Lorna folds her arms on the table and hides her face in them, almost embarrassed to share her thought. "Sex," she whispers so quietly that the other has to strain her ears to hear.

Such an answer brings a puzzling expression to Nicky's face. She keeps Lorna's hand held tight against her chest while peering heavily over into her eyes. "Sex? Why, why are you scared of that, sweetie? Did Vinny—did he hurt you while having sex or somethin'?" Her questions are apprehensively asked; she's almost fearful of what the other's answer will be. She silently prays that it isn't what she thinks.

"I'm, I'm kinda a virgin," is her muttered reply. Her cheeks flush a bright tint of pink.

Nicky's both relieved and confused at hearing that. She arches an eyebrow, looking her over skeptically. "Ya mean you and Vinny never had sex? How is that possible?"

A bout of tears slowly makes their way to her surface. Lorna tries to keep them from falling but fails miserably as a sniffle escapes her. She looks down at her folded arms. "Vinny said that I was too fat and ugly to deserve any pleasure like sex. He told me I wasn't deserving of it…but he'd, he'd—never mind," she mumbles the last part quickly, not in the mood to bring that horrific memory to light.

Rage boils inside of Nicky. She shakes her head madly. "No, no, no.  _Not_  never mind; what would he do? It's okay, my doll, it's all okay. You can be honest with me. I'm here to help you," her husky voice soothingly assures as her hands cup lovingly around the Italian's tear-rimmed face.

"He'd…he'd make me do things to arouse him," she timidly whispers, eyes flowing with tears as she refuses to look the redhead in the eyes.

"So, he deserved to feel good, but my beautiful baby didn't? That sick son of a bitch! Lorna, sweetie, did he force you to do this? You didn't willingly want to, did ya?" Nicky grits her teeth to calm her rage. She's just thankful he's in prison where she can't abuse him the way he's abused her angelic girlfriend. Yet, she hopes and prays that his cellmates aren't friendly and do things to him that aren't pleasurable.

Lorna swallows a painful lump and shakes her head fiercely. The last thing she wanted was to do the horribly unpleasant things Vinny made her do. It makes her sick only thinking about it. "He'd make me run on the treadmill for an hour if-if I didn't do what he said, and my hands would be taped to it, so I couldn't leave."

Her answer only adds to the bubbling anger Nicky's feeling. She longs to take Vinny and show him what real torture feels like—abuse him with ten times the force he abused Lorna with. With a sad sigh, she shakes her head and tries to soften her demeanor enough to bring some sort of comfort to the woman across from her. "My poor baby…my heart aches for you, doll. I can't even begin to imagine the hell that devil's put ya through. It makes my damn skin crawl just thinking about it. Just when I think he can't get any worse, he does. I don't understand what reason he had to do anything to you. You are the damn sweetest woman I've ever met; how can he abuse you? How can he fucking take advantage of your precious nature like that? The fuck's wrong with him? Do you, do you wanna tell me what kinda things he made you do to him? If it's too soon, I understand, but it might help you feel less scared to talk through it with me."

"No, no. I-I can't, Nicky, it's dirty—everything he told me to do is dirty and sinful. I can't bring myself to say it. Don't make me…specially not in public," the brunette tearfully pleads, her eyes desperately gazing up into soft concerned ones.

Nicky nods instantly and motions for her to come sit on the other side of the table with her. Once she's seated in the chair next to her own, the redhead envelops her arms snuggly around Lorna's waist for a much-needed embrace. Her lips brush softly atop the girl's head. "I hope you know that you're not the dirty or sinful one, Lorna. You're a beautiful, sweet, and precious woman. There's nothing— _absolutely nothing_ —about you that's ugly or unworthy of affection, ya hear me? You are worthy of so much…I'll give ya as much affection as you need and want. I don't care when it is, doll, ya wanna be held? You come find me and I'll hold ya. My heart hurts so much for what that monster's put ya through—how can he make ya feel so bad about yourself? Why the fuck would he wanna do something so cruel to ya? I don't fucking get it, kid. A sweetie like you had to put up with that fucking asshole for god-only-knows how long, it's not right. He just better be thanking his lucky stars that he's locked away in prison where I can't fucking hurt him!"

* * *

The next afternoon has Lorna helping Red place a fresh batch of pastries out on the shelves in the bakery. She watches intently as the Russian baker places them in a neat fashion, row after row, and tries her best to mimic her pattern. Keeping busy with the task assists in stopping her mind from wandering how the trial will fare that evening. It's not something she wants to think about. Just the thought has her stomach churning with nerves.

"Looks beautiful," the Russian accent is enough to distract Lorna from what's swirling around in her head. Red smiles at the divine looking pastry she and her employee have mustered up. Her eyes slowly glance over at the unusually quiet brunette. An eyebrow arches wonderingly, "What's got you so quiet, huh? Daydreaming?"

Lorna plasters a bright smile on her face and nods fervently. "Just thinking about how lucky I am to have Nicky and this great job. Sorry, didn't mean to ignore ya or nothin', Red."

Not entirely convinced, the Russian woman slowly nods her head. She places the empty trays on the back counter before turning to stare back at Lorna with a warm smile of her own. "I'd say Nicky's lucky as well. You're a sweet person, Lorna. Both you girls are and it's nice to see my Nicky happy with you—didn't think she'd ever find someone she'd actually have true feelings for, but I guess life has its surprises, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Lorna's voice slowly trails off. She rubs her hands over her eyes and sighs. The thought of what tonight will bring makes the pit of her stomach crawling with anxiety. It irritates her that working isn't helping to take her mind off of it.

At this point, Red's certain there's something bothering her young employee and folds her arms over her chest while giving a firm stare across to her. "All right, Lorna, what's the matter? You seem withdrawn and distant today. That's not like you," she cautiously points out, worry creased onto her forehead.

The brunette rolls her head slowly around her shoulders. "Nicky and I have to go to Vinny's trial tonight and testify…my stomach's flipping just thinking about it. I'm sorry, Red. I know I shouldn't bring my problems to the workplace—"

"Uh-uh, don't be sorry. I don't want you working with all this going on in your head. You're that bothered by it, huh? Why don't you go sit down and I'll get you a cup of tea? Peppermint will help calm your nerves. You know I actually used to make that for Nicky all the time when she was going through her heroin withdrawal," Red firmly commands, watching closely as the younger woman does exactly that. She quickly gets to work making the tea for her. Once it's steeped, she carries the cup over to the table Lorna's chosen to sit at and gently puts it in front of her.

Reaching to grab the cup, Lorna gives a thankful smile up to the Russian matron, "Thanks." She sips it slowly and instantly feels a sense of calming rush through her. "Yeah, Nicky told me how the two a ya met…I think it's real nice she has ya in her life."

Sitting in the chair opposite her, Red can't but smile at that and nod her head in agreement. "I'm glad I have that sweet Nicky in my life now. She's turned into such a compassionate and loving young woman these last several years."

The sound of the door's bell chiming has both women's attention turn to it. A smile forms on each of their faces when they see Nicky and Gloria enter through it. They both head in the same direction over to the table—Nicky claiming the spot beside Lorna and Gloria sitting beside Red. "Found your girlfriend wandering the streets, ma, figured I'd give her a ride down here with me," the redhead informs her with a playful smirk as she snakes an arm lovingly around Lorna's waist.

Red rolls her eyes with a laugh. "How thoughtful of you, my Nicky. Now, I hear you and Lorna have to go to the courthouse tonight, yes?"

Sitting beside the Russian baker, Gloria's interest piques as she grabs hold of her hand and strokes her thumb lightly over each of her knuckles. She stares over at the two younger women, eagerly awaiting their response.

"Yes, to make sure that dick-face Vinny gets locked in prison for the resta his shitty life," Nicky mutters bitterly, laying Lorna's head lovingly against her chest. She combs her hand delicately through her brown waves, hoping to soothe away her nerves.

The Russian mother firms up her demeanor at that and gives a slow, intuitive, nod. "That's what he deserves. Lorna's been stressing over it all morning, so I made her peppermint tea to help calm her. It's not good to go into court all jittery and upset," she informs the two.

Gloria feels her heart swell immensely for the young brunette; she knows all too well how nerve-wracking it is to testify in court against one's abuser and can easily empathize with her. She uses her free hand to reach over and place comfortingly against Lorna's shoulder, "I know it's daunting having to face him again, Lorna. It's not gonna be easy but you have Nicky. She'll be there with you, sweetie, and won't let anything happen to ya."

Nodding her agreement, Nicky shoots the Hispanic woman a grateful smile and tightens her arms around Lorna's waist. She drops a tender kiss atop her head and gazes warmly down into her brown eyes. "You don't needa be scared. I'll be right beside ya, kid. I'll protect you, I promise. Vinny's gonna go away for life for all the pain he's caused you. You won't ever have to deal with him again," she soothes softly into the Italian's ear, letting the tips of her finger brush lightly along her skin. "I love you so much, my precious baby; we'll get through this."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I just want to make note (not that anyone will probably care) that this month may not be full of such rapid updates as much as the last three since my family and I are going on vacation in just under two weeks. I will try my best to have two more chapters posted between now and then but don't get your hopes up. Here's chapter fifteen, hopes it's okay. Please feel free to leave reviews; they really do encourage me and I cherish all that I receive. If not, that's fine. It won't stop me from writing.

_Chapter Fifteen_

Nerves slowly creep up on Lorna as she leans her head anxiously against the car window. She watches emotionlessly as the scenery rapidly passes by. The thought of having to face Vinny today—albeit it being in a room full of other people—carries with it a strong dose of stress for her. She fears what he'll do—what he'll tell the judge in his defense. There is no way she can handle it if he's not convicted for any of what he's done.

Attentive to the other's uneasiness, Nicky very delicately reaches over to place a comforting hand over her girlfriend's shoulder. A pang sits in her chest; she knows this is going to be quite the challenge for Lorna to get through and that ponders a strong worry of her own. She hopes such an ordeal doesn't trigger a response from her mental illness.

"Ya know I'll be right beside ya the whole time, yeah?"

Lorna gives a faint nod, not budging from her position. She exhales a deep breath and slowly rolls her window down to let in the fresh air. The warm, summer, breeze blows onto her face and washes her over with a tranquil effect. "I just—I don't know," she starts off, sighing sadly.

Lightly running the tips of her fingers along the brunette's shoulder, Nicky turns her head to give a soft gaze towards her. "You just what? Talk to me; it's okay, baby. I'm here to help ya," her voice tenderly reminds the younger woman. She brushes her finger feathery along her girlfriend's pale flesh, hoping to soothe her somehow.

"What, what if he talks his way out of this? Vinny's real good at making people believe him and-and I don't want him to be let free," Lorna timidly lets out her fears. She's all too familiar of it; the fact that he persuaded a room full of doctors that she wanted to have her abdomen cut into was proof enough that he could just as well convince a jury that he was innocent. The pure thought made her insides churn.

"No chance in hell that he's getting away with this.  _Fuck no._  The officer knows what he tried to do to us, kid—Vinny's going away for a good long time. Don't ya worry about that."

Swallowing a nervous lump, the shorter woman gives a slow nod and focuses her gaze back out the window. The gradual sensation of a headache starts to become noticeable; she reaches her hands up to her forehead to massage it lightly. She doesn't think much of it, deeming the stress and fear of the trial as the culprit of such pain.

Nicky easily senses something's amiss and immediately cups her hand around her girlfriend's face—turning it so that their eyes meet. "What's bothering you? You don't look good, doll—are you hurting?"

Continuing the repetitive motion over her temples, Lorna fiercely shakes her head and plasters a false smile on her face. "Just nerves is all—don't worry about it. I just wanna get this over with," she tiredly mutters, exasperated from the lurking worries. She can only hope that this trial finishes quickly and there's nothing she or Nicky have to do after today.

Caressing the palm of her hand very lightly along Lorna's porcelain cheek, the redhead inhales a sharp breath. She sees through the other's façade with ease but decides against calling her out. Instead, she places a compassionate smile onto her face while gazing gently across at her girlfriend, "It'll be over before ya know it, kid. You just do your best to ignore any looks that vile creature gives to you, ya understand? He's not going to control you anymore. You're the one in charge now, Lorna—it's your say that will get him locked up for the rest of his life."

* * *

A twenty-minute drive is all it takes for the two young women to arrive in the parking lot of the courthouse. The pain in Lorna's stomach only grows stronger now. She sighs loudly, pushing herself to get out of the car and follow meekly behind her girlfriend to the entrance. Her legs tremble somewhat underneath her—the anxiety setting in full-force with the knowledge that she will soon be in the presence of her abusive ex-boyfriend.

Seeing the discomfort she's in, Nicky wraps a gentle arm around her shoulder as they make their way into the building. She subtly drops a tender kiss atop her head in the hopes of easing away some of the apprehension she's so undoubtedly experiencing. "You're not dealing with this alone, kid, remember that," she softly confirms, brushing a strand of hair lovingly out of her eyes.

Lorna gives a weak nod, not sure that will make much of a difference when it comes to facing her abuser. Yet, before she can open her mouth to give a response, she takes notice of two familiar figures sitting on a bench that passes her line of view. Curious to see if it's who she thinks—as they're too far away to clearly make out their faces—she walks over to where they sit, Nicky right behind her.

"Alex? What're you doing here?" She puzzlingly inquiries, eyebrows arched as her eyes gaze down into her friend's light blue ones.

Upon hearing her name, the black-haired woman turns away from her girlfriend to stare up at Lorna with a kind smile. "Ya really think I wouldn't come to give my best friend moral support, do ya?"

Folding her arms over her chest, Lorna looks at her questioningly. "How'd ya know the hearing was today? I don't think I mentioned that to ya," she wonders, eyebrows quirked with hidden interest.

"Nicky told me. And there was no way in hell I wouldn't be here for ya, Lorn. I want to see ya get the justice you deserve. Vinny better be sentenced to the full extent that the law will allow," the older woman sternly responds, standing up from the bench to instinctively envelop her arms around her best friend.

Hearing such brings a warmth over her. Lorna squeezes her arms gratefully around the taller woman's neck, smiling kindly up at her before releasing the embrace and doing the same to her girlfriend. "You're both the best people ever," she thankfully gushes, pressing a light kiss to Nicky's lips. "Really, though, I appreciate that Al—ya didn't have to come just for this…especially dragging your girlfriend along. I'm sure the last thing she wants is to be here. Please, go—I've got Nicky, you don't needa waste your evening here. Really."

"Hey, a friend of Alex is a friend of mine," Poussey finally chimes into the conversation, standing up to join the three others. Her brown orbs focus on Lorna, a kindness beaming off of them. "Being here for you is very important for Alex and therefore it's important for me. You are family to her, Lorna, and she's known longer than both me and Nicky how much suffering this man has caused ya—the least she can do is be here to show her support and quite frankly, I want to see justice served as well. No man deserves to be in society when he can't even treat his girl with respect, ya know?"

The sensation of being shown compassion from all three women leaves Lorna with a renewing outlook on life. She's not used to this, not accustomed to having others care so strongly for her well-being. Albeit the nerves, she can't help but smile at the love that's being spread there in the moment. At least, she knows she has three people on her side today. Three people who want to watch the man—who she thought loved her—get the impartiality his cruel behavior has bestowed upon him.

* * *

All color rushes from her face, however, the moment she enters inside the courtroom and lands her eyes on Vinny. She notices the shackles around both his hands and feet but that doesn't help to ease any of the fear that emanates within her. A bout of relief comes over her when she feels Nicky's hand gently pulling her away and towards a table on the other side of the room.

Nicky very delicately helps the distressed brunette to sit down and claims the seat on the other side—which is nearer to Vinny's than the other's—as her own. A gentle hand she rubs soothingly up and down her back, turning to face her with loving brown eyes. "Have a glass of water. It's okay, my doll. You're safe, no one's going to let him near ya. Take some deep breaths and calm down," her voice lovingly reassures.

With shaky hands, Lorna does exactly that and reaches for one of the glasses that sit on the corner of the table. She grabs the steel pitcher of water, with an unsteady grasp, and very shakily pours it into her glass. Her vivid unbalanced hold causes some of the water to spill onto the table, immediately halting her task.

"Oh, baby, give me that—I'll pour it for ya," the redhead quickly speaks up when she notices how shaky her girlfriend seems to be. She takes the pitcher from her, filling the cup with water, and proceeds to grab a handful of napkins to wipe the mess with. Once she's finished, her attention is quickly focused back on the distraught brunette beside her. She wraps a protective arm around her, giving a tender squeeze. "Lorna, you're all pale and clammy…Look at me, doll-face. Don't think about him. Just focus your attention over here; I'm here, I'll keep ya safe."

Lorna takes a small sip of her water and tries to pull herself together. She sucks in a sharp breath. "I don't wanna be here, Nicky. I-I just, I can't," she whispers, tears ready to let loose from her eyes.

Framing her hands tenderly around her face, Nicky's eyes pierce heavily into the other's. She nods her head. "You're a strong woman, Lorna, you  _can_  do this. I know it's hard being here—having to fucking face a monster like Vinny again—but  _you're not alone_. You have me and Alex and Poussey; we're all here for ya, kid. Nothing is going to happen to ya, I fucking promise. Please, sweet girl, believe me. I swear to ya if he even looks at ya funny, I'll hurt him."

The brunette gives a not-so-convincing nod in return. She instinctively leans into Nicky's loving touch, the only thing that can even begin to take the edge off of her severe anxiety. Albeit how comforting her girlfriend's arms are, the headache from earlier slowly returns and this time with a vengeance. She squeezes her eyes to try to ease it somehow but to no avail.

There's not much time to try anything else to rid herself of the pain as the judge enters into the chamber only a few minutes later. That, alone, is enough to worsen her pain. She covers her hands over her face, rubbing them against it as another desperate attempt to soothe it.

"Court is now in session," the judge proclaims once he's situated in his chair. His attention focuses briefly on the documents that scatter the top of his desk before up at both the plaintiffs and defendant. "The prosecutor would like to hear from," his eyes glance down at the paper momentarily, "Miss Nicole Nichols first."

In any other situation, Nicky would roll her eyes at someone's addressing her as Nicole but the only thing on her mind at this moment is getting her girlfriend's abuser locked behind bars. She gives Lorna one last loving squeeze and then quickly makes her way over to the witness stand. Her eyes easily find where Vinny sits—shackled to the table—and all she feels is a bundle of pure rage. Oh, how she longs to harm him.

The prosecutor slowly makes her way over, standing right in front of her, and gives an intense stare. "You were present when this incident occurred, yes? Where did this encounter take place and, approximately, what time of the day was it?"

Nicky curtly nods her head, gritting her teeth to keep the anger from showing as she knows that's exactly what a man like Vinny wants. "I sure was present. I was sitting in my office—I have a private therapy practice and Lorna, Vinny's  _ex_ -girlfriend, is one of my patients—looking over some documents when I heard yelling and screaming from outside the door. She comes in the room very distraught and inconsolable, telling me that he followed her there all the way from where she works. I'd say it wasn't much later than 10am?"

Nodding intuitively, the district attorney walks slowly in a circle as she lets the words sink in. She pushes her glasses back up over her eyes before moving on to her next inquiry. "Why was Mr. Muccio following Miss Morello to your office? What did he do when he got there?"

"He told Lorna that he would do whatever he needed to get her back. She had a large gash on her cheek—one that's from his own cruel actions. He had a knife with him and used to it to cut into her face to try to scare her into leaving with him. He brought a gun with him and shot down the door to my office and held us both at gunpoint—he almost shot me but luckily for him I have fast reflexes. I called the police the minute I heard a gun go off and fortunately they came before he had the chance to murder either of us," the redhead recalls the events of that day with ease. She glares over at Vinny with a burning passion, watching his every move like a hawk.

"That's all the questions I have for you, Miss Nichols. Thank you for being so honest," the DA concludes, removing her glasses and placing them in the pocket of her suit-jacket. She turns her focus over towards the plaintiff table and her eyes land on the quivering brunette. A very faint sigh escapes her before she speaks up again. "Lorna Morello, if you could come up here please—I'd like to hear what you have to say on the matter."

A quick two minutes later has the two women trading spots. Lorna anxiously sits in the chair, trying to keep her eyes from wandering over in Vinny's direction. She knows seeing him will only tear what little composure she has. She stares directly across at the attorney, her face as pale as the white walls that make up the courtroom.

"How long had you been seeing Mr. Muccio before things ended?" The prosecutor starts off, trying to easily build up to the deeper questions. She can tell it's not going to be easy for this young woman to talk about what happened and doesn't want to jeopardize the outcome of this hearing by asking her things that might inhibit the truth from being heard.

Lorna swallows a painful lump, she grips tightly onto the arm-rests of the chair and lets out a shaky breath. "Since, uh, since we were in high school."

The other nods with an encouraging smile. "Can you share why the relationship came to an end?"

"He, he, uh, he hurt me."

"He hurt you? Physically, verbally? Was Mr. Muccio abusive to you?" The prosecutor throws out her questions, shifting positions every few minutes.

The brunette gulps, tilting her head down to face the ground. She grips tighter onto the chair's arm-rests. Her headache grows stronger with each painful question she's asked. She can feel someone pushing on her—as if there's someone trying to get out and it frightens her. She places her hands on either side of her face, trying to stop the pounding sensation.

Surroundings start to look blurry through her eyes, the words she hear sound faint and far away.

"Miss Morello, is everything okay? Did you hear what I asked?" The questions go unto deaf ears as Lorna feels herself becoming engulfed into herself. Her head falls into her arms that lay amongst the table.

When the brunette's eyes reopen, she lifts her head and stares back at the concerned prosecutor with arched eyebrows. She blinks her eyes a few times to adjust to the lighting and shrugs her shoulders. "What's going on? Why the hell am I sitting in a courtroom?"

Quirking a worrisome eyebrow, the district attorney gives an uneasy gaze to her. "Are you sure you're all right, Miss Lorna? You're here to testify in Vincent Muccio's trial. You said he's hurt you and that's why you're not with him anymore. Was he abusive towards you?"

" _Lorraine._  Call me Lorraine," the petite Italian mutters. She momentarily rubs her temples and shakes her head curtly. "I don't have anything to say about Vincent. He's a good man and he never did a thing to harm me.  _Was he abusive to me?_  The hell kinda question is that—he sure as fuck wasn't. Never laid a finger on me. I don't get it—why am I here to testify? Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

Sitting in a chair right behind the plaintiff table where Nicky is, Alex taps her fiercely on the back—concern clearly etched all over her face from watching all this unfold. "Nicky, what the fuck is going on with her? Why is she telling them to call her Lorraine? Is there something wrong with my best friend that you forgot to mention to me?"

Gulping, Nicky turns to stare softly at the younger woman. She nods slowly in response and whispers, "Look,  _it's complicated_ …but I'll explain it all to ya later. She's got a severe mental illness from all those years of abuse she's endured."

The prosecutor rubs her own temples at this point. This is going to be a much more complex trial than she first thought. A sigh escapes her as she tries to make sense of what's going on with this young woman in front of her. "Lorraine, you  _just_ told me that he hurts you. Why are you turning around and telling me he's never even touched you? What's the truth here?"

Shaking her head, Lorraine smirks. " _I_  didn't tell you that. Psh, I don't even know why I'm here.  _The truth_  is Vincent's a good guy and never did anything to abuse me. I love him and don't know where the hell you got this idea that he's abused me in your head from. But I can tell you that's bullshit."

Watching this from his seat, Vinny stares over at her intently and gives an encouraging nod. He stands up from his seat and waves his hand in the air to gain the prosecutor's attention. Once her eyes are warily on him, he proceeds to open his mouth. "I ain't never did a thing to hurt her. She's telling the God-forsaken truth. Lorraine is my beloved—why would I abuse her? I'll tell you what—it's that Nicky woman, she's just deeply jealous of our relationship and will do whatever she can to keep us apart. She's a liar, don't believe her."

Rage boils underneath Nicky's skin. She shakes her head furiously and slams her hand against the table. "Her name is Lorna—this is all part of her mental condition. Because of that  _monster's_ ," she growls, pointing her hand over at Vinny, "years and years of abuse, she ended up with this severe illness. Lorraine is an  _alter_  and should absolutely  _not_  be taken seriously. Lorna has dissociative identity disorder—she fucking has to create these alter personalities because of how much trauma this asshat's abuse caused her. Please, please, don't fucking listen to a word out of Lorraine's mouth. This man abused the hell outta her. He needs to be locked up."

At this point, the judge has had enough of the outbursts and hits his gravel against the desk. "That's enough," he yells, looking sternly at both the defendant and Nicky. He holds his hand up over at the DA and shakes his head. "We can't continue with this trial today. If what you're saying is true, Miss Nichols, then there's no way we can even consider Miss Morello's testimony. This will have to resume on another day when she can pull herself together. And until then, I'm granting Mr. Muccio the right to go home. There's no evidence proving he's done anything against the law and therefore we have no reason to keep him here. Court dismissed."

Nicky can hardly believe her ears. She doesn't even get the chance to argue as he quickly gets up and leaves the chambers. Face red with rage, she hurries over to Lorna and pulls her up from the bench, eyes piercing darkly into hers. " _What the fuck_  was that, Lorraine? Why the fuck did you do this to her?! You're supposed to protect Lorna not fucking get her into a dangerous situation,  _you idiot_!"

" _Wrong_ ," the brunette chuckles, eyes glaring right back. "That's  _Stansie's_ job. It's not my fault your little girlfriend is too weak to fight her own battles. And I ain't gonna fight em' for her. She wants Vinny to pay for what she claims he did then she's gonna have to deal with that—not go hide in her little safe, protected, mind while I come out here to clean the mess. Because I'm not doing that. In fact, now that he's out, I'm gonna go catch up with him. I always did find Vincent hot."

Before the redhead can respond, Alex comes rushing over and pulls her best friend into a tight embrace. Worry and fury both tear through her at what just occurred. "Lorna, what the fuck's going on with you? Please tell me why the fuck you just lied and told everyone that Vinny's a good person when we both know that's not the truth? I don't get it—you were absolutely terrified to be in the same room with him but now you're refusing to get him put away?" She cups her hands tenderly around the Italian's face, gazing into her eyes with both confusion and concern.

"It's  _Lorraine_. And get the fuck off me," she bites bitterly, squirming her way out of her touch.

Nicky grabs tightly onto the brunette's arm to make sure she's not able to go anywhere near Vinny. She sighs, looking up at Alex who's deeply puzzled. Empathy fills her expression; she knows this isn't going to be easy for her to digest or understand. Even she can't fully wrap her mind around this illness. "This isn't Lorna, Alex, don't take her words to heart. I know it's confusing but she's really sick and needs extensive therapy to get her through this. Lorraine is her alter—a vicious alter at that," she hisses the last part, glaring at the youngest woman.

Lorraine glares at the two of them, trying to break from the death-grip on her arm. "Get your hand the  _fuck_ off me."

"Absolutely not. We're taking you home and you're going to let Lorna back out. Ya fucking just ruined everything for her, I hope ya know."

* * *

It's nearing midnight when Lorna wakes up. She immediately lets out a shriek when she notices her surroundings have changed so drastically. Her body jolts up as her eyes gaze rapidly around the room. The light coming off of the television screen alerts her that she must have fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. A pair of footsteps creaking along the wooden floor causes a bout of fear to tear through her once more. When it sounds close enough that they're right next to her, she feels the sinking of the cushion and lets out another shriek.

Heart breaking tremendously at the brunette's utter terror, Nicky envelops her arms snug around her waist and presses a tender kiss atop her head. "Shh, shh. You're okay, baby, it's just me. What's the matter? Why'd ya scream?" She lays Lorna's head against her chest, stroking a hand soothingly through her brown waves of hair.

"I don't—I don't remember leaving the courthouse,  _Nicky_ ," the younger woman cries out, lifting her head to stare bewilderedly up into her girlfriend's big eyes.

With a sigh, Nicky nods knowingly and brushes a delicate kiss against her forehead. "I know, kid. You had a bit of a breakdown during the hearing and Lorraine came out. It's okay, though, you're back and it's all gonna be okay. I promise, my sweet doll."

Lorna feels an uneasy sensation sit in the pit of her stomach at that. She's not sure she likes the idea of someone else controlling her body—living her life while she's unaware of anything. "Is Vinny in prison? Did they sentence him, Nicky? Please tell me he's locked up," she desperately inquiries, eyes gazing heavily up into the other's.

"They, uh, they had to postpone the hearing. And he's kind of out on bail right now. Lorraine really fucked things up for you. I'm so sorry, sweetie. I tried to convince them to keep him locked up but the dumbass judge claims there's not enough evidence and shit," Nicky rolls her eyes at that but tightens her arms around the quivering brunette, pulling her even closer. It enrages her that this had to happen—that man doesn't deserve to be out in society, she knows.

Lorna pushes herself up and shakes her head in disbelief. "No, no…Please, Nicky, tell me that's not true. He-he can't be out free," she whispers, tears leaking out of her orbs. She instinctively starts pacing around the room, holding her head in her hands as she feels her body lightly begin to shake. This can't be real, she hopes, Vinny can't be out of prison. That's the last thing she needs in her life is another chance to be attacked by him.

Quickly getting up behind her, Nicky wraps her arms around her from behind and kisses her cheek comfortingly. "It's only temporary, baby. Doesn't make it any less wrong. Fuckin' shit doesn't deserve to be free. I swear to you, Lorna, that I'm not letting him anywhere near you. Don't you dare worry about that. You're safe. Ya hear me, kid?"

"I'm not safe, Nicky. Don't lie to me. We both know what he's capable of. He'll find a way to abuse me—he always does. It's just a matter of time. And I—I can't fucking do this again. Please, Nicky, can you kill me? I don't—I don't want to go through this anymore and death…that's the only permanent solution."

"Hell fucking no. Lorna, don't even start. Death isn't going to solve anything; too many people care about you to handle seeing you end your life. Especially over a low-life like Vinny," the older woman angrily mutters, feeling a wave of tears come pouring out of her own eyes. She cups Lorna's face in her hands, letting her eyes lock with hers. The pain and fear breaks her heart. She strokes her lips delicately over the brunette's. "I know it's scary to have him out here again but why should you have to die? You're the one who's been abused—the one who deserves love and compassion. He's the monster and who should be the one that death is wished upon. I'm not gonna let you even think about ending your life, Lorna. What you're gonna do is let me protect you and take care of you. I'm not leaving your side, baby, and therefore he won't have the chance to hurt you again."

Lorna shakes her head, staring up at her with a serious expression. "He knows where I work—he'll follow me there and watch my every move. How can you not leave my side when ya got a therapy practice to run? You shouldn't have to be bothered with this, Nicky. It's not fair to you," she exasperatingly informs her.

Brushing a calming hand down her cheek, Nicky leans their foreheads together and pecks her comfortingly on the lips. "I'm not bothered by the woman I love. Your problems are my problems, doll-face. Exactly it's my own practice so I can take some time off when I want to and right now is the perfect excuse to do just that.  _I want_  to be here for ya, Lorna. I love you so fucking much and it infuriates me that you would ever even think that you're not deserving of being protected," her breath trickles warmly over the other's mouth.

"I love you too, Nicky, that's why I don't wanna burden ya or nothin'."

" _Burden me_? Baby, none a that. You'd never  _ever_ be a burden to me; I love you. I love you  _unconditionally,_  sweetie. I'm not like Vinny, who only fucking used you. My love for you is sincere and doesn't come with anything other than wanting to take care of you and help you get through this. I know it's hard for you to understand that right now, but I promise it's true. I will gladly come to the bakery with you every day and make sure he doesn't come in there. Besides, I'll get to spend time with my ma and god-only-knows how happy she'll be with that. It's a good thing, kid," Nicky presses her lips warmly over Lorna's, bringing her back to the couch to lay on with her. She lovingly pulls Lorna back to lay on top of her, combing her hands softly through her hair.

The brunette sighs and nestles against her girlfriend's warmth. Her arms wrap gently around the other's neck. "I'm real lucky to have someone like you in my life—ya make me feel wanted for a change, hon, and it's kinda refreshing," she whispers, brushing her fingers delicately around the redhead's skin.

Nicky smiles softly, pulling her closer and kissing her on the head. " _My baby_ …you'll  _always_  be wanted and loved. Please don't forget that," she lovingly assures, resting her chin atop Lorna's hair; she wraps her arms tighter around her small waist and pulls the cover up around the both of them. "You  _deserve_  to be loved and treated with compassion, kid. You shouldn't ever think otherwise. I'll always be here to give ya the love and affection you need, my beautiful doll. I love you with every damn thing inside of me and I mean that. I'll do whatever the fuck it takes to keep you safe and away from that vile piece of shit Vinny. Don't you worry your precious little head about that, baby."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'm leaving for vacation on Saturday with my family so I won't be updating this until after we get back. I tried to make this one a bit longer to make up for that. It probably sucks, though, since it's mainly fluff this chapter. There's a bit of smut at the end, which I'm sure is trash (like the rest of my writing probably) as I'm not good at writing it...sorry. I doubt anyone cares anyway, though lol. Feel free to leave feedback on it..really, please?. I do very much appreciate reviews. Don't hesitate to leave one, I cherish them so much. Sigh. Well, enjoy.

_Chapter Sixteen_

Big brown eyes gazing hypnotically over her Italian beauty, Nicky takes in every micrometer of her petite stature. She's never seen a more beautiful human being than the one who's delicately perfecting the pastry display right in front of her. Her head shakes a small amount when the thought ponders to all that Lorna's endured. It doesn't make a bit of sense how anyone could find reason to want to intentionally cause harm to such a woman—a woman who's never done anything but love with all of her being. The thought, on its own, makes her very blood boil.

The sensation of a pair of hands lightly covering over her own two, that lay against the tabletop, quickly brings Nicky out of her trance. She reluctantly tears her eyes away from her girlfriend and moves them to search for the culprit of the gentle touch. Her mother's loving blue orbs bring a small smile to her face. "Hey, ma," she lightly chuckles.

"You looked like you were being hypnotized or something. Had to come check on you—what's on your mind?" Red quirks an eyebrow wondrously, stroking her fingers affectionately along the younger woman's knuckles. She focuses her eyes intently at her, trying to decipher what's swirling around through her head.

Nicky inhales a breath while tracing her fingers along the table's pattern. "Trying to understand how a person can be so  _nasty_  to someone like Lorna…I mean, what the hell could she have done to make someone even consider hurting her, huh? I wanna fucking kill Vinny with my bare hands just thinking about it," she grumbles, gritting her teeth in a fury.

"Oh, my daughter, this world is full of sick people who spend their time plotting to find some vulnerable human—those like Lorna—and use them in such cruel and twisted ways. It has nothing to do with what Lorna's done— _it's all on_  Vinny. He's a vicious little shit and his little cell-mates aren't going to be generous to him.  _No one_  likes an abuser," the Russian baker assures, squeezing Nicky's hand lovingly in her own.

Such a statement only aides in bubbling the rage inside Nicky. She slams her fist against the table while furiously shaking her head. "See, that's the thing, ma—Vinny's been released because the idiotic judge claims there's not enough fucking evidence! The trial had to be postponed because of—uh, well, Lorna had a little breakdown. It was too overwhelming for her—not hard to believe, fucking asshole really did some evil shit to her," her voice bitterly answers, fury slowly getting stronger with each word she spits out.

"So, what, they let him free? What kind of breakdown did she have? Nicky, this doesn't make a bit of sense."

"I don't fucking get it either, ma. The whole system is screwed up, obviously," Nicky growls, gritting her teeth distastefully. She folds her arms over her chest and inhales a sharp breath. "Lorna's got a severe mental illness because of that fucker—he abused her for so long and so cruelly that she developed the most complicated mental condition I've ever encountered as a therapist. And with him out on the streets, I can't imagine I'll be able to help her put this illness to rest. She's too frail right now and having him out in society is not going to make the situation any better for her. She's scared shitless, my poor baby. It makes me livid beyond words, ma."

Red nods sympathetically, reaching to take her daughter's face into her hands. She peers intuitively into her eyes and easily senses the anger emanating from them. "She'll get through this, my Nicky, because  _she has you_  in her life now. I don't doubt for a second that your love for her won't help her.  _You're_ exactly the kind of person she  _needs_ in her life. You just have to trust yourself. And if you girls need anything, I'm only a phone call away."

* * *

The two find themselves strolling through the city—early in the afternoon once Lorna's shift finishes—passing a variety of shops and cafes on their journey. Nicky keeps her arm wrapped snug around her girlfriend's waist as they walk along the bustling sidewalk. It's almost a relief to see that the brunette's seeming to have a somewhat normal day after the recent strand of events that occurred over the course of the last few days. She smiles, brushing a delicate kiss over the top of her head.

"Lovely day to be walkin' the city, yeah kid?"

The sensation of the sun's beaming on her face brings an instant smile to Lorna's face. She nods intrusively while leaning her head against the older woman's shoulder. "Mhmm," she tenderly murmurs, letting the tips of her fingers to brush feathery along her girlfriend's flesh. "This is my favorite time of the year…the warm weather and sunshine, it reminds me of when I'd sit out in the garden with my mom during summers off a school. It was the only activity that would calm my mind—that's what mom always told me."

Nicky gently curls a sparse strand of hair behind the Italian's ear and widens her smile. "Were ya close with your mom? I don't think ya ever mentioned anything about your family to me before. Do ya ever hear from them?"

Slightly shrugging her shoulders, a sigh escapes her. The only family she has these days is her best friend, Lorna thinks. Discussing her biological family, however, is something that proves to be a challenge. "Before she got the real bad mental problems, we were very close…she and my brother were both real close with me. I miss them more than anything," she whispers, a faint sniffle coming to the surface at the mere thought of her late brother.

"I'm so sorry, baby," Nicky soothes into her ear, rubbing her hands tenderly up and down her sides. She inhales a sharp breath and stares lovingly down into the other's brown eyes. "How bout' I take ya to get a coffee and you can talk to me about what's going on with you and your family?"

Lorna glances down at the ground, inwardly dreading the idea of bringing that up. She's had it buried for so long that she knows discussing it will only cause her more heartache than it's worth. "I like the coffee part," is her sheepish response, a half-smile on her face.

Giving a playful roll of her eyes, the redhead chuckles and pulls her closer. Her lips brush ever so lightly over Lorna's as their eyes peer intently into one another. "Course' ya do, my doll. But talking to me is what ya need to do.  _That's_  what will help you heal from all of what ya been through," Nicky firmly—yet lovingly—points out before pecking her once more.

* * *

A half-hour journey through the city leads the couple to a small coffee shop right off the corner of the road. Nicky instinctively holds the door open for the shorter woman, following right behind her to the counter. The pair quickly waits to order their drinks and then decide to find a table outside, deeming the weather too nice to sit inside. Sitting across from her girlfriend, the older woman studies her face intently and can't stop the smile that spreads along her face. Even with all the psychological suffering she's gone through she still finds a reason to smile each day, something that outright warms Nicky's heart. This woman is a special one, she internalizes.

Cupping her hands impulsively around her travel mug of coffee, Lorna sighs contently and relishes in the soft blowing of the wind against her face. She smiles; this season truly is her most treasured time of year. "Thanks for the coffee, hon. Ya sure ya don't want any money for it?"

Nicky smiles back, shaking her head and reaching over to stroke a tender finger along her cheek. "It's my treat, sweetheart. Besides, how many times have ya given me free stuff at the bakery, hmm?" She quirks a lively eyebrow at her while bringing her coffee up for a strongly desired sip.

"You're the sweetest, Nicky," the brunette murmurs, gazing across at her with sparkling brown orbs. Albeit the newly diagnosed mental illness and Vinny's being out of prison, Lorna can't control how ecstatic having a person like Nicky in her life makes her feel. She can truly sense the sincerity of the other's words and that's something she's not always been accustomed to. She likes the way the older woman makes her feel—as if she finally is loved unconditionally by another human being, by someone who's not just going to stand there and constantly insult her.

"Oh, no, that title belongs to  _you_ ," Nicky chuckles, her eyes peering softly into her girlfriend's with admiration. She reaches over to grab one of the other woman's hands, holding it warmly in her own and beams euphorically. "Your smile could damn well blind someone with how bright it is, doll. I love seeing it on your face. My pretty doll."

Taking a savoring sip of her vanilla cappuccino, Lorna shyly bows her head down with the heating sensation of her bright red cheeks. Having someone compliment her is such a foreign concept that it is difficult to not feel embarrassed by such. The last time Vinny ever told her she was pretty or had a nice smile she was a freshman in high school. Ten years ago that was.  _Ten years_  that all she got were insults and verbal attacks. It's almost too good to be true what she has with Nicky.

The silence doesn't go unnoticed. Nicky instantly becomes concerned at the lack of conversing. She quirks an eyebrow worriedly, squeezing Lorna's hand snugger in her own. "What're ya thinking about? Did I say something that offends ya, kid? I'm sorry," her voice uneasily inquiries as her eyes intently search the Italian's for some sort of clue.

"No, no,  _it's not you_. I just—it's weird to have someone call me something that isn't degrading or nothin'…ya know?"

Nicky feels her heart shatter at such a comment. She grits her teeth, fury building at the thought of what all Vinny's said to her to make her believe compliments aren't something she's worthy of. A sigh escapes her. She pulls Lorna's hand up to her lips, brushing them ever so softly against each of her knuckles. "Luckily, I  _don't_  know. It's not normal to be constantly put down and mentally abused the way you've been, Lorna. I hope ya don't think that's the case… What Vinny said— _did_ —to ya, that's not what a  _real_ relationship is like, my doll. Please don't believe for a damn second that my love for ya has an expiration date. I will never,  _ever_ , do a damn thing to hurt you. You will always be shown deep love and compassion, ya got that?"

Lorna nods slowly. "I really wanna believe ya, hon,  _I do_. But it's not easy trying to convince myself that not all people are like him. I-I don't really know what it is liked to be really loved by someone…well, I mean, not in the  _romantic_ way," she mumbles the last sentence, her cheeks flushing another round of bright red.

"Oh, Lorna, I  _understand_. He's put ya through a lotta shit and fucking made you believe what he did to ya was love…he's a sick and manipulative asshole.  _You_ ,  _of all people_ , don't deserve what he's done to ya. But you're with me now, baby, and you will never have to worry about getting hurt again.  _I love you._  I love you with every damn part of me; I wanna just hug away every cruel word he's said to ya," Nicky admits softly, yet grits her teeth at the mental anguish that's so deeply rooted in her girlfriend's head. It infuriates her to think that any person could have the nerve to abuse such a delicate and gentle-hearted woman like the one sitting across from her. " _You'll learn_  what it's like to be truly loved; don't you worry. I have all the love in the universe for you, my baby. You will never go without love again. I swear that to ya, doll-face."

Slowly nodding, Lorna takes a small sip of her hot beverage and sighs. So badly does she long to believe her girlfriend's words to be genuine—she wants them to be, it gives her a pleasant sensation – something she hasn't had in years. Yet, she can't get past the barrier that Vinny's caused her to form. The last thing she wants is to allow herself into another disheartening situation like that. It is not something she can make do with, she knows.

"I needa thank Alex for forcing me to go to therapy; I'da been stuck with Vinny if it weren't for you and her," the younger woman finally speaks up, reaching across the table to place a tender hand around Nicky's cheek. A small smile forms; it's apparent through the eyes of her girlfriend that the love she has for her is real and that's enough for a warmth to rush through her. "I love you, too, Nicky, more than anything. You make me real happy…it's a pleasant feeling.  _Thank you_."

With the shake of her head, Nicky covers her hand over the one that so delicately lays against her cheek and allows the tips of her fingers to brush along pale knuckles. "You don't need to thank either of us. You deserve to be helped, kid. Get that through your precious—but damn thick—head, yeah?"

Lorna lets out a sheepish laugh and takes another sip of her coffee. "I just want ya to know how much I appreciate you, ya know?"

"I get it, doll, and  _I know_  ya do. Now, I believe we had plans to enjoy coffee and talk about your family, yes? Clever of you to try to avoid the topic, though. You're good at that, aren't ya?"

Scrunching her face in displeasure, Lorna rolls her head around her shoulders and inhales a pungent breath. It never ceases to amaze her how Nicky so easily remembers every little thing. And, right now, that's the least favorite trait of hers. Talking about her family brings back all of the pain and grief, something she doesn't want to relive in her current predicament. "Why don't we ever talk about you, huh Nicky? I don't really know much about ya other than your occupation and Red. Isn't a relationship two-sided?"

Nicky inwardly rolls her eyes—another attempt for Lorna to avoid the conversation, she deems and lets out a quiet sigh. "Believe me, kid, there's not much to share. And, besides, you have things you need to work on—talking to me about certain parts of your life is what will help you to heal. I need you to open up more. I've known ya for many months now and not once have ya said anything about your family to me—well, I mean, other than your mom and brother. So, that tells me that you're not on the best terms, yeah?"

"Haven't talked to my dad or sister since Mikey died."

Quirking an eyebrow curiously, Nicky stares softly over at her girlfriend. She runs her thumb lightly over her knuckles, "How long ago was that? How come ya don't talk to them, my doll?"

Lorna swallows a lump, bowing her head to focus her eyes on the pattern of the table. She traces a finger slowly around it as a measure to keep her calm. "I was eighteen when he died; so it's, uh, been a good amount a time… I-I, uh, I don't wanna talk about that. I don't like thinking about it," she mutters in a shaky voice.

A sigh escaping, Nicky squeezes her hand tight while gazing intently into her orbs. "I know you don't like talking about things that hurt you. It makes the pain come back, I'm sure—but Lorna, it's what you  _need_ to do. You have to face your problems, doll-face, or they will never go away. I promise it won't be that bad; I'm here for ya, baby.  _Let me help you_ ," her voice tenderly assures, a slight desperateness hidden within.

"My brother was attacked real bad and I was with him when it happened—my dad disowned me because of that," is the brunette's tearful response; the memory pulling heavily on her heart. It very easily comes whirling to the surface. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut to try to combat the overwhelming emotions she's brought over with.

"Oh, Lorna, I'm so sorry—ya actually witnessed his, his murder? It's no wonder ya don't like thinking about it," Nicky gently starts off, bring the other's hand to her lip for a tender kiss. Out of all the patients she's worked with, not one of them has gone through one thing after another like Lorna has. The thought, alone, makes her chest ache. No one should have to suffer this much, she thinks. "Why would your father disown ya over that?  _What the fuck_? You watched your brother get beaten and he fucking decides to kick ya outta the family? What the hell?"

Lorna cups a hand possessively around her coffee and shrugs her shoulders in exasperation. "He blames me for what happened. I-I don't know. Haven't seen or heard from him and Franny since then. Guess I ain't good enough for no one," she mumbles the last part as she lifts her cup for an extended sip.

Creasing her forehead with puzzle, Nicky folds her arms over her chest. Her eyes lightly squint ahead into the abyss while she tries to make sense of this all. "What—he fucking thinks you planned his attack or something? Are ya fuckin' shitting me? What the fuck's wrong with your dad? How can he fucking accuse a sweetheart like you of killing someone—especially your own brother? Is there more to the story, baby?"

"Mikey and I were just taking a walk through the city…and then, then these-these two guys came up behind us and tore him away—they took him to a deserted alley and just kept beating him. I-I shoulda done something to stop them… _it is_  my fault for his death,  _I'm a damn coward_!"

Gritting her teeth in rage, the older woman shakes her head furiously and reaches over to cup her hands lovingly around Lorna's distressed face. Her brown orbs peer intensely into her girlfriend's, infuriated to hear her insult herself so crudely. She brushes her thumbs soothingly around each of her cheeks. "No, my baby, you are  _not_  at fault for what happened. Don't ya even think that shit. They'd a easily have killed you, too, if ya tried anything and that's a perfectly sane reason not to get in their way. Your dad is a fucking asshole to blame you for any of it! Wasn't it enough that ya had to actually fucking watch your own brother—who ya undoubtfully loved to death—get brutally attacked? I mean Jesus Christ, I don't fucking understand how he could think you're capable of anything so heinous. You stop with the name-calling—you're not even close to being a coward! You're the strongest woman I've ever met, doll. Strongest patient I've ever worked with."

Shaking her head violently, a few heavy sobs course through Lorna's body. A perfect afternoon ruined at the snap of a finger, she silently concludes. Tears pour vastly along her porcelain cheeks at the burning memory of her brother's battered body lying limply against the alley-street. She lays her head against the table, trying to hide her face from the other.

" _Hey_ , Lorna, don't hide from me—don't be afraid to let me see your emotions," Nicky warmly addresses, getting up from her chair and walking over to the other side where Lorna is. She gently crouches down beside her, softly lifting her head from the table's surface and cradling it in her arms. "I love ya so much, doll, I want you to feel safe with me. I want ya to let your emotions out in fronta me, yeah? You've endured a lotta shit…it's beyond understandable that discussing it will likely trigger a response. Please don't shut me out."

Lorna burrows her face into the taller woman's neck, tears slowly soaking the cotton of her t-shirt. A few sniffles escape her. "I, I do f-feel safe with ya. I just—I don't wanna bring ya into my mess of problems. You don't deserve that, hon. Why do ya think I stayed with Vinny so-so many years?"

Enveloping her arms tight around her petite waist, Nicky pulls her close and shakes her head in frustration at her utter obstinacy. She drops a soothing kiss atop her head, running a delicate hand through her dark waves of hair. "You're my girlfriend.  _I love you_.  _I want to be here_  for ya through everything, please get that through your head. Your problems are my problems, doll-face. I can't believe you'd rather suffer than, as you think, "inconvenience" those that love you. Baby,  _why_ do ya fucking torture yourself? Why do ya think you're unworthy of any love or affection?" An ache sits in her chest at the unrelenting self-loathing that seems to fill her girlfriend's head. It infuriates her to no end that all of this could have been avoided had Vinny just treated her with compassion.

"I, I don't really know. It's hard to think I'm worthy of that when for the past decade all Vinny showed me was hate. I don't know how to be loved, I guess. That sounds real stupid, don't it?"

Gently lifting Lorna's head from her chest, Nicky shakes her head and gazes compassionately into her orbs. She cups both of her hands delicately around her porcelain cheeks, stroking her lips warmly over the brunette's bright-red ones. " _That's not_  stupid at all. What else are ya supposed to think when you're only being shown abuse, huh? I fucking hate that piece a shit for doing this to ya. For making you fucking believe such bullshit. You are the worthiest person of love, Lorna. And I'm gonna show ya exactly what it's like to be truly and deeply loved. Let's finish our coffees and head home, yeah? I wanna spend time just holding ya in my arms in the privacy of our own apartment."

* * *

Walking in the door of their apartment, they're greeted by Alex's rushing around the kitchen gathering what she needs for work. She immediately halts her tasks to stare over at them with a friendly smile. "Ya two been gone quite a while—what you two lovebirds been up to, huh?" An eyebrow arches in wonder as she folds her hands over each of her hips.

"We decided to stroll the city after her shift and ended up having coffee at a little shop we found at the end of town. What're you scrambling the kitchen in a rut for?" Nicky smirks, wrapping a tender arm around the shorter woman's waist in effort to tug her closer.

A pleasant smile sits on the taller woman's face at hearing such. It's a relief to finally see that her best friend's life is improving so rapidly. She knew from the moment she asked Nicky to take her on as a patient that the two of them would instantly grow a strong bond. Nicky's good for her and she's beyond thankful that Lorna's slowly opening up to her about all that she has endured. With a content sigh, she reaches for her purse off the counter and starts walking nearer the door. "I'm so glad the two a you are so close. You're great together, honestly. I'll see ya later…headed to work—damn coworker called off so I gotta cover her shift. See ya," she waves before leaving the house.

With the entire place to themselves now, Lorna looks up at the redhead and plants a small kiss to her lips. "I think I'm gonna go have a shower. I feel like I need one," she lightly laughs, about to walk in such direction when she feels a hand on her shoulder halt her disposition.

"Care if I join ya, doll? A shower sounds great right about now…and plus, it'll be more fun together, yeah?" Nicky inquiries with a frisky wink. She allows her fingers to brush feathery against her thin arms, leaving small goosebumps in their tracks.

A lump sits in her throat at the question—a harmless question at that, she deems. The thought of anyone—let alone Nicky—seeing her naked body fills her with trepidation. Vinny is the only person who'd ever seen her in her bare skin and all he ever did was ridicule her body. She's not sure she wants to relive that. "Uh, I-I don't know, Nicky," her voice shakily mutters an answer, eyes fixed on the floor.

The hesitation immediately fills Nicky with guilt. She wraps her arms lovingly around her girlfriend's waist and drops a soft kiss atop her head. "It's okay, sweetie, I won't do anything to ya. I just thought it'd be nice to shower with my precious doll—but if you're not comfortable, that's perfectly fine. Whatever you want, Lorna, you just tell me."

"I-I mean it sounds like a nice idea to shower with you…but-but, uh, um, I don't know."

"Tell me. It's okay, doll, you can tell me what's bothering you. What're ya afraid of?" Nicky's voice soothes into Lorna's ear, her hands rubbing up and down each one of her arms.

Lorna sighs, tilting her head down facing the ground. "I don't want ya to see-see my body and change your-your mind about me."

Such words instantly break Nicky's heart. Her head shakes instinctively; she quickly takes her trembling girlfriend into her arms and smothers her face in warm kisses. "Aw, baby, that's not gonna fucking happen. I love you so much; there's no way in hell I'd ever not. Don't be so cruel to yourself, kid. You're the most beautiful woman my eyes have ever seen. Let's go shower, yeah? I promise you, sweet girl, I will not ever stop loving you nor will I think bad of your gorgeous body."

* * *

Minutes later, once the two women are undressed and the water's running, they step into the shower and relish in the warmth of both their body-heat as well as the steam produced by the hot water. Lorna closes her eyes in contentment that the sensation provides to her. The feeling of two protective arms wrapping around her waist only adds to it. A small smile forms.

Nicky holds her tight against her own bare—wet—body and feels her heart burst with both adoration and heartache for the woman she loves. It shocks her to see how thin she is—to see her skin barely covering her bones. Reality feels like a punch to the gut. She knows this means that she has to try even harder to get Lorna to eat more. There's no way she can keep going like this, not if she wants to live.

" _My baby_ ," she whispers delicately into the brunette's ear, stroking her hands along her sides. Her fingers draw small circles around Lorna's soft flesh. She pulls her closer so that her back is pressed up against her front and nuzzles her head over the other's. "You're beautiful, absolutely beautiful. How can anyone wanna hurt you? My Lorna."

The sensation of Nicky's bare body against her own is the most amazing thing Lorna's ever experienced. It's natural, it feels like they belong together. Something she never felt with Vinny. Being with him—in any intimate way—always made her uncomfortable and awkward. But having Nicky's arms around her and leaning on her feels like complete Heaven. She closes her eyes in the hopes of furthering such.

"I love you," she lightly whispers, cuddling closer to the warmth Nicky's body provides her with. A warm smile makes its way to her face. "Do you, do you really think I'm beautiful, Nicky? My body—it's not too hideous for ya?"

Sighing, Nicky slowly turns Lorna around so that their eyes are met with one another. She shakes her head slowly, cupping her hands lovingly around each of her cheeks and pecks her lips delicately. " _You're gorgeous_ , baby.  _I know so._  Your body is precious just like your sweet personality, Lorna. Please don't doubt yourself or my sincerity. I know it's difficult but ya gotta try. I love you too, doll-face, so fucking much," her breath hot against the brunette's lips. She runs her thumb lightly across her forehead, smiling lovingly at her.

Cheeks red and hot, Lorna sheepishly smiles back. "Thanks," she murmurs, pressing a fierce kiss back while snaking her arms tight around her neck.

"You never have to thank me for telling you the truth, sweet girl. I love you. I like to see you feel good about yourself. You fucking deserve to be happy with who ya are, sweetie. However, I do really think ya needa try to eat more…ya gotta put some more meat on your bones, yeah? Baby, I'm not saying this to hurt you—I'm saying this because I love you with every cell in my body and I want you to be healthy. Please, Lorna, don't take this the wrong way.  _It does not_  take away from how beautiful you are. Ya just need to put on a couple pounds, yeah?"

The smile quickly fades at the suggestion. Lorna pulls away from her and steps out of the shower. She grabs her towel, wrapping it tight around her body. Tears line her eyes at the words that just spilled out of her girlfriend's mouth. She shakes her head dejectedly. "I-I knew it," she angrily whispers, " _I knew_  this wasn't a good idea, Nicky."

Nicky immediately shuts off the water and follows hurriedly behind her distressed girlfriend. Compassion fills her eyes. She sighs, inwardly scolding herself for ruining the moment. Her arms grab Lorna before she can leave and envelop tight around her waist. "Baby,  _please_ —don't do this. I'm not saying this shit to hurt you, I promise. I love you so much, doll, I want you to live for a very long time. But you're so thin and-and if ya keep starving yourself, sweet girl, you're not gonna survive as long as I'd like. Please, ya have to understand what I'm saying. You have to let me help you with this, yeah?"

"My body's ugly is what you're implying, I see," Lorna mutters, pushing her way out of her arms and leaving the bathroom to go to her room.

Rubbing her temples, Nicky inhales a large breath before following the shorter woman's footsteps. When she walks in her girlfriend's bedroom and catches sight of her, everything in her shatters. She quickly walks over to where the brunette lies—curled into herself in the corner of the room by the tall mirror—and pulls her softly into her arms.

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Lorna. Your body is beautiful, doll, and that's why you need to take care of it and eat more. You can't fucking go on like this anymore, sweetheart. You're only damaging yourself," she whispers, brushing a strand of hair lovingly behind her ear. Her big brown eyes gaze tenderly down into the Italian's; she takes her face into her hands and brushes their lips softly together. "Can I make love to ya, kid? I want you to know just how much I love you. I want you to feel my love—exactly what you deserve."

Lorna slightly gulps at the other's question. The thought of sex utterly terrifies her. She timidly looks up into the redhead's soft orbs with apprehension. "I-I, uh, I guess. If ya wanna, ya know."

Shaking her head, Nicky holds her chin with her hand. "I would love to but only if you want me to, baby. You tell me what you want, yeah? This is about you."

"You, you won't hurt me, will you?"

"Oh, Lorna, of course not. I will only show you love and tenderness," Nicky whispers warmly over her lips, stroking her fingertips across the sides of her face. Her eyes gaze lovingly into the brunette's. "You're my baby, I'd never do a thing to cause ya harm. I just wanna make ya feel good—you deserve to be touched and stroked, sweet girl. But only if ya want that."

With a shaky sigh, Lorna slowly nods her head. "I'll give it a try. But I ain't never had sex before so I don't know what to do, hon," she nervously fumbles out.

Standing up, Nicky pulls her girlfriend with her and carefully leads her to the bed. She very gently lays her against the plush mattress, getting in beside her. A soft smile makes its way to her face as she lightly shakes her head. "It's okay, kid. You don't gotta do a thing. I'm making love to you. You need to be pleasured, my sweet girl. I've had the experience before, so I can wait but you—precious Lorna—you've been deprived of feeling good and that's a crime," she breathes softly over top of the other's mouth.

With caution, the redhead very gently situates herself on top of Lorna—her legs resting on either side of her petite body. She smiles warmly down at the woman she loves and runs a hand lightly around her face, moving strands of hair softly away from her eyes. "I'll show ya what real love is like, my doll, don't you worry. You'll feel like a whole new person after this," her voice warmly murmurs as she quite gradually moves her hand down her face to her neck and strokes soft circles around the exposed flesh.

Such tender touches overwhelm Lorna's body in an euphoric sensation. She reaches down to place her hands over the ones that caress so delicately around her neck. Her eyes gently shut to aide in sharpening the jubilation that emanates within.

Nicky smiles at the sight of her girlfriend's pleasurable expression. The gentle hands on her own triggers her to switch the order of them in order for she to be able to stroke her thumbs over each of her knuckles. A few seconds after that, she moves her hands to the towel that covers over Lorna's mid-section and slowly unwraps it from her body. Her hands begin to lightly caress around her pale skin. She bends her head down to press soft kisses all along her abdomen and chest.

She traces a thumb lightly down her body and stopping right at the tip of her thighs. With delicate hands, she very gently begins to massage the flesh of both Lorna's upper legs—gradually edging closer and closer towards her genital region. Her eyes momentarily gaze up at the other's face, taking notice of the tension slowly building in her mien. The smile on her own widens at the sight. She rubs her hand lightly around the lower portion of her abdomen right above her genitalia.

Lorna shuts her eyes tight; the sensation of Nicky's hands rubbing her skin causes soft pleasurable tingles to tear through her lower region—something she's never experienced before. She balls her hands into fists at her sides, biting the inside of her mouth as the tingles gradually get stronger.

Finally, Nicky decides it's time to give her girlfriend the proper touch a woman like her deserves. Slowly and gently, she brushes her fingers down towards the opening of Lorna's genital and leisurely inserts them into the hole. She strokes the inside of her with a delicacy she hopes will induce a nice yet steady orgasm. When she hears a small whimper escape the younger girl's mouth, she smiles and picks up the pace a tad—stroking a bit more rigorously around her delicate parts.

A strong wave of pleasure courses sharply through Lorna's body—one that's even more intense than the tingles she felt only minutes ago. She grips her hands tightly against the sheets beneath her and lets out several soft moans. This is certainly a foreign sensation, an amazing one at that, she thinks. For several seconds the feeling lasts and once it ends, she already craves for more.

Nicky easily notices the desperation on her girlfriend's face and smirks. However, she gives in and reinserts her fingers, this time rubbing the inside of her faster and harder. It gives her pleasure to see how much enjoyment Lorna's getting out of this. She keeps at the stroking until another round of moans come out of the brunette's mouth. This time, once the sensation has dissipated, she removes her fingers and lays back against the mattress beside her. She encircles Lorna softly in her arms, kissing the top of her head affectionately.

"How'd ya like that, baby?"

Instinctively cuddling closer to Nicky's bare and warm body, Lorna smiles. "Best thing I've ever experienced. That felt like I died and went to Heaven. What do they call that ticklish sensation?"

Quirking an inquisitive eyebrow, Nicky scoops her closer and lays the brunette's head softly onto her chest. She drops a kiss atop her head, stroking a hand lovingly through disheveled hair. "That, my sweet doll, is an orgasm. How could ya not have heard of that term?"

"Well, I mean, I was a virgin—what do ya expect, Nicky?"

Chuckling, the redhead nuzzles her chin against the top of her girlfriend's head and feels a small yawn escape. "I guess ya make a good point there, doll. Mmm," she sleepily murmurs, wrapping her arms even tighter around Lorna's small waist. Her hands reach down to grab hold of the sheet and pull it up to cover around the pair of them. Stroking a hand softly through her brown hair, Nicky tiredly smiles and cuddles her head against the other's. "I love you so much. Let's get some sleep, baby, I'm exhausted."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I should mention that there is some graphic depictions of forced sexual acts.
> 
> Author's Note: I'm really sorry for the late update - it took a while to get back into my writing mood after coming back from vacation. Can't believe it's over already. Anyway, hope this chapter's okay. I'm sorry it's full of so much bleh...but next chapter will have some more action.

_Chapter Seventeen_

Early the following morning, Nicky lays silently in bed with Lorna sprawled serenely tucked into her chest. A smile instantly spreads across her face at such a tranquil sight. She tucks a few strands of hair delicately around each one of her ears while pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. Holding the brunette in her arms gives her quite the warming sensation. She's never imagined that she would find a woman to love this much—especially not a patient.

Peaceful moments ware on before Nicky's met with the gentle fluttering of her lover's innocent orbs. The smile on her face only widens at the angelic sight. She brushes the tips of her fingers lightly across her forehead. "Good morning, my gorgeous doll. Ya sleep well, yeah?" Her husky voice inquiries softly as she continues the gentle motion around the other's flesh.

"Morning," is Lorna's sleepy response, eyes very gently staring back up at the taller woman with a slight sparkle seeping through. She nuzzles her face against the warmth that radiates from her girlfriend's neck, stroking the tips of her fingers lightly along it. "Haven't slept that good in a long time, hon. I love you."

Hearing that only amplifies the redhead's beaming grin. "I'm glad to hear that, kid. I love ya too," she whispers hotly against Lorna's ear, wrapping her arms tighter around her waist. Delicately, she presses her forehead over top of the younger woman's and gives a soft peck to her lips.

Smiling right back, the brunette drapes her arms lightly around her neck and peers lovingly up at her. "How long ya been up, Nicky? Coulda woken me up instead of just layin' here bored stiff I'm sure."

"Long enough to have time to watch my beautiful girlfriend sleep so soundly," Nicky tenderly smirks, cupping a hand around her cheek. She brushes her lips once more over her girlfriend's, gazing warmly down into her sparkling dark orbs, "No, my doll, ya needed the sleep and besides I enjoy having the pleasure of staring at your angelic face. I could stare at it all day, baby." Her fingers trace ever so lightly along the curve of Lorna's jawline.

The tender—meaningful—words only brighten the smile on Lorna's face. Her cheeks blush a dark shade of pink, almost red. She very lightly lifts her head to peck a soft kiss over the older woman's lips. Eyes gaze longingly up into bigger ones. "Ya really good at pretending you're some toughie, ya know that?" A faint giggle escapes her as she strokes her fingers feathery across her girlfriend's face.

Nicky's insides melt at the sound of such a delicate laugh. She only manages to pull the younger girl closer, leaning her forehead warmly atop hers. "I  _am_  tough," her breath hot against Lorna's lips, a faint smirk on her face as she peers directly into her dark orbs. "What're ya tryna say, kid? Huh? Think you're my weakness or somethin', ay?"

" _Am I_?" Lorna inquiries, inwardly shocked at her own wittiness. She quirks a playful eyebrow, however, and softly cradles her hands around the other's head. Her lips linger warmly over Nicky's, a peculiar smirk appearing on her face.

Such astounding actions take Nicky by surprise—it's alluring to see Lorna behave in this type of frisky manner. A smirk of her own forms as she reaches up to take her head into her hands. She rests her forehead onto the Italian's, letting their lips gently brush together. "I believe you may just be exactly that— _my weakness_ ," her husky voice murmurs breathily over her girlfriend's mouth.

"A beautiful," she hums, lips pressing delicately over the lobe of Lorna's ear, "sweet," her lips move to the corner of her neck and nibble very softly against the flesh, "angelic  _weakness_."

Lorna squeezes her eyes to strengthen the pleasure. The smile on her face only continues to grow stronger. "I-I ain't never experienced nothing like this before," she whispers, nuzzling her face into the redhead's rhythmically-beating chest. Softly, she lets her lips brush against the tender flesh beneath her.

Letting out a warm breath, Nicky gives a slow nod in response. She cradles the smaller woman's head tight against her heart while brushing her hands delicately through her brown waves. "I know, baby, and that's just a damn crime. You, of all people, deserve to be touched and stroked in only the most loving way imaginable," her eyes melt compassionately down into Lorna's, fingers caressing the rim of her cheek.

"I love you," the Italian murmurs with closed eyes, lips pressing against warm skin.

Gazing softly into brown orbs, the redhead lightly lifts her chin so that their mouths are pressed together in a fierce kiss. "I love you too, my doll, with every damn bone in my body."

* * *

_"I love you, Lorna," Vinny's rough voice echoed in the barren bedroom. He yanked her a bit too harshly off of the bed and into his fierce hold, eyes piercing down into pained ones. "What do ya say we have some fun, huh?"_

_Lorna tried to keep herself from unintentionally squirming underneath his touch. Lately, she found his arms revolting to be in. They were so large and muscular that it made her feel physically ill to have them in such a close proximity to her own smaller body. She half-quirked an eyebrow, eyes gazing uneasily up at the man who claimed to 'love' her. "What, uh, do ya have in mind?"_

_The question caused a light chuckle to escape the man. He pinned her between the carpet and himself, eyes darkly salivating over her petite frame. A smirk quickly took up form on his olive-toned face. "You think I'd have sex with ya, is that what you're getting all flushed for?" A hand was run down the curve of her blushing cheek. He shook his head gruffly._

_Swallowing uncomfortably, Lorna felt her hands grip anxiously onto the sides of her floral dress. On one hand, the utter thought of sex petrified her—she'd never even made it past the kissing stages with her boyfriend of three years—but on the other, she had a longing to experience the sensation everyone in her junior year raved about._

_"I-I mean—everyone else is doin' it," was her soft murmur, eyes staring trance-like ahead at the blank walls that make up the room. A small gulp escaped her, she exhaled a deep—shaky—breath. "And, I mean, we love each other…don't, don't we?"_

_"You want to have sex?" Vinny chuckled, eyebrows quirked with piquing interest. He almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lorna was the last woman he thought would ever even ponder over the possibility of engaging in such an intimate act._

_Lorna gave a slight shrug. She took another hard swallow and yearned secretly to pull away from his touch. It wasn't something she wanted to do—at least not with Vinny—but she sensed it might be the only way for them to ever move past the hostility that seemed to be slowly forming. "Isn't that what people do when they love each other?"_

_The burly man bellowed out a snicker, picking his girlfriend up off the floor and pulling her along towards the bed. Once he had her laid out against the merely worn-out mattress, he hovered over her with a tight hold—not too hard that it caused pain but enough to keep her from leaving the situation. "_ Do you _love me? You never say it back, Lorna. Why should I let you experience the pleasure of sex when ya can't even fucking say those three words back to me?" His dark brown eyes pierced heavily down into the smaller teen's, searching for any signs of deceit._

_"Course, course I do," she muttered softly. Though, deep down, she was not really sure whether she said it because she meant it or to appease Vinny. From a young age, Lorna learned that lying to people was always a better alternative than to hurt their feelings. She lived by this self-made rule ever since then. She couldn't keep track of how many lies she'd fed to Vinny at that point. Far too many, she knew._

_Shaking his head with a building irritancy, Vinny forcefully grabbed his girlfriends head in his hands and glared madly into her doe-brown orbs. "Ya what? See what I fucking mean—how hard is it to say that you love me? What the fuck? Unless you really don't…and if that's the case, we'll never have sex. So either ya get over your fucked-up shyness or tell me the damn truth," he spat, not even taking notice of his nails digging deeper into Lorna's rosy cheeks—leaving behind faint prints._

_"I do love, love, you," Lorna meekly croaked out._

_"Yeah?" His eyebrow quirked ponderously. "Show me then. Fuck me, Lorna, and then I'll know exactly how much ya fucking love me."_

_Closing her eyes to stop her racing mind, she sucked in a sharp breath of air. Sometimes she loathed her people-pleasing trait with a passion. Now was certainly one of those times, she grimaced. She had not the first clue on how to perform any sort of sexual acts and the thought alone had her stomach flipping about inside of her._

_"What do ya mean fuck you?"_

_Vinny rolled his eyes and pushed her further into the mattress. "Fuck me is slang for sex, ya idiot. Are ya really that much of an airhead?"_

_Freeing herself from his tight hold, she shook her head and peered distastefully up into his eyes. Slight pain seeped through her own at his insults. She was getting tired of those antics of his; their relationship really seemed to be sliding down a bumpy road that she wasn't sure had an end. "Could ya not call me names? I've never had sex before…what do ya expect, Vince?"_

_"It's not my fault you're such an incompetent fool. Now, if ya really love me then I want you to_ show  _me."_

_Lorna inwardly gulped. She slowly paced around the room, pondering whether she should go through with this or not. On the inside, she couldn't stand the idea of having to arouse him. It made her organs twist and churn; her heart-rate began to increase rapidly. "How, how do I show you? What do ya want me to do?"_

_A smirk forming at the question, Vinny rubbed his hands together ecstatically. He got up from the bed and walked over to where the shorter brunette stood—grabbing her by the hand to yank her back over to it. "Ya ever seen a guy's dick before?"_

_The question brought an ill-borne sensation over her. She rapidly shook her head in response, eyes widening when she felt her hands being placed over his jean's zipper. Her hands soaked with sweat at what could possibly be about to take place. "N-no," her voice squeaked out, nerves and anxiety starting to come to the surface._

_"Hmm, we'll just have to change that," he tauntingly retorted while forcing Lorna's hand to undo the zipper. His brown irises met with hers, a lust very evidently shinning through. He smirked and pointed down at his pants. "Well, take them off—would ya?"_

_With a strong amount of reluctance, Lorna nodded and petrifyingly did what was asked of her. She gulped at the sight of his hair-covered olive-skinned legs. Her mind raced with puzzling views. She thought having sex with the person she loved was supposed to be something she cherished and wanted to do—but only staring at her boyfriend's bare legs and bulging boxers made her gut churn. It was then that she came to the realization that maybe she really hadn't been in love with him. Surely, if she were, she wouldn't be so disturbed by what he was having her do. She wouldn't want to vomit at the sight of his genitals._

_"Underwear comes off too, dipshit," the man grunted, taking control of her hands once more. He forced them to slowly pull the cotton material down along his bare thighs that revealed his manhood. He easily smirked at the sensation of her quivering hands against his bare flesh. "Scared of a dick, are ya? Better get over that if ya wanna prove that you love me."_

_Lorna swallowed hard and bit her tongue to keep her emotions in check. The sight of it made her nauseous. It was repulsive. "I don't—what am I supposed to do? How does this prove that I love ya?"_

_"As you said, people who love each other have sex. So if ya love me, you'll do what I want. I want you to put your hands on it and stroke it," he demanded, eyes lustfully landing on hers. He watched intently as she very timidly moved her hands closer to his protruding shaft. It instantly made a bemused smirk spread across his face at her discomfort._

_Sucking in a long breath, Lorna shut her eyes tight and forced herself to do exactly that. The texture made her feel physically ill. She'd never been with a guy in this way before and wished she wouldn't have given into his demands. She winced while she shakily brushed her fingers along the hardening flesh. Teeth slowly chattered inside her mouth. There was no going back now._

_"Oh, yeah, stroke it faster," Vinny shrieked, placing his own gruff hands over top of hers and moving them up and down his genitalia. The overpowering orgasm that it started to create made his back arch in euphoria. He let his eyes wander down to his girlfriend, taking note of her slight tremors with a chuckle. "That all ya can do? Ya think this is what love is?"_

_"What else do ya want from me?"_

_"Hey, don't get fucking snippy with me—you're the one who said you'd show me ya love me. And you will do exactly that. I want to feel your tongue on my dick, sucking until I can't think straight. You do that, and we'll call it a day."_

_Lorna felt the nausea worsen at his request. There was no way her mouth would go anywhere near his genital. She couldn't bring herself to do that—something she knew she wouldn't ever be able to undo._

_Crossing his arms impatiently over his chest, Vinny stared coldly down at her. "What're ya waiting for? Put my fucking dick in your mouth and prove your love," he growled fervidly._

_"I-I don't want to," is her murmured response, eyes glancing down at the bedsheets._

_Infuriated, he shook his head hard and threw Lorna down underneath—pinning her against the sheets with his hands. "Fucking bitch—ya said you love me and now ya needa damn well show it! Fucking put it in your mouth and suck until I say otherwise," he demanded coldly, grabbing his shaft and placing it forcefully inside her quivering mouth. He watched with pleasure, enticed to see her struggle to appease him. A laugh escaped him; he was beyond thankful that he chose to give the young girl a chance—he knew he wouldn't have found anyone more submissive if he'd tried._

* * *

Lorna huddles in the bathroom's shower, face in her knees, and lets out a shaky breath. The memories come barreling to the surface so fast that it makes her head spin. She tries to push them away—to focus on the fact that Nicky truly does love her rather than the sickening acts her ex-boyfriend forced her to do. Tears fell freely from her eyes just thinking about it. Deep down, she senses that Nicky will never ask her to do anything that she wouldn't be comfortable with, but the fear still looms.

"Lorna?" Nicky's warm voice calls out from the other side of the door. It brings both a comfort and terror to the brunette's surface. She's sick with herself for even thinking the woman's capable of what her abuser did when she knows for a fact that's not even remotely possible. Nicky loves her—truly and unconditionally—all she's done is show her affection and warmth. Yet, that doesn't stop from triggering the memories to resurface.

Exhaling out one last deep breath, Lorna pushes herself to get up from her comforting position and make her way to the door. With clammy hands, she carefully opens it and forces a smile to her face. "Hey," she lightly murmurs, eyes squinting at the brightness that luminates from the hallway.

"Why are ya in the bathroom in the dark? What's the matter, baby?  _Come here_ ," the redhead lovingly commands, holding out her arms for her. Brown orbs gaze concerningly over her girlfriend; she arches an eyebrow ponderously at what she could have been doing in there.

Without any hesitation, the younger woman happily abides by her request—letting her body intertwine snuggly against Nicky's. She nuzzles her face into the crook of her neck and sighs contently. "S'all good, hon," she replies, breath softly trickling against the other's warm flesh. Her arms wrap tightly around where her head lie. "I just musta forgot to turn it on."

"Sweetie, how the hell ya just forget to turn on a light when ya go to the bathroom? Ya really think I'm buying  _that_?" She quirks her eyebrow once more, narrowing her eyes fervently—making sure her girlfriend knows that she's not going to get out of this one. Her lips brush soothingly over the very faint dimples that make up Lorna's porcelain cheeks.

"I really had to pee?" The brunette gives a sheepish smile, shrugging her shoulders lightly.

Nicky shakes her head unconvinced. She gently pulls her along into the living room and sits her down on the couch. Before claiming the spot next to her, she quickly walks into the kitchen to grab the two cups of fresh coffee she already had made and brings them back with her. She slides into the cushion beside Lorna, placing her cup on the coffee table, and hands the other over to her.

"Lorna just be honest with me. If something's bothering ya, you can tell me. We're a team, doll-face, which means we need to work together to fix any problems there are. So, why were ya sitting in a dark bathroom?"

"I needed to, uh, think about things," the petite Italian mutters, bringing her mug of coffee to her lips for a long sip. It's not a lie but it's not exactly the complete truth. She hides her face in her cup, not wanting to face her girlfriend. The last thing she wants is to start the day by bringing both of their moods down with her petty issues.

Tilting her head, Nicky sighs at the brunette's retractive behavior. She tenderly reaches her hand across to place on the bottom of her chin and lifts it so that their eyes are facing one another. "What kinda things are we thinking about, huh sweet girl? What's on your mind?"

Lorna sighs, tapping her nails nervously against the rim of her coffee mug. As much as she adores Nicky's deeply devoted—caring—nature, at this moment, it comes across as frustrating to deal with. "It's nothing, really. Just needed some solitude is all—it's nothing to worry about," she pleads, forcing another smile to her face in effort to prove her point.

"No, baby, it's  _not_  nothing. If it was nothing, ya woulda just come out here or the kitchen to sit. You deliberately chose the bathroom—a place you can easily trap yourself in. Something's bothering you, that's why ya locked yourself in a dark room. Why did ya do that? What were ya thinking about that it made ya hide? Please, kid, talk through it with me. I wanna help."

Sipping her bold beverage, Lorna squeezes her eyes shut momentarily as she thinks of how to respond. She doesn't like lying to Nicky, but she also is not a fan of pulling her down into the abyss of her problematic world. Middle-ground is difficult to come by in such situation. "I—the coffee is good," she nods, clutching tightly onto the handle.

Nicky groans and shakes her head. As much as she loves Lorna, she finds her behaviors almost unbearable sometimes. She rubs her thumbs frustratingly over each of her temples and inhales a sharp breath. "Please  _don't_  do this. Don't fucking ignore the problem. You know that's not gonna do ya any good—it's gonna keep building up again and ya really don't need that. Ya gotta stop that cycle, doll. I know it's hard but it's what you  _need_  to do."

"I'm not ignoring it. There's no problem. It, it already happened."

"You're ignoring how ya feel about it, sweetie. By not talking to me about it, you're not letting yourself face it and get past it. I know it hurts to share your past—believe me, I do—but that's how ya get better. You can only heal when you deal with the issues that broke ya in the first place. So, please, open up to me. I love you so much, baby, you don't have to be afraid."

Eyes focusing down on her hands in her lap, Lorna lets out a sigh. Her words are comforting; she can feel the sincerity that emanates from them. Yet, she loathes the idea of dragging the woman she loves down with her. She doesn't want her to think any less of her afterwards. "I don't wanna get ya mixed in my mess, hon. Just forget about it," her voice softly trails off.

Such statement instantly boils a pain in Nicky's chest. She softens her eyes, letting them peer heavily across into Lorna's. Her head shakes sadly at the thought of her girlfriend's view on the matter. She scoots closer to her, enveloping her arms snug around her petite waist. A soothing kiss she drops to the top of her head. "Lorna,  _baby_ , you're my girlfriend. Your mess is my mess. Period. I'm not fucking leaving you. I will be here with ya through whatever it is you're dealing with.  _I love you_. I want to know what's hurting you,  _tell me._  I need to know."

"I—I'm scared," is Lorna's barely audible response. She hides her face in the taller woman's chest, terrified of what the other will think of her when she tells her what all she did with her ex-boyfriend. Just thinking about it makes her feel ill.

Cupping her face delicately in her hands, Nicky gazes warmly into her doe-brown orbs. Her fingertips brush loose strands of hair away from them. "What're ya scared of? You scared to talk to me? It's okay, baby, I'm right here. You don't need to worry what I'll think. I promise. Whatever you say, it's  _okay_. You'll still be my beautiful girl," she whispers, lips nearly pressed up against the other's quivering ones.

"It's-it's about what I did to Vinny. You'll see just how fucked up and nasty I am," the Italian shrieks out, pulling away from the loving arms and burrowing into herself. She rocks back and forth, face hidden in her tremoring hands.

"No," Nicky whispers, softly grabbing Lorna and pulling her back against her chest. " _No_ ," she repeats louder. She peers sternly—yet with apparent love—into her girlfriend's teary eyes, their foreheads softly resting together. The sides of her fists rub up and down porcelain cheeks. "You didn't do a fucking thing to that vile monster. He's the fucked up nasty one—not you. Don't even think that shit, ya hear?  _Please don't think that_."

Tears pour along Lorna's cheeks. "But-but I did do things to him. Remember? I told ya how, how he made me do things to arouse him and when we were having sex—I just…it, it, it all came back to me. I-I'm sorry, Nicky! It's not anything to do with you, I swear—"

"Shh, shh," the redhead soothes against her ear, combing the palm of her hand gently along the outline of her jaw. "Take a breath, my love. Just take a breath. Everything's okay. You don't have to rush, yeah?" Her lips stroke affectionately over Lorna's in an attempt to slow her breathing down. She sighs, pulling her closer and peering softly down at her. "Don't you dare be sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. Believe me, I understand that our intimacy could have very well triggered your memories to come forth. You don't ever need to explain yourself to me, sweetie. Did you have a choice in whether or not to do these "arousing" things to him?"

Lorna slightly shrugs, sniffles escaping effortlessly from her larynx. She buries her face between the other woman's neck and chest too ashamed to look her in the eyes any longer. "If, if I didn't do what he wanted he'd send me to the treadmill."

"So it was either pleasure him with sexual acts or with physical pain? Then, my dear Lorna, you didn't do a damn thing to that man. He fucking scared ya into doing what he wanted. What kinda things did he make ya do, sweet girl? It's okay, you can be honest with me. Please don't worry what I'll think. I swear nothing you tell me will change how much I love you. Please believe me," Nicky murmurs warmly into her ear, arms wrapped protectively around her small waist.

"He'd make me do real nasty things. I feel sick thinking about it. I didn't wanna do them, Nicky, really but he wanted me to…so I gave in. I wanted to make him happy. He said I had to do it if I wanted him to know that I loved him. Guess I'm just a weak fool, huh?"

Shaking her head fiercely, Nicky feels her insides churning in anger at what she's hearing. How can any person take advantage of Lorna's love like that? She infuriatingly wonders. She lets out a sigh before softening her expression while putting her attention back down on Lorna. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry he made ya do shit like that. You're far from weak—you're just the sweetest girl ever and he took advantage of that. He's the weak one, Lorna; he couldn't pick on someone his own size, so he chose to abuse a sweet angel like you. Love is not fucking sex—how dare he fucking put that trash in your head. He made you violate your own nature for his own gratification and that infuriates the hell outta me. I wanna slice his head off and feed it to the bugs. He deserves to be tortured for the rest of his life!"

Lorna swallows dryly, gazing down at her hands. As much as she longs to believe the older woman's words, it's proving to be quite the challenge. Years and years of having Vinny's wiring her mind in a certain way is not going to be a quick fix, she sadly realizes. It'll be years before she can fully move past everything he's done to her.

"A sweet person wouldn't allow a man to put their…their  _stuff_  in her mouth and-and—"

"Lorna, he threatened you. Don't put even an ounce of the blame on yourself. You didn't want to do this—you told him that and he still made you do it. He forced you to perform these sexual acts for his own indulgence and that's pretty much rape. An odd—not very common—rape but I'd still qualify that as rape. You're too sweet and precious for your own good. It's good that you have me now; I'll never ever let anyone force ya to do anything ya don't like or want. You need to be protected, my doll, and you will most definitely be with me. I love you so much."

Cuddling her head further into the warmth of Nicky's soft chest, she stares up at her with a quirked eyebrow. "Isn't rape when the other person forces the sex or something? I don't really think that qualifies here, Nicky. I'm the one who…who made Vinny feel pleasure."

Resting her chin tenderly over the top of Lorna's head, the redhead brushes her lips lightly over her gentle flesh and shakes her head. She'll never comprehend what reason anyone could have to want to hurt the angelic being in her arms. "Rape is all about the power, sweetie. He raped you in a sense because he used his "power" to make you do those things. You would have never done that had he not threatened you. Fucking piece of shit he is. He damn well better hope that he gets sent back to prison before I find him and murder him myself. He doesn't deserve to be alive after all the shit he's done to you," she grunts out, shaking her head madly at the thought.

With a sigh, she nuzzles her head closer over top her girlfriend's. Her big brown eyes gaze affectionately down into the brunette's. A warm smile spreads across her face. "You'll never have to worry about that kinda shit again. I'll never make you do anything you're not okay with, ya hear me? You never have to prove your love to me, sweet girl. And ya better not even think that. Fucking Vinny—why the fuck would he do that to ya? I can't fucking understand it. How can he want to hurt you? You're the sweetest thing in the world; you love with everything in you and he just fucking walked all over you because of that. You're not gonna be taken advantage of anymore. You have me, now, and I will do anything I can to protect and take care of you. I love you with my whole heart, baby."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thank you, Toasted_Garlic_Bread, for the very kind compliment on the last chapter. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story and highly appreciate that you took the time to leave a comment. It means a lot.

_Chapter Eighteen_

The day slowly wares on. Lorna comes out of the bathroom—dressed in her uniform—into the kitchen to make herself a second cup of coffee for the extra burst of energy. She grabs a mug from the cabinet that hangs above the coffee maker when she feels the feathery touch of a person's hand on her shoulder. Such an unexpected touch instantly causes a small jolt out of the short brunette.

Setting the cup on the counter, she turns to find who the culprit of the sensation is and feels a bout of relief when she finds Nicky's standing right behind her. A smile quickly takes form on her face. "Oh, hey—ya scared me there, hon," she lightly laughs, reaching up to wrap her arms gently around the taller woman's neck.

"I did, huh?" Nicky smirks, her hands framed delicately around her girlfriend's blushing cheeks. Lips brush warmly against the soft flesh of Lorna's forehead while brown orbs peer affectionately over her. "Ya gonna have some lunch with your coffee, right? Can't go to work on a empty stomach, doll-face. Red'll have your head."

Lorna meticulously pours creamer and two packs of sugar into her hot beverage to busy herself. She takes a spoon out from a drawer, using it to slowly stir the contents of her steaming mug. "I'm not hungry," she quickly informs her through a sip of hot coffee.

Frustration gradually creeps to the surface. Nicky shakes her head, taking the other's head into her hands and allowing her eyes to peer sternly into hers. She brushes a few strands of hair out to the side. "You're not leaving until ya eat something. Ya haven't had any food since last night, baby; you need to fucking take care of yourself. How the hell can ya work when you're malnourished, huh?"

" _I am not_  malnourished, I just don't feel hungry—just get off my back about it," the younger woman exasperates while gulping down the rest of her hot beverage. She practically throws herself out of the chair, speeding off back towards the kitchen to place her dirty mug into the dishwasher.

Hurriedly on her tail, Nicky wraps her arms fiercely around her from behind. Her arms lovingly pull Lorna away from where she broods and as close to her body as she can have her. She pecks a soothing kiss atop the neatly styled hair that sits on her head before expelling a deep breath of air. "I can't ignore this, kid. I've let it go on for far too long. You need to eat more, and you are gonna start right now.  _Baby_ , you're fucking starving yourself…of course you're malnourished. Sit down at the table; we'll share a sandwich, yeah? I know it's hard for ya to eat but that doesn't make it okay for you to not eat at all."

She doesn't give Lorna any time to argue as she brings her back to the table, gently placing her in the chair. A kiss is pressed against her head before Nicky walks towards the kitchen again to start prepping the food. Once she finishes the task, she cuts it diagonally in half and brings it over to where her girlfriend sits—handing her one of the halves.

Lorna eyes it suspiciously before looking up at the redhead. "Thanks, hon, but I don't think I can eat it. It's too much."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Nicky stares at her with an overpowering sternness shining off of her big orbs. "It's only half a sandwich, doll, ya needa eat it. Come on, kid,  _please don't_  do this. You can't go to work on an empty stomach, I can't let you."

"Nicky, it  _hurts_  to eat. You don't understand," the Italian all but pleads, her eyes desperately staring over into a pair of concerned ones. Her hands drift onto the half sandwich, taking in the texture of the bread. A frustrated breath escapes her. She looks down in shame—angered with herself for not being able to eat a measly little morsel of it.

"What hurts, baby? Your stomach?"

The brunette slowly nods, ripping the crust off all four ends of the two slices of bread.

With a sigh, Nicky scoots herself closer to Lorna and reaches over to take her head in her hands. She gazes into her eyes heavily for a few silent moments before placing her head softly onto her chest. Lips brush warmly over short brown waves of hair. "Ya know why it hurts? Because it needs some food, kid. I promise if you take a bite of the sandwich the pain will go away.  _Please_ ," her breath warm against the smaller woman's ear.

Lorna rips a miniscule piece of the bread off, bringing it up to her eyes where she very methodically examines it over. She swallows hard before slowly placing it in her mouth. Its spongy texture against her tongue makes goosebumps spread over her arms and legs. She can't remember the last time she ate a sandwich. That was something she never considered a safe food to consume. Vinny refused to keep any amount of carbohydrates in the house.

"Good girl," the redhead softly praises, hands rubbing up and down the other's tense back. She strokes her lips over the flesh of her cheek and smiles down at her. "I'm really proud of ya for putting the effort in to eat that. If you can try to eat at least half that, I can make an exception for you to not have to finish it…unless you feel like you're able to, yeah?"

Giving a small nod, Lorna pushes past the reluctance and rips off another piece of the sandwich. She goes through the same cycle of looking it over and forcing it into her mouth, chewing well-over the recommended amount of time. "This is the first sandwich I think I've had since I was in high school," she gently murmurs after swallowing the food.

Nicky's eyebrows arch up curiously. "Really? Why's that, doll?" She uses a tender finger to brush a loose strand of hair away from her eyes.

"Vinny never allowed bread in the house. Said it would make me fat."

"He is such a piece of shit. You're too good for that son of a bitch, kid. Thank God you're away from him and with a person who will never  _ever_  make ya feel bad about yourself again. You can eat anything your precious heart desires, my baby."

* * *

It's fifteen minutes past three in the afternoon when Lorna is clocked in for her work shift. She rapidly gets to work in the front of the bakery, cleaning up the floor with the broom and dust-pan that sit in the corner of the room. Everything fades to the back-burner as she becomes heavily immersed in her task. She keeps her eyes focused on the infinitesimal crumbs that the broom sweeps up into a pile.

The faint sound of a voice jolts Lorna out of her trance. She looks around to find where it's coming from but doesn't notice anything out of the blue. The voice gradually gets louder yet no one seems to be in the room aside from she and Red—who's busy placing fresh pastries out on the shelves. "Did ya say something Red?" She uneasily calls out her inquiry.

"No, I haven't said a word. I'm just over here getting things cleaned up," the Russian baker responds, taking out the old trays and replacing them with fresh ones. When she's finished, she sets aside the empty ones and walks over to Lorna. Her light-colored orbs look her over concerningly. "Everything okay, Lorna? There's no one here besides us so I don't know what you might have heard."

Lorna quirks an eyebrow nervously, eyes popping up from the floor to stare back at her boss. "I swear I heard someone talking. It was real clear…ya sure ya didn't say anything?"

Shaking her head, Red's eyes search strongly over the younger woman trying to find a clue as to what could possibly be troubling her. An uneasiness settles within her at the pondering thought that this may be due to her mental illness. "Unless you're talking to yourself, no one's said a word, honey. Are you okay? Do you need to sit down or something?"

"I'm fine. Maybe it's just from outside, I guess. I don't know. Sorry for disturbing ya," the brunette mutters before turning her attention back on sweeping the floor.

"Don't be. If you need anything, just come get me. I'll be doing some work in my office for the next hour or so."

Lorna watches as the older woman walks through the door that leads to the back of the shop. Alone, now, she finishes brushing away the crumbs and then goes to retrieve the mop. A headache gradually starts to rear its face, but she does her best to push past it while she layers the tile floor with the Clorox-water mixture that sits in the bucket. When she's done, she takes the bucket and quickly walks outside to dump it out on the side of the building. On her way back inside, she finds that the door is blocked off by someone who sends a shiver down her spine.

"Hello _, Lorna_. Thought ya could get ridda me, huh?" Vinny guards the entrance of the bakery, arms crossed over his chest as he stares menacingly down into his ex's terrified brown orbs. Her visible fear makes a smirk form on his own face.

The Italian woman feels her insides twist. She swallows a hard lump, trying to compose herself. "You'll go to prison for what ya tried to do. Go away, Vinny…I need to get back to work," she tiredly mutters, walking nearer the door. Her hands tremble at her sides as she stares horrifyingly up at the man who's made the last decade of her life a living hell and senses the building rage in his stance.

He shakes his head and bellows out a laugh. "Think the judge is gonna listen to a nutcase like you, do ya?  _Lorraine?_  Hmm, good one. Why don't ya just make things easier and come back home with me? Why pretend you deserve anything better?" Vinny unfolds his arms to let a hand slowly reach over to grab hold of Lorna's trembling one, squeezing it until his fingerprints are indented into her frail skin.

Lorna feels her headache worsening at his words. She closes her eyes in an effort to ignore him, but the fear only lingers. The grip on her hand makes it rather difficult for her to move—she doesn't want to risk anymore harm that she knows he's very well capable of causing. Instead, she sucks in a large breath of air and reopens her eyes so that she's staring directly into his. "Why do I deserve to be abused? What,  _what did I do to you_?"

"What did you do to me? Hmm more like what  _didn't_  you do to me?" Vinny lets go of her hand and takes her roughly by the throat, his eyes piercing zealously into hers. "You fucking let that dumbass brother a yours near strangle me to death, remember that? Or the countless times ya fucking refused to tell me you love me? And you think you shouldn't be whipped into shape, huh? Fuck. You're my property and you will come back home with me. I'll take ya myself if I have to."

The sensation of his rough hands around her neck immediately instills a strong terror throughout her body. Legs begin to shake heavily underneath her; she notices the headache continues to grow stronger. She can't bring herself to respond or move away. The terror keeps her at a standstill.

Before Vinny can do anything further, a highly concerned bystander comes jogging up to them. Lorna instantly realize the person to be Gloria and a strong bout of relief washes over her. She watches as the Hispanic woman comes barreling towards Vinny, yanking him harshly off of her and throwing him a good three feet away. Arms are quickly wrapped around the shaken-up brunette, pulling her in for a protective and comforting embrace while her medium-brown eyes stare daggers over her head into the young man's.

"Is there a fucking reason you keep trying to worm your way back to Lorna? Do ya not have a brain in that giant head a yours or something, little boy? Because last time I checked, you don't have the right to be anywhere near this sweet girl. All ya've done is abused and tormented her—you don't fucking deserve her. Get lost before I abuse you," she yells, her accent as thick as her anger.

Vinny gives a dark glare to the shaking brunette who's hidden her face in Gloria's shirt and growls, "This ain't over, Lorna. I won't stop until I have ya back. You can't fucking hide from me, bitch." He sticks up his middle finger at the two women before reluctantly walking away from them.

A pang sits in Gloria's chest at the horrendous sobs that escape out of the young woman's vocal chords. She tightens her arms around her and takes her into the bakery, walking all the way down through the door behind the counter. " _Red_ ," she calls out, "Red, are ya here?" One hand she uses to keep Lorna's head held against her chest and the other she uses to open the door to her girlfriend's small office. If it weren't for the circumstances, she'd smile at how tranquil the woman she loves look with how focused she is on the paperwork at hand.

"Sorry to bother ya from your work but I found a certain someone trying to lure Lorna away from her job and figured ya might wanna know she's gonna need a few minutes to calm down before getting back to work."

Hearing the warm voice of her lover, Red immediately takes her attention off of the inventory and stares worriedly across at the two women. She removes her glasses, placing them in the pocket of her apron, and sighs at the sight of her employee. "That man needs to be in prison already. He's as bad as that fucking asshole ex of yours. What the fuck's wrong with the justice system?" She grits her teeth vengefully and cracks her neck.

Gloria all but shutters at the mention. She nods fervently, however, knowing full well how true the other's words are. The justice system is anything but the justice system these days, she's all too familiar with that fact. And now, she thinks furiously, so is Lorna. It makes her blood boil that she has to go through the same thing she did. That infuriates her—no one deserves that.

"What isn't wrong with it is a more appropriate question," she grits her teeth, shaking her head sadly. She brushes a hand soothingly through Lorna's brown waves, looking down at her with a strong empathy. Quickly, her demeanor softens. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

Lorna sniffles lightly but gives a small nod, lifting her head reluctantly from the comforting chest. "I'm fine. Thanks for helping me, Gloria, I really appreciate that. Saved me from having to go relive all of it…I just—I hope the judge will send him to prison. He has to, right?"

Pressing a maternal kiss atop her head, Gloria feels her heart ache at the question. As much as she wants to reassure her that that's what will happen, she has no clue if that's even the truth. A pain sits in her chest for the young woman; the desperateness in her innocent orbs makes the Hispanic woman's empathy only strengthen. "I'll always be here to help ya. I hope for your sake that's exactly what happens. You don't need to deal with that monster any longer, sweetheart. He's the devil himself and belongs in prison. I just pray that the judge sees it that way too."

The brunette nods her agreement and lets herself out of the older woman's arms. She can't help the smile that takes shape on her face—there's just something about Gloria that makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It's a reminder of the relationship she had with her mother as a little girl, a pleasant sensation. " _Thank you_ ," she murmurs.

"For what, sweetie? You don't gotta thank me for intervening or nothin'. You don't deserve to be tormented like that."

Lorna shakes her head and responds with, "For being you is all. Ya remind me of what I had with my mother and it's just a real nice feeling. I miss her a lot so it's nice to be reminded of her."

Eyes becoming a bit misty from such heartfelt words, Gloria encircles her arms back around the petite brunette and embraces her close. A kiss is pressed soothingly against her forehead. "You're a little sweetheart, Lorna. I'm glad I can remind ya of her somehow and I want ya to know that I'll always be here. No matter what. If you ever need me, all ya gotta do is call. Do ya have my cell number?" When the other shakes her head, she quickly grabs a note-pad from Red's desk, jotting it down, and hands it to her. "You can call me any time. Don't be afraid to, okay?"

The brunette nods and sets the piece of her paper into her pocket, smiling kindly at her. "Thanks," she answers, releasing herself from the embrace and heading towards the door.

Red holds up her hand to stop her from leaving. "Wait," she says, looking at her with a gentle smile on her face. "Why don't you and Nicky come over for dinner tomorrow? I'm making one of my traditional Russian dishes and I'd like for you to try it…plus, it'll be like a little double date for the four of us. How's that sound?"

"I think that's a great idea; I'll let her know. Thanks, both of you," she hums cheerfully before exiting out of the office to head back to her duties.

Alone, now, with her girlfriend, Gloria sighs and slides into the chair that sits adjacent to Red's. She reaches over the small desk to grab hold of one of her hands, softly intertwining their fingers. "That girl is something else, hmm? She's been through so much shit and yet, she still puts a smile on her face. Why can't we all be like her? I'm too busy plotting revenge on that Vinny…and he never laid a finger on me. But, Lorna, all she wants is to go on with her life and be happy again. Sweet little thing," she whispers, shaking her head angrily. It enrages her how any person could find reason to abuse a girl like Lorna in such a cruel way. That's something she'll never comprehend.

" _Resilient_ is what that woman is.  _Very_. There's not a bad bone in that girl's body, that's clear. I guess that's why she's such an easy target for people like Vinny. Poor girl just wanted to be loved and that dick took advantage of her. It makes me sick to think about just like what that scum bucket did to you. I'd like to get my hands on both of those bastards and show them what  _real pain_  feels like. God, I'm just thankful my sons know how to take care of their wives. I'd be sick if any of them turned out like either one of those two," Red shakes her head, gazing lovingly across into the Hispanic woman's dark irises.

* * *

When Lorna arrives home late that evening, she arches her eyebrows in bemusement to see that her girlfriend's not anywhere in sight but instead is welcomed by the presence of her best friend. A genuine smile spreads across her porcelain cheeks; she sets her stuff on the kitchen counter before walking into the living room where the black-haired woman sits. "Al, it's been a while since I've seen ya. How's the new place?" She excitedly throws out her questions, plopping down on the cushion right beside her.

Instantly, Alex takes her eyes off the television screen and gazes softly at her bubbly friend. She smiles at the cheerful attitude she's displaying—something she hasn't seen in years. Arms instinctively wrap around the small brunette, pulling her onto her lap for a much-need embrace. "It sure has, kid. Poussey and I have just been so busy getting the apartment unpacked and set-up to how we like it. Oh, it's  _amazing_ —have a little balcony that we love to sit on in the evenings to watch the sunset. It's a cute little place, I think. How's my best friend been, huh? And Nicky?"

"Aww, that's so  _romantic_ ," Lorna cries, her smile widening at the thought. She rests her head on the taller woman's shoulder, shutting her eyes in contentment. For once, she thinks, life seems to be going in a positive direction. "I've been good and so has Nicky. She's the sweetest person, Al. I'm so grateful to have a person like her in my life and that's all thanks to you. You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for; thank you for forcing me to go therapy. Ya kinda helped me find my  _real_  soul-mate by doing that."

Alex pulls her closer and lets out a chuckle. She brushes a maternal kiss atop her head, squeezing her tight. "Technically,  _you're_  the sweetest person but yeah, Nicky's a close second I'm sure. As long as she takes care of ya and loves you the right way than I'm happy for you. You deserve to be treated with respect, kid," she firmly tells her, stroking a hand softly through her thick waves.

Her heart swells at her best friend's kind words, she shakes her head softly. "You don't have to thank me for getting you the help you needed. Don't even think that, baby. You're my best friend, who I love, there's no way I would let ya keep spiraling downwards. I'll never regret that. I'm so happy you're doing better. You have no fucking clue how much I love seeing your lively personality again. I've missed it so much, kid."

The brunette only smiles in response, wrapping an arm lightly around her shoulder. "What're ya doing here, anyway, and where's Nicky? I mean not that I have a problem with that…I'm happy to see ya, Al.  _Really_ ," she beams.

"It's okay, kid, I know what ya mean," Alex snickers softly, kissing her on the head. She combs a hand comfortingly through her hair. "Nicky ran out to the store, I came by right before and decided to just wait until ya got home. I missed ya, Lorna."

Lorna nods intuitively. She opens her eyes to peer up into her friend's blue ones with an inquisitive expression etched on her face. "Can I talk to ya about something?"

Running a finger lightly along her forehead, Alex nods her head. Her eyes look her over in a growing concern, "Course', kid. What's up?"

"It's nothin' bad," the Italian woman starts off with a light-hearted laugh. "I just figured this is something worthy of sharing with my best friend, ya know? Probably something a dumb high school girl would do but I never really had that chance… Anyway, Nicky—she made love to me the other night. I've never felt anything so…so  _amazing._  It was the best experience I ever had."

A light chuckle escaping, Alex strokes a tender hand through her medium-length brown waves. "Aw, kid, I'm happy for ya. You deserve to feel good and be shown how worthy you are. I think it's so cute of ya to share this with me. I don't care if we're both grown adults—you're my best friend and if ya think this is important enough to share than it is. Nicky's perfect for ya; she'll always take care of you and love you, I know it."

"She really is. But now, I'm kinda nervous about when it's my turn. I ain't never had sex with a girl—I don't know what the hell to do, Al. All I know is how to pleasure a man. I'm gonna disappoint her and I don't want to do that. I wanna make her happy."

Pulling her closer in her comforting arms, Alex softly lays Lorna's head onto her chest and gives a motherly kiss atop her hair. She sighs, loathing how the brunette still thinks negatively about herself. It infuriates her. "Nicky loves you so much, Lorna, she's not gonna ever be disappointed in you. Don't think like that, baby. You're such a sweet girl; you make her happy just by being you. She's a very patient and understanding woman, she will not pressure ya into doing anything you're not ready for. Ya understand? All ya gotta do is talk to her about it. She'll help you…show you."

* * *

It's nearing midnight when Lorna lays restless in the bed she's been sharing with her girlfriend. A nervous pain lurks in her stomach at the knowledge that the redhead still hasn't returned home. She begins to wonder if something's happen or if, god-forbid, she's found someone else. The thought alone is enough to have tears pouring down along her rosy cheeks. She curls onto her side, under the comforter, and feels her body shake with sobs.

Only a few minutes later, Nicky comes into the bedroom and hurriedly gets in the bed at the sound of her lover's heartrending cries. Instinctively, she wraps her arms tight around Lorna's quivering body, pulling her onto her chest. Lips brush against the back of her head. "Baby,  _baby_ , what's wrong? What's the matter, sweetheart?" She softly inquiries, letting her front press snuggly up against the smaller woman's back. Her hand runs over and over through her messy hair.

Lorna immediately curls up against the warmth that radiates from Nicky's body and feels her sobs slowly fade into light sniffles. Relief strongly takes over at the fact that the redhead's finally home. She reaches a hand up to wipe at her tears. "I just—I was worried, hon. Ya were gone a long time and-and I thought either something happened or-or—" She can't bring herself to say it; her insides twist just thinking about that possibility.

"I'm so sorry for worrying you, sweet girl. Who knew fucking Wal-Mart would be packed full this late at night, huh? And ya know ain't no registers open but two. It's a zoo in that place," Nicky chuckles, resting her chin lightly over the top of her girlfriend's head. She brushes her knuckles delicately along the sides of her face and gazes softly down at her. "What was the other thing you were thinking? Tell me, doll, it's okay. What is it, huh?"

"I just…I thought ya mighta met someone else—it's stupid isn't it?"

Hearing that causes Nicky to softly turn Lorna around so that they're facing one another. She rests her forehead gently over top the brunette's, eyes gazing compassionately into teary ones. "Your thoughts are never stupid. But that thought is never going to be more than a thought. Ya hear me?  _You_  are the beautiful woman I love, and  _no one_  can ever change that. I love you, my baby, and only you. Please, Lorna love, don't stress over shit like that. Don't fucking think like that. I will never ever do something like that to you. My god, Lorna, I care so deeply for you—I would never even dream of hurting you. All I want in life is to be with you and take care of you." She gingerly brushes a stray hair around her ear, stroking her lips delicately over the other's lightly trembling ones.

"Aw, baby, don't cry. It's okay,  _come here_ ," Nicky soothes, motioning for the younger woman to cuddle closer to her. She holds out her arms, eyes peering softly down at her.

Lorna does exactly that, easily allowing her body to inch closer to her girlfriend's. She buries her face in her chest and freely lets the tears to run down her cheeks and soak the shirt underneath her. Her own arms wrap desperately tight around Nicky's neck. "I love you so much," she cries out, sniffles coming out of her like a mad-house.

"I love you too, gorgeous doll," the redhead whispers, breath hot against her ear. A hand is gently laid on her back, softly rubbing comforting circles around it. She nuzzles her head contently over Lorna's, relishing in the warmth and tenderness. "Ya have a good day at work, yeah? How was ma?"

The brunette sighs, not sure of how to respond to that. She doesn't want to worry Nicky with the incident that happened with her ex—something that's been taken care of, so, she decides to leave that tiny little detail out. With her sniffles slowly fading, she musters up a small smile. "It was great—Gloria stopped by and Red invited the two a us over for dinner tomorrow. Said she's making some kinda Russian dish."

Nicky cups her cheek softly in her hand, taking in the beauty that resonates in every inch of her face. A smile spreads. "You're too fucking cute, sweet thing. You really like Gloria, huh? I'm glad. Oh, good, one less meal I have to make. She say what time? I assume Gloria will be there too, yes?"

"I can't help it, Nicky. She reminds me of my mom and she knows what it's like to go through abuse. She  _understands_. No, she didn't say a time…just told us to come over. And yeah, she will be—Red said it'll be like a double date, is not that cute?"

Brushing her lips over her forehead, Nicky laughs softly. This young woman is certainly turning her into a pile of mush, she realizes, and she kind of likes that. "I get it, doll, and I'm happy you have her. She's a good person," she informs her, caressing her thumb tenderly around the flesh of her forehead. "It's cute, yes, but not as cute as my baby."

Lorna feels a small laugh escape her as she nestles closer to her girlfriend's body. She lets out a yawn while stretching out her legs somewhat. "Hmm, aren't you the mushball?"

"And aren't you just the cutest?" Nicky smirks, pulling her closer and wrapping them in the fluffed comforter. She presses another kiss atop her head and sighs in contentment. "Is my baby tired? I saw that yawn, Lorna. You stayed up all this time worrying, didn't you?"

"Well, how could I sleep when I wasn't sure if my girlfriend was okay or not? Ya were gone a while, Nicky. I was scared—I can't sleep when I'm scared."

Stroking a hand slowly through her knotted brown hair, Nicky shakes her head and gazes warmly down at her. "Aw, doll, I'm here now. It's okay, everything's okay. You can sleep now, close those beautiful eyes and rest. You're so tired, I can hear it in your voice. Please go to sleep, kid. I've got ya; I'll never let you go, baby. I love you."

* * *

The next evening has the two young women walking along the sidewalk that leads to Red's house. When they're standing in front of the door, Nicky reaches her hand out to ring the doorbell. A few minutes pass before the door opens to reveal a smiling Gloria. She moves aside, allowing for the two to enter. Instinctively, her arms wrap around the both of them pulling them in for a quick embrace.

"Good to see ya, girls. Red's just in the kitchen getting the last of the food cooked," she says, leading them in there once she's released the embrace.

Nicky smiles at the sight of her mother's running around the kitchen. It's a heartwarming sight to see—something she's adored since the first time she watched her cook. It gives the warmest feeling in the world, one she never had growing up with Marka. "Ma," she calls out, walking up behind her and wrapping her arms around her. "Smells delicious in here. Ya been slaving over that stove all day?"

A warm smile of her own on her face, Red stops what she's doing and turns around so that she can fully embrace her daughter. Nothing is more precious to her than having her little girl in her presence. She gives a gentle kiss to her cheek, hugging her tight against her body. "Where've you been, Nicky? You haven't stopped by the bakery in days. Why's that? And yes, I haven't moved from this kitchen since this morning."

Gloria nods in testament to her statement. "She's been cooking since before the damn sun got up," she laughs, shaking her head and has Lorna accompany her into the dinning room to finish getting it set.

"I'm sorry, ma, I just been busy with paperwork and shit. I promise it has nothing to do with you," Nicky assures, nuzzling her face in the older woman's chest. She's missed spending time with the Russian matron—she knows how much Red hates when she doesn't come by the shop, especially when it's been three days in a row without a visit. "I love you. I'll try to come by more this week."

Kissing the top of her head maternally, Red nods and pulls away so that she can stare her in the eyes. "Don't apologize, my sweet Nicky. I'm just yanking your chains. I know you're a busy girl, it's okay. I still love you. Now, be an angel and help me take the crockpot into the dining room."

Nicky chuckles and nods her head, "Sure thing, ma." She follows her over to the stove and very carefully takes hold of one of the two crockpots—slowly carrying it into the dining room where she sets it on an oven-mitt to keep it from burning the wooden table. A soft smile forms at the sight of Lorna and Gloria chatting away over a cup of coffee; she's ecstatic to see how far her girlfriend's come in just the past few weeks. It warms her heart more than anything. She can only hope that her progress continues to improve in such a positive way.


	19. Chapter 19

_Chapter Nineteen_

It's not long before Red's dining room table is filled with four chattering women. The distinct aroma of the home-cooked meal bursts through the room quite remarkably. Red carefully leans over the table to remove the lid from the crockpot. Its delicious scent causes her to be flooded with a warm tingly sensation; she remembers watching her mother and babushka make it back when she was just a small child in Russia.

Nicky peaks her eyes over to get a glimpse at what's giving off such a heavenly smell and beams at the divine-looking food—a meal she remembers trying for the first time over five years ago. "Looks so good, ma," she informs her mother, her orbs lustfully looking over the steaming pot of goodness. Hands busy themselves with lifting her glass of fizzy cola up towards her mouth for a refreshing sip.

"Thank you," the Russian matron responds, standing up from her seat to go grab a serving spoon from the kitchen. A few seconds later, she returns and divvies out a nice-sized portion to each of the four bowls.

Taking in both the aroma and physical aesthetic of the unique dish, Lorna lifts her spoon to mix around in her bowl. She examines it thoroughly in an effort to figure out what its ingredients might be. She uses the spoon to move the contents back and forth as her eyes glance over in Red's direction. "What is this called? What's all in it?"

"It's a very popular Russian dish, solyanka—a soup my babushka used to make all the time back when we still lived in Russia. She always made it with meat, but I like to substitute mushroom in my own. Never really was a big meat eater growing up," Red happily enlightens the young brunette, bringing a spoonful of the very soup to her mouth for a much yearned after taste. Her taste-buds sing in delight at the savory flavor. "Besides the mushrooms, I put pickles, chopped-up gold potatoes, cabbage and dill seasoning. It's been a family recipe since my mother was a little girl. Course' it's had some changes over the years but still has that familiar homey taste."

Lorna nods, eyes focused down on the steaming soup in front of her. With discreetly tremoring hands, she cautiously brings the spoon to her mouth for a tiny taste. Her brown orbs widen when the strong—delectable—flavor hits the microscopic taste-buds that make up her tongue. The flavor is so strong, and so tasty, that she can't help but reach to take another bite. "I ain't never tasted anything like that—it's real good, Red. Did ya have it a lot as a kid?"

Sitting in the chair right beside the Italian, a small smile makes its way to Nicky's face. She's thrilled to see her truly enjoying a meal—something she's worried she might have never seen. Instinctively, she wraps a warm arm lightly around her shoulder while glancing over at her mother awaiting whatever response she may give.

"I'd come home from school and my babushka would have a bowl waiting for me—I miss those days," the Russian mother joyfully reminisces with a beaming grin on her face. She can still hear her grandmother's laugh in her mind—the jokes they'd share each evening during dinner. A tranquil sigh escapes her at the memory.

"Hmm, that reminds me of the days I'd come home to my abuela's cooking. The house was always smellin' like a Spanish restaurant. I can still remember the aroma of paella seeping through the door when I'd be makin' my way up the porch steps," Gloria chimes in, eyebrows arched in thought.

Red turns to look at her partner with a warm smile. "Well, how about we do this again sometime and  _you_  can cook one of your Spanish dishes? I don't think I've ever tried your cooking before, so it would be a nice change."

Nodding her agreement, the Hispanic woman gives a glance to the two younger women with a kind smile. "Would you girls mind coming here for dinner again to try my food?"

"Like ya have to ask," Nicky chuckles in between bites, her big brown orbs gazing over at Gloria. "Why wouldn't we agree to a nice home-cooked meal that we don't have to make? We'll definitely come to try it—my mouth's watering just thinking about it. Don't think I've ever had Spanish food before."

Gloria's heart warms at that; a large grin spreads across her face. "As long as ya like a little spice in your food than I can promise you'll enjoy the dish I have in mind."

* * *

Dinner wares on gradually, small-talk shared throughout the dining room as the four women work through their bowls of soup. With the meal nearly demolished now, Red deems it time for them to head into the living room to sit and chat instead. Sitting on the couch beside her Russian partner, Gloria peers over at Lorna—who hasn't said much since their arrival—with concern lightly seeping to the surface.

"Ya feelin' better after what happened yesterday, Lorna?"

Intrigued, Nicky's eyebrows quirk as her arms envelop tight around her girlfriend's tiny waist. She averts her eyes between both Gloria and Lorna, puzzled as to what she might be referring to. "What happened yesterday? Lorna, babe, you didn't tell me anything out of the ordinary happened…What's Gloria talking about?" Her tone soft, yet a tinge of sternness mixed in.

Folding her arms over her chest, the Hispanic woman gives a firm stare towards Lorna. It's not entirely a surprise that the young girl would casually forget to mention such a detail—especially when her current frame of mind is trying to make her believe she's a burden to the those that care for her. "Ya didn't tell Nicky?" Receiving a shameful shake of the head, Gloria sighs and goes on to explain the incident.

"I was walking along the city street yesterday and found Vinny with Lorna—he was blocking her from going back inside the shop. He threatened to take her back with him and all this bullshit nonsense. Told him if he didn't leave her the hell alone that I'd abuse him."

Hearing that immediately has Nicky tighten her hold on the short brunette. She shakes her head fiercely. Oh how she longs to show Vinny what true torture is—it infuriates her tremendously that he's walking free after all the trouble he's caused for a sweet woman like Lorna. It's unjust, she knows. " _Jesus_. Lorna—why, why didn't ya tell me about this, baby? How can I protect you when you're keeping things like this from me, huh? Did he hurt you at all?" Her hands frame softly around the smaller woman's face, eyes searching concerningly over her to find any signs of harm.

Seeing that Lorna is not opening her mouth to respond, Gloria takes it upon herself to answer. She shoots a slightly apologetic—mostly filled with empathy—glance to her, hoping she knows that she's only informing her girlfriend as a way to help her. The trembling of the young girl's lips and how she bows her head brings a small pang to her heart. "He had his hands around her neck when I came over—I think he was planning to take her back with him, but I forced him to leave before he had the chance. I guess Lorna just didn't wanna think about it and didn't think to bring it up. I understand what that's like…it's easier to forget," she says, watching the two closely.

Nicky grits her teeth and examines the Italian's neck intently. Her fingers stroke around the very faint circle that's outlined around it. Blood boils underneath her skin at such a sight—she can't wrap her head around how any person could even consider causing vile harm like that to her Lorna. What has that woman ever done to deserve the abuse he's caused her?

" _My baby_ ," she murmurs tenderly against Lorna's ear, leaning her forehead softly over hers. Delicate fingers brush softly around her pale flesh. "Ya gotta tell me if something like this happens. I know ya hate it but I'm your girlfriend—I love you, I  _need_  to know what's going on, yeah? Please, promise me, you won't keep anything like this from me again?"

"I'm sorry," is Lorna's timid response, tears running effortlessly along her porcelain cheeks.

Shaking her head, Nicky kisses her temple lovingly while pulling her over to sit on her lap. A gentle hand she strokes through Lorna's dark wavy hair. "Don't be. I'm not mad at ya, doll, I just—I want you to know how important you are to me and that I can only keep ya safe efficiently when I know everything that's going on. Ya know what I mean?"

The brunette gives a timid nod, instinctively clinging tighter to Nicky—her arms encircle snugly around her neck while her face nuzzles against her beating heart. Such closeness easily washes Lorna over with a calming sensation. Being in Nicky's arms is the one place she can truly feel safe and secure—no one dares to mess with the daunting redhead.

With a small smile, Nicky strokes a tender kiss atop her head and focuses her eyes, momentarily, over at Gloria. "Thank you for being there for her. God—I'm so fucking sick of Vinny. I can't believe the idiotic judge deems he safe to be on the streets! All he does is continuously try to taunt my beautiful Lorna. I'm ready to find where he lives and beat him to death," the anger gradually builds with each word spoken—she does her best to hold it in but just the thought alone of what he's capable of makes that quite the chore.

"I'm glad I was walking at the perfect time…otherwise who knows what woulda happened. That man's the damn devil. Abusers like him know exactly what to say in court—anything to get the judge and jury to believe them and these people are stupid enough to buy into it. I've been there, I know first hand how true that is. It's fucked up and unjust but that's how the system seems to be these days. As much as I'd happily join in on Vinny's demise…I believe the best thing any of us can do is to focus on Lorna and comforting her."

Walking in with a fresh cup of tea, Red perches herself back in the spot beside Gloria and nods her agreement while wrapping her free arm lovingly around her waist. "Yes, my Nicky, your energy is much better used on Lorna than plotting revenge. Soon enough Vinny will get his karma, I guarantee that. People don't like any forms of abusers in prison," she states matter-of-factly, sipping slowly on her steaming beverage.

* * *

When the pair arrive home, just past eight that night, Nicky immediately plops down on the living room couch with Lorna. An arm lovingly snakes around her waist, slowly luring her body to snuggle into her own. For several minutes, she sits and relishes in the peaceful sensation of holding her lover. Out of all the people in the world, she'd never imagined her soul-mate to be a patient of hers yet alone—whom she considered—the sweetest and most angelic person on the planet. She smiles at the thought and drops a warm kiss to the top of her head.

"I'm prouda ya for eating a whole bowl of ma's soup. I didn't expect that outta you but I'm so glad you did. You need more food in your stomach, doll-face. It's good for ya," her husky voice brushes softly over Lorna's ear, fingers stroking the gentle flesh around it.

The warmth that radiates from Nicky's body only lures Lorna closer to it; she lets her face bury in between the crook of her neck and her chest, shutting her eyes to further induce relaxation. "I didn't wanna make Red feel bad by not finishing it…plus, she is a real good cook. And, it's nice to not have someone constantly telling me how fat each bite is making me, ya know?"

That last statement instantly shatters the redhead's heart. Her eyes soften, gazing down at her lover with overpowering compassion and warmth. She nuzzles her chin lovingly over the top of her head while exhaling a large amount of air. "You never have to worry about that again. You're allowed to eat anything you want and however much ya want.  _No one_  will shame you for that, my beautiful baby. Or else they'll have to deal with me—and we both know that won't be a pretty sight."

"But what-what if it makes me fat? Would ya be mad at me, Nicky?"

Nicky's heart bursts in pain to hear her ask such a question—to think somehow that she'd ever even be bothered by such a miniscule thing. Arms hold tighter onto the petite woman that lies against her. "Eating a healthy-sized portion is not gonna make ya fat. And even if it did, I wouldn't give two shits. I love you so much and there's  _nothing_  that will ever make me stop, baby—especially something that doesn't mean shit. Vinny's just a fucking asshole. Don't believe any the bullshit he put into your head, ya got that? None of it is true," she pleads, lips lightly resting on her forehead.

Lifting her head slightly, Lorna lets her eyes scan over her girlfriend's. The sincerity shines through heavily and it makes her smile to finally have the love that she's always craved—to be with a person who only wants to build her up rather than see her fall. It's reassuring to have a woman like Nicky in her life. "Thank you. Ya really have no idea how nice it is to not have to stress over what I'm putting in my mouth. I know it sounds real dumb but that's all he ever cared about. And it makes me feel good that ya don't care about that stuff—you're the nicest person I've ever met, and I love you a lot. I'm glad I have you," her voice warmly hums right over top of the redhead's lips.

"You  _never_  have to thank me for loving you and wanting to see ya healthy. That's the most important thing to me, doll. All I care about is you and making sure you're  _happy_  and  _healthy_ and  _safe_. Now, with that vile creature still roaming the damn streets, I'm not sure  _how_  safe ya are right now…especially when ya kinda decided  _not_  to tell me about this incident yesterday."

Lorna slightly ducks her head in shame. "I just—I didn't wanna worry ya or nothin', hon. It was already taken care of, so I figured there was no point in getting you worked up about it."

Sighing, Nicky caresses the palm of her hand delicately along her porcelain cheek. Such answer doesn't surprise her; of course, Lorna would want to keep from bothering her with an incident like the one that occurred the night before. It brings a small pang to her chest to know how her girlfriend's thoughts are forcing her to believe that she's "unworthy" of being protected. Something, she knows, isn't even remotely true.

With soft fingers, she very gently lifts Lorna's head back up towards her own and spends a few silent moments just taking in all of the beauty that radiates from her face. Another sigh comes out. " _Baby_ , I'll always worry about ya. I love you too much to not. What's the real reason ya didn't tell me, huh?"

"Why do  _you_  think?"

"It doesn't matter what I think. I want you tell me why ya kept this from me, sweetie."

Slowly letting out a deep breath of air, Lorna lifts her head from her girlfriend's comforting chest and fixes her gaze on the wall behind where they sit. It's not something she enjoys doing but she knows she needs to start. If she ever wants to truly get past this, she reluctantly realizes. "Because…I don't like pulling ya into my problems. It's not fair to you. Why should ya have to be bothered with it, huh?"

Nicky frowns, cupping her hands delicately around the brunette's face. Softly, she strokes her lips over bright red ones in a slow and tender kiss. Fingers brush ever so lightly along gradually reddening cheeks. "I'm not bothered by my beautiful Lorna,  _ever_. Please stop thinking like that. You have no fucking clue how much you mean to me and how badly I wanna take every painful memory away from you. You're the most important person to me, baby, and I wanna know everything that's going on in your life. I don't care how big—or small—of a problem it is…it's  _our_  problem. We'll work through it  _together_ , ya understand that?"

"I'll try to stop doing that but it's real hard, Nicky. It's hard to remember that you're not the same as Vinny…I mean  _I know_  you're  _not_ —you're honest and warm—but I don't know how to explain it," Lorna mutters, resting her head back against the other's chest. She runs her fingers softly around her cotton shirt in a heart-shaped pattern, over and over.

"I get it. You've been abused and ridiculed by him for over ten years and it's difficult to come out of that fearful mindset. It scares you to be in this new environment, I know. And that's okay, kid. You've endured a lotta shit. It's gonna take plenty of time and therapy to fully recover from the damage he's caused ya. But I promise you, my sweet doll, I will be right here with you through everything. No matter what. I love you with everything inside of me and will do anything I can to help ya get through this. Please believe me. I will never lie to you."

A faint smile forms at her sincere words. Lorna slowly nods her head, pressing her lips against the flesh of Nicky's neck. " _I do_  believe you, hon. Thank you. You're the true angel here—ya saved me, literally and metaphorically."

Nicky chuckles lightly, fully laying herself against the cushions of the couch and placing Lorna down onto her chest. Her arms snake protectively around her waist, pulling her as close as she can have her. "Aw, kid, you're too precious. I don't regret a thing—I'd save ya all over again, my love. Though, I'd appreciate if you'd not try to end your life, yeah? I need you right here with me.  _Forever_."

"I think I can manage not to. Now that I actually have a reason to live…it's the best feeling in the world to actually be wanted by someone, ya know?"

Those powerful words cause a heavy sensation to build in Nicky's chest. It's unsettling to hear it—almost makes her feel paranoid about leaving her alone, ever. She inhales a sharp breath, tightening her arms around Lorna, and resting her chin over top of her brown waves. "You've always had a reason to live. Don't think like that, please. Your life is too precious to be thrown away," she firmly assures, rubbing her hands in soft circles around her back. A sigh escapes. "I'll always want you. You never have to worry about that, my baby. Believe me, I get that feeling—before Red, I never felt wanted either. But now I have her and you. Life couldn't be better."

* * *

It's a brisk morning as Lorna leaves for work the next day. Nicky's already at the office for an early therapy session so she finds the apartment quiet on her way out. She grabs a traveler's mug to fill with coffee and places it in the cup holder in her car once she's situated in the driver's seat. The drive into town is a short one, only five minutes from the complex building. Yet, with seeming to hit all the red-lights this morning, the five-minute drive rapidly escalates into a fifteen minute one.

Taking a quick sip of her coffee while waiting at another red-light, Lorna takes notice of a slightly familiar blue Pontiac vehicle sitting behind her. She doesn't think much of it—there's plenty of people that drive similar cars, she tells herself to stop the worrying thoughts that swirl around her head. When the light changes to green, however, she can't contain her trepidation too much longer.

A gunshot to the back of her car quickly halts her journey to work—she skittishly finds a safe place to pull over so that she can catch her breath. There isn't much time for her to do such as the next thing she knows is her door's being forced open by her former abuser. Instantly, she's overcome with a strong waive of terror. She tries her best to fight but quickly sees that that's only worsening the situation.

Vinny's arms roughly grab onto Lorna's small body, easily yanking her out of the car and running back towards his own with her. Once he's standing in front of his vehicle, he opens the trunk and throws her inside. His brown irises peer darkly down into her clearly terrified ones. "Told ya you couldn't outsmart me, bitch. Now you're really in for it. Just you wait," he snickers before closing the door—leaving her in total darkness.

* * *

Red glances at the clock that sits on the wall directly across from the pastry shelf. It's five minutes past eight o'clock—Lorna's shift started, and she has yet to walk in the building. A knot forms in the pit of her stomach. That woman is never late. She's always fifteen minutes early. There's something amiss, the Russian baker concludes. She goes to the back to grab her phone and quickly searches for her Italian employee's phone number. The phone rings and rings but is only led to the voicemail.

"Lorna, it's Red. Your shift is right now…I hope everything's okay and you're just in traffic or something. Please call me back as soon as you get this unless you show up here before that. Otherwise, if you're not here by 8:30, I'm calling Nicky. Okay, bye," she frantically leaves the message before ending the call.

The faint sound of the bell's ringing causes Red to hurriedly run back into the main part of the bakery. A bout of relief washes over her as she prays that it's the petite brunette. That quickly fades when she sees it's only a customer—however a somewhat familiar one. She walks over to stand behind the register and covers up her worry with a cheerful smile. "What can I get for you this morning?"

"Oh, no, I thought I'd just stop by to say hi to Lorna—she's been my best friend since we were in school. I'm Alex—ya probably don't remember me, huh? I think we met once when Nicky and I were first moving in to the apartment? Does any a that ring a bell?"

So, that's why the young woman seems familiar. Red gives a slight nod, the smile only faltering a smidge at the mention of Lorna—who she still can't figure out where she might be. It's very out of character for her to be late for work and not even call to explain. "Oh, well, hello Alex. It's been a while, yes. But Nicky's always talking about you and what's the other roommate's name—Poussey? She told me how you asked her about being Lorna's therapist and everything. A wise decision. But, uh, Lorna hasn't come in yet. Must be heavy traffic or something," she nervously begins to ramble, not keen on the idea of worrying the other about the many possibilities that could be the culprit of Lorna's being late.

Alex arches an eyebrow wondrously. "Hmm, she hasn't? When's she supposed to be in? I just came from my place and the roads were pretty quiet."

Shit, Red thinks. She rubs her temples slowly, trying to come up with a decent answer that is not too worrisome. "She was to start at eight, but she hasn't arrived yet. She hasn't called me to tell me anything, so, I'm assuming maybe she's having car troubles or stuck in traffic. Are you sure there was none on your way here?"

A lump forms in the black-haired woman's throat at hearing that. She bites her tongue to keep herself from getting too worked up. It's proving difficult to not jump to the worst possible conclusions. "Lorna's  _never_  late for work. Something's wrong. Even if there was traffic, I know she would call to tell you. She panics if she's late…this doesn't sound right, Red. Did ya try calling her or anything?"

"I called right before you came in. Went to voicemail so I left a message. She's always here fifteen or so minutes before she's supposed to start. I know something's wrong. Either she got in a wreck or…I don't know," the Russian matron panics, placing a hand on each of her cheeks. She shakes her head sadly, deeply puzzled on how to handle the situation.

"No, this has to be Vinny. I can sense it. We need to call the police. I've had enough of that man's antics. He needs to be put away for good—he's gonna fucking do something to her if they don't lock him up soon. I couldn't live with myself if I let my best friend get hurt all over again by that devil," Alex growls, her teeth clenched in fury.

Red can clearly hear the anger that shines through the other's voice and instinctively reaches over to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. She nods her agreement, "I'll call them, and you can call Nicky. If something's going on, she needs to know."

* * *

The darkness that surrounds Lorna amplifies her claustrophobia immensely. She can't breathe with how tight of a space she's in—the ceiling's too close and the air is too thin. The sound of cars going by seeps through the cracks, only worsening the sensation. She curls her legs up to her chest, burying her face in them, and lets tears freely flow down her cheeks. This—being trapped inside a cramped space—is worse than any of the times Vinny taped her to the treadmill. This is pure hell.

Slowly, Lorna senses the cease of movement and a sudden hope fills her body. Maybe this was just a move to scare her—to make her rethink her decision on the charges that she pressed against him. Maybe if she decides to take them back, all of this will stop. She'll be set free and can possibly make it to work before her shift is up. However, that dream is quickly erased when she's reintroduced to the bright sunlight—she gulps at the small cottage that sits only a few feet from the car.

"Welcome to your new home," Vinny smirks, roughly picking her up from the trunk and carrying her into the little house. He sets her down on the small sofa that's right to the left of the kitchen. "Now, you're mine forever. No one can take you from me anymore, Lorna."

If she was here with anyone else—like Nicky or Alex—she'd find this cottage to be a welcoming one with the old, country-style, kitchen and warm, brown-accented, living room. Yet, with Vinny trapping her here, she finds it absolutely repulsive. Terror looms heavily in her brown orbs, she looks up at Vinny anxiously. "Where are we? Why, why are ya doing this to me?"

Running a gruff finger lightly along the outline of her jaw, Vinny chuckles. "It doesn't matter where we are. You'll never be able to escape me again. No one will find us. Why am I doing this? Because I own you and no one else deserves to be with you. I mean, who would want ya anyway? You're nothin' but a damaged soul. You just sit here and familiarize yourself with your new house—I'm gonna run out and get some groceries. Don't bother trying to run away—ain't no where for ya to go, we're in the middle of the woods," he informs her with a bright smile on his face. He gives a playful slap to her thigh and then gets up to leave.

On his way out of the cottage, Vinny makes sure to bolt all of the doors shut just to assure that Lorna can't escape. From her position on the couch, Lorna easily notices this and that only strengthens her fear. She doesn't move until she hears the sound of his car finally pulling away. Still, all she does is walk over to the window to triple check that he's gone. A small relief hits her to realize she's alone yet the fact that she's in the middle of no where with the man that she can't stand keeps the fear from going anywhere too far.

With caution, Lorna tiptoes her way into the kitchen to search her surroundings. A phone catches her eye—that lays on the circular table in a mixture of old phonebooks and newspapers—and she quickly snatches it. Fingers press hard on the numbers that create Nicky's cell number. She waits through numerous rings before the husky sound of her girlfriend's voice rings through her ear. She can't stop the tears that leak from her eyes at that.

"Nicky,  _Nicky_ …it-it's Lorna," her voice softly cries out, hands gripping knuckle-paling tightly onto the phone.

"Yes, baby, I can tell. Is everything okay? You're at work, yeah? On lunch pretty early?"

Tears pour faster along her cheeks at that question. If only she was at work, she fearfully thinks. She shakes her head but then realizes Nicky's not there to see it. A muffled sob escapes her before she has the chance to form some kind of response. "Help me, Nicky…please," she tearfully begs.

"What's the matter? Sweetie, where are you? Please tell me what's going on, yeah? Are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?" Nicky throws out her questions, concern heavily taking over at this point. She holds the phone tight against her ear as she grabs her bag and keys to start heading out of the building.

Swallowing a painful lump, Lorna falls to the floor and begins shaking against the cold tile. "I don't know where I am—Vinny, he-he took me, and I'm scared, Nicky. I have no idea where he brought me, but he said, he said no one will ever find me. I don't wanna be here. What do I do?"

Nicky's heart-rate increases highly as she starts running through the building and out towards the parking garage. "Take a breath. Just take a deep breath, baby. I know it's really scary, but you need to try to stay calm. I'm right here, sweetheart, I'll stay on the phone with you. Can ya tell me anything that might give a clue as to where ya are? I'm heading to the bakery right now, sweet girl, and I'm gonna have Red call the police. So anything you can tell me will help. I love you," her voice nearly breaks; she floors the gas, not caring if she gets a ticket or not. All that matters is finding her lover.

"It's a cottage. In-in the woods. I didn't see anything else, Nicky…he threw me in the trunk and it was so dark. It was scary, and I thought I was gonna die. I'm so scared—I don't think I'll survive," sobs wreak through Lorna's frail body. She shuts her eyes tight.

"Aw, baby, I know that's scary. Poor thing—you don't like the dark, do ya?" Nicky feels a few of her own tears start to fall along her own cheeks. The utter pain and terror that clearly emanate from her girlfriend's voice only causes a stronger distress for the redhead. She grips tightly onto the steering wheel, pressing hard onto the gas pedal. "You will survive. I promise. I'm gonna find you, my beautiful Lorna, and I swear to God I will never ever let you outta my sight again. You're gonna be okay. You're a strong young woman, ya hear me? Please, just listen to my voice and don't think about Vinny. I'm coming to find you, Lorna, I will not rest until you're safe and sound in my arms. Whatever the hell that monster tells you, please, don't buy into it. I will never give up on you, my baby. Just keep that in your head. You'll be okay, I promise. I love you so much, doll-face."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mature themes as well as verbal abuse that some readers may find offensive. If you are one who gets offended easily, I advise you to not read this chapter. Read at your own risk.

  _Chapter Twenty_

The discreet sound of a car's door shutting immediately instills a halting horror in Lorna's body. Her hands become clammy as they hold the phone tight to her ear. She swallows thickly, loathing that she has to hang up—yet, she knows that's the best option if she doesn't want Vinny to do anything more to her. "I-I gotta go, Nicky…I think he just pulled up and I don't wanna make him mad or nothin'—I love you," she whispers with a muffled sniffle.

On the other end, heart pounding in her chest, Nicky grips the phone deathly tight as she continues to speed along the streets. "I love you too, my baby. Please keep that in mind, yeah? I swear to God that  _I will_  find you. I'll do whatever the fuck it takes to come get ya outta there. You'll be okay, sweet girl. I promise," she tearfully declares to her, heart breaking once the line goes dead.

With tremoring hands, Lorna anxiously fumbles to erase the call from the phone before she throws it back where it came from. She makes her way into the living room, once more, plopping onto the couch just in time for Vinny's entering in through the door with a handful of bags. Her eyes instinctively focus down on the floor—not at all wanting to glance at the man who's done nothing but torment her for an entire decade.

He smirks to see that she hasn't seemed to move from the couch—probably too fearful, he internalizes, and that only widens the leer. "Guess ya still think you're getting outta here, huh? Not too happy with the new living quarters, are ya?" The questions are thrown out in a sinister tone as Vinny forces the bags that he holds onto her trembling lap.

"Be a decent girlfriend for once and go take care of these groceries. Put em' away," his voice towers in her face.

Lorna, without inquiry, pushes herself up and into the country-designed kitchen. The handful of plastic bags are shakily placed on the glistening marbled-wooden countertops. A treacherous breath of air expels from her mouth as she cautiously begins to unload the groceries into the nearly over-sized, stainless steel, refrigerator. At one point in time, her dream was to live in a beautiful house with Vinny—a man she claimed to be her "soul-mate". A man who used to make her feel warm and fuzzy inside but now all she feels while being in his presence is complete and utter horror. He's certainly not the man she imagined him to be.

* * *

Speeding into a parking spot, Nicky unsteadily cuts the ignition – throwing the keys in her satchel – and hurries out of the car, across the street to her mother's bakery. She doesn't bother to cover up the worry and tears that flood her face. All that matters is finding where her girlfriend is. She won't sleep until the young brunette is found. When she enters inside, after a two-minute run from her car, she etches her eyebrows to see Alex's talking with Red at the counter.

"What're you doing here, Alex?"

Both women turn away in surprise. Alex eyes her with building sympathy, wondering if she might know what's going on with her best friend. "Well, I was here to see Lorna…but Red's informed that she hasn't made it in yet. We were actually about to call ya to see if ya knew anything. Do you? Ya look a little—rough?" She anxiously inquiries, looking the shorter woman intently over in the hopes of finding some sort of helpful clue.

The question immediately has Nicky's skin turn pale. She swallows hard and gives a slow nod. "I, uh, just got off the phone with her," her voice cracked with emotion, she stares down at the tile floor—letting others see her cry is a gesture she's always shied away from. "Vinny kidnapped her. She said he threw her in the trunk of his fucking car and has her locked away in some cottage in the damn woods. The only reason she called was because he left to go to the store or somethin'. She's scared shitless and I can't do anything to help her!"

Red quickly gets to work at fixing a cup of tea for her distressed daughter. Once it's steeped, she walks from behind the counter—the hot cup steaming in her hands—over to where the two younger women reside. "Here, sip this and let's go sit down—no use standing here," she gently commands them, following behind to a circular table. She slides into the chair beside Nicky and wraps a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"We're gonna call the police and let them know everything you just said. It's gonna be okay, my precious daughter, we'll find Lorna. Is there anything else she told ya? Anything about the car or area this cottage is in?"

"Poor baby is scared to death—she was fucking trapped in a pitch-black trunk for god-only-knows how long, ma, and then he threw her in this damn cottage. It's in the middle of fucking nowhere, she said—we'll never find her! I promised her we would but,  _how_ can we? How can we find her when we have no where to  _even start_  looking?"

_Trapped in a pitch-black trunk._ The thought, alone, makes a cold shiver run down Alex's spine. She peers over at Nicky, placing a comforting hand over her own, and lets out a dreary sigh. "We  _are_  gonna find her; we have to. God—I can't, I can't even imagine what Lorna's feeling…she's always had a fear of the dark and being enclosed in small spaces. She must be so traumatized right now. I'm so fucking done with Vinny—I swear to God when we find them, I'm killing him. He needs to die," her voice gradually increases in volume, anger and pain very evidently shining through.

Nicky nods furiously while bringing her cup of fresh-brewed tea to her lips for a sip. "The police have done nothing to help Lorna—they've done nothing to get her any of the justice she deserves. I'm done waiting around; Vinny needs to pay  _now._  Fucking piece of trash he is."

Shaking her head, Red looks between the two with a stern expression taking form on her face. "Now, girls, I know you're angry with Vinny for the cruel things he's been doing to Lorna—Hell, I am as well—but do you really think murdering him is the right decision? What is that going to do but get the two of you sent to prison, huh?"

"Vinny needs to pay for everything he's done, ma, and it's so obvious the police aren't gonna do a thing about it," Nicky bitterly points out, eyes looking angrily down into her cup. She knows her words are true. If the police actually cared for her girlfriend's well-being, they wouldn't be allowing a man like Vinny to freely roam the streets.

Stroking a hand soothingly through thick red curls, the Russian mother lets out a melancholy sigh. It's an unfortunate truth that her daughter's pointed out, she thinks, and not the first time this has occurred. "He certainly does. I'm not saying that he doesn't, Nicky—I'm just saying that you and Alex shouldn't be committing murder. You have Lorna to think about. She needs you two and if you kill Vinny, who's gonna be there for her? What needs to be done is for you to call the police and tell them everything Lorna's told you. They'll have to do something. He's a man awaiting trial and just kidnapped the very woman he's accused of attempting to pull a gun on. They're not just going to sit back and let Vinny get away with this," Red attests, blue eyes piercing down into not-so-convinced brown ones.

* * *

Time seems to pass by slowly, horrifically. Lorna sits on the chair that overlooks a small reading nook in the corner of the living room. There's a wooden-framed bay window that hangs right behind her. She turns to get a glimpse out of it and is instantly wiped over with a longing to be back in civilization. This tiny cottage that's surrounded by forest makes her feel closed-in and trapped. There's no one but Vinny—a person she desires to be rid of. Everything about him makes her sick. This is a living nightmare.

"Nice windows, huh? Got a good deal on them at the store Gino works at," Vinny's voice clears the silence and causes a harsh jolt out of Lorna. He observes her closely, a smirk easily taking form on his hardened face.

The sensation of his hand rubbing along the length of her arm causes a queasiness to form in Lorna's stomach. She feels the cushion of the chair become compacted when it seems he's plopped himself down right beside her. Quickly, she stiffens and tries to get away from his touch but that only makes his grip on her tighter—rougher. "Don't touch me. You're not my boyfriend," she whispers with a slight coldness seeping through.

"Where the fuck do ya get off at talking to me like that? You think you have any say here? I'm the dominant one in our relationship…you better watch your mouth, bitch." The Italian man tightens his hold on her, turning her around so that his eyes pierce darkly down into hers. The terror makes it all the more pleasurable for him.

"There is no relationship, Vinny. I-I love Nicky," Lorna cries out, doing her best to squirm her way out of his rough arms. The minute the last three words came out of her mouth, she realizes how poorly of a decision that was.

Vinny jerks her up off of the chair and heaves her crudely to the hard-wood floor. Towering over her, he grabs her by the throat while allowing his nails to dig so tightly into her flesh that it nearly cracks it. "You don't love Nicky—what the hell's wrong with you? Ya think you're some kinda little dyke now? You do know that's a filthy sin, yeah? God's gonna send ya straight to hell for that. You're sick," he yells, saliva slipping out of his mouth and makes its way down to land on her skin.

Terrified, the brunette squeezes her eyes tightly shut to try to drown out his hurtful words. The sensation of his hands wrapped deathly tight around her neck amplifies her claustrophobia immensely. She longs for a way out of this traumatizing ordeal—to just slip out of this world until she's back with the people who love her, where she's safe and protected.

Suddenly—and almost with relief—an overpowering headache courses through Lorna's body. Instead of fighting it, she gives in and lets the pain take her away – being whisked into her own mind has to be better than having to stay here and deal with her abuser any longer, she thinks as she feels herself become heavy with sleep.

Eyes finally peep open a few seconds later. This time—instead of being full of fear and pain—brown orbs glare darkly back at the Italian man. She uses all of her weight and pushes him off of her. "Get the fuck away from me, Vincent. Do ya think you're tough?" Her voice filled with a strong, bubbling, anger—one that's very unlike the softness that Lorna speaks with.

"Jesus, Lorna—what the fuck did I just say to ya? Are you really this stupid?" Vinny bites back, grabbing her yet again by the throat and peering menacingly into her orbs. "You want me to kill you or something? Cause' I will. I don't care. I had your brother killed and I can surely arrange the same for you."

"First off, shorty, I'm  _not_ Lorna," the brunette young woman smirks, pulling one leg up to swing towards Vinny's groin. A chuckle escapes as she watches him fall to the ground in obvious pain. "And, second, how the fuck did ya have her brother killed? What's that supposed to mean?"

Holding his hands over his privates, Vinny stares daggers up at her. "I ain't fucking short—look who's talking,  _midget_. You really are a fucking loony-bin! The fuck ya mean you ain't Lorna? Are you retarded or somethin'?"

Flipping her middle finger up at him, Lorraine plops herself on the floor beside him. She pins him underneath her and lets her eyes lustfully gaze over his very toned body. "You're an asshole, anyone ever tell ya that? You've been dating this woman for what—ten fucking years—and you couldn't even tell that she has a severe mental illness? A little self-absorbed, are we hot stuff?" Her head shakes viciously as she brushes a finger lightly down from his head to where his hands rest over his jean's zipper.

"Who the fuck are ya? And stop fondling me, bitch," he growls, pushing the hand off of his.

Ignoring his wishes, she repeats her movements and glares hotly down at him. "Your worst nightmare," she whispers, a smirk curling in the corners of her mouth. "But ya can call me Lorraine. I'm not fucking fondling you, wimpy. Jesus. You've done a lotta shit to Lorna and never stopped when she begged ya to. Why should I stop what I'm doing? You're a waste of space.  _A hot_  waste of space."

"Let me have sex with ya, will ya Vincent? I mean isn't that why ya dragged Lorna to this secluded cottage, anyway? So you could force her to do the naughty-naughty where she would have no place to run to? Hmm, I say you and I can do that instead. I'm much more into sex than she is, anyway. What do you say,  _Vincie_?"

Vinny bellows out a laugh. The pain in his groin finally subsided, he shakes his head and jumps up from the ground. "You're fucked up, Lorraine. I would never have sex with you or Lorna. She doesn't deserve that kinda pleasure," he retorts, kicking his foot cruelly at the small woman to make her fall before she has the chance to stand up.

Rage boiling at this point, Lorraine bounces off the floor—pouncing on Vinny with venom seeping through her body like a mad-house. She pulls him over to the couch and throws him against the cushions. " _I'm fucked up_? First of all, dumbass, I saved ya from going to prison…and now I think I regret that. Second of all, you're a narcissistic dickhead. You think you deserve to feel good, but Lorna doesn't? Hmm, well, lemme show ya some pleasure—shall I?"

Jumping on top of him, Lorraine places a leg on each side of his body so that he can't move. Her hands brush coldly up and down his body, relishing in the muscular make-up of his upper portion. She rips off his shirt, eyes lustfully admiring the toned abs. The tips of her fingers stroke each of the six muscles that line his abdomen. She peaks up at his face, rolling her eyes in dismay to see that he seems to be enjoying her touches. Such only strengthens the anger she has for him.

Her hands make their way down from his stomach to the top of his pants. She stops briefly when she senses Lorna's presence by the gradually growing headache.  _Get the fuck outta here, Lorna. You're the one who went inside to hide. Now, I'm gonna deal with this my way. Don't like it? Maybe next time fight your own fucking battles,_  Lorraine angrily informs the terrified girl in her mind. The pain finally subsides, and she slowly unzips the jeans, sliding them down his legs. She does the same with his boxers, gulping at the sight of his bulge. It almost repulses her—a sensation she doesn't understand. She swallows hard as she tries to think of whether to continue or not. The fact that Lorna's never been penetrated by a man before makes a strong waver of guilt come over Lorraine. The last thing she wants is to do anything to hurt Lorna—the woman she's supposed to be protecting. The woman who's body she's in, she sighs.

"Well, what the fuck are ya waiting for? Pleasure me, Lorraine. Little whore," Vinny taunts, peering up at her with a mocking smirk.

Lorraine shakes her head and smacks her hand roughly against his cheek. "I'm not gonna let you have any pleasure. You're a little sexual deviant and I ain't playing into that trash."

Enraged, he pushes the petite woman onto the ground and sits himself on top of her—nearly switching positions with her. "Think you're so tough, do ya Lorraine? Just for that, I'm in control of this! You're gonna pay for being such a fucking bitch. I'll show you what pain is," he bitterly yells, harshly undressing her so that she lies against the floor in nothing but how she came into the world.

Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Lorraine nearly flinches at the sensation of a strand of tears falling from her eyes. The entire situation comes as a shock to her—it fills her with an unwavering fear and terror to not have control over what's happening. It brings her back to a time that she can't exactly put a finger on. A time, she remembers, where she had to come out to save Lorna from a horrific act of abuse—yet, she's not sure who it is that caused such. A deep breath goes in; she shakes her head when she feels the contact between their separate genitals. All she can feel is regret and guilt for allowing this to happen to Lorna.  _Oh, god, Lorna—I-I'm sorry for letting it get this far. I-I didn't mean for this to happen._

* * *

Twenty-four hours. It's been an agonizing twenty-four hours and Nicky has yet to see or hear from her lover. The police have come up empty-handed. The phone-call couldn't be traced. Anger continues to boil inside of the redhead. How can she have let this happen? She made a promise to Lorna that she would never let her get hurt again. And, now, who knows how much pain she's being caused by that man? The thought alone churns a sick sensation throughout her body.

"Hey, Nicky?" Alex's deep voice calls out as she and Poussey enter the apartment using the spare key they'd been given. The two walk through the kitchen, into the living room, stopping when they see her sitting solemnly on the couch. "It's hard, I know, but moping's not gonna help any. Have ya moved at all from the couch?" She questions, looking the redhead over thoroughly—the unbrushed hair tells her exactly what she's expected.

With a sigh, Nicky lifts her head to stare at her two guests with a heavily emanate exhaustion taking up her expression. Her shoulders barely move as they shrug. "I can't rest or function until Lorna's found. It's much harder when she's the reason ya wake up every day—the reason I smile most days. You don't fucking understand how much I love that woman. And I failed her. I'm so pissed off—not just at Vinny but at me. I promised Lorna that I would protect her…and look what the fuck happened," she yells, throwing her hands angrily up in the air.

Placing a hand lightly on her back, Alex strokes it in soothing circles to somehow bring her comfort. The pain is highly relatable to her—knowing her best friend's missing is the hardest thing for her. She doesn't want to think of what could possibly be happening to her—what Vinny might be bestowing upon her petite friend. It makes her skin crawl.

" _You did not_  fail her, Nicky. How the fuck were you supposed to know Vinny would kidnap her? What could you do? You can't stop working and watch over Lorna every day. Vinny's just the evilest man on this planet—he woulda done some shit like this whether you were with her or not. Don't fucking blame yourself, please."

"That's exactly what I'm doing once we find her. I will never let her leave my sight again," Nicky declares, getting up to pace anxiously around the room. She doesn't know what else to do with herself at this point. Sitting around and waiting isn't going to appease her much longer. She needs to do something to figure out where Lorna might be located.

Sitting beside Alex, Poussey places a tender hand over top of hers while peering at the distressed Nicky with sympathy sparkling through her darkly-colored orbs. She shakes her head, knowing that's not the best option. "I don't think that's a wise decision, Nicky. That'll make her feel suffocated and coddled—she needs her space, ya know? You're both grown adults and as much as you want to protect each other from everything—don't we all?—that's not always gonna be possible."

Alex rolls her eyes—not out of spite or anything such as that—rather because it irritates her at times just how right her girlfriend can be, even when she doesn't want her to be. "As much as I hate to admit it, I think P's right on that, kid. We're just gonna have to keep Lorna close but not too close. The last thing she needs, when she's back, is to feel like she can't breathe. Cause, god knows, that's how Vinny's making that poor girl feel right now." A breath of air slowly expels from her mouth.

* * *

It's the dead of night when Lorraine tiptoes her way through the house to the door in the living room. There's no way she can keep living under the same roof as Vinny—not for herself or for Lorna. He's much more vicious than she could have ever imagined him to be. The darkness makes it difficult to see where she's going without causing any sound, but she does her best to manage. She has to if she wants to get out of there. The moon's light shines through the curtains into the living room, making it a tad easier to locate the door. Once she makes it over, she gulps at the many locks that lay amongst it. Of course, he would do that just to insure Lorna's stay. Inhaling a sharp breath, Lorraine quietly gets to work at picking the numerous latches.

Only five minutes later has the door completely unlocked. Lorraine half-smiles at the work she's done. With silent hands, she quite cautiously opens the door—trying not to let it squeak—and hurriedly tiptoes her way outside, closing it once more before she rapidly takes off through the woods. A burst of adrenaline pumps through her veins at the exhilarating run. She keeps running as far as she can until a strong bout of exhaustion hits and causes her body to crash down to the ground.

Hours ware on, Lorraine's body lie weakly against the dew-covered grass—becoming a magnet for leaves and dirt to accumulate on. Eventually, she slightly senses herself being lifted from the ground – as if she's floating away to the sky. Of course, in reality, a pair of paramedics are only lifting her up so that she can be placed on a gurney and transferred to the nearest emergency room. She doesn't pay much attention to what's going on, instead, she shuts her eyes and lets herself drift away into a much-needed sleep.

* * *

The sound of monitors steadily beeping and hushed voices is what Lorna's greeted to when she finally awakens some several hours later. Immediately, she takes note of her surroundings and comes to the conclusion that she somehow managed to get placed in a hospital. Fear quickly tears through her at the fact that she doesn't remember what lead up to this or whether Vinny's here as well. A loud, terrifying, scream erupts from her vocal chords.

A nurse rushes to her side in a matter of seconds. "It's okay, Lorna," the soft, familiar, voice soothes down into the tremoring woman's ear.

Lorna averts her frightened orbs up into Gloria's and shakes her head. She reaches her arms out, desperately craving the gentle physical contact she's been deprived for—she has no clue how long it's been – a day, a week? All she can think about is being trapped in that cottage with Vinny—nothing but the two of them. It only adds to her fear. How did she get away? Is he coming for her?

Quickly, Gloria sits herself on the edge of Lorna's hospital bed and very carefully wraps her in a tight embrace. "You're okay, now, I've got ya. Everything's okay," she whispers soothingly, rocking her softly back and forth. A hand is stroked tenderly through her dark waves of hair; she gazes gently down into her eyes, worry heavily sitting on her face. "What happened, sweetie? I heard someone found ya lying in the woods? Did someone hurt you?"

"Vin-Vinny," she chokes out, staring up at the older woman bewilderedly. "He, he kidnapped me—can you call Nicky and Alex? I don't want them to worry anymore."

The color quickly drains from the Hispanic woman's face to hear that. She tightens her arms around the other's thinning waist, embracing her close while trying to digest the news. Her head nods instinctively, "Of course, honey. I'll tell them to come here. I'm so sorry you've been hurt, Lorna. Poor baby—you look like ya been run over by a truck…What did Vinny do to ya, huh?" The anger's not hard to miss. She brushes a maternal kiss on the crown of Lorna's head.

Lorna shrugs, clinging tighter onto the older woman—terrified of being alone. She hides her face in her chest and lets the tears freely flow from her eyes. Yet, before she can say anything further, the door opens and a man wearing a white coat—presumably the doctor—enters inside with a chart in his hand. He looks over at her, very clearly sympathizing her situation.

"We had your pants and underwear tested—it's beyond clear that you've been sexually assaulted and raped, Miss Morello. Semen's showed up very clearly on both, I'm very sorry. I also have the results of your blood-test and it looks like you are severely malnourished. I assume this man who had you captive starved you as well, yes?"

Gloria's heart shatters at what's been told to the young girl in her arms.  _Raped? Sexually assaulted?_  She shakes her head fiercely. What she wouldn't give to have ten minutes alone with Vinny—she'd show him what true torture and pain feel like. Pushing aside the anger, she focuses her energy on bringing comfort to Lorna. Her lips press a soothing kiss to her head.

Knowing that the brunette's too shaken up to talk, Gloria gazes over at the doctor with an arched eyebrow. "The man who held her captive is her ex-abusive-boyfriend and he very much is the reason she's malnourished. He made her believe that eating any type of food would cause her to gain weight," she grits her teeth.

Looking down at Lorna with sorrow-filled eyes, the doctor sighs and nods his head. "I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, because of how severe it is, we're going to have to insert you with a feeding-tube. I'll be back in just a few minutes to get it all hooked up," he informs the two before heading back out of the room.

* * *

Relief and happiness are all Nicky feels as she jogs her way down the hall towards the room that she's been informed is Lorna's. Yet, at the sickly sight of her, any joy is quickly washed away. Immediately, she rushes to her side and wraps her in the tightest hug possible, pressing soft kisses all over her head and face. "My sweet baby," she murmurs softly, holding her protectively against her chest.

The brunette clings snugly onto her, craving her warm touch—the love that Nicky always so deeply has for her. It's the one thing she knows is sincere—the one thing that will always make her feel safe. Her head nestles in it's familiar spot right between the redhead's neck and chest. "Nicky," her voice cracks, sobs muffled through her cotton shirt.

"I'm here, I'm  _right_  here, baby doll. I've got ya," Nicky huskily soothes into Lorna's ear. She lays down right beside her, very carefully placing the smaller woman onto her chest and covering them in the sheets. Her lips caress warmly over the flesh of Lorna's forehead. "It's all gonna be okay; I'll be right here to take care of ya. You need anything, you just say so. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. I love you," she lovingly assures, resting her head softly on top of hers.

The calming sensation of Nicky's chest gradually moving underneath her head lures her eyes to close. Lorna instinctively cuddles closer to her warmth, the only thing that shields her from the terror. A faint yawn escapes her. "I love you," she whispers, her voice drained and tired from the events of the last few days.

Holding her even tighter, Nicky nods and runs a hand delicately through her hair. "I love you too, baby. Forever," her breath trickles warmly over the brunette's head, only continuing to soothe her. Moving one hand to keep hold of her back, she uses the other to keep Lorna's head held softly over her chest. "You can sleep, you're safe. I'll be right here all night. I'm not leaving you, I mean it. You're my baby, I'm always gonna be here to take care of you. Sleep, little one, it's good for ya."


	21. Chapter 21

_Chapter Twenty-One_

The subtle creaking of the door has Nicky's eyes avert from the sleeping form of her girlfriend over to what such culprit is. Catching sight of a very over-worried Alex entering cautiously comes as no surprise. Brushing a soft, tender, hand through the brown waves of Lorna's hair, the redhead gives a small smile towards the younger woman—sympathy heavily coming through.

"It's taken me nearly an hour to finally get her to sleep," she quietly murmurs, a slight melancholic vibe seeping into her tone. Taking in all that's happened in only the past two days sits bitterly in her mind. She can't bring herself to imagine what pain—trauma—has been caused to the woman her heart beats for.

Situating herself in a chair near the bed, where both of her friends reside, Alex lets her eyes wander over. The sickly sight of Lorna brings a strong pang to her chest. A lump catches in her throat at the thought of everything she's been put through in such a short span of time. "Is she—is she okay? How do we help her?"

The question forces a sharp breath of air out from Nicky's lungs. It's one she's not entirely sure of a proper response. A hand is stroked affectionately along the outline of her sleeping girlfriend's face while her brown orbs peer uneasily across at Alex. "In all honesty, Alex, I have no clue. Lorna didn't talk much about what happened and there was no way I was going to pry into her about anything…not right now, anyway. The poor girl's been through a lot for three days, she needs to rest and feel safe with the people who love her. The best thing, I think, we can do is show her some compassion and love," her voice gradually drifts into a whisper above the crown of Lorna's head. She brushes it softly with her lips.

"I don't get it," the dark-haired woman grumbles, shaking her head exhaustively. She crosses her arms over her chest and lets out a sharp breath.

Nicky nods intuitively, huffing out a frustrated breath of her own. "Me either. What reason is there for anyone to wanna ever lay a finger on  _Lorna?_  Of all fucking people? There's no way in hell someone as sweet as her could ever do something worthy of the vile abuse Vinny's showed her—absolutely no way!" She tries to keep the rage from coming out too heavily, but that's proving to be quite the challenge—thoughts of everything that man's caused her lover has her blood boiling.

The not-so-subtle yelling immediately jolts Lorna worriedly awake. Her eyes widely gaze around the room, terrified she'll find Vinny lurking somewhere near. A strong bout of relief is felt when she only sees Nicky and Alex in her presence. She hopes and prays that he's been found and caught by the police by now. She can't handle his being out on the streets any longer. Not after what she's just experienced, she knows.

"Baby go back to sleep," the redhead murmurs, instantly softening her demeanor when she notices Lorna's doe-brown eyes peering up at her. She nuzzles her chin lovingly against the brown waves that make up the top of her head. "I didn't mean to wake ya, kid."

"I, I was scared that it was Vinny," Lorna whispers, too afraid to speak any louder.

Cupping her head very delicately in her hands, Nicky takes in every inch of her face. She runs a finger softly along the pale skin, paying extra attention to the worry-lines etched above on her forehead. "No Vinny. You're safe now; you're with me. He's not gonna come anywhere near you, my baby, not anymore. I'll be right here, right next to you—I'll slice his head off if he tries to come find you. I mean it, doll."

Watching the two silently from her chair, Alex feels a slight rush of warmth tear through her body. It warms her heart immensely to see how strongly Nicky cares—and loves—for her best friend. She's beyond grateful that the two have met and Nicky's helped Lorna to come so far. Even now, though she has another painful obstacle to face, she knows with the redhead by her side, her friend will come out of this a stronger woman.

"I'm so sorry, kid," her raspy voice whispers as she cautiously reaches over to grab hold of one of Lorna's small hands. She gives it a comforting squeeze, letting her light orbs gaze intently down into dark ones.

The gentle touch that usually calms her makes her flinch slightly. Lorna bows her head, guilty for her own actions, and mumbles an incoherent sentence.

Rubbing a tender hand up and down her back, Nicky peers down at the petite brunette with a warmth radiating from her dark irises. "What'd ya say, sweet girl? It's okay; you don't have to be shy around us…we love you," she softly assures her, combing her fingers lightly through brown wavy hair.

"I didn't mean to."

"Didn't mean to what? You okay, kid?" Alex decides to cautiously enter the conversation, concerned at her best friend's flinch from her touch. It makes her wonder what all went on during her kidnapping. What has Vinny done to her now?

Lorna peers away from both women. She hides her face in Nicky's chest, the only place she feels completely safe for the time being. "I didn't mean to," she mumbles again, snaking her arms tight around the redhead's neck. The relief of being with people who care for her is almost overwhelming to her. It may have only been days that Vinny kept her locked up in the cottage, but to her it felt like an eternity.

"What, baby, what didn't ya mean to do? What's on your mind? Why do ya think you've done something?" The questions spill rapidly from Alex's mouth as she tries her hardest to refrain from touching her again—not wanting to make her uncomfortable by any means. Yet, the thought alone that her gentle gesture had her best friend of decades flinch away forms an unsettling knot in the pit of her stomach.

"I, I don't know…I can't remember but I-I really didn't mean to."

Taking Lorna's head into her hands, Nicky quirks an eyebrow with a fierce worry flooding her own face. She lets the palms of her hands caress delicately along the sides of her cheeks. "I think it's best ya just go back to sleep, what do ya think? You've had a hell of a rough few days, baby…ya gotta be drained, yeah?"

"I think Nicky makes a good point…it's probably the best thing for ya right now to get some sleep. You shouldn't have to worry about discussing what happened. We'll save that for another day," Alex gently agrees, still keeping her distance from the tiny brunette. It rips the inside of her heart ever so slightly to have to refrain herself from giving her own friend any comfort—yet, she realizes that it's only temporary to keep Lorna from feeling uneasy, so she does her best to not let her emotions show. The last thing she wants is to upset Lorna anymore than she can imagine she already is.

* * *

Early the next morning, the sound of someone's messing about with the IV-line that runs through her arm rapidly awakens Lorna from her slumber. Without having knowledge of who the person is, a strong bout of fear begins to build up inside of her. Quickly, her body begins to quiver at the faint touches along her arm. She pops open her eyes and almost feels guilty when she finds the culprit of such actions to only be Gloria.

"I'm sorry," she shakily mumbles, too ashamed to look at either of the other women. She busies her hands with the sheets that lay over her, pulling them all the way up over her shivering shoulders.

Placing a fresh bandage over top of the line, Gloria peers warmly down at her patient and shakes her head fiercely. " _Sorry?_  You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, sweetie. It's okay—I'm not bothered that my touch frightened ya…you've endured hell, I'm sure, while being trapped with that vile monster of a man. That's his fault, Lorna, not yours."

Sitting in the chair right beside Lorna's head, Nicky nods her head agreeably with the Hispanic woman. Brown eyes look softly down into the slightly panicked ones of her girlfriend; she bends close to her so that their lips brush soothingly together. "She's absolutely right, my doll. There's not a damn thing ya need to be sorry for. You're just an innocent little angel—I swear to God the police better find Vinny before I kill him. That man needs to be put through his own line of torture after all the goddamn shit he's put you through," her teeth grind together to stop her voice from raising too much. She lets out a sharp breath while holding the brunette's face in her hands.

Gloria smiles sympathetically at the both of them as she moves along to Lorna's newly-placed feeding tube, very cautiously lifting her shirt just enough to display what she needs. The sight before her leaves a hard lump to sit in the back of her throat; after all the abuse and pain, the young brunette still has quite a pile of baggage to work through. She sighs sadly at the thought, taking the empty bag and replacing it with a full one.

Watching intently, Nicky quirks an uneasy eyebrow up at the Hispanic woman. Her arms continue to keep hold around her girlfriend's head, fingers brushing absently through dark hair. "What's that? Why does she have that?"

"The doctor said it's best Lorna's hooked up to a feeding tube—the blood results showed just how malnourished she is and until that improves, she will need to be tube-fed," the older woman gently answers once she finishes getting her patient properly hooked up again. She looks down at the tiny brunette—easily taking notice in the shame that seeps through her orbs—and pats her comfortingly on the forehead.

"My poor baby," is Nicky's soft whisper, breath trickling soothingly over Lorna's ear. Yet, she's not entirely surprised to hear such—ever since the first day the two met, she could very well see just how unhealthfully skinny the other is. A pang builds in her chest at the apparent embarrassment that is clearly etched on her girlfriend's red face. She shakes her head, pulling Lorna's closer to her and laying it softly in the crook of her neck.

"It's okay, baby, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're not any less of a person just because ya got a piece of plastic attached to ya. Seriously, kid, you're still so special and gorgeous— _nothing_  can ever change that."

Nodding, Gloria averts her light-brown eyes down to stare warmly into the youngest woman's. "Don't worry about it, Lorna. Your girlfriend is absolutely right— _nothing_ , especially not this –  _something you clearly need_  to get better – is capable of making you anything other than you. A sweet and kind young woman," her faint Spanish accent comfortingly assures her.

She lets a hand comb gently through her hair before she stands back up and heads over to the vitals cart she uses to aide in the checking of each of her patients. "I'll be back this afternoon to check on ya and change the tube again—you two take care, ya hear?" When she receives two nods as her response, a soft smile forms and she deems it okay for her to vacate the room.

The door's clicking shut has an anxious breath of air slowly exhale from Lorna's body. She can feel the tube's sticking out in her skin and it quickly begins to irritate her. A reminder of what she's done to herself, she aggravatingly thinks. "Ya should leave," she finds herself mumbling, eyes focusing on the quite faint vein that runs along the outline of Nicky's neck.

"I should  _leave_? Why's that, my doll?" The redhead arches a concerned eyebrow while stroking a hand tenderly through her short brown waves of hair. A kiss is soothingly dropped atop her head.

Lorna bows her head, her bottom lip almost unnoticeably quivering. "Leave before it's too late," she whispers in a broken voice—one she can't even recognize as her own.

"Leave before what's too late? What're ya talkin' about, baby? You're not making any bit of sense."

"Just leave. You, you shouldn't be trapped here…in a relationship like this, Nicky. It's not fair," sniffles escape after nearly every word that's muttered out of the brunette's tremoring mouth.

Those words crack Nicky's heart to hear. Immediately, she wraps her arms snugger around her waist and pulls her closer. Lips stroke softly over two tear-soaked, bright red, cheeks. Forehead covers over forehead while she lets her eyes examine intently over her girlfriend—trying to search for any emotion that might be terrorizing her. " _Baby, I love you_. I love you so fucking much. Why the hell wouldn't I wanna stay here with ya? You need me, doll. You need my love and affection more than anything—there's no way in hell I'll leave you. What's making ya say this kinda shit, huh? What's going on in your sweet little head?"

Shaking her head, Lorna continues to keep it tilted down. The pain she feels pulses through her head and veins. As much as it hurts to tell the one woman she loves—who she can't imagine a life without—to walk away from her, she knows this is what's best for both of them. "I'm  _damaged_. You can't be with a damaged person, Nicky. I've been ruined—and I don't wanna damage you or nothin', too."

"That's  _exactly why_  you  _need_  me, Lorna. You need me to fix ya," Nicky murmurs lovingly, letting her lips press all over her face. She caresses the palms of her hand delicately around Lorna's damp flesh, taking in everything. "Please stop thinking this way; it's not good, kid. Ya can't do this to yourself—why do ya think I can't be with you just because you're "damaged"? Huh? Ya know I doubt there's a person on this entire planet who isn't damaged. You deserve to be loved, sweetie, regardless of what ya've gone through. Please believe that."

"But you—but ya don't understand."

" _What_  don't I understand? Tell me," Nicky lovingly inquiries, peering fiercely into her lover's pained brown orbs. She traces a finger lightly along the flesh of her cheek.

Swallowing thickly, the brunette shutters a tad at the words her doctor used to inform her of what happened the night before. It makes her ill to think that Vinny might have done certain things to her—even more so since she has no recollection of such. "I-I was unfaithful to-to ya, hon," she whispers, her voice noticeably strained and cracked.

"Lorna, what on earth are ya talking about? You were fucking kidnapped by your abusive ex—it's not like ya willingly went with him! For fuck's sake, he threw you in a damn trunk! He's the only one to blame and for me to hate," the older woman angrily cries.

Lorna profusely shakes her head; she timidly lifts it up to look directly at her girlfriend with solemn eyes. A hand is placed shakily over Nicky's shoulder, "The doctor said Vinny raped me and sexually assaulted me, Nicky…but I don't even remember it. I'm not good for you. He ruined me, and you deserve someone better, hon. Someone who isn't as fucked up and damaged as me."

Cheeks quickly turn a dark shade of red—not of embarrassment but of a boiling rage—to hear what her girlfriend's had done to her. It's even worse than she had imagined—the worst possible way to be violated, Lorna's endured. Everything inside Nicky fills with a-hard-to-control anger; just the thought of the woman she loves having to struggle underneath a vile human being like Vinny has her skin crawling.

"Oh, baby…my sweet baby," Nicky murmurs as she frames her hands delicately around the other's tear-stained cheeks. She soothingly leans their foreheads together and pecks a soft kiss over lightly quivering lips. Brushing the tips of her fingers feathery along her face, Nicky lets out a sad sigh. "You are the last person in this world who deserves to be hurt in such a fucking devilish way—Vinny better pray the cops get to him before me, I'd kill him in ten minutes flat. What the fuck is his problem? Why does he enjoy hurting such a sweetheart like you, huh?"

She stops herself and sucks in a sharp breath to help alleviate some of the building fury. As much as she'd like to let it unleash on the man who's done nothing but terrorize her lover, she knows that's not what Lorna needs. And Lorna  _is_  what's important, she sighs. "So, he fucking raped you? And you think you've been 'unfaithful' because of  _that_? Am I right so far, kid?"

Giving a timid shrug, Lorna's brown eyes twitch uncomfortably in their sockets. "That's what I've been told. But I-I don't remember. What if I… _I don't know_. It don't matter anyway—the point is I cheated on ya and don't deserve to be with you. You're too good for me, hon."

Shaking her head fiercely, a bout of frustration begins to run through the redhead's veins. Her hold on Lorna only tightens, pulling her closer in the process. " _It matters_ , it matters a whole fuckin' lot that Vinny fucking—god, just saying it makes the anger worse. He abused ya in the meanest way he could, Lorna. You didn't do a goddamn thing wrong! You better not think that. I swear to God. You better not put any of the blame on yourself—he's the one that forced ya to have sex with him. It was so traumatic that you can't even remember it—that makes me wanna shoot his brains out. He  _doesn't_ deserve to be alive. Lorna, stop. Fucking stop saying that you're not good enough or don't deserve me—that's bullshit. I love you with my whole heart and I'm not going to stop. You need my love and will always fucking have it. Is that understood, baby?"

"I love you too, Nicky. That's why I don't want to be a bother to ya anymore. I don't think I'm fixable…and ya shouldn't have to deal with that. How is that fair?"

"So,  _what_? You shouldn't be with someone who loves you and wants to take care of ya just because  _you_  claim you're too broken? Why, baby, do you think you're not worthy of me? What possible reason do ya have to think that? Do you think I'd leave ya just because you have a lotta baggage? Please talk to me; help me understand, sweetie."

Lorna inhales a hard breath; she shakes her head, "Why would ya wanna stick around?  _I don't get it_. Why do ya wanna put up with someone like me?"

Arching an inquisitive eyebrow, Nicky pecks her lips lovingly over the brunette's. She snakes her arms protectively around her small waist and yanks her up against her chest. " _Because_  you're my baby and I love you. I will do anything I can for you, Lorna. Get that through your head, yeah? Put up with you? There's nothing to put up with—you're the absolute sweetest thing I've ever met.  _It's not_  your fault you've been through hell many times over. You didn't ask for any a that shit, kid."

"Yeah, well, what if—what if I did? Why else would he do that stuff to me?"

Nicky grits her teeth roughly at hearing such an inquiry. Her eyes darken as they peer fiercely down at her girlfriend. "What the fuck? Why the hell would you even think something like that? Let me make it clear to you—what Vinny did was because he wanted to cause you pain, he liked to see you hurting and suffering. He's a sick, nasty, piece of shit. What he did to you is his doing. You didn't do anything or ask for it. Is that what he put in your head? Did he say that kinda shit to you while he had ya locked away? What's bringing on all this self-hate and negativity so suddenly?" Anger slowly morphs into compassion; she lifts Lorna's chin to face her and feels her chest tighten at the clear anxiety that lurks in her orbs. Softly, she inches closer to brush a comforting kiss against her lips.

"I'm not mad at you, baby, don't worry. I just…I don't like when you get like this. I don't like to hear my baby talk shit about herself—it hurts me when you hurt."

The warmth that encompasses her from being in the older woman's strong embrace has her eyes squeeze shut. Lorna burrows closer, trying to strengthen the secure sensation she's being washed with. "It's not about the abuse and stuff he did before. I don't remember being raped or having any kind of sexual contact with him. I wouldn'ta let it happen, Nicky. I-I was just real scared because he threw me onto the floor and was gonna choke me so I think I hid inside my mind…and that Lorraine person, I-I think she mighta came out."

Stroking a hand softly up and down her back, Nicky nods encouragingly. "Shh, it's okay baby. Keep going. What else can ya remember? Do you know what she did?"

"I don't know what she did, Nicky. I just—I know she had to a come out. And she probably had sex with him…I don't know.  _I'm sorry_ ," the brunette sniffles, hiding her face in the redhead's chest.

Dropping a small kiss to the top of her head, a small sigh escapes from her throat. Nicky tightens her hold on the quivering Italian, trying her hardest to keep it together for the both of them. The last thing either of them need is for Lorna's illness to be triggered. " _Don't_. Don't you be sorry, doll-face. It doesn't matter if Lorraine had sex with him or he forced her—either way, baby,  _it's rape_. You have a serious mental condition and Vinny took advantage of that  _and_  you. He knows full well what he did is wrong. You didn't do anything. You just—you did the only thing ya could in a terrifying situation. I'm not mad at you for anything that happened; I know it's not your fault.  _You_  need to know that, sweetie. You can't fucking control your alters or what other people do."

Lorna meekly lifts her head just enough to be able to gaze up at the other. A large sniffle shakes through her body as she wraps her arms tight around Nicky's neck. "You're a real angel, Nicky. I-I don't know what I'll do without ya," she murmurs, her breath soft against her flesh.

"You will never be without me to find out. I love ya way too much to ever leave you. Please stop thinking this way, Lorna baby, it's nothing but a very bullshit thought. Can you please promise me you'll stop? I swear on everything that's holy that I will never ever leave you. I'm gonna be right here with you and help ya work through everything—the illness, the pain,  _everything._  I love you with all that's inside of me, beautiful girl."

* * *

Late that evening, with much reluctance and heavy persuading by Lorna, Nicky finds herself sitting at a local restaurant with Alex and Poussey while slowly picking at the food on her plate. All she wants, after the last agonizing few days, is to be by her girlfriend's side taking care of her. Yet, she knows it's in  _both_  of their best interests if she looks after herself as well. That's the only reason she agreed to go out with their friends—or rather  _the second_  only reason since Lorna has to spend the next few hours talking with the police department about all that she's endured.

"Ya gonna actually take a bite of it or just keep pushing it around?" Poussey's the first to break the long silence, her dark eyes looking over the table sympathetically at the oldest woman.

Nicky lets out a grunt and stabs the pasta a bit roughly with the fork. She brings it to her mouth, chewing furiously. It seems like a million different emotions are flooding her mind at the moment. Rage, hatred, sorrow—everything all at once. This must be what it's like for many of her patients, who suffer from an array of mental conditions, feel like, she thinks.

Gently reaching over the wooden table, Alex places a soothing hand against the clearly distressed redhead. She sighs, knowing all too well the sensation. It's infuriating to think about everything her best friend's had to go through in only the past few days—yet alone the entire last decade. "You must be exhausted, yeah? I can bet ya stayed up the entire night keeping an eye on Lorna, huh?" She's beyond grateful that Lorna has a woman like Nicky in her life. When Nicky loves, she loves with all of her and that's exactly the kind of love her best friend  _needs_ — _deserves_.

"I had to. Lorna needs me right now, more than anything. I just—she's been through something worse than I coulda ever fucking guessed. I still can't completely process it, Alex. It enrages me so damn much…I wanna fucking pour gasoline over Vinny and watch him burn alive!"

"Whoa," the darkest skin woman exclaims, nearly chocking on her soda. Her brown eyes avert up to stare over at Nicky. "Musta been something pretty evil for ya to wanna kill him so ruthlessly, hmm? I mean I'm sure he deserves it after what I've heard about him from the two a ya. But damn."

Clutching Poussey's hand death-grippingly-tight in her own, Alex inhales a sharp breath in effort to keep herself from getting too worked up. "What the devil do to her now? It can't be worse than forcing her to have her stomach cut into, can it?"

Nicky nods slowly,  _furiously_. "Oh,  _it is._  A thousand times worse," she growls, slamming her fork onto the napkin beside her plate. "According to the doctor, Lorna's been sexually assaulted and raped. By Vinny. The worst way a person can be violated and it's been done to Lorna. The sweetest little angel in the world— _how_  can any fucking person wanna do something so evil to her?"

Hearing that, Alex immediately sees red. Her death-grip on her girlfriend only grows stronger. "Where the fuck is Vinny? He better be in a prison far away from here or I'm gonna pay him a visit. How dare he hurt her in such a sick, perverted, way. I never trusted him with her, not even in the beginning. I knew there was something fucked up about him but I ignored it because Lorna was so happy. So happy to finally have someone love her—or who she thought loved her. Poor thing. She's too sweet and loving for her own good."

" _No one_  is paying a man like Vinny a visit, Alex. He deserves no contact with anyone. That's what he wants—he wants you and Nicky to get mad, to come see him. The best thing is to let him rot there and focus on Lorna. She's got a lotta shit to work through, clearly, and she can't do that if her girlfriend/therapist and best friend are both locked up for committing murder."


	22. Chapter 22

_Chapter Twenty-Two_

_A warm spring weekend it was that four-year-old Lorna excitedly bounced up the steps to her Nonna's and Nonno's house. Spending time with them never failed to put a smile on her face—they always had something to spoil their youngest grandchild with. She quickly released her mother's hand and brought it up to press the button that sounds the doorbell. A whole weekend, a thrilling event, spent with them while her parents were out of town. She couldn't wait for the fun to start._

_"Oh, come in, come in." Lorna's grandmother beamed while motioning for the family of five to enter her home. She took each of her three grandkids into her arms, squeezing them with all of her strength. "My little bambinas—nonna's missed you lots; we're gonna have a great time! And you," she squealed in her thick Italian accent, grabbing onto the smallest child's puffy little cheek, "My, my, little Lorna how you've grown. Look at that thick head of curls—reminds me of your papa so much. Joe had the same thick hair when he was a little bambino."_

_The four-year-old child giggled and shook her head, pulling on her nonna's arm. "I'm not a baby—I'm a big girl, nonna. I'm gonna go to big kid school soon like Mikey and Fran-Fran," her high-pitched voice ecstatically chirped, big brown eyes gazing up into green ones._

_Nodding her head, Antonette Morello stifled out a laugh. She released the three children from her arms and settled onto the sofa that took up space in front of a rather bulky television sitting on a stand slanting catty-corner the fireplace mantle. "You'll always be the baby, la mia bella ragazza (my beautiful girl). You bambinas grow up too fast."_

_"Ain't that the truth? These three sure give us a run for our money," Stansie Morello chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to each of their three heads. She pushed herself off of the couch, gave a quick embrace to her mother-in-law, and followed her husband to the door. Before the two left, she turned to her children with a stern expression sitting on her face. "Now, you three better be real good for them. I don't wanna hear that any a ya gave them a hard time, ya hear me? Dad and I will be back on Sunday to pick ya up. I'll be calling to check in with Nonna and Nonno so I'll know if you're outta hand."_

_With the door's clacking shut, the three young children jumped euphorically off the sofa and followed their grandmother out to the backyard. Instead of joining her brother and sister in the sandbox, Lorna skipped off to the garden where she caught glimpse of her Nonno—sat out on the dirt, digging up fresh plots for new crops. "Hi Nonny," she squeaked, referring to her grandfather by the nickname she had for him since she was only a toddler._

_"Well, well, if it isn't Nonno's favorite little cherry," a strong Italian accent greeted the small little girl. Dante Morello stood up from the dirt, taking the muck-covered gloves off of his wrinkling hands and engulfed his youngest grandchild into a big bear-hug. He combed a hand through her dark curls and then placed her back on the ground._

_Lorna smiled, looking up at her grandfather with her big brown orbs. He was always her favorite—her earliest memories were of the two of them sitting out in this very garden, picking tomatoes and peppers together for Nonna to cook with. Her brother and sister preferred to run through the acres of grass or horse around on the small playground but she—even when she was only two years of age—enjoyed following her Nonno around and watching him work. It was a special bond she shared with him, something that not everyone had, and she cherished it lavishly._

_"What are you planting, nonny? Can I help?" She asked, jumping up and down enthusiastically. Digging in the mud and getting her hands messy was something Lorna loved to do. It was even more fun when she did it alongside her grandpa, she thought._

_Folding his arms over his chest, the short Italian man stared over at the eager four-year-old with a generous smile on his face. "Just a bunch of tomato plants—Nonna refuses to buy them at the market anymore. She only puts Morello-certified tomatoes in her sauce, so, I gotta keep the wife happy," he chuckled, patting Lorna's head gently. "I've just finished getting them all in, topolina (little mouse); you can help me water them later after supper."_

* * *

_Shortly after Lorna's fifth birthday was when she realized the relationship between she and her grandfather seemed to change. After the passing of her Nonna—from a fast-spreading lung cancer—she noticed, first-hand, that Nonno Morello became a lot meaner towards her siblings and especially herself. Instead of spending time out in the garden with him as they used to do, she found herself being locked in his bedroom for hours at a time. She didn't understand why it was only she that he would keep in his room—why not Mikey and Franny too? She would ask and he'd always respond with, "You're the spitting image of my Antonette."_

* * *

_Going to Nonno's house was a dreaded event and today was no different as Lorna all but crawled her way out of the car and up along the fading path that led to the front porch. She didn't even have her brother and sister to get through the long weekend with her since they were old enough to go to summer camp, now. A melancholic sigh escaped from her mouth while she hid between her mother's legs._

_"What're ya doing, my little wallflower?" Stansie questioned after ringing the doorbell. She reached her arms down and scooped her petite little girl into them, bringing her up towards her face. Hazel orbs peered worriedly into brown ones. "Why are you being shy, Lorna? You love spending time with Nonno—you're always telling me how much ya love playing in the garden with him. I bet you'll have that same amount a fun this weekend, too. Don't ya think?"_

_Lorna wrapped her tiny arms snug around her mother's neck and hid her face in it. That's the last thing Nonno would let her do, she fearfully thought. "I don't wanna be away from you and daddy—I'll miss you too much," her little voice pleaded, half-truth and half-lie. The real reason she knew she didn't want to stay—alone—with her grandfather was because he'd spend the whole time drinking some kind of juice that made him mean and angry at her. That was not something she looked forward to._

_"I know ya miss us but you'll be fine, pretty one. Nonno always takes good care a ya. It's only two days," Mrs. Morello gently reassured her daughter, pressing a small kiss over her forehead._

_When the door finally swiveled open just a few moments later, Lorna very meekly walked inside behind her mother. She didn't dare look up at her grandpa—he seemed to hide his mean side from her parents. "Oh, topolina, we're gonna have a really fun weekend; you and I," she heard him say and felt his bony arms encircle her in a less-than-desired embrace._

_Stansie watched from the door and smiled at the sight. Those two were always so close, she mused. "I told her ya would," she agreed, and gave a wave to her curly-haired child, "Bye, my wallflower; Daddy and I will be here on Sunday morning to get ya. Be good, I love ya."_

* * *

_Left alone with his granddaughter, Dante immediately released his arms from the child and didn't even flinch when her small body clunked against the hard-wood floor. Instead, he walked over to a cabinet in the dining room—just a few steps out of the living room—and yanked out a rather large bottle of Campari. He placed it on the granite counter of the bar beneath and grabbed a small crystal glass from below, filling it with the red liquid._

_"Nonny, my-my nose is bleeding," Lorna's sniffling voice brought an irritation to the Italian man. She stood in the archway, her dainty hands covering her nose as a way to keep her clothes from being covered in blood._

_Guzzling down the entire glass in one swift sip, Mr. Morello shook his head hard and poured himself another glass. "What do you want me to do about that, topolina? You should be more careful next time. Here," he thought, after a moment, taking the bottle of liquor over to Lorna with him and pouring a dab into its cap. "This should disinfect that nose real good," he chuckled, removing her hands and dumping the liquid over her bleeding flesh._

_The contact immediately had a jolt of electric pain run through her body. "Ow," she sobbed, pushing away from her clearly funny-acting grandfather. Her big brown eyes looked up at him horrifically. "That hurt…why are you so mean, nonny? I thought I was your favorite cherry? You never used to yell and be mean to me. I don't like it."_

_"Yeah? Well, that was before you started constantly reminding me of your nonna. Antonette was the one and only love of my life and now all I'm stuck with is you and the other two little merdas (shits)! Drink this and shut the hell up," Dante howled, his face red with a drunken anger, and forced the open bottle into her mouth, letting it pour down for a good five seconds._

_The overwhelming bitter taste instantly triggered Lorna's gag reflex causing it to come right back out and fall all over her legs. Now, not only did her nose hurt considerably bad but she felt sticky all over. Tears rolled down her rosy cheeks heavily at that point. "I don't like that; it tastes yucky, nonny. Why do ya have to be so mean?"_

_"The same reason you're a spoilt monello (brat)," the man roared, infuriated with the mess she's made all over both herself and his neatly polished wood-floor. He forced the crying brunette to stand and pulled her along to the kitchen, finding a broom and dust-pan from the cupboard near the door. Roughly, he threw them both into Lorna's tiny arms, "Go clean my floor right now. You dirtied it, cagna (bitch) and now you better fix that."_

* * *

_It was late in the night, long after Lorna went to bed in the guestroom she used to share with her brother and sister, when the door very gradually screeched open. The brunette child slept soundly in her twin-sized bed with her big curls of hair sprawled against the pillow and her thumb instinctively in her little mouth. Usually, she could sleep through anything—many times her older brother would have to pounce on her to wake her up in the mornings—but this time, at the sensation of someone's causing the mattress to sink heavily, brown eyes rapidly popped open._

_"Nonny? Why are you in here? It's night time," the little girl wondered, staring up at him with frightened brown orbs. She pulled the blanket up to her chin, trying to shield herself from the elder man._

_Allowing himself to squeeze in the bed beside his youngest granddaughter, he smiled down at her—clearly still intoxicated from another, recent, round of alcohol consumption. "Your nonna and I were planning to name our daughter Lorraine but ended up with Giuseppe. He and your mother were told to name their first daughter Lorraine but they didn't listen and she's a Francine—some name that is, it ain't even very Italian. And then came Michael, not Italian at all, and when Stansie announced you were going to be a girl, I begged and pleaded they finally give you the proper name of Lorraine Antonette. Instead, as they so often did, they went against our wishes and called you Lorna. Your mother just likes to fanculo with us. Not my favorite daughter-in-law, never knew what Joe saw in that puttana (whore)," he muttered, absently running a hand along the skin of her face. A laugh escaped through his larynx as he slowly pulled the blanket from her quivering body._

_"So, from now on, whenever you're here with me, I'm calling you Lorraine. We'll keep this a secret, how's that? You're first one, I bet," Dante smirked while letting one of his wrinkled hands run down her petite body._

_Flinching at the sudden—uncomfortable—touch, Lorna looked over at him and shook her head. "My name's_ Lorna _, nonno. I wanna be called Lorna. Why are you in my bed? I don't like that."_

_Dante quirked an eyebrow at the little girl, a rage flashing in his dark eyes. "_ Your _bed? Are you the one who bought it and built it yourself? I don't think so, topolina. I can be in this bed with you if I so please. You don't tell your nonno what to do in his house, hear me? You are Lorraine and that's how you will be addressed here. That's final," his deep, heavily-accented, voice boomed through the small room._

_Without any further argument, he carefully situated himself so that he was hovering above Lorna's tiny body. A large sneer sat on his plump face as he very slowly lifted her princess-patterned nightgown and tore the panties from her bony legs. "Look just like Antonette when your naked—I mean as best as you can for a little school girl. Oh, god, Lorraine, your nonna had the body of a sixteen-year-old up until the day she passed. With her genes, you might be half-as-lucky," he whispered, winking an eye at her, while allowing his hand to grope her fragile privates._

_"What are you doing, nonny? Mommy and daddy told me that only_ I'm _allowed to touch those parts. Stop it, I don't like that!"_

_"What did I tell you about telling your elders what to do? You are in my bedroom, in my house, piccola ragazza—that means you do whatever it is I say and you let nonno do what he wants. Is that understood, Lorraine?"_

_Lorna stiffly nodded her head, her cheeks soaking with fresh tears. "Yes, nonno, but my name's Lorna. Remember?"_

_Lifting his hand momentarily from her bare private region, he moved it up towards her face and slapped it hard enough to leave a mark. His dark brown irises poured fiercely into her teary ones. "Are you this stupido? What l'inferno did I just get done explaining to you? In your Nonno's house you will be referred to as Lorraine. No ands, ifs, or buts about it," his voice hissed before he resumed the earlier position of brushing his hand along her genital region. A smug smirk sat on his face the entire time he touched her, being reminded of the time he'd spent doing this same exact thing to his wife decades earlier._

* * *

Nicky jogs as briskly as she can down the long hallway to her girlfriend's assigned room. A frantic phone call from Red—who decided to pay Lorna a visit while the redhead was out with her old roommates—immediately ended the little outing. Even a few feet out from the door, she can easily hear the poignant shrieks and cries of her clearly distraught lover. A hard lump she swallows before entering inside—bracing herself for what she might be about to walk into.

"Oh, Nicky, thank God," the Russian woman cries out in relief as she jumps up from her chair and walks towards her worried daughter. She shakes her head out of sympathy, blue eyes staring between the thrashing brunette and her Nicky. "She's been like this for the past half-hour. I tried to console her but she only growls at my touch. I don't know what else I can do for her. She was fine when I first stopped in…but an hour after she fell asleep, this is what happened."

Placing a comforting hand on her panicky mother's shoulder, Nicky sighs and gently squeezes it. There has to be something more that's happened to her girlfriend while being held captive, she thinks and she's determined to find out just what that is. "It's okay, ma. I'll take care a her, now. She's probably just having a nightmare or somethin'—I still don't know exactly what she was put through with Vinny. Just go home and don't worry about anything; I'll call ya later, yeah?"

Nodding her head slowly, Red lets her eyes give one last—empathetic—glance towards Lorna before pulling her daughter in for a strong embrace. She brushes her lips affectionately over her forehead and smiles sadly at the young woman. "You're an outstanding young lady, you know that? Lorna's lucky to have you, Nicky. If you need anything, please call me. I don't want you to ware yourself out. I love you, my sweet daughter. I'll stop by another day when Lorna's feeling a bit more herself," her voice warm with compassion for her little girl; she embraces her one last time and then quietly heads out of the door.

With a large amount of caution, the redhead makes her way over to the bed that her highly distressed girlfriend lies in. The sight has her heart sit heavy inside her chest—she's never seen Lorna thrash about like this before. A sigh tumbles out from her mouth as she sits on the edge of the mattress, reaching down to delicately touch the other's face. To see her visibly flinch afterwards, she knows for sure that something's not right.

"Lorna, doll, open your eyes and look at me. You're safe—nobody's here but you and me. I promise; it's okay."

Nicky cradles the tremoring brunette's head in her hands and watches intently for any signs of movement. She strokes her lips delicately over the flesh of her forehead, hoping to somehow lure her out of whatever world she seems to be stuck in. "I mean it, sweetheart, you're safe.  _Please_  wake up and let me see your gorgeous eyes," her husky voice pleads, breath hot against Lorna's lips.

Seconds later, she can feel the petite body stirring against her own and is washed with a strong bout of relief. Her hands comb tenderly through stringy brown hair as she patiently waits for her to fully awaken.

Groggily, brown eyes peak out and warily up at the clearly evident concerned face of her girlfriend. Terror quickly consumes her, she immediately pulls away from the arms that hold her and pulls her knees up to her chest. She rocks back and forth, staring up at the unfamiliar woman with a childlike innocence seeping from her orbs.

"Who, who are you?" The Italian woman inquiries, her voice a slight pitch higher than normal—sounding almost as if it belonged to a small child rather than a grown adult.

"Who am I— _baby_ , you know who I am. It's me,  _Nicky_ , your girlfriend," the older woman unnervingly responds, staring her over with an apprehensive curved eyebrow. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Shaking her head profusely, Lorna backs away even further from her. She rests her chin over her legs and peers across at Nicky puzzlingly. "I don't know you. Please leave me alone. I don't wanna get in trouble," she pleads, her voice not much louder than a whisper.

Realizing this could possibly be another alter, Nicky decides to take a different route. Placing a warm smile on her face, she nods her head and gets up to sit on the chair beside the bed. She scoots it as close to her girlfriend's side as it can be. "I'm not here to get you in trouble, I promise. I'm here to help you. What's your name?"

"Lorna," the brunette mumbles, only continuing the rocking motion. She swallows thickly and points to the door. "You have to leave before he comes in. Please—I don't want him to yell at me anymore."

Quirking an eyebrow, Nicky feels even more baffled with this entire situation. If this is Lorna, why is she claiming to not know her? The question bounces around in her mind. Unless, she thinks, this is a "child" alter of herself. And that, she internalizes, makes this even more perplexing—Lorna never shared with her an abusive childhood in any of their sessions or conversations. Rubbing her temples out of frustration, she takes in a sharp breath and slowly exhales.

"Who's gonna come in here and yell at you? How old are you, kid?"

Covering her face in her hands, Lorna shakes her head. "My nonno," she murmurs, keeping her face hidden. "I'm five. Why are you asking so many questions? I'm not allowed to talk to strangers. Mommy and daddy said so."

Hearing that causes a shiver to run down Nicky's spine. There's a dark past her girlfriend's endured—one darker than Vinny—and it makes her insides all but churn at the thought. It's never been brought up, so, she ponders if Lorna has any recollection of what this event might be. Something terrible had to have happened during her stay with Vinny, something bad enough to bring this dark incident to the surface.

"It's okay, sweetie, I'm not a stranger. I'm Nicky—I'm here to help you, I mean it. Why don't you tell me about your nonno—is he mean to you? I know I'm asking a lot of questions but that's just because I want to help."

"Nonno drinks mean juice and yells at me after. I don't like staying at his house anymore—he locks me in his bedroom and it makes me sad. He never locks Mikey or Franny in there," the brunette sadly responds, bowing her head. The bottom of her lip faintly begins to tremble.

Nicky feels her heart sink at the pure child-like nature of her girlfriend's actions. It makes her want to scoop her in her arms and rock away the hurt she seems to be damned with. Reluctantly, however, she refrains herself and instead pushes her chair a tiny bit closer. "He locks you in his bedroom? By yourself or does he stay in there with you, sweetheart? Aww, no, don't cry—you're okay, little one, I promise. Your Nonno's not here."

The short brunette gazes cautiously up at the other. "Sometimes he would stay and do yucky things to me. There-there was one time that I spent the weekend there while mommy and daddy were away…and nonno came into my room at night. He woke me up," a clear tremor is heard through her voice.

Nausea sets in for Nicky. Being raped and sexually abused as an adult is cruel in of itself but as a child—that makes her skin crawl. She can't even fathom how disturbed a person must be to even think of touching a little girl or boy. Just the pure thought of that makes her sick to her stomach. Composing herself, she softens her eyes as she peers down at the small child that seems to be trapped in her girlfriend's body. "You wanna tell me what your nonno did to you? Did he hurt you?"

"He took my nightgown and underwear off me and hurt my private spot. I told him that mommy and daddy said no one was allowed to touch that but me…but nonno said he was allowed to because it was his house. It was really scary and I don't like my nonno no more."

Swallowing a lump, Nicky's heart aches tremendously for the young woman. She stares lovingly down at her and holds out her arms, "Can I hold you, baby? You need a hug, don't you? I promise I'm not gonna hurt you, Lorna. I just want to snuggle you and make you feel safe. You've been through something no precious little girl should ever be forced to endure. I'm so sorry, little angel."

Craving physical contact, (child) Lorna quickly gives in and crawls desperately over to the taller woman—letting her body collapse against Nicky's. She wraps her arms snug around her neck, burying her face in it. "Where's my mommy and daddy? I wanna go home, Nicky. Can you take me to my home, p-please?"

Such innocent questions strengthens the pang that sits in Nicky's chest. Her arms encircle protectively around the tremoring brunette's body. A soft, soothing, kiss she presses against her forehead. "Shh, shh," she hushes comfortingly into Lorna's ear, brushing a strand of hair delicately around it. "Right now, sweetie, it'd be best if ya just shut your eyes and try to nap. You look so exhausted, little one; hard to sleep at Nonno's house, huh?"

Lorna bobs her head up and down against the calming chest that sits beneath where she lie. "I'm too scared to sleep when he's around. He tries to sleep in the bed with me and touch me, Nicky. I don't like that."

"I know, baby, I know," Nicky soothes, letting her lips press butterfly kisses on each of her cheeks. She takes a blanket off the bed and wraps it around the two of them. Her head bends down slightly so that her eyes are peering directly into Lorna's, "You don't have anything to be scared of now that you're with me. I'm gonna take care of you and protect you, my sweet baby. Nobody will ever lay a finger on you again. You're safe in my arms, little angel—I promise." She presses a light kiss to the tip of the petite woman's nose. "Close your eyes now, little one, it's okay…everything's okay. You can sleep; I'm not going anywhere. If your nonno comes, I'll be right here to stop him. No one is going to hurt you anymore. Not with me in your life."

* * *

When brown eyes look from out of their lids only an hour later, Nicky immediately sits up in her chair and takes a long stare over the petite Italian. " _Lorna?_  Is that you, kid?" She cautiously scoots closer, searching very thoroughly over her girlfriend's face. There's no fear or anger noted; a hopeful sensation seeps through her that this is truly Lorna in the bed beside her.

Sitting herself up, the brunette warily nods while peering back at Nicky with a quirked eyebrow. " _Who else_  would I be, hon? You okay, Nicky?" Lovingly, she reaches her hand over to place on the redhead's forehead to check that she's not running a fever or anything out of the blue.

The answer has Nicky's body tore over with a large bout of relief. A soft smile takes form on her face as she bends down to peck a tender kiss over her lover's lips. She allows one of her hands to cup around her cheek while the other is used to brush strands of loose hair from her face. "I'm fine—it's  _you_  I'm worried about, baby. I'm just so glad to see you," her breath trickles warmly against the other's mouth.

"Did something happen? I mean you were only gone an hour, Nicky…and Red stopped by to visit, kept me good company til' I fell asleep," Lorna cautiously answers, wrapping her arms around the taller woman's neck and kissing her back just as softly.

Combing a delicate hand through her hair, a small sigh whistles from her throat. On one hand, Nicky's never been known to sugarcoat anything to anyone; however, the last thing she wants to do is cause an already frail Lorna to become any frailer. "It's nothing serious, kid. Ma called me about an hour ago and told me you were thrashing around—quite violently—in your sleep so I rushed here. You musta just been having a nightmare, yeah?"

Lorna shakes her head puzzlingly. She would have remembered if she had a nightmare in her sleep—they're always vivid and horrifying to endure. A slight shiver runs down her spine at the information that's been shared. "I don't think I hadda nightmare…Please be honest with me, hon. I know ya think I'm weak but I'm really not. Did something, did something happen with my mental illness?"

" _You are not_ weak, doll. I  _do not_  and  _will never_  think that about you," Nicky sternly informs her lover, using the tips of her four fingers to cradle underneath the other's chin—lifting it so that she can gaze affectionately into her eyes. "You're the strongest woman I've ever met, kid," she murmurs, thinking back on the incident that has shockingly been brought to light to her. It's still raw and uneasy to digest. Everything inside her aches at the thought of a vulnerable mini-Lorna being forcefully groped by her own grandfather—a person who's supposed to protect her and keep her safe from predators like himself.

"I don't want to alarm ya or anything. You've really had a hell of a past few days, ya know? I think it's best if we just not worry about that right now; you really don't need to be stressing over it, baby. Ya got a lotta other shit to deal with at the moment."

Nuzzling her cheek lovingly against the side of the redhead's face, Lorna lets her eyes pour piercingly into the big brown ones of her girlfriend. She pokes her fingers daintily onto her cheeks' soft plump flesh. "You can tell me, hon. I'm not gonna fall apart over it. I have you, don't I?"

The words instantly plaster a soft smile on Nicky's face. She leans their foreheads gently together, caressing her fingers around her lover's porcelain skin. "That's right, my baby, you have me and always will. I love you with all of my heart, for eternity," she hums, her lips hovering a mere centimeter from the other's.

Without hesitation, Lorna seals their lips together in a slow, sweet, kiss. And, as much as she longs to continue it, she reluctantly pulls away and gives a serious stare up at the woman she loves. She needs to know exactly what might possibly have occurred while she'd been 'asleep'. "I love you too, hon. I'll love ya even more when ya tell me what happened. Please?"

"Okay…okay, doll," she gives in, pressure gradually rising in her chest. Curling a strand of brown hair neatly behind her ear, Nicky sucks in a deep breath and pulls the small girl closer, pecking her softly on the top of her head. "I, uh, I met another alter. When I woke you up earlier—I thought it was you but when you started talking and moving away from me like a frightened child…I knew immediately something wasn't right," she says, dropping another warm kiss to the side of her cheek.

"Another alter? What? Is this different than that Lorraine one?"

Nicky nods fiercely, stroking her hand over and over through her hair. Another kiss is pressed on the back of her head. "This one is a little girl…named  _Lorna._  Baby, I think it's a child alter of you from when you were little."

Shaking her head, Lorna slightly pulls away. She looks up at the other uncomfortably. " _But why_? I don't understand, Nicky. This illness just gets more and more confusing—I, I don't like it."

"I'm sorry; I know it's hard to comprehend, baby. I know. But there's something more to this than the abuse from Vinny. There's deeper roots to the problem, kid. Can you remember anything from your childhood that mighta been traumatic? Did anyone ever abuse ya when you were little?"

The question causes a slight queasiness to form in her stomach. Yet, nothing rings a bell. Lorna instinctively shakes her head and stares ahead into nothing. Her childhood was no different than her brother and sister's. Their father might have yelled often but he would have never laid a hand on any of them, she knows. And her mother—oh, she thinks, her mother was an angel, still is  _to her_.

"Vinny's the only person who's ever physically hurt me, Nicky. I swear. I think I'd remember if something like that happened to me when I was a child. Don't ya think?"

It shatters her heart tremendously to know that the abuse was so bad for her Lorna that she has zero-recollection of it today. That both boils a rage and fills Nicky with a strong dose of compassion. She brushes her lips delicately over the brunette's as she cradles a hand around her face. "Not if it was so traumatic that ya had to create a separate identity to cope with it, sweetheart. That's what the purpose of this illness is—it's a coping mechanism that locks up all these painful events as a way to protect ya. But to heal, it's important for you to unlock those memories. Does that make any sense, my baby?"

Lorna gives a slow nod, lazily resting her head in the crook of her girlfriend's neck. She shuts her eyes and lets the warmth—that radiates from the older woman's body—engulf her in a calming sensation. "Kinda. But-but I don't think I wanna find out about whatever it is…not now—tonight. I can't deal with it right now, Nicky. I'm sorry for wasting your time…shoulda just listened to ya in the first place," her voice trails off as she nestles closer against the soft flesh underneath her.

Stroking a kiss lovingly atop her head, Nicky envelops her arms protectively and tightly around Lorna's petite waist. She shakes her head fiercely at the other's apology. "Don't be sorry for anything. It's your life, baby, you have every right to ask about what happened. You never waste my time—I'll do anything in the world to help you. It's what I want to do, Lorna." In a tender motion, she brushes a strand of hair behind the other's ear and peers compassionately into her irises.

"Of course, doll. We won't talk about that tonight. Don't you worry, my baby, I won't ever make you talk about anything you're not ready to discuss. I mean that. Besides, you need to focus on your health right now. We need to get you properly nourished, sweetie, so we can get ya the hell outta this hospital. I mean I know ya enjoy Gloria's coming in to see you but I bet she'll be happier seeing you at the bakery, yeah?" The small laugh she receives from Lorna is everything she needs to prove that they  _will_  get past this obstacle. A soft smile spreads on her face as she pecks her gracefully on the lips. "A beautiful laugh for a beautiful person. You're amazing, doll. I'm so glad I have you in my life—I love ya so fucking much."


	23. Chapter 23

_Chapter Twenty-Three_

"Good morning girls," Gloria greets with a warm smile, walking in through the door with her usual vitals cart. She looks between the two women while quickly checking Lorna over. "Just spoke with your doctor, Lorna," her light Hispanic accent enthusiastically starts off, "and it looks like you'll be gettin' the heck outta here this afternoon. Bet ya can't wait to be back in your own place, huh?"

The news brings a rapid smile to her face; Lorna gives a small nod. Ever since the incident with Vinny—even if it was nearly a decade ago, now—makes any length of stay in the hospital a treacherous one. The thought of leaving has her immediately jump out of the bed and start walking towards the door, albeit still being hooked up to both the IV and heart-monitor.

Nicky can't stop the chuckle that escapes her at her girlfriend's pure excitement to leave. She walks over to her, grabbing softly onto her hand, and leads her back to the bed. "Glad to see you're ready to go, doll…but ya might wanna wait until you're unwired," another light chuckle tumbles out as she brushes a tender kiss atop her head.

Without hesitation, Lorna yanks the IV out of her own arm—only yelping a slight amount—and then rips the stickers from her abdomen, watching with satisfaction as the wires fall to the ground beneath her. She looks over at Gloria, gesturing her hands between the door and herself. "Can I go now? I'm ready."

"You weren't really supposed to do that yourself, sweetie…but I'll keep it a secret if you do?" Receiving a laugh and nod in response, Gloria smiles as she situates her cart. "But before you can leave, we need to get your feeding tube changed and have ya sign the discharge papers. It should only take fifteen minutes."

Quirking a curious eyebrow at the nurse, Nicky runs a hand lightly through her girlfriend's hair and stares inquisitively across at the Hispanic woman. "Speaking of the feeding tube, does she have to use it even at home?"

Lorna sucks in a breath; she hopes to God the answer is no. The last thing she needs— _or wants_ —is another thing added to her already full plate. A feeding-tube stuck to her isn't something she can deal with, she frustratingly thinks. An inconvenience she doesn't have the time or energy for.

"The doctor wants for her to keep using it for the next few weeks. After that, she needs to come back and have a blood to test to see if her nutrition has improved any. I assume if it has that's when she'll be taken off of it," Gloria gently informs the two, eyes giving a sympathetic glance towards her Italian patient. She can easily sense the young brunette's refusal and feels a sigh escape through her larynx. "It's not gonna be that bad, Lorna. You'll hardly know it's there. And ya got a great support system with your girlfriend right there and your best friend. They'll help you with this, don't worry."

Nodding her agreement, the redhead smothers Lorna's head in a soft kisses. " _Of course_  I'll be by your side, my baby,  _always._  I'll always be here to take care of you, sweetheart," she huskily murmurs into the other's ear, playfully nibbling on the end of it. Nicky envelops her arms protectively around the shorter woman's waist while glancing gratefully over at Gloria. "Thanks for taking such good care a my girlfriend, nurse. I'll do my best to take care a her just as well at home," a smile sits on her face as she says this.

* * *

The minute they walk in the door of their apartment, Lorna makes her way over to the kitchen counter that holds the coffee pot and gets to work at making a fresh batch. It's been too long, she internalizes, since she last had a good cup of her favorite hot beverage. The strong scent instantly puts a smile on her face as she reaches to hit the switch that starts the brewing process.

"Looks like someone's a bit excited about coffee," Nicky chuckles, walking up behind her and wrapping her arms around her small waist. She rests her chin on Lorna's shoulder, turning slightly so that her lips press against the flesh of her lover's cheek. "You're too cute, kid. I'm glad to see ya in such a good mood today. What do ya say we see if Alex and Poussey want to come over later, huh? It'd be nice to just hang out with them and watch some movies, yeah?"

Giving a nod in response, Lorna grabs a pair of mugs from one of the cabinets and places them both beside the perking pot of coffee. She pours a large helping of creamer and sugar into her cup, leaving Nicky's empty until the coffee's ready. With a small smile, she turns around and wraps her arms lovingly around the taller woman's neck.

"It's nice to be outta the hospital; course' I'm in a good mood. Sounds like a real nice way to spend the day," her voice softly murmurs against the redhead's flesh. She strokes her lips delicately against where her head lies as her fingers brush softly through thick red curls. Carefully, she releases herself from her lover's arms and goes to retrieve the bold cup of plain coffee that she gently hands to Nicky.

Gratefully taking the steaming mug, Nicky's smile only widens at the other. "How sweet a ya, doll-face. Guess ya know just how plain I like my coffee, yeah? Thanks," a soft murmur is heard before the cup is sealed between her two lips. She takes in a large gulp of coffee while following Lorna into the living room, plopping onto the couch beside her.

She sets her mug on the end-table that sits to the right of the couch and then wraps an arm warmly around Lorna's waist. "Put the coffee down and lay with me, would ya kid? I haven't been able to hold ya properly since ya've been stuck in that hospital. Besides, ya look drained…I bet an afternoon of cuddling will spike your energy, don't ya think?"

"I mean, it sounds nice…but drinking this coffee will do the opposite of making me drained and tired, hon. Why do ya think I drink it?"

"Is that so? Hmm—maybe I can find a way to help you use up all that energy, kid." Nicky winks friskily, laying Lorna gently beneath her against the plush cushions of the couch. She cups her hands around the brunette's face and smashes their lips together in a fervent kiss, something she's been longing to do for the past few days. Her big brown eyes gaze compassionately down at the ones looking up; a soft smile forms on her face.

Reaching her hands up, Lorna wraps them around her girlfriend's cheeks and deepens the kiss immensely. The tips of her fingers brush feathery around the outline of Nicky's face, making sure to leave her with a warm sensation. She slowly releases her lips from the other's and lays her forehead delicately against hers. "Mmm," a soft hum escapes her throat as she nuzzles their noses together, "That's a real lovely way to use up my energy, hon. I could kiss ya forever."

"Kiss me forever, yeah? I think I like the sound a that," the redhead snickers softly while combing a tender hand through Lorna's thick dark waves. She gives another warm peck, letting it deepen until they both end up needing an escape for air. The smile on her face only widens. She can't even imagine the life she had before meeting Lorna—it feels like a very distant memory.

Lorna smiles back, pressing a small trail of kisses along her cheeks and forehead. She switches positions with her so that she's hovering gently overtop of Nicky's body; her eyes pierce strongly into the bigger ones below. "Maybe I could try giving you an orgasm? That'll really use up my energy, huh? Plus…I ain't ever made ya feel good yet, hon, and it's the least I can do after how sweet you've been to me. You have no idea how much I love ya, Nicky. I want you to  _feel_  that."

Playful eyes instantly grow serious. Nicky takes her lover's head gently in her arms, peering at her in deep compassion and love. "That's your decision, my baby. Only if you're ready and want to do that. Ya hear me? I don't want you thinking you gotta do shit to prove your love to me. Sure, I'm very keen on the idea of my beautiful Lorna making me feel good but only if that's something you feel 100% comfortable doing."

"I wanna give ya pleasure, hon. But, uh, I might not be so good. I ain't never done anything to a woman before—so, please, keep that in mind."

" _Don't even_  fucking worry about that, sweetie. Just having you touch me is pleasure enough—you don't have to stress over this. Jesus, kid, this is the least stressful thing in the world. Do whatever you're comfortable with and I know it'll be amazing because  _you_  are," Nicky's voice huskily murmurs hotly over the brunette's lips.

Lorna's eyes momentarily shut.  _The least stressful thing in the world_. It should be, she agrees, pleasuring the person she loves. Touching and stroking Nicky shouldn't eat at her nerves, shouldn't worry her what she'll think. But it does—every bit of it. And she knows that's all thanks to Vinny's abuse. He's the reason she's afraid to give the woman she loves pleasure—why she fears her touches won't be good enough. Why she's never going to be good enough for Nicky. He damaged her and that's not something anyone should be stuck with, she tells herself.

The silence quickly alarms Nicky. She pats the palm of her hand gently against Lorna's cheek. " _Baby_ , what's the matter? Why are ya eyes shut? What's going on in that pretty head a yours?"

"Nothing,  _nothing_ ," the younger woman immediately responds, opening her eyes and plastering a huge smile on her face. She lifts herself up from Nicky's chest and very gently begins undressing her shirt. The bare skin underneath washes her over with a warmth. She places her hands against it, letting them soak in the radiating heat it provides. "So soft," her voice murmurs breathlessly. "So beautiful."

Lorna leans down to stroke her lips against the bare flesh beneath her, making a trail from her neck to her lower abdomen right above the pant-line. "You're the most beautiful person in the entire world, hon," she whispers with her lips hovering closely over Nicky's skin. She sets her hand on her abdomen and caresses it delicately.

"Oh, Lorna…my sweet baby, that feels like Heaven," Nicky lovingly assures her. She reaches a hand down to where her girlfriend's is and covers it in hers. "See, my love, ya don't have anything to be stressed about. You do whatever you're okay with doing. I will not pressure you, okay? Please don't think that. I love you so much, sweetheart. I don't ever wanna make you feel uncomfortable."

Slowly nodding, Lorna continues the delicate motion around Nicky's abdomen—the clear pleasure it seems to wash her with comes as a relief to her and forms a smile on her face. "I just want this to be perfect. You deserve to feel amazing, Nicky. You're the kindest, most loving, human being I've ever met and—I wanna make sure ya know exactly how much you mean to me. But I don't know what-what to do…how, how do I make you orgasm? I'm sorry, that makes me seem like an idiot, don't it?"

To hear her say that brings a small pang to Nicky's chest. She shakes her head sadly, eyes gazing down at her with nothing but overwhelming compassion. The hand that's warm beneath hers, she strokes tenderly with her thumb. "No, baby, that does not make you an idiot. You'll never ever be an idiot, kid. For fuck's sake, I'm the first woman you've ever been with—I don't fucking expect ya to know how to pleasure me. It's your first time. Don't be so damn hard on yourself, doll. Really,  _it's okay_. I'll tell ya what to do," she firmly states.

Lorna gives a small nod before softly pulling down her pants and underwear, throwing them on the floor once they're completely off. This, she realizes, is much different than all the times she had been forced to pleasure Vinny. This is something she  _wants_ to do—something she longs to do, to make the woman she loves happy and feel good. Something that Nicky deserves, and Lorna will be damned if it's not anything less than perfect.

"That's the first step, doll. And, damn, even that felt wonderful. What a talent you have, sweet girl."

The brunette smiles warmly. She strokes her lips tenderly over Nicky's waistline, a mere inches from her genital region. "What's next? I feel so stupid having to ask how to make ya come—I bet ya never had to explain that to a woman before, huh?"

A soft chuckle tumbles out of Nicky's throat; she moves her hand to place over top of Lorna's head and ruffles her hair lovingly. "That just makes this all the more special, kid. I think it's so precious and adorable that you have to ask me. Don't feel stupid—you're smart, that's why you're asking. It takes a lotta guts to actually ask the person ya love how to have sex and believe me, sweet girl, I admire ya highly for that."

She brings the hand she holds delicately up towards her lips, stroking them gently over all five knuckles. "Usually, what I do next, would be to very tenderly place my fingers inside of your vagina. So, if you're comfortable with that, go ahead and put your dainty little fingers inside of mine," her voice lovingly explains, eyes watching over her with a deep love shining through. The hesitation and faint fright on her lover's face makes her heart ache.

"Hey,  _baby_ , don't be afraid. It's okay. I promise. If you aren't ready to do this, just say so. It's no big deal, my Lorna."

Squeezing her eyes tight, Lorna nods and lets her hand stroke down along her abdomen to her upper thigh. She caresses small circles over and over, leaving goosebumps in her wake. "I'm not afraid. I wanna touch you over and over until ya can't breathe. I'm just—I need to make sure this is perfect. You don't deserve anything less than perfect, hon. You don't know how much you mean to me—seriously, I owe you my life, Nicky. I love you more than anything," her voice nearly cracks with the amount of emotion she feels. She stares up at Nicky with wet eyes, a wide smile sitting on her pale face.

"Tryna make me cry, are ya?" Nicky cracks a joke through a tiny sniffle. "I'm so fucking glad I met you, Lorna. You're a precious human being. God—you're the sweetest woman I've ever met. You've gone through so much hell and yet, you always _, always_ , find a reason to put a beautiful smile on your angel face. Ya gotta teach me your ways someday, baby. And maybe some of my other patients as well. They could benefit from you. You're a fucking strong woman."

Lorna shrugs slightly, "How can I not smile when I've got you as my girlfriend? Having your love, hon,  _that's_  what gets me through each day. Okay, we gotta shut up so I can get ya to orgasm before next year."

Holding up a finger, Nicky shakes her head. "Just wait a minute. I need to try to digest all these sweet compliments you're giving me without getting diabetes. Look, this may sound shocking, but it's not often I'm given compliments like the ones you're so lovingly throwing at me. And you have no clue how much more that makes me love you. How much more that makes you my precious baby. I'll never take you for granted, Lorna, ever."

Moving her hand slowly away from her girlfriend's private area, she traces it—softly—all the way back up to her face, cradling it in both hands. She moves her face closer to Nicky's, letting their lips brush slowly and hotly together. The kiss lasts a few seconds before Lorna very gently releases it. "I'll compliment ya for as long as we live, Nicky. I love you. You're my angel—I don't know what I'd ever do without you, hon. I need you, and I want you  _forever_. I wanna make love to you,  _let me_ ," she murmurs hotly against the other's lips, caressing her fingers feathery along her cheek.

"Okay,  _okay_ , I can take a hint. Go ahead, baby, do whatever your precious heart desires. I'll keep my mouth shut for now."

"Much better," Lorna mutters in a lower than normal voice. She carefully lays Nicky's head back against the couch cushion and brings her hands down to her lower abdomen. Her right hand edges closer and closer towards her genital region—stroking around it but stopping short of entering inside, a tactic she hopes will cause Nicky to beg for it. The small moans and whimpers that soon escape from her throat brings a tiny smirk to her face.

Sucking in a deep breath of air, Lorna slowly moves her hand closer to Nicky's genitals and very gently inserts a few of her fingers. With a delicacy, she begins stroking them up and down inside—starting out nice and slow to induce small, yet numerous, pleasurable sensations to course through her girlfriend's body. A calm sigh slowly exhales from her mouth. Pleasuring a person she truly—and unconditionally—loves is the best feeling in the world, she comes to realize. This is so much different than what she did to Vinny—this is something she chose to do, something she wants to give to Nicky. It makes her heart swell with love to see the complete and utter desire sitting on her face.

"Mmm," the redhead breathes out, eyes closed to intensify the waves of euphoria. Her hands curl at her sides. "Fucking amazing, baby."

"I ain't done yet, hon." Lorna gives a soft peck right above where her hands stroke inside and smiles wider at the next round of excitable whimpers that come out of her lover. "Aww, don't ya worry, I'm gonna make ya feel like the angel you are, my sweet Nicky. You just wait."

She speeds up the stroking, letting her fingers circle around the inside of her over and over until a very loud squeal is heard through Nicky's vocal chords. Such noise causes her to repeat the action, only softer and slower—wanting to form a steady orgasm rather than a second long pleasure wave. Lorna lets her eyes watch intently over the woman beneath her, checking to see if the motion is giving her enough pleasure. Noticing that her eyes are closed and her hands seem to be gripping tight on the bedsheets, she gladly assumes that the beginning of an orgasm is starting to make its way through her. That keeps her stroking rigorously.

Finally, the pleasure peaks and Nicky feels her body convulse with how strong it is. "Oh— _oh_  Lorna,  _yes…god, yes_.  _Mmm_  that feels so, so good," her voice breathlessly cries out, back nearly arching as the orgasm continues to grow.

Lorna smiles and fastens her movements until there's nothing left to do. She blissfully watches the woman she loves ride her way through the intense orgasm. Once it seems to be completely dissipated, she releases her hand from inside of her and plops herself down beside her. She wraps her arms snug around her shoulders, pulling her close to her own body.

"The best way to use up my energy—making my love come to her knees in pleasure. God, it felt good just watching you, hon. Guess ya liked it, hmm?"

" _Liked it?"_  Nicky arches an eyebrow, snaking her own arms tight around Lorna's waist. She yanks her closer and pecks her lips hotly. "Oh I did more than like that—I fucking loved every minute of that. You have a damn gift, my baby. Your hands are little miracle workers. You should be proud a yourself. I felt like I was floating on a cloud—thank you for that, doll. I didn't realize how much I needed that until now."

Nuzzling her face delicately against the taller woman's bare neck, Lorna beams and massages her hands affectionately around her flesh. "Aww, my sweetie, you don't gotta thank me for that. Really. It's the least I could do for ya. You've been more than helpful ever since the first day we met—and I just wanna make sure you know how much I love you for that. Have you been stressed out, hon?" Her eyes flicker up at Nicky, gazing softly into her big ones. She presses the palm of her hand up and down her heart, trying to work out the knots she feels.

"Not really stressed. Just worried about you, kid. When I fucking found out you were missing—my heart nearly stopped. God, the thought of you being shoved into a dark trunk—oh, baby, I can't-I can't even think of how scared you were. I'm just so happy you're safe and with me. I never wanna risk losing you again, Lorna. I can't take that."

"I am safe. Because I'm with you. I'm so sorry for worrying you, hon. I'm so sorry ya hadda feel that way. I promise that you will never lose me—I would never leave ya willingly, honey. I mean that. I love you so much—I don't think I've ever loved another person the way I love you. You make me feel whole, Nicky. I wanna be with you forever."

Taking Lorna's head into her hands, Nicky nods slowly before carefully laying it onto her bare chest. She runs her hand softly through her hair and rests her head on top of her girlfriend's. "Don't be sorry. You can't fucking control being kidnapped—hence why it's called kidnapping, doll. That fucking Vinny knew exactly how fucking vulnerable you are and went right after you. They better have found him and threw him in prison. He needs to be off the streets before he has the chance to hurt you again. Not like he'll have that chance anymore, though; I'm never leaving your side. I can't risk it. You're too important to me to lose, baby. Yeah, you make me whole too—ya know what that means?"

Relaxing into Nicky's protective hold, Lorna shrugs and peeps her eyes up at her. "What's that, hon?"

"It means we're soul-mates," she whispers right into her ear, smiling at how the sensation immediately causes Lorna's eyes to shut. "Aww, somebody's a little sleepy. Did all that love-making tire you out, baby? I wouldn't be surprised—ya got a good work-out."

Lorna blushes, lifting her head slightly to gaze affectionately into her lover's eyes. She nods enthusiastically. " _You_  believe in soul-mates, too? I've always known I had one but never realized it could be a woman—but I'm so happy it is…that  _you're_  my soul-mate. And I know that's true because when I was away from you, it-it felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt so alone and terrified without you, Nicky. But when you're with me…everything is bearable. I can get through the day as long as I'm with you. I sound like a fucking cheesy moron, don't I? Go ahead and laugh at me, I would."

"Laugh at you? What the hell? I would never laugh at you, my sweet baby. Don't even fucking make a joke like that. You're so, so, special to me. Everything you tell me is precious, okay? Please don't feel that I'd make fun of you, that couldn't be further from the truth, sweetheart. Shh, shh, just close your eyes—and mouth—I think it's about time for a nap, wouldn't you agree? I don't like when you start talking shit about yourself, doll. It's not healthy and ya gotta stop. You're never going to be without me again. I won't let anyone touch you or kidnap you," Nicky keeps her mouth pressed warm against the brunette's ear, letting her voice softly soothe Lorna into a slumber. She slowly pulls the blanket off the couch and wraps it around the pair of them before pecking a kiss atop Lorna's head. "Come on, baby, close your eyes. I know you're tired. Had a very busy morning  _and_ afternoon. A nap is perfect right now. Especially when it's in my arms, yeah? You know you love sleeping in them. It's okay to admit that—I love having you in my arms, doll; it's the most amazing feeling in the world. Having the woman I love as close to me as possible. Jesus, I think I'm about to put  _myself_  to sleep."

* * *

It's just past five in the evening when Nicky awakens to an empty living room. She looks around puzzlingly, trying to figure out where Lorna is. Her chest tightens instinctively as she jumps off the couch to search for her. She walks through the archway and sees the bathroom door is slightly ajar. Everything in her immediately goes numb. She has to force her legs to move forward. The sound of heavy breathing only continues to alarm her.

When she finally makes her way inside, the sight of distress Lorna seems to be in shatters her heart deeply. "Lorna,  _Lorna_ —what's wrong? Come here,  _come here_ ," Nicky inquiries worriedly, walking closer to the petite woman—who sits in the empty bathtub, holding desperately tight onto her throat as if to stop herself from breathing.

Without any hesitation, Nicky climbs inside the tub and pulls her girlfriend onto her lap. She takes her hands and places them over Lorna's, very gently—yet firmly—removing them from around her neck. " _Baby_ , why-why were you choking yourself? What's going on? What happened—did ya have a nightmare?" Her voice nearly shakes with each question; she lays the Italian woman's head delicately against her chest, holding it there with her hands.

"I—I c-c-can't bre-breathe," Lorna gasps out, reaching her hands reflexively back towards her neck.

"You  _can_  breathe. You can breathe, baby. Shh, calm down. Give me your hands—let me hold them, okay? I don't want them anywhere near your precious neck," Nicky pleads softly, resting her lips warmly over the other's forehead. A bout of relief is felt when she sees Lorna—albeit reluctantly—gradually move her hands over to her own. She immediately grabs hold of them, keeping her grip tight. "Now ya just needa relax, Lorna. I promise you that you're fine. You're with me, baby. I've got ya. Take a deep breath and let it come out. You're having a panic attack is all. I know it's scary but you need to calm down or it's gonna get worse. Lay your head back on my chest, sweetheart, and let me rock you. I promise it'll get better."

Lorna cautiously does what she's told but feels her breathing only get heavier and heavier. She shakes her head and points to her throat, tears streaming along her cheeks. "I-I-I c-c-can't. Th-th-there's not-not enough air in-in-in here!"

Lovingly, Nicky takes her head in her hands and places it right back where she had it only minutes ago—this time keeping it in place with her own head. "Baby, I promise you can breathe.  _You're okay_. No one is hurting you—ya just had a nightmare or something.  _But it's not real_. Please try to breathe normally. Focus on my heart-beat or my voice…anything that soothes you. Can you try to do that, doll,  _please_?" The sensation of Lorna's heavy trembling is enough to trigger tears to form in her eyes. To see the woman she loves in this much agony is almost unbearable to her.

"What can I do for you? How can I calm you down? Do you want me to sing to you or tell you a story? What, baby doll, what will bring you comfort?"

"Nonno—Nonno," the brunette chokes out, heavy breathing turning into painful sobs. Her arms wrap tight around Nicky's neck; she hides her face in it and lets her tears pool around it. "Mmm-my Nonno h-h-hur-hurt me, Nicky."

"Aww, my baby, I know—I know he did, sweetie. But you're safe now. You're okay; you don't ever,  _ever_ , have to worry about something like that happening again. You have me, now, and I'll protect you for the rest of our lives. The only one who will ever touch you is me and only— _only_  when you ask me to. I won't fucking hurt you like any of the two assholes who took advantage of you so evilly.  _That's not_  love and never will be. Love is what we have, sweet girl— _it's more_  than just sex and orgasms, it's being able to make each other smile just by being in the same room. Or holding your girlfriend when she's having a panic attack. You and I have a deep, and real, love. You need to know that you are 100% safe with me, baby—I'm not ever going to abuse you or force you into any scary situation. Is that—is that what's made ya have this memory come up? Be honest with me, Lorna. It's okay to talk to me about it. That's what will help ya through this—what I've been telling ya since we met."

Lorna shakes her head violently, another hefty whimper tearing through her windpipe. "I-I love you, Nicky. I-I know you-you won't hurt me…I-I don't know why this suddenly came to me. It's not you, Nicky, I swear."

Caressing her hand lovingly along the side of her face, Nicky nods intuitively and strokes another kiss to her head. "Your breathing is getting better. Good job, baby. You're doing so amazing," she murmurs her encouragement, rubbing comfortingly circles around her soft flesh.

"I know you love me, Lorna. I know. And I know that you know I won't hurt you. But you've been abused unforgivably by two different people in your life; it's left you with a lotta pain and fear,  _don't_  hide that from me. I need to know how bad it's scarred you, sweetheart, so I can help you to the best of my ability. If you're ashamed of it and that's why you won't let out your emotions, don't be. God, Lorna, you don't need to be ashamed to talk to me about anything. I love you so fucking much, sweetie, I want you to talk to me. I want you to feel safe to talk to me. Please. Don't keep things from me. You need to let it out. You've already endured enough pain, baby, please don't willingly cause yourself anymore. I cannot let you do that. I can't let you hurt yourself—and that's what you're doing by refusing to bring things up. It hurts so bad; I know,  _I know_  baby doll…but keeping that all in— _oh_ , sweetie, that's only going to make it worse. I'm here. I love you. Please, Lorna baby, let me take some of that hurt away. You can't keep it to yourself,  _you need me_ —you need me to take it away. Let me,  _please_."

The tender—heartwarming—words are enough to make Lorna break. She nods her head against Nicky's chest, soaking it in her unrelenting tears. Her arms tighten around the taller woman's neck, sobs etch even harder out of her mouth. "Nonno—he hurt me and-and no one ever knew, Nicky.  _No one knew and no one stopped it_. That-that's why when, when, I was with Vinny, I figured that ma-maybe abuse is what I deserved. If Nonno could do it, why couldn't Vinny? No one cared when my Nonno hurt me so why would they when my boyfriend did?"

Nicky holds a hand over her mouth to muffle her own sob. How—she angrily thinks—how could anyone be so cruel to Lorna? What could a woman like her possibly do to make anyone want to do such evil things to her? She shakes her head fiercely. "Baby, did you-did you let anyone know about what Nonno did to you? Or were you too scared?"

The question only worsens Lorna's cries. She timidly shakes her head and looks down in shame. "Nonno told me not to. He said he'd get in a lotta trouble if I told anyone and that my parents would hate me for it. So I-I kept my mouth shut. But-but still, my mom and dad they never seemed to care when I would scream at the idea of-of having to go to Nonno's house for the weekend. Is it my fault, Nicky? Did I do this to myself?"

"No, baby,  _no fucking way_  is any of this shit your fault. God, no.  _Don't even_. Your mom and dad shoulda fucking read between the lines and seriously sat you down when you were that upset over going to his house. They shoulda got to the bottom of it and done something about it. Jesus Christ. I wish I was there. Oh, Lorna, I woulda kept ya safe—I woulda protected you from that monster. You poor baby—you were just a damn baby when he hurt you—and not only was it physical abuse, but-but fucking sexual abuse? To a precious little angel? Oh, doll, you're so lucky I don't know where that man lives. He'd be one less person in this world if I did."

Lorna shakes her head. "I was not a baby…I was four. And even if you were there…it's not like ya coulda done much, you were just a little girl yourself."

Cupping her head softly in her hands, Nicky brings it closer to hers and rests their foreheads delicately together. She caresses the palms of her hands lovingly around each of her cheeks while gazing compassionately into her doe-brown orbs. "You were a precious baby compared to however old your Nonno was. Sick fucking pedophile to do that shit to you. Oh, believe me, I woulda done a whole lot to him. I wouldn't a been as little as you—I'm six years older than you, baby. I would have been able to protect you—to take you outta that house and as far away from it as possible. You would have been so much better off if I'd known you back then—hell,  _I_ woulda been better off if I knew you then. Don't worry, we're gonna make up for not knowing each other then. You're gonna learn what it's like to be  _really_  loved by someone—how a sweetheart like you  _should be_  treated. You'll never have to fear for your precious life again. I promise you that. You will always be safe with me. You're my baby; I'll always take care of you. Ya got that, kid?"

Sniffling softly, Lorna bobs her head up and down against the redhead's soft chest. She nestles closer and brushes a delicate kiss to her flesh. "I love you, hon. Thank you.  _Thank you_  for listening. I-I do feel a little better now."

"Hey,  _hey_ , you don't need to thank me. I asked—well, begged—you to talk to me. Because I care so deeply for you and your well-being. You can always feel free to open up to me. No matter what it is. Anything and everything you say is safe with me. It doesn't go beyond us unless  _you_ want it to. If you want to tell Alex about what happened, by all means go ahead. She's your best friend and she'll always be there to listen. But if right now, that's too hard for you,  _that's okay_. As long as you talk to me and get some of that pain outta your head, things will slowly improve."

Nicky can't help the tiny smile that forms on her face. She strokes a warm kiss over the petite woman's forehead. "Aww, I'm so glad to hear that. See, I told ya talking would help. Listen to me, baby, I only want what's best for you. Things will keep getting better the more you share with me. And, believe me, it's okay to open up to me. You're my girlfriend, doll, I want you to feel comfortable sharing everything you've endured. And if it turns into a sobbing fit, that's okay—really, doll, it is. You need to feel. Letting it get so bad that you're numb is completely unhealthy. That's how you wound up standing on a fucking roof. You can't do that shit anymore. You can't hide anything from me, baby. I need to get you through this damn hurtle already so you can finally be happy—so you can enjoy the love we have for each other. I don't want you to silently be living in fear. That's not good for you, my baby. I want you to be happy and smiling. What you deserve and should be doing. You deserve to be happy. And we'll get you there, angel, in time."


	24. Chapter 24

_Chapter Twenty-Four_

_"Vincent wants to kiss me, Al—on our next date," a fifteen-year-old Lorna excitedly shrieked as the two best friends chattered the night away in Alex's bedroom. She lay on her stomach against the mattress, brown eyes gazing across at the black-haired teen—who sat busily at her computer desk, working on some assignment or another. "I don't know how to kiss a guy. I'm gonna make a fool of myself!"_

_Turning away from the bulky screen, Alex took a hard glance over at her frantic best friend and shook her head with a light chuckle. "Oh, Lorn, don't get all worked up over it. You'll figure it out as soon as ya lock lips with him," she kindly informed the girl before saving her work and shutting down the computer. After which, she popped herself up from the desk-chair and retreated to sitting on the bed beside the brunette._

_Lorna shook her head disbelievingly. She wanted the kiss to be magical and perfect. Not something that just happened. She needed to learn how to kiss in a way that would appease her lover. A way that would make him lust after her even more. "But this is gonna be our first kiss, Al. I want it to be special. I need to make him happy—"_

_"No, he needs to make you happy. It's a two-way street, kid. And if he likes ya as much as he says then it will be special. You're special, Lorna and if that guy can't see it, he's not worthy of you."_

_A distasteful sigh masked its way from the Italian teen's throat. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and let her eyes peer intently across into Alex's. "But I need to know how to kiss him. That's the whole problem, Al. How can it be special if I don't even know what the hell to do? Look, I tried asking Franny for advice…but ya know how she is. She don't got time for her sister's dumb high school drama. You're my best friend—can't ya teach me how to kiss a guy? Please?"_

_Patting a gentle hand lightly over the younger girl's, Alex felt a large whiff of air escape through her lungs. A question she never pondered that would come out of her best friend's mouth. "Ya want me to teach ya how to kiss? You do know that would mean having to practice by kissing me—your best friend—yeah?" She inquired, an eyebrow quirked in piqued interest._

_"Yeah, I know that. Are ya okay with that? Helping me out? I mean if not, it's no big deal…just figured it wouldn't hurt to ask."_

_Wrapping a friendly arm around the smaller teen's shoulder, Alex pulled her close and ruffled her dark waves in a playful manner. She placed a warm smile on her face while shaking her head. "Course' I'll show ya. Now, I can't promise this kiss will be worse than the one you may or may not share with that lover boy of yours. Ya know a lotta people say I'm a good kisser," light-hearted sarcasm easily flowed from the dark-haired girl's mouth. She gave a spirited wink to her friend._

_Lorna gave a gentle slap to her shoulder, though a smile sat on her face. "A little full a yourself, hmm?" She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her neck for a grateful embrace. The embrace of her best friend that always left her feeling comforted. "Thanks, Al. Couldn't get a better best friend if I tried."_

_"No, ya sure couldn't," Alex chuckled, squeezing her tight before releasing her and taking her face gently into her hands. Her lightly colored orbs peered intently over the brunette's porcelain-toned face. Brushing her fingers lightly along her skin, she slowly inched their faces closer. "Looking into his eyes when ya go for that kiss is everything, Lorna. It'll make the experience even more special, trust me. Just touching and stroking each other will do it some justice, too."_

_Very gradually, Alex tugged Lorna's face towards her own and sealed their lips together in a sweet and gentle kiss. Both hands framed delicately around each of the brunette's cheeks as her lips stroked deeper over hers._

_The two were so engulfed in the kissing lesson that neither one noticed the squeaking of Alex's bedroom door opening up. "Girls, the pizza's—" Miss Vause stopped mid-sentence when she noticed what she barged in on. Clamping her hand over her mouth, she slowly backed out of the room. "Didn't mean to interrupt, girls…I'll just see my way out."_

_Once the door regained its original position, the two teenagers move away from each other and burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh, God, Al…I think we just scarred your mom for life," Lorna choked out in between her laughs._

_"No big deal, kid. Mom knows I'm gay," Alex snorted out good-naturedly, pulling away from and draping her arm around Lorna's shoulder in a friendly manner. She pressed a light kiss atop her head and felt another bout of laughter tumble up from inside of her. "You on the other hand, kid, she's probably having an aneurism over the thought. It'll be sad to end the fun."_

* * *

"Ya taught Lorna how to kiss?" Poussey chuckles after hearing the drunken story come out of Lorna's very mouth just seconds ago. She quirks an eyebrow over at her girlfriend, who sits red-cheeked beside her at the table. Another laugh comes through her windpipe at the very entertaining story still fresh on her mind. She reaches over to take Alex's hand into her own and gives it a tender pat. "Oh, don't be so embarrassed. I think it's cute ya wanted to help your best friend."

Alex peers at the brunette—the clearly intoxicated brunette—and feels the embarrassment slowly morph into a strong bout of laughter. She laughs until her sides hurt. Until she needs to stop for a breath of air. "I can't believe ya actually remember that, Lorna. Jesus. How much did ya drink?"

Bringing a finger up to her lips, Lorna makes a shushing sound and gives a sozzled smile. "I didn't drink a thing, Al. Just thought it'd be a funny story to tell. Hmph, where's Nicky? Musta got lost at the store?"

"Yeah, I think ya mighta drank too much. Nicky ran to the bathroom like not even a minute ago, kid."

Laying her head on the table for a sparing moment, Lorna breaks into a fit of meaningless giggles. She lifts her head and stares dazedly ahead at the two other women across from her. Her eyes squint in concentration. "Did ya know you two make a real cute couple? I'm sitting here…and ya look so happy together. Good pick," she winks at the pair before another round of giggles engulf her.

Sipping on her cold beverage, the contagious laughter pushes on Poussey into her own fit. She wraps an arm lovingly around her girlfriend's waist, looking at her with a smile. "I like drunk Lorna," a snicker escapes as she leans her head on the taller woman's shoulder while watching the youngest woman in amusement.

Brushing a soft kiss over Poussey's head, Alex can't help but smile as well. She drapes an arm delicately around her and watches her best friend ramble on and on about whatever her drunken mind tells her to.

"Anything else I can get for you?" The waiter's voice interrupts the conversation. He stands in front of the table, eyes instinctively scoping the three women lustfully.

Lorna shakes her head and waves her hand at the man. "No, no. All we need is a couple more bottles of that…hmm that fruit flavored sham-shampoo? Yeah, that's it," she laughs at herself, letting her head fall back against her arms on the wooden table.

Alex face-palms herself, looking up at the waiter with an apologetic gleam. "I'm sorry my friend's just a little tipsy. We don't need anything, thank you."

 _"Fruit flavored shampoo_?" Poussey clamps her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughs. She shakes her head in bemusement. "Damn, you're too much, Lorna."

Watching the scene in delight, the waiter doesn't budge from his spot. He keeps his eyes on Lorna, noticing she's without a partner and decides to make a move. "Hey, ya want some fruit flavored shampoo, do ya? My shift ends in a few minutes…I could bring ya to my place and let ya have a whiff of my shampoo," he smoothly suggests, placing a hand on the heavily woozy woman's shoulder.

"I'm gay— _I'm_   _gay_ ," Lorna shouts, standing up from the booth and pushing away from his uncomfortable touch. Her eyes stare at him, pupils large from the large amount of alcohol sitting in her system. "I have a girlfriend and I love her. Leave me alone."

The apologetic gleam once held in Alex's immediately darken after the stunt the waiter just pulled on her best friend. Yet, she's relieved to see Lorna stick up for herself. Something she's never witnessed before. She stands up and walks over to them, pulling the wobbly brunette out of his reach. "Some waiter you are. Fucking scum bag trying to take advantage of a drunk girl. Get lost before I find your manager," her voice growls darkly, "and you can forget about a tip, dick-face."

On her way back from the restroom, Nicky's eyebrows quirk in interest at the scene she's come back to. She gives a look between her girlfriend and Alex, arms crossed over her chest. "What's all the yelling about? Did I miss something?"

"Just your drunk girlfriend being adorable," Poussey says with a smile, keeping the mood light. She tilts her head at her own girlfriend, trying to get her to play along. Why ruin the night with something that's been taken care of? The question silently runs through her mind. "She told us some hilarious stories while you were lost in SeaWorld."

Nicky takes Lorna from the black-haired woman and sits down with her in their booth. She swats a hand lightly at Poussey, "Hey, that's  _my girl_  you're hittin' on. Better be careful, Washington. I could fight ya for that."

"No, no fights. Fighting doesn't solve nothing, hon," Lorna slurs, laying her head on the redhead's shoulder. Her eyes shut in contentment. "You're pretty."

Pressing a tender kiss atop her head, Nicky snakes an arm protectively around her small frame and pulls her close. "Don't worry, baby, no one's gonna fight. We're just playing around. Why don't you close your eyes and see if ya can't go off to dreamland for a while?"

Lorna's eyes widen in excitement at her girlfriend's mention of adventure. She lifts her head and gazes hypnotically into the other's big brown orbs. " _Dreamland?_  I can visit Dreamland just by closing my eyes? Wow, Nicky, that's real cool," her hands grab onto her lover's, a bubbly smile sitting on her face. She lets her eyes wander over at the other two. "Ya guys hear that? Dreamland is only an eye shut away."

The couple across from them nod with a light laughter. Nicky rolls her eyes and lays Lorna's head onto her chest, brushing a soothing kiss to her cheek. "Okay, sweetie, ya better hurry and close your eyes. Don't wanna miss the flight, do ya?"

* * *

Sunlight pours through the curtain shades at barely five past seven the very next morning. Awakening a heavily hung-over Lorna will an irritated grumble. She buried herself further into the bed's comforter, wishing it would take the killer headache away from her. It feels as though she's been trampled by a train. The natural light only worsens it.

Nicky, who's been up for the past hour, comes in the room—a steaming cup of coffee in hand—and smirks at the brunette who lays miserably in their shared bed. "Hmm, has my baby learned a lesson about drinking too much?" She sets the freshly brewed beverage on the bedside table before laying herself right next to Lorna. Her arms immediately encircle the grumbling and groaning brunette. "It's okay, doll; it won't last much longer. Nothing a little cuddle won't fix, yeah?"

Shaking her head, Lorna nuzzles herself closer in the welcoming arms. "I was a complete fool, hon. God…I'll  _never ever_ drink again," she grunts, the headache growing with each tiny move she makes.

With a light chuckle, the redhead strokes her lips warmly against her girlfriend's forehead. Her fingers stroke through dark waves, twisting and twirling strands around in tiny ringlets. " _You were not_  a fool, kid—a little on the ditzy side but it was kinda cute seeing ya so happy and carefree. I wouldn't say not to drink ever again…just in moderation, baby.  _Everything_  in moderation," she hotly murmurs, lips just barely millimeters from Lorna's.

"Ya missed the good stuff," the younger woman says after a silent thought. A faint smirk spreads on her face as she snakes her arms tightly around Nicky's neck. She presses a trail of kisses along the soft flesh.

"Oh yeah?" Nicky quirks a frisky eyebrow, arms tugging the petite Italian closer. "Like what, kid?" She pecks one of her porcelain cheeks tenderly while brushing the palm of her hand lovingly along its bone structure.

Lorna nods, letting their foreheads lightly touch together. She takes in the entirety of Nicky's features—the love isn't hard to sense. In each word—action—it depicts such adoration. Such recognition only forms a glowing smile on the brunette's face. "I blabbed about the time I made Alex teach me how to kiss…it was back in high school. I never kissed no one before and wanted to know what to do."

Piqued in interest, Nicky maneuvers to lay on her side—arms outstretched to cradle around her lover's face—with eyes gazing intently into doe ones. " _Damn_  I bet it woulda been even more entertaining hearing it come outta your drunk mouth. So, how'd she show ya to kiss?"

"Well,  _how do ya think_? There's only one way to show someone, hon."

Pondering the thought causes a slightly lustful gleam to emanate through big brown orbs. Nicky chuckles and caresses the palm of her hand tenderly up down the side of Lorna's face. "She kissed you? Hmm, I gotta admit that's kind of hot to imagine…though, I'm glad it was only a teaching tool. You're my sweet girl, Lorna. Couldn't imagine ya with any other woman—or person," her breath trickles warmly over the other's lips. A curious expression quickly overtakes her, an eyebrow arches, "Just outta innocent curiosity, how would ya rate that kiss? Is Vause a good kisser?"

The question immediately evicts a light laugh out of Lorna. She reaches across to cup a hand delicately around her girlfriend's cheek, looking softly at her. "I'm not gonna lie—it was real nice, much better than the first kiss I had with Vinny. She's an amazing kisser…but you, my sweetheart, you're a  _perfect_  kisser.  _No kiss_  is sweeter than yours. No one is more perfect than you."

"Aw, come on, ya always gotta make my eyes water. Damn ya, doll-face." Lips stroke over lips, guiding together in a soft and warm kiss. Bodies press together to form one. Nicky frames her hands affectionately around porcelain cheeks; eyes gazing adoringly, "I'll kiss ya until you're blue in the face, my baby. Or, at least, long enough to take care of that awful headache you're having."

* * *

A week goes by and life seems to be heading in a positive direction. At least, that's what Lorna thought until a strong bout of nausea tears through her almost every morning. So strong and debilitating that she can barely function for the rest of the day. Exhaustion and frustration slowly set in—it's exasperating to never catch a break, she finds. When she finally catches a glimpse of hope, there is always something else there to set her back.

Waking up has become one of the biggest chores. Each day starts off in the same, horrendous, way. A severe case of nausea forces her out of bed and down the hall into the bathroom. It's only a few minutes that she spends hovering over the toilet—yet, in her mind, it feels like hours…days even. Tears stream down her cheeks as she heaves all of her nutrients up. She can't go on like this for much longer, she knows.

The frequent bathroom trips quickly begin to concern Nicky. It slowly forms a pang in her chest to see her girlfriend in so much distress. Not knowing whether it's intentional or not is another worry weighing on her mind. Oh, how she longs for it to not be a forced event. She can't imagine how much damage such a thing would cause an  _already_  damaged Lorna.

With a sigh, Nicky cautiously walks towards the bathroom where painful retching can easily be noted. The pang in her chest only strengthens as she enters inside. She quickly situates herself next to a heaving Lorna, pulling her hair back and rubbing her head softly. "I've got ya, baby. I've got ya," she whispers, lips pressed against the back of her head. The convulsions she feels from her girlfriend rip at her heart. She can't stand to see her in such a condition.

"Ma-make it stop… _please_  make it stop, Nicky," the petite Italian cries out once the sensation has subsided a considerable amount. She flushes the toilet, wipes herself off, and pulls her knees up to her chest. Everything in her feels like mush at this point. Heaving so violently, she can tell, has tugged on the needle of the feeding tube in her abdomen. She shakes her head—as if the feeding tube is even working now, a prudent thought.

"I want to,  _baby_ , believe me. Seeing you this sick…oh, Lorna sweetie, it hurts me. I want ya to be healthy more than anything," Nicky lovingly assures, her eyes gazing achingly into her lover's. She instantly pulls her into her arms, cradling her tight against her chest. Running hands softly through thick brown waves, "Can ya answer me something, sweetie?"

Lorna gulps but nods her head, burrowing closer to Nicky. Craving the closeness—the warmth that enthralls her. "What's the question?"

Thickly swallowing, the redhead takes a moment to rationalize before giving in to her own stupefaction. She takes an intense look over Lorna—trying to read through her. Trying to find some kind of clue. There's nothing, nothing that will answer her unasked inquiries. "You're not…you're not making yourself sick—are you, baby? I need you to be honest. I need to figure out what's going on, kid. But you need to answer this first. I love you and I'll love you regardless of the answer, sweetheart."

Such a question rapidly forms a stream of tears. Lorna peers up at Nicky with pained eyes, giving a violent shake of her head. "No, Nicky, why-why would ya say that? You-you think I'm fucking psycho? I-I would never pretend to be sick…I-I—"

"No, my baby, no," Nicky softly interjects, cupping her hands delicately around the brunette's tear-brimmed cheeks. She uses her thumbs to wipe affectionately at the tears. "That's not what I meant. What, what I'm asking is…is if you're forcing yourself to throw up? It's okay, sweetie, it's okay to be honest with me. I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to take care of you. But you have to tell me the truth. You have to be honest, baby."

"I'm nauseous all the time, Nicky…I throw up because  _it hurts so bad_  if I don't. It's not something I wanna fucking do. I feel sick and disgusting after it. Why-why do ya think I want to? You think I'm a mental person, don't ya?"

The agony in her voice tears gut-wrenchingly on Nicky's heart. Seeing the gleam in her eyes, that makes it even worse—fills her own up with tears. With a sniffle, she brushes her lips feathery over the brunette's. "No, no, I don't think that. I'm just worried and concerned for you. I don't want you to be hurting. I only ask, baby, because ya don't have the healthiest relationship with food. I wanna make sure it's not something to do with that. That's all. And I'm glad to hear you're not doing this to yourself…God,  _sweetheart_ , ya have no clue how much damage that could cause. It's a good thing you're not forcing it. We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise. Ya just—I know feeling so nauseous is uncomfortable and painful but ya have to try not to vomit too much, yeah? You're already malnourished as it is…I don't want that to get any worse. I need my baby to be healthy."

"But-but-but you don't understand…I can't fucking function with how bad this is. I feel so sick every day, Nicky. I can't do this anymore. I need relief. No matter what I try, it don't work."

Laying Lorna's head softly onto her chest, Nicky drops a kiss to her head and lets out a sigh. She knows her words are right. This can't go on any longer. Something needs to be done. Another sigh escapes her as she runs a hand lovingly through her hair. "I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry you feel this way. Seeing you sick like this—I can't stand it. Maybe we should take ya back to the hospital? Ya shouldn't fucking feel this way all the time, angel. It's not okay and I'm not gonna sit back anymore to watch. You need to get healthy so we can be happy."

The mention of hospital sends a strong shiver down her spine. Her head shakes instinctively. There's no way she'll set foot back in there. Not after everything that it brings back. "No way, Nicky. I can't."

"Lorna, what the hell do ya wanna do? Sit around and get worse? No, absolutely not. You need to get looked at—something's obviously wrong, baby. You can't live life in this condition."

Pulling away, Lorna pulls her knees up to her chest and rocks in rhythmic pattern. "I don't want looked at. I don't trust doctors," she murmurs, her face burying against her legs.

Nicky feels a lurking ache in her chest to see Lorna regress so suddenly in such a manner. She sighs and places a comforting hand over her head. " _Baby_ , I'm gonna be with you. I won't let ya get hurt—you don't think that, do you? I love you; my job is to protect you. You're safe with me, baby _, always_. It's okay," her voice soothes into her ear, fingers brushing lightly along her flesh.

"I said no.  _No._ "

"At least let me have Gloria look ya over? Is that okay, Lorna?  _Please._  You know she won't do anything to hurt you. She cares about you, sweetie. What's going on, hmm? What's making you so scared?"

With a reluctant nod, Lorna lets out a frustrated grunt and glares down at the floor. "But not near any hospitals. I'm not scared. Just please stop. I can't take this right now. Please stop.  _Please stop_ ," anger slowly over takes the fear; she balls her hands tightly into fists, face heating with rage.

The sudden switch of moods rings alarm-bells throughout Nicky's head; she takes the clearly agitated brunette back into her arms, letting her press up against her chest. "Seriously, Lorna, what's going on? You're worrying me. Calm down, sweetheart, you're shaking. Shh, shh, shh. You're okay. You're okay, doll. Close your eyes, just close your eyes and take a nap. It's gonna be alright. You don't need to work yourself up. We'll go to ma's after you have a little nap, sweetie."

* * *

It's nearly a half-hour past four in the evening when Red's interrupted from her reading by the sound of a light knocking on the living room's door. Quickly, she marks the page and sets aside her glasses before making her way in there to open it. Her eyes fill with warmth to see Nicky's standing on the other side with Lorna. She smiles and motions for the both to come in.

"Oh, girls, it's good to see you. How've you two been?" She throws out her questions, pulling them both in for a much-desired embrace. A kiss is pressed to the top of both of their heads before she releases her strong hold. Her blue orbs gaze them over intently and quickly take notice of the slight melancholic vibe that seems to seep through the room.

Giving a warm smile, Nicky can't help but feel a comfort being in her mother's house. The Russian woman always makes her feel better, even in the worst situations she's come to realize. And she knows, a time like this is the perfect time for a mother's comfort. "We've had better days, ma. Figured coming to see ya might make us feel better. How've  _you_  been?"

Motioning for them to follow, Red walks back to the kitchen and readies a fresh kettle of tea. While it sits on the stove, she turns her attention back on the younger women. "Everything okay? Lorna, how are you feeling? Oh, I've been just fine—don't you worry, my Nicky. A visit from you two is a nice surprise," she admits, a warm smile on her face.

Lorna only musters up a small smile and shrugs, plopping down in an empty seat at the table. She lets her eyes wander down to the wooden design, keeping quiet.

Concerned, Nicky sighs and slides in the seat next to her. She covers a hand lovingly atop the other's. "Talk to her, sweetheart. You're safe here. Anything you say is safe."

"All right, girls, what's going on? Why do I sense a problem?"

Seeing that the petite brunette isn't going to make an effort to say anything, Nicky takes it upon herself to inform her mother of the reason for their visit. Her fingers brush delicately along each of Lorna's knuckles as she peers over into the Russian matron's light, worried, eyes. "Well, Lorna's been having a lotta nausea lately—really bad. We came here to see if Gloria might be willing to look her over. She refuses to go to the hospital," a sigh exhales through her lungs.

"Hmm, I see," Red nods intuitively and goes to fix three cups of freshly-brewed tea. She carries them, two at a time, over to the table to place on its surface. "Is there any chance you might be pregnant, Lorna? I'll tell Gloria to pick up a couple tests on her way home so you can check to see. Are you having any other symptoms?"

Pregnant? The thought, alone, forces a choke out of the young brunette. Her eyes widen as she profusely shakes her head. There's no way that's possible…she hasn't had—oh, she finally remembers, the sexual assault during her captivity with Vinny. A hard lump sits in her throat. "I-I can't be," she sputters out.

Taking a hand in hers, Nicky brings it to her lips for a soft kiss. She gazes into her eyes with nothing but pure love. "That's actually a real possibility, baby. I know ya don't remember…but Vinny—he hurt you and there's a small chance it caused you get pregnant," she informs her before averting her eyes over at Red, she gives a nod. "I think you should tell Gloria to get those pregnancy tests. Better to check."

* * *

"Okay, I've got a few different brands of tests," Gloria's warm accent enters the room, the sound of paper-bags crinkling as she walks. She dumps them out onto the floor, peering around until her eyes land on Lorna. A very anxious and jumpy Lorna, she sees. " _Hey_ , it's okay. Whatever the results are, it'll be just fine. You have a lot of support here, honey. Don't be scared."

 _Okay?_  Being pregnant with Vinny's baby is definitely not okay, the brunette internalizes. No, she thinks, that will only complicate everything even more. Will only make her life harder in the long run. The last thing she needs right now is to be carrying an abusive man's baby. Just holding the box of pregnancy tests in her hands is enough to trigger a fresh new round of tears. She can't handle this agony.

"Come here, kid, I'll help ya. It's gonna be okay," Nicky's husky voice soothes; she gets up off the couch and takes hold of her distressed girlfriend's hand, softly leading her to the bathroom at the end of the hall. She shuts the door behind them, watching closely as Lorna shakily prepares herself for the test. "Please don't stress over this. It's okay, Lorna,  _it's okay._  No matter what I'll be right here with you. I'll always be here. I promise."

Lorna immediately shakes her head. That's not true, she knows. Having Vinny's baby will not be okay. It'll do more harm than good. "I can't. I can't do it, Nicky."

Heart aching strongly, Nicky envelops her arms snugly around the brunette's waist and pulls her lay against her chest. Lips stroke atop brown waves. "Sweetheart, you can do this—you have me to help ya. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm gonna be right here. Everything is gonna be just fine, my baby. Whatever the result, I'll still love you so fucking much. Nothing will change that. You're my baby; you'll  _always_  be my baby."

With a large sigh, Lorna shakily grabs one of the boxes—tears it open—and takes out a stick. Her hands tremor lightly as they hold onto it; she pulls down her pants and panties before anxiously taking a seat on the toilet. Another shaky breath exhales from her lungs. She nervously places the pregnancy test inside the toilet bowl in the right spot and waits.

"Aw, baby, please don't shake so much. Seriously, you have nothing to worry about. Everything is going to work out. I promise, doll. You're with me and you know I'm always gonna take care of you. No matter what," Nicky pleads, eyes staring desperately into terrified ones. She places her hand tenderly on one of Lorna's thighs, stroking soft circles around its flesh. "It's all okay…everything's okay, sweetie."

When she finishes relieving herself, she swallows a thick lump and shakily brings the stick out of the toilet. Anxiety continues to build up. Her hands become clammy and shaky from the pure terror. Lorna very cautiously brings the test up to an area she can have a better look at the results. A deep breath in; she stares heavily at it. Everything inside her freezes at the result she sees. Her eyes widen tremendously.


	25. Chapter 25

_Chapter Twenty-Five_

"No," Lorna finally mumbles, holding the positively-reading pregnancy test a few feet back from her face. She shakes her head in disbelief. " _No,_ " her voice repeats, this time with a faint whimper coming out as well. She throws it across the room, wanting the vile thing as far away from her as possible. Out of all the things that could happen to her, this is the last thing she wanted. A reminder of a dark time in her life. A time in her life that she's ready to move on from. And now— _now_ she'll be reminded of it for the rest of her life. She will never be able to leave behind her past. A sick, twisted, awareness that immediately has a knot form in the pit of her stomach.

The outburst confirms the seeping suspicion Nicky had. A small sigh comes through as she walks over to grab the thrown stick. The stick, that without doubt, has changed Lorna's life dramatically. Her hands cup around it, shielding the middle from the brightness, and eyes gaze intently at its middle. She nods intuitively, eyes fill with empathy; she sets the stick on the counter and turns her focus on the brunette.

"Ya know sometimes these tests aren't always accurate. I think it'd be best if we go to the hospital and have a blood test. Then we'll know for sure. I know, baby,  _I know_  ya hate hospitals—but ya wanna know whether you're really pregnant or not, yeah?"

Swallowing thickly, the younger woman gives a small nod. The words bring both a comfort and ache over her. She hates herself for actually hoping the test is wrong. A baby, she knows, is the purest thing in the world. But having Vinny's—why, that would tear her up inside. "Am I…am I sick for wanting you to be right? I mean I wanna be a mom someday, Nicky…but-but  _not now_. And not to Vi-Vinny's child. I feel ill to even think of that."

Such an inquiry forces a twinge to lurk in her chest. To know that she would even consider a thing like that—it makes Nicky's stomach churn. She shakes her head fiercely and pulls the timid brunette into her strong arms. Lips stroke against brown waves. "No,  _absolutely not_. You are not even remotely sick for wishing that. Don't even think that bullshit, baby. It's a logical thing to not want to be pregnant with a man like Vinny's—rapist abuser—offspring. I hope for your sake that this test is false, too. You don't fucking deserve to be put through that kinda shit. You've already endured so much pain…you really don't need anything more, my baby."

"What if—what if I really am pregnant, Nicky? Ya want me to leave? I'd rather not burden you with that…you've done so much for me, hon, I can't bother ya with an unwanted pregnancy, too. It-it's not fair," the words fumble rapidly out of Lorna's mouth in between harsh sniffles. Her brown eyes pierce strongly up into the other's.

"Do I want you to leave?" Nicky repeats the question, thinking she heard it wrong. Wishing she heard it wrong. Grabbing Lorna's cheeks in her hands, she allows her big orbs to stare sternly into hers. "What the fuck would ever make ya even ponder that? What the fuck, Lorna? Why would I ever want you to leave? Pregnant or not, you will always be loved by me.  _Always._  Nothing will ever take away the deep love I have for you… _nothing_ , sweetheart. Please believe me. Believe my words, Lorna, because lying is something I never do. Not to you.  _Ever_."

Fingers caress lightly along the curve of Lorna's face. Nicky sighs, gazing warmly into her eyes. " _If_ you're pregnant, I'm gonna be right here to take care of you. I don't care. I love you, Lorna. I'd never fucking abandon you over some shit ya had no damn control over.  _You didn't ask_  to be raped, baby.  _You didn't fucking ask_  to possibly end up pregnant. Get that outta your head right now. No more of that," she firmly assures, pressing her lips warm against a soft cheek.

"And  _you_  didn't ask to have such a bothersome patient."

"Stop it,  _stop it right now_ ," Nicky hoarsely yells, tightening her hold on the petite Italian. Anger begins to bubble underneath the surface. She grits her teeth to keep it from showing. "You are more than a patient. You're the love of my life, Lorna—I will do anything in the fucking world for you. You're right, sweet baby, I didn't ask for any of this…but for fuck's sake, I don't give a rat's ass. Your problems are  _our_  problems. How many times I gotta tell you? How many times until ya finally believe me?"

Shaking her head, Lorna slightly pulls away from the taller woman. Her eyes look intently ahead. She can see the sincerity shinning through the eyes of her lover's. Deep down, she knows that everything that comes out of her mouth is nothing short of honesty. It's not that. It's not questioning whether Nicky's sincere or not…it's questioning whether she deserves her or not.

"Nicky, I do believe you. That's not the problem," she finally speaks up, a large breath of air releasing from her lungs. "The problem is that I don't…I don't want you to be bothered with this. It's not right—you don't deserve to be bothered with anymore a my shit, hon. I love you so much and-and there's not enough ways for me to show ya my appreciation. But-but I can't keep doing this to ya. Why would ya even want me? I—I—"

Without any thought, Nicky smashes her lips with the other's to stop her from rambling nonsense. She keeps the kiss going until they're both nearly blue in the face from lack of oxygen. "That's enough. That's just about enough," her voice murmurs over Lorna's lips, breath hotly trickling on them. "I'm not bothered by you. You're my baby, Lorna, you will never be a bother. I know it's so, so hard for you to not think that but I need you to try, yeah? Can you try for me, sweetie? Try not to worry about that shit. Just think about how much I love you and how much I wanna spend the rest of our lives together. And if a baby happens to be in the foreseeable future then we'll deal with that  _together_. You can teach me how to handle a baby, right? I'm sure ya got some good mommy skills. You're so sweet and loving, Lorna. Me—well I never even held a baby, let alone thought of having one. But your baby—that's a different story, kid. Your baby will have you inside and that's pretty damn special.  _You're_  pretty damn special."

The heartfelt, affectionate, words quickly elicit a cloud of tears to run down Lorna's porcelain cheeks. She throws her arms snugly around Nicky's neck, pulling her as close as she can have her. Lips touch delicately over lips. Hands frame around faces. " _No, honey, you're_  pretty damn special. And I'm more than lucky to have you. You're my angel, Nicky. I love ya so, so much—I don't know how I'd live without you," she whispers, lips a mere centimeter from brushing against the redhead's.

"It's a tie— _we're both_  pretty damn special," the older woman chuckles and yanks Lorna closer, kissing her hotly on the lips. She rests their forehead tenderly together, letting her eyes get lost in her girlfriend's. "My beautiful Lorna," her breath warm against the mouth underneath; she runs a finger lightly along her chin and cheekbones. "Fuck it," she says, releasing her hold and slowly positioning herself on one knee.

Tears pour even faster from Lorna's eyes to see such an action. She gazes down at Nicky, a very apparent love seeping through her. "Nicky," she softly starts, reaching down to place her hand over the redhead's cheek. "What-what are ya doin', baby? Why are ya on your—" Before she can even finish her thought, the realization hits her and has a fresh batch of sniffles plague her.

"You called me baby, baby," Nicky smiles, her heart all but melting inside of her at the warm gesture. She softly takes one of Lorna's hands in hers, squeezing it tenderly. "So, so sweet you are, my Lorna baby," she hums, carefully bringing the hand she holds up to her lips for a soft peck. Stroking her thumb lovingly around pale knuckles, her big brown eyes pour strongly into Lorna's. "Would ya marry me, beautiful doll?"

Mouth gaping open in both shock and sheer excitement, Lorna nods her head enthusiastically. Her arms wrap tight around the other's neck, pulling her back to stand in front of her. She plants a long, fierce, kiss onto her lips while peering compassionately into her irises. "Yes, Nicky,  _yes—yes, of course I will._  I love you…I love you more than anything and anybody. You're my angel—my precious angel who I know I can't ever live without. You have no clue, hon, no clue how much you've saved me.  _Thank you_ ," her voice cracks with the rising emotion. A few sobs come galivanting through her windpipe.

"Thank  _you,_  baby, for agreeing to be my future wife. Now, we really can spend the rest of our lives together… _forever_. God, I love you," Nicky breathlessly murmurs, pulling her back in for a tender stroke of the lips. She uses her hands to brush strands of hair from her eyes and smiles lovingly at the woman she loves. The woman who will one day be her wife. "I'm gonna take care of you for as long as we both live, my love. And the maybe baby that may or may not be inside ya. Everything's gonna work out."

* * *

When the two young women finally reappear from the bathroom, they're greeted by the warm aroma of sugar cookies that leads to the kitchen. They walk, hand-in-hand, through the living room and into where the delightful smell comes from. A warm smile spreads on Nicky's face to see what they've come in to. Her eyes watch as both Red and Gloria work together at setting cookie batter onto the baking sheet—a comforting sight that makes her thankful for the family she's gained over the past several years.

Hearing footsteps, Red turns away from her work to give a glance at the culprits. She looks them over intently, surprised to see the smiles on their faces. "You two were in the bathroom quite a while—everything okay, my girls?"

Nicky nods slowly, wrapping an arm lovingly around her fiancée's shoulder and squeezing her softly. Lips brush against the top of her head as she gives a warm stare back towards her mother. A smile spreads across her face. "It will be, ma. Mmm, it sure smells like Heaven in here—what are ya guys baking?"

"Some sugar cookies," Gloria decides to chime her way into the conversation. She places the dough-filled tray into the preheated oven before turning to focus her eyes on the two younger women. "Red and I figured that no matter the results of the test, some cookies would be a welcome either way," her voice trails off slightly, looking between the pair of them. She fixes her glance on Lorna, a bout of concern rising for her. "So, what's the verdict?"

"Well, uh, there was a plus sign on it…"

Massaging her hands warmly around Lorna's tense shoulders, Nicky nods intuitively while kissing the side of her face soothingly. "Yes, there was. But there's a chance it's not accurate, yeah Gloria?" Her head tilts slightly, a tactic to silently tell the Hispanic woman to add some sort of assurance to her words.

"Oh, of course there's a chance. It's definitely a good idea to go get a blood test. That will tell ya the real truth, Lorna. Believe me, when I was trying to get pregnant with my boys…both times, the home test gave me a negative and found out weeks later that I was actually pregnant. So, don't get all stressed out right yet, sweetie. It might just be a false positive. And for you, I hope it is. Because I know how much it would hurt being pregnant with your abuser's baby."

Lorna slowly nods in return, exhaling a large breath of air. Oh, how she longs for both of them to be right on that. How she hopes and prays that this result is all just a lie. That the only thing inside are her organs. "I-I don't wanna even think about that anymore," she admits, resting her head subconsciously on Nicky's shoulder. "Hmm," a soft hum, fingers brushing against the flesh of her chin. "Nicky proposed to me…in the bathroom—after I had a mental breakdown," she smiles, a light laugh slowly tearing through her throat at the thought. The thought of how a moment that's supposed to be romantic and full of happiness was merely the opposite. Something she would have never imagined as her teenage self.

Proposed? The word quickly catches Red's full courtesy. She walks over to the young couple and engulfs them in a tight embrace, pressing maternal kisses to each of their heads. "That's some good news we could all use right now…and a good reason for cookies," a smile takes form on her face at the thought of a future wedding. Her Nicky's future wedding—something, even only a year ago, she would have never even pondered such an idea.

The news brings a soft smile to the Hispanic woman's face as well; she graciously makes her way over and joins the embrace. "The love you girls share…it's beautiful," she points out, repeating Red's actions with her own motherly kisses to their heads. Finally, the hug breaks and she fixes a glance on the petite brunette. "That, Lorna," her voice warmly begins, she moves her hand between both she and Nicky, " _That's_  what real love is—what unconditional, true, love is. It's what you and Nicky have. You two are gonna have a very happy life together. I'm real happy for ya girls."

* * *

A solemn piece of paper is what it is. Lorna grumbles out her irritation as she takes the folded-up piece of flimsy paper and chucks it across the living room. How it enrages her to have a piece of Vinny growing inside of her—a constant reminder of the person she fears most. The person who's taken nearly an entire decade away from her. It sickens her…maddens her to be carrying such a vile man's baby. And, what maddens her even more is that she loathes herself for wishing the baby didn't exist. The innocent baby who, she knows, didn't choose to be created. She hates herself for even pondering the idea of getting rid of it or giving it up. She wants to love her baby. But she's not sure she has the capability.

"Lorna?" The familiar, raspy, voice calls out and quickly brings Lorna out of her raging fit. She swallows thickly, finally getting a good look around the room and feels a sick guilt rise inside. The room's a mess, she realizes, and it's all her doing. "Lorna—what's happened in here? Looks like a tornado tore through, kid," the voice grows closer and is revealed to be a very concerned Alex who's come to interrupt her destruction.

Panting from the drainage her anger fit has caused her, Lorna sighs and collapses into her best friend's awaiting arms. Tears fill her eyes at the very real possibility of having to birth her abuser's child. It forms an uncomfortable knot in her abdomen. A knot that may never be untangled.

"Hey,  _hey_ ," the older woman's voice soothes into her ear, arms enveloping comfortingly around her small frame. "What's wrong? Huh? What's the matter, baby?" Her hand runs delicately through her friend's brown waves, hoping to bring her some comfort. It always makes her heart ache to see the young brunette in such a distressed state like this.

Nestling instinctively against the warmth that engulfs her, the petite Italian swallows a lump at the information ringing through her mind. Something she rather not have to share with anyone. Something she yearns to go away. But it won't. She can't make it go away, no matter how hard she wishes and pleads with God. This baby will forever be inside her—or for the nine months it takes to form a full-term baby.

"What, what are ya doing here, Al?" The question spills out of her mouth—an action she hopes will change the subject. Though, she doubts it will. Alex always senses her facades. Always knows when something's going on with her.

"I was in the neighborhood and it looks like it's a good thing I was…please, Lorn, tell me what's wrong. It's a mess in here, kid—ya usually hate messes," Alex wearily points out, light eyes gazing intensely down into dark ones. Concern rises with each passing minute.

Lorna sighs heavily and pulls herself out of the embrace—an embrace that usually always brings her a sense of security but, now, only aides in her terror. "I—there's a baby inside me, Al. The results just came in today and-and I feel sick inside. So sick to wish it wasn't true." Her head shakes shamefully, head bowing down towards the ground. A baby is innocent. She disgusts herself for resenting the poor baby inside of her womb. The poor baby who didn't ask for any of this, she knows.

Quirking a puzzling eyebrow, the black-haired woman takes her friend's face into her hands and gazes gently into her orbs. She brushes the tips of her fingers calmingly around her cheeks. "A baby inside ya? You're pregnant?" If the circumstance wasn't so sad and heartbreaking, she'd have to chuckle at the pure stupidity of her own question. But she doesn't. No, all she does is feel her heart shatter tremendously for her broken best friend. "Shh, shh, it's okay. It's okay. Ya wanna maybe tell me how ya ended up pregnant? It's okay, kid, I'm here. You know ya can talk to me about anything, yeah? We'll  _always_  be best friends, baby."

"Vin-Vinny," she chokes out, sobs gradually shaking through her throat. "When…when he brought me to that cottage—I think something, something happened, Al. I don't remember. But the doctor—when I was in the hospital—he-he told me I was raped," saying it aloud makes it all the more painful. To finally admit what's been done is tearing her up inside.

 _Raped._  Her best friend since middle school—who's been cruelly abused for years—has also been raped. The word, alone, sends a cold shiver down Alex's spine. Builds a rage in her chest. A rage to think that any person could ever do something so heinous. To a person as sweet as Lorna. Oh, how it infuriates her immensely to think of that. How she longs to choke the hell out of Vinny for every pain he's caused that loving woman. The woman who wouldn't even hurt a damn fly.

"Lorna…oh, Lorna, I-I'm so sorry. So sorry you've been violated in that way. God, kid,  _you are the last person_  on this planet who deserves that kinda evil pain. Oh, fuck…fuck do I wanna just kill Vinny with my bare hands. How dare he— _how fucking dare he_  forcefully take away your virginity like that. What a twisted little bastard he is.  _Fuck._  Lorna, baby, I'm so sorry," her raspy voice softens at the sound of Lorna's heartrending cries. She takes her back into her arms, sitting them on the couch and rocking her tenderly.

"What do I do? What do I do, Alex?" Lorna peers up at the other, her eyes bewildered and disoriented from all the emotions shuffling around her head. All the hormones rising from the very early pregnancy.

Taking her head into her hands, Alex gives a soft kiss to her cheek before gently laying it against her chest. She runs her hand over and over through her medium-length hair, twisting loose strands into small ringlets. "Shh. Ya need to just calm down. You have time, kid, time to figure this out. And please…please don't think you're alone. Ya got Nicky and me and Poussey—we're all here for you, baby. You never have to go through anything alone, okay?"

Chest tightening at the mention of her beloved redhead—the same woman she's now engaged to—the brunette shakes her head as the cries only grow louder and harder. The last thing she wants is to burden her Nicky. Her Nicky who doesn't deserve to be put through this. It makes her whole body hurt to have to tell her about the very real pregnancy. Nicky's done so much for her, she knows, and this is how she thanks her? Oh, she's sick with herself. Sick that she's done this. That she got herself knocked up with a child. A child she's not sure she wants.

"Lorna, say something. Talk to me, kid. What're ya thinking?"

"I'm disgusted."

Her own eyes tearing up, Alex tilts her head and gazes sadly down at her friend. Cradling a hand softly around her cheek, she caresses it with the palm of her hand. "Disgusted? Baby, why? Why are ya disgusted?  _At what_?" It tears her up inside not knowing what the other meant by such a statement.

" _Me_ ," is Lorna's mousy answer. She squeezes her eyes shut, tears continuing to stream along her porcelain cheeks.

" _You?_  What—Lorna…why, why the hell are you disgusted at yourself? Please, honey, tell me you don't fucking blame yourself for this…please tell me you don't think you did something wrong," Alex pleads, her voice nearly cracking into her own bout of sobs. Sobs for the unimaginable amount of hurt her best friend is dealing with. Sobs for the self-hatred that never seems to let up with her.

"I-I don't know, Al," a wrack of sniffles interrupt the brunette's statement. She hides her face in the crook of her friend's neck, tears pooling around its flesh. "I'm disgusted for doing this to Nicky. She's done nothing but take care of me and-and love me and all I have to thank her with is some bastard's baby. I don't deserve that angel. I don't deserve any of her love, Alex. She's too good for me and I—I don't wanna fucking burden her with my bullshit life anymore. She deserves so much better than me. I shoulda—I shoulda just jumped off that roof when I had the damn chance. Because maybe then no one would be bothered by me, ya know?"

Such a confession immediately erupts a convulsion of heavy weeping from the older woman. To hear just how broken and shattered Lorna is, it feels like a knife to Alex's chest. She tightens her arms immensely on the brunette's waist, pulling her as close to her body as humanly possible. Her head shakes infuriatingly. "No, no, fuck no. You stop this right now, Lorna.  _Stop it._  You—you did nothing to Nicky. Don't fucking dare say that. You didn't do this—you didn't fucking make Vinny do this to you. He raped you.  _He fucking raped you_ , Lorna. Vinny's the asshole who did this to you and Nicky. And, Nicky—god, Nicky would never want you to feel this way. Never. Why do you do this? Why the fuck do you hate yourself so much? Please tell me, honey. Tell me why you don't love yourself enough. You can't keep doing this—saying this kinda shit.  _It scares me_  to hear ya wish that you were dead. No one _, no one_ , baby, wants you dead. We all love you so much. Nicky—she would be fucking heartbroken to hear ya talk like this. Fuck it—I'm calling her and telling her to get home. You need her. You need her badly, baby."

"No, no don't bother her, Al. Don't call her. I've burdened her enough for one lifetime," Lorna cries out, trying to free herself from the strong arms that hold her but fails miserably. "Let me go…please let me go. I need to—"

"You need to what?  _Hurt yourself_?  _Abuse yourself even more_  than you've already been by Vinny? No, Lorna, I'm not letting you go. You're staying right here where you're safe.  _And I am_  gonna call her because she's my friend and she deserves to know her girlfriend's suicidal again. This—this is not healthy. You're pregnant, kid, ya can't be doing this shit anymore. You need to stop. I know it's hard…that's why you need people like Nicky and me. You need love. Whether you believe that or not. You do."

* * *

Nicky's heart races in her chest as she runs her way up the staircase to her apartment. She hopes to God that her girlfriend hasn't done anything. That Alex is still with her and keeping her at bay. Anxiety hits full forces as she throws open the door and frisks her way through the kitchen and into the messy living room. It makes her heart pound harder to see the living room in such a state. To see pillows tossed across the floor, papers and books ripped-up on the coffee-table. She swallows thickly.

She finally catches a glimpse of Lorna and feels a strong bout of relief to see that she's safe and sound in her best friend's arms. Her eyes avert to Alex, a softness lurking in them while she stares heavily down at her. "Thank you. Thank you for staying with her—I was scared of what I was gonna come home to…how is she? My baby okay? What happened?"

Running a hand softly through the sleeping woman's hair, Alex lets out a sigh and gives a small head shake. "Honestly…she's not okay. She-she fucking said she thinks we'd be better off if she was dead, Nicky. She thinks she's a burden to you," her voice cracks at the thought—the thought of ever losing her best friend. The only family she has left. It doesn't sit well with her at all.

"I figured, ya know, I'd stop by to see how's she doing and…the place was a mess, I heard her yelling and throwing things. All because she's pregnant…with the fucking monster's baby. She's hurt, so fucking hurt over this. How does she heal? Why can't she just ever catch a damn break, huh? Does the world like torturing her?"

Now it all makes sense. Nicky places her hands on her temples and massages them carefully. The one time she hoped she was right…she's wrong. A guilty pang rises in her chest. Her eyes linger on Lorna—softly gazing her hurting body over, longing to make this all go away for her. To make her whole again and bring a smile to her face. A sigh erupts from her throat at the fact that there's nothing that can be done to change things. Nothing can undo all the harm.

"I know,  _I know_  she thinks that. Poor baby. She—she's so sweet and so pure…she doesn't deserve this shit. Vinny's the scum of the earth for doing this to her. For ruining things for her every damn chance he gets. Here, give her to me. You go home to your girl, yeah? At least one of us should be happy," she brokenly throws a smile her way, before scooping the sleeping Lorna into her eagerly awaiting arms. She sighs, holding the woman protectively against her chest. Wishing it would take all the pain and heartache away.

* * *

Hours later, Lorna groggily wakes up and takes a look around at her surroundings. She quickly takes notice that she's in her bedroom with Nicky laying right beside her, stroking her face with tender fingers. Scrunching her face somewhat, she looks at the older woman in confusion. "Nicky? When, when did ya get home? And how did I end up in bed?"

"Hey, baby," the husky voice whispers warmly into Lorna's ear; big brown orbs watching her closely. She snakes her arms tight around her waist, pulling her closer. "I carried you to bed a little bit ago, figured you'd be more comfortable in here. How was your nap? Ya feel any better? Alex told me how upset you were…that ya brought up how ya think you're a burden to me. Baby, what did I tell ya about that?"

"Can we not talk about that right now?"

" _Lorna._  We're a team, sweetheart, we gotta work through this together. That's how relationships work. Talk to me. Why do you still feel undeserving of love?"

Gulping, the brunette shifts uncomfortably and pulls the comforter over her head. She can't do this right now. Dwelling on it will only make her feel worse. She doesn't need that. Doesn't need anything else to feel worse about. "I'm pregnant," she whispers, her voice muffled by the blanket. A fresh batch of tears come to the surface. It's not something she's okay with. Not something she wants right now. But it's the only thing she can really say without having to think too much.

Lifting the blanket softly from her, Nicky's eyes soften with compassion. She turns on her side and throws an arm affectionately around the brunette's waist. "I know. It's okay. I told ya that even if you did end up pregnant that my love isn't going to disappear, and I mean that. I love you so fucking much. You're not dealing with this alone, ya hear? I'm right here, baby, I'm gonna be right here with you. Whatever you wanna do, I'll be right here to support you. Everything is gonna be just fine, my baby. We have each other and that's all we'll ever need to get through anything and everything, sweethear


	26. Chapter 26

_Chapter Twenty-Six_

Early the next morning, the two women sit at the dining room table with steaming cups of coffee and a plate of fresh toast. Lorna wraps her hands possessively around her hot mug, staring inside at its contents. The steam hits her nose and fills it with the delightful aroma of vanilla bean. She sighs, wishing life could be as simple as her cup of coffee. That she doesn't have to stress over her future the way she constantly is.

Nicky watches her intently, sipping on her black coffee vigorously for the much-needed caffeine fix. Her heart sits heavy inside her chest—filled with sorrow for everything her lover has to deal with. For all the uncertainties that lie ahead of them. She grabs a slice of toast from the plate between them and uses a knife to spread strawberry jam onto it with.

"How're ya doing this morning, doll?" She warmly inquiries between bites of food, eyes gazing compassionately across at the petite brunette. Searching for any signs of deceit. She knows how much the other loathes sharing her true emotions with anyone.

Swallowing another gulp of coffee, Lorna gives a slight shrug. Not any different than last night, she internalizes. Knowing a baby is growing inside of her— _Vinny's_  baby at that—she feels strongly conflicted. She swallows thickly at the thought. "I don't really know," is her response. And it's the truth, she sees. Because she doesn't know. She doesn't know what to do about  _any_ of this.

Nodding, Nicky reaches over to cover Lorna's hand with her own. She strokes her pale knuckles softly with her thumb. "We'll get through this, my doll, together. You don't need to stress over anything right now, yeah? You're not even a month into the pregnancy so ya don't need to make any decisions yet. Let's just get some food in ya," her tone warm and loving as she takes another slice of toast, smearing it with butter, and then places it on the empty plate that sits in front of the brunette.

" _I can't eat._  Just looking at it makes my stomach hurt, Nicky. I just…why? Why couldn't he of at least used a fucking condom when he violated me? Seriously, why the hell would he wanna risk a pregnancy when he hates children? I don't get it."

"That's just it, Lorna. He did that to have another hold on you—to give ya another fucking problem to deal with. It wasn't enough that he raped you—oh, no,  _he had_  to make sure he left his god forsaken seed inside you, sick fucker." Nicky sucks in a deep breath to calm the firing rage. As much as she despises that good-for-nothing Vinny, she loves her Lorna even more and sees that she must focus her energy on  _that_. She stands up from her chair and walks to the other side where her fiancée sits. Her hands frame lovingly around her porcelain cheeks, " _Whatever_  you wanna do, baby, is perfectly fine with me.  _No matter what_. But let's not worry about that right now, yeah? The last thing ya need is more stress."

Lorna sets aside her mug and throws her arms up. Not worry about it? Like hell she could stop herself, she thinks. There is a baby growing inside her and she's not entirely sure she  _wants_  that. Isn't entirely sure she has the capability to handle something like that, even more so with the baby's father being her abuser/rapist. The thought of his offspring inside of her womb—it forms a very rough knot in the pit of her stomach.

" _How can I not_  worry about it? There's a living—breathing—being growing in me, Nicky. It makes me sick. And I feel disgusted with myself for that. This baby didn't do a damn thing," the younger woman cries out, eyes staring exhaustively ahead at Nicky.

Cradling the palm of her hand tenderly against the bottom of Lorna's chin, Nicky peers intently into her orbs. To see her lover hurt so deeply… _oh_ does it make her heart ache vastly. How it makes her want to take her in her arms and cuddle away all of that excruciating hurt. She sucks in a breath and settles for stroking delicately at the other's face. "Just  _stop,_  baby. Stop thinking about all that shit right now. I know it's hard but dwelling on it isn't gonna change it, ya know? Let's just relax and enjoy the coffee."

"What do I do, though, Nicky? What the hell do I do?"

"Take time to think about things. You don't need to ask me anything. It's your decision whatever you feel ya need to do. I'm not gonna judge ya for anything you choose. I'm here to support ya through all this shit. Please, my baby, don't worry about this. I promise you it's gonna work out. You're not alone in this, don't forget that."

Lorna sniffles, wiping at her teary face with her shirt sleeve. She nods slowly and wraps her arms around her fiancée's neck, burying her face in the crook of it. "Thank you," she whispers, "Thank you, hon. I think having you with me is the only thing that will help get me through this. I love you."

Throwing her arms softly around her petite waist, Nicky strokes her lips lovingly over the top of her head. She combs a hand lightly through her dark waves of hair. "I'm always,  _always_ , gonna be here with ya. You never have to fear otherwise. You're my baby and all I want is to see ya happy, doll-face. I want everything to be okay for you. No more pain or abuse for my sweet Lorna. Just love and affection, yeah?"

"Sounds real nice, hon. But it's me, remember? Something always seems to fuck things up for me. Been like that since I was little. Nothing good ever lasts long."

Nicky shakes her head while tightening her arms around the brunette. She lifts her head up towards her own and rests their foreheads delicately together. Thumbs tenderly caress along porcelain cheeks. "I know ya haven't had an easy life. But I'm here now, baby, I'm gonna take care of you and make sure no more bad shit happens. Please trust my words. I love you more than anything; all I want is to protect you, sweetheart. I won't let anything— _or anyone_ —fuck a thing up for either of us. I swear."

* * *

_Twelve-year-old Lorna sat in the living room and watched as her older sister received another screaming match from Mr. Morello. She sighed and shook her head in exasperation. This was seeming to be an everyday occurrence lately, she'd come to realize. Her sister chose the wrong people to be friends with, she concluded, and now it cost her her youth. And the relationship with their father. But then again, Mr. Morello had always been more than hostile towards the three of them. So was it that much of a loss?_

_She winced at the sound of glass shattering against the hard-wood flooring._

" _Get up to your room and think about what the hell you've done to our family, Francine," her father's voice boomed loudly through the room._

_Lorna observed how his words affected the tall teenage brunette—her face covered in tears and hands held into fists at her side. She didn't like what she saw. To see her older sister in such a state – something she'd never witnessed before. And all because their father couldn't handle a situation without yelling his lungs out. Without insulting his teenage daughter over and over until she couldn't even form a coherent response._

_Mr. Morello shook his head furiously, throwing his hands up and motioning them towards the staircase. "A Catholic family with a knocked-up, unwed, sixteen-year-old whore. I hope you're fucking happy with yourself, Francine. Ya really ruined our reputation with this little teenage girl stunt a yours. How could ya do this? Ya know mom and I fucking warned ya about sex before marriage!"_

_Infuriated and heartbroken, Franny flung herself towards the stairs. She shook her head fiercely, stomping up them two at a time. Halfway through, she stopped and stuck her middle-finger up at her father—at that point not caring what trouble that got her into. "Fuck you," she muttered bitterly, "Fuck you and your dumb Catholic reputation. If we were such_ true _Catholics, we'd go to church more than once a damn year."_

_Swallowing thickly, Lorna knew the minute those two words came from her sister's mouth that she was going to regret it immensely. No one talked back to their father in that way without a death wish. There wasn't much of a shock when she watched Mr. Morello bounce up from his recliner and chase after Franny up the stairs. However, that didn't take away from the pain that lurked in her chest for her. Though she and her sister didn't always get along, the last thing she wanted was to see her get beaten by their own dad._

_Without an ounce of hesitation, she got up from the couch and started in the direction they went. She had to put a stop to this. Sure, Franny's being pregnant in high school wasn't anything to be proud of…but it certainly didn't warrant a beating either, she knew._

" _Uh-uh, where ya going?" Her older brother's voice sternly inquired from behind. He placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from moving. "You're not going to get in the middle of this, Lorna. Ya know how angry dad is—he ain't gonna reason with no one."_

" _But he's gonna hurt Franny—I'm not gonna let that happen. You shouldn't either, Mikey. She's our sister no matter how bitchy she is most of the time."_

_Grudgingly and with a whole lot of reluctance, Mikey followed her up the stairs and towards their older sister's room where harsh yelling could be heard through the crack of her door. As soon as they entered inside, he realized just how right his sister was in forcing him to come up with her. She couldn't stop Mr. Morello alone, he saw. Swallowing hard, he walked up behind their father—who waved a belt aggressively in Franny's face—and did his best to pull him away._

" _Come on, dad, this ain't the way to solve problems. Franny didn't mean what she said—ya know how we teens are, yeah? We say stupid shit all the time without thinking."_

_Mr. Morello shook his head and used the belt to give a smack to his oldest child's behind. "I ain't gonna let her get away with getting herself fucking pregnant in high school, son. That's an abomination to the entire Catholic faith. Now, you better make sure you don't get girls knocked up, boy. Or I'll have to whoop ya into shape too," he hissed, eyes glaring between his daughter and son._

_Mikey sighed and took hold of his father's arm to stop him from swinging it. He pulled him along towards the door, "I think we should go watch some football to clear your head, yeah?" He didn't wait for a response as he all but dragged him out of Franny's room._

_Finally safe from her father's wrath, Franny collapsed against her bed into a fit of sobs._

_Lorna quickly went to shut the door—locking it for security—and ran back to her sister. She jumped up on the bed and let herself crawl beside the broken and disheveled Franny. A sight she never witnessed until now. It made her chest ache tremendously; she loathed to see anyone she loved cry. With a sigh, she wrapped her arms tight around the older girl's abdomen and rested her head on her chest—listening to the sound of her muffled sobs in despair._

" _It's gonna be okay, Fran. Dad will get over it…he has to, you're his daughter."_

_Wiping at the many tears that drip from her eyes, Franny sniffled and peered surprisingly down at Lorna. "Why are ya being so nice? I've been nothing but a bitch to ya all year," she questioned unnervingly._

_Smiling warmly, the younger girl poked a finger softly on her cheek. "Because you're my big sister and I don't like to see ya sad. Or when dad's being a real mean jerk to you," she softly assured, letting her dark eyes peer tenderly up at lighter ones. No matter how often they fought or threw things at one another, Lorna would never wish any harm to her sister. Family was family and she needed that._

" _I don't deserve to have such a sweet little sister like ya," Franny sighed and pulled herself into a siting position on the firm mattress. She shook her head solemnly, eyes focused on the barren walls that surrounded them. "What the hell am I gonna do, Lorn? Shit."_

" _What do ya wanna do?"_

" _I don't wanna have this baby inside a me that's for damn sure. God, I can't take care of a kid—and mom and dad sure as hell won't want another one running around the house," the teen cried out, looking down at her abdomen in frustration. She swore there was a condom used when she and that—whatever his name—guy did the dirty deed on his living room couch. It made absolutely no sense that she ended up pregnant._

_Lorna sat up beside her and placed a comforting hand onto her shoulder. She turned her head to look up into Franny's, eyes gleaming with wretchedness for her. "I'm so sorry, Fran. But Mikey and me can help ya with it—I love babies and always wanted mom to have another. It'll be like having another sibling, ya know?"_

_The other let out a laugh, only shaking her head sadly. If only life was that simple. She much rather it be their mother expecting rather than herself. What that'll do to her in school—it was over, she knew. No one would talk to her anymore. No one wanted to be associated with a pregnant teenager, a daunting awareness. "Except this baby is mine, Lorn. So it's not your sister or brother, it's your niece or nephew. That's_ if _I even go through with this pregnancy. I really don't want to. I don't wanna bring a child into this world when I can't even take care of it. That's not fair," she honestly pointed out._

" _You're not…you're not gonna get an abortion, are ya?" The preteen asked, horrified at the very thought._

_Franny shrugged. "I'm really thinking about it. Lorna, you're too young to understand the circumstances around this baby. Why it's not fair to bring a baby into this house when mom and dad can barely afford the three a us."_

_Lorna stared wide-eyed at her. She shook her head. "It's a sin, Franny, a sin to kill. I know if ya have an abortion, you're killing the baby and dad will beat ya even harder with that belt. Please don't do it. I promise I'll help ya with that baby and-and so will Mikey. Please don't get rid of it," her voice pleaded—begged._

* * *

"I have to keep it," Lorna declares out of nowhere. She comes into the living room—freshly dressed after a long and refreshing shower—eyes big with determination as she plops herself onto the couch beside her lover. The solitude of her shower gave her time to ponder over where her life has brought her to the last couple of months and she's come to the realization that she must go through with this pregnancy. It's her only chance at making something good out of all the pain.

Quirking an eyebrow concerningly, Nicky mutes the television and turns to look at her fiancée. Eyes study her meticulously. "What're ya talking about, doll-face?" She reaches a hand over to place lovingly against Lorna's face, caressing it softly.

The shorter woman stifles a slight laugh and throws her arms fiercely around Nicky's neck—yanking her in for a warm embrace. She strokes her lips hotly over hers. A smile sits on her face as she peers intently into big brown orbs. "The  _baby_ , hon. I have to keep the baby. I hope that's okay with ya…I know it's asking a lot and believe me, Nicky,  _I don't_  wanna ask ya to have to raise some man's baby with me but I love ya too much to not have ya in my life."

" _Lorna_ ," Nicky starts, placing her hands firmly around each of her cheeks. She lets her lips rest tenderly over Lorna's for several seconds before smashing them in a fierce kiss. Pulling away slowly, she leans her forehead softly over the brunette's and gazes affectionately into her eyes. "I told ya that whatever your decision, I'll support you. I mean that, baby. I'm not going anywhere. Oh, Lorna," she sighs, stroking her lips in another kiss—this time softer and slower. "I'm never leaving you, no matter what. I love you and that love ain't going nowhere. Stop stressing over that, baby, it's not ever gonna happen. You and the baby inside you are stuck with me for the resta your lives. So just get used to that, yeah?"

"You really mean that, hon?" Lorna ponders, eyes glistening with a fresh batch of tears. She snakes her arms even tighter around the taller woman's neck and douses her face in soft kisses.

"Of course," she assures huskily, lips mere inches from brushing against her lover's. "Of course I mean that, my baby. I love you with my entire heart—I asked ya to marry me for crying out loud, kid; of course I wanna be here with you forever. And if ya wanna go through with the pregnancy, I do too. Whatever makes you happy, sweetie, makes me happy. Please believe me, I can never be anything but sincere and honest with you. Ya know that."

Tears fall freely from Lorna's eyes; a soft smile forms on her face as she seals their lips together in a gentle peck. She nods knowingly—there's no one more sincere than her Nicky. No one who loves the way she does. One of her most endearing traits, Lorna thinks. "You really are an angel, hon. I love ya so much. Thank you—thank you for everything, Nicky," her voice hums warmly over Nicky's mouth.

Nicky tilts her head slightly and gazes compassionately down at the brunette. She smiles lovingly, brushing the tips of her fingers tenderly along the sides of her face. "You don't needa thank me for anything—that's what you do when you love someone, baby, you do anything and everything you can for that beautiful person. What do ya think love is, huh kid? Shit don't answer that—I didn't think that one through," she tightens her hold on Lorna, nuzzling her chin atop her head.

"I think I have an idea of what love is,  _now_."

"Oh yeah?" Nicky quirks an eyebrow playfully but doesn't release her hold. "What might that be, kid?"

Lorna smiles, "You." She strokes her fingers softly around the flesh of her fiancée's neck and lets her orbs focus up towards her face. "You are the definition of love, Nicky. All ya do is shower me with it and—god, it's  _refreshing_. The most refreshing thing in the world. I just…I can't believe I'm engaged to a person like you. A person only one could dream of meeting."

Chuckling lightly, Nicky drops an affectionate kiss to her head and runs her hands lightly through her dark hair. "Well, my baby, this is not only a dream. I'm right here with you and will be for as long as we both live. And ya better believe I'll be showering you with love for the entire time we're together as well. That's what a sweetheart like you deserves, Lorna. You deserve every ounce of my love and ya better know that."

* * *

A month comes and goes. The pregnancy gradually starts to show on Lorna's petite figure. Any time she walks past herself in a mirror, she freezes at—what she considers—the ungodly sight. No matter how many times Nicky assures her how beautiful she looks, it's not enough to stop her from going back to those dark times. The times where all Vinny ever did was berate and attack her with abusive words. Where she had to focus on staying as thin as possible to appease the man she loved—or rather thought she loved.

" _Lorna_ ," Nicky's husky voice calls out from the hallway. "Come on, we gotta get going before ma has a cow that we're late. You've been getting ready for two hours now, baby; I'm sure ya look absolutely perfect."

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, applying the last of her make-up, Lorna shakes her head at such a comment. She looks like a beach whale who stuffed an entire fridge full of food inside her, she thinks with an eye roll. It infuriates her to see her body ballooning as quickly as it has. The last thing she wants is to become fat again…like her middle school years, she chillingly remembers.

Not wanting to worry the redhead, she reluctantly leaves the bathroom and follows behind her out of the apartment. "This pregnancy slows me down a little bit. I'm sorry, hon."

Softening her features immediately, Nicky turns and looks her over methodically. Her arms encircle protectively around her waist pulling her to lay momentarily against her own body as they make their way to the elevators. She let her lips stroke soothingly over her temple. "Don't be sorry; it's okay, doll. How's the little rugrat today? Is she giving ya any trouble?"

The two walk inside the elevator and Lorna instantly feels a sense of terror at the enclosed space. She tries not to let that show. Not wanting to ruin the light-hearted vibe. Yet, all she can do is remember being trapped in that dark and cramped trunk. How no matter how loud she screamed or kicked the material, no one would come to her rescue.

Standing beside her, the older woman immediately notices the change in her stance. Quickly sees how fearful and silent she's become. It doesn't surprise her too much, realizing the triggering factor to be the elevator. Something neither of them have ridden in since before her fiancée's kidnapping. "Everything okay? What's on your mind, my baby?" She softly inquires, throwing her arms protectively around Lorna's slightly tremoring body.

"Aww, Lorna baby, don't shake…it's okay—you're safe," Nicky soothes into her ear, caressing its flesh with the tip of her fingers.

Sucking in a rather deep breath, Lorna nods slowly and tries to calm herself.  _It's just an elevator, it's just an elevator_ , she tells herself. She wraps her arms tightly around Nicky's neck and hides her face in it. The scent of her perfume comes as a small comfort. "I feel very claustrophobic in here. I'm not a big fan of these things. And-and now I'm  _really_  not…reminds me of the trunk."

Nicky nods intuitively, pulling her as close as she can have her. She smothers the top of her head in soft kisses. "It's okay. I'm right here, baby, I won't let anything happen to ya. Shh, shh," her voice whispers warmly, breath hotly trickling against Lorna's ear. She rests her head on top of hers and holds her tight until the elevator finally comes to a stop at the bottom floor. The door opens and she all but jumps at the sudden sensation of Lorna practically jumping out of her arms to get out of there. She hurriedly catches up to her, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder as she guides them to her car. Her actions speak volumes. Tell her how much she still has yet to overcome.

"Poor baby…you really are scared of being closed in, huh sweetie?"

Lorna sighs and nods. "Is it that obvious?" She can't help but let out a small laugh now that she's in the open air. Laugh not only at how she must have looked in that elevator but that she knows there are children who ride those without any worries and here she is having a panic attack. How fucked up, she thinks. Even children are stronger than she is.

That laugh always warms Nicky's heart. She opens the passenger door for her and smirks lovingly at her. "A little bit, kid. I mean ya forced yourself out of my arms to get outta there…ya never try to get it out of my arms like that. So, duh, you're afraid of small spaces pretty blatantly."

"I hope this baby doesn't inherent my weak genes. Don't want her to end up like me. A grown woman who can't even go on a damn elevator without having a stupid little panic attack. Ridiculous isn't it?"

The smirk instantly fades from Nicky's face at hearing such. She kneels down so that she's eye level with Lorna and stares firmly—yet lovingly—into her brown orbs. Her head shakes fiercely as she cradles her hands delicately around each of her porcelain cheeks. "I hope she does inherit your genes because you're the most beautiful human being I've ever met, Lorna. The sweetest and most precious. End up like you? Baby, that's a good thing. You're a sweetheart. My sweetheart who I cherish so deeply.  _Fuck_ …stop this self-loathing right now. Panic attacks are serious, my baby, don't be so mean to yourself. You've been through hell. You're gonna suffer the aftermath, doll-face. Even if it's months later. Trauma doesn't know when it occurred. But what you're not gonna do is suffer alone. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to support you and comfort you whenever the fuck you need or want it, baby. We'll get through anything together," she murmurs, placing a soft kiss over her lips.

* * *

As soon as the doorbell rings, Red jumps up from her couch and hurries over to open it. The biggest smile forms on her face to see her daughter and Lorna standing on the other side. She wraps her arms tight around them, pulling them in for a very tight embrace. Kisses are pressed to both of their heads. "My girls," she exclaims, finally releasing them and shutting the door. "How've you been doing? Lorna, how's the pregnancy? What's going on with that, honey?"

The two follow her into the kitchen, sitting at the table, and Nicky takes hold of Lorna's hand. She can see the faint pain lurking in her eyes. No matter what façade she tries to put up, Nicky always sees right through. The beauty of love, she deems it. Stroking pale knuckles with her thumb, she averts her attention over towards the Russian matron—who's busy getting a kettle of tea and Russian pastries together—with a small smile.

"We've been doing okay, ma. Just doing our best to survive," she answers, letting her eyes rest back on Lorna. She places her other hand lovingly against her cheek, poking sweetly at the faint dimples that sit at the corner of her smile. "Lorna is going to have the baby.  _We_  are going to have a baby. Isn't she a strong woman, yeah ma?"

Once the tea is finished brewing, Red places the kettle on a tray along with the fresh-baked pastries and carries all of it back to the table. She sits down beside Nicky, after setting the tray in the middle of the table, and can't stop the smile that takes form on her face. At how amazing her daughter has grown to be since she first met her. How mature and loving she is towards the woman she loves. It warms her heart so.

"You'll be a great mom, Lorna. You're so sweet and warm—now, you'll have to show Nicky what to do. She's never really been into babies before. I think it's so admirable what you two have here," she softly informs them, glancing between the two young women. "That baby is gonna be really lucky coming into a family like yours. A family full of so much love. I guess this means I'll be a babushka?" Her heart grows bigger at their laughing nods. She widens her smile at the thought of a precious bundle. "Now, that's the best job in the world."


	27. Chapter 27

_Chapter Twenty-Seven_

"So, how far along are ya?" Poussey ponderously inquiries one Friday afternoon the four women spend out for supper at a local sushi-bar. Her eyes stare interestedly across the booth at Lorna, eagerly awaiting her answer.

Anxiety plagues through her heavily at the innocent question. An innocent question that shouldn't repulse or disgust her. Yet, it does both of those things. It makes her sick to know that this pregnancy has caused her to get big enough for others to take notice and question her for it. With a deep sigh, Lorna reaches for her glass and sips zealously on the bubbling soda. "I guess a month or two…is it  _that_  noticeable already?"

"Oh, no, of course not—Alex just told me about how you were pregnant…I didn't meana imply anything—"

Lorna shoots her eyes in her best friend's direction, allowing them to glare heatedly at her. "Ya thought it was okay to tell people about  _my_  pregnancy without my permission, Al? I thought you were my friend—why would ya do that?"

Concerned with her fiancée's actions, Nicky immediately wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her against her in the hopes of calming her down somehow. She strokes a hand delicately through her hair while dropping a warm kiss atop her head. " _Sweetie_ , I highly doubt Alex told her that to hurt you. That's her girlfriend and she doesn't want to keep things from her. Like how I always tell ya not to keep stuff from me. Just calm down and don't get yourself all worked up, yeah?" Her voice soothes warmly into the brunette's ear, fingers caressing softly around it.

Nodding slowly, Lorna takes in every word that's come from her lover's mouth and feels the anger gradually disintegrate. She forces a smile to her face and fixes her glance back on her best friend. "I'm sorry—I think these stupid hormones are getting to me," she mutters, irritated with herself and everything that surrounds her. Maybe it would have been better had she discontinued the pregnancy, she thinks.

"Don't worry about it, kid. It's all good," Alex gently assures, having a sip of her cold soda. Regardless, her eyes pierce heavily over at the petite brunette, searching her intently. Searching for any deceit to her words. She feels a sudden relief when there doesn't seem to be any silent troubles hiding within her friend's orbs. "So, you're really going through with this? With having the baby?"

"I have to. It's the most obvious thing."

Folding her arms over her chest, the black-haired woman looks piercingly across into her eyes. "You don't  _have_  to go through with it if it's not something ya want, Lorn."

Lorna nods profusely. "Oh, I do. I can't kill a baby,  _my_ baby. Especially when I begged Franny not do exactly that. I'd be a damn hypocrite."

This time it's Nicky who voices her opinion while wrapping her arms protectively around her waist. "You were abused and forced to become pregnant, Lorna. If you chose to have an abortion, no one would ever hate you or blame you for that. Please don't go through this pregnancy if it's not something ya truly want, sweetheart. No one will think any of less you," she sternly assures the brunette, brushing her fingers lovingly through brown waves.

Sticking her hand up, she waves it in her fiancée's face and plasters a smile to her face. A smile that is not completely sincere. A smile that covers up the running worries and inquiries that plague her mind. "I want to have the baby. I wanna make something good come outta this mess. Maybe this baby is my ticket to becoming a better person, hon." She can only hope and pray that that's the case. That this baby is the key to finally healing.

"A better person? Lorna, ya don't needa worry about that—you're already a better person than most people. You've been through hell and yet, you always look for something to smile about. I've never had a stronger or sweeter best friend than you, kid," Alex desperately points out, not entirely sure if she likes where this conversation could possibly be headed.

Lorna shrugs, giving a slight smile. It's challenging to explain what she sees of this new life inside of her. The possibilities he or she will bring to the world. So, with a silent sigh, she decides to keep it to herself and not cause any unneeded puzzlement between the four of them. "Babies are supposed to be miracles. So, maybe this is the key to healing. I hope so."

* * *

Looking through the mail, an envelope with the Courthouse's address at the top quickly catches Nicky's eye. She throws the rest onto the kitchen counter and goes to sit down at the table, the mysterious envelope still held tight in her hands. The moment she sits in the chair, her hands are rapidly tearing at the envelope. Heart pounding heavily inside her chest. Already fully aware of what this must contain information of, only strengthening the rate of her heart-beat.

As soon as her eyes read over the letter, the suspicion quickly becomes reality. She lets out a slow breath of air and lifts her hands up to massage rigorously around her temples. It's a relief that Vinny has been caught and brought to prison…but to put Lorna through another hearing—to force her into an uncomfortable situation as that again, that's something Nicky dreads. Something that magnificently concerns her.

The sound of footsteps against the hardwood floor immediately has Nicky throw the piece of paper into her jean pocket. Her brown eyes glance up to find Lorna coming in from the hallway. She puts a warm smile on her face as she jumps up from the chair and meets her halfway for a tight hug. "What were ya doin', doll?"

"Taking a hot shower. I got a little carried away in there—was just nice to not worry about anything for thirty minutes," she answers with a small smile, throwing her arms tight around Nicky's neck. Her face nuzzles against the soft flesh beneath. "What were ya lookin' at? I saw ya throw something in your pocket, hon. What was it? Anything good?"

Nicky's heart bursts with a mixture of pain and affection at her fiancée's innocent words. How she loathes the idea of putting any new stresses or worries in her lover's already frail mind. She swallows thickly, letting her arms pull Lorna even closer—allowing her face to be smothered by the warmth of her chest. The one place she knows the brunette can never be harmed.

"Oh, it's nothing—nothing that can't wait another day. How about we just order some pizza and watch a movie? It's been a long day, don't ya think baby?"

The brunette relishes in the warmth of her lover's arms. She lets her lips brush lightly along the flesh of her neck before lifting her head to peer into her orbs. "Sounds like the best ending to the day," her voice murmurs softly, eyes twinkling as they continue to focus on Nicky. The one person she knows will never abuse her in the way Vinny did. The woman who makes her feel whole again. Who's shown her that life is worth living.

Her actions melt Nicky's heart immensely. Yet, also, trouble her in having to eventually break the heartrending news to her. To have to inform her of the trial and that she has to be there to testify. She knows that's not going to go over well with Lorna. And deeply worries what that will do with her mental condition—something that still needs be worked through. She sighs and pushes all of that to the back of her mind. It can wait until morning. Right now, she'll enjoy the evening with her Lorna. Keep her as stress free as she can for one night.

"Go look for a movie and I'll call for the pizza—yeah, kid?"

Lorna nods and starts walking towards the living room. She stops halfway, and turns to stare back at Nicky. A loving smile on her face. "I love you," she tells her sweetly.

Nicky chuckles and walks over to her. Hands frame around her porcelain cheeks, she lets their faces inch closer until their lips are met in a soft and slow kiss. "I love you too, baby. Always will," she says, breath warm over Lorna's mouth. She gives her one last loving peck before releasing her and going back to the kitchen to phone for pizza.

Once she is positive Lorna's out of earshot, Nicky takes out her phone and dials Alex's phone number. There's no way she can keep that information to herself. She needs advice from another person – a person who knows Lorna like the back of her hand. Who better to call than Alex? She thinks while waiting through the several rings.

"Hello?" She hears the familiar raspy voice answer on the other end.

Holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder, Nicky paces into the kitchen and uses her hands to mess about with the coffee pot. "Hey Vause, it's Nicky," she informs her, taking out the old filter of dried up coffee and replacing it with a new one.

"Nicky? We just saw each other earlier—what're ya calling about?" The panic in her voice comes as no surprise to the redhead; a sad realization to make, she sees. The last several times she called Alex was of Lorna's either not doing well or being kidnapped. Events that could make anyone worry over a phone call.

"I know, I know." She replies, scooping out ground coffee from its container and placing it into the fresh filter that sits inside the pot. "I just—we got something in the mail and I have no fucking idea how the hell to tell Lorna about it. Especially now. I mean, how the fuck do I tell her that she has to go to the very man's trial who fucking abused her for years to testify in his hearing? She's finally coping a little better and that's all gonna go out the window when she's forced into the same damn room as Vinny."

Nicky can hear the anger seething through her friend's teeth on the other end of the line. She knows exactly how much rage and hate the other has for Vinny—it's the same that she has. And she despises that she is the one to deliver such news to her once again.

" _Fuck_. Are ya serious? When the hell is it? The only good thing that comes outta this shit is that they've finally found Vinny and is locked-up where he fucking belongs."

"It's in two weeks. Like that's even enough time for Lorna to prepare herself to face that monstrosity again. There ain't enough time for that. What the fuck am I gonna do? I can't make Lorna go through that hell again—I can't risk her mental health, Alex. You do remember what happened last time, yeah?" Nicky shakes her head at the chilling memory. The memory of seeing the woman she love transform into a complete stranger. She sighs and goes to grab two mugs from one of the many cabinets. An inward chuckle at the gesture—there's not enough coffee in the world to get them through anything that deals with Vinny, she thinks.

Exhaling deeply on the other line, Alex rubs a hand frustratingly around her forehead. Of course, she's happy to know that Vinny's been captured and brought to prison—but the thought of her best friend having to endure another second in that vile creature's presence makes her stomach flip. She knows for a fact that won't do anything but make her relive all the pain. Will cause her more distress than good.

"Look, Nicky, just don't say anything tonight. P and I will come over tomorrow and we can both tell her, yeah? She's my best friend and I wanna be there for her when she hears about this. She needs to know, no matter how much either of us hates the idea. It's gonna be okay though—she'll have the two of us to support her."

* * *

A half-hour passes before Nicky finally retreats into the living room with two hot cups of freshly brewed coffee. The sight of Lorna's stretched out on the couch, hands placed on her abdomen—assumingly where the baby is—brings a soft smile to her face. She places both mugs onto the coffee-table before going to sit on the cushion beside her fiancée. Her arms naturally wrap around her, pulling her towards her lap.

"What are ya doin' in here being all cute for, huh doll-face?" She lovingly inquiries, lips stroking tenderly against the top of her head.

The sudden sensation of arms wrapping around her has Lorna all but jump. She tilts her head up, eyes gazing astoundingly into Nicky's. "Ya scared me, hon," she admits though quickly relaxes into her protective—loving—arms. "I was just seeing if my stomach seemed bigger. I'm only two months into this—I shouldn't be noticeable, right?"

Quirking an eyebrow concerningly, the redhead reaches her hand to place on the bottom of Lorna's neck and delicately lifts it so they're forced to stare into each other's eyes. Hers gaze compassionately into the younger ones. She caresses the tips of her fingers lovingly around the flesh beneath them. "You look beautiful, my baby. No, you're not noticeable at all. Please don't tell me you're worried over that? Come on, Lorna, that's nothing to stress over. Ya got a baby inside ya—it's normal to gain weight. It's  _healthy_  to gain weight, doll," Nicky sternly assures her, resting her cheek lightly atop her head.

"If I gain weight, I'll get fat and people will look at me. I don't wanna be fat and stared at, Nicky. I don't want people to come up and ask me how fucking far along I am—do ya know how shitty that makes me feel? It makes me feel like some beached whale."

Nicky shakes her head fervently. Her arms tighten around the smaller woman's waist. "That's a bunch bullshit. Ya ain't gonna get fat from gaining some weight. You're underweight, my doll, if anything you'll only gain enough to be a healthy weight and you'll look absolutely beautiful. Fuck people. I'll beat the hell outta anyone who ever makes ya feel that way about yourself, ya hear me? No one will come up to you and ask that, I'll make sure of it. Now, stop with all this worrying and relax. The pizza will be here soon and we can put the movie in now—what'd ya pick, kid?"

Those words make Lorna ponder over what is meant. Does she mean that she'll only be beautiful if she's a normal weight? The thought alone is enough to make her go into panic mode. If that's the case, what is she now? Disgusting, no doubt. A few tears come to her eyes, threatening to pour out at any given moment. She forces them to stay inside. Forces herself not to move or say anything. She can't find anything to say anyway, she internalizes.

" _Baby?_  Ya wanna go put the move in, yeah?" Nicky softly questions, curling a strand of hair tenderly around one of her ears.

Lorna swallows uneasily and finally finds the will to move again. She pushes herself up and out of the other's arms, speeding her way towards the DVD-player to place her chosen movie inside. After she hits play, she walks back to sit on the couch—subconsciously choosing to sit on the other end. Not wanting to be a nuisance to her fiancée tonight.

Such sight worries Nicky vastly, she scoots herself onto the spot directly beside her. Places a hand soothingly over her knee. "Everything okay, baby?" She asks, the concern easily slipping out of her voice.

"Yeah, of course."

"Then how come ya sat all the way over here? Don't ya wanna lay on me tonight?" Nicky carefully inquiries, letting her hand stroke comforting circles around Lorna's leg. She inwardly hopes she didn't unintentionally say something to offend her. To make her withdraw from her affection.

The brunette sighs. Why does Nicky always— _always_ —have to see right through her? Why does she always have to know when something's amiss? Another sigh tumbles from her larynx. And lying to her isn't going to do any good—another thing that Nicky just so happens to know when it's occurring.

"Ya gonna talk to me, Lorn?"

Those all-knowing, big and soft, brown orbs pierce fiercely into her own. Eyes that read her like a book. A gesture that should warm her heart—make her feel blessed to have a person like that in her life. A person who loves her so much that she knows exactly how to handle her. But it doesn't…not in this particular situation, at least. Not when she doesn't want to be open with her. To share her fears and troubles.

"I figured ya might want a night where your entire body doesn't go numb is all," Lorna finally replies, a sheepish smile on her face.

Nicky lovingly rolls her eyes and shakes her head while wrapping her arms back around the brunette's waist. She brushes a tender kiss atop her head of hair. "That's my favorite kinda night, sweetheart. Is when I spend it with my beautiful baby in my arms. I  _always_  wanna hold ya," she warmly enlightens her, mouth pressed softly against Lorna's ear. Her fingers curl gently around loose strands of hair.

Lorna sighs at her comment. She feels disgruntled with herself for not knowing whether to believe them or not. She thought she was doing better in that regard recently, but now everything is making her question things. All she wants—yearns for—is to get better and live a normal life like everyone else she knows. She wants to finally be that normal person she was born to be. But the road to get there seems to never end.

"Lorna baby…are ya sure nothing's bothering you? Ya seem very withdrawn tonight and it's worrying me. Did I say something that hurt you? It's okay, my doll, you can tell me the truth."

"Course' not, hon. I just—it's the hormones. Waring me out, I guess. I'm sorry, Nicky."

Taking Lorna's head into her hands, the older woman strokes her lips over hers and then lays it against her chest. Her hands comb soothingly through her dark waves, over and over. "Don't be, doll. I understand," she murmurs, resting her own head atop Lorna's. She pulls her closer to her body and takes the blanket from the couch, wrapping it around the both of them. "I know the perfect prescription to help with that, though."

Gazing warmly up at her, Lorna gives a small smile. "Hmm, what's that hon?"

Poking the faint dimples that sit at either corner of what Nicky deems her adorable smile, she beams softly back at her. "Snuggling on the couch with your fiancée while watching cheesy movies—doesn't that sound relaxing?"

"It sounds like Heaven," she whispers, nuzzling her face inside the crook of the taller woman's neck. Her arms wrap tight around it. "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby. More than anybody in the entire universe."

* * *

Early the next morning, Lorna finds herself rushing out of her bed and down the hall towards the bathroom to hover over the toilet. Nausea all but consumes her. A terrible, retched, sensation she deems it. A sensation she would rather not deal with. It makes her feel disgusting the way she's plagued with such an overwhelming amount of nausea. And, the fact that it will possibly worry Nicky that it's something she's forcing to happen—that only makes all of this worse.

As if on que, she hears the bathroom door creak open and all color—or what was left of the color—on her face drains. How she loathes for Nicky to see her in this state. A state that she certainly wouldn't willingly choose to be in at this point in time. She sighs, finally able to flush the toilet and clean herself up. While standing at the sink, washing her hands and face, she catches sight of a highly concerned Nicky's standing in the doorway—eyes watching her closely.

"I'm fine, Nicky. Just morning sickness is all," she tells her once she's finished cleaning herself off.

The yearn to believe her is there—more than anything does Nicky want to believe that's true. To believe that her fiancée didn't force herself to do this out of wanting to refrain from gaining weight. But something inside her eats at her—keeps her from fully accepting that reasoning as the culprit of such an episode. A sigh quietly comes from her throat.

"Yeah, are ya sure?" She nearly flinches at the unintended roughness that comes out of her voice-box. She didn't plan to sound so cold. She isn't mad at Lorna—more worried for her than anything.

"Why wouldn't I be? I mean I am pregnant—it's normal to having morning sickness, ain't it?"

Folding her arms over her chest, Nicky gives her a stern stare. "Yeah, it's normal. But you also told me last night how ya don't wanna gain weight because ya think you'll get fat. So, doll, what am I supposed to think when I hear ya retching in the bathroom the very next morning? Come on, Lorna baby, ya gotta admit the irony of the situation, yeah?"

Lorna sighs. She knows what the other's saying makes sense. That it would make for an easy conclusion. But the thought alone that Nicky would accuse of her doing this to herself—it repulses her. Infuriates her. She pushes it aside and turns around to face the redhead. "Yeah, I guess. But I didn't choose to willingly puke, Nicky. I'm fucking pregnant and got stupid morning sickness. I hate throwing up—it makes me feel gross and nasty. Why would I do this just to do this?"

"You suffer from an eating disorder, Lorna, it's not that far-fetched for me to assume that you'd pushed yourself to do this. You don't do this just to do this—ya think ya have to in order to keep yourself as thin as ya are. Fuck, I know you're pregnant and have morning sickness—and that makes this all the more challenging to deal with. I'm sorry, baby, that it makes me doubt you. I just—I'm concerned for your well-being. I want you to be healthy for yourself and for the baby inside ya," Nicky quickly softens her voice and tone, reaching in front of her to frame her hands lovingly around the brunette's face. She easily takes note of the hurt that lurks in her eyes and feels her heart shatter.

" _Eating disorder_? What the fuck are ya talking about? I ain't got no damn eating disorder.  _I don't_  make myself throw up, Nicky. Why do ya keep insisting that?"

Rubbing her hands rigorously around her forehead, the redhead inhales a sharp breath to keep herself in check. Her eyes look severely ahead into Lorna's. Searching. " _You do_  have an eating disorder, Lorna. You don't eat and are very malnourished. And it's all that dick— _Vinny's_ —fault;  _he's_  the one who gave you this problem, made you believe that ya had to be so thin that ya can barely survive for anyone to love you and that's nothing but nonsense. I'm not insisting anything, baby. I'm only telling ya what I've known ya to do before. And knowing that makes it hard to know if this is really just morning sickness. I love you so much, sweetheart, and I just want you to be okay. So, please be honest with me. Are you sure ya didn't force yourself to vomit?"

"I didn't do this on purpose. Please quit pestering me about it. It hurts me that ya have no faith in me."

" _My baby_ …that's not what this is at all—I do have faith in you, Lorna. I just—I need to be 100% positive that you haven't done anything to cause this. I don't want ya to hurt yourself, kid," she pleads desperately, arms wrapping snug around her waist—pulling her as close as she can have her.

Shifting uncomfortably, Lorna tries to get out of her arms but realizes she has no chance with how strong of a hold Nicky has on her. "I didn't. Let me go," she says, head shaking in a boiling anger. An anger she can't explain.

Pressing a warm kiss to her head, Nicky peers down at her in compassion. "Please don't be mad at me, baby. I would never intentionally hurt you. You know that, yeah sweetie? You know I love you and only wanna take care of you?"

The edginess in her stance and tone even shocks herself. Makes her frustrated with herself for being so harsh towards the woman who's done nothing but love her. She doesn't mean to do it—doesn't want to do it—but it just happens. The hormones, the emotions, her mental condition—they all seem to blur together, take over her mind and make her do things without even thinking.

She pushes away from Nicky and shakes her head furiously. "I don't need taken care of. I'm not a fucking kitten."

Yet, then, the awareness of her anger gets to her and she feels horrible with herself for being so cold to Nicky. She falls to the tile-floor, pulls her knees up to her chest, and slowly begins to rock back and forth. Her eyes—soaked in a fountain of tears—look up at the redhead sadly. "I'm-I'm sorry… I'm sorry, hon. I-I didn't mean to be so bitchy to ya. I love you. I-I don't deserve you, Nicky. You're too good…too sweet. I'm sorry," she cries, resting her head on top of her knee—soaking it with her tears.

Nicky without an ounce of hesitation plops herself on the floor beside her disoriented lover and scoops her onto her lap. Takes her head and lays it on her chest. "And this is why  _ya do_  need taken care of," she softly murmurs, letting her hand run softly through her messy brown hair. Lips stroke against the top of her head. "Don't apologize. You're a mess of hormones right now, Lorna, it's okay. You're having a hard time handling them and I'm not gonna hold that against you, baby. Stop that shit right now. You know damn well you deserve to be with a person like myself—someone who will never fucking hurt you. You need to be loved in the way that I love you, Lorna. That's the only thing that will help you heal. You can't fucking heal if you don't have love. But that's something you don't need to worry about because my love for you ain't going nowhere. Everything is gonna be just fine, my sweetheart. I promise. We're gonna go to the bakery and not think about this for a while. We're just gonna go have a nice morning together and maybe see Gloria—she'll cheer ya up, kid."

* * *

The ringing of the bell above the door quickly gains Red's attention from behind the counter. A smile immediately forms to see both Nicky and Lorna come walking into her bakery. She waves them over as she finishes placing fresh pastries into the counter. "What a nice surprise it is to see you two—you girls haven't come by here in a while," she says, once they're standing directly in front of her.

Nicky gives a warm smile to her mother while wrapping a protective arm around her fiancée's shoulder to keep her close. "I was craving a coffee and a morning out with my Lorna. Figured what better place to come than to ma's shop, yeah?" She chuckles, looking across at Red lovingly. The only woman in the world she could ever call her ma. This bakery—the only place she ever felt so at ease in. So homey and warm.

"Coffee? I can get that for you. And Lorna, what would you like?"

"Nothing, ma'am. Thanks," the brunette softly mumbles, eyes glancing anywhere but at either women.

_Ma'am?_  Red thinks with ponderous eyes. She stares over at Nicky, quirking an eyebrow curiously. She knows she's assured Lorna numerous times to address her as Red—something is certainly up, she sees and will get to the bottom of this.

"She's had a bit of a rough morning," Nicky tells her before averting her attention on the petite Italian beside her. She gazes softly down into her eyes, rubbing the side of her face soothingly with the palm of her hand. "Go have a seat at one of the tables, sweetie. I'll be over in a minute, yeah?"

Red grabs a mug from one of the shelves and brings it over to the freshly-made pot of coffee, pouring it in carefully. She brings it back to the counter, handing it cautiously over the register to her daughter. "What's the matter? Everything okay with the pregnancy? Did she have second thoughts about it?" The inquiries come tumbling rapidly from the Russian matron's mouth.

Shaking her head, Nicky gratefully brings the steaming cup of deeply-craved coffee to her lips for a long sip and sighs. "I'm worried about her. And I think I upset her because of that. I know she's pregnant and causes her to get nauseous…but, ma, she also said to me last night how she hates the thought of gaining weight. So, if ya woke up to hearing her vomiting in the bathroom—wouldn't it make ya think?"

"Think that she made herself do it on purpose?" Red finishes the question easily. She nods slowly, letting her eyes look over Nicky's head to the table where Lorna's situated herself. "She's upset, no doubt. But I don't think it's because of you, my Nicky. She's hurting because she's gone through a lot of shit the last couple of months. And maybe the vomiting is a mixture of the morning sickness and her physically forcing it. It's her way of coping, possibly. Your pointing that out probably didn't sit well with her, so she's stewing over that. But it won't last long. You'll get her to open up again and work through it—you're good at that, my dear."

The redhead slowly nods and feels a warm smile take form on her face. She can always count on Red to make her feel better. Yet, that's short-lived when she remembers the letter from yesterday's mail. The letter that will only continue to cause Lorna distress. "I have some shitty news I gotta tell her today, ma. It's only gonna add to the pile. I don't know how the hell to do it—the last thing I wanna do is scare her, the sweetheart. But I don't really got a choice. I just—how can I make this easier?"

Reaching across to place a hand comfortingly over her shoulder, Red sighs and peers compassionately into her daughter's brown orbs. "What's the news?"

"Vinny's in prison, finally, for what he's done to her and the trial is in two weeks. They need Lorna to testify. Ya know what that means, yeah? Lorna has to fucking be in the same room as her abuser—her fucking evil ass abuser. I don't want her going through that shit again, ma. I don't think she can handle it…especially not now, in her vulnerable state."

Squeezing her shoulder lovingly, the Russian mother inhales a deep breath of air. She nods her head slowly while staring firmly ahead into her daughter's soft eyes. "I know it's gonna be hard and painful for her. But I also know she'll be okay because she has you in her life, my Nicky. You'll be right there beside her the entire time to keep her calm. And with you there by her side, she can handle it. You just have to believe in yourself, honey," she gently assures the younger woman.


	28. Chapter 28

_Chapter Twenty-Eight_

After a refreshing morning spent at the bakery with her fiancée and mother, Nicky grudgingly drives she and her beloved brunette back home. To a place where Lorna will have to learn of her not-so-far-away fate. That she'll soon have to face Vinny again—albeit, this time her last, that much Nicky knows. She won't allow that man anywhere near her lover for as long as she lives. And will certainly not allow the court to make the same mistake twice.

With her head lying against the window, Lorna easily takes note of Nicky's displeasure. Her eyes gaze softly over at her while she reaches a hand to place gently atop one of hers. "What's got ya so down, hon? Is everything okay?" She caresses a thumb tenderly around the older woman's knuckles, her eyes not once glancing away.

"I'm fine, my baby, don't ya worry. Just wanna get home so I can hold ya is all," she puts on a warm smile, trying her hardest to cover up the anguish she's truly feeling. Wanting to prolong Lorna's optimistic attitude for as long as she can. "I love you so much, sweetie."

Lorna smiles, taking the hand she holds and bringing it up towards her lips. She presses them delicately against each one of Nicky's knuckles before laying her hand softly on her lap to stroke continuously. "I love ya too, baby." The words slip easily through her bright red lips. Words that couldn't be any truer—any more heartfelt.

A rarity for her lover to refer to her as something so innocent—hell, a rarity for anyone to refer to her as such. That's why it washes Nicky with so much warmth to hear such a soft word come from her fiancée's precious mouth. Yet, it only yanks on her heart further—knowing that as soon as they arrive back at their apartment, Lorna's world will be shattered. A grim reality.

"My sweet girl," her husky voice warmly murmurs. She moves her hand so it's on top of Lorna's and gently brings it to her lips for a tender kiss. "We'll have a fresh pot of coffee when we get home—how's that sound, pretty doll?"

Nodding fervently, Lorna smiles brightly—her cheeks blushing from the enthusiasm such thought fills her with. "Sounds real nice—I need some more coffee and you make it so good, hon. Ya put just the right amount of everything in it," she informs her through a light laugh, letting her head subconsciously rest against the rim of the car window.

Nicky can feel her heart swelling immensely with the strong love she has for her. The love that's so deep, she knows nothing can ever stop it. "You're too sweet, kid. Ya really like being all precious when I can't hold and kiss you, yeah?" A light chuckle comes out as she lets her lips brush against the soft flesh of her knuckles.

* * *

The sound of coffee perking in the pot easily brings a warm smile to Lorna's face. She takes out a carton of creamer from the fridge and grabs two packets of sugar from the jar that sits on the counter and sets it all down beside her mug. Her nose crinkles happily at the strong aroma of coffee coming through. The best smell in the world, she deems it.

A strong pair of arms envelop snugly around her waist; the smile on her face only widens at the sensation. Knowing full-well who's arms those are. The arms that never fail to protect her and show her what unconditional love is. "Coffee's almost done—don't it smell delicious, hon?" She turns around so she can gaze lovingly up into her lover's big brown orbs and brushes the tips of her fingers lightly along her cheek.

"Sure does, kid. Can't wait to have some." Nicky murmurs, her mouth hot against Lorna's ear. She rubs a hand lovingly around her forehead before pulling her to rest on her chest. "I invited Alex and Poussey over this afternoon—there's, uh, something we needa talk about, baby." She tries to keep her tone unreadable, not wanting to ruin her fiancée's rare upbeat mood too soon.

Pulling away slightly, Lorna peers fiercely up into the taller woman's eyes. Searching for a clue. A clue that, she hopes, will give way to what could possibly be the trouble. The way she so subtly mentioned their needing to talk—something about that doesn't sit well with her. It certainly can't be anything good, especially if she invited her best friend over. Yet, fortunately, she doesn't have much time to dwell on it as the last of the coffee drips into the pot. She grabs a hold of its handle and brings to pour into the two cups that sit on the counter right beside it.

With two steaming full cups, she hands one to Nicky and walks into the living room with her own—sitting herself down on the couch. A content sigh comes up through her throat as she brings the mug to her lips for a much-desired sip. "Hmm, that coffee really hits the spot," the only words that she can manage to speak. Not too keen on the idea of inquiring about what needs to be discussed. Knowing that it's probably nothing good—when is it ever anything good? She inwardly rolls her eyes at the dreary thought.

"It's pretty strong, kid. How much ground coffee ya put in there, huh?" Nicky teasingly questions, a warm smirk sitting on her face. Albeit her comment, she sips resolutely over her hot beverage. Savoring its rich and bold flavor. A flavor she craves each day.

Drinking heavily from her own mug, Lorna laughs lightly and shrugs. "I don't know—was not paying attention to how many scoops I put it in. At least three…maybe four. I like my coffee strong and isn't that what you prefer too?"

"How can your coffee be strong when ya put all that sugar and cream in it, doll? Probably tastes more like a desert than a bold cuppa coffee. Course' I do—that's how I get through work is with my extra strong cups of plain coffee."

Before she has the chance to respond, the sound of the kitchen door's opening interrupts the conversation. Both sets of eyes avert towards it, watching closely as Alex and Poussey enter through to the living room—placing their jackets and purses on the table on their way. A warm smile takes up form on Lorna's face to see her best friend. It makes her heart feel full to know that she found her person—someone who makes her glow with happiness, she couldn't ask for anything better for a friend she holds near and dear to her heart.

"Ya two want some coffee? I can make another pot—since Nicky, over here, didn't mention you were coming over until after I'd already made the coffee," the petite brunette speaks up once the two are situated on the loveseat, giving a playful tap over Nicky's mess of curls.

Alex and Poussey share a look before responding with a shake of their heads.

"Ya don't gotta trouble yourself—we had a couple cups this morning anyway so it's nothin' to worry about," Poussey tells her, a kind smile on her face as she places a hand on her girlfriend's thigh. She looks over at Lorna with wondering inquisitiveness. "How's the pregnancy?"

Tilting her head slightly, in the spot beside her, Alex gives a stern glance to her girlfriend. Pondering over why she would let a question like that slip out of her mouth—why she's chosen that topic to focus the conversation on…one she isn't sure Lorna wants to discuss.

Yet, to her surprise, a smile spreads on Lorna's face at the inquiry. She places her hands subsequently on her slowly forming bump, the only thing that reminds her of the presence of the being growing inside her. "The morning sickness sucks. But it's going good, I guess. I'm just real lucky I have Nicky here with me…she's a lotta help. Keeps me from losing my mind—literally," a tiny laugh escapes her at the remark.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, Nicky pulls her closer and brushes a soft kiss over her head. Her finger caress soothingly through her dark brown waves of hair. "You're not losing your mind, doll—it's normal to feel out of sorts when you're pregnant. Ya know I'll always be here for you, Lorna. I mean ya know we are engaged…so ya should know that you're stuck with me—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…hold on a minute," Alex interjects, her blue orbs widely staring between her two friends. " _Engaged?_   _You two are engaged_  and Lorna, ya didn't think to mention such to me? What the hell? This is big news that best friends are supposed to share with each other, kid. Jesus. I mean congratulations, of course, but ya shoulda told me like the day this happened!"

"Don't blame Lorna—it was kinda spur of the moment thing. She's been a bit preoccupied with other things, anyway, to remember to tell anyone about our engagement. Seriously, the only ones who know are ma and Gloria and that's just because it happened in ma's house," Nicky chimes in, arm wrapped protectively around her lover's waist.

Caressing her thumb over her girlfriend's pale knuckles, Poussey smiles brightly while peering between the two other women. Intrigued to hear about the event of their proposal. Oh, how she loves a good proposal story. "Well, come on, at least tell us the story. How'd it happen…and more importantly _, who_  proposed?"

A smile glows on Lorna's face at the inquiry. She rests her head nonchalantly on Nicky's shoulder, letting her hands brush lightly through her long thick curls. "Nicky did—it was in Red's bathroom after I had a stupid mental breakdown. What a proposal, huh? Not the most romantic thing ever…but still the best moment of my life," a laugh tumbles through the words. Never in a million years did Lorna think that's how she'd be proposed to—and from another woman at that. However, that's exactly what happened and she couldn't be any happier with it if she tried.

"Still makes for a real nice story—very sentimental and it's so obvious how much love the both a ya have for each other. I'm happy for the two of ya—one of the best couples around…well, besides Alex and I, of course." Poussey winks friskily at them while throwing a loving arm around her own girlfriend beside her.

To see Lorna—her best friend of decades—this happy, it melts Alex's heart tremendously. It's been years since she's seen her smile in a way that radiates through the room as she is at this very moment. Yet, she knows this isn't going to last much longer. Not with the terrible news they have to share with her about the upcoming trial. Nope, that will surely kill the light-hearted mood. In a mere seconds the room will go from laughter and excitement to trying to console a fearful Lorna. And that makes her blood boil. How Vinny always finds some way to hurt her best friend…even in a damn prison cell, she scoffs.

"The ironic thing of this whole engagement is that you two have only known each other a half a year, maybe, while P and I have been in a steady relationship for around a year now and still haven't pondered the thought of getting married. Guess that really does show what you two have is a deep, real, love. I'm glad to see Lorna's found a person like you, Nicky. Someone who knows how the hell to love unconditionally."

Arching an eyebrow up at her dark-haired lover, Poussey folds her arms defensively over her chest. "Hey, ya tryna say what we have is fake or somethin'?"

"No, of course not," she softly assures, cupping a hand lovingly around her face and pressing a delicate kiss to her lips. "I love you very much, P. I was just saying how it's very clear that what they have between them is like the same love we have for each other. I didn't mean to imply anything else."

Bobbing her head gently up and down against Nicky's shoulder, the smile on Lorna's face only grows bigger. It warms her heart to see that both she and her best friend have found their respective soul-mates. That the both of them will live the rest of their lives with a person that puts a glowing beam on their faces. She sighs, content with her current life. How everything seems to be going in a positive direction.

Pulling her closer, Nicky brushes her lips delicately over her forehead and sighs—a disheartening breath of air. She loathes that the real reason the two other women have come by is not to share in the news of engagement but rather to help her explain to the woman she would walk on glass for that she has to go to her abusive ex's hearing in a short couple of weeks.

She cups Lorna's face in her hands and gazes softly into her eyes. Letting her fingers stroke against the soft flesh around them. "Ya know how I told ya they were coming over here because we had something we needa talk about, yeah?"

"Mhmm," the brunette nods slowly, the smile not once moving from her porcelain cheeks. She reaches a hand up to touch gently over her lover's face. "I'm assuming it was so we could tell them about the proposal and everything, huh? Or is there something else?"

Dropping another tender kiss to her head, the older woman feels another breath of air slip from her mouth. This is proving to be much more challenging than she originally expected. The last thing in the world she wants to do is ruin her fiancée's rare cheery demeanor. Yet, that's exactly what will happen when she informs her of the hearing. Any optimistic vibes will rapidly dissipate.

"There, uh, there is something else we need to discuss. Something that I really, really hate having to tell you, my sweet baby. Hence why I called your best friend to come over…to make it a little easier to tell you—so you're surrounded by people who love you when ya hear this," her husky voice murmurs against the brim of Lorna's ear. She curls her brown waves softly behind it, a gesture to calm the both of them.

Eyebrows arched worriedly, the petite Italian peers intensely ahead into her eyes. "That doesn't sound good. What-what exactly do we have to talk about? Are you okay, Nicky? You're not…you're not dying, are ya? I don't like your tone…it makes me think I'm losing you or something," the words fumble out of her in a shaky voice. She grips tighter on the taller woman, looking desperately at her. Needing an explanation. A reassurance that nothing's going on with the woman she loves.

"Aw, no, sweetie, that's not at all what I have to tell ya," Nicky soothes, taking Lorna's face into her hands and laying it softly on her chest—hugging it tenderly to her. Pressing soft, warm, kisses all over the back of her head. She glances across the room at her two former housemates—her face desperate for help. Help on how the hell to explain to her angelic lover that she's being forced to face her abuser once more.

She inhales a deep breath, focusing her orbs back on the tiny Italian in her arms. "The other day I brought the mail in and, uh, found a letter for you. A letter from the courthouse."

"A letter from the courthouse? About what, hon? How come ya didn't give it to me? Is that what you were hiding from me yesterday?" Lorna tilts her head so that her eyes pour into Nicky's.

"I didn't give it to ya because I rather you have me and your best friend here with ya when you hear the news."

Swallowing hard, Lorna slightly pulls away from the other in order to face her properly. "The news about what? Why would I get a letter from the courthouse?" All color drains from her face as she quickly realizes the nature of it. The courthouse. Her hands become clammy with sweat—that can only mean one thing, she thinks,  _Vinny_.

Resting a comforting hand on her delicate cheek, Nicky searches her eyes heatedly. She slowly moves her face closer and lets her forehead gently rest over the brunette's. The palm of her hand caresses lightly along her porcelain flesh. "Vinny's in prison and his trial is in two weeks. They need ya there to testify, baby, so they can make sure to put him away for the rest of his life. I know the last thing ya want—need—is to be in a room with that monster but I'll be right beside you, Lorna. I'll protect you and keep ya safe, I promise. It's gonna be okay, doll," she assures her, breath warm over Lorna's lips.

Her head shakes fiercely. "No," she whispers, eyes wide with terror at the mere thought. How she despises the idea of being anywhere near that man again. The man who took years of her life away—spent so long washing her brain with his vile abuse. "No," her voice shakes in horror. " _No, Nicky, no_. Ya can't make me go to that. I can't do it. I can't see him again. He-he  _hurt_  me."

"I know, sweetheart,  _I know_  he hurt you," Nicky whispers tenderly, her eyes gazing compassionately into her fiancée's. She strokes her lips soothingly over the brunette's—desperately hoping it soothes her somewhat. "I know you're scared and don't wanna see him again—believe me, baby, I don't like the idea of you being anywhere near him either—but this is only to help get him locked up for good. So he doesn't have the chance to ever hurt you or anyone else ever again. And you'll have me there to take care of you. I won't let him touch you, baby, I swear. I'll be right by your side the entire time. You don't have to worry about anything, pretty doll."

Immediately, Alex gets up and moves to sit on the other couch where her distressed best friend is. Gently grabbing her hand and cupping it softly in her own. She stares down at her with a searing intensity. "Don't be scared, Lorn, we're all gonna be there with ya. There's no way in hell that piece of shit is gonna have the chance to hurt ya again. You have two very strong friends and one very strong fiancée to keep ya safe. He doesn't stand a chance, ya got that?"

Lorna only shakes her head fervently. She pulls away from Nicky and lets her body sink uneasily against the cushion of the couch; she begins to rock back and forth rhythmically. The one sensation that helps to keep her together. Or, at least, that's what she tells herself.

"No," she whispers, tears lining her dark brown orbs. Her body rocks faster; she rests her head over her knees and sniffles. "Vinny hurt me. He  _hurt_  me. Like-like my nonno hurt me," her voice barely audible.

"Vinny hurt you like your  _nonno?_ " The oldest of the four women puzzlingly repeats her friend's words in an inquiry. She squints her eyes in a muddle, staring directly ahead into Lorna's watery ones. "What does that mean, baby? Is there something ya didn't tell me?" The tips of her fingers stroke soothingly around her friend's pale hand; eyes continuing to gaze concerningly.

Shaking her head violently, Lorna hides herself further into her fiancée's arms. She can't bring herself to say anything. The pain is too raw—too fresh to bring up. "No," the word mumbles from her mouth, muffled by the fabric of Nicky's thick sweatshirt. Her eyes squeeze shut in an attempt to stop her from dwelling on the horrific memory. The horrific memory she wishes hadn't slipped out of her.

"It's okay, doll," Nicky murmurs, wrapping her arms snugger around Lorna's waist—pulling her as close as she can physically have her. "You're safe; you can tell her what happened, baby. I promise nothing's gonna happen if ya tell her…don't be afraid," she warmly assures her lover, resting her chin softly atop her head. Loathing that this terrible kidnapping has brought forth so much hurt—has made the woman she loves revert back to a painful childhood.

Gulping unnervingly, Alex stares apprehensively between her two friends. Wondering what on Earth her best friend is hiding from her. The best friend she's had since middle school—who she  _thought_  told her everything. "Lorna, ya never talked to me about your nonno before.  _Never_ mentioned anything about him. Why would ya keep something like whatever this is from me? You're my best friend…god,  _you never_  have to be afraid to tell me  _anything_ , kid. Please talk to me—I need to know," her raspy voice pleads urgently.

Holding the trembling brunette tightly in her arms, Nicky turns to focus her eyes on the concerned and inquisitive Alex that sits beside them with a strong compassion seeping through. She knows this is something Lorna doesn't want for anyone to hear of but it's not something that can be kept secret from her best friend any longer. Not when she let the words slip from her mouth.

"She didn't purposefully keep this from ya, Alex. She didn't even remember it until a few weeks ago—the ordeal with Vinny is what triggered her to remember, I think. Obviously, he did something that reminded her of the abuse of her nonno. Please don't push her to talk about it—that's not gonna do her any good right now. I understand she's your best friend and ya wanna know what happened but  _you_ have to understand that talking about this is only going to cause her more hurt. She was just a baby—pretty much—when the man who's supposed to keep her safe did some real evil things to her."

"What the fuck? When she was a  _baby_?" Rage begins to manifest inside of her at the pure thought. Her hands ball into fists in her lap; she grits her teeth harshly to stop herself from screaming out.

Running her hands comfortingly through the dark waves that make-up Lorna's head, the redhead expels a large breath of air. "By a baby, I mean she was only four-years-old. Which, in reality, compared to her nonno  _is_  a baby. Now, that's all I'm gonna say on the matter. When and if Lorna's ready to share this with you, she will. But you need to be patient. It takes a lot in her to bring that up and right now, with the damn hearing coming, that's the last thing she needs to worry about."

Poussey shakes her head sadly at what's being implied. Imagining a grown man— _person_ —doing what Vinny's done to a four-year-old  _child_  is enough to make anyone sick to their stomach, she internalizes. She flinches slightly at the thought and pushes herself up from her spot. She makes her way over to her girlfriend, sitting beside her and placing a comforting hand on her back—easily noticing her rage.

"She's right, Al, let's not pester Lorna about this.  _Look at her_ —poor girl's already so shaken up over it, she doesn't need to relive whatever happened."

"I know, I know. But god I just—why?  _What the fuck_  is wrong with this damn planet? Who the fuck hurts a little girl like that? Especially his own granddaughter?  _What the fucking hell_?" The words tear fiercely from Alex's larynx—grinding heavily in an ever boiling fury. Can her best friend  _ever_  catch a goddamn break? The heartrending inquiry bores through her mind.

Finally regaining her composure, Lorna breaks herself from Nicky's arms and stands up. Tears stain her porcelain cheeks as she peers uneasily at her friend. She shakes her head timidly and whispers, "I'm sorry, Al. I can't tell you—it's too much." She starts backing away towards the archway. Eyes tremor in their sockets as she stares between the three women. "I, uh, I'm gonna go shower. I need to be alone for a while."

Looking over at her with an overpowering concern, Nicky holds up her hand to stop her momentarily. "Are ya sure that's a good idea right now, doll?"

Lorna nods profusely, eyebrows arched. "It's the best idea right now, hon. I just—I need to be by myself. I'm not gonna do nothin' but shower; please have some faith in me for once. I mean we are gonna be wives soon, ya gotta trust me."

"I know, my love, I do. It's just hard to not think ya might try something—I mean after what ya just been told. But if ya insist you'll be fine, go on and have your shower. If ya need anything, just holler. I love you, baby."

"I love ya too, hon." Giving a small—broken—smile, Lorna nods and leaves the room in leu of the bathroom.

Messing mindlessly about with her hands, Nicky sighs and averts her attention to the two guests. Eyes stare gratefully at the pair of them—thankful beyond words that they were here to help her inform her lover of the hearing. "Thank you both for being here. I don't think it would have gone as well if I'd told her on my own. She needs to be surrounded by people who will always support and love her. I don't know how the  _fuck_ she's gonna handle being in the same room as that vile creature. I really fucking don't. He's broken her mind even further—her already broken mind was cracked even more thanks to that asshole," she growls with venom. Just talking about that man makes her rage bubble up.

"The reason she'll handle it is because all of us will be there to help and support her.  _You will_  help her handle all of this, Nicky—the love ya have for her is what will get her through the trial. That Vinny can't do a thing to break the bond you two have," Poussey informs her, her arm wrapped comfortingly around her girlfriend's back as she looks firmly ahead at Nicky.

Smiling through her drying up tears, Alex rests her head on the slightly shorter woman's shoulder and brushes her lips delicately to her cheek. "Words of wisdom my Peanut speaks. The only rationale person in this room right now," a small chuckle rumbles from her throat.

"Your  _peanut_?" Nicky can't help but burst out in laughter. "That's an interesting term of endearment, Vause." Her big brown orbs turn to stare at Poussey, eyebrows arched in wonder. "So, what do ya refer to her as, Poussey?"

"Ya don't got no room to talk, Nichols," she answers with a light-hearted smirk. Pulling Alex closer and giving a soft kiss to her head. "We hear all the little names you call Lorna, so ya ain't got no business making fun of our pet-names."

Rolling her eyes, the redhead waves her hand in the air. "Yeah, yeah—just tell me what ya call Alex. I'm dying to know."

"I bet ya are," Poussey winks friskily, laughing lightly. "Are ya sure ya wanna know?" She watches as the other nods her head profusely and lets the smirk on her face only widen. "I call her my apple—because she's the apple of my eye."

"Oh, dear God—you two are so damn cheesy," Nicky shakes her heard with a chuckle. "But in a cute way. God, if Lorna knew this—she'd have a damn romance breakdown.  _She lives_ for this cheesy shit."

* * *

Hours later, after a refreshing and thoughtful shower, Lorna hovers in the kitchen—searching the many cabinets for a bag of pasta and a pot to cook it in. She smiles when she finally finds both and happily places them on the marble counter. The pot she carries over to the sink to quickly fill with hot water before placing it onto the stove. Cooking is something she highly fonds over. Something she remembers doing with her mother in middle school—the days of watching her make homemade sauce and spaghetti always brought a warmth over her. She lived for those heartwarming memories.

"Hey, doll-face, what're ya up to in here?"

The unexpected company comes a surprise to Lorna. She jumps a foot in the air at her fiancée's warm voice. Quickly, she grabs a bottle of salt and pours some into the hot water. "I'm cooking, hon—what's it look like?" Her attention turns to the redhead who stands gently behind her, eyes looking curiously over her shoulder into the pot.

Nicky nods and chuckles. "I see that, baby. I've never seen ya cook before. I guess the pregnancy is starting to make ya crave food, yeah? What're ya planning to make?"

"I was thinking maybe we could invite Red and Gloria over for dinner—a way to pay them back for the dinner they made us. Ya think they'd wanna come?"

Placing her hands on each of Lorna's hips, Nicky lets her chin rest on her shoulder. Her cheek nuzzles warmly against her lover's. "That's a sweet idea, kid. Of course they'll wanna come—who would ever pass up a home-made meal? Ya miss Gloria, don't ya? Sad that she was not at the bakery yesterday, were ya?"

Searching the drawers for a wooden spoon, Lorna nods nonchalantly. She grabs it and sets it on the counter beside the box of store-bought spaghetti noodles. "She just reminds me of my mom a little bit. And I like that about her. She also knows what it's like to deal with all this abuse and court-hearings. Maybe she can give me some advice on how the hell I'm supposed to handle looking at Vinny again, ya know? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I wanna have a nice relaxing time cooking but now I feel angry," her voice loud and shaky; she sucks in a deep breath of air to try to regain her composure. She doesn't want to to ruin her favorite hobby with that man's name.

"Don't you dare apologize," Nicky sternly starts off, fully encircling the petite woman in her strong arms. She rests their foreheads lovingly together and strokes the tips of her fingers lightly around the outline of her face. "Of course, baby, she can give ya advice on that. I'll call ma and ask them to come for dinner. I think that's a perfect idea. I'm glad ya see Gloria as a mother-figure; she's a great person just like Red. Hmm, guess that's why they make a perfect couple, yeah?"

The anger slowly sizzles away. Lorna smiles and nods. "Yeah, I'm sure it is. They really are perfect together."

" _Like us_ ," Nicky hums, framing her hands around each of her cheeks and smothering her lips in a passionate kiss. "Now, sweetheart, please enlighten me on what the hell you're cooking for tonight's gourmet meal."

"Oh, just some pasta with my mom's special sauce recipe. Which reminds me, do ya happen to have any cans of crushed tomatoes handy?"

Nicky snickers and gently releases her hold on Lorna to retrieve two cans of exactly that. She hands them to her and smirks lovingly, "I may not be Italian but I still enjoy some pasta every now and then. God, I can't wait to try your cooking. Honestly, I think it's both hot and adorable to see you fumbling around in here trying to pull together a fancy little meal."

Bringing the can to a can-opener that sits in the corner of the kitchen, Lorna turns while the machine does its task and gives a frisky smirk of her own in return. "I spent lots of time cooking with my mom when I was younger and we make a damn mean tomato sauce. Just ya wait, hon. Your taste-buds will be singing for hours after they get a taste of it," she assures her.

"I love the sound of that. Can't wait to see what ya make, sweet doll."

* * *

It's just past six that evening when Lorna's finishing setting the dining room table and the door opens to reveal their guests. A warm smile takes shape on her face at the sight of their crinkling their noses in the delightful aroma of Italian cooking. She walks into the kitchen to grab the pot of steaming spaghetti but Nicky beats her to it. Instead, she walks over to Gloria and Red to take their coats—hanging them on the rack that sits adjacent to the table.

"Smells like a restaurant in here," Gloria comments, following the short brunette in the dining room. "It was real nice of the two of you girls to have us over for dinner. Musta been slaving over that stove for quite a while, yeah?" She questions while taking a seat beside her Russian partner. Eyes look curiously around the room, taking interest in her new surroundings. "Beautiful apartment this is."

Nicky smiles kindly, plopping herself in the chair beside Lorna. She grabs her hand under the table and squeezes it lovingly in her own. "Oh, this was all Lorna's idea. She thought it'd be nice to have ya guys over since ya cooked for us before. She sure did slave over that stove and I watched her. Wouldn't even let me taste the sauce," she informs them, a playful pout on her face as she turns to look at Lorna.

Grabbing her glass of water, Red shakes her head with a light chuckle at her daughter's honesty. "Why doesn't that surprise me? You never were good in the kitchen—couldn't even make toast without burning it," she states, looking over at Nicky with a facetious grin. "Next time put her ass to work, Lorna. Did she at least set the table?"

"Oh, ya know Nicky—she's just being her humble self. She did put the salad together  _and_  carried all the food in. She was a great help…she always is," Lorna beams a smile, eyes twinkling as they gaze beside her into her fiancée's.

Nicky shakes her head and throws an arm around her shoulder. "Yeah, like I'd let you carry those heavy dishes and shit in here when you're pregnant. It's just the considerate thing to do, doll."

Putting a scoop of the fresh salad onto her plate, Gloria looks it over intently. She nods her approval and focuses her eyes on the redhead who sits across from her. "Ya did a good job. Looks delicious. The two of ya make a good pair—and team," the words come out of her mouth before she takes a small bite of the cold mixture of lettuce and veggies.

"So, how are my two girls doing?" Red inquiries, raising her eyebrows at Nicky—silently wondering whether she's told Lorna about the trial or not.

Swallowing thickly, Nicky shrugs and pulls Lorna closer. "Well, the afternoon was a little rough. But, uh, obviously that's turned around. She comes outta the shower and apparently that inspired her to cook this little meal. Who knew?"

"Rough afternoon? Why's that?  _Oh_ , is the morning sickness starting to get to ya, sweetie?" Gloria wonders while gazing intently ahead at the petite brunette.

Nicky looks at her lover with arched eyebrows. She grabs her hand and holds it softly on her lap, stroking its flesh over and over.

Staring back, Lorna sighs. She shrugs her shoulders.

"Not really," she begins, letting her eyes focus on the minimal food sitting on her plate. She takes the fork from her napkin and uses it to aimlessly move the food around with. "I found out that I, uh, I have to go to Vinny's hearing to testify in a couple weeks."

Nodding knowingly, Gloria reaches across the table to place her hand comfortingly over Lorna's. Her light-brown eyes gaze compassionately into hers. "It's a hard thing to go through, I know. You're scared and confused and hurting but I promise once this is over, everything will start to get better. Ya know why, sweetie? Because your abuser is gonna be locked-up where he belongs. He will never be able to hurt you again. The worst part is having to see him again—but just remember  _you're not alone_. You have all of us to support you and help ya through this."

Timidly lifting her head, Lorna peers across at the Hispanic woman with inquisitive eyes. "Would-would ya come to the hearing? I mean if-if ya aren't working, of course. I—ya just remind me of my mom so much and it's really comforting. And you're the only one  _who truly_  understands what I'm going through, the only person who understands how terrified I am of being in that room with him."

"Oh, Lorna—sweetie,  _of course_  I'll be there. Ya don't even gotta ask me," the older woman gently answers, standing up from her seat and walking over to Lorna. She softly grabs her from the chair and scoops her up in a motherly embrace, letting her hands comb soothingly through dark waves. "It's okay to be a little terrified of going—it's  _normal_  to. Believe me when I had to go through this with Arturo, I felt the same way you do. Scared, worried, had knots in my stomach for weeks. But you'll get through it because ya have so many people who love and care about you.  _So many people_  who want ya to get the justice you deserve, sweet angel. And you will—there's no way in hell that man's gonna get away with what he's put you through. Absolutely no way."


	29. Chapter 29

_Chapter Twenty-Nine_

"Gloria and I will  _both_  be there to support you at the hearing, Lorna. Don't you worry." Red firmly assures, giving a warm smile towards both her daughter and Lorna. She twirls her fork around the pasta before bringing it up to her mouth for a heavily desired taste. "That's the best spaghetti I've ever had—you didn't tell us you were also a chef."

Nicky gives a playful smirk to her fiancée, snaking an arm lovingly around her shoulder. "She hides her talents from us—keeping them all to herself, ain't that right kid?" A warm kiss she drops to the side of her face. Seeing Lorna's cheeks blush a bright pink, she can't help but smile in delight. It warms her heart to subtly embarrass the woman she loves with compliments.

"It's my mom's recipe," the brunette replies with a small shrug, focusing her orbs on the plate that sits in front of her. The corners of her mouth slowly curve into a small smile. One that Nicky believes makes her face glow angelically. "Thanks. I haven't cooked nothin' since I was in high school."

Brushing her fingers delicately along her arms, Nicky only smiles softly down at the woman who, she knows, completes her. The woman she would walk on a burning fire for. Her heart warms to hear of Lorna's fonder memories. Makes her pleased to know that her past wasn't always hard. "Well that just means ya really have a knack for cooking, my sweet doll."

Lorna hides her face slightly in her fiancée's shoulder, her cheeks flushed a bright pink at the kind comment. The comment that makes her entire body fill with warmth. Makes her cherish and appreciate the other woman more than anything else in the entire world, she easily realizes. No one has shown her more love and kindness than Nicky has. No one has ever put her first like she does. And that's something Lorna could never take for granted. Something she will use as motivation to get past this dreaded hearing. She has to keep the fear and terror to herself. The least she can do for her lover.

"Wish my boys would take as much pleasure in cooking with me as you did with your mom. I can't even get em' to stay in the kitchen long enough to help make a piece a toast in the morning…let alone have them help make a full-course meal," Gloria chimes in with a light laugh. Yet, she knows how true those words are. It'd be a dream to spend time in the kitchen with her sons. To use that time to instill them with her own values that her mama instilled with her.

"Cooking with my mom was my favorite thing growing up. I wish I still had that chance. Tell your boys they better start taking an interest—never know when that luxury could get wiped away."

The very faint sorrow that seeps through her tone doesn't go unnoticed by Nicky. A pang lurks heavily in her chest to know how much her lover misses her mother. She sighs quietly, throwing her arm lovingly around her shoulder and dropping a tender kiss atop her head.

Eyebrows arching curiously, Red reaches for her cup of tea and brings it to her lips for a small sip. "I don't mean to sound insensitive by asking…but, uh, did your mother pass away?"

Moving her fork aimlessly around her plate of pasta, the brunette only tilts her head with a faint frown. Talking about her mother isn't always the easiest thing in the world. "Don't worry bout' it," she quietly starts off, eyes focusing on her food. "She's alive…but my dad threw her away in a mental hospital. Said she got some kinda mental illness but I don't remember my mom ever acting like anything other than my mom. Haven't seen her since I was in high school."

"Oh, honey," the Hispanic woman murmurs while reaching over the table to cover Lorna's hand soothingly in her own. "We're so sorry to hear that. Must be hard not having your mother nearby—you were really close with her, is that right?"

Lorna slowly nods. "She and my brother were my best friends. It's very hard without them but I know at least one of them is at peace. And maybe some day I'll find out where my mom is so I can go see her."

"We can take a drive to the facility whenever ya wanna see her, Lorn. Find out where it is and we'll go," Nicky suggests with a loving smile. She lets a hand brush lightly through her dark waves.

Such tender words touch Lorna's heart more than she could ever have imagined. She subconsciously lets her head lean against her fiancée's shoulder and reaches a hand up to lay delicately onto her cheek. "Thanks, hon. Real sweet a ya to make such an offer," she softly tells her, brushing her hand lightly along her face. In a soft whisper she adds, "I love ya, hon."

Nicky smiles, holding an arm protectively around her waist. "Course' doll—anything to make ya happy. I love you too, so much."

Sipping her ice water, Gloria throws up her hands and nods her head intuitively. "See— _that's_  how you'll get through everything, Lorna. You have Nicky. Someone who loves ya more than life itself, it sounds like. That's the most beautiful thing in the world. It's beyond obvious how much she loves you and that's exactly what you deserve. To be cherished the way ya are with Nicky."

* * *

The closer the hearing date comes; the less stable Lorna feels. Overpowering headaches become an often occurrence—making her worry that her illness is starting to rear its face for a second time. Not that she can really blame it. The idea of having to face her former abuser once again makes everything in her ache. She longs to hide away—knows she might just possibly give in to the headache if she has the chance. And that almost terrifies her as much as attending the trial.

Waking each morning gradually turns into a chore for her. For she knows that only means she's one day closer to that dreaded event. That dreaded day. Such a regression certainly doesn't go unnoticed by Nicky, who plops herself in the bed beside her brunette lover each morning to gently awaken her. This morning is no different as she finds herself doing the exact same thing. Hovering gently over her lover's petite sleeping form.

"Hey," she murmurs, poking softly at her porcelain cheeks. "Wake up, my pretty angel-face." Her lips brush warmly over Lorna's ear, moving slowly towards her mouth where she plants a compassionate kiss. "Come on, Lorna baby, wake up. I've got fresh coffee brewing—better get up before it gets cold, yeah?"

"Mmmm," Lorna grumbles in her sleep, quickly hiding her face in Nicky's nearing chest.

Snaking her arms strongly around her waist, a soft smile spreads its away across the redhead's face. She carefully frames her hands around Lorna's face and holds it directly in front of her own. "Aw, come on—I know you're awake, doll. Open your pretty eyes for me," Nicky tenderly pleads, stroking the tips of her fingers softly along the outline of her face.

"But do we have to get outta bed, hon? It's so comfortable just lying here with you," the younger woman points out, though her words are slightly muffled by the fabric of Nicky's clothing.

"I wish we could spend the whole day cuddling in bed together, kid—"

"So, why don't we?"

" _Because_ ," Nicky hums, curling a strand of Lorna's hair delicately behind her ear. "You have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. For the pregnancy. Don't ya remember, doll?"

Rubbing her temples, a sigh pushes its way up through her windpipe. She nods slowly, forcing herself to sit up and stare blankly ahead at the door. Not wanting to leave the comfort of her bed so soon. The one place she feels safe from the troubles of her life. "Oh," she whispers, looking down at her growing bump. "I guess I forgot about that. Are ya coming with me? I mean ya don't have to but I wouldn't mind if ya did."

"Of course I'm coming with ya, sweetie. I told ya I'd support ya no matter what, did I not?" Nicky gives a firm look, sitting up right beside her. She grabs a hold of one of her hands and strokes it delicately with her fingers.

Leaning her head on the shoulder of her lover, Lorna can't stop the smile that forms. "Thank you, hon. For everything. I really don't know what the hell I'd do without an angel like you in my life. I love ya so damn much, Nicky." She openly informs her, brushing her cheek lovingly against Nicky's.

Dropping a soft kiss to her head, Nicky shakes her own with a light chuckle. "Everything I do for ya is because I love you and want to see ya get better. I'd do anything for ya, Lorn. You're the love of my life. Please know you'll never ever have to find out what it's like without me, yeah? I will always— _always_ —be here, my sweetheart."

"I don't know how I got so lucky to have ya in my life, Nicky, but I'll cherish ya forever. I mean it."

"Nah, doll, I'm the lucky one," Nicky shakes her head, pecking a soft kiss over Lorna's porcelain cheek. She places a hand on it and smiles lovingly at her. "Ya ready to get up now, my baby? Don't wanna be late, do ya?"

* * *

The waiting room leaves Lorna feeling anxious and uneasy. Waiting to see the doctor—to hear about what's growing inside her—makes her heart pound heavily in her chest. She places a hand over her stomach to gently rub against the small bump. The bump that contains her baby.  _Vinny's_  baby. She shakes her head to rid herself of that thought. Sure, he may have forced his sperm inside her body… _but_  that  _doesn't_  make him a  _real_ father to her baby. Oh, no. No way would she ever allow that man into her baby's life.

The silence causes a bout of concern to overcome Nicky—who sits in the chair right next to her brunette fiancée. She loosely covers her hand over Lorna's, brushing her fingers over pale knuckles. "Hey, it's gonna all work out. Don't ya worry, kid."

Lorna gives a faint smile in return. She longs to believe those words. Would give anything to believe that they're true. Yet, deep down, she knows nothing ever seems to go well when she's involved. Something always gets in her way of real happiness. Things seem to finally be getting better now…however, there's only a matter of time before that changes. It disgusts her the pessimistic human she's turned into over the last few years—yet, she also understands she can't control her thinking. Not after all that she's endured.

"I hope so. I really do."

Throwing an arm warmly around her shoulders, Nicky pulls her to lay softly against her chest. A gentle kiss she drops to her head. "I know so. We'll get through this together, doll-face. You're  _not_  alone," she whispers reassuringly into her ear while rubbing one of her hands soothingly up and down her back.

Not before long, the door opens and out walks a nurse with a clipboard. She pushes her glasses closer to her eyes to read the name off the chart. "Lorna Morello?" Her face scrunches as she looks around the tiny waiting area for whom such name belongs to. When she sees a pair of women stand up, she motions for them to follow behind her. "This way, please."

Once in the examination room, the nurse gestures for Lorna to have a seat on the table.

"The doctor will be in shortly," she says, placing the chart on the counter before leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind her.

Swallowing thickly, Lorna takes a look around the room—seeing all the pregnancy posters and pamphlets that clutter the walls. It churns her stomach to be reminded of why she's here. Why she's growing into a bloated watermelon. A long sigh escapes her. Life will never be the same, she gradually realizes. Not with this baby lurking in her womb.

"Overwhelming, huh kid? Jesus—ya think they could cram anymore shit on these walls?" Nicky quirks an eyebrow, moving her head as she stares at the 'décor'.

The light-hearted comment easily gets a small laugh from the apprehensive brunette. "A little too much."

Tilting her head slightly, Nicky's eyes soften while gazing ahead at her lover. She delicately covers her hand over hers. "I'm right here, baby. Everything is gonna be just fine."

"Thanks, hon." Lorna half-smiles, her hands fidgeting unnervingly in her lap.

Before any other words can be exchanged between the fiancées, the creaking open of the door catches their attention. A short-black-haired, slightly heavyset, woman enters and makes her way to the wheelie-chair in front of the counter to sit down. Her eyes widen in surprise when they land on a familiar redhead.

"Holy shit—Nicky Nichols, is that you?"

For a moment, Nicky's immediately plagued with a long bout of laughter to see her old smoking buddy from high school. The mere fact that she actually went to school to become a doctor is enough to take her voice away. She never imagined she'd really go through with such a commitment. "Jesus Christ," she finally says, "Ya actually got through medical school? I never woulda thought…and a Gynecologist at that? Interesting choice, Boo."

" _What?_  This is the perfect career for me, Nichols." She wheels her chair right beside Nicky and leans over to whisper in her ear, "I get paid to look at hot chicks' vaginas. It's any lesbian's dream job."

Nicky shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "You're fucked up, Boo. And it sure ain't my dream job."

"Oh, come on,  _we're all_  fucked up."

Moving herself back to the desk, she glances at her patient's chart for a few moments. Nodding to herself, Boo lets her chair glide across the room until she's sitting in front of the petite brunette. She does her best to place a sincere smile on her face. "Hey, Miss Morello; I'm Doctor Black. Your friend Nicky and I go way back. I'm a bit shocked that she impregnated you," the joking remark easily slips out of her mouth before she even lets it process through her mind.

The comment doesn't go over well with either women. Lorna feels her hands become clammy and cold. She turns her head to look at the redhead—who's smirk morphs into a displeased frown. She switches their hand position, placing her own over Nicky's and caressing it slowly.

"Watch what ya say to her," Nicky bitterly informs the doctor.

"Whoa, Nichols, it was just a joke. Didn't mean anything by it. Don't get your panties in a knot."

Folding her arms defensively over her chest, the redhead gives a sharp stare towards her. "Look, you can joke around with me all ya want. But not my fiancée. You be careful how ya phrase your words around her, ya hear me? Now, please, let's get this damn appointment over with."

Boo quickly nods and lets her expression change to a more serious one. "Understood. And congratulations—everyone would be shocked to know that you've finally found a woman to settle with. Damn, Nichols…that's a shocker for sure," she remarks, throwing her a genuine smile.

"Anyway, moving on to the exam," she looks over at the patient, whom sits uncomfortably on the examination table, and gestures for her to lie back. "We're gonna measure ya to see where ya are in regard to how far along the pregnancy is and then perform an ultrasound to see how the baby's doing. Maybe find out the gender—according to your file, today marks the twelfth week."

Nicky moves her chair so that she's able to reach one of her lover's hands; she holds it in her own with a soft yet firm squeeze. Stroking the tips of her fingers lightly along the lines that make up her palm. Her big brown orbs peer intently into Lorna's.

A strong spell of anxiety overwhelms the young Italian. She allows her hand to grip tightly onto the one that holds it. The tugging of the measuring tape against her abdomen makes her feel slightly claustrophobic but she does her best to keep that to herself. Does her hardest to keep herself from falling apart. There's no way she'll measure on-par for three months. Not when she can barely take in even one full meal a day.

"Okay, so you're measuring a month behind. That's not a big deal since you're only in the beginning of your second trimester. Ya have plenty a time to gain more weight," Doctor Black tells her, jotting down the measurements on her chart and setting the measuring tape back where she found it.

She walks over to the ultrasound monitor and grabs the bottle of gel that sits on the shelf beside the transducer probe.

Lorna shakes her head rapidly, eyes staring fearfully between the two women. "What is that?"

"This? It's just the gel that goes on your stomach…helps to get better pictures of the baby."

" _No._ " The brunette sits up and holds out her hands to somehow stop her from coming any closer. "Ya ain't putting that gel on me.  _I don't trust you._ "

Without any hesitation, Nicky jumps up from her chair and places a hand on either of her shoulders. She massages them in a comforting manner, gazing lovingly into her eyes. "It's okay, kid; she's just gotta put it on so she can see the baby. Nothing's gonna happen, I promise. It's okay," she soothingly murmurs, moving her hands to cup around her face.

As much as she wants to believe her words, Lorna only shakes her head and grips desperately onto her fiancée. It's challenging to trust strangers anymore. Something she used to so easily do…but now, the thought repulses her. She refuses to ever put herself in a situation that makes her frightful. "No.  _I said no_ , Nicky. I don't want someone I don't know coming into contact with my skin with some substance that is 'supposed' to be gel."

"Okay, baby. Don't get yourself all worked up; that's not good for ya, sweetie." Nicky informs her, brushing a hand softly through her dark waves of hair. Her eyes avert over to her puzzled friend. "It's not a problem if I put the gel on her, is it? I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable."

The oddest request she has ever heard of in her years of working in this particular practice. She shakes her head slowly, knowing full-well that's something she could potentially get written up for. "Technically I shouldn't let ya do that…but since you're my friend and I'm known for not following the rules, go right ahead," she hands the bottle of gel to Nicky.

"Thanks," the redhead nods and very carefully lays Lorna back down.

Her heart sores magnificently for the petite brunette—who trembles faintly against the cold table. "Hey,  _hey_ ," her voice warmly soothes as she rests a hand lovingly on her cheek. "I'll take care a ya, doll, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay. This ain't gonna hurt…it'll just be a little cold but that's all. Please don't shake, my baby, there's nothing for you to be scared of."

Boo watches the interaction with curiously arched eyebrows. She readies the ultrasound machine while pondering why on Earth any person would be afraid of a harmless— _simple_ —little procedure. As much as she longs to make one of her usual sarcastic remarks, she refrains herself—knowing she's already on thin ice with her old-time pal.

"I ain't scared, Nicky…I just—I'm sorry," she mutters when she senses the chilly breeze on her exposed abdomen. For her lover to have to see that…it forms a lump in her throat. The last thing she wants is for anyone to see her bloated stomach. She doesn't even know if she can look at it without becoming plagued with nausea.

With careful hands, Nicky gently rubs the gel over the flesh of her fiancée's stomach. She bends her head down in front of Lorna's in order to peck her quickly on her red lips. "Don't be sorry. I'd do anything for ya, kid—you should know that by now."

"All right. Now that that's all taken care of—let's see if we can't get a look at that rugrat, ay? Ready to see who's been making ya sick the past few months, huh?" Doctor Black inquiries, a semi-genuine smile on her face as she slowly takes the transducer off its resting station and brings it over to place on Lorna's faint baby-bump.

The sensation has Lorna swallowing uncomfortably. She bites the inside her of mouth, subconsciously, and focuses her eyes on Nicky. Studying her every feature to keep herself at peace. Everything about the redhead makes her happy to be one day marrying her. Her loving personality, beautiful features, and protective nature. She couldn't ask for a better soul-mate, she knows. No one is better for her than Nicky.

Nicky smiles warmly, grabbing a hold of her hand and caressing the palm of it lightly with her thumb. "What do ya think the baby is? My bets are on a girl."

"Well, if it's a boy…ya owe me a good cuppa coffee," Lorna smiles back, squeezing the hand that holds hers tightly.

"Sure thing, kid. We'll go by the bakery after this and I'll treat ya to a cappuccino  _and_  a sushki. Ya know that baby's probably gettin' hungry anyway."

Glancing momentarily away from the screen towards the two women, Boo raises an interested eyebrow. "Sushki? Ya talking about that real good Russian bakery across the street? Oh, god, I go there every morning before my shift for that delectable goodness," she wonders.

Nodding, the redhead bends down to press her lips affectionately over the flesh of her lover's forehead. Her smile broadens as she takes in her angelic features. "Yeah, that's the one. I'm real good friends with the owner. Actually she's become like a mother to me over the last several years. She's a real great woman."

"Oh ain't she named Red or something? Just like her fire-colored hair?"

"That's it. Okay, enough about that—pay attention to my Lorna's baby, will ya? Can ya see it?"

Doctor Black gives a curt nod and turns her head to focus her eyes back on the computer screen. The hand she uses to hold the transducer moves it slowly around her patient's exposed bump. She stops and holds it on one spot when she notices an image of what appears to be the baby comes onto the screen. "Ah, here's the little rugrat. Oooh and I think I know what it is—ya wanna see?"

Lorna sucks in a sharp breath to mentally prepare herself. This should be a happy occasion. And, under any other circumstances or for any other couple, that's exactly what it would be. But all she felt at this very moment is regret. Regret for not truly wanting this baby. This little miracle. She reaches up for one of Nicky's hands and grips it in her own as a way to brace herself.

"Show us," she calmly agrees.

With a certain amount of precision, Boo gradually—and carefully—turns the monitor so both of the other women can have a peak at it. "Look right there," she instructs, placing her fingers on the exact location. "There's your offspring. Look real close; tell me what ya see."

As soon as she turns to glance at her baby, a batch of tears come rushing to her eyes. She covers her hand over her mouth when she realizes what she's looking at. "Is that—is that—"

" _Wow_. Looks like I'm treating ya to a good coffee, doll. If that doesn't confirm it's a boy—I don't know what does."

* * *

Red's nearly finished sweeping the floor when the bell above the door captures her attention. She looks up from her work and smiles at the couple that walks in. Twice this week she gets to see her two favorite girls, she thinks. Setting the broom and dust pan into its respective place, she meets them at the sales counter. "How're my girls today? What can I get you?"

Her arm wrapped loosely around the brunette's waist, Nicky places a soft smile on her face. "Just came from Lorna's first pregnancy appointment and so I owe her a coffee and Sushki. She won the bet on the baby's gender," she informs her mother before digging in her satchel for her wallet.

Shaking her head, the Russian baker pushes the credit card away. "Nonsense, Nicky. It's on me. Both of you get whatever your heart's desire. Now, Lorna, please share what you're having. Is it a grandson or granddaughter we're talking about? Oh, God, it'll be so much better now that the gender is known. Don't have to refer to it as  _it_  anymore," a light laugh escapes her as she goes to prepare a cappuccino and plain coffee.

"A baby boy," is Lorna's meek reply. Not entirely sure how to process the still fresh news. She wishes she was happy about it—happy to know that she'll be the mother to a baby boy in six months. But knowing he'll resemble his father somehow…it's repulsive to her. Repulsive to be carrying a mini-Vinny inside her womb. She wants to love her son but isn't sure if she ever will. And that only worsens the situation further.

"Oh, how precious—baby boys are so much fun," Red exclaims, a beaming grin on her face at the thought of being a babushka to a little grandson. She carefully carries the two hot coffees over to the counter and hands them to the girls on the other side. "The day I held my oldest son in my arms for the first time…it was the best moment of my life. A magical moment. To look down at the little bundle  _you_  created; what an experience."

Lorna nods uncomfortably, gratefully taking her drink as a way to busy herself. She sips it slowly.

Rubbing a hand comfortingly through her dark hair, Nicky gives a firm stare across the counter to her mother. "Glad you're excited about the news, ma. But, uh, we need time to process it, yeah? Thanks for the coffees—we're gonna go enjoy them at a table…all the way over there by the window."

" _Wait!_ " Red quickly grabs two fresh-baked Sushkis off the rack and places them on a tray. She hands it over to Nicky, "Almost forgot your pastries, girls. Eat em' now while they're still hot."

The redhead nods her appreciation before following Lorna to a table. She occupies the chair across from her and places the tray on the middle of the table so both of them have easy access to it. Her eyes bore into her lover's, searching for a sign. Any sign that can clue her in to how she may be feeling. "Ya know how beautiful ya are, huh? I could look at that sweet face all day, pretty girl."

Blushing slightly at the compliment, Lorna hides her face in her coffee. "Do  _you_ know how sweet ya really are, hon? And damn is this the best cappuccino I've had in a long time. I could drink a million a these," she points out as the sugary sensation splashes over her several thousand taste-buds.

"If ya drank a million a those, your heart might hate ya. I know, though, ma makes a damn good cappuccino."

Lorna nods and sets down her cup. Her expression quickly grows serious. "I don't know if I'm happy with carrying a boy inside me, Nicky. I hate myself for feeling so resentful towards him. I mean it's not his fault…but the thought of him coming out looking just like his father—it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want a mini-Vinny."

"Don't hate yourself for anything, doll-face. You're allowed to feel this way. It's unnerving to wonder what he'll come out looking like. I really was praying you'd have a girl…so ya wouldn't have to stress like this. He's gonna be a daily reminder of all the hell you've gone through and I'm so sorry for that, Lorna baby. But he's also a big part of you. He'll look like a Morello, I bet. A mini-Lorna…okay, a boy version of you. Just think of how fucking adorable that will be. Ya ever wondered what you'd look like as a boy? Well, now you'll know. But, seriously, if this is too hard for you to go through…it's not too late to have an abort—"

"No, no,  _absolutely not_. I'm  _not_  having a fucking abortion  _now_. It's way too late, Nicky. He's a living— _breathing_ —baby growing inside me. I can't kill him. No matter how much it hurts to carry a monster's baby."

Nicky sighs and nods. She rapidly reaches a hand over to place tenderly on Lorna's cheek. "Okay, doll, ya don't have to. There's always adoption. If it ever becomes too much for you, ya know? It's still early in the pregnancy…you have time to change your mind, sweetheart. Nothing has to be final right now. Whatever you want to do, I'm here to support it. I promise this is all going to work out."

Covering her hands over her face, Lorna shakes her head frustratedly. All of this is too much right now. She longs to go back to when she was not stuck carrying an abuser's baby. "I don't even have time to worry about the baby right now…I got that stupid fucking hearing in a week. God, I can't deal with all this damn shit right now. It's too much, Nicky— _too much_!"

" _Hey, hey_ ," Nicky huskily soothes, letting the palm of her hand caress lightly along her lover's tense face. "Take a deep breath. Everything's okay. Don't work yourself up over this right now. You need to relax, baby. I know there's a lot going on at the moment and it's overwhelming but you have to calm down. Getting upset like this—it's not good for you. We want to keep ya as mentally stable as we can for the hearing, yeah? Let me do the worrying and stressing, will ya? You just sip your coffee and enjoy that delicious sushki. Don't even mention the baby or court for the rest of the day."

"I can't, Nicky,  _I can't stop_  myself from thinking about it. Why isn't there a way to shut off my mind? It's giving me a headache."

Immediately the older woman gets up from her chair and goes over to Lorna's side. She carefully lifts her up so she can sit beneath her and places her onto her lap. "I'll hold ya then, how's that?" She lays the brunette's head onto her chest, giving a warm peck atop it. "Listen to my heart-beat for a while, sweetie. That'll help ya calm down. We can't risk your mental health right now. You deserve justice and I will not allow any of your alters to put that at jeopardy. So, if I have to fucking hold ya at the trial just to keep that promise then that's exactly what I'll do. I love you way too much to let anything get in the way of your happiness, Lorna baby."


	30. Chapter 30

_Chapter Thirty_

Two weeks fly by much to Lorna and Nicky's dismay. The thought of getting up and ready to attend Vinny's hearing instantly brings a strong terror over Lorna. She swallows thickly, her eyes squinting from the brightness of the sun's shining through the bedroom window. They turn away from the window and search the room meticulously for Nicky but come up empty-handed. She takes a peak at the alarm clock that sits on the bedside table, sees it's half past nine in the morning. No wonder Nicky isn't still in bed with her. She slept rather late.

She quickly plunges herself out of the bed, frisking her way through the bedroom door and towards the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower will calm her very provoked nerves. Oh, God, does she hope so. The anxiety is eating her alive is what it feels like. Having to face Vinny, once again, in a courtroom tears her up inside. She can only hope that it doesn't trigger a response from her mental illness this time. The last thing she needs is for something like that to occur yet again.

Clicking the light switch on, she sucks in a sharp breath as she slowly undresses herself to prepare for her shower. A shower she hopes will bring some sort of calming sensation over her. She can't go to court like this—feeling as though she can't catch her breath or think rationally. She needs to get herself together. At least long enough to testify fully against Vinny. Just keep herself in one piece long enough to finally get him sentenced behind bars.

The water pours hotly—refreshingly—over her petite body. She shuts her eyes, relishing in its warmth. The security the steaming water provides her with. A rather large sigh tumbles through her vocal chords. Maybe the trial won't be so bad, she tells herself. Maybe he won't even bother to look at her. Yeah, right, she thinks. Of course he'll be looking at her—watching her every move like the terrifying man that he is. The only way she'll ever be rid of him is for the jury to find him guilty and the judge to have him locked up for the rest of his life.

Pondering continuously over it only worsens the terror and anxiety. She can feel the contents of her stomach slowly coming back up to her mouth. She quickly jumps out of the shower and runs to the toilet, heaving over it as the water drips from her bare body—soaking the tile floor beneath her. The water still runs rather noisily behind her. Comes as a grateful gesture to her, covering up the sound of her retching.

However, that doesn't seem to deter her fiancée's from picking the lock and throwing open the door just moments later. Immediately, Lorna feels a knot grow inside her stomach—her stomach that's already queasy and upset from worrying over the trial. No matter how much she wants to get up and assure Nicky this is not what it looks like, she couldn't. The heaving refuses to let up.

"Lorna? Are ya okay?" The inquiry rushes out of Nicky's concerned voice. She hurries to her side, placing a soothing hand on her bare back and rubbing it in gentle circles. "Oh, my sweetheart, are ya this worked up about the trial today?"

The nausea continues to plague her, which makes forming a coherent response nearly impossible at that exact moment. The most she can do is nod her head ever so slightly. It feels like an eternity passes before the vomiting finally subsides. Lorna quickly flushes the toilet, grabs a piece of toilet paper to wipe her mouth, and turns to stare shamefully up at her fiancée.

"I'm sorry ya have to see this, hon. I don't know why I hadda puke so bad but it hit me right when I got in the shower. And now, I feel all gross and sticky."

Shaking her head firmly, Nicky throws her arms lovingly around her lover's bare and wet body—not caring that her clothes are getting soaked or anything of that nature. She presses a soft kiss atop her head, gazing compassionately down into her eyes. "You're always so beautiful, my baby. I don't give a fuck if you're naked and heaving over the toilet—you're still the most gorgeous human being I've ever seen. So, don't ya dare feel embarrassed or obligated to apologize over that. I love you so fucking much. Nothing matters to me but you, sweetie. As long as you're in one piece, that's all that matters. It's okay, we still have time for you to jump back in the shower and clean off. Hell, I think I'll join ya so I can hold you a little longer before we have to leave. How's that, kid?"

A half-smile forms on the younger woman's face at the suggestion. Her head bounces up and down eagerly. "A shower with you sounds perfect, Nicky. At least I can pretend it's all fine for the time I'm with you," she murmurs quietly before releasing herself from Nicky's arms and climbing back into the tub of spraying hot water.

Nicky steps in the steaming shower behind her lover and gently wraps her arms back around her petite waist. A soothing kiss she drops to the back of her head. " _Hey_ ,  _it is_  gonna all be fine," her voice warm against Lorna's ear; she lets a finger brush softly around its pink flesh. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to ya, yeah? You're gonna be okay, Lorna baby. Please don't stress yourself out over this. Ya already got yourself sick from all the stress…my poor baby,  _don't_  do this to yourself. Let me do all the worrying. You needa stay as calm as possible, my pretty doll."

"It's real hard not to stress and fret, Nicky. I've been up all night thinking about sitting in that damn courtroom with him. My stomach is in knots over it. I don't wanna go through this again. What if one a my alters comes out again and ruins it like the last time? Nicky, I can't do that—I can't fucking risk that happening a second time. I don't want Vinny to be outta prison!"

"Take a breath, baby." Nicky's arms gently turn the trembling brunette around so that they're facing one another. She frames her hands lovingly around each of her porcelain cheeks. "I'll be right by your side, Lorna, the whole time. I won't let any of your alters jeopardize this for ya. I swear to God, doll. If I have to explain to the judge the situation then I sure as fuck will. You deserve justice."

The trembling of the other's body only seems to get worse, Nicky heartbreakingly realizes. She tightens her arms around her waist, letting her body press softly—yet firmly—against Lorna's. "You don't needa be so scared, Lorna. I promise it'll be okay—ya got a whole bunch of people rooting for ya. Just ya wait; it's all gonna work out. You'll see, baby."

"No. I-I just can't be in that room with him. Please don't make me. I'm already starting to feel a headache coming on—this ain't gonna go well, Nicky."

Lifting Lorna's head towards her own, Nicky strokes a tender kiss against her lips. "Shh, don't worry about it. Let's just enjoy our time together and not think about anything else."

A lump sits in her throat; eyes bore frantically up into soft ones. She shakes her head infuriatingly. " _Don't worry about it? Don't think about it?_  I can't do anything else but both of those, Nicky. I can't do anything but worry that Vinny's gonna get away with this and find another way to come after me…maybe even kill me next time. I'm fucking terrified. I don't wanna go through this shit anymore—I can't fucking take it!"

"Stop, just stop," the redhead's voice huskily soothes, lips pressing delicately over Lorna's. The palm of her hand brushes warmly around her flushed cheeks. " _Don't do this_  to yourself, Lorna baby. Don't get yourself all worked up; just let me hold you, let me take your pain from you, will ya? Let your body relax, sweetheart; you're so tense, you're gonna hurt yourself. Come on, kid, ya gotta relax." She softly places her lover's head onto her bare chest while holding a firm hand on the middle of her back. Trying so desperately to loosen up the obviously stressed muscles.

Lorna grips her hands tightly around the taller woman's neck, instinctively feeling her body worm closer to hers. The warmth and love that radiates from her fiancée never fails to leave her feeling encompassed with unfaltering security and affection—even when she doesn't believe it will. Her eyes squeeze shut as tears gradually spill from them.

"But there's so much going on in my mind—how do I  _just stop_  thinking?"

"You have to just relax. Close your eyes and breathe, sweetheart. You're okay. Everything's okay," she murmurs tenderly, letting her lips press softly over Lorna's temple. "I'm gonna be by your side through all of this. You don't have to ever question that. We'll get through this hearing, my baby, together. Now, you just let me hold you and enjoy the shower. Don't say another word. Breathe, that's all I want you to do. Is to breathe and cuddle with me for long as ya want."

A slight sniffle escapes her; she gives a small nod. "I-I can do that. I love ya, hon. Thank you."

Nicky smiles lovingly, resting her chin on top of Lorna's head. "That's my girl," she praises, tightening her arms around her small frame. "I love you, too, angel-face. More than anything. You don't have to thank me for loving you and wanting to take care of you. Sweetie, ya gotta get that through your precious head already."

* * *

An hour later has the couple in the car headed into town close to where the courthouse is. Nicky pulls in to a parking lot that belongs to a local diner and searches for a spot to park her car. Once she finds one, she quickly pulls in and shuts off the vehicle. She reaches over to place a hand tenderly against the soft flesh of Lorna's porcelain cheek.

Lorna turns to glance puzzlingly at her fiancée. Eyebrows arch confusingly over top of her brown orbs. "What're we doing here, hon?" The question slips ponderously out of her mouth.

"Well, the hearing doesn't start until two o'clock so I thought we could stop here for some lunch. Maybe run into a couple of friends," a warm smile takes up form on Nicky's face as she runs the tips of her fingers soothingly around the other's cheeks.

Nodding intuitively, the brunette places her hand softly overtop of the one that lays against her face; strokes her thumb lightly over pale knuckles. "I don't know if I can eat anything but it sounds nice. Maybe I can get a coffee, at least. Run into friends? Ya think Alex is gonna be here or somethin'?" Big brown eyes stare thoughtfully up into compassion-filled ones.

Before responding, Nicky opens her car door and gets out. She walks over to the passenger side to open her fiancée's door for her. Her arm wraps automatically around her waist once she's standing outside beside her. She gives a warm kiss atop her head. "Ya gotta eat something, kid. I don't want ya getting a stomach ache. And I don't know if coffee's such a wise decision right now—you're already all wired-up, sweetie, you don't need anymore fuel. It'll just give you a fast heart-rate, which ya don't really need," she carefully informs her as they make their way to the diner's entrance.

"I mighta told Alex and Poussey to meet us here for a lunch date. Thought it'd do ya good to see your best friend, kid. Maybe a little hug from her might calm ya down, yeah?"

A small smile grows on Lorna's face at her lover's heartfelt gesture. She reaches her hands up to grab hold of Nicky's head, softly pulling it down in front of her own. Slowly inching closer until their lips brush together in a warm, passion-filled, kiss. "That's real sweet a ya, hon. I love you," she whispers, breath hotly lingering over her mouth.

That smile is everything Nicky needs to know that they will get through this obstacle. That Lorna is as resilient as ever. The most resilient person she's ever met—ever known. No one has gone through more horror and pain than the woman she loves and still find reasons to be happy. To smile, to live. It warms her heart more than anything to see that.

"I'd do anything to see that gorgeous smile on your gorgeous face, doll. Besides, this way we can all drive to the courthouse together. You can be surrounded by the people who love you for as long as possible," Nicky lovingly declares.

When they finally make it inside the small family-run restaurant, they don't even have to look long for a table before they come face-to-face with their friends—whom sit at a round table near the back of the small dining area. The pair quickly make their way over, claiming the two chairs on the opposite side of the them.

Their presence immediately has Alex focusing her blue eyes ahead at her best friend. Searching heavily over her stature for any signs of distress. She reaches a hand across the table to place comfortingly atop Lorna's. "How ya doing this morning, kid? Look a bit tense," she questions a little more protectively than planned. The protective side comes out stronger than usual; she can't contain it after the last time she watched her best friend suffer through a court hearing.

Sitting beside her black-haired girlfriend, Poussey places a comforting hand over her thigh under the table while giving a sympathetic stare towards their friends across from them. What they're going through, she can't even begin to imagine how hard it is. How tiring and exhaustive it leaves them. "We're all here for ya, Lorna. Don't worry."

_Don't worry_. That was easier said than done, Lorna thinks. She doesn't say that, though, only gives a grateful smile in return. At least she knows there's more people on her side than not. More people who know she's been wronged and that the only place someone like Vinny belongs is prison. She swallows roughly.

"I didn't wanna go today. I still don't. But Nicky says it'll work out…and I'm tryna real hard to believe her. She's the only thing that's getting me through this hellish day. I much rather crawl in bed and hide away forever than to attend this stupid hearing and see Vinny again."

"I know,  _I know_ ," Alex warmly starts off, her head slowly nodding along with each word. She squeezes Lorna's hand soothingly in her own, brushing her thumb delicately over her knuckles. Eyes gaze empathetically ahead into frantic ones. "It's hard having to face a monster like him after all the shit he's done to ya…put ya through. You don't deserve that and I wish ya didn't have to be put through this again. You've been through enough shit for one life, kid. Ya really have."

Sensing the anger rising in her girlfriend's tone, Poussey strokes her hand lovingly around her thigh. Trying desperately to calm her down. What should be focused on is not revenge on Vinny but on comforting Lorna and seeking justice for her, she knows. That's what both she and Nicky need to be putting all of their energy in.

"So, how's the pregnancy? Are ya still getting morning sickness?" She hopes the change of subject will keep everyone's emotions in check—for a while, at least.

The change of subject comes as a surprising relief to Lorna. The pregnancy is usually her dreaded topic of choice but, now, is something she doesn't mind conversing about. At least it'll give her time to focus on something that isn't the trial. "Almost every day," she mutters, eyes focusing down on the wooden pattern of the table. "Found out it's a boy."

Sympathy only rises immensely in Alex's eyes as they continue to stare at her best friend. She hopes and prays that the baby doesn't resemble his father at all. That he doesn't make Lorna relive all of the abuse each and every day. "How—how do ya feel about that, kid?"

Nicky wraps an arm comfortingly around Lorna's shoulder, pulling her closer so that her head is nearly resting in the crook of her neck. She peers down at her with loving eyes.

"Worried and a little terrified. What if he looks just like Vinny? I don't wanna have a mini-Vinny. I'm tired of Vinny—he just won't leave me alone."

Nodding slowly, Alex only tightens her grip on the brunette's hand. The rage towards Vinny only strengthening at her best friend's raw confession. "You know you don't have to make any final decisions about this pregnancy right now, yeah? You're allowed to change your mind, honey. You don't have to have this baby if it's not something you can handle."

"Don't worry, she and I discussed this many times. She knows she can change her mind if she wants but my sweetheart has her beautiful heart set on having this baby. Such a beautiful person my Lorna is. I've never met anyone stronger than her," Nicky chimes in, stroking her lips warmly over her lover's temple.

Lorna shakes her head curtly. "I'm not strong just because I won't kill my baby. It's just the right thing to do, Nicky. Doesn't make me special or shit like that. Hell, I'm probably the weakest person there is. I can't even go testify in court without an alter coming out to save me. I'm fucking weak."

" _Don't you even dare._  Don't mock your own mental illness, Lorna.  _You can't_  fucking control that—how dare you berate yourself like that," Nicky angrily commands, eyes peering heatedly down into the petite brunette's. " _You're not weak_  just because you're suffering from a severe mental illness. You're not anything even close to weak and I don't wanna hear shit like that come outta your mouth again. You don't need to be degrading yourself; you've had enough of that done by Vinny. Don't you start that up yourself, Lorna baby."

The smaller woman folds her arms over her chest, gazing back with just as strong intensity. "You're always showering me with these compliments I don't deserve, Nicky. You put me up on a damn petal-stool, acting like I'm something that isn't a fuck-up and it's just not true."

A rather large pang forms in Nicky's chest at the raw emotion seeping from her fiancée's words. What is going on in that head of hers? She wonders. It hurts to hear her berate herself like this—to think that the self-loathing is getting worse rather than better. Her thoughts as well as the conversation get interrupted by the presence of the waiter's hovering in front of the table.

She sighs, hating that she has to wait to voice her concerns. Her eyes watch over Lorna meticulously as she refuses to order anything, only silently handing over her menu to the waiter. A frustration seeps to the surface. She quickly searches through her own for a meal that might be appetizing to her lover.

"Two waters and two of the full-portion pasta dishes, please," she informs the waiter, her eyes never once leaving Lorna's face.

Once the waiter leaves, Lorna glares across at her fiancée. "I'm not eating. I don't care."

" _Oh, yes, you are eating_. You need to fuel your body, baby—you have to take care of yourself. What the fuck's up with this attitude? Why are you being so fucking hateful to yourself? You're my baby and always will be; and I'm always gonna shower you with compliments. You deserve each and every one of them, pretty doll.  _You aren't_  a fuck-up…what the hell? What the hell's going on in your head?"

Alex observes the conversation with a slowly building worry. She stares between her two friends, not knowing how to intervene. How to calm either of them down. "Lorna, ya gotta calm down. You're not being rationale at all. What's wrong, kid? Why have you so suddenly become so insulting towards yourself, huh? You okay? Are ya getting anxious about the hearing—is that it, kid?"

Lorna lets her fingers run along the rim of the table. She focuses her eyes down, not wanting to see the shame and pain in any of their eyes. What she's probably caused. Everything's a mess. Her emotions, her mind, this day. Nothing can help her calm down. Help her think rationally right now. The only thing she can do is stop talking. Don't look at anyone, she tells herself.

" _Lorna?_  Lorna, talk to us. Come on, doll, don't shut down. We're all here for you. You don't have to be afraid to open up. Look, we all can clearly see that you're not okay. Is this hearing really getting you so upset that you're resorting to self-destruction?"

The soothing voice is the only thing that keeps Lorna from floating away. Yet, it sounds muffled and far away. Her surroundings gradually grow hazy; she widens her eyes, staring madly around the table. She grips tightly onto the table, hoping that somehow stables her vision.

Nicky waves a hand in her face, concern growing stronger with each passing minute. The glassy stare of her lover's eyes only adds to her fear. "Lorna baby, please say something. What's going on? Are you having a headache? Is that what's causing all this trouble?"

"I-I feel like I'm fading away," is Lorna's faint response. The fact that even her own voice sounds muffled brings a wavering fright over her. She lets her hand move over towards Nicky, grabbing tightly onto her arm—clinging desperately as though it'll stop her from being whisked away.

Such a statement has the redhead immediately pulling her fiancée onto her lap. She wraps her arms snugly around her waist, letting Lorna's head cradle softly against her softly-beating chest. "Sounds like you're having a panic attack, sweetie.  _It's okay_. You're not fading away; it just feels that way. Because of how upset and frantic you've been. You're all worked up, Lorna. You need to calm down. That's why you feel this way—you haven't let yourself relax like you should," Nicky lovingly points out, her demeanor much softer and warmer now.

Alex gazes intensely over her best friend's body, easily noticing the exhaustion that seems to plague her. "Did ya get any sleep last night, kid? Maybe a little nap might help, yeah? Ya have plenty of time," her voice softly questions, eyes giving sympathetic glances at the two across from she and her girlfriend.

Nodding her agreement, the redhead situates Lorna in a position she hopes will lure her into a relaxing state of sleep. She lets a hand rub soothingly up and down her back. "Good idea, Vause," she acclaims, eyes giving a quick grateful glance at Alex who sits right across from her. Her eyes focus back on Lorna, she lets her own head rest comfortingly atop hers.

"You did mention ya weren't able to sleep last night because of the trial—maybe it's a good idea to have a little nap before we head over, yeah Lorna baby? I'll wake ya up when the food comes. Some sleep and food, I think, are exactly what ya need right now to fix this odd state you're in, doll. Close your eyes. Everything's okay. I'm right here; I've got you, baby."

The mere thought of trying to sleep causes a strong bout of fear to rip through Lorna's body. She can't risk having one of those alters come out. She can't go to sleep; she knows that will only jeopardize this whole hearing. Especially when she can already sense another presence at the surface of her mind. She shakes her head profusely.

"I can't, Nicky, I can't sleep."

Stroking a kiss over her head of hair, Nicky tilts her head and peers softly down into her doe-brown eyes. "How come, baby? You have time to nap if that's what you're worried about. It's barely noon and the courthouse is only a two minute drive from here. Come on, kid, close your eyes and relax. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Don't be scared," she soothes softly, letting a finger brush strands of hair comfortingly around her ear.

"No," Lorna mutters, eyes staring straight ahead. "I don't want one of my alters to come out. I'm scared. I can feel someone trying to get out and they're making me say all these things. I don't want to risk that, Nicky. I don't want to risk the outcome of the trial. I can't relive that."

Sighing lightly, Nicky nods slowly. It all seems to make sense now. Why Lorna seems to be all over the place this morning. Her alter is trying to escape—trying to make her way to the surface and wreak havoc on her life. She tightens her arms around the slightly shaking brunette, letting her lips rest softly on the top of her head. "I won't let that happen, doll. I promise. Please just close your eyes and relax. Don't worry about anything, please, you need to get some sleep. You can't go to court like this, my sweetheart. You're an emotional and sleep-deprived mess, Lorna baby. They won't consider anything you say if you show up in this condition. And I don't want that to happen. So let's try to get ya a little more stable, yeah?"

* * *

The clock strokes exactly two o'clock as Lorna and Nicky finally enter the courthouse. Nerves hit full-force for Lorna while she follows timidly behind Nicky into the courtroom. Her hands become clammy at her sides; legs shakes throughout her walk. She's not sure she can make it through this in one piece. The fact that she'll be facing Vinny in less than a minute makes her skin crawl. She hopes he doesn't notice the bump forming beneath her floral-print dress. He doesn't need to know that he has any offspring. Doesn't need to know that he's left her with his dirty seed.

Nicky senses her anxiety rather quickly and grabs a firm hold of one of her hands as a way to help soothe her. She gives it a comforting squeeze, turning her face to stare her softly in the eyes. "Deep breaths, baby, deep breaths," she lovingly reminds her once they enter through one of the sets of French doors. Her eyes immediately scan the room for any signs of Vinny.

They catch sight of him at a table to the right of the plaintiff side. Eyes glare daggers at the man who's shackled to the rectangular piece of wood. The glare only grows stronger when he looks up from his hands to give an almost Satanic smirk in Lorna's direction. Nicky's arms quickly wrap snug around Lorna's shaking body, pulling her face to lay on her chest—hidden from his line of view.

"I got you, kid," she lovingly assures, hugging her protectively against her body. Once they make it to their own table, she very carefully helps Lorna to sit down in her chair before claiming the one on her right as her own. "Don't look at him, Lorna. Keep your focus over here on me. Just stay with me, yeah? I'll protect you. I mean it."

Lorna swallows thickly. She does her best to not stare at the man. Does her hardest to keep her focus on Nicky. To keep herself from falling apart. She refuses to allow a repeat of the last time she was here. It can't happen, she deems. Vinny needs to be sentenced today; she can't live peacefully until she knows there's no chance of his being set free again.

Grabbing the steel pitcher of water, Nicky pours a glass for her fiancée and places it gently in front of her. "Have a sip, sweetheart. You look a little pale. I think ya might be a little dehydrated from not taking care a yourself today. Drink some water, will ya?"

"He's watching my every move, Nicky.  _I feel it_. He's gonna do something. I can't—I can't be here."

Sighing, Nicky lifts the glass of water and brings it to the brunette's lips. "Open up and have a sip. You're a little delirious because of how thirsty you are. Sip the water, my baby."

Lorna shakes her head and lays it on the table. She slightly turns it so that she's looking across the room at Vinny. The handcuffs on his hands seem to be loose, she thinks as she watches them slowly move towards the guard that's standing—back-turned—beside him. "He's gonna do something, Nicky.  _Look_ ," she points shakily, eyes bewildered as they observe what's about to play out.

"I'm looking, baby doll, but I think you're just seeing things. You need to drink some water. Please, take a little sip for me."

When his hands reach inside the turned officer's belt for the gun, all color in Lorna's face drains. The last thing on her mind is having a drink of that water. She grips onto Nicky's hand deathly tight. " _See, look_. He-he has that guard's gun, Nicky. We're all gonna die," her voice shakes out in horror. Tears stream heavily down her porcelain cheeks.

Nicky throws her arms protectively around the tremoring brunette's waist, smothering her face in soothing kisses. "Relax, sweetie, have some water. There's no way he can take that gun. His hands are in handcuffs. See, this is why you shoulda had that nap—you're delirious and irrational right now, my baby. Everything's okay; nothing's gonna happen. I'm right here, I've got you," she murmurs reassuringly.

However, the next thing that happens has the entire courtroom full of people fearing for their lives. The gun goes off as screams emanate horrifically throughout the room.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to update. This chapter probably sucks and I'm sorry.

_Chapter Thirty-One_

It all happens rather fast. The gun's going off leads to a room full of chaos. Screams and shrieks of pure terror boom throughout the courtroom. Officers scamper through to detain Vinny. Instinctively, Lorna curled herself into a ball underneath the table after the frightening occurrence. Only at the sensation of Nicky's soft touch on her shoulder does she dare move from her position. Eyes widely gaze up at her, the horror flooding her entire face.

She can tell the redhead's saying something but doesn't hear the words. The ringing of the gunshot keeps replaying in her mind, deafening the reality of the world around her. She feels trapped in her own mind.

Nicky quickly takes action and throws her arms protectively tight around her fiancée's trembling waist. Her hands cup firmly around her damp cheeks, caressing them soothingly. "Look at me, baby," she murmurs, brushing her forehead lovingly over the brunette's. Lips resting just mere inches above bright-red ones. "Come on, Lorna, eyes up here. You need to calm down. You're fine, I promise. You don't need to shake; I've got ya, sweetheart. I won't let go," she does her best to soothe her lover.

The words sound muffled and distant. The fear only intensifies at such an uneasy sensation. She stares piercingly up at her, trying to make-out what she's saying. Tries to make sense of her surroundings.

"Talk to me. What're ya thinking, kid? Please say something."

"I—I don't know what you're saying. I can't hear anything but the gun keeps going off. It's too loud, Nicky."

Worried lines forming on her forehead, Nicky only strengthens her hold on the smaller woman. Her lips stroke tenderly over each of her temples. "They got the gun off him, Lorna. Everything's okay now, I promise. He's been carted off back to prison and the hearing will be finished without him. You don't have to be scared anymore," she does her best to reassure the terrified brunette. Does her best to soothe and comfort her.

She sees that her words aren't doing much to calm the trembling woman in her arms and feels her heart rip-up inside. Her hands delicately frame around Lorna's head, laying it softly onto her gently-beating chest. "Ya gotta calm down, doll. I know what happened scared you but I promise you there's nothing to worry about now. He's gone. They took him away. Please, please just breathe and relax."

Shutting her eyes, Lorna takes in a shaky breath of air. Trying to calm herself. She doesn't want to go through another hearing. She needs this to be the last time she ever steps inside a courtroom. She knows she can't handle a third round.

Massaging her fingers softly over her temples, Nicky brushes her lips along the back of her head. "Good girl," she huskily encourages, "Deep breaths. Everything's fine, my baby."

"We—we probably look like freaks hiding under this table, huh?" Lorna manages after sucking in a few breaths of air. She tilts her head up slightly so her eyes gaze directly into her lover's.

Resting a hand on either side of her face, Nicky shakes her head and allows her lips to stroke sweetly over the other's. "I don't really give a shit what anyone thinks we look like. I'm just glad my sweetheart's back in reality with me," is her warm and honest response. She lets the tips of her fingers run lightly along the outline of Lorna's face.

"Mhmm," she breathes, letting her eyes focus up on her red-haired lover. She nods slowly. "What, what exactly did he shoot the gun at?"

"I'm not sure, doll, I think just the floor. As soon as the officers saw he had hold of the gun they swarmed over him. Didn't hurt anyone; don't ya worry," Nicky warmly assures, her arms still cradled around the smaller woman's head. She peaks her head slightly from under the wooden table to see what's happening and realizes that all eyes seem to be on the pair of them.

Her brown eyes avert back to the woman in her arms. "Ready to face reality now? Finish this damn hearing so ya can go on with your life, yeah baby?"

Lorna nods but keeps her mouth closed. Of course, she knows, the true response is the opposite. The last thing she wants is to face this hearing. To be put on the witness stand and testify against her abuser. Even with his being removed from the room, anxiety continues to plague through her body. What if the judge and jury don't find her testimony to be good enough? What if they set Vinny free again? The questions run ramped in her mind.

Grabbing hold of her hand, Nicky carefully helps her up from beneath the table and peers down at her with a comforting smile. "You have nothing to worry about. I'm right here, doll. I'll be here through all a this," the words firmly fall from her mouth as lips press against the tender flesh of her forehead.

With the commotion finally seeming to settle, the judge looks up from his chamber to stare at the two young women who are reclaiming their spots in the leather seats. He narrows his glasses so that they're lying right on the tip of his nose. "I'm going to call for a quick ten-minute recess so your friend there can recover from this ordeal," he announces before getting up from his chair and walking out of the courtroom.

"Ten minutes ain't long enough to process any a what just happened," Lorna mumbles, a broken laugh escaping along with her words. "The only bright side is he didn't shoot anyone. I was so worried he was gonna aim it at you or somethin', Nicky." Her eyes frantically look up into the taller woman's.

Tilting her head slightly, Nicky stares back at her with arched eyebrows. She reaches a hand up to place lovingly on her cheek. Fingers caressing delicately against its soft flesh. "At me? Why do ya say that, kid?"

"Because he likes to hurt me and-and losing you would be the most painful thing in the world. He knows if he'd do something like that, I couldn't handle it and end up taking my own life. It'd be a two-for-one deal for him."

Nodding intuitively, the redhead brushes a soft kiss atop her head. Her eyes darken slightly. "You're right. There's nothing more that devil likes than seeing you in any sort of pain—emotional or physical. He's a satanic piece of shit. But he's gone now, my baby, you don't have to worry about anything like that happening. We're gonna make sure he gets sent to prison for the rest of his miserable life."

Lorna slowly bobs her head up and down. Brown eyes search the room meticulously. When they fall on a familiar Russian and Hispanic couple, a strong sense of comfort washes over her. The sensation gradually increases as the two carefully make their way over.

Nicky easily notices the sudden calmness that takes over her fiancée. She brushes her lips lightly over her temple. "Everything's gonna work out. Just ya wait and see, baby."

The minute the two older women are standing by their side, Gloria covers a comforting hand over the petite Italian's shoulder. She peers heavily into her eyes, the pain and anguish almost too relatable. The stunt they all witnessed only moments ago sits highly on her heart. Something, she knows, her own abuser would have easily pulled had he had the chance. She shakes her head and does her best to focus her energy on comforting the young girl.

"Quite the start of a trial, wasn't that?" Her inquiry light-hearted albeit the concern that makes up her face.

"Wish it would just be done with. I don't wanna be here."

"I know, I know," Gloria gently mutters, patting her hand comfortingly over the shoulder it rests upon. She sighs, knowing all too well how Lorna's feeling. The dreariness of going through the trial of her former abuser. It's not something anyone should have to go through, she thinks. "It'll be over before ya know it, sweetie. And you'll be free of Vinny for the resta your life."

Nodding her agreement, Red stands in-between her daughter and the short brunette. Her light-blue orbs filled with empathy and compassion for the pair of them. "After the stunt he pulled today, I'd be damn shocked if he didn't get put away for life. He could have killed somebody for Christ sake."

Nicky takes in a sharp breath. "We can only hope that's the case, ma. God only knows with our luck."

A melancholic chortle tumbles from Lorna's larynx at such a comment. How true it is, she realizes. But not their luck, more of her own luck. Rather the lack of luck ever being on her side, that is. "Ya mean my luck, huh Nicky?" She questions, another small laugh comes out. "I know the lucks a bunch a shit when it comes to me."

Turning her head back towards her lover, Nicky's eyes pierce strongly down into the other's. "Stop that right now, kid. I don't wanna hear any negativity coming outta your mouth, ya hear me? No more."

"The both a ya needa to think more positively," Gloria points out, eyes staring between the pair. "The judge witnessed what that piece a shit pulled today and I guarantee he ain't gonna just let him off. For Christ sake, he coulda shot at multiple people—he ain't gonna get outta prison for a long time, now."

"Exactly, girls. That judge is not gonna sit back and let Vinny get away with that dangerous stunt of his," Red adds intuitively.

Standing up in the row of seating directly behind where the four of them are, Alex allows her lightly-colored orbs to peer concerningly ahead into her best friend's. Her heart still pounding slightly faster than normal inside of her chest. "No way in hell  _any_  judge—in their right damn mind—would let a person like Vinny anywhere that isn't securely locked-up and closely monitored. Coulda been a serial killer had none a the officers stopped him for all we know."

To have all this support is almost too much to wrap her mind around. An unfamiliar territory that Lorna hasn't experienced in well over ten years. Emotions gradually overwhelm her, easily causing a fountain of tears to pour from her dark orbs. Several sniffles sound through her nose as she wipes her hands at damp cheeks.

" _Hey_ ," Nicky soothes, taking Lorna's face tenderly in her hands. Forehead rests gently against forehead. Fingers stroke against flesh. "Everything's okay. Why ya cryin', sweetheart?"

A small, faint, teary smile forms as she looks between the people standing around her. Her heart feels a sense of belonging—a sense of what it's like to truly be surrounded by family. Something Vinny took away from her the last decade. Now, she's slowly rebuilding her life to the way it was or, rather, should have been. "I-I just I don't know how to explain the way I feel. It's odd to have so many people who care but it's also really nice and I-I don't know, there's too many emotions to filter through," she finally answers.

The response isn't much of a surprise to Nicky. Given what she's gone through the past several years, it's no wonder she's feeling so many different ways. Who wouldn't be conflicted with their emotions after such? "I get it, kid. Ya don't have to explain yourself. As long as ya know you're safe, that's all that matters right now," her voice murmurs only a mere inches from the shorter woman's ear.

"And being pregnant on top of everything probably isn't helping with your emotions," the Hispanic woman truthfully informs her, eyes empathetic as they gaze over towards Lorna. "It's a lot to deal with all at once. Going through the trial of your abusive ex while also being pregnant with his child. Not easy shit, I know. But you're a much stronger person for going through all of this."

"What I've been tryna tell her since we became friends," Alex mumbles her comment, eyes piercing strongly ahead into her best friend's. Loathing that no matter how many people tell her, she never fully believes their words.

Momentarily turning to face her, Gloria gives a sympathetic smile at the remark. "Sometimes it takes a while for people like her to fully get that. I know it did for myself. Ya just gotta give her time. I know that's not an easy thing to do but time is what it takes to heal."

The words instantly bring a calmness over Lorna, who gratefully smiles over at the older woman. "Thanks," she murmurs.

* * *

Ten minutes pass rather quickly as the next thing Lorna knows is she's being called to the witness stand once the judge has returned to his chambers. Nerves and anxiety hit full force. Her legs very faintly wobble beneath her throughout the short walk from her table to the location of the witness stand. She uneasily takes a seat on the wooden chair, her hands tremoring slightly against her lap.

The amount of eyes that focus on her only add to the building pressure in her chest. She sucks in a sharp breath and swallows thickly. Doing her best to keep her composure. To not allow herself to fall apart the same way she did the last time. Yet when the prosecutor is headed in her direction, she can't help but freeze up. Braces herself for what's to come.

"Good to see you again, Miss Morello," she hears the DA greet her, not missing how she addressed her as Miss Morello rather than Lorna. Probably a tactic to keep from the same "name confusion" as last time, she thinks.

"I-I can't say the same," is her timid response. And couldn't be closer to the truth, she realizes. It certainly isn't good to see her again since that means another day in Vinny's presence.

Giving a slow nod in return, the prosecutor isn't so much as phased by the comment. She places a sympathetic smile on her face, slightly lowering her glasses down to the tip of her nose. "So, how long have you known the defendant?"

Lorna swallows hard. A simple question she tells herself. With a simple answer. "Uh, I've known him since kindergarten but started talking to him when I was in ninth grade—ten years ago," she responds, her voice eerily strained to keep her emotions from seeping out.

"When did you two start dating?"

Sitting worriedly in her seat beside Lorna's empty one, Nicky watches the young woman's every move with a cautious eye. She tries to catch her lover's eye so she can read how she's feeling but the girl refuses to look up from her very visibly shaking lap. It rips her up inside to see what this is doing to the woman she loves. The one woman who shouldn't have to be put through another ounce of agony.

Another thick swallow. "I don't remember exactly…I think the middle of ninth grade," her voice shakes as she messes about with her hands. Trying to keep herself preoccupied.

The prosecutor gives an encouraging nod. "And what was the relationship like in the beginning?"

Shutting her eyes, Lorna tries to hold her composure. Forces the tears to stay beneath her eyelids. She can't let anyone see her blubbering like a baby on the stand. She knows that won't do anything but make her look like a bigger mental case than she already is. "Nice. I-I—he was real nice to me, he made me feel really loved and we went on dates a lot."

Nicky grits her teeth to keep the anger from showing. That man wouldn't know love if it damn well hit him in the head, she thinks.

"When did you notice that seemed to change? Was it a gradual change or did it seem to happen overnight?"

Lorna gulps, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Her eyes slightly look up from her lap, immediately finding Nicky across the room and focusing on her. The only comfort she has sitting where she is.

Meeting her gaze, Nicky peers softly back. Wanting nothing more than to take her in her arms and carry her the hell away from this place. She sighs, though, and settles for smiling reassuringly at her fiancée.  _It's okay_ , she mouths to her,  _Take your breaths, baby._

She faintly nods and sucks in a rather large amount of air. "Gradual, I guess. Little things turned into big things."

Folding her arms over her chest, the district attorney stares sternly across at the plaintiff. "Miss Morello, I need you to be more specific than that. In what ways did things change? How did Mr. Muccio go from a nice boyfriend to your abuser?"

Nicky shakes her head, enraged at such a question directed at her lover.

"He stopped doing the nice little things he always did. And then he started to insult me. He called me fat a lot and wouldn't let me eat anything. He-he did a lotta things to me that I didn't think boyfriends were supposed to do to someone they loved but he made me believe that it was all out of love," her voice begins to crack into sobs.

"So, why would you continue to be in a relationship with a man like that? Why didn't you end it?"

The rage in Nicky's body only strengthens at the DA's questioning tactic. How she longs to yell out for her to shut the fuck up. But she does her best to keep herself in check, biting her tongue to keep quiet.

The inquiries being fired at her causes Lorna's legs to shake harder against the marble flooring. Tears pour along her porcelain cheeks as she shrugs her shoulders. "He…he was all I had," she whispers, muffled sobs slowly accompanying. "He told me no one else—no one else would ever love me."

"Was he physically abusive to you? What all did Mr. Muccio do to you?"

Lorna instinctively begins to rock back and forth in her seat. Needing to calm herself somehow. To stop the emotions from becoming too much. She needed to remain sane so she can finally be done with this ordeal. "Yes, v-very," she mutters, the rocking becoming more and more noticeable the more she remembers what he's done.

"He, he taped my hands to-to the treadmill and-and turned it on the highest setting. If I didn't—If I didn't—"

"If you didn't what? Miss Morello, I understand this is hard but if you want justice you need to discuss everything that Mr. Muccio's done," the prosecutor points out.

Shaking her head profusely, the rocking intensifies. "I can't, I  _can't._ "

Not able to watch this mess any longer, Nicky throws up her hands to get the judge's attention, "Your honor?"

Narrowing his eyes, the judge turns to face her with an impatient scowl on his face. "What is it, Nichols?"

"Can I have a minute to calm her down?" She inquires, gesturing towards the obviously distraught Lorna. "I mean  _look_  at her, ya can't let her be questioned like this can you? She's obviously in distress."

With a sigh, he curtly nods. "You have five minutes. If she can't collect herself then we'll have to reschedule the hearing… _again_."

* * *

Nicky takes Lorna by the hand out of the room to the restroom that's just down the hall and locks them in the biggest stall. Her arms envelop tight around the brunette's waist, cradling her body protectively against her own. The two remain quiet for several seconds just enjoying the warmth and comfort of one another. She rests her head over top of Lorna's and brushes a soft kiss on her temple.

"I'm here, sweetie, I'm here.  _Relax_ ," she murmurs, breath warm in the smaller woman's ear. She pats her back delicately, trying her hardest to soothe her in any way she can. "I know the questions she's asking aren't easy for you to answer and I hate that she's doing that to you…but you're doing a great job, doll-face. My strong Lorna. Ya gotta stay calm, yeah? Just focus on me when you're up there. If looking at me calms ya down, do it. I don't care whatever helps you,  _do it_. You deserve justice."

Lorna buries her face deep in the cotton of Nicky's sweater. Finding comfort in her radiating body-heat and natural aroma. She throws her arms around her neck and shakes her head dishearteningly. "Looking at you is the only comfort I have up there, Nicky. But-but even that isn't gonna make it easy for me to say what Vinny's done—I just, I can't. It hurts too much…the pain is strong still and I don't want the whole room full of mostly strangers to know what dirty things I've done, ya know? I feel sick," she cries out, tears soaking the fabric beneath her.

Tightening her hold immensely, Nicky rolls her head frustratingly around her shoulder before inhaling a sharp breath. Her orbs peer down at the Italian with a searing intensity. "You have done absolutely nothing.  _Nothing_ , ya hear me? You stop that kinda talk right now, baby. Vinny—he's the one who's done dirty things and everyone needs to know the kinda sick fuck he is. What kinda person hurts someone so sweet and precious like you, my doll? A dirty little fucker like Vinny, that's who and he's going right where he belongs—prison. Don't you dare worry about what anyone in that courtroom thinks. None of them matter. Only us and our family. That's who matters and who need to know what you've gone through. Sweetheart, Alex is like your damn older sister for fuck's sake—why shouldn't she know about all the things you've been forced to do? She cares about you and wants to help ya through this just as much as I do. You don't have to fucking worry what she'll think of you, ya know that don't you baby? Don't you know how much she loves you? She's not gonna think any less of you… _no one will._   _You_  didn't choose to do anything.  _Vinny_ fucking  _made_ you. He took advantage of your sweet, beautiful, nature. For his own fucking sick pleasure. You are not and never will be the blame for anything you've gone through, do you understand me?"

Her arms pull Lorna closer, resting her chin lovingly over the top of her head. She squeezes her lovingly in her arms, longing to be able to stay like that forever. Where she knows no one can ever bring either of them any harm. A sigh tumbles through as she presses a comforting kiss atop Lorna's head. "Calmer now, kid?"

"Can we just stay here…like this? I don't wanna go back in there. I can't handle any more questions."

"I wish," Nicky murmurs, moving her lips down towards Lorna's and smothering them in a sweet kiss. "I know you don't, baby, but we have to. Just think, all ya gotta do is finish that today and then you're done. No more trial. How about when we're done here, we'll go home and cuddle for the rest of the day—sound good? You look ready for a nap, sweetie. I know this is waring ya out—just gotta get through another hour or so and then the evening is  _ours_."

* * *

The rest of the trial finishes without further conflict and ends with Vinny's being sentenced to fifteen years in prison as well as twenty years' probation. Not the best sentence possible but not the worst either, Lorna thinks as she follows Nicky out of the courthouse through the parking lot to their car. Alex and Poussey quickly catch up with them outside, exchanging sympathetic glances.

"Thank god that son of a bitch is finally where he belongs," Alex is the first to break the silence once they're all standing in front of Nicky's car. She places a gentle hand over her best friend's shoulder, eyes softening as they gaze down into her brown ones. "I'm so sorry he's put ya through so much fucking shit, Lorn. And I'm sorrier that you didn't feel safe talking to me about exactly what he's done…"

Lorna swallows thickly at her friend's remark. The guilt and shame quickly rising underneath her skin. She bows her head down shamefully. "Sorry," she whispers, staring down at the gravel below her shoes.

The taller woman shakes her head fiercely before scooping her in her arms for a strong and soothing embrace. She takes Lorna's head and places it gently over her chest, hugging it there for a few silent moments. " _Don't._  You don't apologize for anything; nothing that happened to you is your fault. You don't need to be sorry for not sharing certain things with me…I get why ya didn't. Sure, you're practically my sister and it hurts my heart that you were too scared to come to me about that but I understand why and  _I will not_  ever hold something like that against you. I'm always here for you, baby. Just know that, yeah?"

She nods her acknowledgement, embracing her back tightly before releasing it and smiling kindly up at her best friend. "Thank you, Al. Thank you both for being here today, made it a little easier. I really do appreciate the support," she murmurs, staring between the black-haired woman and Poussey.

Poussey gives a soft smile in return, pulling her in for a quick hug. "Anytime. I'm glad ya finally got the justice you deserve. After all the shit ya suffered through, ya deserve the piece of mind. You know Al and I will always be here for you two, and vice versa. Ain't that the whole point of friendships, huh?" A light chuckle escapes her.

Nicky playfully smirks, wrapping a protective arm around her fiancée's shoulder. "Sure is," she agrees, rubbing her hand soothingly up and down Lorna's back. "Seriously, though, we really do appreciate the support today. Made it easier for her. Slightly."

"I'm always here for my best friend," the tallest woman sternly assures before she and her girlfriend start heading to search for their own car. She gives one last glance at them, her eyes falling on Lorna. "Go home and sleep, honey. You've had a rough day…Take care a my best friend, will ya Nicky? Make sure she gets a good night's rest tonight,  _after_  she eats something."

Nuzzling her cheek against the petite brunette's, Nicky chuckles and nods. " _Of course_  I'll take care a her, Vause. She's my baby, I always take care a her. In fact, we have ourselves a cuddle date this evening," she informs her.

Waving her hands at them, Poussey shakes her head with a light-hearted eye roll. "TMI, Nichols, TMI. We better go before we witness things we can't un-see, Al. These two could get frisky at any moment the way  _she's_  talking," she says, sharing a laugh with her girlfriend as the pair of them leave the opposite way.

* * *

The minute she's in the passenger side of the car, Lorna leans her head contently against the brim of the window. She rolls it down slightly to get a breeze over her face and shuts her eyes. Relishing in the soothing sensation. She feels Nicky's hand touch lightly on her cheek, which only intensifies her relaxation. "Mmm," she hums, eyes still shut. "I love you, hon."

Nicky smiles, caressing the tips of her fingers against soft flesh. She starts backing out of the parking spot while peaking a soft glance at her lover. "I love you too, doll-face. God, you're fucking adorable. Can't wait to get home so I can cuddle you up," her husky voice nearly purrs, a longing hidden deep within as she looks her body thoroughly over.

Peeping one eye open, Lorna notices the slight lust in the other's eyes and laughs sweetly. "Is cuddle code for make love? That sounds like a perfect way to end this dreadful day."

Immediately, Nicky recovers from her moment of desire and sternly shakes her head. She grabs Lorna's hand and brings it towards her lips for a tender stroke. "I would never fucking pull some shit like that on you, baby. No. Cuddle is not code for anything—I promised you we were gonna cuddle tonight and I meant it. I'm gonna hold ya and love on you…god, sweetheart, I'm so sorry for implying anything otherwise. That's what that monster Vinny would do, huh? He'd promise to cuddle and end up forcing you to do other things, yeah? Well, you don't ever have to worry about that shit with me. I will never fucking trick you, my baby. Shit, fuck, I'm sorry—I didn't mean to mention him. Damn it, I ruined the mood with that—"

"Nicky, stop it. You don't have to baby me, ya know? I'm not gonna fall part or nothin', hon. I can hear his name and not breakdown. And we can make love tonight while we cuddle, I think that would be real nice. I love you and appreciate everything ya do for me but please don't coddle me, okay? I get that I'm all over the place sometimes but I'm not a complete mess," Lorna laughs, taking Nicky's hand and bringing it over to her lips for a soft peck.

"I don't baby you, Lorna," the redhead defensively begins, her eyes staring fiercely ahead into her lover's. The way she has her head tilted lets her know she doesn't agree. She sighs and shrugs. "Okay, maybe sometimes I do, kid. But you're my baby, course' I gotta baby you…at least when you're hurting and going through shit like this. You need extra love to help ya through, ya know?

Folding her arms over her chest, Lorna only blinks at her. Though, a small smile sits in the corner of her mouth.

Nicky grumbles and rolls her eyes. "Okay, I might do it more than sometimes. I'm sorry, doll. Sue me for wanting to make my baby as happy as I can. I'll try not to do that so much if it makes ya feel better."

"Thanks, hon," Lorna softly murmurs.

"Tonight is strictly for cuddling, baby. Ya heard your best friend, she said you need to go home and sleep. And I've been summoned to adhere to her request, kid. Maybe we oughta talk to Alex about _her_  tendency to coddle you, yeah?" Nicky smirks, throwing a laughing wink to her fiancée.

Rolling her eyes playfully, Lorna leans her head back against the window. "I think you both need your own therapists for that problem," she mumbles out through a yawn. "Who says Alex has to know what we do? I won't tell, if ya don't?"

"As much as I adore your frisky attitude, you really do need to get some sleep. You haven't been sleeping well the last two nights because of this damn hearing…you're completely drained, baby. We're gonna go home and you're gonna lay on me after we get some food in you. I know you've skipped a couple meals lately, you can't start that shit again. You need to take care a yourself, Lorna. Love yourself, baby," Nicky murmurs, eyes gazing compassionately over at her lover. "See, this is one of the reasons you do need me to baby you and take care of you because someone needs to love you. You clearly don't love yourself enough and that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that you don't think you're worth it…I don't care, sweetie, I'll love you enough for both of us. I'll always love you. And I'm gonna find a way to make you love yourself too. You deserve to, Lorna. You are a beautiful human being—how can ya not see that? It's not just on the outside…your heart is fucking beautiful, you have all this love for other people but where's the love for Lorna? Where's the love for you, sweetheart?"


	32. Chapter 32

_Chapter Thirty-Two_

Lorna hovers in the kitchen that evening, waiting for the coffee pot to brew the bold beverage. She exhales a large breath while looking through the cupboards for two packets of sugar. Relief is the only sensation today's events have left her with. To finally be free of Vinny's wrath—it's an overwhelming realization. Almost too good to be true. She only hopes that he stays in prison for the entirety of his sentence.

Leaning against the archway that leads into the dining room, Nicky watches her fiancée intently. It's a comforting sensation to know that her lover's former abusive ex will be spending the majority of his life behind bars. "Coffee, huh? How about some food to go with it? I can make some toast and bacon, yeah?"

Taking a carton of creamer out of the fridge, Lorna slightly turns her head to stare at the redhead. "Ya want a cup, hon? I don't know if I can stomach any food right now…the baby keeps moving around and making me queasy," she responds, rubbing a free hand gently around her small bump. Hoping to somehow calm the baby from all his nauseating movements.

"Well, I mean I might as well—ya made a whole pot of it," Nicky points out as she walks over to stand beside her. She gently snakes her arms around her waist, resting her chin on her shoulder. "Maybe he's doing that because he's hungry. I bet if ya eat something, he'll stop pestering you. Can ya try, doll?"

With the coffee dripping its last drop into the glass pot, Lorna picks it up and carries it to pour into the two mugs she's sat out on the counter. The sound of coffee hitting the inside of her empty mug is music to her ears. She smiles once it's full and grabs a spoon to mix in the sugar and cream. She uses her other hand to grab the plain cup, handing it carefully to her fiancée.

"I don't know. Eating might make it worse."

Taking the mug gratefully, Nicky shakes her head and gives a soft peck to the other's lips. Her free hand she uses to cup delicately around a porcelain cheek. "I think ya should try, my baby. You need to eat for yourself and the little rugrat. Go enjoy your coffee and I'll whip up something good, yeah?" She smiles, poking the flesh of her cheek softly.

Throwing her arms around her waist, she pulls her in for a quick—sweet—kiss. "I love you, my beautiful Lorna." A hand combs affectionately through dark waves while her smile slightly grows. "Why don't ya pick out a movie for us to watch?"

Lorna nods excitedly, her arms subconsciously wrapping tight around her neck. She buries her face in it and calmingly takes in her scent. "I love you too, hon," she murmurs, lips warm over the flesh of her neck. "Will ya kill me if I choose a Hallmark Christmas movie? Cause' that's what I'm aiming towards." She inquiries, batting her eyes innocently up at her fiancée.

"I'll probably roll my eyes the whole time but I won't kill ya, kid. Whatever makes ya happy is good with me," the older woman responds with a light chuckle. She uses her hand to ruffle Lorna's waves.

"I love you," the brunette whispers, grabbing her face tenderly and brushing their lips together in a warm kiss.

Nicky kisses back softly before unlocking their lips and pulling her close for a firm embrace. She smiles lovingly, squeezing her tight. "I know, sweetie. Now, go enjoy your coffee in the living room so I can cook us up something—will ya?"

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Just—don't be long, huh? I wanna enjoy the evening with my fiancée and not think about anything else."

Smiling softly, the taller woman nods and pats her shoulder. "I won't be, don't worry. Just go on and let me get to work—I'll be in in five minutes," she assures her, watching intently to see her slowly leave the room through the archway. Once left alone, she grabs the loaf of bread sitting on the counter and takes out two slices. She spreads a light layer of butter before placing them in the toaster.

While the bread is getting toasted, she grabs a pack of bacon from the fridge and takes out a few slices. A tranquil sigh escapes her; it's a relief to finally be rid of her fiancée's former abuser. To not have to worry if he'll come after her again or constantly find ways to taunt her. The greatest sensation in the world, she deems it. Her lover is finally out of his control for good.

She finishes cooking as quickly as she can, and once the toast is a light brown and the bacon's crispy she places both on a tray to be carried into the living room.

The aroma of fresh cooked food immediately hits Lorna's nose the second her lover enters. She sips her coffee and lets her eyes avert towards the direction of such smell. "I didn't know ya could cook, hon," she lightly jokes, a warm smirk on her face as she sets her half-full mug on the coffee table. "It smells pretty good…the baby is finally calm."

Nicky sets the tray on the coffee table as well and sits on the couch beside her fiancée. A chuckle makes its way through her windpipe. "Guess he likes the smell of bacon, yeah? Well, guess that means you gotta eat some of this—ya know to see how good of a cook I am?" She throws an arm protectively around her petite waist, gradually pulling her closer. Lips stroke softly against the top of her head.

Lorna nods and swallows a rather uncomfortable gulp. She reaches for a thin piece of bacon, rips a sliver off, and examines it very meticulously.

Placing a hand tenderly on her cheek, Nicky eyes her over in a slight concern. "It's just a piece of bacon, baby. Ya don't gotta be so finnicky. It's okay—not like it'll bite you," she tries to joke but quickly realizes that's the wrong choice. The apprehension on her lover's face breaks her heart. A sigh escapes her; she uses her knuckles to caress lovingly against her pale cheek. "Aw, doll, it's okay. I know ya have a hard time with food…I'm sorry for being a little insensitive."

" _Pathetic_  is what I am," Lorna shakes her head. She looks down at the flimsy piece of food in her hand and grumbles. "It's just a fucking piece of bacon and I'm terrified of it. How pathetic is that, Nicky?"

" _Hey_ ," Nicky murmurs, placing her coffee down beside the other and framing her hands firmly around Lorna's face. She runs a finger along her cheeks and stops when she feels a tear hit against the flesh. Immediately, she pulls her into her arms and drops a tender kiss atop her head. "You're nothing even close to pathetic, Lorna. Please don't start this shit again. Don't go down the self-loathing path again—you can't afford that, doll. It's beyond understandable your behavior towards food…you have an eating disorder, sweetheart. It's gonna take time and patience to get past that. But that's okay; you'll have all the time ya need to heal."

Shaking her head, Lorna peers darkly up into the big brown orbs of her fiancée. She grabs fiercely onto her shoulders, her knuckles becoming white from the strong grip. "I don't have an eating disorder, Nicky. Don't say that. I just—it's been a while since I've had bacon…I—I'd like to savor it, ya know?"

Cradling her hands delicately around her face, Nicky tilts her head and lets her eyes gaze softly down at her. She sighs and shakes her head. "You're never going to heal if ya stay in denial, Lorna baby. It's the truth; I have to say it.  _You_ have to say it."

The words tear through Lorna ragingly. She takes the ripped piece of bacon and chucks it fiercely in her mouth. Chewing it viciously with her teeth. Like hell she has an eating disorder, she tells herself. Not even close. She'll never accept that; she can't, not when it's so farfetched.

Nicky folds her arms over her chest. Her eyes watch the brunette over in a deep concern. "Shoving a bite of food in your mouth isn't going to negate the fact, sweetie. You know, deep down, that you have an issue. You think not addressing that is going to make it disappear but that's not true at all. It's just going to get you further in a hole. And I don't want that for ya—no one does. We all want you to get better so ya can enjoy life again. But you have to face your problems. Ya can't keep ignoring them, my baby. It's not good for you."

"I think I've faced enough for today, Nicky," Lorna mutters coolly. She scoots to the end of the couch leaning against the armrest. Too much to stress over in one day, something a pregnant woman like herself doesn't need she thinks. No, she certainly doesn't need this right now. Facing Vinny was enough. Took nearly all of her energy to face that monstrosity today.

"You're right—you have dealt with a lotta shit for one day. I guess this can be saved for another day. I don't want ya to get overwhelmed right now, doll," Nicky gently agrees, her heart aching slightly to see the woman she loves pull away from her. She inhales a large breath of air and subtly moves a little closer to the short brunette. A hand is cautiously placed over hers.

Her eyes peer heatedly down into blatantly drained ones. "Let's just forget about this and enjoy our night, yeah kid? Ya wanna put on that sappy Christmas movie you were telling me about? I'm looking forward to exercising my eyes," a loving smile spreads across her face.

An instinctive laugh tumbles from Lorna's throat at the comment. Though, she rolls her eyes and pretends to have not heard that last part as she grabs the remote and flips to that particular channel. The gradual sensation of the arms of her lover encircling her body causes hers to instinctively nestle closer to its warmth. A content sigh escapes. "Thank you," is her whispered response.

Taking Lorna's head in her hands, Nicky smiles and pecks a sweet kiss against her red lips. She brushes the tips of her fingers delicately along the outline of her face. "You never have to thank me for loving you and wanting to support ya. That's what ya do for the people ya love. I'm always gonna be here for ya, baby. I love you more than anyone in the world," her voice murmurs enduringly into her ear.

* * *

Halfway through the second trimester of her pregnancy, Lorna finds herself in the waiting room of another doctor visit. She fiddles with her thumbs anxiously in her lap. The thought of seeing the baby on that screen again forms a lump in her throat. Only a reminder that he's really there. And in four short months will come in contact with the outside world. She massages her temples furiously at the thought. The thought that she doesn't have much longer before she meets her son in person. It breaks her heart that she's dreading it rather than excitedly awaiting such a special moment.

Nicky easily takes notice of her fiancée's apprehension from her spot beside her. She reaches her hand over to place comfortingly overtop of hers and brushes her thumb over pale knuckles. "It's okay, kid; you're not alone in this," her husky voice lovingly reminds her, breath only a mere inch away from her ear. Eyes watch over her attentively.

Nodding slowly, Lorna lifts her head slightly to meet the redhead's gaze. "I just…I feel bad for not wanting the pregnancy to be over. Any other woman would be looking forward to giving birth but I'm not. I don't want that to happen because that means the baby's real, ya know?"

"Yeah, well, ya know what else? Most other women haven't been through half the shit you have, Lorna. They haven't been mentally, physically, and sexually abused the way you have. Anyone with a brain could understand why giving birth is so dreadful for ya. This baby is a reminder of all the pain and misery you've dealt with," the older woman warmly starts off, wrapping an arm protectively around her waist.

More than anything does it pain her to see how much Lorna's suffering with the weight of this pregnancy. Sometimes such a sight makes her wish that she would have ended it or opted for adoption…the last thing she needs is another reason to hurt. But she refuses to persuade the woman she loves any which way. This baby is all her decision. No one else can make it for her.

"I know what ya mean, kid. But that baby is as real as the two of us. Your little bump here," she places her hand over her faintly protruding stomach and soothingly pats it, "is proof of that."

"Who's to say it's not just the pop-tart I had this morning, huh?" Lorna half-smiles, leaning her head against her lover's shoulder. She shuts her eyes in content.

To see a smile on her face immediately stimulates one to form on Nicky's. Her lips drop a tender kiss atop her head as she gives a soft look down at the brunette. "As much as I adore your cute jokes, there's actual proof that the baby's really in there. And, my sweetheart, if you're having second thoughts about being a mother to him,  _that's okay_.  _Remember_  you don't have to make any final decisions until he's born. Do not force that kinda stress on yourself, baby. That's the last thing ya need right now."

"I am his mother, Nicky. Whether I wanna be or not. I can't undo any of this shit and I wish I could. I wish I could undo everything. I don't wanna deal with a baby that came from Vinny. A baby that's going to fucking remind me of the reason I hate food, and hospitals—why I can't fucking trust doctors anymore or can't trust people I don't know. This baby is all of my pain—I don't…I can't—"

Nicky shakes her head, placing a finger gently over her lips. "Stop. Just stop, baby," she soothes, stroking a kiss to her cheek. "You don't need to make any decisions right now. Stop stressing over this. We'll worry about it when he comes, yeah? You need to just focus on your health and not think about anything else. Please stop torturing yourself. That's not gonna help with any a this, doll."

The conversation comes to a halt shortly after when Lorna's called back for her appointment. Both women follow silently behind the nurse to the room, Lorna nervously situating herself on the table as directed and Nicky in one of the chairs beside her. Five minutes pass with routine vitals being taken and written in her file before the nurse leaves to inform the doctor of their presence.

Nicky looks up at her fiancée with concerned eyes. She grabs hold of one of her hands and squeezes it lovingly in her own. "I still can't believe your doctor is someone I went to school with—I mean of all people, Boo was the last fucking person I ever imagined to go through with medical school and actually pass it," she comments, a chuckle sneaking its way through between words.

A small smile comes to the surface on Lorna's face. Her head nods in agreement. "Yeah, that is a little weird. I mean for you. I never knew her before so I can't make any judgments."

"Believe me if ya did, you'd be as shocked as I am to see her in a white coat." Nicky playfully smirks, bringing the delicate hand she holds up to her lips for a warm peck.

Lorna smiles but doesn't say anything. She focuses her eyes down on the marble flooring. Only coming out of her short daze when she hears the door gradually creak open. Her eyes immediately avert towards the sound, watching closely as her doctor enters through the door and takes a seat on the wheelie chair aside the ultrasound machine. She swallows thickly.

"Good morning you two lovebirds," Doctor Black lightly greets, turning so that she's facing the two women. "Wanna hear the little booger's heartbeat today?"

Nicky peeks over at the brunette, searching for any signs of distress. She tightens her grasp on her hand.

"Uh, yeah. Of-of course," she stammers uneasily, feeling Nicky's stare and letting her eyes cautiously look up to meet her gaze. She sighs, the knot in her stomach only growing with each agonizing minute. Such a moment is something the majority of pregnant women long for, she knows, and it hurts that she can't enjoy this. That she can't enjoy the baby she's always dreamt of having.

"Well, before we get to the good stuff, I gotta do the clinical shit—I mean stuff," Boo informs them, grabbing the measuring tape out of one of the drawers that make up the desk she shits next to. She gets up from the chair and walks over to stand over Lorna. "Measurement time—let's see how ya rank on the chart, shall we?"

Inhaling a breath of air, Nicky stands up as well to provide moral support for her highly apparent anxious lover. She stands next to her face and places a hand softly over her forehead, caressing it lightly. "I bet you're just perfect, yeah kid?"

Lorna shrugs and closes her eyes in thought. It doesn't matter to her what the measurement is. All that matters is getting the hell out of here as soon as she possibly can.

It doesn't take much of the measuring tape to wrap around Lorna's abdomen Doctor Black quickly comes to realize. She takes a look at the numbers on it and jots them down on the computer. Once she puts the item back in its original place, she reclaims her spot in the chair and wheels herself closer to the patient. Giving a serious glance between her and Nicky. Something she rarely ever does.

"Well, it appears you're measuring nearly the same as the last visit. Which was two months ago, I might add."

Crossing her arms defensively over her chest, Lorna darkly stares ahead into the doctor's blue orbs. "And? What's wrong with that? Isn't it good that I'm not gaining too much weight?"

Nicky runs her thumb softly around the flesh of her forehead and gives a stern glance at her old friend. Silently informing her not to upset the woman she loves.

Sucking in a deep breath, Boo rubs her temples while staring between the two of them. Contemplating why she didn't just refer her to a different doctor at their first appointment. Seeing how weird it is to be a doctor to a friend's fiancée. "Actually, you're not gaining weight at all. I think you've lost a pound in the past two months. And that's concerning because that means the baby might be small when he's born…even at full-term. Adequate nutrition is crucial during pregnancy for both mother and baby. I recommend upping your calorie intake."

Such a comment has Nicky facepalming herself. That's not going to go over well with her fiancée, she knows. And she's right.

"Yeah, do ya? Ya know what I recommend, doctor? Keeping your opinions to yourself," Lorna angrily mutters while quickly jumping off of the table and making a v-line to the door. There's no way she'll take advice from anyone about how much she should or shouldn't be eating. No one controls her intake but herself, she deems.

Nicky is quickly on her tail, jumping in front of her to guard the door. She takes her face in her hands and gives a firm look into her eyes. "What did we talk about the other day, huh? No more running away from your problems. That's not how we fix them—it's not gonna do any good to not accept the truth, yeah?" The tears that sit at the brim of Lorna's eyes make her realize that she may be close to a break through. She pulls her in for a strong embrace and brushes a soothing kiss atop her head. "Come back with me, doll-face. Let's just get through the resta the appointment and we'll talk about how to fix the issue later."

"What?  _You agree_  with her? So, ya want me to get  _fat_?"

"Lorna, that's not what either of us are saying at all. We just want you to nourish yourself with foods that will give ya the proper nutrition," the redhead carefully words her response, peering intensely ahead into infuriated orbs. She takes her hand and gently leads her back to the table. "Don't just do this for the baby, do this for you. You deserve to be healthy, kid."

Shaking her head angrily, Lorna stares between them with rage bubbling beneath the surface. Like hell she's going to eat more food just to end up a fat ballooned whale, she spitefully tells herself. Over her dead body. "I'm not eating more. I'll gain weight—and I refuse to do that."

Listening intently to the entire conversation, Boo looks ahead at her patient with a deeply concerned expression. Another thing she hardly ever does. "As a medical profession, the way you're talking, I really advise you maybe seek out a therapist. Sounds like ya might have an eating disorder…which isn't going to be something that can be managed on your own while pregnant."

" _I am_  her therapist," Nicky quickly and sternly replies, placing her hand comfortingly over Lorna's. "And she does have an eating disorder that I'm helping her slowly work through. This is why I warned ya to be sensitive when talking to her," she mutters, rolling her eyes in irritation. Not even a doctor visit can be stress free for her the woman she loves.

Overwhelmed, Lorna holds up her hands and waves them impatiently. "Can the two of you stop talking about me like I'm not here and just get this stupid visit over with? I'd like to go about my day."

"Guess you're not too thrilled about the baby, are you?"

Nicky gives a dark glare towards the doctor, pulling Lorna's head near her heart for a quick embrace. "What part of be sensitive do ya not understand?"

Lifting her head, Lorna stares distastefully back at Doctor Black. She shakes her head roughly. "Name one woman  _who_  would be thrilled to be pregnant with a monster's baby," she commands deadpan.

Swallowing uncomfortably, Boo nods and holds out a finger. "Ah, ya have me there. I'm sorry," she mumbles, quickly readying the ultrasound equipment.

The petite Italian exhales a disgruntled breath, waiting uneasily for the ultrasound to take place. She stares up at Nicky with apologetic eyes; slowly, she reaches her hand up to place on the soft flesh of her cheek. "I-I'm sorry, hon—I don't mean to be such a bitch," she whispers, combing the tips of her fingers feathery along her face.

"Don't you even worry about that, sweetie. I know your emotions are all over the place right now and that's not your fault. You can't control that…please don't put that kinda pressure on yourself, yeah? You have enough to stress over," Nicky firmly answers her, covering her hand over the one that rests on her cheek. She smiles softly. "I love you, doll-face; I'm here no matter what."

Lorna gives a tiny smile back and nods knowingly. "You're too good for me; I love ya more. My angel."

The conversation comes to a pause, seconds later, when the sound of a loud thumping overpowers the entire room. Lorna swallows hard, not wanting to look at the screen. Instead, she turns her head to glance back at Nicky and feels a wave of comfort at the sensation of her hand being cradled in hers. "What is that sound?" She inquiries, eyes continuing to gaze away from the screen.

"That would be the very healthy heart-beat of an apparently active baby boy," Boo informs her, eyes watching over the picture on her computer screen. She squints her eyes and chuckles. "Wow, he's really moving in there—I think I just heard him say to let him out already. He's bored in there, maybe send him a phone to play with?"

Slowly breathing in some air, Lorna squeezes Nicky's hand snugly in her own. She looks up at her apprehensively, "The baby's really inside me, isn't he?"

Nicky nods, gazing down at her with soft eyes. "He is, Lorna baby. Ya wanna look at him? I'll look with ya if it eases some of the anxiety, doll."

Shaking her head profusely, Lorna puts her hands on top of her head and pulls roughly on her hair. She bites the inside of her mouth so hard that she's sure a few specs of blood mix in with her saliva. "I'm not ready. I just," she looks over at the doctor, "Are we done? I'd like to leave."

"Yeah, everything checks out okay. Again, I do recommend eating a little more to make sure you're getting all the nutrients and vitamins you need but other than that, the baby is coming along just fine. I'll see ya in a couple weeks."

* * *

The two walk up the stairs of the apartment complex until they come to the fourth floor where Alex and Poussey's place is located. Nicky leads the way down the long hallway, panting from the five-minute climb up nearly thirty or so steps. She shakes her head as she looks over at Lorna. "I can't believe I listened to ya and agreed to taking the stairs over an elevator. I'm winded," she lightly chuckles, stopping once they come to the door to their friend's apartment.

Lorna gives a sheepish smile after knocking on the door. "Ya need to exercise more, hon. Looks like we'll be using those stairs a lot more, huh? Gotta get ya in shape. I mean we gotta be able to chase the little boy, ya know?"

Hearing the comment strikes Nicky with concern. She sighs, not wanting to upset the woman she loves after everything that's occurred in the past few hours. "Sure, sweetie. We'll do that," her voice trickles warmly into Lorna's ear. Seconds later, the apartment door swings open and the pair of them are met with a messy-haired, pajama wearing, Alex.

"Hey, what brings the two a ya by?"

With worried eyes, Lorna looks her best friend over intensely. "Well, we've never really seen yours and Poussey's new apartment so thought we'd come visit. Is everything okay, Al? Are ya sick or something?"

Motioning for them to come in, she closes the door behind them and walks into the living room. "That's nice—I could use the company since P's working all day," she informs them, reclaiming her spot on the couch with her piles of throw blankets. A sigh escapes as she nods her head to Lorna's inquiry. "Unfortunately, got a terrible cold. P had it last week and was so kind to give it to me."

"Oh, no, you poor thing," Lorna gushes, maternal instincts kicking in as she places the palm of her hand against the black-haired woman's forehead. Her eyes widen at the heat that clearly radiates from her pale flesh. "Al, you're burning up. Did ya take any medicine? Ya know what, you just lay here and let Nicky tell ya some story or something. I'm gonna make ya some soup and a hot cup of tea. I'll be right back. Don't move."

Alex holds up her hand and shakes her head. "I'm okay, Lorn. You don't have to do anything, just come sit and talk. You're pregnant, you need to take it easy."

"Uh-uh," the youngest woman protests, walking towards the archway. "You're my best friend and I'm gonna make sure you're taken care of. Since your girlfriend's not able to, I'll do it. Ya still like tomato soup? I'll make you some of that and the lemon-honey tea my mom used to make for us."

Rubbing her hands around her throbbing forehead, Alex turns to stare at Nicky. She shakes her head with a chuckle. "That girl has the sweetest heart—yet, the stubbornest head sometimes. I love her, though, couldn't ask for a better best friend if I tried, yeah?" Her hands grab hold of the blanket, pulling it to cover over her shivering body.

Nodding agreeably, Nicky smiles softly. She's beyond grateful for having a precious soul like Lorna in her life. A woman who loves others devotedly. "She's a sweetheart, that's for sure," she murmurs softly before averting her eyes towards the obviously pale Alex resting on the couch beside her. She stares down at her sympathetically. "Ya look like absolute shit, kid. What nasty virus did ya catch?"

"Aw, gee, thanks, Nicky." Alex sarcastically remarks, though a playful smirk sits on her face. "Just a real bad cold is all. Haven't been able to smell in days now. Oh, shit, I don't know if it's a good idea for Lorna to be around me. I don't want to get her sick…especially since she's pregnant. That'll make it even worse."

Patting her forehead comfortingly, Nicky sighs. Realizing, too, that it might be a good idea for them to leave. "I'm sorry, that sounds like hell. Yeah, that's the last thing Lorna needs. To be sick on top of being pregnant and hormonal. Believe me I adore the sweet girl…but she's an absolute mess right now. It hurts me to see her like this. And I don't know how to say things to her without upsetting her. I wanna take care of my baby but she thinks I  _'baby'_  her too much. Like hell I do," she shakes her head.

Tilting her head, Alex gives her a look. " _You do_  baby her sometimes, Nicky. But you do that out of love. Right now I think that's exactly what she needs whether she agrees or not. I'm sure she wouldn't agree. Lorna thinks she can handle everything on her own. She puts too much pressure on herself sometimes. She needs to stop. There's only so much she can take before she burns out; I wish she'd realize that."


	33. Chapter 33

_Chapter Thirty-Three_

It takes only fifteen minutes for Lorna to carry a tray of soup and tea into the living room for her ill-stricken best friend. She carefully places it on the coffee table in front of the couch and stares between the two chattering woman who occupy it. A smile takes form on her face to see that the two people she cares most for seem to have such a strong friendship. Refreshing to say the least.

"Jesus, Lorn, ya really didn't have to do this," Alex mutters once she notices her presence and sees the steaming tray resting on her nearby coffee table. She carefully pushes herself up from the swarm of blankets she wrapped herself in and grabs the mug of tea off it. She cradles it in her hand while situating herself back in her spot. The steam that comes up is almost soothing to her completely blocked nose.

The warm taste immediately eases the soreness in her throat. She lifts her head from the mug and gives a grateful smile towards her petite best friend. "Thanks, kid—really does help. Reminds me when we were in high school and you'd always mother me when I was sick. You're gonna be an amazing mom to that baby, ya know?"

Such a comment subconsciously has Lorna staring down at the faint bump protruding from her abdomen. She places a hand on the fabric of her shirt and lets out a quiet breath of air. However, she chooses to cover up the growing anxiety with a friendly smile as she gets up to grab the bowl of soup off the tray and places it on a pillow in front of Alex. At least caring for her ill friend keeps her mind off all the stress, she informs herself.

"Ya didn't have no cans of tomato soup so I had to make my own—let me know if it's any good, will ya?"

Nicky chuckles while shaking her head. "Like anything you cook wouldn't taste good, kid. Italians' are born knowing how to cook, isn't that right?"

Eyes sparkling appreciatively at her lover's compliment, Lorna lets out a small laugh of her own. Her shoulders bounce up and down in a slight shrug. "I guess you could say that, hon. I mean I did make my first pot of spaghetti when I was only ten," she points out once the memory comes forth in her mind. Oh, how she misses the time she spent in the kitchen with her mother as young child. The best of times she thought.

Placing the mug back on its coaster, Alex focuses on the bowl of steaming red soup sitting directly in front of her. She takes hold of the spoon and mixes it around the creamy mixture. Its aroma gradually hits her nose, giving off a faint yet pleasant smell. A small smile forms as she brings it to her mouth for the first bite. "Hmm," she hums, letting the taste soak into her taste-buds. Eyes stare over at the petite brunette. "It tastes like your mom's pasta sauce—it's delicious, Lorn."

"I added a little pinch of fresh garlic—I remember my mom always said that's what Nonna ate when she was sick…figured it wouldn't hurt to put in your soup. Maybe Nonna was right."

Taking another bite, Alex nods with a warm smile. She reaches a hand across to cup around her best friend's cheek, caressing it tenderly with the tips of her fingers. "I'm starting to feel better already, kid. The soup and tea really did the trick—who knew? Thank you. You're too much, Lorna. But that's what makes ya so damn loveable. You're like a kitten in a way—how can anyone not adore you?"

Wrapping an arm lovingly around her lover's waist, Nicky chuckles at the comment. "Think it might also have to do with the pregnancy hormones but ya might be on to something, Vause. Only a satanic being could be capable of hating a sweet soul like my Lorna," she fiercely agrees, letting her lips stroke a soft kiss over the brunette's forehead.

" _Hey_ , you've done a lot for me in the past year, Al—I mean the least I can do is make you some soup to help ya get better. What're friends for ya know?"

"And I'd do it all again in a heartbeat," Alex quickly responds between spoonsful of the warm soup. "You're so much better off than ya were in the beginning of the year. You're in a healthy relationship with a woman who will love you for eternity—I couldn't ask for anything more for my best friend. I'm just glad ya actually let me help ya…even if it was reluctant at first. Anyone can see how much happier you are right now. It's the best thing in the world to see this."

A few tears sprinkle down over the flesh of Lorna's hands. She rapidly reaches up to wipe them away. "The only thing missing from my life is my parents and sister…maybe now that I'm in a more stable mindset, I guess, I should try to get in contact with them. What do ya think, Al?"

"I think you should do whatever it is that will make ya happy. But just keep in mind that it's not only on you that ya haven't had contact with them—they could of just as easily picked up a phone to call ya and see how ya are. Your father and Franny that is…and didn't Franny tell ya you deserved to be with a scum like Vinny? If ya go forth with making contact with them again, please don't fucking give them your trust that easily. After the shit your dad and sister put ya through, they need to work real damn hard to earn that trust back. You're too precious for anyone to just take for granted, honey. They hurt you, remember that. They fucking blamed you for your brother's death. You don't owe them anything.  _They owe you_."

Lorna nods uncomfortably at the memory. She swallows thickly, trying not to let out anymore tears at the mention of her late older brother. The brother who showed her nothing but compassion and understanding. "Mom always said forgiving is the first step towards healing or somethin'. I—I wanna at least try to build a relationship with them again. At least Franny, maybe. I miss my family. And…with this baby inside me—it makes me think about them even more and want to see them again. Even just for a day."

Squeezing her arms snug around her, Nicky can't help but press another gentle kiss over her temple. She lets a hand run soothingly through her hair. "You're too good for this world, doll. Why can't everyone have a soul as gentle and loving as yours?" The words murmur warmly into the younger woman's ear. Fingers softly curl strands of hair around its flesh. "If ya really wanna contact them, I'm gonna support ya on that decision. But Alex's right—you do not owe a thing to them. Don't even think that.  _They wronged you_ , my sweetheart. You don't need to apologize to them or any shit like that. If they give ya a hard time, you need to completely remove them from your life. That's the kinda stress you don't need in your life. Ya hear me, kid?" Eyes gaze firmly down into innocent ones.

"I understand. I hope they at least give me a chance to explain—"

"You don't need to explain a damn thing. If anything, they should be begging for your forgiveness. For you to hear their explanation as to why they fucking would ever even think to blame you for your brother's death. You loved him more than anything—I know you woulda sacrificed yourself to save him if ya had the chance. Because that's how fucking sweet and beautiful of a human being you are, baby. You're the most selfless person I've ever befriended," Alex interrupts with a burning rage. A rage at the mere thought of Lorna's letting her family walk all over her.

Lorna sighs, looking down at her hands. She bites down on the inside of her mouth. "I had the chance and I did nothing, Al. I-I watched them hurt and kill my brother—I wish I woulda let them kill me instead because sometimes I do wonder if it's my fault he's dead. I just—I fucking stood there like a coward. I understand why my dad and sister want nothin' to do with me."

Outraged with her friend's answer, Alex profusely shakes her head and pulls the brunette down into her arms. She holds her firmly against her own sick, clammy, body and feels a batch of disheartened tears fall along her cheeks. "Stop it, Lorna. I don't wanna hear you insult yourself ever again—you're not even fucking close to being a coward. The situation—no one would be able to comprehend it. You coulda been killed yourself and I'm beyond thankful that ya weren't. Don't fucking wish death on yourself. Nothing that happened that day is your fault, get that outta your head. This is why I don't think ya should talk to your family…because just thinking about it is making ya say shit about yourself and I don't like it. Stop. Please," she begs, eyes staring piercingly down into teary ones.

A shaky sigh escapes from her lungs. She picks the blankets up off the floor and wraps them around the two of them. Pressing a maternal kiss over the top of the brunette's head. "Nap with me, will ya Lorn? I haven't cuddled you like this since high school; I think this is what we both need right now to feel better, yeah—mandatory best friend time?" Her lips stroke another comforting kiss to Lorna's temple. She tightens her arms around her back and gently places her head over her chest.

Her blue eyes avert over to Nicky. "I'm stealing your fiancée for a few hours, I hope ya don't mind. You can stay if ya want or go bug my girlfriend while she's bartending—I don't think she'd mind. Probably bored as hell there, she always says how slow they are in the early afternoons."

"I see that," Nicky mutters with a snicker. She shakes her head while getting up off the couch. "Maybe I will stop by the bar and make her shift more amusing—plus, I could use an adult drink for once. Can't drink anything around Lorna since she's with child. Don't wanna tempt her. Yeah, I think that's a perfect idea, Vause."

She starts making her way out of the living room when she stops at the archway. Eyeing the two women intently. "You enjoy your little Hallmark best friend moment, girls," she jokingly winks, but then her expression grows serious. "Make sure ya don't get my fiancée sick, Vause, or else. She doesn't need those flu germs or whatever the hell illness you're stuck with."

* * *

The minute she walks into the small local bar/restaurant, the familiarity hits her roughly. She hasn't stepped into anything like this since her drug using days, she remembers. Smoke and alcohol make up the aroma together. She both loves and hates the smell. Loves the homey sensation the smell leaves her with but loathes how it subtly makes her crave her old ways. Something she vows to never return to—no matter how bad the scent yearns her to.

Nicky swallows hard and casually makes her way to the bar, jumping into one of the stools. Her eyes search for her old-time roommate, easily taking notice of her just a few feet away seeming to be busy wiping down the back counters with a washcloth and bucket of bleach. A smirk quickly takes form on her face. "Ah, so this is what you're doing while your poor girlfriend's sick as dog at home," she lightly jokes, watching the short-haired brunette do her job.

Looking up from her task, Poussey arches an eyebrow surprisingly. "Hey, what're you doing here? How'd ya know that she's sick?" She inquiries while scrubbing down the marble counter tops. Once she's finished, she throws the filth-covered rag into the industrial sized sink that sits in the back and walks back to her usual spot behind the bar-top.

"Me and Lorna stopped by to finally see your guys place and could see—clear as day—how sick Alex is. Lorna being Lorna had to make her some tea and soup. They're having 'mandatory best friend time' is what Alex called it. So here I am. I never been to this bar before so I figured it wouldn't hurt to come check it out. God, I haven't had a real drink in months," she points out, eyes looking at all the selections that make-up the wracks behind Poussey.

"Do ya think it's a good idea for ya to be here? This place gets full of smokers and shit. Aren't ya tryna stay away from all that?"

Nicky sighs and shakes her head. "I appreciate the concern but I think I'll be fine. Aren't you supposed to tend the bar or something? You should want me to purchase a drink, yeah? I could use a beer, anyway. What's good here?"

Grabbing a glass from underneath the counter, Poussey fills it with a large scoop of ice cubes. Her eyes avert towards the redhead with a slight concern. "As long as you're not choosing to drink your problems I guess it won't hurt to have one very light beer," she confirms.

"A light beer? I guess I can settle for that."

With a nod, the brunette takes the ice-cold glass and carries it over to where the beer tap is located to fill it with. Once it's all the way filled and—what she deems—the perfect amount of foam is sitting on the top, she carefully carries it back to hand over to Nicky. She eyes her over intensely. "How is everything?"

Nicky holds up a finger before grabbing the beverage and taking a large sip. She swishes around her taste-buds and nods approvingly. "I'd say it's pretty good. Refreshing and cold just what the doctor ordered."

Rolling her eyes playfully, Poussey face-palms herself. A laugh tumbles out of her. "Not the beer, you and your life. How's everything going with you?"

"I know that, sherlock. But, god, it's fun to mess with you," the older woman admits with a laugh. She takes another large sip and exhales a large breath of air. "Life and me are getting along just swell. Got a beautiful and kind fiancée and two great friends—what more can ya ask for?"

"You're not stressed out at all with the baby in your near future?"

Stressed isn't the term Nicky would use for how she's feeling about her lover's pregnancy. Another sip she takes of her beer. She shakes her head briskly. All that matters is making sure Lorna's okay and gets through it. Her own feelings come second, she tells herself. "I love Lorna with my entire being, Poussey, and if she wants this baby I'm gonna be there to help her with him. Course' I have no clue how to take care of a baby but I'm sure she'll teach me. What stresses me out is if Lorna really wants to raise her abuser's son. One day she's all for it and the next she's scared to death about having him. She's stressed over this and that's what stresses me out the most. I don't know what I can do to help her. I can't make the decision for her, it's her choice. And I'll respect what she decides—I just, I want her to stop fucking waring herself out over this."

"Anyone can see how much you love her, Nicky. It's a beautiful thing, honestly," Poussey comments, a light smile on her face. She grabs another glass from below and puts a handful of ice-cubes in it, deciding to make herself a little something for when her shift's over. "All you can really do for her is support her and remind her that you're not going anywhere no matter her choice. And talk to her about how ya feel too, sometimes. So ya don't turn to anything ya shouldn't."

Nodding intuitively, Nicky smiles back. "That's good advice ya got there, Poussey. Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," she states matter-of-factly. She quickly finishes the rest of her beer and grabs her wallet from her satchel. A crisp five-dollar bill she takes from it, reaching over the counter to hand it to the taller brunette. "What a bartender ya make. I'm glad I finally stopped by here, it's nice. I'm gonna head out and maybe stop by my ma's bakery on the way. See ya."

* * *

Red's just finished sweeping the tile floor when she hears the bell above the door go off. Immediately her eyes dart over to see who's entered her shop. A smile rapidly takes up her entire face when she sees that it's Nicky. She sets aside the broom and dust pan to run over to her daughter and embrace her tightly. Her hands cup around her face; she stares down into her eyes with love only a mother can have.

"Nicky, a wonderful surprise to see you drop by," she exclaims happily. Fingers stroking maternally against the flesh of her cheeks and forehead. "Where's Lorna? It's rare to see you without her lately. Everything's okay, yes?"

With a light chuckle, Nicky rolls her eyes and wraps her arms happily around her mother's neck. She buries her face in its crook and shuts her eyes. Taking in the comfort of a mother's hug, something she wishes she had in her childhood. Something she's grateful for now. "She's having some best friend time with Alex. She's sick with the flu and Lorna just had to be there to take care of her since her girlfriend's working. So, I thought I'd come to the bakery and see my favorite ma. And shit does it smell so good in here," she says once she gets a whiff of something sweet and cinnamon-y.

Walking back towards the counter, Red goes behind it to make two cups of freshly brewed coffee. She places them on a serving tray before grabbing two fresh pastries from their place inside the see-through counter to put right beside the mugs of steaming coffee. "Let's go sit and you can try a pastry. Just came outta the oven before you got here," she suggests, carrying the tray over to a table that resides next to her favorite bay-style window.

"Thanks ma," Nicky smiles, sitting in a chair across from her and reaching for a cup of her favorite bold beverage. She sips it sonorously, savoring its strong flavor. Her eyes avert towards the divine pastry sitting on the brown tray. She reaches a finger to gently touch it. "Those look great—are these a new invention a yours?"

A small chuckle, Red shrugs and takes a decent sip of her own coffee. "You could say that. I just put all the leftover ingredients together and this is what came of that. They smell good at least, huh?"

Nicky shakes her head with a laugh. "Aren't ya just a creative being? No, they really do look good. And smell good—it's a win-win," she lovingly assures, cutting a piece and bringing it up to her mouth for a taste. Her smile gradually grows. "Tastes like Heaven, ma. Ya did good with this one. These are gonna be selling like those damn perogies."

"Perogies? What perogies? You mean piroshky?"

"Perogies, piroshky—same thing, right?" A sheepish laugh escapes, Nicky brings the mug to her lips to hide her flushed cheeks.

Red shakes her head ferociously. She holds her hands up and waves them violently at her daughter. "No, not the same thing. Perogies aren't Russian for starters. And second, those are noodles stuffed with potatoes. You've known me for five plus years and you don't even know the right terminology for my best selling food item? Are you even my daughter?"

Rolling her eyes playfully, Nicky takes another bite of the pastry and places a hand on top of one of the Russian woman's. She lets her thumb stroke casually around her knuckles. "Forgive me ma, will ya? I'm not knowledgeable of proper food names like you. Of course I am, I love you," she mutters, batting her eyes with an innocent smile.

"Oh, Nicky, I'm just being sarcastic. Like you are most of the time," the Russian matron replies with a smirk. She has a bite of her own pastry and looks up at the sound of the door's bell going off once again. This time it's her partner who enters through with a bag of groceries in her hands. She gets up from the chair and quickly makes her way over to assist.

"Did you get the ground bags of coffee?"

The Hispanic woman nods while taking three out of the grocery bag. "A dark roast, medium, and light. I got the granulated sugar too, they hadda good sale today."

Red smiles appreciatively and pecks her tenderly on the lips. Light blue eyes gaze affectionately into brown ones. "Thank you, my darling. I was about to brew empty filters here. Just used up the last of the coffee and sugar in my new pastries."

Nicky stands up from her seat and waves a hand at them. "Remember I'm still here, ma. Don't need any entertainment, thank you."

A laugh immediately escapes from Gloria's throat at her partner's daughter's remark. She moves slightly away from her Russian lover and peers at the short redhead with a warm smile on her face. "We won't do anything to scar ya," she snickers, staring her over intently. An eyebrow arches inquisitively over her eye. "How are you and Lorna?"

"We're doing okay. Lorna's coping, doing her best to get through the pregnancy."

The expression on the older woman's face swiftly changes to a more serious one. Her head nods up and down intuitively. "She still planning to keep the baby, yeah?"

Reaching a hand up level to the top of her head, Nicky uses it to push her hair back away from her eyes. She sighs and slightly bounces her shoulders upwards. "Depends on the day and how she's feeling. I keep telling her to just not think about it right now but she just won't stop stressing. And watching her stress herself out this much makes me stress. I just—I don't care what she chooses to do, I'm gonna be there no matter what. What can I do for her?"

Gloria smiles sympathetically. "What you are doing is exactly what ya should do. Your love and support is what she needs most right now, Nicky. Pregnancy ain't an easy thing to go through, especially not in Lorna's shoes with everything she's gone through and how it came about. Ultimately it's up to her what happens with the baby at the end of the day. You just support her."

"I guess that makes sense. Thanks," she smiles warmly, going back to the table to grab her mug of coffee. She downs the rest of it and carries it to the back to wash it. Her eyes look back over at the middle-aged Hispanic woman. A light-bulb goes off in her head. The smile grows slightly wider. "I think maybe talking to ya might help her stop stressing so much. She's always on about how ya remind her of her mom and everything—would ya mind coming over to see her one a these days?"

A question that doesn't even need to be pondered over, Gloria thinks. She nods her head immediately, staring back with empathetic eyes. "Of course. In fact, why don't I have you both over for dinner Sunday? I can make one of my Spanish dishes for you girls to try. Would ya like that?"

"That sounds perfect. I get a good home-cooked meal outta it and Lorna gets a nice chat—a win-win opportunity," Nicky nods with a smile. "We'll be there for sure. Thanks, Gloria."

* * *

Over breakfast the following morning, Lorna sips her coffee while contemplating whether to say anything to her beloved redhead. The last thing she wants is to drag her down, yet again, into another one of her problems. But she also doesn't want to lie to her about anything. Something that certainly doesn't make a healthy relationship, she realizes. A frustrated grunt escapes from her throat.

Nicky immediately looks up from her slice of toast to give a concerned glance over at the petite brunette. An arm instinctively wraps around her waist, pulling her slightly closer. "What's wrong? Tell me Alex didn't give ya her cold," she mutters while rubbing a hand over her own temple. She reaches for her mug of coffee and takes a sip of it.

"No," Lorna murmurs, eyes glancing down at the liquid that sits in her cup. She sighs, tracing her fingers along the pattern of it. "I just—I've been doing something think last night."

Nodding for her to go on, Nicky tilts her head slightly and continues to give her that same concerned gaze. "And? What's on your mind, sweetheart? Everything okay?" She pulls her a little closer, resting her head gently atop Lorna's. Fingers stroke tenderly through brown waves of hair.

Another sigh comes out. Lorna takes a piece of toast and a knife from the table. She use the knife to cut violent pieces out from the toast. Something to busy herself. To keep her from staring up at her lover. Her lover who's already doing way too much for her. Who shouldn't have to keep helping her with things, she knows.

Nicky watches her with worry. She grabs the hand that holds the knife and takes the sharp object out of it, replacing it with her own soft hand. She uses her other hand to cup around Lorna's face, lifting it up towards her own. Her forehead softly presses against the other's. "What's going on in your head? Huh? What're ya thinking, Lorna baby?"

"Nothing, never mind," Lorna quickly answers, waving her free hand dismissively. The urge to not burden her trumps everything. She can't do that to Nicky. Nicky's done enough. So much that she knows she doesn't even deserve half of it.

"No, not never mind." The redhead presses. She frames both of her hands delicately around each of Lorna's porcelain cheeks. "Look at me, doll," she murmurs pleadingly, brushing a finger softly around her flesh. Lips hover warmly over red ones. "I want you to look at me when I tell ya this. Come on. Let me see those gorgeous eyes a yours, kid."

A large breath breaks through Lorna's lungs. She reluctantly opens her eyes to stare back at the ones that softly pierce into hers.

A soft smile forms at the sight. Nicky pulls her closer, close enough so that Lorna's practically sitting in her lap. Arms encircle protectively around her entire petite frame. Eyes stare down into the other's with an undying passion. "Whatever's on your mind is too important for you to just dismiss. You and everything you deal with—it's all important to me. So, please, tell me what's bothering ya. What're ya thinking about that you're so scared to tell me?"

"Nicky," Lorna starts, her eyes pleading not to discuss the matter any further. "I can't. I can't, okay?"

"You can't what, baby? What's the matter?" Concern grows stronger with every passing second that goes by and Nicky doesn't know the reason for her lover's distress.

Shaking her head profusely, Lorna reaches up to grab a hold of Nicky's face. Her eyes peer brokenly into those of her lovers. "Ask any more of ya, hon. I just can't. You've already done so many things for me. I don't deserve it. Really, I don't. Ya go above and beyond for me…all the time. And I just can't ask this. I can't."

There's that word again, Nicky thinks.  _Deserve_. She switches positions, regaining hold of Lorna's delicate face and shakes her own head while looking her over firmly. "I fucking love you with my entire being, Lorna. Everything I do for you is outta love," she sternly begins, features soft with a hard edge. She combs fingers gently along the outline of her cheeks and jaw. "You never ask for me to do anything, baby. I do them because I want to. Because of my deep, unconditional, love for you. And I will continue to do so until the day we both die. Sweetie, that's what love is—what it's like to be in a real relationship. Of course you fucking deserve this. Stop, please. Stop saying you don't deserve good things. You have no idea how much it hurts me to know how much you truly hate yourself. How you hate yourself so much that you think all you deserve is to be hurt. That couldn't be further from the truth. You deserve me and my love and all that I do and will do for you."

Nicky takes a minute to catch her breath and nuzzles her chin lovingly atop Lorna's head. Her arms squeeze tightly against her waist, embracing her lovingly. "What is it that you think ya can't ask me, huh? Because you can ask me. You're my soul-mate, Lorna, you can ask me anything. Stop telling yourself you can't."

"I don't know how to stop thinking the way I do, Nicky. I'm sorry. I can't control it."

A sigh comes from the redhead's mouth. She pecks a sweet kiss atop Lorna's head and darts her eyes down to hers. "You're right. You can't control that. And that's what makes this so hard to watch. I wanna make you love yourself but I can't, baby. You have to do that. We'll get ya there one day, I promise. I'll help you. But for now, please, tell me what you want to know."

Lorna exhales rather deeply, biting the inside of her cheek. "I wanna go back to my old neighborhood to see my father and sister. But, but I don't think I can manage it alone."

Tilting her head slightly, Nicky looks at her softly. She places a tender kiss to her cheek and shakes her head with a small smile. "Ya want me to go with ya, yeah?" The brunette's bashful nod has her heart all but melt and break at the same time. She pecks her once more on the cheek and takes hold of her head, laying it gently over her chest. Her chin rests softly over the top of her head. "Of course I'm gonna come with you, Lorna baby…god, you don't even have to worry about that. I'm always gonna be here for ya. Get that through your head, will ya? I love you. I love you so much, doll; I'd walk on burning fire for you—even if ya didn't ask me to. That's what you do for the people ya love."


	34. Chapter 34

_Chapter Thirty-Four_

Years have passed since she'd last visited her old family home, Lorna soon comes to realize. The thought sends a shiver down her spine. She hasn't been to her old house since her father disowned her. Thinking about taking a trip up there is enough to wash her over in anxiety. What if he calls the police on her for trespassing? Or what if he tries to kill her? The many inquiries tear through her very busy mind.

Nicky watches her intensely, easily taking notice of the growing tension in the room. She gets up and makes her way into the kitchen to prepare them each a fresh cup of coffee. Hoping that will take away some of her fiancée's stress. It takes only a matter of minutes before she's walking back into the living room with two steaming mugs in her hands. She places hers on a coaster that rests on the coffee table, then hands the other carefully to Lorna.

"Ya wanna tell me what's got ya so tensed up?"

The sudden question rips Lorna rather quickly from her thoughts. She jolts up right and gives a blank stare up towards her fiancée. Confusion lines scrunched up on her forehead. "Huh?" Her hands curl tight around the mug she's been given as they bring it closer to her mouth for a long, desirable, sip.

Nicky situates herself right beside her and places her hands gently on her back. "You're so tense I can feel a knot in your back. What's bothering you?" She lets her fingers slowly massage around it while her eyes gaze worriedly up into the brunette's. Silently praying her lover isn't about to start keeping her emotions and feelings locked up once again. Something she knows will only continue to harm her.

"Nothing—I don't know," the younger woman mumbles into her coffee. She sighs, knowing Nicky won't believe her for even a second. But the last thing she wants is to mention how nerve-wracking it is pondering over getting in contact with her family. She can only imagine what the other will say…most likely try to talk her out of it. Yet, she knows this is something she needs to do in order to truly move on with her life.

Folding her arms over her chest, Nicky gives her a hard stare. She shakes her head. "It's not nothing. Don't even try to keep things from me. You know that's not good for ya, doll. Just tell me what's wrong, will ya?"

Lorna takes a long sip of her beverage to prepare herself. Her legs faintly shake out of habit. "I'm just—I don't know. I'm nervous about going to see my dad and everything. I haven't been home in ten years, Nicky."

Quickly, Nicky changes position—instead folding the petite brunette protectively in her arms. She rests her forehead lovingly over Lorna's, peering intensely down into her orbs. "Lorna, you don't have to do this. You don't have to go see your family—you don't owe it to them. Remember they're the ones who fucking shut you out…not the other way around."

"I want to," Lorna corrects. Eyes staring back with just as strong intensity. "I wanna try to have a relationship with them again…I mean they are my family. And with the baby on the way…I'd like for him to know his nonno and aunt."

Lightly stroking a thumb around the flesh of her forehead, Nicky slowly nods. "You're an angel, Lorna," she murmurs, pulling the small woman closer to her and squeezing her tight. "They are your family…but they fucking abandoned you when ya needed them most. Instead of putting the blame on you for your brother's attack, they shoulda been fucking thankful ya didn't end up dead too! What the hell? How can they ever think you'd be capable of something so vile?"

"I mean my dad was dealin' with a lotta shit when that happened…maybe he just said that because of his emotions or something. That's what Alex's mom told me. I always hoped maybe she was right. My dad always let his temper get to him, so it kinda makes sense."

Nicky bites the inside of her mouth to keep down her own fury. She tightens her hold on Lorna, not understanding how anyone could ever want to hurt and abuse a person so loving. Or accuse a kindred spirit of causing the death of her own brother. It sickens her more than anything. "You have the purest heart, doll. Your family oughta be thanking their lucky stars to have someone so precious like you. A sweetheart who's willing to forgive them after leaving ya in the dust pretty much. I wish I could be half the person you are," she whispers, taking Lorna's face in her hands and cradling it lovingly against her heart. A kiss she presses softly atop her head.

The brunette shrugs as she instinctively snuggles closer to the warmth of her fiancée's body. She throws her arms tight around her neck. "I wouldn't be able to do this if it weren't for you, Nicky. You give me the strength to do things I don't wanna do and I love ya for that. I'm lucky I have you…I live because of you."

"You'll always have me, baby," Nicky assures with a soft peck on the lips. She strokes her hand tranquilly through dark waves of hair and sighs. Her heart sits heavy in her chest at the words that come out of her lover's mouth. Not quite sure how to take them, how to feel about them. "Lorna, I'll be here for ya through anything…but if ya really don't wanna go through with contacting your dad and sister, please don't put yourself through that. You don't have to do that to yourself if it's not truly something ya want. You don't need stress in your life. It's not good for you, sweetheart, especially not when you're pregnant."

"But I  _do want_  to do this, hon. Having this baby inside me is what makes me want to do this. For him. I want him to have a family that can raise him."

Arching her eyebrows inquisitively, Nicky stares down into her eyes concerningly. "What exactly does that mean? Are ya thinking about giving him up?"

Lorna bows her head slightly, her bottom lip very faintly trembling. "I've been thinking about asking my sister…I'm sorry I haven't said anything, hon…I just—I didn't wanna, I was nervous."

"Nervous to talk to me about giving up the baby?" Nicky softly asks, watching the other slowly nod in response. A breath of air expels from her lungs as she frames her hands gently around Lorna's face. Eyes gaze firmly into hers. " _Baby_ …I told ya I'm here to support ya no matter what you decide and I mean that. Please don't be afraid to talk to me about it…I love you so much and all I want is for you to make a choice that benefits you.  _You're_  what matters most to me, doll. This is your baby, your pregnancy, and your decision. I'm just here to love you and support."

"Thanks," the brunette mutters, still staring down at the ground. Her hands sit restlessly on her legs, messing about with the fabric of her pants. "I just know this baby deserves a family that will raise him well."

Nicky brushes a thumb softly across her cheek. "You don't think we could raise him well?"

Swallowing thickly, Lorna shakes her head. "It's not you, Nicky. You'd be good at taking care a him, I know. But…but I know I got too many screws loose in my head to take care of this baby…I want him to be in a family that wants him and can give him what he needs. I-I'm sorry, hon."

"You think you aren't capable of being a mom just because ya have some issues with your mental health? Lorna…sweetie, you're still a loving human being, you can raise a baby just fine if you want to. You're healing. You're getting better, my baby. Is it that you don't want him or you don't know if you're able to be a mom? Don't you dare apologize to me. You don't owe me a thing. You have every right to make whatever decision you make."

"Both," Lorna shakily whispers. Tears forming rapidly in her brown orbs. Admitting that she doesn't want her own baby is the worst sensation in the world. She hates herself for this. Hates herself for not wanting to mother her own innocent child.

The tears cut a knife through Nicky's chest. She fiercely throws her arms around Lorna, pulling her to lay against her. "It's okay," she soothes softly into her ear, stroking a hand around her back in a soothing circle. "It's okay, Lorna. You can give him up for adoption if you want to. You didn't choose to get pregnant, sweetheart…you didn't choose this, remember? It's not your fault you're pregnant. And it's not your fault that you have no attachment to the baby."

Rapidly, the cotton of her lover's shirt becomes soaked with her unrelenting tears. Lorna sniffles loudly as she holds desperately onto the taller woman. "But that's horrible, isn't it? This baby is growing inside me and I—I'm scared of meeting him…of facing him when he's born. I'm supposed to love my child, Nicky, but I can't stop thinking that he'll come out looking just like his father. I hate myself for not wanting him to come out. It hurts to not want my own baby."

"What's horrible is that this baby's father fucking forced himself on you and made you pregnant in the first place. That's what I think is horrible about this entire situation, kid. Is that you, my sweet baby, were fucking violated in the worst way possible….and to make it even more vile, you were sick at the time…you weren't even yourself and that monster raped you."

Nicky shakes her head fiercely and grits her teeth. She rests her head lovingly atop Lorna's, cuddling her close. "Don't hate yourself over this, please. This isn't any of your doing. Don't do this to yourself, please, sweet girl. You can't help how you feel. Giving up the baby is better than raising a baby you don't really want, yeah? That wouldn't be good for you or him. Trust me, Lorna baby, I know what it's like to be raised by a person who doesn't want anything to do with you. It's not healthy."

Such a comment only worsens the ache in Lorna's chest. Her arms snake tight around Nicky's neck, embracing fiercely. Her lips brush tenderly over the flesh. "I'm sorry, hon, I'm so sorry…I didn't—I didn't know your mom didn't want you, I'm sorry. Oh, god, I'm sick. I can't do that to my baby. I don't want him to be unwanted. But I—I can't live with myself if I give him up. I'm sick."

"Shh," Nicky murmurs, laying back against the cushion of the couch. She lays Lorna down on her chest and rubs a hand soothingly around her back. "Shh. Stop, Lorna. Stop doing this to yourself. It's okay to give him up. It doesn't make you any less of a person. Don't make that kinda connection. You were raped, baby, you didn't choose to get pregnant. You're not sick for wanting to give him away, stop fucking degrading yourself over something you had no control over. Please. Baby, it hurts me to hear how upset and broken you are over this. I wanna make everything better for ya but I can't undo what's been done," Nicky tries to plead with her. Looking down at her with desperate eyes.

"Can we just stop talking about this? I need a break. I just…I need you, Nicky."

Nicky sighs, staring down at her and wiping the tears away with her thumb. She nods. "Of course, kid. We can talk about this another time. I'm here for you. Whatever you need. What do ya want, baby?"

The sniffles gradually begin to fade. Lorna tightens her arms around the other's neck and shuts her eyes. "I just wanna lay here with you and not think about anything else for the night."

A small smile, Nicky pulls her closer and wraps the blanket around the two of them. She brushes a hand comfortingly through her dark hair. "That sounds like a plan, doll. I think you need that. A nice cuddle in my arms is the perfect medicine for your tension. Poor baby. Your body's so tense I can feel knots all over. You need to come to me when you're stressed out, Lorna baby. You can't keep all this inside…you need to let it out. Let me take your stress away, yeah?"

Lorna nods slowly, eyes drooping shut as she snuggles closer to the warmth radiating from the other. "I love you," her voice mutters against the thick cotton of Nicky's sweatshirt. She inhales a deep breath, feeling sleep quickly overtaking her.

"I love you too, doll. More than anything," Nicky murmurs, pecking her sweetly on the head. She lays her head tenderly over the other's while continuing to rub soothing circles around her back. "Goodnight; sleep well, kid."

* * *

_A whole month had gone by since the death of her older brother. An entire month that she'd been banned from her own house. It was the hardest month Lorna had ever suffered through. To mourn for her brother without her family there to get her through. It was torture almost…but her best friend took her in, helped her through the grief and pain. Made the loss just a tad easier to get through. But it slowly started building in her, the burden she was to her best friend. She didn't like the idea of mooching off of Alex and her mother. She couldn't do that to the only two people who still cared for her well-being. She needed to find her own place to live._

_Alex would have none of it when Lorna brought it up a Friday night after returning from school. No way would she have her best friend bother with that while dealing with the grief of her brother's death. "Mom and I want you to stay here, Lorna. You're part a the family. Don't ya know that? You don't need to worry about looking for a place to live when you already have one."_

_The comment made Lorna's heart swell. It was heartwarming to know how much her best friend cared for her, of course, but she couldn't burden her any longer. She needed to live somewhere else. If her family wouldn't take her back, she'd have to settle for finding her own place to call home. That was just want needed to be done, she deemed._

_"Al, you're my best friend and I love ya for being so kind. But I can't live here. That's not fair for you or your mom to have to worry about another person to feed and all that."_

_Crossing her arms stubbornly over her chest, Alex peered fiercely into the brunette's dark eyes. She shook her head in disagreement. "Exactly, kid—you're my best friend. Which is why you_ are  _staying here. So I can be here for you. You have no where to go…you need me now more than ever, baby. Let me take care of you, will ya? Let me be the older sister that you've always needed. The one who actually_ wants _to protect you." Her arms found their way around Lorna's thinning waist. The comment ripped her up inside. "We want you here, Lorna. Don't worry about that. You've helped me so much, let me do the same for you."_

* * *

_It was a reluctant agreement but eventually Lorna caved. She realized there really was no other option—a senior in high school with a part-time, minimum wage, job, she couldn't afford to rent even the lowest of low apartments. Instead, all she could do was give her paycheck to Miss Vause. At least she could contribute to the rent of theirs. The woman would have none of it but Lorna refused to live in her friend's house without giving them something in return. She had to do something to show her appreciation for their love and kindness._

_But with things slowly returning to a new normal after her brother's death, Lorna found her phone being bombarded with calls from Vinny. She felt her stomach twist inside each time his number showed up across the screen. Mikey wasn't there to protect her from him any longer. And she knew that meant he could talk his way back into her life. Something she all but dreaded._

* * *

_A month before she was due to graduate high school was when Lorna reluctantly made contact with Vinny. She quickly fell into his romantic trap once again and took him back as her boyfriend. The relationship began the same way it did years ago—they went on several nice dates, he showed her affection, complimented her looks, and told her how much he loved her. Almost made her think he changed. Until that first time she made him angry. And she left school with a black-eye. That was when she realized he wasn't any different. But he was all she had. He was the only man who would ever love her._

* * *

_Alex watched as her best friend continued to spiral downward. The relationship with Vinny only worsened it. She loathed watching it happen and not know how to stop it. It hurt to see someone she cared so deeply for hurt. The kitchen door opened and gained her attention from her laptop. When her eyes caught sight of Lorna's face, she nearly flinched._

" _Lorna, what happened?"_

_The brunette stopped quickly in her tracks. She didn't prepare a story for how she got that black-eye. Her nerves were at an all time high as she tried to come up with something believable. "I walked into a wall."_

_Shutting the screen of her laptop, the older girl jumped from the table and made her way to Lorna's side. She shook her head, looking her piercingly in the eyes. "You don't think I believe that, do ya? No way in hell ya got that from walking into a wall. Who the hell hurt you? Tell me wo fucking put their hands on you, Lorna."_

" _No one. It don't matter," Lorna muttered, setting down her bookbag and walking down the hall to her bedroom._

_Alex followed quickly behind her. She placed a hand gently on her cheek, eyes inspecting the bruise meticulously. "Someone did this to you. I need to know who. You're my best friend, of course it matters. Who hurt you, baby? Was it Vinny?"_

_Her head shook profusely at the inquiry. She wasn't about to disclose such information to her. Vinny loved her. He didn't mean to hurt her, she knew. But Alex wouldn't believe that, she realized. She wouldn't know that Vinny only did that out of anger._

" _Vinny loves me, Al. He would never hurt me. I'm fine. I just…ya know me, I'm a big klutz."_

_Shutting the door of her bedroom, Alex grabbed Lorna's hand and sat her down on her bed. She shook her head once more and continued to stare heavily into her eyes. "Be honest with me, kid. I know you didn't get this bruise from walking into a wall. That's not possible."_

_Lorna swallowed thickly. "Okay, okay…Vinny did kinda punch my eye…but he didn't mean to, Al. He was just mad. He loves me. He told me. It's okay, I promise."_

" _No, no," Alex began, taking Lorna's face in her hands. She brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "It's not okay. It's not fucking okay for Vinny or anybody to ever lay their hands on you, Lorna. You're not anyone's punching bag. Why was he so mad that he thought it'd be fine to fucking hurt my best friend?"_

" _He found out that my dad kicked me out and asked me to move in with him. But, but I told him I didn't want to. Not yet. He got mad and just accidentally punched my eye. So, I told him I'd think about moving in…I don't know. He scares me, Al."_

_The black-haired woman inhaled a deep breath. Her head shook furiously at the thought. She quickly took her distressed best friend into her arms, rocking her gently. No way in hell she'd ever let Lorna move in with an abusive man. Over her dead body, she ragingly thought. "You're absolutely not moving in with that asshole, kid. No way," she hissed, wrapping her arms fiercely around Lorna's body. "I know he does, baby. That's why you told him no. You don't wanna live with a man who's hurting you. And you're not going to. You're staying right here with me. Vinny deserves no part of you. All he does is fucking abuse you. You're not his property, Lorna. You better not think that."_

" _But I think I should. That way I won't be burdening you and your mom."_

_Alex's eyes darken at such a comment. Her arms strengthen around the petite teen. "What? Don't tell me you think you're a burden to us…please don't tell me that's what ya think."_

_Lorna bowed her head and slowly nodded._

_Lifting her chin with delicate fingers, the older girl peered sadly down at her. "No. Not even close. You're not even close to a burden. You're family to us. We love you; we want you to live here with us. You're my sister. The sister my mom never gave me and I'll be damned if I ever let you live with an abuser. I want you here with me, where you're safe and loved."_

" _But Vinny…he's not gonna take no for an answer. And I don't want another black-eye."_

" _Oh, he is gonna take no for an answer. Or he'll find himself with two black-eyes and twelve broken ribs. You're not moving in with him. I will not let you. I can't. You're too precious to me, Lorna. I can't let you live somewhere that isn't safe. You shouldn't want that for yourself. Do you not see how precious you are?"_

_Lorna sucked in a breath. She knew Alex was wrong. Vinny would find a way to get her to go along with whatever he wanted. He always did. And that made her hate herself for being so weak. For letting him use her the way he did. But she also knew no one would ever love her like he did. No would want to be with someone like her. No one except Vinny._

_"He's not gonna stop pestering me until I move in. I have to, Al. That's just what has to be done. He won't leave me alone."_

_The anger continued to bubble up inside Alex. How she longed to get rid of Vinny permanently. She knew from the first day Lorna told her about him that he wasn't good enough for her best friend. And this—this only proved that. "You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I'm right here, Lorna. I'm not gonna let him take advantage of you. There's no way he's getting you to move in. Give me his number. Lemme talk some sense into that asshole."_

_"It's not gonna help, Al. I just…why am I so weak? I love him so much…I really, I thought he changed."_

_Combing a hand through her hair, Alex gave a maternal kiss atop her head. "You're not weak. You're just too sweet and loving. And he takes advantage of that to the fullest. You always try to see the good in everyone. That man doesn't deserve you. You're too good for him. Please don't settle for anyone that hurts you. You are a beautiful human being, Lorna…you deserve someone who will shower you with love. Not fucking give ya black-eye."_

_Sighing, Alex lay back against her bed and gently pulled the brunette with her. "Don't go with him, okay? Stay here. I'll protect you from him, baby. I won't let him anywhere near you. Why stay with someone you're scared of?" She couldn't wrap her mind around some of the choices her best friend made. Couldn't understand why she'd want to be with a person who only wanted to cause her harm._

_"How can ya help, though? You don't understand how persuasive he is, Al. Ya really don't."_

_Curled on her side, the older girl reached her hands out to frame around her friend's face. She gazed intently into brown eyes. "Tell him you're breaking up with him. You've found someone else and aren't in need of living in his company."_

_Lorna arched a questioning eyebrow. "But he'll know I'm just making that up. He knows he's the only one that will ever be with me. I can't fool him," her bottom lip slightly quivered. It was a never ending cycle with that man, it seemed. He would always have this strong hold over her._

_"I know a way you can make it believable," Alex informed softly, brushing a soothing hand along her forehead. "Just say ya realized you have feelings for your best friend and she's giving you a place to stay. He can't force you away when you're not with him anymore."_

_Mouth gaped open, Lorna stared straight ahead into her friend's light eyes for a few silent moments. Speechless at the lengths the other was willing to go just to keep her out of harm's way. It warmed her heart infinitely to know how much another being cared for her life. "You'd be okay with me telling him that? Really?"_

_"I don't care if ya told him we were fucking, Lorna, whatever gets him to leave ya the hell alone. All that matters to me is that my best friend is safe and in one piece."_

_Tears of admiration clouded the brunette's dark eyes. She threw her arms instinctively around the taller woman's neck, embracing her tightly. "Thank you, Al…for being the best friend I've ever had," her voice cracked with sobs. After losing the one person in the world who ever loved and protected her, she never imagined she'd get that again. Never thought anyone would care enough to stop her from running back to Vinny. To hear how much her best friend was willing to do to keep her from living with such a toxic person, it meant more to Lorna than anything._

* * *

The ripped-up piece of scrap paper sits uncomfortably in Lorna's hands. She sits in the passenger side of the car, head leaning against the window, with her eyes focused on the passing surroundings. It's been so long since she last set foot in her childhood home. The home she remembers playing around with her older brother and watching him pull all kinds of pranks on Franny. To know that he'll never walk inside that place again makes this trip even harder. Pulls heavily on her heart.

Stopping at a red-light, Nicky turns her head to take a long look over her fiancée. To blatantly see how stressed she is breaks her heart. She instinctively reaches across to place a tender hand on the flesh of her porcelain cheek. "Ya sure ya wanna do this? Ya look pretty drained, doll…and we haven't even gotten there yet. I don't want ya wearing yourself out like this," she lovingly points out, eyes staring worriedly.

Lorna takes in a sharp breath of air. Her head nods slowly. As much as she fears the idea of seeing both her father and sister again, she knows this is what she  _has_  to do. What needs to be done for her son's well-being. "I'm fine, honey. Don't worry," she gives a soft smile, one that doesn't make it to her eyes. Her son deserves to have a family that looks forward to his arrival, she knows. A family that will take pride in knowing he's theirs. And, right now, that's not something she's capable of doing herself.

"I'm always gonna worry for you, baby. You're my sweetheart…I don't like seeing ya do things that stresses ya out."

Placing her own smaller hand on top of Nicky's, Lorna caresses her thumb softly over pale knuckles. "I have you here with me, hon. That's all I need to get me through what needs to be done. I love you."

Tilting her head slightly, Nicky's eyes melt affectionately into the brunette's. "I love you right back, doll baby. Whatever ya need, I'll be right beside ya."

Lorna smiles before laying her head back against the rim of the window.

* * *

The rest of the drive goes by peacefully. Once Nicky turns into the familiar, rickety, neighborhood, Lorna's anxiety goes through the roof. She easily spots her house from a foot away and feels her body quickly tense. Almost an entire decade has passed since she last seen her house. Since she last talked to her sister and father. A lump forms in her throat as the car comes to a stop in front of the house.

Nicky notices the rising tension and cups her hands lovingly around the other's face. She takes a silent second to gaze into her eyes. A finger brushes soothingly along the outline of her forehead. "Are you sure you wanna do this? It's okay to change your mind, my baby. You don't have to do this if it's stressing ya out so bad…we can find an adoption agency to look for a family for the baby. We don't have to do this."

"No, I want to. I want to see my dad and Franny. I want my baby to know his family. To be raised by his aunt. So he knows he is a Morello. I just—I need a minute, okay? I haven't been here since before Mikey died."

Curling a strand of loose hair behind her ear, Nicky nods intuitively. Her eyes not once leaving Lorna's. "Okay, doll. Take your time. It's okay. I'm here with you, yeah? Don't forget that. I'm not leaving your side. And if either one of them starts trouble with you, don't think for a minute I'm just gonna stand by and watch. I'm not letting your family abuse ya in that way, ya hear me?"

Lorna leans her head over to rest on Nicky's shoulder. She smiles faintly and bobs her head. "I love you," her voice breathily murmurs.

"I love you too, doll-face." The redhead whispers, encircling her fiancée fiercely in her arms. The two sit embracing for several tranquil moments before finally deciding to get out of the vehicle. Nicky falls into step beside Lorna, her arm wrapped protectively around her waist. A gesture she hopes will soothe away some of the strain.

The climb up the stairs to the porch is an unnerving one Lorna concludes. She sucks in an uneasy breath of air when she makes it to the top. Standing quietly as she ponders whether she really should go through with this decision. Whether it's beneficial to open the bandage back up from her past. She pushes the refusal aside and lifts her hand to knock on the door. Waiting, she takes a look around and notices how nothing's really changed. It's still the same old unkempt house.

Nicky nuzzles the tip of her chin lovingly over the top of the brunette's head. "Whatever happens, just know I'm here," she murmurs reassuringly.

Lorna nods, eyes not moving away from the door. She can hear footsteps on the other side getting closer. A hand jiggles the knob of the door on the inside. She inhales deeply and braces herself for what's to come.

The door finally opens and standing in the entrance-way is a young man who a little too closely resembles a slightly older version of Mikey Morello.

The brunette stares at him, her mouth hanging wide-open. She shakes her head. That can't be her brother.  _It just can't be._  Mikey's dead, six feet under the ground next to her nonna's grave. At least that's what she was told. The color in her face quickly drains. She opens her mouth to speak but can't seem to find her voice.

"Lorna? Lorna, is that really you?" Even his voice sounds eerily like Mikey's. Is this some sort of hallucination or dream?

Nicky gives a strongly concerned glance over at her fiancée. Not liking the paleness that's rapidly overtaking her body. Her grip on her tightens. She looks back at the man standing in the doorway, eyebrows arched inquisitively over her orbs. "Are ya her father?"

The curly-headed young man slowly shakes his head and crosses his arms ponderously over his chest. "Uh, do I look old enough to have a grown daughter? No. I'm her older brother, Mikey. What the—Lorna, what's going on? What are ya doing here after all these years, huh?"

Sputtering roughly on her own saliva, Lorna peers at him in disbelief. She shakily reaches a hand ahead of her to place on his arm, making sure he's truly there. "How are you here, Mikey? You—you—you're  _dead_! This  _isn't_  real," she cries out in anguish.

Beyond confused at this point, Nicky pulls Lorna away into her arms. She gradually sways back and forth with her, staring darkly over at the man who claims to be the late Mikey Morello. "This better not be some cruel joke on her. How the hell is it possible that you're her dead brother? What the fuck is going on here?"

"I'm just as confused as the two a you. I really am her brother, I would know that…I think. Why do you think I'm dead, Lorna? You've thought I was dead for the past ten years?"

Lorna shakes her head, visibly shaken. "Because dad told Alex's mom ya died. He said you're dead…how is this real? How, how are you alive?"

The brunette man's eyes darken at the revelation. He shakes his head in a rage. "Tell me you're joking, Lorn? Ya kiddin' me? Dad fucking made you believe I was dead for all these years? He told me ya ran away after the attack and wanted nothin' to do with us.  _Jesus Christ_. What a mess he done made here."

Hearing all this quickly becomes overwhelming for the petite brunette. She holds her hands out and slowly backs away, legs trembling harshly beneath her. "No," she whispers, tears lining her eyes. Her head shakes violently. Not believing that her father could be capable of something this cruel. "No, dad—he wouldn't lie about somethin' like this. This can't be true. It's  _not_."

Nicky massages her own temple, not knowing how to digest any of what's being said. She takes the blatantly distraught Lorna into her arms and pulls her as close as she possibly can. So close that she's nearly hidden from anyone else's sight. "I'm here," she whispers softly, "I'm here, baby. Just…let's take a minute to breathe, yeah? It's okay. Everything's okay."

"No, Nicky…everything's not okay. My dead brother is standing right in front of me. This is not okay. This is fucked up on so many levels—my whole family and life is all fucked up and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I just…I don't know what the fuck to do with this news. I knew my dad wasn't the greatest…but this—this is a whole new level of fucked up. I guess he fucking gets this from my nonno. And I'm passing on those sick genes to my son, who's already fucked up because of his father—this is one big mess and I don't know how to get outta it.  _I can't. I'm trapped_."


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Does anyone even care for this story anymore? Probably not. I hope so. I feel like I'm just writing this for an empty void. Please feel free to leave feedback. Even if you absolutely hate this, let me know. I appreciate everything.

_Chapter Thirty-Five_

Brown eyes finally peep out from under their lids. The surroundings are much different than she last remembers. This isn't the porch of her house, she quickly takes note. The sound of beeping from behind her and the slight pull on the flesh of her hand informs her that she's lying in a hospital. Immediately, her eyebrows arch up in puzzlement. How and why is she lying in a hospital bed? She squints her eyes at the brightness and searches around the room for her fiancée.

Instead she's met with the warming presence of Gloria Mendoza. She watches as the woman quietly takes her vitals and charts it into her file. Not yet seeming to realize she's awake. Lorna sighs, keeping her mouth shut and eyes focused on the other's tasks.

Moving up to her patient's arm, where the blood-pressure cuff rests, Gloria peeks up at her face and sees that she's finally regained consciousness. A warm smile spreads on her own face as she places a comforting hand over her forehead. "How're ya feelin', sweetie? Ya gave us all quite a scare," she softly questions, staring down at her with sympathetic eyes.

"Confused would be a start," Lorna honestly mutters. She pushes herself up into a sitting position and looks inquisitively up at the middle-aged nurse. "Why am I here? I don't…I don't understand. I was fine, I mean seeing my brother standing alive in the doorway of my childhood home did kinda freak me out…but-but I don't remember passing out or nothing."

Finished checking her vitals, Gloria carefully situates herself in the chair beside her bed. She gently reaches down to grab a hold of one of Lorna's hands, squeezing it tenderly in her own. "Nicky said ya hit your head on the car when ya got outta it…she thinks it caused ya to hallucinate because she had no idea what you were saying or looking at, honey. You passed out shortly after ya guys made it up to the door, she told me. They ran some tests on ya soon as ya got here, found out ya do have a slight concussion. Hence why ya musta seen your brother…ya weren't in your right frame of mind, Lorna, sweetheart."

Covering her face in her hands, Lorna can hardly believe her ears. She shakes her head vividly, slightly pulling away from the older woman's touch. This can't be true, she tells herself. She didn't hit her head on the car…that's something she would remember and she doesn't. She saw her brother in her old house. It can't all be just part of some  _hallucination_.

"No," she whispers, "I know for a fact what happened isn't all fake—I saw my brother, I felt him. He  _was really_  there, Gloria. I'm not crazy."

"Honey, I didn't say you were crazy." Gloria assures her, reaching down to frame her hands comfortingly around the young girl's face. She brushes her thumb delicately around its flesh. Eyes pierce deeply into the teary ones below. "Ya hit your head and got a concussion. Concussions can cause ya to see things that aren't really there. I know ya don't wanna believe this…and I'm sorry that what ya saw was just an illusion but that's just the truth of the matter, sweetie. How's your head feelin'?"

Lorna rubs her temples and shakes her head in irritation. "It's fine. I know I didn't hurt my head. This is all a lie. My brother—he was there, I saw him and touched him. You can't tell me I hallucinated all that from hitting my head on the car…something I don't even remember doing."

The older woman continues to softly caress the flesh of her forehead. Eyes watching over her with empathy. "The results of your scans clearly show a small concussion. It's very possible that you hallucinated all of what occurred. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know it's not what ya wanna hear, but that's the truth. Ya want me to go get Nicky? Maybe hearing it from her might help," she gently offers, combing a hand comfortingly through her dark waves.

"Hearing it from her isn't gonna make it any easier—I thought my brother was alive, Gloria. Ya don't get how happy that made me…how excited I was to see my big brother standing in my childhood home. Talking to him and hearing his voice respond…I haven't—I haven't seen him since he died over ten years ago! And now, all that's just a fucking delusion? What—am I delusional now?"

Without any hesitation, the Hispanic nurse quickly takes the distressed brunette into her arms. She holds her tight, placing a maternal kiss softly atop her head. "It's horrible what even a small little concussion can do to the mind, I know. And I'm so sorry, honey. I know it's hard to comprehend that what ya saw wasn't really there…I know. But maybe it's also a sign—that your brother's watching over you and loves you, yeah?" She tries to bring her comfort but doesn't know what to say to help her after going through such a peculiar experience.

Fingers comb soothingly through brown hair. "You're not delusional. It's the concussion that made this happen. Why don't ya just take some deep breaths and try to calm down. Your heart-rate's a little high, sweetie, and that's not good for you or the baby."

A disgruntled breath of air comes up from Lorna's lungs. She throws her arms up in the air, shaking them angrily. Her eyes darken at the comment. The comment that reminds her of her decision to get in contact with her family in the first place.  _That damn baby._  She bunches her hand up in a cat-like claw, moving it closer to her face and digging her nails roughly into the flesh of her cheek.

"The whole damn reason I went back to that place was because of the damn baby. So I could talk to Franny and ask her to adopt him. Guess it's just a sign that I made the wrong fucking choice."

The rising fury comes as a slight shock to Gloria. She's never seen Lorna this angry in the entire time that she's known her. It's a foreign sight for her to see. She takes Lorna's head and gently lays it against her chest, brushing her hands tenderly through her hair. Hoping a motherly embrace will somehow ease away the anger. "You've changed your mind about keeping the baby?"

"He's the spawn of Satan," the brunette screeches. Her face reddens with the amount of rage that pulsates through her body. She desperately tries to lunge herself from Gloria's arms. Needing to pace angrily around the room. To destroy everything in her path. "He has an abusive bastard for a father, a fucked up grandfather, and a pedophile great Nonno—there's no hope for this baby. It's a fucked up family tree. I'm surprised me and my siblings aren't fucked up."

Lorna pulls her hand up and smooths back her hair. A cold smirk lay amongst her face as she shakes her head. "Oh, wait,  _I am_  fucked up. I have multiple personalities…so this baby is beyond doomed."

Gently rocking the hysterical brunette in her arms, Gloria tries to find a way to calm her down. She's never witnessed an episode like this in her. Never seen Lorna anything but her usual brightly lit spirit. "You're  _not_ fucked up, Lorna. The reason ya have issues with your mental health is because of what other people did to you. You didn't cause yourself to end up with anything, ya hear me?" The words are spoken sternly from the older woman's mouth. She delicately brushes her hands through thick hair.

"And just because a lotta the people in your life are sick and demented doesn't mean you are…or the baby's going to be. If ya find the right family, this baby can grow up to be as loving as you. Even if you choose to raise him, he'll turn out just fine. But, believe me, I more than understand your wanting to give up him up. It's too much for ya—he's the son of your rapist…any person would probably choose the same path."

"Of course this baby's demented. He's got the demon genes. He's a bastard baby—what family is gonna agree to adopt him when they find out his daddy's a rapist/abuser and mommy's a fucking insecure mental case?  _No one_. This is all fucked up just like everything in her life."

Such a comment causes the older woman's eyebrows to arch over her eyes. She lays the palm of her hand gently atop Lorna's forehead, checking to see she doesn't have a fever. The sensation of cool skin confirms exactly that. Which only deepens her concern. "Are you okay, Lorna? The way you're talking is a little worrisome, sweetie."

" _Lorraine_ ," the brunette corrects, her eyes darkly peering up.

Running a soothing hand through her hair, Gloria slowly nods. Yet, her concern continues to strengthen. "Lorraine? Where's Lorna? Is she okay?"

"She's in a safe place. Where fucking sick-hearted humans can't torture her anymore. That's all the species is good for, huh? Hurting each other in every and any way possible."

Sucking in a breath, the Hispanic woman stares piercingly down at Lorna. Trying to decipher what's happening inside her very fractured mind. It repels her to know that this young girl has gone through so much trauma that she had to resort to having other identities to help her cope with all of it. Makes her grateful the abuse she endured wasn't nearly as bad. She can't imagine what it's like to deal with such a complicated mental illness.

"Lorna's safe out here with us. No one's gonna hurt her anymore. She has Nicky and a lotta other people who love and care about her. You don't have to worry about that, honey. I know there's a lotta sick people in this world but the ones who love her are far from that."

Lorraine shakes her head sharply. "Like hell she is. No one in this world is trustworthy. Ya know what happened to her when she paid a visit to her parents' house—her father fucking made her believe that her brother died! What kind of person does something so cruel?"

Gloria grabs her hand and strokes a thumb over each of her pale knuckles. She gazes down at her with solemn orbs. "What happened was all a hallucination from the concussion. She didn't really see her brother. If it was real, Nicky woulda seen him too but she didn't."

"None of you believe anything she says. Ya all think she's mental. Well, fuck off. I don't give a shit about any a you."

"All right, sweetheart, I think it's time ya rest. Lay back and shut your eyes. Everything's gonna be just fine," Gloria murmurs, hoping a little sleep will fix all of this. Will bring Lorna back to the land of the living. She gently assists in maneuvering the brunette's head back against the plush pillow. Her hands comb softly through dark brown waves of hair.

She continues the same soothing motions until she sees the girl's eyes involuntarily droop shut and hears her breathing labor. A relieving sigh escapes her as she bends down to give a motherly kiss atop her head. She hopes and prays that this is the key to getting Lorna to return.

* * *

The waiting room is cold and stuffy, Nicky realizes rather quickly. She pulls the sleeves of her sweatshirt down to cover over her hands. Waiting to see her fiancée is like watching paint dry—agonizing and dreadful. It's been nearly an hour since she brought the petite brunette here and she has yet to hear from a nurse or doctor. Which doesn't help in settling the nerves that creep up in her gut.

Her head rests over her knees as she keeps an eye on the doorway that leads to the hall. The sound of soft footsteps gradually approaching perks her up; she quickly lifts her head to see the culprit of such noise. When her eyes land on Gloria, a strong waiver or relief washes over her. She jumps up from the chair and frisks her way over. Eager to hear how her lover is doing.

"Please tell me you've seen Lorna? Is she okay? Can I go see her?"

Not surprised with the many inquiries being thrown her way, the older woman places a comforting hand over the clearly anxious Nicky's shoulder. She gives it a soft squeeze while staring somberly into her brown orbs. "I just came from her room. Physically, she seems okay. But mentally—well, that's a completely different story. She's certainly not herself, that's obvious."

Nicky quirks an eyebrow and folds her arms over her chest. "What's wrong with her? What do ya mean she's not acting herself? Isn't that just because a the concussion?"

"Lorraine is not because of the concussion. I think maybe something about going to her old house might have something to do with that," Gloria points out. Staring over the younger woman sympathetically. She can't imagine what it's like to deal with such a complex—confusing—mental illness the way Lorna does.

Slamming a hand frustratingly over her forehead, Nicky expels a grunt of air. Just when she believes Lorna to finally be making progress, something happens to set her back even further. It's a vicious never ending cycle, she deems. An irritating one. "Lorraine? God, ya have to be joking—she hasn't made an appearance since Vinny's kidnapping her. What the fuck? Just when we finally seem to be heading in the right direction, some shit like this happens," she mutters bitterly. All she wants is for Lorna to be able to move on with her life. To be happy and not have to stress any longer. But that dream only continues to be pushed farther and farther away.

Squeezing the shoulder she holds gently, Gloria sighs. It breaks her heart to know how hard this is on both girls. No matter how hard they try to get past all of the pain and anguish, it doesn't seem to be enough. Truly a heartrending cycle. "I know this isn't easy for either a ya. I'm so sorry that you two keep having to deal with more and more shit. But it won't last forever. The more ya help her and talk her through the reasons behind her mental health issues, the easier it will be for her to heal. It's not an easy process, that's for sure. But you're doing a great job with her, Nicky; keep doing what ya do—love and support her. She'll get better in time."

A smile breaks through the irritation. Nicky nods while throwing her arms around the taller woman for a quick embrace. "Thanks. You're right. It's just frustrating to see how fractured her mind is after all the evil that's been done to her. I wanna hurt the people who hurt her. It's not fair, ya know? Lorna's the sweetest person I've ever met—I don't understand how anyone can hurt her the way certain people have. It's disgusting."

"Believe me, I understand. I agree. There's no good reason for any person to hurt a girl like Lorna. She's a little sweetie. But some people are just born evil and there's nothing we can do to fix that. Vinny and her nonno are two examples of that. Evil and vile creatures who belong behind bars for as long as they live."

Gloria pauses to catch her breath. Light brown eyes still staring empathetically down at the other's. "It's easy to focus on the anger ya have towards her abusers. But what's more important is focusing your energy on Lorna. Helping her to finally put this all behind her. And I have strong faith that you'll be able to do exactly that. Your love for her is a rare thing to come by, Nicky. Many people would do anything to be loved in such an unconditional way like that. Lorna's lucky to have you."

"Lorna deserves every ounce of my love, Gloria. No one means more to me than she does. I'd do anything and everything for that sweet angel."

* * *

_Everything in Lorna's life drastically changed the day her best friend suffered the loss of her mother. That was one of the worst days she'd experienced in a long time. To see how much grief and despair it caused Alex—it was an unimaginable sight. Her heart broke hard for the young twenty-year-old. She empathized with her tremendously. Losing a loved one was certainly one of the most painful things to endure. She spent much of the next two months, afterward, comforting and helping her best friend through the agony._

_Soon, though, she discovered that there was no feeble way she could stay in that apartment with her any longer. Rather, Alex couldn't bare to live in a home that didn't include her mother anymore. So, she chose to finally take up Vinny on his offer of living together in his place. She wasn't about to burden her best friend while she was in the midst of grieving for her late mother._

* * *

_It took a few weeks for Lorna to finally settle into the apartment. She had to lie to Alex—telling her she found a place of her own in order to not worry her. The last thing the poor girl needed right now, she knew. Besides, Vinny seemed to have calmed down somewhat. He didn't anger as easily as he used to. Even gave her the occasional compliment. It restored her hope somewhat. That he was truly changing. He was going to be the Vincent she fell in love with. The kind, romantic, loving man he once was._

* * *

_Lorna spent a lot of her time mending the kitchen. She liked having a decent-sized kitchen, she could spend hours in it arranging all of her favorite china she'd been given by her mother before her departure to the mental institution into the desired spots. It reminded her of the time she used to spend with her Nonna as a little girl. Cooking dinners was another one of her hobbies. It gave her a rush of warmth to prepare a home-cooked meal for she and Vinny each evening. Gave her that sensation of being the housewife she's always dreamt of._

* * *

_It was a Friday evening that Lorna stood in the kitchen preparing a pan of her Nonna's special lasagna. She sprinkled a generous handful of fresh parmesan cheese over it before covering it with a layer of aluminum foil. After she placed it in the preheated oven, she went to grab her laptop from the bedroom and brought it back to the kitchen with her. She set it up on the table and situated herself in front of it. Cooking was great but she needed to look for a job. She needed a way to make money so she could contribute to the rent._

_However, before she got too far into her search, the door's swinging open immediately tore her away from the task at hand. Her eyes darted over to find the culprit. When they noticed Vinny, a soft smile spread across her face. "You're home early, hon," she murmured, watching closely as he entered through the open door. The way he roughly threw his things to the floor alerted her that he wasn't in the best of moods. She sucked in a shaky breath and braced herself._

" _Is that a problem?" His voice edgy. He slammed the door shut behind and walked quickly over to where his girlfriend sat. Eyes glaring piercingly down at her._

_Blinking her eyes, Lorna shook her head. "I didn't say that. I was just making a comment. Is everything okay?"_

_Vinny rolled his eyes but sat himself down in the chair beside her. He placed a hand on her upper thigh, stroking it with his finger. His eyes, however, darted over at the computer in front of her. They narrowed slightly as they stared Lorna over. "What're ya doin' with my laptop? I sure hope ya didn't spend all day on it…ya better of cleaned the house like I asked. Ya know I don't like dust," he reminded her._

_Lorna let out a sigh. She didn't like the way he called everything his. How he was possessive over all their materialistic objects. She shook the thought away, deciding the argument wasn't worth it. Instead, she forced a smile back to her face. "I'm looking for a job. I wanna make some money so I can help out with the rent, hon. Plus, I need something to do besides sitting here all day."_

" _Looking for a job? Lorna, I told ya not to worry about that. I can manage the rent just fine on my own. It's not even that expensive. I rather ya be here where I know I can find you. Ya needa be here to keep it clean and make sure dinner's ready every night. You know I can't cook a damn thing."_

_The brunette woman looked away. She inwardly bit her lip, trying to hide her dismay. Of course he'd do anything to talk her out of finding work. He loathed the idea of her getting a job where she'd be surrounded by other people. A sign that to most would be highly alarming but she tried not to see it that way. Rather, she tried to understand where he was coming from. Maybe it was just his traditional way of thinking. That's how he was raised, she told herself. He was raised with a mother who mended the house and a father who worked in the field. Or some shit like that._

" _I can do part-time in the morning, Vinny. Just something so I'm not cooped up in this apartment all day, ya know? I can still come home and have time to clean and cook. My friend works at a diner in the city, maybe I can work there with her," she did her best to try to reason with him._

_His eyes narrowed even more at her suggestion. He wasn't too fond of her best friend. She could easily see right through his act and he didn't like that. He couldn't allow anyone to come between he and Lorna. And he vowed to keep Lorna's contact with her friend as minimal as possible. "Absolutely not, Lorna. You know I'm not a fan of Alex. I don't want ya working with her. You're not. I need you here. Your job is to clean and cook. Period."_

_Lorna grew frustrated. She shook her head and turned to stare angrily up at him. "I don't understand what your problem with Al is. She's been my best friend since middle school and she'll always be. You're just gonna have to accept that, Vinny. Why do I have to ask you to get a job anyway? If I want a job, I'm gonna get one."_

_A hand smacked harshly against a soft cheek. Vinny's eyes glared heatedly down into frightened ones. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her roughly. "I'm your boyfriend, that's why. You're mine, Lorna, and I don't want ya getting a job. I can pay the rent myself."_

" _What're ya gonna do if I get a job?"_

" _Get a job and I'll make sure ya can't walk again. You will not leave this place unless I say so, ya hear me? I don't want you around anyone else. You're mine and no one else is allowed to associate with you."_

* * *

It shatters Nicky's heart significantly when she walks inside of her fiancée's hospital room. To see her curled into a ball on the bed, face hidden in her arms and sobs shaking through her small body, pulls heavily on her. She slowly, cautiously, makes her way over to the bed and sits down beside the brunette. Her hands instinctively go to touch her on the small of her back.

"I'm here, baby," she whispers, fingers caressing her tenderly. There's nothing worse than seeing the person she loves suffering this way. To know that it's not going to away without talking through it makes Nicky's stomach churn. She loathes making Lorna relive everything by discussing her past. Even when she knows that's what's in her best interest. It doesn't make any of this easier.

That familiar, soothing voice gradually lures Lorna out of her headspace and back into reality. She feels her body instinctively worm closer to the other's. Yet, her eyes remain closed. Tears continue to soak up her cheeks. She never should have gone forth with her decision of visiting her childhood home. All that choice has done is cause her more heartache.

Lorna throws her arms up tightly around the redhead's neck, burying her face in its crook. "Nothing— _nothing_  I do is right," she mutters through her cries, both frustration and exhaustion making up the tone of her voice.

Nicky's heart breaks even more at her lover's gut-wrenching words. Her arms encircle protectively around the quivering woman's waist, pulling her closer against her own body. Lips stroke lovingly against the top of her head. " _No_ , Lorna baby, that's  _not_ true," she murmurs, tilting her head as she gaze softly down into her eyes. The tips of her fingers lay delicately over the bottom of her chin, slowly lifting it. "You didn't choose to bump your head on the car and end up here. It's a simple mistake anyone could make."

"No, Nicky. I—I mean I shoulda never went to back to my old house. It was a stupid decision and now I'm mental again! I fucking—I saw my brother.  _He was there_ , he  _talked_ to me."

Brushing her thumb along the bottom of her chin, Nicky pecks a small kiss over her cheek and shakes her head sadly. "You're not mental, doll." She pulls her closer and cradles her head lovingly over her chest. It's agonizing to see the woman she adores go through this cycle over and over. "Ya went back to a place that holds a lotta memories; it makes sense that it would trigger a response. Plus, with a concussion added to the mix, that probably only made the response stronger. I'm sorry. I know ya think ya saw him…but it was just a side effect of the concussion, my baby. Your brother isn't really alive. I'm so sorry, sweet girl. So sorry your brain tricked ya like that," her voice soothes warmly against the other's ear.

"He is alive, Nicky. He told me. Mikey fucking told me he's alive. My dad lied to me—I have to go back there and see him."

Adrenaline pumping strongly through Lorna's veins, she pulls herself out of Nicky's arms and jumps eagerly out of the bed. The thought of Mikey's still standing in the doorway is all the motivation she needs to get the hell out of there. She can't get to him quick enough.

Nicky rapidly goes after her and takes her back into her loving arms. She carries her away from the door, bringing her back to her bed and lying down with her in it. " _Baby_ , that wasn't real. I'm sorry but it really wasn't. It was just a trick a the mind. I know it hurts to hear that, I'm so sorry. But I don't want ya thinking something that isn't true. It'll only hurt you. How about ya just cuddle right here with me, yeah?"

"But… _but I saw him._  I did. Please believe me," Lorna cries, eyes gazing bewilderedly up into Nicky's.

"I do believe you, sweetie. But it wasn't really him. It was a figment of your imagination."

Lorna shakes her head. She grabs onto Nicky's shirt and stares fiercely into her eyes. "My brother is alive. I need to go back home and see him. Let me… _please._  Ya don't know how much I missed him."

Laying the clearly disoriented brunette's head back down on her chest, Nicky sighs and pulls the sheet up to wrap snug around them. She douses the top of her head in warm kisses. "No, my love, he's not alive," she whispers against her flesh, moving a finger delicately around her face. It hurts to see her in a state such as this one and not know how she can help. "I can't let you go back; he's not there."

"You need to stay right here in my arms where you're safe. I need you to close your eyes and focus on my heart-beat. Can ya do that for me, doll baby?"

The brunette shakes her head profusely. She refuses to give up on her hope of seeing her brother again. She'd know if what she saw was real or not, she tells herself. She felt Mikey's skin, heard his voice—he is alive. There's no way her brain made her imagine all of that. No way it wasn't tangible. He stood right in front of her, clear as day.

"I can't. I need to go back and see him. I know he's alive. I felt him. You can't tell me that's all fake! Ya just can't."

Nicky sighs, pulling Lorna closer and kissing her head soothingly. "I don't know what else I can say or do to prove to you that it was all an illusion. It hurts, I know, but ya have to accept the truth. Please, baby, accept that it was all from the concussion. You're torturing yourself right now by telling yourself he's alive when he's not. You need to stop. I need you to. I can't take it seeing ya in this much agony. It makes me hurt for you."

"But I don't want him to be dead. I can't grieve for him all over again. I just—I can't. It hurt like hell to lose him once, I don't wanna lose him again," Lorna admits, sobs shaking through her body. Her arms wrap tight around the taller woman's neck as her tears soak around it.

Stroking a hand lovingly through her thick waves of hair, Nicky cradles her tight against herself. "I know you don't, kid. I know. It's hard losing someone who's close to ya. But I'm here for you. I'm here to comfort you and love on you. I'll get ya through this, my baby. I promise. Just close your eyes and listen to the sound of my heart-beat. It'll help calm ya down, sweetheart. Everything will be okay."


End file.
